A DNR is a last resort for people who are terminally ill or injured and can no longer expect any quality of life. Although there are a few exceptions to this, end of life conversations are something that all families should have at some point.
YourBestNightmare asked doctors and nurses of Reddit: Was there a "DNR" patient that you knew could have made it? What's the story?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
First, some perspective.
I'm a doctor. I love this question, it's a great place to start. But, I can't answer it the way it's worded.
(DNR = Do Not Resuscitate, just so we're all on the same page)
The real question you have to answer first is this: How are you defining 'made it'? Is that just having a pulse? Breathing without mechanical assistance? Getting your nutrition from a surgically implanted tube? 'Making it' is different for different people.
So, that said, I think you're asking if a DNR order ever stopped us from saving someone that could have walked out of the hospital and lived a 'productive life' for a while longer.
No, I've never seen that happen.
DNR is usually requested by patients that have significant, ultimately terminal conditions. ( Don't confuse DNR with a 'living will', these are not the same thing). These patients have recognized that they've come close to the end of their lives and 'heroic efforts' are, at best, going to prolong their suffering.
It's a huge topic, it deserves much more time than we can give it here.
Also to add to this, there are a good number of times we could "get back" a DNR but the question that gets posed is "how is their quality of life".
Sure 90 year old grandma with cancer could have lived for another 2-3 months but is it going to be that great if we end up breaking all of her ribs to do CPR? If we need an artificial airway do we think she will ever get off or will she need a trache and never eat a solid meal again.
I have worked in the ICU for almost 5 years now and I can honestly say there has never been a case where I said "I wish <patient name> wasn't a DNR" though I can say on the flip side that at least once a weak I mutter to another medical professional "<patient name> really needs to be a DNR"
I've taken to working in variations of the phrase "I can do a lot of things TO your loved ones, but given their overall poor chance for a meaningful recovery, the question is whether I would be doing those things FOR them" into my goals of care discussions. Seems to get at least some people to understand that just because I can artificially extend life using machines for sometimes months at a time, should we actually be doing that.
DNRs are used in extreme situations.
One important thing to consider is that otherwise healthy people usually don't die and definitely don't have standing DNR orders.
That's usually only a code status you get tagged with if you're terminally ill and/or terminally elderly.
We only assign that designation when the patient, family, or power of attorney agrees, and when the patient has demonstrated a trajectory of illness toward unsurvivability.
Some examples of terminal conditions would be:
widely metastatic cancer refractory to treatments, end stage dementia plus acutely life threatening medical condition, cascading multiple organ system failure. Multiple successive critical care admissions over a short interval of time. Progressive failure to thrive at the end of life despite medical interventions and a potentially terminal event. An unsurvivable traumatic injury such as one that results in brain death or uncontrollable hemorrhage or widespread crush injury. Sudden cardiac death with prolonged hypoxia and anoxia brain injury, A massive acute stroke at an age exceeding recovery potential. Diffusely ischemic bowel beyond rescue confirmed surgically. Organ system failure with refused replacement therapy such as someone with Severe COPD that refuses ventilators support or someone with end stage renal failure that refuses dialysis. Patients already in hospice care.
Patients have a right to natural death without heroic interventions and associated expense to their estate should they so choose.
"Making it" doesn't mean having a quality of life.
I'm an emergency doctor, and DNR means do not resuscitate, the decision to place a patient in palliative care or label them DNR is when they have advance disease that cannot be improved or cured as their illness slowly progress and make their living harder and more painful, good examples are advance cancer , advanced COPD ..etc
You know a patient that could've made it? Probably most of them, but what do you mean by made it? Living under mechanical ventilation for weeks in the ICU and not able to wean them off until they eventually die, or living in severe pain/discomfort until they pass away? That would be the outcome if they were resuscitated,
The decision of DNR is not made on the spot, usually by the primary physician who knows their condition very well and know that there is absolutely no improvement or treatment to their current health condition and they try to make them as comfortable as possible.
Most patients/families that I encountered they understand and accept that they know it is a reasonable decision.
Cardiac nurse here. Most people I know probably could've made it, but the quality of life would be so low that living would be worse. Hooked to a ventilator, tubes in every hole, immense pain, TBI, brain dead etc. Very rarely do I see someone make it through a code and be at the same quality of life as they were prior.
My dad had his heart stop for less than 10 min. (Complications after surgery for his cancer). After he came back he was never really the same. The doctors helped him live another year and a half but he suffered a lot and his mental state and capacity were diminished. At the time there was no reason to believe he wouldn't make it and live a long life but the cancer ultimately spread and slowly took him.
Do I regret the extra time spent with him? No. However what I do know is that he would have had way less suffering if he never came back from that code.
With a few exceptions, death is often the most humane option.
Yes. Many patients are DNR plus DNI because many times you can't really do CPR in a hospital without also establishing an airway. We had an elderly gentleman in good shape/health in for severe pneumonia. He coughed up so much phlegm that he plugged his own airway. After multiple failed attempts to suction him orally and nasally when he turned gray we turned to the wife and offered to intubate him solely to remove the plug then immediately extubate him. She refused because she wanted to respect his wishes and he was vehemently opposed to being intubated or resuscitated. We watched him die. That's the only one that really sticks with me as being basically completely avoidable.
The truth is that far more patients should be DNRs but aren't than the other way around. Families really need to start discussing end of life care and expectations BEFORE they need to make that decision. Grandma won't live forever. I'm always a little amazed when people are so confused and dumbfounded that their 88 year old grandmother is dying.
Also it's a total myth that we won't work as hard to save you if you're a DNR or we just want your organs.
DNR does NOT mean don't treat. Even palliative care doesn't mean don't treat it just means that treatment options are more limited and the doctors are really looking at benefit vs risk. Comfort care means don't treat, just make them comfortable and let them die naturally.
Not enough families have the "talk."
It's usually the opposite in my experience actually. More often than not I have patients who are full codes, 90+ years old, advanced dementia, multiple co-morbidities, complete failures to thrive etc etc. And rarely do they have a family member who will advocate for them.
There are a handful of hospitalists that can't seem to bring themselves to know when enough's enough. And they always end up with these patients, and before you know it this poor old man or woman has an NG tube that we all know they goddamn well shouldn't be forced to have, and IV antibiotics for the pneumonia they're now drowning in and and and and.
There is nothing that breaks my heart more than when I admit a patient who's 95+ years old with a broken hip.
There's no telling how long someone will last.
Depends on what you mean by "made it". A decent amount of the patients with DNRs who stop breathing and go into cardiac arrest could be resuscitated and placed on a ventilator, but it's hard to say how long they would last, and their quality of life is usually already pretty grim by the time they get DNR paperwork filled out. I've never provided care for an otherwise healthy patient who stopped breathing and who had a DNR on file with the hospital, and finding a patient who fits that criteria is probably like finding a needle in a haystack.
And then there are the anti-medicine religious nuts.
I'm going to answer this question with a slightly skewed (and perhaps biased) answer.
I saw a young patient (20+) who had been in a trauma whose parents refused to allow us to treat him appropriately, basically allowing him to die. He had lost a significant amount of blood and needed to be transfused. His parents were Jehovah Witnesses and refused to allow him to be transfused. He was given so much saline to bring his volume and pressure up, that when you drew blood for chemistry, it looked like cherry cool aid. It was so serious that they were using vials designed for preemies instead of adults for blood draws. He died of a heart attack because he couldn't oxygenate anymore.
I find it hard to believe that was legal for his parents to make that decision. I know if he were a minor, it would've definitely been illegal, emergency care would've been provided, and it could've been pushed up the ethics chain if the parents strongly disagreed.
Medical staff have to respect a patient and family's wishes, especially religious. This sort of thing happens less and less as there are new alternatives to maintaining life without using blood products but it absolutely happens and is ethical.
You're right. If it had been a minor, this would have been quickly taken in front of a judge to appoint a guardian ad litem. In this instance, the parents of this adult can always say that these were his wishes too, at which point our hands are tied.
This is precisely a case why you need to appoint someone you trust as a medical POA, someone who will respect your wishes even though it may conflict with their own personal beliefs.
(As a side note, this was 20+ years ago and technology has improved)
Those who sign DNRs don't plan on coming back.
As others have said, but maybe I can put it more succinctly, people who are DNRs are not strong, healthy people. Sure, you might be able to revive them for some time, but their quality of life would be abysmal, which is why they chose to be a DNR: they don't want to live with tubes coming out of every hole, artificially keeping them alive.
So can a healthy person request DNR just to be an assh*le?
To be an assh*le to themselves? No skin off my nose if someone healthy wants to be a DNR. I'm not here to judge. It's their life.
This is pretty cool.
My sister was a foster child and the state tried to place a DNR on her due to a seizure disorder that hospitalized her many times. My parents fought them to have it removed. She had a hemispherectomy at age two, learned how to use her body all over again and is now living a very productive life for someone with half of a brain.
I've heard enough of these stories that I push back on the QOL judgement in healthcare. While they're working off a great breadth of info, it's not perfect. Hell, they discovered a woman with no cerebellum that could walk. She was described as "a little unsteady."
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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