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Doctors Reveal The Worst Cast Of Patient Paranoia They Have Ever Seen

Doctors Reveal The Worst Cast Of Patient Paranoia They Have Ever Seen
Brian Caissie/GettyImages

You never know who's around the corner, gazing into your window, or listening in on your phone conversations, or...controlling the President? Paranoia manifests in many ways, not always the same, and thankfully we have the internet to see how they play out.


Reddit user, u/Vulpes1_1, wanted doctors to share what they could when they asked:

Doctors of Reddit, what was the craziest case of patient paranoia that you have ever seen?

Hey, Satan? Can You Open Up?

Giphy

Former psych nurse here, I once had a patient who believed he was Satan. Since Satan was nude so was he. He spent much of his time in a private, secure room and when it was time to go for some fresh air around the unit we had to bargain with him to wear a robe.

riotnurse

Just Look At The Name

Student nurse here, but I still go to the hospital for internships. Had a patient come to the ER with really high blood sugar, type 2 diabetic. I asked her if she was taking her medications and she said that she didnt want to. Thinking she was referring to some type of bad side effect, I asked her what medication she was taking and it was Diabinese (chlorpropamide for those of you who aren't brazilian), pretty standard DM2 medication, not a lot of bad side effects other than some skin rashes.

I asked her why she wasnt taking the pills and she said "look at the name, I can't take something that has Diabo (devil in portuguese) in the title, if I have to go, I shall go without any contact with these devilish chemicals, like the Lord intended" It was hard not to laugh at that one but i kept my sh-t together

Bootyshortsforcorgis

Wouldn't Put It Past President Orangeface

Psych nurse. Had a patient that thought that the queen was a lizard person who swapped his penis with another one.

Also had a patient who thought we were drugging the air through the vents.

Oh and someone who thought his cat was spying/stalking him for Trump.

ciestaconquistador

A Technical Master

Surgical nurse here: Had a patient return to the OR who had some hardware (plates and screws) put in their elbow for a fracture. The hardware was causing them discomfort so instead of talking to her surgeon they decided to try and remove one of the scews(!) with a knife and screwdriver(!!).

I got the case for the wound clean up and replacement of said exposed screw. One of the strangest ones I've had yet.

Mariah5475

Again, Wouldn't Put It Past President Wispyhair

My wife is a clinician and had a person come in with the idea that Donald Trump's Twitter feed it was actually an alien artificial intelligence that infects everyone who reads it.

I really like that one

Cheeseburger_Stalker

*face smack

Patients mother didn't want son to get vaccinated because she thought vaccinations created superbugs that couldn't be treated

evilresurgence4

Bunny...Why?

Many, many moons ago when I was a student nurse, I was caring for a man over Easter. He had been hallucinating wildly, thrashing around and seeing rabbits all over the ward (an old fashioned open ward). He had delerium tremens from alcohol withdrawal, we were administering large amounts of intravenous sedation (hemineverin) to keep him calm and things were going well.

Until the night sister came bouncing in at 3am dressed as the Easter bunny, ears and all! His face was a picture. We couldn't get her out fast enough.

trashpandasymphony

History Spoke For Itself

Paramedic. Had a guy refuse an EKG for his 10/10 left sided crushing chest pain because they caused heart attacks. When I asked him why he thought that he said all of his friends who died of heart attacks had one, and that he was wise to our EKG conspiracy to give people heart disease and raise money for big pharma.

kookaburra1701

Can You Hear The Blades?!?

Giphy

Not a doctor, but I scribe for one. A patient of ours was having hallucinations where a helicopter was chasing him. He'd randomly hear helicopter sounds throughout the day and felt like he was being spied on.

Turns out he was ingesting too many edibles and smoking too much weed. Once he cut down, the paranoia stopped.

Anna_Zahane

A Mind Too Old To Notice

Not a doctor, but I work with elderly people prone to delirium. We once had an 80-year-old academic at our institute; I think he was some sort of professor and obviously well-spoken, also mostly appeared to be very lucid at first glance. For months, he'd harbored the idea that he was at the center of an elaborate ritual conducted by a medieval sort of witch.

Because of her "spells", he would constantly phase in and out of consciousness, imagining to smoke a pipe and talk to people that weren't there at all etc. He further claimed that he had found that there were pentagrams drawn in lemon juice and goat urine all over his apartment.

His mouth was constantly "deathly dry", because she would fill it with the ashes of cursed scrolls and parchment. The witch planned to extract something from his body to create a "flying ointment" or something, for her broomstick. Anyways, it was absolutely wild and nonsensical.

The crazy thing was, his delusions turned out to be warranted. It was later found that his granddaughter for months had actually tried to poison him with incrementally increasing doses of belladonna-extract.

EPIC_BOY_CHOLDE

The Absolute Weirdest Questions People Have Been Asked In A Job Interview

Reddit user TinyTbird12 asked: 'What is the weirdest question you’ve been asked at a job interview, what happened?'

job interview
Van Tay Media on Unsplash

I once burst out laughing during a job interview.

It was for an internal position so I knew all of the interviewers well, but even if I hadn't I doubt I could have kept a straight face.

What cracked me up?

This interview question:

"If I attended a backyard BBQ with your last boss, what do you think they'd say about you?"

After I stopped laughing,

I told the interviewer—who happened to be my then boss' boss:

"I'm sorry, but that sounds like a question from the Miss America Pageant."

The interview panel got a laugh out of that. And yes, I did answer the question.

So what odd, absurd or just plain strange interview questions have people gotten?

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The holiday season is lovely, but it's full of pressure to travel, plan, host, and of course, get gifts for a lot of people.

But the thing we don't really talk about is how common it is to want something specific and to not have someone in our life who tries to seek out what that thing is.

Unless we get it for ourselves, it's common that we won't get what we actually want.

Redditor GeneralSpectatorTots asked:

"What do you want for Christmas that you know you aren't going to get?"

​Sobriety 

"My brother to be sober and happy."

- whatwhatwhat82

"I’m also trying to get sober. I wish your brother well. Keep being a support to him."

- Keri2816

A New Home

"A house deposit."

- WolfGirl_4

"A house deposit? Just gift you a house!"

- Grenflik

A Financial Advantage

"A winning lottery ticket."

- Krem541

"Every year I ask Santa. Every f**king year."

- kuchikopi626

Grandma's Homecooked Meals

"One last meal from my grandma. She made the best food, and of course, you don't know the last time is going to be the last time until it's too late."

- fakefishy

Family Love

"Love from my parents."

- bub_501

"This mom is sending you a long hug."

- hippocampus237

A Professional Massage

"A gift certificate for a professional massage. I can't bring myself to spend the money on myself. I need to just bite the bullet and do it."

"I have asked for one every year for years. Sometimes it's the only thing I ask for from my parents and my partner (when they ask what I want)."

"I always get wonderful gifts that I love, use, and/or needed but I REALLY WANT A F**KING MASSAGE."

- agbmom

The Best Neighbor

"A card from my twin brother saying, 'Just kidding, I’m not moving to Washington, I actually found a place in your neighborhood!'"

- insertcaffeine

Very Important Things

"Free Healthcare and a good used car for my husband."

- Sufficient_Letter883

The End to Ableism

"Independence and not being infantilized because I’m a 37-year-old disabled woman and no one in my family understands (extended family who all live within 10 mins of me)."

- Keri2816

World Travel

"Guilt-free travel! It's like asking for a never-ending vacation. How I wish I could just hop around the world without worrying about a thing!"

- KayleNewirk

Sounds Like Paradise

"A pretty, and big apartment for me and my cat."

- cats-autumn

"For my cat to let me sleep through the night."

- Cheese_BasedLifeform

Moving Solutions

"A stress-free move, with eight days between closings of two houses four states apart, and four pets to manage in temporary housing. Help me, Santa, I’ve been a good girl."

- Kind-Dust7441

Ready To Be Done!

"For my doctoral capstone paper to finally be approved so I can be done with school! Please, please, Santa, I’m on rewrite 19!"

- TomatilloNo4213

Two Front Teeth

"My two front teeth... My two front teeth."

"But seriously, teeth."

"Mine are all falling out due to an autoimmune disease, and I need implants."

- donkeybrainz13

The Perfect Partner

"A partner to go on adventures with… have singalongs with… and who adores and truly sees me."

- miaoouu

While we may have been expecting some silly responses, or even for someone to finally buy the right brand of a favorite candle or lotion or makeup, these responses were a great reminder of what's really important.

And unfortunately, many of the most important things can't be replaced or fit into a Christmas stocking.

Person holding bouquet of flowers
Carrie Beth Williams/Unsplash

Breaking up is hard to do no matter who initiated it.

But once time has passed and exes have moved on, the healing process can be jarred by a surprise.

A regretfilled person may try and make contact with the one they broke up with and ask for forgiveness, or the person who had their heart broken could also reappear and plead for a fresh new start.

The outcome depends on how much, or how little, the spark of love remains.

Curious to hear more of this scenario from strangers online, Redditor XenaVonKeksdose asked:

"What would you say to your ex if they suddenly showed up at your door?"

For these Redditors, it wouldn't be a happy reunion.

Either, Or

"It ranges from 'come on in and make yourself comfortable' to 'get the f'k out of here' , depending on which one shows up."

– Lone_Buck

"Odds of it being the one who got away: low."

"Odds of it being the one who took 5 years to understand what 'f'k off' meant: pretty high."

– liquid_acid-OG

It's A Nightmare

"Screaming. They've passed."

– BigGrayBeast

"Similar situation here. I did have a dream that my late wife showed up at my door. She said, 'There was a mix up at the coroner, you wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through.”'

"Still in the dream we talked for a bit about nothing. Then I said, 'Wait, what about the life insurance, do we have to pay it back?' And just after that I woke up."

– AnonEMoussie

No Thanks

"Nah"

"Slowly closes the door while maintaining eye contact."

"Also aggressively locks the door."

– SnooCats7666

"raises drawbridge."

– lunalives

Some would show traces of resentment.

Unwelcome

"The f'k do you want? And how did you get this address?"

– s73v3m4nn

"wtf ffs"

– zxr7

Too Little Too Late

"You couldn't put in effort in messaging me, but you have effort now to see me months after we break up‽"

– ShyTerraWolf

"Wait, if you’re here who’s running hell?”

– So__bored

"Who’s guarding HADES."

– Boostio_TV

Hit 'Em Where It Hurts

"I lost weight... You seem to have found it."

– elmo-1959

"now get the f'k off my lawn."

– starkresilient

"Savage."

– 20190229

Others shared less bitter responses.

Coming Clean

"Honestly, I apologize. I know dealing with my prior alcoholism must have been a nightmare. I regret causing you and anyone else pain and hope you are happy. I am a year into sobriety and can understand why it ended. I wish you well."

"Edit: Since this is getting so much traction, I just want to say thanks for all the support. This could honestly be directed at a few of my exes. I am happily married now to someone that also got a taste of my drinking. We stuck it out while I got sober and I have to credit her with being an amazing support system. I also need to shout out r/stopdrinking for providing reinforcement on a daily basis. It is a great community. Naltrexone was also a major part of it. I can't change the past but I think I have a much better hold on the future."

– vivazeta

Someone That I Used To Know

"I've been married for almost 25 years, I don't know if I would even recognize any exes."

– 4a4a

"Yep. That person went from 'ex' to 'someone I once dated' years ago."

– ktwhite42

Expressing Regrets

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

– warlordwinters

"Good on you for growing."

– Zealousideal_Ad_7465

Catching Up

"I’d say hello! What are you doing here? It has been a long time."

– ExaminationLucky6082

Wish You Well

"A lot of snarky or comical answers in here, but I'll try to be as sincere as I can."

"My first major ex, first time I got my heart broken: I would sincerely hope that she's doing well. She broke my heart, but it was for the best and it made me into the man I am today. I don't want to think of how much worse I would be if she hadn't given me a reality check wake-up-call. So really just 'Hey, how have you been? I hope the years have been kind to you.'"

"My most recent ex, the first and only time I've had to break someone's heart: I honestly just hope that she can forgive me for having to make taking care of myself and my needs the priority in my life. She's an amazing woman, kindergarten school teacher, unanimously adored by everyone that meets her. But we met via travels, and lived in two different states. Circumstances shifted and seeing each other became much less frequent. Neither of us wanted to quit our jobs and chuck a grenade into our lives and careers. Eventually, for my own mental and emotional health, I had to call it. I truly hope she finds someone amazing, she deserves it. So I would just sincerely hope that she understands, and has moved on."

– obaterista93

I once showed up at an exes door after I broke up with him about a month prior.

I genuinely loved and missed him after making the very difficult decision to end things due to conflicting circumstances that kept us from maintaining a healthy relationship.

But I quickly learned that if you did the breaking up, you should respect the other person's space for a respectable amount of time.

I went to visit him at the apartment where we lived together and a new lover answered the door for him after there was a long period of giggles and lots of feet shuffling from behind the door.

Clearly, he was doing just fine.

Of course, I wasn't welcomed in and was asked what I wanted, to which I had no answer but, "do you have any mail for me?"

Sasquatch
Jon Sailer on Unsplash

People the world over develop their own specific folklore, heavily influenced by the natural world around them and their own culture.

The North American continent was no different.

Reddit user A_KULT_KILLAH wanted to know about the myths and legends of the Indigenous peoples of North America.

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