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Doctors Reveal The Thing They Wish Everyone Knew About Their Own Body

It's gotta be exhausting, being a doctor, and explaining simple things to patients about how their bodies work.

At some point, there's gotta be a line. Like, how could you not know that you've got two nostrils? How did you not know that, no, you cannot digest a wooden chopstick?

People need to take more initiative to educate themselves on their own bodies.


u/assassinmice asked:

Doctors of Reddit, what is something that you wish everyone knew about their body?

Here were some of the answers.

Your Own Medical History

Giphy

If you could keep track of the assorted parts you've had removed or added, that'd be very helpful. I'm not saying you need to know whether your fundoplication was a Nissen or a Dor, but if you're complaining about belly pain it would be nice to know that the last time you had belly pain they took out your gallbladder/appendix/sigmoid colon. And if you've ever had something implanted, and they gave you a little card? That's not warrantee information, that tells us if you're going to explode if you go in an MRI. Bring it. Otherwise it will be googled.

emperri

Bring It On Up

That there is a wide range of 'normal'. Don't be embarrassed by your body. Having said that, if you are concerned about anything, ask your doctor. We have generally heard it all before, and trust me, we have (nearly always) seen it all before. Maybe you have something that has been bothering you for ages, but you were too scared or embarrassed to ask about it ... Just ask! It might be 'nothing' and you have been stressing about it for no reason.

And if not, then you are at least one step closer to getting it fixed. No one can help if they don't know. There are no stupid questions, so ask away.

I'm always amazed when I have been asked about something that has been bothering a patient for years and years, but they were too embarrassed / scared to bring it up. Most of the time, it is nothing / a completely normal body function / feature. Other times, it is something that should have been discussed right away.

YOU know your body best. So speak up! Don't wait for the doctor to "ask the right question".

frangipani_c

Overload

Some people seem to think that if you act healthy for a bit, it'll make up for being a wreck.

There are so many things wrong with this. Just one example - antioxidants are like gas for your car. You can store up a certain amount of vitamins, but your tank can only hold so much. If you binge and overfill your tank, it doesn't do anything (you excrete it out as waste), and you can't expect to go the next several months without gas just because you tried to overload it before. You're going to still need to get gas. Same goes for your fruits and veggies.

Had someone tell me he went vegetarian for a few weeks, which meant he was done for the year. He was dead serious.

Had a patient at risk for heart failure try to insist that if she stayed away from salt entirely for x days/weeks, she should be able to have her fill of McDonald's fries and ramen.

Had a smoker argue that if he stopped for some time, he should be able to smoke freely for a while. With some digging, "stopping" turned out to mean a couple less cigarettes a day.

bhappyyyy

It Ain't Prohibition

Tell us what drugs and alcohol you're on.

We aren't gonna tell the cops. We aren't gonna lecture you.

But it might change the anesthesia I give you. Some stuff I give you might kill you. If you drink a 30 pack a day, tell me.

CopyX

It's Worse Than You Think

Type 2 Diabetes is more serious than most people realize. I work as a doctor in hemodialysis and most of them are due to diabetic necropathy. It also affects your eyes nerves immune system etc. Simple life changes can help you but no one seems to care. I even lost 9 kg myself because I had a family history of diabetes and to be healthy.

kingofneverland

How To Spot Skin Cancer

How to check for skin cancer. If you see any moles or anything that are:

A - asymmetrical B - border (odd borders, like they're jagged or something) C - Colour (different colours) D - Diameter (grows) E - Evolve (Well, evolves)

Go get it checked out. It might be skin cancer.

evgueni72

Changing Out The Batteries

Many simpler diseases in the body can be compared to a car. When you don't get regular checkups and take regular care, it's not like you'll notice something bad happening right away. Just like how you won't notice a missed oil change a couple thousand miles later. But diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, alcohol dependence, etc, they all sneak up on you. Just like how eventually, that engine won't run as smooth.

The second thing is that your body isn't like a TV remote, where you pop out the old batteries and put in some new ones. You can't expect to come into a hospital and walk out feeling 100%. People have some unrealistic expectations of what doctors can do, and there is research which demonstrates how TV shows provide the public with these false beliefs(I'm a Grey's fan also, but it's not real medicine).

The first line treatment for most of our common diseases is...wait for it... lifestyle modification. It's not drugs. It's not surgery. 50% of newly diagnosed type 2 diabetics do not require anything more than diet and exercise. Cessation of smoking is the second best thing you can do for your health, and every little amount you decrease smoking has a profound impact. Again, you won't see it now, but you'll see it down the road (like the oil change). And if you do need meds (like how most will eventually need meds for their blood pressure), don't play around with it. Take it every day. Hypertension is called the silent killer. You can't really feel your blood pressure. But it's slowly damaging every artery and every organ in your body.

And that comes down to the last point. Exercising is the key to a better life. If you put in the work, there is no upper limit. That's not an exaggeration, but the findings of a landmark paper that made news everywhere last October.Not exercising is worse than smoking, diabetes, or coronary artery disease. . It is the single best thing you can do for a healthier life.

Your health is a shared responsibility, and we're here to help. This may not be the flashiest Reddit comment. But this one may actually save your life.

z3roTO60

For The Children

-Where the orifice each gender urinates through really is.

-Antibiotics are not some magic cure for every pain in your body, nor for the flu or common cold.

-Never ever boil breast milk (in my country there is a popular belief that breast milk jaundice in newborns can be treated by boiling one's breast milk - but by doing this you destroy all the nutrients and it basically becomes as nutritious as water is).

-Do not give honey to children below the age of 1.

-Do not rub your child with rubbing alcohol as to lower his fewer.

-Baby wipes don't substitute daily baths/showers.

SuspiciousLemur

We Ain't Lizards, Love

I'm a vet, but I'm sure some doctors will have come across this too: Amputated limbs do not grow back. I've had far too many people asking how long it will take for their pet's amputated limb to grow back, so I'm assuming a few doctors out there will have had patients asking the same of their own missing limbs.

rubypiplily

A Psychotic Break

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I'm not a doctor, but as someone that works with those who may be in a psychotic break. GET SLEEP! Most psychosis happens because someone haven't had slept or haven't had good sleep for extended periods of time. Some people just need 20 straight hours of sleep and then they never end up in a psychiatric hospital ever again.

AND DON'T JUST RANDOMLY STOP YOUR MEDICATION BECAUSE YOU FEEL BETTER. You feel better because you have consistent amount of whatever is leveled in your body now. And now that your body is hitting equilibrium everything is going great, so KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING. I've seen people go on and off their medications for years and it really starts to mess up your body if you do that for too long.

langdonsnare

Making mistakes is part of life. Whether you've put your foot in your mouth, flubbed something at work, or lost a valuable item, we all know how it feels to mess up. But when it comes to these people, "mess up" doesn't quite cut it. These errors were more than simple mistakes—they were all out disasters. Sit back and prepare to feel your self esteem go up by 10000%. You may not be perfect, but you've got it together more than these poor souls.

1. Independence

I had just told off my ex-boyfriend, who had been trying to tell me I had become too dependent on him and wouldn't be able to leave. "Screw that," I said, "I am independent. And I don't need you for anything!" Then I dramatically turned to get into my car and drive off...but I had locked my keys inside. Oh, but it gets worse.

The car was still running. I felt like a complete idiot. He had to call and pay for a locksmith because I had no cash and the dude didn't take cards. I will never forget that grin on his face. Dumbest moment of my life.

Permalink

2. Wrong Room, Lasting Trauma

A friend of mine is a medical intern. There was a patient in her hospital that a whole team of doctors had just convinced the family to remove from life support after weeks. My friend went into the room after reading the wrong patient's chart and told the family she expected the patient to make a full recovery...it was everything that the family had been praying to hear for months, only to find out it wasn't true.

Fost2527

3. The “G” Is Silent

man covering his face with both handsPhoto by @felipepelaquim on Unsplash

I once sent a direct mail piece out quoting an Angus Reid poll. Left the "g" out, so of course, the spell-check didn't catch it. Based on the feedback I received, virtually all those who noticed thought it was an improvement.

moirende

4. Drive-thru Drive-by

I worked at McDonald's when I was in high school and finally got a better job, with better hours, closer to home after a couple of years there. When I quit, I was annoyed to learn that they wanted my greasy threadbare uniform polo and pants back after I was done. See, I didn't want them, but it seemed cheap and sort of insulting—they were just going to throw them away, same as I would, but they were going to require an extra trip back there for me to do it? No, I don't think so. Screw them.

Keep in mind I was 16 at the time, and apply "I'm such a rebellious free thinker" teenage arrogance to the situation. What happened next makes more sense that way. So, on my last day, I put my plan into action. I went out to my car, stripped down to my boxers, went through the drive-thru, and threw my wadded-up uniform at the woman working the window.

That's when told her to give them to the owner. The look on her face was priceless. I drove off, music blaring, feeling ridiculously happy and proud of what I had just done, and happened to run into a friend of mine who was also cruising around. I explained why I wasn't wearing a shirt or pants, he laughed and said we should go get something to eat.

Sure, no problem, I'll just change into the clothes I brought, grab my wallet, and...Ah, crud. That’s right. My wallet was still in the pocket of the pants I'd thrown in the drive-thru window. I had to slink back in, sheepishly ask someone to search through the trash for me to find my pants and find my wallet. They did. I didn't go back to that McDonald's for years.

squeaker

5. Talk About a Hot Ride

Worked at Circuit City circa 2005 installing car audio. One of my co-workers put a satellite radio in a brand-new BMW but apparently wired something wrong. As we were just about to send it off to the client, we watched as the car began to smoke. The thing burned to the ground and all we could do was watch. Oops!

jmpanc

6. It’s The Little Things That Trip You up

man in blue v neck sweater smilingPhoto by Shane on Unsplash

I scored an interview for a dream job. I did all of my research about the company, bought a new suit, the whole shebang. I gave the man interviewing me a firm handshake, answered all of his questions easily, and felt pretty confident. After finishing the otherwise flawless interview, we shook hands again, and I said, "Thank you sir." To my horror, she replied: "It’s Ma'am."

permalink

7. It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Loses a Toe

One day, I was taking a long leg cast off of a kid who was about three years old. After I got the cast split open, I started to pull it off, and the Mother suddenly said, "Oh, his toe fell off." I chuckled and replied, “Nice one,” thinking she was joking. She gave me a really angry look. It turned out that the kid had been in the cast because his small toe had been nearly amputated and then reattached.

The doctor was hoping that what tissue was still connected would be enough to vascularize the distal portion. It wasn't. The kid's toe had rotted and fallen off. Whoops.

shdwrnr

8. Insured Losses

About 10 years ago, I got a part-time job that miraculously offered health insurance. Unfortunately, the paperwork they gave me when I started only listed the insurance rates for full-time employees, which was something like $60 a paycheck. I didn't even realize there would be a difference for me until I got my first paycheck and it totaled about $20.

I called HR in panic mode certain that there must be some mistake only to be informed that for the number of hours I was working, health insurance was $400 per paycheck. And no, I couldn't cancel my enrollment unless I had a "qualifying life event." I took home $20 paychecks for four months until open enrollment ended when I could finally cancel.

Luckily, I had another job at the time so I wasn't out on the street, but it certainly taught me a lesson about carefully reading paperwork.

Cephalophore

9. Musical Urinals

Couple in movie theater with drinks and popcornMost Outrageous Snacks Snuck Into A Movie TheaterPhoto by Felipe Bustillo on Unsplash

We went to a movie. During the movie, she got up to go to the bathroom. After she left, I thought I could run to the bathroom myself, and be back before her (for some reason, I thought it would be rude to leave her alone). When I came back to our seats, she was already there but I didn't give it much thought.

I hung out at her place for a bit afterward, gave her a kiss goodnight, and went home thinking that I just had a pretty nice date. A week later, after she wouldn't return any of my calls, I asked our mutual friend who introduced us what the deal was. Turns out that when I went to the bathroom, I accidentally walked into the women's room.

I peed in the stall next to her, and she recognized the boots I was wearing. She was totally freaked out. When I finally got a hold of her and tried to explain myself, she told me she was moving to Turkey to get back together with her ex-boyfriend.

lostandalong

10. Hi, I’m Stupid

Oof, I knew a guy named Ben who had the worst tattoo backfire of all time. He was obsessed with Asian culture, especially China, and he got a tattoo of his name (as a Chinese symbol) on his bicep. Instead of introducing himself when he was in Chinatown, he'd just point at his tattoo. Here's the problem: Ben in pinyin = “pen” (pronounced pe-hn, which does sound like an Asianfied “Ben”). But “pen” in Mandarin means stupid. Dude introduced himself as stupid for years. As far as I know no one has ever told him.

CabaiBurung

11. Dearest Ex Wife

I used to work at a call center for a popular gift company. This one couple calls up and says "we need to cancel our order!" I look it up, and tell them UPS already has the order to deliver it. They tell me, "You don't understand. We are sending this to our son and his wife. We accidentally put his ex wife's name on the card. It will ruin Christmas if they receive this gift!!!" I was finally able to call UPS and get them to not deliver the package. Not my screw up, but dang.

IHaveTheMustacheNow

12. Sweet Disaster

black Nokia candybar phonePhoto by Isaac Smith on Unsplash

I went on a blind date with a sweet guy that my friends all said was perfect for me. We order a small snack for our coffee and as it's arriving at the table and we're chatting, he pulls out his Nokia phone. Trying to make a lighthearted joke, I say, "MAN, that has got to be the oldest phone I've seen in a while." I really dug it in, trying to break that awkward first date wall. Well, it turns out that it was not a Nokia, it was something much more embarrassing. It was his insulin pump.

bacon_butter

13. Rush Order

At the company where I worked, there was a new trading assistant named Eli on the floor who thoroughly believed he was The Guy. He was going to take the world by storm and decided he was next in line to make partner. Only first, he was assigned the task of sending in an option exercise one Friday afternoon in order to capture a particularly large special dividend.

Poor Eli knew how to do it, but he was in a bit of a rush. He sent the fax through to the broker and then left before getting the confirmation. The fax failed and the options weren't exercised, costing the firm about $150,000. Poor Eli was met by a very angry head trader at the door on Monday morning and he got his walking papers. Poor Eli.

optiongeek

14. Nailed It

I still have nightmares about this date.When I was about 20 or so, I got a date with a girl who I really liked, she was exactly my type and I couldn't believe my luck. We met in a local pub for a few drinks and things were great. I was getting all the good signs with lots of hand touching and the like. An hour of pure bliss went by and I needed to pee.

After washing my hands, I went to the hand dryer only to find that it didn't work. I wanted to dry my hands because I wanted more of the hand-holdy stuff. Then I had the single stupidest idea of my life. I thought, "I can fix this!" and put my hand inside the nozzle of the dryer. WHY!? WHY!? Obviously, I got buzzed by the electric heating element, fell back, and cracked my head on the wall.

I didn't get knocked out but I needed a few minutes to sort myself out before going back. I didn't have the guts to tell her what had happened; dumb idea number two. I had a banging headache and I wasn’t quite right. Not much later she made her excuses and left and turned me down when I asked her for a second date. A year or so later I found out she had told her friend that she really liked me, but I went to the toilet and came out acting really weird and she "wasn't up for dating someone on drugs."

Theory3k

15. Bad Math

silver and gold round coins in boxPhoto by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

I offered to pay for the bill on a first date with a gorgeous girl. She insisted to pay half. I didn’t fight it, but I only had a large bill so I did some mental math, pocketed her money and put my bill in. Anyway, long story short, I did the math wrong and ended up fleecing 20 bucks from her. She sarcastically said, "Thank you," and I thought she was being sincere. I'm an idiot.

mkramer4

16. Don’t Mess With the Internet

Not my mistake, but I think our CEO wins this. I used to work for a telecom company and our CEO went to a site to look at our new fiber optic shelter. While going around the shelter, he accidentally stepped on fiber that was transmitting more than a quarter of the data of our country. All our country had outbound connection problems for 18 hours.

It affected more than 10 million people.

Msc1

17. One Wild Ride

After a date, I dropped the girl off in the parking lot where her car was parked. We said goodbye to each other and parted ways without a kiss, as it was our first date. As she got out and began walking across the parking lot, I suddenly got the courage to whip my car around, stop it right in front of her, get out, and kiss her.

In my head, it was going to be like something out of a movie. In real life, I pulled up to her, forgot to put the car in park, got out, walked away from the car, watched her look at me in horror and point, turned around, and ran towards my car as it slammed into another parked car. Just a typical day in my life really…

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18. Trashy Day

three silver keysPhoto by Jozsef Hocza on Unsplash

I threw my keys away. It doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, but I threw them down a chute into a large apartment trash compactor so retrieval was impossible. I had to pay a locksmith to let me in my apartment since it was the middle of the night. Then the next day I had to pay a tow truck to tow my car to the dealership which was huge ordeal because he couldn't fit inside the parking garage of my apartment complex. We had to break into my car, have a dummy key made, jimmy it into neutral and push it down the ramp.

Finally, I had to pay a nice chunk of money to get fancy new keys made. I then had to contact the realtor for the house I had just bought and received the keys for that same freaking week and explain what happened and get a new set of keys made for the house. And this all made me miss a day of work. That was a fun day.

hometowngypsy

19. It’s The Thought That Counts

I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the bus. Turned out she wasn't that old and felt offended, so she screamed at me for the entire ride home.

dajz

20. Almost Infecting Yourself

Pathologist here. Biggest mistake I ever made was cutting myself during an autopsy on an HIV patient. Lucky for me, I did not acquire the virus, so everything had a happy ending (For me, anyway. That guy was still dead.)

Permalink

21. Getting Hot in the Cockpit

man in blue shirt driving car during daytimePhoto by Rayyu Maldives on Unsplash

Dad retired with 36,000 hours, closest disaster was almost a cockpit fire. So I got the short story from him: He was supposed to fly from Orlando to Boston, but as he was taking off, he noticed that there was a lot of super hot air pouring into the cockpit. What had happened is instead of wiring the engine valve shut like the mechanics were supposed to, they wired the valve wide open.

As I understand it, the engine valve usually automatically regulates the amount of hot air that the engine bleeds into the cockpit. However, the wiring they did made it so the maximum amount of hot air was coming in continuously from the engine. He made an emergency landing in Jacksonville, and by the time they landed, they couldn't touch the controls and they were using clothing as oven mitts.

He said he and his co-pilot were also completely drenched in sweat.

altabuse

22. Spam-a-Lot

I once worked for a music PR company. My first job was to send a promotional email out to about 1,000 journalists. I forgot to BCC every one and instead just CC'ed them. 90% of the mailing list unsubscribed. As you can imagine, those 1,000 journalists were this PR company's bread and butter. I…did not keep my job for long.

jetglo

23. Kickfall

This one time in sixth grade we were playing kickball in gym class. I went to a private school, so I was wearing a white polo and grey slacks. Well, I had just started playing football so I was bragging that I could kick the ball really far. Mind you I was the short little pudgy kid everyone picked on. Well, I was up to kick, I pointed way into the outfield, ran at the ball and tried to kick it realllllly hard.

Well, not only did I completely miss the ball, I farted really loud as my leg fully extended and ripped my pants and underwear down my butt, then I fell right back into a puddle of mud. Everyone started falling over laughing, even the gym teacher who pitched the ball to me.

hitbyaparkedcar67

24. No Kids Allowed

File:Kyle Pacek.jpg - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org

My place of work has a 21 and over policy after nine pm, and a group of people walked in and I immediately assumed they walked in with their child because I couldn’t see her over the counter. So I said, “Hey guys I’m sorry but we’re 21 and over right now.” Turns out she had dwarfism. Oh my lord. I tried to save myself by apologizing and telling them they all looked young despite obviously referring to her earlier. MORTIFIED.

Permalink

25. It Runs in the Family

Was at a friend's brother's 21st birthday party and was standing around talking with some other guys. On the driveway, a bunch of girls were dancing to the music. It was a really chill night. But it was about to get a lot chillier. The guy next to me said to the guy on his other side "How about the rack on that blonde chick?" The other guy replied, "That's my daughter.”

valiantfreak

26. Like A Canary

I was the director of an a cappella group. During auditions, I projected sheet music from my tablet. After one girl finished her audition, the assistant director texted me from across the room, “Oh, that was awful.” My tablet received the message, and everyone saw the notification...including the girl who’d just auditioned.

nervous4future

27. Chubby Chaser

person doing kanji calligraphyPhoto by Marco Zuppone on Unsplash

Dude was so proud of his grandson that he wanted a tattoo that said “I love my grandson” in Chinese characters. Except I’m guessing everyone just googled “I love my grand son” because it came out reading “I love fat boys.” Whoops.

MisterComrade

28. Thank You, Facebook Robot

I was sending an "adult" link to my girlfriend and accidentally shared it to my facebook wall instead of in a message. I don't know how, I must have been tired or something. We're talking some really bad stuff here. I didn't even realize I'd done it until the following day. I woke up to so many messages. The worst one was from my grandma...

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29. Big Tech

I used to work in the inventory department of an aerospace company. They did repairs mostly on Boeing hydraulic units. There are some very expensive parts on those planes! One in particular was about an inch long, and cost over $11,000. I saw the price tag and couldn't believe my eyes. I'd seen expensive parts before, but never one so small.

Being the idiot that I am, I took the part out of the little baggie that it was in, snapped a picture of it to show my friends, and put it back in the bag. I came back to my desk later that day to put it back in inventory, and it was gone. I lost it. I had absolutely no idea where the part went. I was a bit panicked, but I didn't think it was too big of a deal.

The part had never been needed and had been in our inventory for over two years collecting dust, so I felt like I had some time to search for it. I kid you not, the following day, we had a job that required that part. I almost passed out right at my desk.

PirateNinjaJedi

30. Accidental Hypocrite

three people walking near man riding bicycle on street near ambulancePhoto by Benjamin Voros on Unsplash

I’m a paramedic. Just two weeks ago, we had a call to pick up a paraplegic at a nursing home. He had called 9-1-1 himself because he had end-stage cancer and was in constant pain, and he was claiming that the nursing staff wouldn't give him pain medication. Turns out that was exactly what was happening, so I played hero and lectured the staff. Then I totally blew it.

I returned to the man’s room and saw that my partner and our student had him on the cot already. Forgetting he was paraplegic because I was still flustered about the nurses, when I buckled the straps over his legs, I thoughtlessly said, "Let me know if these are too tight on you." Totally straight-faced, he replied, "I can't, I'm a paraplegic." I wanted to disappear.

5-Oprolene

31. Save Some Cringe for the Rest of Us

A female friend of mine–to whom I was admittedly attracted–had been expressing her reservations about an upcoming vacation with her family. Though it wasn't being overtly presented as such, the trip was meant as a way of re-solidifying her parents' marriage, which had been more than a touch rocky at the time.

They would all be driving from San Francisco to a small town in Northern California, where they'd stay at a bed-and-breakfast inn for a weekend before continuing northward for some unknown destination. In keeping with the alleged purpose of this so-called vacation, two rooms had been booked at the inn in question.

To her dismay, though, my friend discovered that her mother would be occupying one room, her father would have the other, and that she and her sister would each have to bunk with one of their parents. This was worthy of lament on its own, but it was made unforgivably worse by the verbal diarrhea that I offered in an attempt at providing comfort:

"Aw, it won't be so bad!" I told my friend. "Your father will probably enjoy sleeping with you." A moment passed before I realized what I had said. Then, with a feeling of growing horror, I tried to explain myself. Suddenly, I made it 10 times more awkward. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that!" I hurriedly said. "I mean, like, he's probably sick of sleeping with your mom."

"No, wait, I mean... I just mean that he wants to spend some quality time with his daughter." If I had stopped there, I might have been able to salvage the situation, but as it happened, I decided that the best course of action would be to keep talking. "I can't say that I blame him, really. I'd love to sleep with you." She and I don't talk much these days.

RamsesThePidgeon

32. The Mac Daddy Of Mess ups

At the first advertising agency I worked at, one of our clients was an oil drilling company. I was working on some very standard ads for them, one of which had the headline, "FASTER, FARTHER, DEEPER." I made a typo that caused the ad to read, "FASTER, FATHER, DEEPER." Thankfully, my Creative Director caught it before it went to the client.

We all had a big (nervous) laugh about it and the original ended up on the creative department's wall.

Linds360

33. Just Didn’t Click

person using MacBook ProPhoto by Campaign Creators on Unsplash

I made a mistake sorting a list of addresses with Excel. I didn't select all the columns and consequently sent couriers to 400 addresses that didn't exist. It cost something like $8,000.

asurah

34. Crystal Clear Idiot

I broke a champagne flute at a wedding once. It was one of the bride and groom's matched set. I was picking up cake plates and saw the glass on the edge of the table, told myself, "Be really careful, that's at a bad spot," and then proceeded to tap it just enough to knock it off the table to the ground, shattered. The glasses were crystal and a family heirloom passed down through their Jewish family from before the Holocaust.

I have never felt more guilty or terrible in my life. I still think about it sometimes and want to curl up in a ball and die.

NakedCave

35. Slippery When Wet

Oh God…here goes. Working at McDonald's three years ago, little kid spills coke on the floor. I happily wander over to clean it up. Mop that stuff up lightning fast with a smile and everybody is happy. Go behind the counter and retrieve the “slippery when wet” sign to place over the newly-cleaned area, and when I get there, distracted by something, I slip! Embarrassing right? You have no idea...

My foot slips out like a javeline and kicks a baby's high chair, the baby's head whiplashes against his table so hard both of his shoes fall right off. I just stared in horror at the family. I place the sign down like an idiot and run back behind the kitchen for my dear life. Then I proceeded to crack up in the most maniacal nervous laughter accented with breaths of horror. What had I done?!

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36. Filling With Poop

medical professionals workingPhoto by Piron Guillaume on Unsplash

I'm not the doctor, but a couple years ago my father went in for a colonoscopy after experiencing abdominal pain. His doctor was a pretty young guy, and the procedure went routinely, with one "growth" removed for biopsy.

Within hours of the surgery, my dad spiked a fever of 105 F and went to the emergency room. With no idea what happened, the doctors opened him up to find actual poop all over his body cavity. The young doctor had removed my dad's appendix tie-off scar, which had been done using an out-of-date method from the 90s. He had no idea what it would look like, and didn't realize what he was cutting off, basically popping a poop balloon inside my dad's body.

He's okay now, but he nearly died. We didn't sue, but the hospital paid for the colonoscopy and the following emergency procedures for us, which was nice of them.

NotableNobody

37. Studying Hard

I was attending a school that did a drawing for free housing each year. It was a big production with prizes given out throughout the night with the big prize of free housing for a year, about $5,000, given out at the end. I stayed for most of the night but decided to study instead of stick around for the drawing. Guess who was called out first? You had to be present to win.

Sharkbait_ooohaha

38. Slow Drip

There was a leak from my bathroom upstairs to the kitchen right underneath it. Every time someone would shower, water would slowly begin to drip into the kitchen. I thought there was a leak somewhere in the drainpipe and I took the kitchen ceiling down looking for it. And this was an old home, so there was this cement type of plaster with metal latticework through it on top of wooden slats.

It took forever to expose the drainpipe...only to find out that the little knob thing on the shower faucet that you pull up to turn on the shower had broken and I just needed to replace that. That piece costs me $7. Then I had to completely replace my kitchen ceiling.

-Words-Words-Words-

39. Walk It Off

woman riding wheelchair near treesPhoto by Zachary Kyra-Derksen on Unsplash

I was discussing a recent surgery I had at work to a bunch of people, including a lady with spina bifida who lives in a wheelchair. I specifically was talking about how annoyed I was by not being able to walk for three weeks. I revisit that one a lot.

Tavyan

40. Beyond Remedy

I work in pharmaceutical manufacturing. A co-worker of mine in error threw away a filter used to sterilize drugs before it is filled into syringes, vials, or whatever. The company searched through a local landfill looking for it. Without this filter being tested for integrity, the product cannot be verified as sterile.

The filter was never found and the entire lot was thrown out. The total loss was nearly $2.5 million USD.

dontreadthisreddit

41. An Old One And Not A Good One

This was in high school. She invited me to her house to have dinner with her family and I didn't know them very well yet. The conversation turned to names we thought were old-fashioned and ugly-sounding. We all threw out a few like Gertrude, Bertha, and Eugene, and then I said the one thing that ruined everything.

I said, "At least that one's not as bad as Deborah!" I used my ugly voice and everything. Her mom's name is Deborah. Her grandmother was also at the table with us.

Fridge_crisis

42. Forgetting To Lock The Tiger Away

brown and black tiger showing tonguePhoto by Kartik Iyer on Unsplash

Once I left a door to a tiger's enclosure unlocked and let the tiger back in after I was done cleaning. Walked by a couple minutes later doing a lock check, realized my mistake, and nonchalantly placed the lock back on the door and kept walking past coworkers while internally freaking out.

I could have gotten myself or someone else mauled by a tiger that day.

tigerwaitress

43. A Life Well-Lived Isn’t Over Yet

Not commercial, but hobby flyer. I was out with a couple of mates on a nice day, and we decided to all go out. I don’t have my pilot's license, but a mate offered to let me take over. Anyway, we’re flying at a medium kinda altitude, when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed our altitude drop significantly—my heart leaps into my throat and I panicked.

My friends didn’t notice. I started remembering things in my life: my first bike ride; my dad walking in on me shoving a chessboard in my butt and telling me we got a new puppy; my first love. I told my friend, a more experienced pilot, who politely told me that the dial was just broken, and the altitude was fine.

notafrogbutalmost

44. Tinder Stack

I accidentally left a stack of paper coffee cups next to the stove. Shortly after I headed home from my shift, I heard sirens go wailing by. The restaurant was on fire and when they put it out, there was several hundred thousand dollars in damage for equipment alone. Needless to say, I was fired and then under investigation for quite a while afterward.

Permalink

45. Runaway Driver

child in yellow hoodie sitting on strollerPhoto by Marina Abrosimova on Unsplash

I was working on one of those TV shows where you do stupid things in public and film people’s reactions. In the skit we were doing, a man would be jogging with a stroller containing a life-like baby doll, and I was going to hit him with a car. The jogger was wearing bright green—they dress funny on these shows so that you don't mix up the cast with pedestrians. So, I'm cruising up to the stop sign in a beat-up old ford, my adrenaline is really pumping.

This was my first time actually being involved in a skit. I see the bright green jumpsuit, and I rev it—but when I realized what was happening it was too late. I hit the wrong guy. It was just some dude jogging with his kid. I realized what happened when the guy I hit didn't jump onto the hood the way you're supposed to in these stunts. I honestly don't remember anything about the incident after that, I was in shock. The dad had a few broken bones, the baby was fine.

Needless to say, there was a huge settlement paid out. I'm currently pursuing an unrelated career.

ranoverbaby

46. Nepotism Doesn’t Work, People

I lost my father's company three million dollars in assets due to a typo. As an 18-year-old intern.

tehichigo

47. Having Your Heart Ripped Out

My brother is a surgeon, and during part of his residency, he had to work in the pediatric unit. He was working with two newborns. One was getting much better and fighting for life. He was going to make it just fine. The other baby was hours from death. He wasn't going to make it. My brother was in charge of informing the families.

My brother realized about 15 minutes later that he had mixed up the families. He told the family with the healthy baby that their baby wasn't going to make it, and he told the family with the dying baby that their baby was going to be just fine. He then had to go back out to the families and explain the situation to them.

How devastating. To be given a glimmer of hope and have it ripped away from you not even an hour later. That was most upset I've heard my brother. He felt destroyed.

AndromedaStain

48. Under Pressure

person slicing vegetablePhoto by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

I cooked a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner for an ex of mine back in 2002 or so. I was making some sort of chicken dish. I put it in a pot to cook. Meanwhile, my girl and I were hanging out in the bedroom while it was cooking. Let’s just say we got a little “preoccupied” for the next little while. Then, a few minutes later, I suddenly thought “Uh oh, the chicken!” and went running downstairs to check on it.

I ran into the kitchen completely naked and grabbed the lid off. Apparently, I had unknowingly used my roommate’s pressure cooker. I didn’t actually know what a pressure cooker was at the time, but I definitely do now! I forced the lid open and got boiling water all over my stomach, arms, and private area. I spent the rest of that Valentine's Day in the emergency room getting burns treated.

drewuncc

49. Second Time Is Not A Charm

This will probably get buried and although I am a doctor this was NOT me but this happened to a doctor I know.

A patient had gone in for surgery on their right knee. The surgeon did surgery and everything was fine except he did the surgery on the wrong knee. Fast forward a few days and the patient returned for surgery on the correct knee. The surgeon did surgery on the patient's knee and forgot a sponge in the knee. The wrong knee, once again.

altiff

50. Explosive Touch

I blew my hand up with a firework. The surgery alone to fix the five bones I broke cost $27,000. That doesn't include two casts, pain meds, physical therapy, and two braces.

Gusgus73014

Girl whispering into a boy's ear
saeed karimi/Unsplash

Everyone, at some point in their lives, has managed to keep confidential information a secret.

Whether it was an individual's embarrassing past or someone else's behavior that you weren't supposed to witness but did, most people generally manage to show restraint by not revealing secrets.

Until they don't.

Sometimes it depends on how scandalous the secrets are.

But some are relatively easier to keep than others.

Curious to hear from strangers who've managed to be tight-lipped, Redditor MrBowls asked:

"What’s a harmless/non-serious secret you’ve kept forever?"

These Redditors did what they could to keep up with appearances.

Covering Up Mom's Habit

"My mom was a meth addict. So my siblings and I grew up with very little. Normally she would pull her head out of her a** enough around the holiday season to sign up with a church or charity to get us a food box and some presents. However by the time I was 11 she was so far gone we could go weeks without seeing her leave her room or her be completely gone from the house. I entered a drawing contest at my school around this time. I won a $100 gift certificate to our local mall."

"One day after making sure my siblings made it to school I played hooky and walked to the mall(about 3.5 miles) I bought my three siblings some presents(almost forgot to get myself something ended up buying some discounted body wash) then had them wrapped there at the mall before trekking home. I hid the presents in the crawl space till the 24th (I was right our mom did nothing) when my siblings were distracted by a movie, I snuck out and put the box of presents on the front porch before knocking and running away. I snuck back in the back door by the bathroom and heard my siblings yelling 'someone left a box on the porch that says Merry Christmas' I had also spent the last week before winter break going door to door asking for canned food donations, saying it was for a food drive at my church (I didn't have a church) so that we didn't spent the whole winter break hungry."

"I'm so glad all 4 of us made it out of our childhood, and not one of us took the same path as the woman who birthed us Edit:spelling."

– Beautiful_Ad1219

Keeping Up A Ruse

"My friend is a major, major, Death Cab for Cutie fan. They came to our city a couple years ago, and I knew she wouldn’t be able to afford the tickets to go. She was upbeat about it, but I know she was devastated by it."

"I bought tickets. Two days before the show, I told her that the friend I originally planned to take couldn’t go, and would she please come with me? There was no other friend. Told her I loved the band and would be sad to miss them. She of course accepted, and had the time of her life."

"She’s doing much better now, but every couple of Christmases or Birthdays, she gets me some Death Cab merchandise because 'she knows how much I love the band.'"

"I can’t stand their music. I literally have them blocked on Spotify. But now it’s gone too far where I can’t tell her."

– chernygal

A Worthy Replacement

"First marriage to my late wife, on the day of the wedding, the ring got stolen out of my car. I was freaking out. My two best men went into overdrive and took a picture I had if the ring and went to I don't know how many jewelry stores explaining what had happened and if they had a ring that was similar."

"They went to this really great jewelry maker so said, 'I have something that is really close, give me a bit and I can make it perfect.'"

"He worked his a** off and got it done with about an hour to spare, plus the managed to get my window fixed."

"The three of us are the only ones who know. It stays that way! I ended up using that jewelry maker for any jewelry I needed and well I haven't stopped yet."

"He ended up telling my best men to not worry about the price and for me to come down after the honeymoon to work it out. I did and he gave it to me at the cost of the materials. He is a great guy. He retired during COVID."

– UtahCyan

Nobody needed to know. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Crafty Dad

"My mum is a health nut (with probably disordered eating) who wouldn’t let us have cheese in the house when I was kid. When I was mid 20s, I bought a unit and my dad was helping me fix stuff up so I provided lunch. I said to him - bet you’re going to hate going back to work next week and not have any cheese on your sandwiches. It was then he told me his deepest secret, he had been buying blocks of cheese at work for years. I had no idea he was crafty. And my mum still doesn’t. Poor dad has been retired for years though so not sure on the current cheese consumption status."

– rumblemumbles

Don't Pet Raccoons

"One day I came home late at night drunk and decided to walk my dog. Just when we arrived outside my house my dog attacked a racoon hanging around the area. I ended up wrestling my malamute and freed the racoon from his jaws."

"Here's the thing. I was drunk and the racoon kinda just stared at me infront of me and I decided to try and pet the racoon. I got maybe one pet in before it took a chunk out of my finger. I ran into the house leaving a trail of blood up to my brothers room for help. A sleepless night in the hospital and 4 consecutive rabies shots later was the result."

"Everyone asked me what happened and I just told them while I heroically wrestled my dog to save the racoon I got bit in the process. They still don't know the real story. It still gets brought up 10 years year."

– August-thecow

Saving Dad's Life

"I was about 10 years old and was pretending to be sick to avoid going to school. This was the 1980's so the old-school, glass tube, mercury-filled thermometers were still a thing."

"My dad was getting ready to leave for work as I worked my magic to convince my mom to let me stay home for the day. Neither one of them was having it. I persisted."

"Out of frustration, my mom grabbed the thermometer and put it under my tongue. I knew it would read 98.6 and this was my only shot to avoid school for the day."

"Both of my parents stepped out of the room for a moment. I looked over and saw my dad's piping hot cup of coffee sitting on the counter awaiting his morning commute. I quickly dipped the thermo into the hot java."

"It instantly shattered emptying the toxic mercury into the coffee along with tiny shards of glass. I panicked. In my mind, there were only a couple possible outcomes. My dad dies of heavy metal poisoning and a lacerated esophagus. Or, I fess up to what I did."

"I could hear them coming around the corner about to return to the kitchen. At the last possible second, I swatted my dad's mug off the kitchen counter smashing it on the floor creating a coffee explosion in my mom's freshly cleaned kitchen."

"They burst in the kitchen aghast at the mess I created. I reply with a flurry of sorrys and apologize profusely for being clumsy. My dad is furious because now he won't have coffee on his way to work. My mom is pissed and she starts cleaning up the mess."

"In the chaos everyone forgets about my claims of illness. I slipped the remainder of the broken thermo into the trash and went to the bus stop saving my father from a horrible death--at least in my mind at the time. Until this day, I have never told anyone about this."

– from_the_interwebz

These anecdotes will warm your heart.

Encouraging A Splurge

"I convinced my sister I had entered us both in a blog giveaway, I won a coupon but she won the grand prize , a $300 gift card to Lane Bryant. My sister was a size 16, and desperately needed new clothes but would spend money on her baby grandkids and thin adult daughters. This was the only way I could make sure she spent it on herself. It’s been 10 years. She’s doesn’t know."

"Edit: thank you kind strangers. I’m glad she doesn’t know what Reddit is, or she’d definitely figure this out !"

– Remarkable_Story9843

A Dying Mother's Legacy

"When my wife died, she had been working on 'special occasion' letters for all of our kids. Towards the end, the cancer had spread to her brain and she wasn’t able to focus on writing much, and when she did, it was often unintelligible gibberish. I tried to help her by taking dictation but she said it would mean more if it was in her own handwriting and wanted to finish it. She slipped into a coma and died after only getting through a handful of letters for our eldest child, leaving addressed envelopes only for our other two kids."

"I knew this would be devastating for the three kids, and possibly create conflict, so I paid a woman who specialized in calligraphy to literally duplicate my wife’s handwriting. I gave her the content, channeling my wife’s comments she made to me about what I thought would be meaningful words to our three kids when I had helped her dictate a few. And, as she wanted, I have passed them out on special occasions of wedding dates, birth of first child dates, first day of college dates, etc."

"My kids don’t know. They’ve even shared the ones she actually wrote with ones written by her surrogate and thus far the secret remains safe. I haven’t told anyone else this but Reddit and hope it stays here a secret as well. I’ll take it to my grave. I consider it harmless as it was her intent but cancer robs so much from people afflicted with it…including their best, most sincere attempts at helping others cope with the loss themselves."

"EDIT: Wow, thank you for all the awards and comments of encouragement gang. I’m humbled by some of the messages. Thank you."

– Walleyevision

As you see, secrets are complicated depending on the situation.

Some secrets are kept to not only respect the privacy of others, but also out of kindness to protect the positive illusion to disguise a cruel reality.

Can you be trusted with keeping a secret under any circumstance?

Assortment of colorful food
Photo by Jimmy Dean on Unsplash

Certain foods are almost synonymous with being eaten a certain way.

For example, sushi is traditionally eaten with chopsticks and dipped in soy sauce seasoned with ginger and wasabi, while Moroccan food is believed to be enjoyed much more when eaten by hand.

Others are a bit more flexible in terms of how they should be served, such as the age-old debate as to whether ice cream is better in a cup or a cone.

Sometimes, however, people choose a way of eating certain foods in a manner that is anything but traditional.

In their opinion, however, what they're eating proves to be even more delicious in this unorthodox fashion.

Keep reading...Show less
A man floats on his back in the ocean, while reading a book
Photo by Toa Heftiba

There will never be enough time to consume all the facts and figures life has to offer.

My favorite type of new info is strange and unusual facts.

They're great for parties and first dates.

And one should always be ready to be on a quiz show.

You never know when it could happen.

And knowing the length of a giraffe's legs could win you millions.

Or make you the most interesting chatterbox in a room.

Keep reading...Show less