Doctors Reveal How Often Their Patients Fake An Illness
Doctors are remarkably busy people. Now imagine just how many of them see patients who waste their time by faking illnesses.
Today's burning question came from Redditor kblimey2, who asked the online community: "Doctors of reddit, how often do you know that a patient is faking an illness?"
Some of these are infuriating.
"One of the stronger narcotic pain meds..."
One of the stronger narcotic pain meds we have is called "Dilaudid".
People love that sh*t.
Sickle cell patients usually know exactly what works for them, and also have a known history at the hospital. When they come in we just ask what they need and give it to them, we know them, we trust them.
One day this random John Doe comes in listing textbook sickle cell symptoms without much detail (red flag). He's got no record in the hospital (red flag). He's got "allergies" (red flag). He says:
"I'm allergic to Tylenol, Motrin, aspirin, morphine, lidocaine, capsaicin, ketorlac, fentanyl patch, Aleve. I can't remember what they gave me last time, it was the only thing that worked. It started with a "D" and rhymed with "bilaudid"".
Bruh, get out of my ED.
"I worked inpatient Neuro..."
I worked inpatient Neuro and this lady called like 3 of her outpatient providers saying she needed a refill on her prescribed benzos AND narcotics because, and I quote, she "flushed them down the toilet because she was going to the hospital and didn't want anyone to steal them," except that makes zero sense and, also, YOU'RE IN THE HOSPITAL. We literally have your med list and give them to you while you're there. It's not a hotel or something. You don't need to bring your own stuff.
Obviously she was livid when nobody would fill her script 2.5 weeks early and said we were trying to torture her. She also s*it on the floor in protest several times and even once in her only pair of PJs from home. She was very unpleasant. We have a huge drug issue around my area so we see this stuff often.
"The look on her face..."
Had a patient fake having a stroke. Even received the clotbuster drug, went through all the CTs and MRIs, the whole shebang. Faked the one-sided weakness, severe speech and language deficits. Didn't help that her speech/language errors were grossly inconsistent. And that she kept forgetting which side was supposed to be her weaker side when working with PT/OT. Or that she was caught Googling aphasia symptoms on her phone (despite being completely unable to read simple words at eval.) She was trying to get on disability. And wouldn't you know it, as soon as she was told workman's comp won't pay and that she would not be able to drive for an indefinite amount of time (after just having such a severe stroke, after all) the next day her speech and language symptoms were completely resolved. A goddamn Christmas miracle in July.
A couple years later, I see a woman for the exact same thing. Literally talking on the phone, chatting it up with family present but as soon as I come in her language falls apart. Even the elderly mother comments "It's so strange how she was just talking to us just fine but you have her try to read or say a couple words aloud and it's impossible! Why is that?"
"...I'll be right back."
I check her chart and pull up old notes. My old notes. It's the same woman as before. I tell the physician about her faking and he's on the same page as me.
The best part was walking back into the room and having her ask "so when can I get outta here and start driving again?"
"Oh dear, no!" I wave the wasted time of a fake evaluation I just had to complete with her. "From the deficits I saw on your eval, as well as PT/OT documenting fluctuating vision issues, there's no way any doctor will let you on the road for quite a while without some rehab prior!"
The look on her face when I said that made it almost worth all the time I had to waste on her jerking me around with her malingering.
I'm sure symptoms magically resolved the next day.
"I'm a paramedic."
I'm a paramedic. It's pretty easy to tell, but you always treat them by the book anyways just in case you're wrong.
Some people fake unconsciousness for attention, you can sternal rub them and pinch the nail bed with no response. I'll squirt a bit of saline at their face without warning to see if they flinch, or hold their hand above their face and let go to watch it magically fall to the side.
Those people still get full vitals, cardiac monitor, and glucose check though.
"Probably what I've seen most often..."
Less often than you'd think. IMO, we doctors think we're a better judge of character than we really are.
Probably what I've seen most often as a family med resident in a heavily opioid-laden community is complaints about chronic pain, and they're often very tough to deal with, because many are real and many are not. Patients are often insulted by the fact they have to give urine drug tests and sign contracts, but I've been burned several times. I had a new patient recently come in for chronic lower back pain asking to continue his existing Rx for Oxycodone 30mg 3 times a day, and that's a TON of opioid. I was able to see that he filled a weird number of these tabs (99?) in another state just a week ago. Called the pharmacy and they told me the doc who wrote the Rx is a suspected cash doc selling scripts for money and under investigation. I pressed the issue and he started crying, admitted that he's been selling pills to get by after he lost his job. Felt bad for him but obviously I can't do anything about it. His story is unfortunately common.
If you're looking for "funny" stories, I've seen a significant amount of what we call "psychogenic non-epileptic seizures" (or, hilariously, PNES), aka pseudoseizures. Not saying these are always people actively faking seizures - in fact, they can be a symptom of serious psychiatric issues - but it's also a great way to get benzos or feed a histrionic personality. Here's some of my favorite "seizures" I've witnessed:
Old woman literally putting her hand on her forehead and fainting dramatically into her husband's arms, and then saying "Whew that was a bad one!"
Young girl resting in bed, then saying "I feel one coming on!" and then closing her eyes and running in place, curiously aborted by flushing her IV with saline (salt water).
Another young girl falling down and straight up humping the ground immediately after informing me that the only thing that keeps her seizures away is Valium.
Middle-aged woman with "arm jerking seizures" that are only treated by IV dilaudid.
Young man resting in bed and then just screams his head off for 5 minutes while bouncing up and down in bed, also immediately aborted when he thwacked his head on the bed rail and had to get stitched up.
"I have so many of these!"Giphy
I have so many of these!!
--Male patient, 18 years old, rolled in unconscious. Mom says he's been like that for the past four hours. Go to check his lungs when I hear something interesting. I place the stethoscope near his mouth and hear him breathe in normally, but then breathe out by saying 'breath'. No joke.
--Male patient, 21 years old, admitted with inability to speak for last two hours and respiratory distress. Lungs clear, but we hook him up to oxygen for a few minutes. After he's taken off, his father comes running and drags me over, saying his sons tongue refuses to go back in after receiving the oxygen. I look at the kid and he's seriously just lying there with his tongue poking out like a child. I tell them to push it back in. A few hours later the dad tells me the boy is convulsing. I go to see without making my presence known and he's lying there just fine. The moment I ask the mom how he's doing, he starts 'convulsing'. Think of an odd version of the worm, but on his back.
--Female patient, 16 years old, admitted with complaints of recurrent seizures and frothing from the mouth. I look at her and she is literally blowing spit bubbles. I check her reflexes, everything is intact. The moment I turn away to check on another patient, she suddenly becomes 'rigid' and the spitting intensifies.
--Male patient, 30 years old, unconscious and completely unresponsive for six hours. This guy was totally dedicated to his act. I initially approached it as a stroke, but when the blood pressure, ECG, reflexes, pupils, etc all are normal....I start checking pain sensation. He slowly began to open his eyes and groan as I asked him to tell me his name, but the moment his Achilles' tendon was pressed, he suddenly sat up, stated his name, and declared himself cured.
--Female patient, 17 years old, complained of respiratory distress and convulsions. Everything's normal on admission, and she's conscious but refuses to eat. Parents are worried out of their minds, and every few minutes she has a 'fit' where she would just basically shake from side to side. She let slip to a nurse that she didn't want to go to school that week, so she was faking an illness. Since she was refusing to eat, the attending wrote up an order for a nasogastric tube (which was inserted and then removed by her in a matter of minutes), and we prescribed her sugar pills because her parents wouldn't let us transfer her to psychiatry or discharge her. She finally left after four days.
"One common way..."
One common way to figure out if someone is faking abdominal pain to get opioids goes kind of like this:
"Having some belly pain?"
Groans Yeah 10/10!"
Pushes on belly
Groans louder "That really hurts! Now it's a 14/10!"
"Okay, I'm going to listen now with my stethoscope!"
Places stethoscope in same spot where I pushed and pushing with the stethoscope bell even harder than before
Learned that trick and it's interesting how many people forget that they need to start faking again because they just think I'm focusing on listening to bowel sounds.
"Here's your Rx..."
Every Doc/Nurse will tell you the same answer:
- Patient knows the exact name of the narcotic they need to help with the pain.
- They have tried every other drug and nothing helps.
- Their heart rate is 75, bp is 124/77.
Me: "Here's your Rx of Extra Strength Motrin. Have a nice day."
Patient: "I'M GOING TO F*CKING SUE YOU!"
Frequently, at my hospital. We get state funding to serve the underprivileged, so all the homeless come here. We have a lot of "frequent fliers" that will come in and fake symptoms to get food, a bed to sleep in, or drugs. Most really don't even want drugs though, they just want food.
"As soon as someone says..."
As soon as someone says they have an allergy to Tylenol or Advil. Raises all kinds of red flags...generally see this when someone is addicted to pain meds.
"Am a nurse."
Am a nurse. The fakers always say they're not faking and can put good language to their 'symptoms ' genuine sufferers are less vocal about their illness and aren't as drug seeking even though they deserve to be.
"Husband is a paramedic..."Giphy
Husband is a paramedic and he gets it a lot, like many others have stated, when the patient knows the painkiller they need by name, something is up.
Another one he says is when they refuse the green whistle. It's a fast acting temporary pain relief that paramedics use as both pain relief, but to also give the patient a distraction. If you're in legitimate pain then you suck on the whistle, you don't start up a debate on the effectiveness of IV painkillers vs painkillers you inhale.
A story he came home with once was a guy who supposedly fell down one step and was lying on the floor screaming in pain. They could hear him before they even arrived, from a street away. The second they walk over his screaming goes from "AHHHHH AHHHHHHHH" to "QUICK, BRING THE MORPHINE! THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE!"
"I worked peds..."
Obligatory: am nurse. Pseudoseizure is our nice way of saying you're faking a seizure. It's usually pretty obvious because a seizure is really hard to fake, but you'd be shocked how many people do. Anyways, if you lift a seizing persons arm above their face and drop it, it will land on their face. They are unconscious (tonic-clonic seizure) and will not protect themselves. Funny though, if they are "pseudoseizing" their arm always manages to juuuust miss their face. I worked peds and these were the worst because the parents bought it hook line and sinker and we had to tell them their kid was a faker. I had one arrive by helicopter once.
"It's a big part of healthcare."
By experience, daily. It's a big part of healthcare. We call things conversion disorder that are malingering because we don't want to mess with lives too much, but it's a huge thing. And you know it when you see it. Then when we doubt ourselves we pull out unusual objective or semiobjective tests. When someone is faking an illness though, it usually points towards a larger problem which deserves an attempt at treatment, although it's unfortunate that resources were wasted in the meantime.
"People aren't as clever..."
People aren't as clever as they think they are. We understand both disease and human behavior as sets of patterns. If you don't know the patterns as well as we do, your desperation stands out.
"When you tell them..."
When you tell them they can't go home until XYZ, they will suddenly find a miracle and voilà.
Anecdotally, they usually assume you're faking if they find no evidence of a problem. Most endometriosis patients get accused of faking / drug seeking / being crazy for years before being taken seriously.
People Break Down Which Practices The United States Needs To Adopt From Other Countries
We can all agree that there is something to appreciate about every country in the world, but there are arguably some countries that appear to have their ducks more consistently and happily in a row than others.
While it would be easy to let pride get in the way and continue to do things the same way, the more productive thing would be to learn from the countries who have figured out a better way to do certain things, whether it's healthcare, food banks, or other services.
Reflecting on the United States, Redditor Blinds**thead asked:
"What is one thing the USA should adopt from some other country?"
Introductions to Alcohol
"Swedish drinking laws. If I remember correctly, you can purchase alcohol below 5% at age 18, and be served liquor in bars (so the bartender can control the amount being served)."
"Seems like a smarter way to introduce kids to alcohol rather than opening the floodgates at 21."
Taxes to Approve
"I've never done them but they seem complicated and stress my parents out, so I just know I'll f**k mine up and end up in stupid jail, lol (laughing out loud)."
"Just send me something to sign, please!"
"A prison system that focuses on rehabilitation instead of punishment. Many countries have been successful with this saving literally billions of dollars and cutting down on crime."
Universal School Lunches
"Universal school lunches. It is embarrassing that we do not have folks cooking lunches for students from scratch and that it is not provided for free to all students."
"Do you want to bring your own lunch? Great, but you can also have the free hot lunch that looks homemade, not pizza squares, canned veggies, a slice of fruit, and 3 oz of milk."
"Kids shouldn't be going into debt for lunch. We're probably wealthy enough that our food waste alone would be sufficient, if captured magically, to feed every kid in the United States three proper meals per day."
"Also walkable cities and above-ground monorail systems."
"Finland has recently ended homelessness by just allowing people to live in small apartments without any preconditions, and four out of five of them make their way back to a stable life."
"It's also cheaper than allowing people to be homeless."
Foster Care Assistance
"It would be nice to also eliminate the fees foster parents pay for general registration, classes, and social services related to fostering or adoption."
"And also eliminate trying to recoup costs by billing parents whose children have been placed in foster care."
Longer Paid Family Leave
"I was SUPER blessed to get 12 weeks fully pay. But that’s not enough time. Putting the emotional aspect aside, I’ve returned to work functioning on four to five hours of sleep a night, and my productivity and cognitive abilities are greatly handicapped."
"My three-month-old son can’t even hold his head up or sit, let alone talk to tell me if anything’s wrong, and he’s placed in the care of someone else from 7:15 am to 5:15 pm. Doesn’t seem healthy for mother or child."
"The fact that our toilets don't have bidets and that at public restrooms the gap between the doors is massive, are both disgusting. Our whole bathroom situation is messed up."
Having a Siesta
"According to Dr. Andrew Huberman, whether you eat lunch or not, everyone requires a rest midday."
Tax Included in the Price
"Man, I had such a hard time with this when I visited America. Maths in my head is not my forte and I’m so used to looking at prices and expecting that to just be the price."
"I don’t get why you wouldn’t just add in the tax to the price. No one wants to do math unnecessarily. I mean, we don’t even tip in Australia so I don’t even need to work that out."
Raising Multilingual Children
"Teaching a foreign language to young students in public schools (ie 5yrs, k-5) when the propensity to learn the language quickly is maximum."
Clean Public Restrooms
"The clean restrooms in Japan were amazing. I never had to clean a toilet seat to put my young kids on it. In the states? Near every time. People here just don’t care about the ‘we’ when it comes to restrooms."
Separate Work and Healthcare
"Decent healthcare that isn't tied to your job. Other countries all over the world have figured out different ways to do this, so why can't we? (I know, corporations own politicians.)"
"I'm not an expert, but I'm guessing it would destabilize a bunch of industries in the near term. But I wonder if long-term, it would create so much new innovation since people would be unafraid to lose their health benefits to leave their stable but s**tty corporate jobs to start new ventures."
Designated Drivers on the Go
"In Japan, there is a service that you can call 24 hours per day that will come with two drivers and one car. One driver drives you and your car home, and the other follows in their car to pick up the driver that took you home with your car. No DUI, etc."
"It's actually really affordable there. No need to get an uber home that night and then an uber back the next day when you are hungover only to find out you have a million parking tickets or your car got towed."
Though there are positives to every country, it would be so cool to see each country be more open-minded about adopting the positives of other countries.
If a country is doing something better than another, the best thing for the citizens would be to take some notes, rather than let their pride do the talking.
Every year, at the end of the Academy Awards, while the auditorium erupts in cheers upon the announcement of the Best Picture winner, as they are somewhat obligated to do, many viewers at home instead shake their heads and raise their eyebrows.
That's if they don't throw popcorn or worse at their TVs.
While those who did so when La La Land was announced as the winner in 2017 would end up getting their revenge in what remains one of the biggest blunders of Oscar history, others are still reeling at some past winners, which they believe were more worthy of a Razzie than an Oscar.
Taste being subjective, plenty of people still find themselves confused by some films which won countless awards, received across-the-board raves, and are considered classics or masterpieces, but they find to be utterly unbearable.
Often finding themselves in an unpopular minority and having to keep their opinion to themselves, similar to Seinfeild's Elaine Benes and her unique disdain for The English Patient.
"Which film that’s universally praised do you find utterly repulsive?"
"My best friend really enjoys movies that make you anxious and uncomfortable like 'Uncut Gems' and 'Good Time', but I firmly do not like those kinds of movies."
"I know it's the point, but i find no joy in the level of discomfort I feel while watching them."
"Some other honorable mentions:"
Not Exactly Authentic
"'The Greatest Showman'."
"Mostly on the grounds that the real P T Barnum was a f*cking monster."- LostMercenary99
"The real John Smith was a f*cking sick bastard and the true events most definitely weren't a love story at all."- CagedKagepocahontas GIFGiphy
Who The "Devil" Was Is Debatable...
"'The Devil Wears Prada'."
"I just wanted everyone in that movie to die in a fire."- PothierM
Tearjerker, Or Sleeping Pill?
"I don't know if it's universally praised but I f*cking hate it."- sara_c907
One Of The All Time Creepiest Shower Scenes...
"Every damn Christmas."
"To be fair I can’t really stand Will Ferrel in general."- cook-isationwill farrel ross geller GIFGiphy
The Title Could Refer To The People Leaving The Theater...
"'Fast and Furious', just a terribly written extremely corny show."- tds542
Fern Gully Did It Better...
"All day long."
'Those blue miserable tw*ts."- akbarkhan666
There Was Bound To Be One...
"I don't know about utterly repulsive, but I have a hard time seeing why everyone loves 'Citizen Kane'."
"And I understand that there was movie making before 'Citizen Kane' and movie making after 'Citizen Kane' such that it informed movie makers going forward as to how it's done, let's say, but after a certain point we, the audience, don't see that anymore, and it's just another movie."
"And then I hear people say well it highlights social hierarchy under capitalism and such, but a lot of movies do that."
"And then there's the twist at the end which is not much of a twist which is the point, I suppose, but the whole thing seemed like a letdown when I finally watched it."
'As a result while a lot of people say it's their number one movie ever or at least in their top 10, it's on my top 10 list of movies not to watch again."- emjayseacitizen kane applause GIFGiphy
Why Not Just Do A Documentary?
"I think it's atrocious how they create hyperreality by over romanticizing the life of a famous person."
"Out of all the awful biopics however, i despise 'Bohemian Rhapsody' the most."
"The scene where the band supposedly invents 'We Will Rock You' on the spot makes my skin crawl."
"How did that movie end up winning so many awards, despite all the plot inaccuracy's and the poor editing."
"It is really beyond me."- Biemolt
Maybe Too Realistic?
'Not utterly repulsive, but I'm in the minority for thinking that 'Nomadland''s Best Picture win was a joke."
"It was barely a movie and relied too much on performance exploitation of actual people for its thin-as-f*ck narrative."
"Honestly, it might be my least favorite BP winner of recent times, yes I'd say that even 'Crash', 'The Artist' and 'Green Book' were better."- SamwisethePoopyButt
Not To Mention That Fake Baby...
"Shameless piece of 'Merican' propaganda, and I couldn't help but laugh at Bradley Cooper's portrayal in the first half hour."- mos_methBradley Cooper Baby GIFGiphy
Truman Capote Would Agree...
"Breakfast at Tiffany's."- LucyVialli
He Did Not Have Them At Hello...
"It was just TOO. DAMN. LONG."
"The 'Show me the money' bit was funny, but it happened early on in the film, and the rest dragged on forever."- Brilliant_Tourist400
We All Know "Moonlight" Was Better...
"'La La Land'."
"The music was utterly forgettable and the plot felt like it was written by a bunch of Hollywood executives jerking each other off."- Aviator506Emma Stone Love GIF by La La LandGiphy
Needless to say, everyone's taste is different, and everyone is entitled to their opinion.
Meaning there's bound to be an argument at the next "movie night" you have with friends over whether to watch Citizen Kane or Spice World.
And you should feel no shame in expressing which movie you want to watch.
Or rather, "what you really, REALLY, want" to watch...
Everyone wishes there was something different about their body.
Smaller nose, longer legs, a different hair or eye color.
There are those, however, whose frustrations with their body are less personal, and more universal.
Finding themselves frustrated less with their own DNA, but with human anatomy in general.
Frustrated by how certain functions work the way they do, and feeling there could be significant improvements in other departments as well.
"What is the biggest design flaw of the human body?"
Would Make A Lot Of People Less Cautious
"Unable to regenerate body parts."
"You lose an arm or a leg, you can't grow a new one."
"We can grow hair and nails forever, but not body parts."- drygnfyre
And Maybe The Whole Childbirth Process While We're At It...
"The size of the average baby head vs the size of the average vagina."- Ruggiard
"The Obstetric Dilemma."
"Basically, the human body isn't built for easy birth."- strykazoidSeason 3 Baby GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
It Isn't Terribly Practical If You Think About It...
"IMO the whole 'we put food into the only air hole we have and can choke and die if we aren’t careful' thing is a pretty big miss."- el_rico_pavo_real
"Throat has a built in flaw - we breath n swallow food through the same area."- coolguy1793B
A More Direct Route Would Be Helpful
"I like the example of the recurrent laryngeal nerve."
"It runs from the brain to the larynx."
"However, to get there it goes from the brain, down the neck, into the chest, around the aorta and then back up the chest, up the neck and then connects to the larynx."
"That's a massive detour."
"It also means a blow to the chest can damage your ability to talk."- The_Thunder_ChildGiphy
Never Underestimate The Damage Teeth Can Do
"The fact that I sometimes accidentally eat the inside of my mouth."- -Grey_Area-·
He Does Have A Point
"'Nostalgia is the greatest human weakness. Second only to the neck'... -Dwight Schrute
In Plain Sight...
"In our eyes, the blood vessels supplying our photoreceptors are in front of them and therefore in the way of the incoming light."
"Probably not the biggest and there are some good justifications for it being set up this way."
"But it still must be such a pain for the brain constantly having to edit these out when forming our visual experience."- oliwoggleLoop Eyes GIF by Doze StudioGiphy
Maybe Just Every Illness And Ailment?
"My aunt had one when she was 31 and the healthiest person in the world."
"Ran an aerobics class at the Y, just perfect perfect health."
"Went to Pizza Hut with her the night before, next day, massive stroke, almost died, critical surgery, twenty years later she still has trouble speaking."
"There is no reason that should’ve happened."
"Perfectly healthy person damaged for the rest of her life."
"She’s still amazing and lovely and my favorite person but damn is that annoying."- Jibber_Fight
"You can kinda just die at any moment from a brain aneurysm, even if you're perfectly healthy."- mcsteve87
All Our Bones Could Be Stronger...
"For upright walking creatures, why is our head so (relatively) delicate?"
"Trip a single time and you're blinded, have brain damage, bit off your tongue, or lost teeth."- kmn493Episode 15 Pain GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
They Arguably Also Weren't Built For Stairs...
"Our knees for sure."
"They just weren't built to last past 40 years."- TopShelfCrazy
A Couple More On/Off Switches Would Be Helpful As Well...
"That we cannot delete or sort unwanted/not needed info and memories from our brains."- PickAName616
As the saying goes, "nobody's perfect."
Or rather, "no BODY is perfect."
Otherwise, we'd all stop complaining about aching limbs or worrying about choking or other injuries.
People Share The Absolute Worst Relationship Advice They've Ever Received
Relationships are hard, and sometimes, they're confusing. When you're having a problem with your partner, or you're inexperienced and looking for lessons, you turn to your friends and family for advice.
Sometimes, the advice is sound and helps make things better.
Other times, the advice is trash and makes everything worse.
Redditors know this all too well, and are sharing the worst relationship advice they've ever gotten.
It all started when Redditor Spectrelegit asked:
"What is the worst relationship advice you've ever heard?"
Loyal As A Dog
"Any "loyalty tests". Always a bad idea."
"Heard a youtube therapist once say that as soon as you decide to do a loyalty test, you've already decided the relationship is over because either they fail and you can't trust them, or they pass and you show them that you don't trust them and they stop being able to trust you"
"Ultimatums fall under a similar category."
"If this is a current situation it sounds pretty toxic, and if you are unhappy I hope you get the support you need to make any changes."
Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend
"Spend 3 months salary on an engagement ring. This was literally started by the rich diamond families to increase sales."
"My girl literally threw a jewelry store book at me with the ring she wanted circled and happily said there was a coupon lol. It was like $80 but it's the one she wanted. We've been together for almost 10 years and happily married for nearly 3 now"
"Yeah it's ridiculous, there's lab created gems that are basically the same and a fraction of the cost."
"I’ve said this to friends and family several times when they’ve asked me while stressing about picking out expensive rings:"
"if the ring is the problem, then the ring is not the problem."
Not The Way To Go
"There was a Reddit post about a guy who told his partner that she stunk several times a day. Poor girl was horrified. It got to the point that she was showering incessantly, using industrial strength deodorants and he still complained non-stop."
"Paraphrasing here, but when finally confronted, it turns out his father had given him this sound advice: “Tell a women she smells bad, and she’ll never leave you.”"
"Daddy was wrong."
Anything Doesn't Go
"That you only truly care if you're "ride or die.""
"An ex once told me that she thought if she pushed me far enough that I'd leave. I told her "Yes, I would leave. Why would I want to be with someone who thought so little of me that they'd push me far enough?""
"I had put up with a lot of abusive behaviour from her and it didn't last much longer before she tested my statement and I did exactly what I said."
"Totally!! And that you should love your partner “unconditionally” ie any behaviour goes. Nope"
Maybe Not The Right Person To Ask
"A friend of mine once prefaced some unsolicited advice about my 10-year marriage with the phrase, "I've been in dozens of relationships..." and then he went on to rant about how men shouldn't do the grocery shopping or something stupid like that."
"Right, we had a three times divorced friend who loved to give relationship advice. Most of it was BS."
"The Children" Need A Good Example
"Stay together for the kids."
"I was the child. Please don’t."
"I was also the child. Your children know when you don’t love each other, when you’re fighting all the time because you decided to stay with someone you can barely tolerate. They will live with that knowledge and grow up with a warped perception of love and relationships because they were never given a proper example."
"They will either become obsessive and do whatever they can to make someone stay, or they’ll develop a fear of commitment that will ruin every relationship before they even get the chance to try it. Divorce can be messy, especially when kids are involved, but sometimes the alternative can be far worse. If you decide to have kids, do right by them."
"“There is a perfect person out there”"
"No. No there isn’t. There is no such thing. People change as they experience life. To believe someone will stay the same forever is silly. Pick someone who you can grow with and shares common values with you. Everyone has to make some compromises and that includes someone making them on you too."
Not A Great Justification
"Being married is like eating spaghetti every night for dinner. No matter what sauce you put on it, it's still spaghetti. Sometimes a man needs to eat some steak once in a while."
"That was from my dad while trying to justify cheating on my mom."
Look Good For You
"My (very attractive but very unhappy in her own marriage mother) tried to make me believe that the secret of a successful marriage is to look desirable at every hour of the day and night . Make up, clothes, perfume… anything to keep the husband interested. Having a personality is nice but not necessary."
"I feel guilty of this, although I also feel like I can take the time to get ready all I want, he’s still going to admire someone else and probably in front of you. Just get ready for yourself if it makes you feel better. I have always hated to go out in public to run into anyone bareface, whether it’s an old friend, someone who picked on me in school, an old crush."
"Not sure where it came from me being this way but growing up my parents made fun of me when I’d have no make up on. If I got bad grades or did something that upset them they’d take it away and give it back saying “I need it.” Then other days tell me I wear too much of it, like high school wasn’t enough already. I could never win."
"I know several people who believe this and it’s sad"
Don't Be Who You Are
"When I was a teenager, my mom told me to not let boys see I was smart because no man is attracted to a woman whose smarter than he is. Also, I should work on my laugh because no one would be attracted to my laugh."
"Being smart and passionate about your interests is the most attractive thing ever"
Tell Me I'm Right
"Most people that come to you for relationship advice don’t want to advice they want you to validate the terrible decision they are about to make."
"I think your statement applies to advice in general. A lot of people to want to actually change or put in effort, they just want validation for their choices."
Yeah, that tracks.
We cannot believe some folks are dishing out such advice!
Has anyone every told you something truly crazy to keep a relationship propped up? Let us know in the comments.