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Doctors Share The Worst Homemade 'Cures' Their Patients Have Tried

Doctors Share The Worst Homemade 'Cures' Their Patients Have Tried
National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

There's a reason doctors get paid so much. It's because they're really the only ones who can help you in a medical emergency.

Web MD is not going to help you with an accurate diagnosis, guessing at what you have and taking medicine for it rarely works, and if you are not a medical professional, you should not try to cure yourself. Period.

Many people swear by home remedies, and while some of these homemade concoctions can fortify you and strengthen your immune system, and may work for the common cold, they are not a proper solution to illness.

If you are sick, you should go to a doctor. These homemade cures you're about to read about are not only silly, but also dangerous.

Learn from the mistakes of your fellow humans.


Redditor PatrioticRomaniac asked:

"Doctors, what is the worst homemade "cure" a patient used for their illness?"

At The Cost Of A Foot

"An older woman with a big, gaping foot ulcer visited her family in Indonesia. Her sister took her to a spiritual healer, who instructed her to make an ointment and apply it to the ulcer. The ointment included herbs, sheep urine, olives, human hair. The day after applying the ointment, she was to cleanse the ulcer in the ocean. After a few weeks of this, the ulcer would heal."

"Obviously it did not heal and a rare mycoplasma bacteria found only in the ocean grew in her wound, and she lost her foot."

– manlikerealities

Needless Loss

"I knew someone who got cancer and decided to starve it instead of taking chemo. First results after the 40-day fast were promising but not for long. He died in less than a year. The sad part is, the survival rate with chemo for this type of cancer is really high and it was detected quite early"

– bibba747

Double Lies

"Had the fortunate luck to be privy to a patient's super duper secret way of getting rid of leg cramps at night. Get a cork, not just any cork though, it must be from a bottle of red wine, and tuck it in between your toes at night. He was very sure that was the cure that Big Pharma wasn't telling us. Completely irrelevant that he started taking a magnesium supplement at the same time as his new found super cure of toe-cork-fondling. So Big Pharma, if you're reading this, we all know now."

– SakuraFerretTrainer

Soup To Zits

"Dermatologist here, dude was trying to get rid of his papulopustulose acne with a homemade mask, which consisted of a mix of betametasone ointment, honey, cream cheese, yogurt, banana, and make-up in cream for "color"

"So many bad things here and the dude developed a nodular cystic acne after 3 or so applications, which he did daily because of course."

"Who suggested this abomination? Various YouTube videos and his own initiative of mixing everything in a bowl to cure faster"

– an_annoyed_jalapeno

The Wrong Seasoning

"I took my daughter to the Dr for a recurring ear infection when she was about four. The Dr took one look in her ear and asked me if I had seen her putting any foreign objects into her ears and I said no. He then took some tweezers and pulled out a small piece of what turned out to be garlic. I told him I had no idea how it got there, he said it was definitely making her ear infections worse. Turns out that her Dad and stepmom had heard that garlic oil can help cure infections and they didn't have any, so instead of taking my daughter to the doctor like they should have, they literally just shoved a small clove of garlic in my daughter's ear and left it there."

– starmama90

What Does "Reasonable" Mean Anymore

"i'm a pharmacist who works in an ER. I had a woman come in for chest pain and when I was interviewing her for her medication history, she was telling me how bad the pain was that she took EVERYTHING in her medicine cabinet. I asked her to list what she has in her medicine cabinet/what she took. The list went: Tylenol (acetaminophen) 2 tablets, Advil (ibuprofen) 2 tablets, Aspirin 2 tablets , heroin 1-2 points, Gravol... At which point I kind of had to go: hold up - you used how many points of what? And the patient very matter-of-factly stated that she came in because the heroin didn't help with the pain at all. Which in some ways I guess was a pretty reasonable course of action - since she came in since the heroin didn't work."

– moxifloxacin25

Burns In The Third Degree

"Nurse here. I used to work in a rural magnet hospital in the South. Had a patient who was there because he'd gotten athletes foot and decided to use an old mountain remedy: soak your feet in vinegar, lemon juice, and BOILING WATER to kill the fungus."

"In fairness, the original remedy probably called for merely hot water, but the guy went a little overboard with the temperature. He gave himself some nice bilateral third-degree burns on his feet. BUT there was no sign of any athletes foot, so he had that going for him, which was nice..."

– withinyouwithoutyou3

Slippery Kitty

"Not a doctor but my vet friend once had a client rub butter all over her cat in hopes that the cat would lick it off because the cat had stopped eating."

– PookSpeak

There Should Be A Test To Have Kids

"Doctor in the family told me an infant was brought into the ER incredibly ill, shaking, and vomiting from her day care. she had a huge oral ulcer in her mouth that her mom tried to cure by killing the bacteria but they were out of mouthwash so she diluted vodka in apple juice. She had the "can i see the manager" hair cut and threw a huge fit when CPS was called."

– suitology

Yes, This Makes Total Sense

"my sister one twisted her ankle, what does my Middle Eastern mom do? She wrapped a raw egg on her ankle. My sister went to the doctor 3 days after."

– wumbowing64

Maybe It Was A Different Vegetable?

"Not a doctor but when I had mono my mother put a fucking cut onion next to my bed and said it would suck in all the bacteria and I would be fine in a few days. Ended up having mono for almost a month and got strep for two weeks directly afterwards."

– GodOfBeverages

Burn Them Away

"Not a doctor, but I used to get warts on my hands and feet. We couldn't afford a doctor, so my dad used to just put out cigarettes on them until they went away."

– irrelevant_usernam3

Wait, Really?

"One of my attending physicians from residency did his training in West Virginia and had a patient come in to the ER saying she had leaves coming out of her vagina. He goes to do an exam and there actually were leaves coming out and he pulls out a potato. Turns out she had a pretty significant prolapse (uterus/bladder drop) and she had been used it to fix the prolapse and forgot about it!"

– Hufflepuff1024

This Is Nuts!

"Not a doctor, but a child who survived a hair brained remedy idea."

"To begin, I should explain that I have very very VERY thick hair. I have broken brushes in half getting through tangles. I have to use elastic headbands as ponytails because regular ponytails snap."

"THICK HAIR."

"At one point when I was a kid, lice was going around the school. This happens. However, even after emptying several full bottles of medicated lice shampoo on my head, my hair was so thick they just kept keeping on."

"My mother (whom I have a whole buttload of various horror stories of and emotional baggage from) and my aunt (same) get together and put on the ole’ thinking caps."

"What could kill these stubborn lice?"

"Rubbing alcohol? Nearly killed me, With my asthma, but not the bugs..."

"Then they struck idiot gold."

"Somehow they reasoned that they should use Kerosene."

"They absolutely DREMCHED my head in the stuff."

"No matter how much I washed my hair for the next month, it smelled like the stuff. I was terrified of open flames like no rational person should be."

"Lice did die though."

"This was done forcibly to me again as a teenager. It worked once, it’ll work twice, right?"

"Yeah....still half expecting to end up with skin cancer on my scalp..."

– itsaplatypi

I Think She'll Have Bigger Problems Soon

"My coworker told me she and her daughter Uses Vick’s vaporub on their eyeballs to treat some allergy related symptoms."

– Gunslinger_11

Gee, I Wonder...

"Not a doctor but support people quitting smoking. One client didn't understand why pouring orange juice in her ear daily wasn't working"

– gbell11

...Huh?

"This is similar, but it's the doctor instead of the patient. Once, we had the doctor try and help a patient with a sore throat. He bashed her neck with a shoe before escaping. His reasoning was that she can't have a sore neck if she has no neck, which I guess is right... we found him at Home Depot looking for a "pointer doctor stick""

– Ryan-The-Movie-Maker

Condiments Aren't Cures

"I'm a Paramedic and my partner told me the worst he has ever seen was for a burn patient. He said that he saw a teenager hobbling towards him covered in a bunch of white gooy gunk. So apparently homeboy was out in the country trying to start a big bonfire and he first decided to douse his big bundle with some gasoline before tossing a match in. Well it caught real fast and he got a big ol flash burn across his whole body. His momMa apparently use to be a "certified nurse" and covered him in mayonnaise because that would help treat the burn."

"Yeah nah, all she did was introduce a fu*kton of infection into his body and make it much more excruciating for him when my partner had to wipe it off of him and place burn bandages on him while they transported him to the hospital."

– acherem13

Google is not a licensed doctor, y'all! Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments.

Things People Secretly Love But Would Never Admit To In Public

Reddit user sweet_chick283 asked: 'What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?;

Collection of VHS tapes
Bruno Guerrero/Unsplash

What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.

Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"

These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.

Good Clean Fun

"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."

– MrDDog06

"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."

– Bogus_34

Act Of Unwrinkling

"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."

– eerie_white_glow

"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."

"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."

– xdq

Our solo actions can spark joy.

Big Brother Is Watching

"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."

– Bec_121

"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."

– doeswaspsmakehoney

The Multi-Tasker

"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."

– thickening_agent

Releasing The Kraken

"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."

– therapoootic

"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."

– TheWarmestHugz

Ultimate Comfort

"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."

– crazyloomis

Some people are obsessed with collecting things.

So Kawai

"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."

– HavingNotAttained

It's A Staple

"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."

"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."

– _CozyLavender_

Not Caring Anymore

"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."

– Bi-Beast

"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"

– deanie1970

Honorable mentions start here.

The Savior

"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."

– sky_kitten89

Hero Of The Moment

"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"

"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."

– chris14020

Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?

Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.

As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.

historical reenactors
Sigmund on Unsplash

We've probably all heard some variation of the saying "Truth is stranger than fiction."

Real life isn't just strange, it can also be downright ridiculous.

History is riddled with moments of absurdity.

So ridiculous that people have a hard time believing real life is, well, really real.

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