Doctors Reveal How They Reacted After Their First Patient Died
Doctors have a tremendously difficult job, often wrestling with the weight of life and death on any given day. As you can imagine, they're also expected to maintain their composure––even if they're having a hell of a time.
We were able to learn more once Redditor nilax1 asked: "Doctors of reddit, how did it feel seeing a patient die for the first time?"
"I lost my first patient..."
I lost my first patient before going to medical school. I was a medic in the Army and I was the first person to arrive on scene and do something (bunch of onlookers who seemed too stunned to do much were surrounding the patient).
I found this person unconscious and not breathing, so started CPR and directed others to go get 911.
Got the patient to hospital where they worked on them for another hour, to no avail.
Felt like a colossal failure, and felt like I was responsible for their death, because I couldn't help them.
Absolute devastation. Couldn't sleep for days, the nightmares were too vivid.
Absolutely destroyed my confidence. I had the knowledge base and could prove it in multiple ways, including my CPR Instructor certification and the fact that my students had gone on to use CPR to save lives was documented in the local paper.
Made no difference. I felt like I was personally responsible for that person's death.
The autopsy would go on to demonstrate that the person had a genetic heart condition and could have collapsed in the ER and the result would have the same.
I was consumed with abject misery and despair.
It took several days to regain my professional bearing and several years to ultimately forgive myself.
"As a medical student..."
As a medical student:
Got an EMS notification that they're coming in with a man vs. train. He rolls into the slot moaning, with a fast heart rate and low blood pressure. Badness. We call the blood bank to activate massive transfusion protocol. As we finish up the secondary survey, his heart slows down and really drops his pressures and we start CPR. I end up running to the blood bank and I'm sprinting back with a 30lb cooler full of blood products. I come back and the trauma surgeons have done a thoracostomy and they're doing cardiac massage. He eventually flatlines and time of death is called.
During the debrief immediately afterward, I looked back at him and saw his heart peeking out from behind his lungs, still wriggling. He might have been in fine vfib and not true a-systole, but he had extensive head wounds that really weren't survivable.
I took 30 seconds in the hallway to collect myself before walking through the doors and going back to my patients and explaining to them that yes, I do care about your runny nose and I'm sorry that I've been gone for so long.
I went back to the trauma slot about an hour later to get some supplies or something and the room was very clean and the body was covered with a sheet. There were a couple detectives asking some questions before they went to notify family. Really struck me how his death was the end of our job, but the start of a lot of hard jobs for other people.
Still think about it sometimes. Had a couple fatal traumas back to back on that rotation and I think it made me a lot more sombre- every happy moment is kind of colored by the knowledge that life is temporary. Memento mori I guess
It was during my palliative care term. Palliative care physicians try their best, but there are limits to what morphine and other drugs can achieve. There's a point in ageing and terminal diseases where we can't satisfactorily treat pain and other discomforts, like thirst and breathlessness (which feels like drowning, but over and over). A few patients were in so much pain they just wanted to pass, but we weren't allowed to facilitate that. So some patients are just sedated around the clock, awake for 1-2 hours a day but asleep the rest of the time.
The first patient I watched die was a lovely middle-aged woman with terminal cancer. She was in extreme pain and said she had been forced to watch herself lose everything, one by one - her career, her hair, her mobility, her house, her mind, her friends. She didn't feel like herself anymore and even around the time she died, she said she couldn't believe this is how it ended. She was frequently requesting to die near the end, and I was unexpectedly relieved when she finally got her peace. I felt very conflicted at the time, because I simultaneously liked her as person, yet wanted her to pass as a patient.
Overdose found in his mom's basement at 7am. I remember doing a ton of chest compressions on this 300lb guy in his 20's. I remember the nurse telling me I didn't look so good. I remember his mom stroking his hair and telling him it'll be alright. I remember I really really had to go to the bathroom. How did it feel? I was just really tired more than anything else.
Looked very peaceful.
Especially in comparison to what we put people through when they're in intensive care and we're hell-bent on not letting them die today.
"I feel like half the time..."
ICU nurse here. I feel like half the time I'm just torturing these poor old people because their family won't let us do what is best and let them naturally pass. They think they are being loving by having us do every thing we can to sustain life, when really it's the opposite.
I'm feeling bitter today because we had a family turn down palliative care on this tiny old man today because they want us to do everything we can.
"It felt cruel."
Cardiac arrest call put out on a ward where nurses were not used to resuscitating patients. I was first there, rest of team stuck in ED, anesthetist stuck in theatre. Flying solo trying to resuscitate a patient who really should not have been for resus, who was pulseless for god knows how long, and I was too junior to make the call to stop. It felt cruel.
This guy was 100. Literally. But he was a vet, came in walking and talking (transfer from a VA), and I was just doing a quick screening on him after admission. His chart was excellent, given his age. He was talking to me as I checked his BP, and then, surprise, he had no BP. Me: "WTF?" He coded and we got him back, but he died the next day.
"I'm a doctor..."
I'm a doctor but.... Seriously.....
I don't actually feel anything...
Until I saw my best friend in high school dying in front of me. I never knew it was him until I saw the records. It hurt me real bad.
A little 7 year old boy named Stephen died after his dad's girlfriend stomped on him. I tried to CPR the little buddy, but he died on the way. I brought him a teddy bear and flowers at the hospital. RIP Stephen Michael Yates. 2/11/00 - 6/24/07 (He was my nephew) I cried super loud when he died even though I was 25.
DQ: What has been your hardest experience in the hospital?
Reddit user True_Egg_5685 asked: 'What split second decision have you made in your life, that if you hadn't made it you would have died?'
Life can be viewed as a series of moments in quick succession each influenced by a preceding event.
At any given time, things can go awry, but somehow things manage to fall in line much like an elaborate maze of dominos.
But one misplaced domino can cause the whole rigorous set-up to come to an unsatisfying end–unless the faulty piece is corrected just in time before the domino in front of it squarely taps it.
If you've been lucky, a last-minute decision in your life has been properly adjusted to avoid catastrophe.
"What split second decision have you made in your life, that if you hadn't made it you would have died?"
Life can be treacherous in the fast lane.
Unwarranted Lane Change
"Driving 80 miles per hour on a lonely interstate in the middle of the night. Decided to change lanes for no reason, and ended up missing a crumpled car in the middle of the lane I just left. It looked like a professionally crushed car that had fallen off of a truck. No light lenses or reflectors."
"I was driving through Dallas on I-20 at like 2am once and had a similar experience. No other cars, just me doing 80mph, and I just absentmindedly changed from the middle to the right lane for no real reason. Suddenly there's a blacked out sedan just parked in the middle lane, no lights on and no people in sight. I thought I was hallucinating, it happened so fast."
Why Coffee Is Essential
"Fell asleep at the wheel, woke up and corrected my steering without panicking."
"Drowsy driving is just as dangerous as drunk driving. Never again !"
T"his happened to me when I was in my late teens. I was burning both ends of the stick and was driving home from working and falling asleep. I remember it so clearly. Nodding off, waking and being thankful I didn't crash and then nodding right back off again. I'm amazed I didn't kill myself. I did eventually hit a divider and popped two tires. I must've been going very fast. I don't know why I'm not dead."
You never know when a pedestrian is where they shouldn't be. Or when a car is traveling where it shouldn't.
"I'm from Northern Ireland and my brother and I were coming home from a night out, he was the designated driver. We were doing 70mph on the motorway and he moved into the fast lane and missed a guy walking on the motorway, dressed in black, by about a foot. So scary 😰."
"Grabbing a middle schooler's backpack as she was about to cross without looking and staying on the sidewalk instead of crossing the road. (I was in high school at the time)"
"The red car that had almost ran me over a few weeks before was barrelling down the street at high speed."
"Car zooms past at the moment the kid and myself would have been in the middle of the road."
"Same driver. I recognized the shade of blonde hair."
These people survived a terrorist attack.
At The Time Of Signing
"Was in a bombing. Knelt down to sign something when the detonation happened. Glass shards were a hair away from killing me. The person who gave me the paper to sign technically saved me, they’re fine too."
"Story time! My grandfathers family lived in Halifax at the time. My great uncle George was a newborn. They had him in his pram facing the window. For some reason my aunt went in and turned his pram around so it wasn't facing the window anymore, then she left the room. As she was leaving the room, the windows blew in. If she hadn't turned the pram he would have been shredded by glass."
These individuals continue counting their blessings.
Retrieving A Forgotten Item
"I went to ride my bike and almost forgot my helmet, I honestly debated grabbing it since I was only planning on doing a few miles; last minute I decided I might as well have it and then half a mile out I got hit by a car. Helmet was busted as hell but other than a concussion I was fine"
"Nowhere near as extreme as some of these, but I used to go for walks in a nature park right behind my neighborhood, usually with headphones. On one such walk, I happened to look down to see the foot I was currently stepping with was about 6 inches from coming down on a diamondback rattlesnake. It was arched back, ready to strike, rattle going, but I couldn't hear it over my music. Leapt back immediately and walked around it without issue, but holy crap, it gets my heart going just thinking about it."
"I was caught in a bar brawl. Tumbled to the bottom of a crowd and was pressed to the floor when some psycho was on my back choking me. Couldn't move and couldn't breathe. I thought that was it. I was gonna die on the floor of a New Jersey nightclub. Suddenly I remembered a move my wrestling coach taught us to break grips. I found his thumb, folded it like a fist and squeezed as hard as I could. It cracked like a stick. I could hear him scream in my ear and he hopped off. I pushed up and swung my way out. I was choked so hard that both of my eyes were full blood red, no whites and I cracked a molar. That was a close one and who knows what would have happened if I didn't recall that one random move or if I never wrestled to begin with. Scary."
A moment that still sends shivers down my spine was when I nearly avoided a head-on collision with an 18-wheeler that had been zig-zagging between the different sides of a busy street.
The presumably drunk driver was speeding and towards me and I had to decide whether to swerve into the parked cars on the street or steer the other way and risk driving into cars careening toward me.
I decided for the former and turned the steering wheel towards the parked cars, just as the truck clipped the back corner of my Nissan Maxima.
My vehicle spun 180, but thankfully, I managed to slam onto the curb where no cars were parked.
The semi-kept going. It was a hit-and-run. And I count my blessings that I live to tell about the fact that I didn't steer my wheel towards the left which would've had me on a collision course, head-on, into the semi.
These Redditors came together to share the stories of the worst people they've ever dated, and they're enough to make you wanna pick up a few cats, lock the doors, and never fall for another person again.
The Flat Food Dietbrass door handle on blue wooden doorPhoto by Edmund Lou on Unsplash
I had a buddy whose ex, upon breaking up, raced him back to his house, got there first, and then proceeded to lock herself in his room for several days. I don't even think she talked much while there. She would just sneak out at nighttime to use the bathroom. Buddy's kind-hearted, Christian parents fed her by sliding flat foods like bologna and pancakes under the door.
Playing The Victim
I was pulled off a work trip that she and I volunteered for together. It's one of several regular events throughout the year and this, in particular, was a not-so-fun trip so we figured volunteering would put us in good standing to be picked for a better one coming up. The timing could not have been worse. Completely by coincidence, we broke up the evening before my dad called me from back home saying my grandmother had a heart attack.
It had happened a couple of days prior and she might not pull through. I get pulled off, make arrangements for emergency travel, etc. The day I got the news was rough. Bad break up, then right after, granny might not make it another week. I kept to myself at work, and when she asked about it I told her, like I told our other coworkers, that I didn't want to talk about it.
I told her on my lunch break that me being pulled off the bad trip was not due to the breakup since I'm sure it looked that way. After the shift, I met her at her place and she immediately made this my fault. She said I was abandoning her, how could I be so selfish, everything she could think of. Then I told her my grandmother was probably going to die.
Her reaction was chilling. Her attitude didn't change in the slightest. She kept the same position, acting like I was doing this TO her. Like it was my fault she had to go on the work trip. My grandmother passed a half hour I started driving to the airport. And my ex never apologized for her behavior.
Back when we were dating, my ex constantly lied to me about girls he was talking to even harmless stuff. He once lied to me and told me he wasn’t talking to anyone on Snapchat since he’d gotten a new one. He handed me the phone to let me add myself to his new account and a whole stack of conversations with girls come up.
He attempted to hide them from me (his chat screen was empty and deleted but when you clicked the search bar all the conversations came up), then wouldn’t let me open any of them and I jumped to the conclusion of him cheating. Because if the conversations with the girls were harmless, why lie about them?
It turns out he wasn’t with these girls but convinced our mutual friends that I was crazy and invasive when I asked to know what they were speaking about since he tried to hide them from me. I spoke to the girls and he wasn’t flirting with any of them. But then I discovered the dark truth. I find out a month later that the entire time he’d been dating me (six months only), he had a long-term girlfriend.
It honestly ended up being worse than I originally imagined!
He Went Berserkwoman sitting on floor and leaning on couch using laptopPhoto by Thought Catalog on Unsplash
My ex-boyfriend just absolutely lost it when I had enough and ended things. He took my dog when he went back to work, told my parents I was suicidal, so he had to know where I was, and when I tried staying at either of my parents' places, my vehicle would get vandalized. He threatened to take me to the authorities because he had someone do something to his house and claimed it HAD to be me.
Meanwhile, I was at the bar on the night in question. He blackmailed me for my dog, threatening that he would have one of his friends off her, or that he was going to release her in traffic, and if she got hit, it would be my fault. But it got even more insane. My work had to create a plan where the building would go on lockdown should he show up as he was threatening them too. The final straw was when my brother left his phone out, and my ex was calling it non-stop.
I picked up and lost it. I found a place to rent and told nobody where it was, not even family.
My ex planted a dog camera facing my bed before leaving. It took me a week to realize she had put it there. She also rented the apartment directly beside mine and would monitor who was coming in and out of my place. She would then text my friends to see if we were “doing anything.” They could see her perched on her window, watching who was approaching while they were walking up to my apartment.
So when my ex started to get considerably more clingy and obsessive she would lose her mind at me when I would hang out with my best friend—who happened to be a chick. That definitely had something to do with it. Long story short, I told her that that was ridiculous and then it escalated into a fight, with the end result of me telling her I wanted some space to myself for the next few days so I can think straight.
In retaliation, she went and asked my brother for his phone, as he went to the same school. She then put a passcode lock on it and told him that she'll give him the passcode when he can get me to talk to her. Obviously, I thought this was extremely immature and unnecessary. She should've never gotten my family involved. Just way over the line.
I ended up just asking her to give me the passcode because the entire situation was outlandish. She seemed pretty sheepish when she gave me the passcode, so I assumed that she knew what she did was uncalled for.
Putting The Cart Before The Horsewhite horse on forestPhoto by Helena Lopes on Unsplash
So my ex-husband (we'll call him A) left me for another woman (B) a few years ago. B was an apprentice ("squire") with a very well-known jousting company with a Renaissance festival. Apparently, A and B went to a horse breeder/trainer (C) who specializes in jousting horses and bought a jousting-trained pedigree Andalusian stallion with a showy white coat.
Because B was associated with such a prestigious jousting company and A is a real smooth talker, they somehow convinced C to sell the horse on a payment plan rather than full payment up front. C would retain the breeding papers until the horse would be paid off, naturally. Cue the pandemic. A and B stopped making payments on the horse. C began to worry.
C did not have their contact information except for a phone number they refused to answer, and couldn't read B's handwriting well enough to google her name. More time passed. C began to really panic about the horse's welfare. C began trying to google based on anything she knew about A and B. She turned up A's old address, across the country: my address.
It happens to be on the same block as her friend T's house, and she knows T because T boards the horses for our local Renaissance festival. The jousting circuit is small, and everybody knows everybody. C called T and filled her in, T sent me a DM me and was like "Girl, is this your ex”? Crazy times. I passed along the contact info I had from the divorce paperwork to C to try to help her repo her horse.
That's how I learned horse repo is a thing! More time passed. A and B were dodging creditors like it's a new Olympic sport. C was going crazy trying to serve them papers to sue to get her horse back. C was wondering whether flying to my city to try to serve A papers here when he came to pick up the last of his possessions would work.
Then, C made a disturbing discovery. She started getting contacted by angry mare owners with new baby foals without lineage papers. It seems A and B had started selling stud services on their stolen horse, promising breeding papers they didn't have, taking cash up front, and when the mare owners demanded bloodline papers for the foals, just sent them to C.
And THAT'S how I learned that black market horse breeding scandals are a thing! The horse is back home with C. A and B stopped paying board and the barn owner managed to track C down to rehome him. It was just in time, he is expected to make a full recovery with lots of love and care and work.
My Ex Was On A Power Trip
My ex came to my apartment while my now-husband was there. He rang the doorbell and admitted that he'd been watching us through the glass in the front door. He then proceeded to threaten to take out my husband after the confrontation. He also tried to get hired at our place of work. He got so far as the interview before I found out and called human resources to let them know he would be a threat to us. Somehow, that’s not the weirdest part.
A couple of weeks later, my mail went missing, and it turned out he had taken it and…paid my electric bill.
Fools Rush In
When I was 18, I met a Lebanese man; he was handsome, a doctor, and 13 years my senior. I met him on my college campus one morning at a coffee shop and ended up having a long conversation with him about the Middle East and his experience working in the US. Eventually, I had to leave and he invited me to have breakfast again with him the next morning so we could continue our conversation.
Me, thinking he was just being friendly, and wanting to seem friendly too, accepted. The next morning, I meet up with him for breakfast. The mood has totally changed. He pulls out the chair for me, kisses my hand, and starts talking about going to Lebanon to meet his grandparents. He asks if he can pay my bills. He tries to give me a diamond necklace.
I noped the heck out of there the second breakfast was over. For weeks after that he wouldn't stop calling me, leaving messages when I wouldn't pick up. At first, they were all giddy and excited talking about plans for "us." I still never called him back. Then he started leaving messages about how I had sucked the light out of his life. But that’s not the creepiest part.
His friends would start calling, too, talking about how awesome his libido was, how I was breaking his heart, as though one "date" was enough for anyone to feel that way. It made my head spin, but at that point I was too afraid to try and respond even to ask them to stop. Eventually, the calls petered out but, man, it was weird...
A Toy Storyred and white bear plush toyPhoto by Mahdi Bafande on Unsplash
So get this... I dated a guy in my late high school years who was very reserved and very handsome. The first seven or eight months were unreal, I was so happy, and things were going great. Soon thereafter, he and I decided to tell each other our deepest darkest secrets. (10/10 do not recommend) He told me that when he was young, he used to cut holes in his stuffed animals and would have intimate relations with them. I had no idea what to think, but I honestly didn't feel like it was the worst thing someone could do, so I just let it reside in the back of my mind.
For unrelated reasons things got a little rocky in the months after. He became so jealous and overprotective. He would come up to my work and watch me for hours, he would drive me to and from wherever I needed no matter what, he would also get so upset when I spent any time away from him. When I did get the opportunity to hang out with friends, he would always buy me flowers or pillow pets and leave them on my car almost as if he was letting me know he was watching. This just got worse over the next 3 months and I figured it was probably time to end things.
I decided I was just going to drive over and just let him know things weren't working out, simple enough, right? Wrong. When he figured out what I was doing, he completely lost it. Punched holes in everything, broke whatever was in sight, and had a full-on episode. When I got to the house he was waiting for me in his truck which was completely ripped apart, might I add. I figured it probably wasn't the best idea to get out of the car, so I turned around to drive away and he busted out his truck window and then followed dangerously close to my car. After about a half hour, he finally let off and called me claiming he wrecked his truck. I went back to get him, but I'll skip the details on the endless crazy things he pulled that night. Needless to say, it was over.
A few months after the break up I decided it was probably a good time to get all of the things I had left at his house. It was mostly clothes, but I always left the stuffed animals he got me there just because. Long story short, I walked into his closet (The walls were still completely demolished from his episode) and I found some of the pillow pets he had bought throughout the relationship. I grabbed my favorite one (a grey elephant named Charlotte) and on the underside she was just covered in you-know-what. By covered I mean graciously glazed from multiple endeavors.
Side note: It is so weird typing this out. It never seemed as crazy as it actually is.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Back when my ex and I were still freshly in a relationship almost three years ago now, this random Instagram account popped up. I won’t share the name of the IG because it was my brother’s name. The account messaged me saying “Hey __! It’s me. I’m back”. I was shocked, happy, and filled with so much hope. My brother and best friend were back after years of being gone.
We talked every day and it was the best part of my life. I really missed him. I told my ex about it too. Most of the conversations we had I shared back with him. My brother was such an important person in my life and all I wanted to do was share his love with the other people in my life. But I started to notice things were a bit off.
My brother had a childhood nickname for me. And he only ever called me this name. He never called me by my birth name. But, when we spoke through this Instagram account, he rarely called me that nickname. He also wouldn’t exactly remember how core memories between us happened. Like the firework story or the comics we wrote.
It almost felt like one of those stories where a catfish is pretending to be your loved one over the phone. The person behind this account didn’t ever ask anything of me. No money, no help, nothing. And I know it was kinda naive of me to believe this was him. No pictures, no proof, just a “hey __! It’s me” type of message. To be fair, the name he called me in the original message was my childhood nickname.
At the time, I had only recently started talking about my brother again. When I still lived at home it was hard to and for the longest time, I didn’t understand why my mom was so against talking about him. I understand now sadly. Besides, I was miserable without him. My brother was my best friend. My hero. I just wanted to see him again.
After noticing so many weird things with this account I kinda got fed up. I asked if this was really my brother—and the response I got was devastating. It said: “I’m so sorry, he loves you so much”. And then the account was deleted. My heart broke. My ex helped me through that feeling of losing my brother again. But now I had hope he was alive and out there somewhere.
Fast forward a few years, my ex sits me down and says we need to talk. I say okay and he informs me that he had hired a private investigator (behind my back) to look for my brother. He just wanted to reunite us. We had a surprise vacation planned and were set to leave in three days, so the first thing I thought was “Oh my god, you found my brother. That’s where we’re going”! So as I was jumping around excited to see him again, he brought me back down to earth—and what he told me was utterly shattering.
He said: “I’m sorry, but there won’t be a reunion in this life…” he then proceeded to read my brother’s death certificate off to me. My brother had taken his own life in 2016. But the nightmare didn’t end there. Right after our vacation, he broke up with me. Months have passed since the breakup and I’m so much better off. This ex managed to lock me in a hospital for grieving the loss of my brother, hurt my cat, and was extremely mentally abusive.
A few days ago I was sitting in my kitchen with my best friend and we were talking about my brother’s upcoming funeral. She asked me when he passed since I never really talked about that. I told her 2016. She said that isn’t possible because she got texts from the Instagram account a few years back. She even showed me the messages.
I looked at them and the messages consisted of him telling her to stay out of my life. To back off, etc. I reached out to some people I had lost contact with around the time that IG account popped up and they all had similar messages from him. They knew how much he meant to me, so they just backed off. We connected the dots.
I looked back on some other shady stuff and made a horrifying realization. My ex was behind the account. He faked being my brother for what? He ruined my friendships with good people in my life. And I still don’t know why nor will I ever. I never want to see his face again. I should also mention that I never wanted to hire a PI and he knew this.
I always had a feeling he was gone but I wanted to hold onto false hope. It was comforting. I mean, we were so close growing up and yet once I was an adult he never found a way to reach out to me and I tried finding him myself at one point. But there was no social media of his. So I just imagined he was living this happy life. And my ex took that from me.
He went behind my back knowing I didn’t want a PI and hired one anyways. After I found out about my brother I spiraled and barely ate, barely slept, I called off work more times than I can count. I’m surprised they didn’t fire me. I 100% believe he was behind the account because when we broke up he was accusing me of making fake profiles all over to stalk him.
Usually I only see people accuse others of crazy stuff like that if they’re guilty of said thing. I also found it odd that whenever I’d talk to my “brother” about things between me and my ex he would just say “that sucks” or blame me for our issues or say I should just forgive him. My brother also wasn’t aggressive ever. He was protective but he would never ever message someone telling them to just stay away nor would he ever tell me to just apologize to keep the peace or make it all my fault.
He was my biggest supporter. And whenever I’d tell him (my brother) about these things, my ex would start to act weird and cold. And yes, even though my brother passed in 2016 I plan to hold a funeral for him this year. I was never at his original funeral nor do I know if he actually got one. I swear I could write a whole book about the horrible things my ex did to me and the way he lived.
It was disgusting and yes, I 100% plan on taking action for what he did to my cat and to my mental state. It’s so hard for me to trust people now and I get scared telling people stories of my brother. I miss him so much and I have to work today but all I wanna do is lay in bed and cry.
You’ve Got Mail
When my ex found out I was going to break up with her, she had her mail delivered to my house. Then she wouldn’t leave when I did break up with her. I called the authorities, and since she received mail at my home, they said it was officially her residence as well. Faced with the impossible, I came up with a plan. I had to call my landlord and have him evict me to get her to leave.
Once she left, he rescinded the eviction notice, and I moved back in.
Three’s Companyman holding a smartphone near the windowPhoto by Thom Holmes on Unsplash
Once my ex found out I had a new girlfriend, she tried to do a three-way with her friend and me in order to break us up. I declined. Then, she got the same friend to hook up with my buddy and convince him to invite my ex to a party at his house that I was going to. I went into the bathroom, and when I opened the door, my blood ran cold.
She was standing there. It freaked me out. I said, “Hi, excuse me, I’m about to leave this house.” She then pushed me as hard as she could back into the bathroom and came in and locked the door. At that point, I started yelling for help. My buddy and a few others came and unlocked the door, pulled her out, and I was able to get out of the bathroom.
I started walking upstairs to leave—but my nightmare wasn’t over yet. She flew out the door and ran to my truck. She stayed there while I was standing there in disbelief. At that point, we had been broken up for months. I walked back inside, and one of her friends approached me and told me if I told her that I never wanted to see or talk to my ex again, she would let me leave. I complied.
I told her that it was over, and I never wanted anything to do with my ex again. I waited for a few and peeked outside. I saw the coast was clear and started heading to my truck. I heard a scream and looked over, and my ex was running full speed at me, screaming. Out of nowhere, another lady full-on tackled my ex and told her to get out of there.
As I drove away, I got a call from the party saying she locked herself in the bathroom, threatening to off herself. I called her parents and kept driving. This all happened after she had: called me hundreds of times from a dozen numbers which I blocked and requested she doesn’t call, egged my new girlfriend's car, asked a very desperate friend of mine to prom hoping to get in our group, and followed me to and from work.
Two years later, I had a new phone number and was in college. I got a call and answered it—it was her. I have no idea how she found me. She asked if I went to the local university, to which I replied yes. I did not actually go there; I went to a state college. She enrolled in that university. I only heard from her one more time and hoped that was the end of it.
If I Can’t Have You…
I spent four years spoiling this girl, and almost never getting emotional or physical love back from her, only to have her break up with me over something very trivial. I spent a year begging and pleading and bending over backwards to have her take me back, but her response was essentially, "I don't think you're good enough". I, finally, with the help of some great friends and family, moved on and found a great girl to start dating. That’s when my ex snapped.
She went nuts, and started showing up at 3 AM at my apartment, calling hundreds of times, the whole nine yards. She got physical and verbal with me, but I finally got her to understand I was done being manipulated. But the surprises weren’t done yet. Then, a week after she tearfully told me, "I'll never love anyone again," she and my (former) best friend post on Facebook that they're together.
Paranoia, Paranoia, Everybody’s Coming To Get Me
I dated a guy from the ages of 16 to 21 who was awful to me. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 14 years. He left me high and dry for bills and rent so he could move across the country. He said he was tired of me "ruining" his life. After he left, I managed to pull myself out of the bad situation I was in. I had no family or friends to turn to because he isolated me from them.
I also had to drop out of high school to support both of us. Fast forward 14 years and I'm now happily married to a wonderful man and a few years away from finishing my doctorate. But unfortunately, I’ve still had to deal with my ex. Over the years, this guy has reached out to be friends again and once even apologized to me. I've ignored him.
The first time he contacted me after the breakup, I told him I would never speak to him again and to leave me alone. Instead, he resorted to unspeakable behavior. He ended up stalking me online and at work for a year after that. After the stalking, I've occasionally checked in on his social media out of safety concerns for myself. What I've come to learn is that he never got his life together.
In fact, things have gotten much worse for him. When we were dating, he had some odd behaviors that I didn't recognize as red flags because I was mentally and emotionally beaten down. He was convinced that I would poison his food. He would often make me switch plates numerous times with him before he would eat. If he felt "weird" after, he would become aggressive.
He also had this preoccupation with his IQ. He would constantly take online IQ tests then make me take them, just to tell me he was smarter than me and most other people. I now recognize these behaviors as early symptoms of paranoia and narcissism. These behaviors have now turned into what I believe is a persecutory delusional disorder.
He is convinced that a cartel is after him and dosing his food and smokes. He believes his mom was kidnapped and replaced with a body double. He wrote her off after she refused to take a DNA test to satisfy him. He also thinks he has a "doppelganger" in a cartel who is trying to take his identity. He just spent the last year or so homeless trying to run away from this supposed cartel and prove that they exist. The creepiest part?
My name has popped up from time to time on his social media posts. I've chalked that up to him wanting to relive a part of his life before it took a steep downturn. According to his posts, he sees what happened in our relationship as much different than it was (i.e., he never wanted to break up, only tried to help me, etc.). None of that is true.
Seeing my name in his posts used to bother me, but I remind myself that he isn't well and to just keep an eye out. Well, then he took it up a notch. Last night, I saw something in one of his posts that I didn't expect, my husband's name. I met my husband 6-7 years after him. They never met. He has now created this narrative that my husband is his look-alike in the cartel and that I'm the one behind everything happening to him.
He thinks that the only reason I'm with my husband is because he looks like him. They look nothing alike. They're also different ethnicities. To me, this sounds further delusional and even narcissistic. Honestly, I'm a bit disturbed now. Thankfully, I moved out-of-state a few years ago, so I feel safer than I would back in my home state.
Clear Cut Revengeman cutting brown tree during daytimePhoto by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
This happened to my neighbors. They were a couple who went through a divorce and she got the house in the settlement. However, it was only the house and the immediate house lot. Not the surrounding land, as that went to the husband. That’s how he got his revenge on her. The first thing he did was sell all the lumber off the rest of the land.
She went from living in a nice forest to living on clearcut land. But he wasn't done yet! Once the trees were gone he sold off the topsoil, then the gravel under that. By the time he was done her house was on a hill overlooking a barren landscape reminiscent of the lunar surface. This was years ago, and the place is still hideous.
She Made Her Bed, Now She Has To Lie In It
She took all my shower stuff while I was at work. Curtain, rod, all that stuff...and the toilet bowl scrubber. She took it all, so when I came home and I said, “Okay, not letting her take more of my stuff that's actually important”! So, I changed the locks. While at work that night, she calls and says she needs in the apartment to get her things.
I tell her nah, not without me there, I don't want you taking my stuff. She says she'll call the authorities, and I tell her to go ahead. A couple of officers show up at my work and ask what's going on. I show them my lease with her name not on it, and they say okay, we'll have her when she comes back tomorrow, call us when she shows up.
She comes the next day, and tells me she's taking my bed, worth $700. I tell her no, she didn't pay for it, and I have my credit statement printed ready to show the officers. She tries to argue that she's taking the bed. The officer says “Look, you're not taking it, if you think you deserve it, take him to court”. She then tries arguing with the guy.
The officer says “Did you not hear me right? Take him to court”! Well, I didn't hear back from her about it.
Beaten To The Punch
Years ago I dated a girl. She would be the absolute ruin of my life. When we first started dating in my senior year, I had never dated anyone before, first love, first partner, first true connection—or so I thought. I didn’t heed the warnings from my then-friends, or even the warning signs I noticed. She’d flirt with guys in front of me and she’d use the physical side of our relationship as a bargaining chip.
She’d mock me—and I am not exaggerating when I say this—she’d yell at me if I said ANYTHING, if I didn’t immediately apologize right after. I had to train not to apologize after every sentence after we split. I’m not acting like I’m some saint, either. I’ve had anger issues all my life, I inherited it from my father, so I’d snap and say some pretty terrible things, some I still regret.
But one day, I had enough. I can’t remember what it was, or when, but it was over. We’d “split” before, but this felt final. Or so I thought. Two days later, she shows up on my doorstep, “wants her things” she says. So I invite her in. She sits on my couch in my room and tells me she slept with my old wrestling partner, the guy who taught me everything.
I was furious, but it created a new link. I became the crazy ex. Fake Facebooks, went to her house once. I regret it all. I was depressed, and had extreme anxiety. Not an excuse, but it’s what happened. I’m better now, I promise. She had built my entire self-worth on what she thought of me, that I couldn’t NOT have her approval. It was terrible.
Cut to a year later. I’m dating a new girl. She’s my world. I get a new job. That’s when I get the absolute worst surprise. My boss is my ex’s dad. She isn’t close to him so hopefully I can just avoid her. One day my girlfriend tells me my ex texted her. I ask what she sent, and it was fake texts of me and ex. Obviously fake. Made minutes before the screenshot, same day, etc.
Sadly, my girlfriend at the time doesn’t believe me—and does the unthinkable. She goes to a birthday party, gets hammered, and makes out with another guy. I end up losing my job. Later that month my best friend suggests getting a restraining order against my ex due to the text fiasco. I agree. Well, I wasn’t the only one with that idea. Guess who’s there? My ex.
She’s acting like I’m gonna attack her right there, but we just wait for our papers, and leave. I get served a week or so later, and a law advice place tells me to just drop my order. So I do. Long story short, I lose the order. She gets a year restraining order on me, but the judge is nice enough to keep it off my record. Nice.
It’s been over a year now, and my last girlfriend and I never recovered, I could never find another job, and I’m still afraid of seeing her again. My life was ruined by her, but I can never talk about it, because it’s old news.
Scream Queena woman with her mouth open and hands in front of her facePhoto by Simran Sood on Unsplash
My girlfriend at the time was staying over. I had been at work late the night before, so I wanted to sleep in. She tried to wake me. It didn't work, so I fell back asleep. I was in a deep sleep. After an unknown amount of time, she apparently lost her patience. She put her mouth directly against my ear and screamed as loud as she could.
It was a high-pitched horror movie scream. The pain was immediate. Fifteen years later, if I’m in a loud place, my left ear still buzzes like I have a wasp in it. It sounds precisely like a blown-out speaker. And that was only one of the crazy things she did.
I was having doubts about my boyfriend of two months and was discussing it over texts with a guy-friend of mine. My boyfriend went through my phone and accused me of sleeping with my friend. He went berserk. He made a massive production out of packing up his stuff and leaving. After leaving, he stood on my porch for a few moments, collecting his thoughts.
He had changed his mind and begged to be let back in. I refused, and he sobbed and scratched at my door for the next two hours. Days later, he demanded to have my microwave, which he had given me as a surprise gift when I was out of town. To avoid confrontation, I left it on my porch for him and watched him take it and toss it in my dumpster.
Against my better judgment, I sent him a message about what he did. I mean, not only was that immature, but it's hugely wasteful. If he was going to take it back, he could at least use it or give it away. In response, he drove back over, fished it out of the trash, and left it on my porch. After I disinfected it, I put it back in my kitchen.
Then I got ANOTHER message, this time demanding the microwave back on behalf of his "friend." Again, I left it on the porch. Later that day, I watched him throw it in the dumpster—again. This time, I went to Walmart and just bought a new microwave.
Hunk Of Burning Love
So, in short, I broke up with my ex for a few reasons: I needed to focus on school and he was a distraction. We were not compatible in the long run. And, perhaps most importantly, he clearly loved me and I didn't feel like I could ever actually love him. I did like him but just didn't fall in love. So I broke up with him in the nicest way possible.
I tried to do it gently because he didn't anything wrong during the relationship, but he went kind of crazy. He wouldn't leave me alone and couldn't understand why I didn't think we were a good match. He wanted to work through our differences but I said I didn't want to change my core beliefs and my life goals. Then he said he would change, but I didn't entertain that idea as I feel no one should change core values for someone else.
He also couldn't accept that I just didn't love him. Mind you I never said “I love you” and repeatedly said we were not serious—we didn't date very long—but I guess he grew very attached. Anyway, a few months pass and he texts me asking if we could talk and see why we broke up. At this point, I tell him fine and I think he's just getting closure. I really should have known better.
A few hours later, he sent me a terrifying message: “Just so you know, I would set myself on fire for you”. It's safe to say I didn't have a chat with him after that.
Interior Decoration As Revengeminimalist photography of open doorPhoto by Phil on Unsplash
There was a couple who lived across the street from my family when I was younger. She was friends with my mom, and he helped my dad install our pool. Turns out they were having some issues, and while she was out of town for work, he gutted their entire kitchen. I mean, walls, appliances, ceiling...everything. So she comes back, finds it, they argue and she moves out and moves in with her mom.
Through court dealings, she ends up back in the house, but he's going to get the house eventually. I was only 13 or so, so I don't remember specifics. Just days before he's supposed to move back in, my parents help her move all of the furniture that she bought before they got married, which was literally everything besides the mattress and one recliner.
That's all he was left with when he moved back in. But it didn’t end there. After he moved back in and the divorce was final, he went through a phase where he had another woman living with him, but also had a boyfriend who would frequently visit. One of the last times we saw any of them was around midnight one night. The neighbor, the boyfriend, and an apparent third party had some sort of loud, drunken lovers' quarrel.
I don't know what happened inside the house after we called 9-1-1, but all three went with the authorities after being tased.
Party For One
Years ago, in the late 90s, I discovered my girlfriend's awful secret. I'd already been living with her for a year when I found out she'd been sleeping with her boss. The timing could not have been worse. It was the week of our Super Bowl party. We both had plenty of guests coming. We’d been planning it for over a month. I spent all my money buying every type of drink that we thought anyone would want.
We were young upcoming professionals. She was just under 21. Not able to buy the hard stuff. She pulled me aside and broke up with me on the Friday before that weekend. I saw it coming. She left to go to the beach with her boss and told me to move on Super Bowl weekend. So…I came up with a plan. I called my people and moved the party.
I took all of my furniture—everything but one TV, bed, one glass, and one chair. That was it! No dishes. Nothing. The place was bare! It took me many hockey bags to move the drinks, but we drank for weeks with it! I heard she had her own party—with everyone showing up to one bottle, one glass, one chair, and nothing else.
Overselling The Story
I broke up with my ex about six months ago. I broke up with him because he lied all the time to the point where he couldn’t even tell the truth about his drive home from work. He even lied to be about being discharged from the army. That was the last straw. I met a new guy after we broke up and we got together about a month after I broke up with my ex.
My ex was thoroughly convinced I'd cheated on him and started spreading rumors about how I cheated on him and our two-year relationship was a lie. About three months later, my ex texts me about how he’s so lonely and he hasn’t met anyone etc., he started talking about how he’s going to school and doing a lot better in life. I congratulated him and went on my way.
About five months after the break-up he texted me again—and what he said was shocking. He told me how he has a kid. A kid? Yes, a kid, crazy. I asked who he knocked up and he said no one. He’s going to be a step dad. I was very confused. He goes on to tell me he’s engaged. It’s just five months after we broke up. I thought he was on something but I was like congrats, whatever.
He proceeded to randomly text me about how happy he was with this girl. However he never had her on any of his social media and none of our mutual friends knew about her. Flash forward to six months later, and his “fiancé” texts me. Why, I have no idea, but I was guessing to see if I was a “threat” of some sort. So I played along and played nice.
She was telling me about how her baby daddy is crazy and she was on probation because of him, he hacked all of her online accounts, and then how my ex was the best thing that came into her life. I responded acting like I cared and went on my way with my day. A few days later a few mutual friends and my ex hung out. He called them after having a few drinks asking if they wanted to go to Target.
They were in town for a couple days and wanted to see him so they said sure. That’s when things took a disturbing turn. My ex was all over my female friend, groping her and saying how he wanted to have a threesome. In the end he ended up getting punched in Target by my male friend and they took him home. But he forgot his phone in the back seat of their car.
He called from his “fiancés” phone, and the contact wasn’t even saved in his phone, which we all thought was a little weird. My friends dropped him phone off outside the building at his truck and asked me to text his “fiancé” to tell her the phone was there. So I did. She asked what happened and I started telling her what my friends said.
While explaining I said something along the lines of “I would be mad if my fiancé was grabbing on another girl”. She responded with “Fiancé? Do you see a ring on this finger”? I sent her the screen shots of him saying they were engaged. The reaction said it all. They both blocked me. She didn’t even know that she was “engaged” to him!
I come to find out he’s not in school and still has the same minimum wage job he had when we were together. Biggest Liar Ever!
His Prank Put Me In Prisonman standing under the bridgePhoto by Brennan Burling on Unsplash
My ex-friend and I had gone to a party, and I drank more than I should have. He was the designated driver. He dropped me off “just over a block” from my house. When I got out of the back of the car, I didn’t recognize anything. I reached for my phone but realized that I didn’t have it. I walked the block looking for a street I knew but couldn’t find one. I then picked a direction to walk in to search for a major street.
Apparently, he had thought it would be funny to drop me off in the wrong neighborhood instead of at my house, and lifted my cell phone so that I couldn’t call for help. His plan was to let me wander around lost for about 10 minutes, then find me to actually take me home. He never found me. After a few hours of walking around lost, I had sobered up and was thirsty.
I had found a larger street, but it was around 2 AM at that point, and everything was deserted, so I couldn’t ask anyone for help. Eventually, I saw a cruiser patrolling and flagged them down for assistance. I couldn’t believe what they told me. They told me that I was over ten miles away from my house and in a very unsafe neighborhood. They didn’t believe my story.
After some discussion, they offered to give me a ride home but asked me to put my hands behind my back while they searched me. I complied, and they immediately cuffed me and told me that they were arresting me for public intoxication. I didn’t have any money at the time, so I didn’t want to call anyone to post bail for me.
I kept getting told that they would release me as soon as I was processed because I was already sober. There were no windows in the holding cell, no clock, and they never dimmed the light, so I and the others had no concept of time. I was fed twice and had access to water and a toilet. I managed to fall asleep a few times, but I kept waking up shivering.
When I was finally released, it was 9 AM, a whole day after being taken in. My roommate had reported me missing and had been informed that I was in custody. I was able to call my roommate from a payphone and get him to pick me up. A few weeks later, I found out that the charges were dropped, so thankfully, I didn’t have to pay a fine or take classes, but I stopped hanging out with my friend who pranked me after that.
She Was MIA Upstairs
I was in the forces at the time. My ex called the base and told them I was passing her secrets, which they took VERY seriously. I was pulled out of formation and cuffed, with no idea what was happening. It took two weeks before they believed me and released me back to my unit. She then called my mom and told her I was dead, but the army wasn’t telling her.
She also called my landlord and told him the same so that they could release my apartment. It was a nightmare. By then, the landlord had actually started boxing up all my stuff to sell-off. We had only dated for maybe three months. I couldn’t believe it. She was seriously crazy!
My Ex Tried To Catfish Me!
My ex attempted to catfish me by using a picture she manually snapped from a magazine as her profile picture. I could see the seam down the center of the photo. I knew it was her because she had a feeble grasp of grammar, and she would make specific mistakes that no one made. When we "met" on the site, before I realized it was her, I asked why she was single.
She stated that her ex passed on two years prior. Considering she pulled a gun on me in a prior instance…that may well have ended up being true.
God Complexperson's hand holding book pagePhoto by Rod Long on Unsplash
I wanted to share my "Crazy Ex" story now that the initial shock is over and I'm happily in a long-term relationship. All of this took place from when I was 19-23, and my current age is 26. My crazy ex is four years older, so that would make him 24-28 during the events of this story. Additionally, when we started dating, I was attending a small Christian Bible College, identifying as a Mennonite, Protestant Christian.
I attended this college for three semesters and then transferred to a large university, where I obtained a degree in my current field. During my time at Bible School I was actively questioning my faith, and by the time I was out of Bible School for a year I identified as an agnostic—which was also a couple of months after my breakup with my ex.
I would say the break-up contributed to the deconversion, but was not the entire reason and I'm sure would've happened anyways if I had never had this relationship. I also want to point out that I don't want anybody to think this story is an attack on Christians. It is about my crazy ex. We met at a fitness class, I was 19 and had never been in a relationship before.
After admiring him from afar for a while, I mustered up the courage and displayed interest in him—he asked me out and it did not take long for us to begin dating. He was inexperienced himself and had never had a girlfriend. In retrospect, I really did not know him that well. I think I was just young and excited and wanted to have a boyfriend.
At first it was great. I always had somebody to hang out with, he had an off-campus house, we would go on walks, play videos games, watch movies, and other fitness things like kickboxing and running. I later introduced him to my friend group at the time and we had a weekly board game night at his house. Honestly there are a lot of great memories.
During our walks we often talked about what being a couple meant, and what roles men and women should have in a relationship. During this time, I learned something shocking about him. My ex wanted to save his first kiss for the wedding altar. Even though I was religious at the time I thought this was extreme, but I tried to respect that.
Additionally my ex told me that he believed in a biblical marriage, which he described as that the man is the leader and since he loves his wife he will take everything into account. I remember aggressively agreeing to that statement and being so happy that I had found myself a man that could provide. However, he soon proved that his actions were not the same as his words.
We quickly became physical and lost our virginities to one another. He would make me feel guilty about it (and I already felt SO GUILTY on my own, for I had wanted to wait until marriage) and blamed me, even though we both consented to it. Also his idea of being a leader was to boss me around without questioning, not let me pay for anything to the point where he would cancel outings.
He’d also not pay the internet bill at his house and ask for money from his parents, all while bragging about how much he worked and how much his job payed him. He pushed marriage on me constantly, even though I shared with him many times I did not want to marry at age 20. Also I would ask him to do Bible studies and pray with me, but he wouldn't let me instigate it, as it was "the man's job to be spiritual leader" and I wasn't allowed to.
Also, I began to notice some other red flags. All of his friendships were people that I had introduced him to, he admitted to thinking he was smarter than me because he was older and a man. We had many other issues, and once I moved away to start university the problems were only exacerbated from being long distance. A mutual friend of ours described him as having a superiority complex—which I think is accurate.
After 13 months, I finally realized that I deserved better and I dumped him. He pleaded with me to wait until the semester was over so he could take me on a trip and "prove that he was worthy". I said no and we broke up for good. About two months later, I was working a summer job in a National Park and was very lonely and messaged him to meet up—which he declined. Thanks heavens, I was so stupid.
After that, all communication stopped. It was around this time that I stepped away from my Christian life and began to experiment with partying, boys, other belief systems, etc. My ex and I stayed friends on Facebook. A year after we broke up, my crazy ex messages me out of the blue asking to meet up. I say no. A two months (in the month of July) later I post on Facebook that I am in a new relationship. I get a surprising response.
My ex sends me a message congratulating me. I think this is really weird and I ignore him. A month later (August), he posts on Facebook that he is in a new relationship. I was surprised as he had literally been messaging me a month prior but whatever. His new girlfriend is a social media over-sharer and tagged my ex in everything so I was able to get all the details.
By October, they are engaged, co-own a pet, and have a wedding date set for December. So in the span of less than six months my ex (presumably anyways) met somebody and married them. In early November, I get a Facebook message from his fiancée. She is young, a college freshman. Her message was seriously infuriating. She explained who she was, and then asked me if we had ever gone all the way.
Her reasoning was, "There are rumors that you guys did it and people think I am a harlot because of it”. I was pretty upset to get this message for numerous reasons. It's pretty bold to ask a stranger if they had ever did it with their current fiancé, also it showed that my ex was still terrible and lying to his fiancé like he did to me.
Also in what universe are you a sinner because your fiancé may or may not have done it with a former partner?! I responded that my personal life was none of her business and that if she wanted to know she could ask my ex. Her response was "But he won't tell me”! This made me feel very bad for her—for I was in her exact situation two years prior.
One week before their December wedding, my ex messages me, with a simple "Hey". I immediately know something is up, and I ask him what he wants. He proceeds to apologize for taking my virginity, breaking up with me unexpectedly, and then never talking to me again. At this point I was mad. I admit the conversation we had was not my finest moment, but I had enough of this guy.
I reminded him that I broke up with him, that losing my virginity is a dated social construct and that I don't regret losing it to him, because at the time I thought I loved him. He told me that he is actively in a relationship with Jesus and that Jesus was pointing out his wrongs to him. I told my ex that I didn't care about his relationship with Jesus.
He then responds, "Well if you don't feel bad doing it, we should just do it again”! This of course, made me angry, and I responded, "Does this have anything to do with your fiancée messaging me”?! and he responds, “I actually broke up with her yesterday—she has a personality disorder that I did not know about”. This made me rage even more.
What kind of jerk breaks up with his fiancé a week before their wedding and blames it on her mental health? I responded to him that he needs to respect women because he clearly did not respect her and that he did not respect me during our relationship. He told me he prayed to God every day to help him treat women with respect.
I responded that he was a disgusting human being because he has to pray to a god to give women respect, not because he sees them as individual human beings. He agreed with me that he was despicable but that he had found redemption through Christ and that he would pray for me every day until the end. I told him I don't care if he wastes his time praying for me.
After this he deleted me off of social media, and we have not talked since. However, I would still periodically creep his socials, and I was still Facebook friends with some of his family members. At this point, I found his behavior entertaining and he descended further and further into a couch theologian with fundamentalist, narrow-minded views. But it didn’t end there.
After his called-off wedding in December, he announced on Facebook the following August that he was engaged, AGAIN! Thrilled that there was more drama to be had, I went into instant creeping mode. His new fiancée was older than him, a widowed housewife with two young children, whom she homeschools.
I immediately question the union—here is a woman I assume is desperate, widowed with no formal education or skills to support her family. I fear for her, but can only hope for the best. They get married, and shortly after the marriage announce a pregnancy. The child is born, a girl and all of my ex's photos on Facebook are of him with his baby.
I fear for what kind of stepfather he is to the other children. I was creeping and discovered that his wife wrote blog posts about her previous late husband's journey with cancer, and eventual passing. She continued on with the blog posts after he was gone, and there were several posts outlining her faith and courtship with my ex.
I was impressed with how articulate and intelligent this woman appeared through her blog posts and how somebody like her could end up with such a dud like my ex. One thing the blog clarified for me was that she and my ex matched in January—approx. six weeks after our Facebook fight and a month after his supposed wedding with this other girl.
They got married the following August. The blog post also confirmed my suspicions about her being desperate—having to sell her old house, move in with her mom, and the struggles she had being a young widow. One of the blog posts was written by my ex—and he mostly talked about theology and how her theology matched his, etc.
Unless my ex has drastically changed, which I doubt, I think it is all lies and was just the "honeymoon stage" like we had in our relationship. That’s not even the craziest part. To make matters more interesting, I reconnected into an old friend who also knew my ex back from the Bible School days. She informed me that my ex (in between our relationship and his first engagement) fell for a dating scam and ended up sending money to a fake girlfriend that lived overseas.
She said it got so bad that he had to sell his motorbike and his house (which now that she mentioned it, I remembered that he had abruptly sold his house to his sister and sold his bike). His current wife hasn't posted on the blog in over a year. Both their socials have gone silent, either from little use or increased privacy settings.
She Was Cooking With Gas
We agreed that she'd collect her stuff from "our" place when we broke, without me being there. I arrived later that evening to make a seriously disturbing discovery. She’d left two gas valves opened—so I guess I'm lucky I didn't light a smoke. I considered it, but I didn’t call the authorities. How would I prove it anyway?
At that point, I was just glad she was out of there and out of my life. And still am. So I decided to ignore it and not sound like a lunatic wailing at an officer about a murderous girlfriend. Believe me, at this point we'd been through enough.
She "broke" into my house every day for about a month while I was at work. Showered, cooked food, watched TV, and then left before I got home. I came home early one day and she was sitting on the couch watching TV. She very matter-of-factly said, "Oh I didn't think you'd be home at this time". I asked how she got in. When we were dating I had lent her my keys once.
She got one cut for herself without me knowing. Of course, after arguing we…made up. Being with a crazy person can be fun. But that was the second last time ever.
Bad Timingman in black and white sweater sitting on chairPhoto by kevin turcios on Unsplash
My husband and I were high school sweethearts. After four kids and 16 years of marriage, he cheated on me. However, he didn’t tell me for over a year. But when he did choose to tell me, it was the worst timing ever. He told me about his affair when I was in the middle of chemo for cancer. I was bald, sick, and had only one breast.
My mom had passed on ten days earlier, and it was my birthday. Never saw that one coming. We divorced.
I Dodged That One
My ex-fiancée ended our eight-year relationship and called off our wedding five months before with a typed note that was less than 300 words long. She said she kept not being excited about getting married, so she decided she didn’t want to get married anymore. A week or two later, I found out she cheated on me with a mutual friend.
I called her, and she told me she “had to do it” and “please stop fixating on it.” I ended up confronting the guy and ruined her prospects with him. Nine months later, she married different guy 20 years her senior, pregnant with his child, on what would have been our anniversary. She recorded the ceremony, so I got to see it circulating. Her vows were all about how the new guy was better than me. I thought to myself, “I successfully dodged that one.”
So, three years ago, I made the dire mistake of going on Tinder. I matched with this guy from Canada, and we both were in med school. He was 33 years old. He was the one initiating conversation irregularly—like once every 3-4 weeks. He used kissing emojis and I sometimes answered with kissing emojis as you know, I thought that kissing emojis are not that important, I use them all the time and in majority of times it means nothing to me.
We went on like three dates in a period of two years and we kissed on the lips once. Now, some time ago, I got into a wonderful relationship. I posted a question about something on my Reddit account and I mentioned my boyfriend. I never could’ve predicted the chaos this would create. This nutjob stalked all my social networks and found the article and started to bombard me with questions.
He was asking me why I cheated on him on him and so on. I was like what? Didn't know we were in relationship but okay, sorry if I hurt you! That’s when the fun stuff started to happen. He was following me on Instagram and started to bombard all the guys I followed on to see which one was my boyfriend! Almost a year has passed and he still does it.
He makes a lot of new accounts and tries to "learn the truth". Recently, he started to just send me e-mails where he tells me how he has thought about me for 10,000 hours, how he had to leave medicine because of me. He says that I completely ruined his life. I really couldn't imagine a 33-year-old would use kissing emojis without actual meeting and having physical contact (not counting that one kiss in person).
Even worse, I recently learned he is one of the "Proud Boys”—which, as I understand it is some kind of strange group of males with interesting views. I hate the thought of having hurt anyone, but I am not 100% sure everything he tells me is true. It always feels like he’s trying to get a rise out of me.
T Minus Ubrown short coated dog on brown wooden parquet floorPhoto by Kari Shea on Unsplash
It’s kind of messed up, but more hilarious. My ex-wife was still staying in the guest room—we just split and hadn't completed the divorce yet—on a temp basis while she found a new place. I grew tired of her attitude and told her I wanted her and all of her stuff out ASAP. I got home from an 18-hour shift, and when I got home at 6:30 am, I was greeted by a chilling sight.
It was empty. There was a full-on echo in that house. She got it all out of there, I'll tell you that. I had nothing but a stripped mattress on the bedroom floor. She hated the mattress, but bought all of the furniture in there, so she took all that. The funniest part? We had our initials in wood lettering on the wall, and the only thing that was left on any wall in the house was my remaining initials.
She plucked her "T" off the wall. I took a laughing selfie next to it and sent it to her.
Losing Two People With One Breakup
Me and my ex were high school sweethearts, she was my first and I was hers. We had been together for five years and been living together for three years when she broke it off. She waited about four weeks before she started dating my best friend, whom I had known since kindergarten.
Me and my "friend" had always been very close, he talked with me when she broke it up, consoled me, played the good guy while he and she were dating behind my back the whole time. This was a friend I was hanging out with almost daily for my whole life, skyping, playing all the new games together—we even went to the same schools just to be able to study the same things.
I didn’t see it coming and was heartbroken when it ended. She took all of “our” stuff and moved out on the same day. I was left in complete awe and didn’t even manage to put up a fight before she had 90% of everything we owned together. She even took my best friend. He just stopped talking to me after a few weeks and I haven’t heard from any of them for four years now.
I didn’t know that they had been dating so long until a mutual friend told me one year later when they announced their relationship. I guess it isn’t as messed up as many of these posts here, but it left me messed up. I have trust issues and have never been as lonely in my life as I am now. What really sickens me is that she took my best friend.
She could have had everything else, but why my best friend...
My boyfriend and I have been together for six years, since I was 13. He and his ex dated before that—he was 14 and she was 16. They dated for four months and that was it apart from them talking during our on-again-off-again stuff a few years ago. I am currently pregnant with our first child and it's been hard with family drama and living situations but overall, we’re thrilled.
She's also pregnant at the moment. Her and her current boyfriend were pregnant once before but he was stillborn so this is a big deal for her, which I completely respect. She's done a lot of terrible things over the years but I was genuinely happy for her. However, we’re literally due like a week apart—and it’s driving her off the deep end. She goes so out of her way to out-do anything having to do with pregnancy.
It's petty and stupid but it’s making me crazy. I never really post or talk about my pregnancy I just don't feel the need. She, on the other hand, posts daily which I understand. She's excited and wants to share that. The problem is the few things I have posted have been followed up by her posting nearly the exact same posts or posts that are very clearly directed at me.
We have basically the same friend group so it's a little frustrating that she can't share the spotlight even a little and especially that she's making passive-aggressive cryptic posts when I've done nothing but wish her well and try to be understanding because of the loss she went through. But that’s not the most infuriating part.
On top of that, mutual friends have told me she's still telling people how she's in love with my boyfriend and wants him back which is just uncomfortable given everything going on. I just don't understand how she can be so obsessed with him when they dated for such a short time as children or why she's so determined to undermine my pregnancy when I've hardly ever spoken to her let alone done something to deserve her being hateful towards me.
I mean I get that she wants the spotlight since this is so important to her but it's my first baby and I've had a lot of drama and pain during my pregnancy so I'd like to have a little positivity when it comes to sharing it with friends and family.
Do You Do Voodoo?man using smartphone white sittingPhoto by Courtney Clayton on Unsplash
I had been with my ex for five years. Last summer we broke up, mostly because of her lies, infidelity and her drinking problem. Still, I tried to be the good guy for her again after the breakup, like visiting so her kids don't take it too hard. About 6-7 months ago, she started to date a friend who wanted her for the last few years. I thought it would get her out of my hair—instead, it set her off.
She sent me tons and tons of hate messages, threats, etc. Then, she said that she was cursing me to an eternity of pain. Never spoke to her again and stayed the heck away. The thing is, even many months later, she still sends me hate messages and all. Yesterday she sent me a picture of an altar in her room with a picture of me, candles and stuff like that.
She just said that I am doomed and that she still curses me. Imagine her boyfriend in all that? She still spends that much energy to try to get to me, for no reason, after breaking my heart. All of that without him knowing, I would guess.
Let’s Split The Bill
I dated this girl, we will call her Candy. I should have known she was a nut job from the get-go but I was young and dumb. When I split with her I started dating the future mother of my daughter—let’s call her Cassie. To say that Candy didn’t take this well would be an understatement. She started telling Cassie to not get to comfortable dating me and that I’m only with her to make her jealous.
She went as far as to tell Cassie that even though he is spending time with you and making you think he loves you, he comes to see me at night and that I text her all the time. After all the reassuring and proving that it was all lies, this chick decided to go off the rail and scratch designs into Cassie's car. But there was something she didn’t think of.
She did it in a Walmart parking lot, and there were cameras so it was all caught on tape. After going through the hassle with security and management, I take Cassie back to her car since she is going home for the day. A few days later, she gets the estimate on what the cost would be for the repair and tells me and asks me to hand it off to the nutjob.
I hand Candy the estimate. She turns to me and says well this wouldn’t have happened if you had just stayed with me instead of going out with her. She then proceeded to tell me, "Look, I’m sorry, and tell Cassie that I’m sorry". I don’t know how she wants to take care of this—so she says I can pay, she can pay, or we can go halfsies on the repair.
She says that’s what I want to do—and her reasoning was totally unhinged. She says, "If I’m being honest with you, you should pay my part since I did this over you". I looked at her shocked and walked away.
She Cleaned Me Out
I had an ex that, after we broke up, came to the house to get her stuff. I wasn't home, but she convinced the landlord, who knew us, to let her in. Big mistake. I had told the property management specifically NOT to let her in. Anyway, I came home, and my house was completely empty except for my dog and an empty fish tank. She took everything that wasn't nailed down.
She took the food from the fridge, cupboards, and pantry. She took the SHOWER CURTAINS, both irons, my furniture, TVs, game systems plus games, and even took the light bulbs out of the light fixtures—and not just the easy-to-access ones. I called the authorities and told them I had been robbed. When they got there, the landlord said he let her in even though her name was not on the lease. The officers told me it was a civil matter, and they couldn't do anything about it.
Uke-idding Me?man staring at woman near gray concrete wallPhoto by JD Mason on Unsplash
We had been in a heated argument, and she went to another room. I assumed she was just getting some space and cooling off. A moment later, she came running out of the room, screaming and swinging a ukulele at me. We didn't break up then, but eventually did. That incident was the main reason. However, until we parted ways, I could never be calm if she was in another room.
He got a tattoo of me on his back then dumped me two weeks later. Two months later, he wanted to get back together, and when I refused, he cut himself in my driveway. I drove him to the hospital and got his blood all over my car. He survived. However, if I had to do it over again, I would have called the EMTs and gotten ready for the date I had that night.
I realize I shouldn't have been alone with someone who was that unstable.
A Not-So-Merry Christmas
I was in a VERY long-term relationship with a lovely lady. What she wanted in life changed over time, and thus we ended up with mutually-exclusive aims for our relationship. Recognizing this, we broke up, in spite of our wanting to be together. We stayed good friends. At the time of this story, I was in the final stages of buying her out of the house we had bought together, but this was taking a while because of banks and solicitors.
I’d been single over a year, and decided to look at online dating. I got pretty much nowhere, since I’m childfree, a nerd/geek, and still very into my rock music in spite of pushing 40 at the time. It’s 4am on the 1st December, and I’ve come home from dancing down at the rock club. While putting a brush through my hair, I’m browsing a dating site.
I happen upon a gorgeous childfree rock chick, who paints herself as a self-sufficient, independent, confident lady. In other words, my dream date! I couldn’t have known just how much this moment was what took my life from okay to a living nightmare. I muster all of my art and craft an intro message to send to her. I fire it off, and go to bed, expecting to never hear back, since she’s so far out of my league, she’s actually playing a different sport.
When I wake up in there’s a message from this lady. She claims that’s the best message any guy has ever sent her on such a site. She asks what the catch is since my profile makes me seem too good to be true. We end up chatting through the site. After a few hours, we move over to Facebook, and chat a lot more on messenger. On the Sunday, we have a video chat, and then more text chat through the day.
More text chat Monday and Tuesday. She’d just moved to my country, where she’d always wanted to live, starting a job in the new year, and was in a hotel for a couple of weeks while she got settled. She’s saved up six months of funds, to make sure she as enough to last to her first paycheque. Respect. Tuesday night, she’s on her own, hungry, but is feeling down that she has to eat alone.
I offer to hang out via vid chat while she eats. Apparently, she finds this incredibly sweet. Wednesday, since I have Friday off, works for plans that have fallen through, and she is also available. I ask for and we arrange for a date that Friday. We chat more, and then more on Thursday. During Thursday’s chats we’re both bricking it.
So I point out that this could be a “mate date” to start with, and I promise to not even try for a kiss. She loves this idea. Friday comes. I drive two hours to see her. I’ve brought freshly made sugary treats for her. She is even more stunning in the flesh. It becomes apparent that while I’m thinking “why would someone this hot & amazing be into me”, she has parallel thoughts.
We then spend several hours hanging around town near her place, going to shops, looking at touristy stuff, having a meal, etc. I have had a brilliant time with her. By the end there are a lot of hugs, and I depart for home. I get home to messages from her, we vid chat more. She’s posting for all to see how she’s had a brilliant time with the best guy ever.
We start chatting & vid-chatting every day. She makes references to me as being things such as her “wish-he-was-my-boyfriend”. She is very sweet towards me. On the Tuesday, she asks for a second date. We arrange Saturday. I end up being ill and we push back to Sunday. Sunday, the weather is going to be terrible, so our plans for our date are not going to work.
I arrange an “indoor picnic” for us, which she loves. She kisses me, and tells me she wants us to be a couple. I’m over the moon. We kiss and hung and chat a lot. During that time, she receives a call. It’s the friend she was going to be staying with over Christmas while between homes for a few days. She cannot stay after all, she’s going to be homeless during Christmas week.
As I was already planning on inviting her up for a few days in that time for my birthday, I offer to let her stay a little longer so she isn’t homeless. She’s thrilled. During our chats in the week, we arrange for her to come down to mine on the Thursday evening. Thursday evening, her journey was unusually quick, and she gets too my house a minute before I get home from work.
She loves my place, and loves the fact that I’ve fixed most of it up myself. She finds it super-comfortable. I cook for her, and she loves my food. I take her to bed that night, what we do in bed I leave up to her. Not giving any details here, but she seemed super-happy, though worried that I’d not had enough fun. I told her that I definitely had no complaints beyond exhaustion.
I have a short work-shift Friday morning, we spend Friday afternoon and evening together. She freaks out a little on Friday night over how I expressed something and my history with my ex. It was a red flag, but I ignored it. I was too into her. But I calm her down, and we end up very close. Saturday, we spend all day and all evening together. It’s a lot of fun no matter what we’re doing.
We verbally express our love for the first time. She explains that her dream guy was [my general physical description] from [my county], ever since she was young (in hindsight, another red flag, but I’d never dealt with a narcissist before). She tells me she’s never actually been with anyone she’s fallen for like this before (again, another red flag I’d not the experience to see at the time). She continues being incredibly sweet to me.
And now we get to Sunday 23rd December. This is the day it all turns around in the most horrifying way. We get up in the morning, spend some time together before some friends turn up for a nerdy game. This game is an annual tradition, and will include my ex, who I’m still fiends with. I’ve been super up-front about this.
I did forget that a mate of mine was turning up a little early to help me with some technical questions for a job application, and she lets him in while I’m in the shower. I apologize and she’s OK. Next to arrive is my ex. Who has her own key, as she still owns half the place, and a load of her stuff is still there. My girlfriend is a little freaked out by this.
My ex and my girlfriend have similar figures & looks (I have a type), and my girlfriend freaks out about this. My friends all head to the kitchen for drinks and snacks on their own, as the house is the local geek-central, and they’re used to doing this. This also freaks my girlfriend out. I try to calm her down, but she just shouts at me to go and play the game with my guests.
I leave her to it. After a while, she calls to me, and I go to check on her. She’s OK, has some questions about the local area, and sends me back to carry on with the game. OK. The game ends. I win. My ex jokes that it’s an early birthday present from them all. My ex and I also exchange (wrapped) Christmas gifts (as I said, still friends) for Christmas day.
My friends leave, and I go through to my girlfriend. She’s stumbling around the place as if she’s been drinking, and is struggling to put her shoes on, but determined to go out for a smoke. I realize I shouldn’t leave her on her own. While she’s getting ready, I make a disturbing discovery. I happen upon four empty sleeves of what turn out to be sleeping pills. Also, a glass that smells of something strong.
I’m worried. I follow her out of the house and she punches me in the torso and screams at me to leave her alone. I’m twice her size, so the punches don’t bother me. I follow her at a distance to make sure she’s safe. Every few hundred meters, she runs back to punch me (getting more serious as time goes on, until I had to block the blows with my arm) and screaming at me to get back together with my ex! And she’s saying I should throw my ex and all her stuff out of my house.
As she storms around the area near my house, I call the emergency services, as I’m worried sick about her. She hears me talking and so that she cannot be found from my description, sits down and removes here shoes and jeans before carrying on. I eventually manage to kite her back to my house, where she strips to her underwear, crawls into the (empty) bath, and starts banging her head against the side.
Thankfully, this is when the paramedics showed up! I gave the packets of sleeping pills over to them, and explained what was happening. They got her out the bath, dressed, and into the ambulance, and I came along with them. As we were dropped off at the hospital, one of the paramedics took me aside. What he said made my blood run cold.
He advised me to get out of the relationship ASAP. Another red flag, but hey, I was in love, how could I walk away? The hospital was quiet and my girlfriend fell asleep. She would occasionally be woken up for vitals, blood tests, etc., and when she came around, she was calling out for me, wanting to hold my hand, etc. After six hours, they thought she was OK, but should be kept in overnight, and I should go home and eat something.
However, my girlfriend just wanted to go back to mine, and was being her usual self, being sweet to me, etc. With my girlfriend having discharged herself, we walked home, since I don’t live far away. On the walk, she became increasingly upset at me, started hitting me again, blaming me for things like her lighter being in her other jeans, or having lost a stone from her ring while punching me.
She keeps insisting I should get back with my ex. She said she was leaving the following day. At this point, I realize I can’t make her happy for whatever reason, and just go with this. It doesn’t help that I’m on the autistic spectrum and don’t react well to this kind of confrontation. On getting home, I try to help her pack her bags, but this just freaks her out.
When she calms a little, she asks how my game went anyway. I think she's coming back around. I tell her I won, but my ex said she let me win as a birthday present. This leads to "She got you a birthday present?!”? and an explosion of fists! It ends up that I’m sat on the floor with her standing over me. She’s gripping my arms with her fingers, nails sinking into my flesh full-pelt, screaming at me that she wants my ex’s address so she can go and take her life, and would then happily get taken in by authorities!
I kite my girlfriend out the house, lock us both out and call 9-1-1. They turn up with an ambulance in tow. I’m told to stay in the other room, even if she shouts for me. There’s one officer and one paramedic in each room. We both give our stories. The paramedics are worried about my obvious injuries, I’m more worried about my girlfriend.
The officers and paramedics elect to take her to the local psychiatric unit for assessment. She’d screaming for me as they take here away. I’m curled-up, sobbing in tears as this breaks my heart. I have a very quick bite to eat and catch a few hours of sleep. I wake up early, Christmas eve, unable to sleep. I message two close friends for want of a shoulder to cry on, and shower and have breakfast.
I’ve given my number to the officer and paramedics, so am expecting to need to go and collect my girlfriend at some point. My two friends both phone me. I fill them in. One advises me that the girlfriend has crossed the line and I need to take a stand on this. The other pops around to give me a hug. Around dinner time, my girlfriend shows up at my door.
I’m expecting she will apologize—but I was so, so wrong. She’d taken too much/little of something. Instead, she’s angry at me. To her, we had a fight, so I called the authorities, and got her thrown in a One-Flew-Over-the-cuckoo’s-Nest-style hospital. She has with her a needle she snagged at the hospital, and she’s going to use it to take her own life in my bed.
I managed to wrest the needle from her. I apologize for upsetting her, but not for anything I’ve done as I still don’t know what I actually did wrong! I text my mum to let her now that I’ll be late or absent for Christmas. My girlfriend asks to text my mum, and I let her. My mum calls me, speaks to my girlfriend, and my mum decides we should just head on down to see them as planned.
My girlfriend and I get ready. She changes into the most gorgeous outfit, but is still angry at me over nothing I’ve done wrong, and has yet to apologize for her behavior, so I say nothing. She hadn’t packed any other clothes, and I check with her, but she tells me to stop complaining and just go. I drive us down to my parents’ place. She’s nice to them but still sniping at me.
My dad takes her out for a walk to see some local Christmas lights, while my mum and I talk. She explains that their plan is to let whatever is in my girlfriend’s system clear tonight, and we can have a nice Christmas the following day. My dad and girlfriend get back. We all settle in front of the TV. My girlfriend complains I’m not even holding her hand or sitting next to her.
I sit with her and she cuddles up to me, before falling asleep. I carry her to bed. She wakes up a little later, undresses, and cuddles up to me in bed. I thought my nightmare might be over—but I was so wrong. The following morning, she’s confused. She doesn’t remember coming to bed or undressing, and thinks I’ve done something to her. She has no change of clothes.
I didn’t even comment on her outfit. She’s still convinced that it’s all my fault. I don’t really love her, I’m just using her for my own kicks. I’m still waiting for her to apologize and/or tell me what I actually did wrong. We fight through the morning, I drag her outside to get her away from my nephews, when my sister comes up. She’s nice to my family, nasty to me.
I arrange to take her back to mine, and deal there. My dad arranges to follow me, and we will then get her into a hotel where she can chill and calm down. On the way home, she keeps threatening to hurt herself. She says that when I return to work, she will do it in my bed. We get back home, I let her into the house, and call the emergency services, as she’s threatening self-harm.
Paramedics show up just after my dad. My girlfriend and I are in with the paramedics while my dad arranges a near-ish hotel. Paramedics talk to her on her own. She admits this was all an act to get me to be sweet to her again. Unfortunately for her, her behavior interacted with my autistic spectrum to shut me down to a coldly logical position.
I point out that she had completely messed with my head, and that if we’re to have a chance, I need a few hours without her. We’ll put her in a hotel for the next two nights. I’ll come and see her tomorrow. We pack all her stuff, and take her to the hotel. It’s a cheap basic place. I have to assure the staff that it’s me she’s upset at, and I’m not staying.
I head back to my house. Her friends have contacted me on Facebook to see what’s happening as she’s upset. I fill them in. That’s when they reveal the dark truth. It turns out she’s pulled this stuff before. They think I’m a stand-up guy for how I handled it. I get back to my parents’ house. Finally get to eat. It’s now about ten at night.
My sister stays up late with me, we talk things through. My sister is awesome. The following morning, I wake up refreshed. I’m off the roller-coaster and know what I need to do. I arrange to meet some friends to back me up, so I can go and break things off with her. I promised her that I’d never lie to her, cheat on her, harm her, hurt her, etc., and she’s done all these things to me.
I realize I may not be able to say this stuff, so I write it all in a letter I can hand over in case. I let her know the exact time and place to meet, then unfriend her on Facebook. My friends meet me an hour before. I explain, and they are horrified. My girlfriend doesn’t show up. I’m relieved, as I have now kept all my promises. I get home, I have a message from my now ex-girlfriend, claiming she wasn’t even at the hotel.
I paste the contents of the letter into Messenger, ask her not to contact me again, and block her on messenger. It’s now the 26th of December. But there’s been some devastating aftermath. For the next few days, I suffered panic attacks and mental exhaustion. My friends have to come and take care of me, and I can’t leave the house on my own.
My many friends rally around to help me rehabilitate over the coming weeks. I’m lucky to have awesome friends and family. It takes five weeks for most of the physical damage to heal. I’m still having physiotherapy on my arm now, over a year later. Physiologically, I’m messed up badly for a couple of months, and a little bit for a good six months after that.
I’m still a little paranoid about relationships at this point. Three months later, I found messages she’d sent after I blocked her. Being mean to me in some very hurtful ways. I don’t know what it is that is wrong with her. I just hope that she can get the help and support she obviously needs, and nobody else has to go through what I did.
Champagne For My Ex, Real Pain For Meman kneeling in front of womanPhoto by Ben White on Unsplash
On my first night in a new city, I call my mother to tell her I arrived safely. She tells me that the girl I dated when I was 16-17—I was 23 and hadn't heard a peep in five years—called out of the blue looking for me and left her number. Lonely and bored, I rang her up and had a strange catch-up session. She told me she was engaged to a woman and that her life after we broke up was a series of unfortunate events.
We hung up on pleasant terms with no plans to keep in touch. Three days later, I am exiting my building and who is standing there in the rain waiting…yep...her. She had flown 2,500 miles in the middle of the night because she thought we were destined to be together. She told me how she was so torn up about us not being together that she had pulled out all of her hair...down there.
She also brought her fiancé who was as crazy as she was, and was urging my ex to have a baby with me. I calmly tried to tell her that this was insane and that I had no interest in any of this when, out of nowhere, everything goes black. I wake up to chaos as my doorman is holding the fiancé down, waiting for paramedics and law enforcement to arrive.
It turns out she had hit me on the back of the head with a full bottle of champagne they had brought to celebrate with. Restraining orders followed.
The Virgin Birth
She was a smoke show, but absolutely crazy. She would lie about the dumbest things; what she had for breakfast, family members, the car she was "working on". Okay, lady. Anyway, enough was enough, so I decided to call it quits. A few weeks passed, and my youth pastor from my church came to my school—a private Christian college prep school—and pulled me out of class.
He sits me down to have a serious conversation, and I'm so confused. He asks me what I'm going to do about this girl and the baby and I start laughing my head off. He's a cool dude, but he got furious! He knows I'm not a virgin at this point and I've talked to this dude about everything under the sun. The priceless moment was when his face went from pure rage directed at me to pure rage directed at her when I told him we never even did the deed.
Apparently, she had started going to my church in the middle of the week to "seek god" and told him she was pregnant, blah blah blah. So my youth pastor did the only logical thing he could—he caught her red-handed in her lie and told her mommy.
A Moving Obstacle
I had an ex show up at my parents’ house—I was 19 and living with them—and demand we work things out. I asked her to leave and she refused. I grabbed my then 11-year-old brother, put him in my car, and tried to leave. Her reaction was seriously deranged. She blocked the driveway with her body, so I had to drive in the yard.
She then got mad that I left and drove to my mother’s place of employment to talk to her about it! After my mum told her to leave her work, she shows back up at my house and refuses to leave again. I locked up the house and she sat on the porch swing for three hours before my stepdad arrived home from work, tossed gas money at her, and told her to get the heck off his property.
She was crazy.
Discomfort Foodman in gray crew neck long sleeve shirt standing beside woman in black crew neck shirtPhoto by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash
I had been dating this woman for about six months. Generally, things were pretty sweet, but she did have one negative aspect to her nature: she was rather overly fond of the bottle, and she was one of those individuals who, when indulging in her favorite tipple, would instantly flip from being perfectly rational to going crazy once she’d hit a certain level of consumption.
Of course, love being blind, I tolerated this particular foible—until one day she went way too far. Some exposition: it all started when I got a phone call one day from the husband of a very dear friend of mine, a friend who I’d known for over 25 years and who was, for all intents and purposes, my sister. She had just been rushed into hospital with a suspected brain tumor.
I promptly called some mutual friends and asked if I might crash at their place for a few days while I came down to visit her. Arrangements made, I drove down on my bike to London from the West Country that day—this was on a Wednesday in late December. As it happened, I ended up not being allowed to see my friend until the Friday afternoon, as she’d had to undergo major surgery.
I was able to visit her for a few hours but for reasons that are not important to this story, I was obliged to be back home for the Saturday morning. Late Friday afternoon, I drove home. About two-thirds of the way home, I felt my phone go off, so I pulled into a convenient lay-by to check what I knew to be an important message. I replied, and then resumed my journey.
As I pulled into the lay-by in the pitch darkness, I felt the back wheel step out on me: as an experienced biker, I knew this to be down to a patch of diesel, the bête-noir of any biker. The back wheel hit the curb separating the lay-by from the main carriageway and promptly flipped me sideways into the active lane 1. At this juncture, this was more of an annoyance than anything serious.
Every biker I know has encountered diesel, which for us is more slippery than ice. I knew that I had not pulled out of the lay-by in front of any other vehicle—the road behind was straight for at least 1,000 yards, and there were no other vehicles, even in lane two to remotely impede my departure. Bikers are generally very cautious people, and bear in mind that I’m wearing full leathers, Kevlar-armored boots and spine-guard, and a metric ton of reflective hi-vis overalls.
Cursing up a storm at the inconvenience, I go to pick up my bike. That’s when it happens. Jump cut…suddenly I find myself flat on my back with a coterie of ambulance and medical personnel in my face—WTH?? Turns out that, despite all my hi-vis gear, some woman had driven over me at high speed, causing me to crash through her windscreen and ricochet back out again.
I was carted off in the ambulance to the local hospital suffering from two broken legs and a completely wrecked shoulder. Long story short: I spent two months in hospital over Christmas and New Year enduring surgery on one of my legs and my shoulder, during which time my ex visited me many times. Now we get to the dramatic part of the tale.
On the day of my release, still with both legs in plaster and in a wheelchair, I call my ex and tell her that I’m coming home but not to come over until the following day as I just wanted to chill out and get my bearings. Another friend had kindly rearranged the furniture in my house to make it easier to negotiate my way around in my chariot.
She was insistent about coming over so, despite my misgivings, I said fine: come over. As you might imagine, getting home was a joy, despite the encumbrance of the wheelchair. A few hours later, my ex turns up and I can already see that she’s well plastered. Within moments, all kinds of alarm bells were going off. She was trying to get me to do things I'd already figured out how to do, and doing so in a very passive-aggressive manner.
Normally, I could handle her attitude but in my still-fragile state, I started to panic. Things came to a head when she insisted on cooking me dinner, despite my intention to order a take-away from my favorite Indian restaurant as a treat for my time enduring hospital food. I’m in no position to restrain her as she trots off to the local supermarket.
She comes back and starts to prepare dinner—and promptly overcooks things to the point of burning things to a cinder and setting off all the smoke alarms. Now I’m in full-Monty panic mode: I call a friend, who knew of my accident, and asked her if she would come over and try and rein her in. She comes over within a few minutes and is appalled at the way my ex is behaving.
For reasons that are still unclear to me, my ex’s reaction was seriously deranged. She starts berating me for the accident, and begins to hit me about the head. Now into nuclear-grade panic: I wheel myself next to the stairs and proceed to bum-shuffle my way upstairs to the bathroom, where I promptly lock myself in and proceed to have a complete meltdown.
I can recall hearing my friend and my ex having a major shouting match downstairs, but the next thing I remember is hearing a knock on the door announcing the presence of two officers: my friend (bless her) had called the constabulary, so concerned was she for my well-being. Such was my state of utter panic I refused to open the door to them until my ex had been removed from my house.
They called out for another squad car to take her away, but even then, it took another twenty minutes before I felt safe enough to emerge. And that’s how I split up with my ex!
I Escaped Her Twisted Plot
My ex-best friend of forty years married young and moved away after high school. Her husband was a defense contractor, so they moved around a lot. We kept in touch by phone and met up about once a year for a mini-vacation. I was going through a nasty divorce, and she invited my 14-year-old daughter and me to come to live with her until the divorce was finalized.
I got to her home, which was over 1,800 miles away, and found out that everything she had told me for 32 years was a lie. Her job, her being married, her living situation—everything. She was a hoarder, and about 80% of the house was inaccessible. The parts that were accessible were filthy. She had multiple animals, and there was poop everywhere!
On top of that, she was in the process of being evicted, and she wanted me to give her $8K to lease a new home, in addition to cleaning up her hoard. Her two daughters, who were 21 and 19 at the time, were still living at home, and they began telling me the rest of the story. They told me how she had mountains of debt and planned to fleece me to get a new place to live.
What was worse was what they told me about what they had been through. She had mentally/emotionally/physically harmed both of them throughout their childhood. My “friend’s” common-law husband to confirmed it. I confronted my ex-friend about all of it and told her I was leaving and wasn’t going to give her a cent. She retaliated by calling the authorities on me and telling them I was selling illicit substances.
I almost got taken into custody until the officers realized I had no record, no large sums of money, and no illicit substances on me. The insanity didn’t end there. Then she called child protection services on me, saying I was harming my daughter. Because I wasn’t guilty, there was no proof, and both her daughters made statements that she was lying. My ex-friend then called my unstable ex-husband and told him where I was.
It took me two days to sort everything out and prepare to leave. In that time, she called CPS and reported me three more times, and tried to take my car. She also began calling my elderly and terminally ill mother, telling her all sorts of things. I won’t even go into the vile things she texted to my child. I left and cut all contact.
Burning Down The House
I used to run a small DIY punk venue. My ex, who was angry with me at the time, came to a huge Halloween show we put on, went into the bathroom, lit the trash can on fire, locked the door behind her, and left. I busted the door open and extinguished the fire before the building caught ablaze. I had approx. 250 kids in the venue that night. It was unbelievable.
Cross-Country Crazywoman using gray binocularsPhoto by Chase Clark on Unsplash
We had been broken up for about ten months and hadn’t spoken in seven. For completely unrelated reasons after our breakup, I had moved across the country. She found out where I lived, flew out there, rented a car, and parked on my block, scouting out my house. In the car was a pair of binoculars, a book on birdwatching, so she could explain to any passersby why she was staring around a neighborhood with binoculars, and a cat carrier.
She didn’t have a cat, but I did. She was planning to break into my house and take my cat. She had even bought a return flight ticket back to the East Coast with the pet fee paid.
A Match Made In Heaven
For some context, my ex-boyfriend and I were together for seven years. Last August, I made the decision to move in to help my mother as she was needing some help recovering from a medical procedure. So I moved out of my boyfriend’s house and moved into my mother’s. Near the end of November, I moved back in with my boyfriend.
I'm assuming that while I was gone, he was seeing another woman, because she kept texting him. I told my boyfriend that he needed to tell her that we were trying to work things out but he continued to tell me that he just was not going to respond so I reached out to her myself. I texted her and just said something along the lines of, “Hi, I know you don't know who I am but me and (ex-boyfriend) have been on and off for about seven years. I'd like to speak with you, could you give me a call”.
She almost immediately responded and said that she would call me. So she calls me, and boy was I in for a surprise. She began ranting about how all of her problems began when Joe Biden became president, she asked me if I was a witch and about all of the lies that she caught (ex-boyfriend) in. I stop and ask her, "Where did you and (ex-boyfriend) meet”?
And you know what she tells me? "In heaven, where he kidnapped me. We have the same markings on our left hand, I don't think you understand”. I thought to myself, "She is being serious...this is insane”. I mention something about the front end of my car needing repair as my ex had rear-ended someone and never got it fixed.
She says, "You mean, (ex-boyfriend)'s car”? I was puzzled and told her that he didn't own a car. She proceeds to tell me that he picked her up in a silver SUV, which was my car. I was pretty upset to say the least. Then my ex-boyfriend walks in and asks who I'm talking to, then she asked me if he knew that she was on the phone and I told her no.
Her response made my heart jump in my chest. She told me, "Good, I'm on my way”. I get off the phone and my boyfriend at the time continued to ask me who I was on the phone with. I told him and then told him that she was on her way. He began freaking out and telling me that we had to leave. So he talks me into leaving (which I didn't agree with, I thought she had a right to say her piece).
We go to the next town over to a hotel. This hotel had no rooms available so we go to another hotel down the road and right as I'm about to get out of my car, this woman opens my car door. I was shocked. How did she know where we were at? So, my first reaction was to shut my door, like no, we are not about to do this today, and I drive off. And she follows—but that’s not the craziest part.
She follows me for two freaking hours. It was 2 am and I stopped my car and told my ex-boyfriend to get out. He gets out of the car and starts running. I can see her car in my rear-view mirror and she puts her car in park, gets out, and begins chasing after him. About 15 minutes later, my ex calls me and tells me where to come get him.
She later sends me a long, rambling letter. What a piece of work.
There's no denying that men have it easier than women do in just about everything.
With this in mind, it's hard not to join in with those who judge men who display stereotypical, chauvinistic behavior.
However, some would argue, or more specifically some MEN would argue, that they are judged for too many things.
And indeed, everyone would agree that far too many men are judged for displaying behavior that doesn't exactly scream "masculinity."
Redditor Few-Strength5065 reached out to the men of Reddit, asking them what they think men should be able to partake in or enjoy without judgment from others, leading them to ask:
Happiness Is In The Eye Of The Beholder
"Being content with enough."- Zenshin26
The Definition Of Antiquated
"Being the one who takes care of kids in a relationship or making less money than their partner."- HartoCD
Everyone Has The Right To Decompress
"I bust my a** at work and save money so I can then play."
"That might be video games, might be a sport, might be building random shit in a workshop, but whatever it is, let a bro have his hobbies/playtime."
"See a 30 year old playing Pokémon?"
"Good, leave him alone and let him have his fun."- Link9454Adam Driver Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
Head Out Of Gutters People...
"Just tryna get the potassium bro."- MightyKing19
Father's Spending Time With Their Children? The Very Thought!
"Taking kids to the park/walmart/etc."
"Too many horror stories of some Karen taking issue with this as if it's wrong for men to be fathers."
"Also, just being a dad in general."
"There was that phase in the media where the father was played off as some idiot that couldn't even without the help of the wife.'
"Our culture seemed to buy this idea wholesale, and we're still reeling from the effects."- ridicalis
"Being a parent."
"Any time a dad is out alone with his kids other people always ask if he's on babysitting duty."
"It's not called babysitting it's called being a parent."- Elementus94Fathers Day Dad GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy
Peace And Quiet Can Be Hard To Come By
"Wanting to be left the hell alone."
"It’s not that we don’t want to spend time with our partners, but for f*ck sake alone time is valuable."
"Sometimes your man just wants a little time to himself and there’s nothing wrong with that or anything to read into about it."-Jollybritishchap
Smart, Smart Boy...
"Maybe a minor one, not talked about a lot but: watching certain movies."
"Growing up I was always taught that certain things were just for girls."
"I’m 29, just watched Charlie’s Angels for the first time a month ago and I’m honestly mad at what could’ve been a pretty formative movie."
'When I was 14 or so, my uncle was trying to ask me and my cousin which movie we wanted to rent for the evening."
"It came down to Catwoman or Scorpion King, and my cousin chose Catwoman only for my uncle to say 'that’s gay' to which my cousin replied: 'how is you wanting to watch The Rock all shirtless and oiled up not gay, but me wanting to watch Halle Berry in a skintight leather cat suit is?'"- CinnaSol
All That Matters Is How They Taste
"Liking 'girly' cocktails."
"Let me have a margarita."
"Generally, anything deemed 'girly'."- Panal-LlenoJimmy Fallon Drinking GIFGiphy
NO MEANS NO!!!
"Telling a woman no."- AFLYINGDINGUS
Minimalism Is Popular
"Having empty apartments."
"As much as it’s nice to have decorations in a house, I don’t give a sh*t about it."
"As long as my house is clean and I am comfortable in it then I have the essentials."
"My girlfriend is the only reason our house is decorated."- Grundle_Gripper_Dancing Alone GIF by Aaron AyeGiphy
Emotions Are A Sign Of Strength
"Opening up their emotions."
"Being a man can be so lonely."
"if your struggling don't be afraid."- JillHardenerOfficial
Interest Can't Be Forced
"Not being interested in sports."- Klutzy_Growth1945Major League Soccer No GIF by Sporting KCGiphy
Many people have their opinions of what a "real man" should do and be.
Without any justification for that opinion whatsoever.
After all, it seems safe to agree that a "real man" couldn't care less what others think about their interests and hobbies, as long as they aren't bringing any harm to others.
Ideally, they might even be bringing others joy.
In movies and television, school reunions look like tons of fun.
Everybody attends and hilarity ensues.
But in real life, there is a lot of mystery surrounding these events.
Who plans them?
Who pays for them?
Why would anyone really go?
After decades start to pass, these people are really just strangers.
And it's also proof of aging.
Who needs other old people wandering around reminding you you're old?
Redditor Throwyz wanted to know why people chose to skip school reunions, so they asked:
"People who never went to their class reunions, why?"
My high school reunion was ok.
The sexy guys were still handsome.
That was all I cared about.
Who CaresI Dont Care Shrug GIF by Puss In BootsGiphy
"I don’t care about the people I went to school with."
"Same. Who cares. I stayed in touch with those I cared about. The end."
A Selective Process
"I keep in touch with the people from high school I want to keep in touch with. No need to go to a mediocre event and be judged by the others."
"Living in the age of Facebook everyone I care about from high school knows what's going on in their lives already. Anyone I actually want to interact with I already do."
"Didn't want to be there as a kid, so had no desire to return."
"This is the answer. I've skipped all of my class reunions and never regretted it."
"But one of my friends decided to go to a class reunion a few years back. He said it was amazing (or scary if you will) how quickly old group dynamics re-emerged, even 30-plus years later."
"The guys and gals who made up the 'in-crowd' back around 1988/89 had mainly peaked at 16. Everyone acted much more mature, obviously, but he said the whole affair got really cliquey really quick. Like I said, I never regretted not going."
"First of all, I wasn’t invited. I’m still as invisible to them as I was back then. Second of all, f**k those clowns."
"LOL, me too. I wasn't invited to the five-year reunion, and I still lived in the same town! I randomly worked with an old classmate, and she told me that the official list had me under 'could not find.' It was just so hilariously petty. I considered writing a note to suggest that they simply consult the local directory for my name but decided I didn't care enough."
Peaks and LowsI Know Right Mean Girls GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"I feel like reunions are for all the popular kids who peaked in high school who want to return to either gloat about how successful they are or to relive the 'good old days' if they weren’t."
The popular kids always have to show up and show out.
Even when their lives fall apart.
IrrelevantRomy And Micheles High School Reunion Interview GIFGiphy
"Are class reunions a thing in the time of social media? We can find out everything we want from everyone we ever met should we choose to do so."
"I stay in touch with my best buddies from high school and university, don't care enough about anyone else to make the effort of traveling for a reunion."
"This indeed. Half of this thread is people going 'f**k those guys.' I literally don't care. Hope they're doing well in a general sense but if I wanted a follow-up, I would've gone after it sooner. I can't be ar*ed."
"Exactly the same reason for me. If I was still local, I probably would have gone, but it was not worth traveling almost 1000 miles round trip."
"I was bullied, had my property vandalized repeatedly and permanently (my car was keyed to sh*t more than once), got in fights, had inappropriate comments made by teachers. Why the actual f**k would I travel out of state and pay hundreds of dollars for a ticket to be surrounded by those memories?"
Didn't Know Most Of Them Then
"I graduated with 450 people and I didn’t even know most of them then. I personally think class reunions are for people who want to brag about how much money they have or how great their kids are. Show off the new plastic surgery. Why the f**k would I go to something like that? Later losers!"
Never Look Back
"I hated HS, couldn't wait to get out, hated where I grew up, felt like a caged animal, and my life only got better after leaving there. Didn't look back and didn't want to look back. Now 55 and retired with lots of good years in front of me."
"This is relatable. Plus, I already know how all of those people from high school are doing-- they're all wasting away their lives in a shitty small town, still living out the same drama from 12 years ago. And I'd rather not hear all about their latest MLM bullsh**t. Enjoy your retirement!!"
"Millennial here graduated from HS in the mid-to-late 00s."
"I'm still close with a core group of friends from HS. Those I'm not friends with, but still cordial acquaintances with, I keep up with through Facebook, which I'm slowly trying to remove from my life aside from my Quest 2 and looking at cat pics and vids on Instagram."
"I wasn't very popular in high school. I have some great friends from then, but I was also relentlessly bullied. Seeing as I can keep up with the positive parts of my life from then via just talking to my friends, why go back to the people who bullied me? I don't think about them anymore, I'd rather live my life without communicating with them."
Decades PastAging Matt Damon GIFGiphy
"I haven’t spoken to a single person from my high school class in over 20 years. I never really liked many of them back then so I’m damn sure not wasting time going to a reunion. Also I never even got an invite."
As time passes, you care less.
Wish others well, but you don't have to know them forever.