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Doctors Divulge The Biggest Lies Their Patients Have Ever Told Them

_PEOPLE! No matter how scary it is you must, MUST be honest with your medical professionals. It serves no purpose to lie to a doctor. It doesn't save you from your condition. Lying only impedes the process and your recovery. Don't worry, it'll all be fine. I guarantee you God is already judging you for far worse then why you're at the doctor's. _

Reddior _\CrayCon _**wanted some medical truth by asking... **Doctors of Reddit, what is the biggest lie your patient has ever told you? Maybe also see a therapist upon release as well.

LAZARUS!!!!

EMT, Not the patient. But, the wife.

Was getting the patient to take him to the doctor. I asked him if he could stand. The wife told me he hasn't walked in 30 years. The dude stands up unassisted and walks to the stretcher.

I've been in this work a long time and simply don't give a damn about a lot of stuff.

So. I just blurt out "HOLY CRAP ITS A MIRACLE!!" I was prepared to get in trouble....never happened...

PAGING DR. MAURY!!!

When I was an intern I was doing my ER rotation and a woman in her late 30's or so came in complaining of nausea and lower abdominal discomfort for the last few days. I did the dillegent history taking and of course, asked her about the possibility of her being pregnant.

She lost her s**t and went off on me... said she was a lesbian woman and had not been with a man for 10 plus years. Yelled at me to get my boss and let an "adult" treat her.

I reported back to my attending and delineated the tests I wanted done. He was like..."I didn't hear a plan for a pregnancy test." and I was like: "I don't think that's needed...she's a lesbian and hasn't been with a man in 10 years." My attending smiled and said: "Humor me."

She was pregnant. Went back to her room and there were two dudes mean mugging one another about to fight. She couldn't even look me in the eye.

FOLLOW THE TRACKS...

Patient presented with unrelated complaints but on the standard intake for our clinic we were to ask whether the patient had used any injected drugs in the last month. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt. As I asked he looked down at his arms, exposing his numerous, or syringe puncture wounds on his arms.

He then looked up at me, crossed his arms obscuring many of the track marks, and proudly stated: "Nope, never."

ARE YOU A CHIMNEY?

My dad laughs at this all the time but my mom is nurse at an urgent care. Anyway, we have a neighbor who is constantly smoking. Like every time we drive by their house to pull into our drive way this lady is smoking. She comes in one day for something and my mom asks her standard questions. One is if she smokes. She says no. Unbelievable.

YUCK!

I work in an ER, had someone come in and was acting erratically from the get go, went back into his bay and he was with his lady friend and they were looking at mosquito bites along their arms and legs, he went on to tell me about how they go hiking every sunday and get torn up by bugs but every single bite on both of them was scabbed and along a vein.

JUST THE FACTS PLEASE...

I had a lady in the hospital who was several days post op, and had met all criteria for discharge. This can be a somewhat difficult situation, because you want to maintain a good relationship with your patient, but at the same time can't inappropriately use hospital resources. I told her that if there's no medical necessity, insurance could deny payment for the extra night in the hospital, to which she said:"Oh, my health insurance agent was just up here and he said I should stay another day." I just stared at her for a minute since I have never seen an insurance representative in the hospital, and don't even know if health insurance agents exist. She then admitted that she just made that up.

DO I SMELL....

Me : Do you smoke?

Pt: I'm afraid so, doc (looks sheepish)

Me: Do you smoke anything other than tobacco? (then explaining to medical student how cannabis is associated with certain conditions)

Pt (shocked and virtuous) Oh no, doctor! (the very idea!)

5 minutes later...

Me: Mr Pt, when i asked you to get undressed I meant that I would need your T-shirt off

Pt (channels 5 year old child, looking at the floor and mumbling), takes shirt off... to reveal a MASSIVE cannabis leaf tattoo on his chest.

I SEE YOU SIR! I SEE YOU!

A few years ago, a man came in complaining of a terrible cough, chest pain, and fatigue. I asked him if he had a history of smoking. Naturally he said no. Around an hour later, on my way home, I stopped to get some food and there he was, smoking outside McDonalds.

I NEED A XANAX JUST HEARING THIS!

Not a doctor but I was an ER scribe. I would follow the doctors around with a laptop and do all of their electronic charting, ordering tests, note taking and stuff like that.

Had a patient, probably around 18-20 year old male. Complaining of a foreign object in his... male organ. He had a set of iPhone headphones stuck up his urethra. And when I say stuck up there, I mean all the way to where the single cord splits in two for the two earbuds. Out of precaution we did an x-ray and sure enough, you could see the knotted up cord in his lower abdomen and it was going to require surgery to remove due to it being tangled.

He said that he was at a party with some friends and that he got drunk and passed out and his friends shoved it up there as a joke while he was passed out. Luckily the doctor I was working with had seen this guy for the same thing not long ago except before it was a wire coat hanger. She recognized there was a bigger issue and convinced him to have an inpatient psych consult in the ER after surgery so they could get him the help he needed.

Not a single person in that exam room bought his story that his friends did it to him though.

NO PILLS FOR YOU!!

Only a medical student but a patient I took history from wanted Ativan for anxiety, she was telling me about how her panic attacks are so bad she gets into car accidents with casualties every week. I mean a lot of patients will tell lies or play coy to get controlled substances but she was the only one who admitted to multiple counts of vehicular manslaughter.

When I presented her case to my attending she showed me a note in the EMR from another doctor stating this was a regular tactic of her's as well as an extensive online list of every scrip different doctors had given her for controlled substances.

She didn't get an Ativan prescription that day.

I'M NOT STUPID SIR... YOU ARE!

Patient came in breathing through his mouth. His mouth was as wide as he could stretch it. His breath sounded like sucking that last bit of liquid through a straw. He snorted 9 ounces of cinnamon when his mum's boyfriend dared him to. He then tried to snort water to wash it away. His mucus became like a biscuit. He had a cold too. Tried very hard not to insult their collective intellect.

SHADY, SHADY!

Nurse practitioner, I work with patients with substance use disorder, many of them must have their urine spiked by our staff, or someone slipped drugs in their food or drink.

METH IS THE DEVIL!

In my first crappy job I would take sickdays constantly. I learned how to fake certain symptoms, have a cracked voice and all that.

I always wondered if the doctor saw through me but did not want to call me out or just did not give a crap at all. Because one day I went to another doctor, he called me out and sent me to work. Funnily enough I actually became sick the very next day with flu, came back to the same doctor and he apologized that he never knows for sure and there are a lot of people faking symptoms to get things in flu medicines that you can make meth out of.

HOW ABOUT CUTTING BACK ON THE SNICKERS?

Pretty much every episode of 600 pound life: I'm tellin' you doctor, it's water weight.

GUILTY!

I tell my dentist that i floss regularly.

LIGHTS RISE...

Yikes I don't understand why people would lie to their doctor, at best it makes their job unnecessarily difficult and at worse the treatment could be wrong or dangerous.

I really did get a light bulb stuck up my butt from falling onto it though. I don't recall why I wasn't wearing any pants.

SOME PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE...

Does Munchausen by proxy stories count ?

One of my father patient kept coming back with her daughter's mysterious illness. The kid was grey.... like from head to toe, her skin had a grey/ blue tint. Mother swore it happened overnight and nothing could explain it...

Yeah right...

My father recognized silver poisoning and had the kid tested. A few calls to his colleagues in the area confirmed that the woman had been touring doctors, disappearing every time argyrism was diagnosed. The mother was feeding silver powder to her kid for attention.

STOP GRINDING!

I was waiting at the dentist's (I arrived way too early) and a teen and his mom comes in. They talk to the dentist and his mom says he has been grinding his teeth. He acts like she attacked him and was like _"I do not, I never grind my teeth!!!!!" Then 10 minutes later the dentist comes back with the kid out to the waiting room and tells the mother there is severe grinding happening and he is at risk of getting severe cavities since all the enamel is gone and he is wearing into the teeth. The look on his face was priceless. He then said they would have to go upstairs to the orthodontist and get a mouth guard for sleeping and that the kid will always have to be vigilant that he isn't grinding for the rest of his life (or something like that).

ANIMALS ARE PEOPLE TOO!

I'm a veterinarian and people do the same stuff. Dog comes obviously intoxicated with something and you ask if he could have possibly consumed "x" drug (depending on the dogs symptoms) and people don't want to admit anything. I don't care wtf you do to yourself, have at it, but don't let the dog suffer by not being honest and therefor preventing or at the very least delaying appropriate treatment.

LETS STARVE YOU!!

"He only got sick yesterday" Haha no, he was probably like this for months, you just had time to come in today. At this point, there's really not much I can do.

Also, parents of SAM kiddies. Lol he really didn't get sick yesterday, you haven't been feeding the kid for months.

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
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Tiard Schulz/Unsplash

Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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