Doctors Divulge How They Really Tell A Patient They Are Dying
Working in the medical profession simply builds a whole lot of heartache. Doctors watch, day after day, as some of their patients fall ill, only to never recover.
It's a part of the job to break gentle news both to the patients and to their families that their loved one is most likely not going to make it. Having to tell someone they're dying, and force them to deal with their own mortality, brings up a special kind of hell.
Some people have had to develop coping mechanisms to get through it.
Redditor roblixepic asked:
"Doctors of Reddit, how do you tell a patient that they're dying?"
Here were some of those answers.
Compassion Goes The Distance
"My dad’s surgeon discovered what he called 'cement' in his abdomen from cancer that had spread so aggressively that it damaged his colon and required emergency surgery. I asked the doctor while waiting for my dad to wake up if it was terminal."
"The incredible man told me he was not God and could not declare certainties. He said other patients with similar onset had anywhere from a few months to five years. He told me could not tell the future but suggested we discuss care options with my dad."
"I asked his opinion if we should tell my dad right away or give him time to recover from surgery. I’ll never forget his response: 'In my experience, patients know when their bodies are giving up. He will know before you or I do.'”
"My dad had almost 3 years after that conversation. When his body was finally giving out, he asked my mom to take him to the hospital, and for the only time ever in his adult life, he left the house without shoes. My mom said he must have realized he wouldn’t be walking back into the house."
"That was almost 9 years ago. Cancer sucks. But some of my dad’s doctors were incredible and compassionate, and the ICU nurses were amazing."-OlderAndTired
Simple And Direct
"If you’re an amazing doctor like my dads doctor was, you say, 'I gave it my last shot, buddy. I gotta turn you over to hospice now but know I don’t want to.'”
"And he had a tear in his eye. He’d been my dads doctor for a long time (and a few other relatives, actually. This guy had been our end of life a few times-no fault of his own though!). I’ll always remember his compassion in that moment. It was simple, direct and caring."-MonsoonMermaid
"ER Doctor: Sit down with the patient and family. Introduce myself. Explain clearly in layman's terms what has been found on the scan/lab/test etc. and the accompanying poor prognosis."
"I then pause because reactions vary considerably here. Some people cry, some people are frozen with shock, many in between."
"After patient/family has had their reaction I ask what (if any) questions they have for me and reassure them I will be in the ER until whatever hour (end of my shift) to help them or provide clarity."-Fancyphones123
"I heard a neurologist tell a brain cancer patient once: 'Some illness have cures, and others treatment. We have reached the end of all possible treatments with respect to your wishes. What life you have left depends on will and time.'”-CriticalCareTaker
Here's The Plan
"In the US, we have an agreed upon guide at my institutions surrounding end of life care. Here's what we do, if the patient is lucid:"
- Initiating the conversation.
- Clarifying prognosis
- Identifying end of life goals
- Developing a treatment plan
"Actual conversations and details are tailored to the situation, patient, and culture."–thewaybaseballgo
These unimaginable situations are a daily occurrence for some people.
It's Important To Find The Pain Source
"I'd had scans and tests done for unknown stomach pain. The doctor came in and told me the results were back and the news was not good. Explained that I had a cancerous tumor on my bowel that had ruptured and spread to other organs."
"That it had spread too much and couldn't be cut out and chemo wouldn't make it fully go away. He told me unfortunately it was terminal and he reassured me that they would do all they could to give me more time and make me comfortable. At this point I began bawling my eyes out and crying 'my children, my poor children.'"
"He was compassionate towards me and gave me time to process it. Then came back later to explain things in greater detail once the shock had worn down a bit. There's no easy way to hear your dying in your 30s but he did an ok job."-SquelchingNoises
"There are actually pretty structured and formulaic ways to do it, but each person ultimately has their own style. Step one: hand your pager and cell phone off to someone else or silence it."
"Two: walk in, very clear introduction of your name, role, etc. if meeting them. Sit down, and don’t let anyone between you and the door. Ask the name and relation of anyone in the room. Ask if they prefer having someone else in the room (or FaceTime now because of Covid)"
"Three: ask what they know or have heard (I had patients outright say 'I know I am dying.' Or 'Everything is fine right?'). Ask what their understanding of that diagnosis is."
"Three: Warning shot and brief pause. 'Unfortunately, I have bad news.' Or 'I know we were hoping for X, but I’m sorry to have to tell you it isn’t what we were hoping for.' Pause. Let the patient panic, then they start listening again.
"Four: Be very clear, very direct when possible, and absolutely honest. Pause. At this point, I usually want to word vomit or backtrack but you cannot do that. The pause is awkward but they are thinking a million things. They will want to cling to, 'but this is curable right?!!'”
"At this point I ask if they want me to explain, give them a moment, call someone, etc. After I’ve explained, I ask them what their understanding was of what I just told them. Go from there."
"Finish by having clear plan for what happens next (oncology appointment, chaplain, etc.) and how to contact with questions. That’s my mental checklist. It’s a process."-ConEffe10
It's Not Easier For Vets
"Different perspective here, as I treat animals vs people, and thus I'm not explaining it to the patient itself."
"I usually tell people that we've reached the limit of what is possible and fair as far as curative treatment goes, and outline what they can expect as far as progression of disease and palliative care options."
"And, as I'm treating in a realm where this is a legal option, I also discuss what euthanasia entails and discuss at what point it will be warranted."-Moctor_Drignall
The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
"We knew my mum was dying and that she didn’t have long. It was one of her nurses on the ward, clocking off her shift just before 2 days off. She knew she wouldn’t see her again."
"She hugged me, and hugged my mum, and told her that it had been a pleasure to care for her. We stepped outside and cried together and it was in that moment I knew. She passed the next morning, about 12 hours later."-juneradar
"Hospice and Palliative care doc here Do it every day I work. I do it with straightforwardness and honestly and compassion. I tell them most of my patients say they aren't afraid to die but are afraid of suffering along the way. Most agree this is how they feel. And I get to assure them me and my teams entire career is committed to making sure that they do not suffer emotionally, spiritually or physically."-Idontsuckcompletely
These Conspiracy Theories Are Easy to Debunk | George Takei’s Oh MyyyThere are some bizarre conspiracy theories out there. Like Australia isn't actually real... seriously? Any conspiracy theory that requires many people to kee...
And it never gets easier, despite its frequency.
It Becomes The Process
"Not a doctor but a nurse. My last job I was the one you didn't want to come talk to you and I got oddly good at it."
"You tell them straight and make sure they understand exactly what you are saying because denial can be a hell of a thing. You don't joke. You be human and be upset too as that gives them permission to break down too."
"You listen and stay as long as they need but not so long that you annoy them. Answer any questions as best you can but don't give false hope. More than anything, be straightforward and be honest. That goes a long way."-rhett342
What An Awful Moment In Time
"They wouldn't tell my Dad. He took me and his sister in to see a CT scan and it looked like he swallowed golf balls the cancer (pancreatic) was everywhere."
"Dad asked about surgery and chemo and the Doctor just said it wasn't really an option. I spent the last two weeks watching Dad get worse and worse. He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and couldn't get comfortable."
"We managed to get him into hospice the last few days where his girlfriend wouldn't stay in the room with him so I would only leave to grab food from the vending machine."
"I had to tell her he passed. She thought he was getting better. Wouldn't wish pancreatic cancer on anyone."-Auferstehen78
How To Take Care
"It's never easy. You have to be sincere, make sure you don't give false hope but you have the have the people skill. Trying and say something like 'we have exhausted all resources' or 'we have tried all angles,' because it should be true and coming from the heart."
"Be polite and sensitive, not all the way, but to them and the family. Say you're sorry and that you'll try the best to make their time worth. Allow visits as much as you can, send them home, if allowed."
"Make sure you talk to their families and let them know they fought to the end, even if it's not true. Treat the family as you would like to be treated, as the family. It sucks but it's the least to do."-eat_the_canvas
"‘I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t lie to my patients. And although this is the first time we are meeting, you are my patient today. You are dying. We will do everything we can to assist you and keep you comfortable. Do you have any questions for me?’ My friend shook his head no. ‘Ok, then, the nurse will be in shortly to….’"
"Doctor left the room and I followed him out as I had questions. My friend was in the last stages of lung cancer that had spread. He passed within three hours. I had so much respect for that doctor. He gave it to us straight, but his voice was full of compassion." – friendofjay
An Observer Weighs In
"Not a DR but saw this on 24 hours in A&E and the person seemed to take it really well…"
“I’m afraid that you are really ill, in fact you are the illest person in Wales right now. We have tried XYZ but unfortunately they haven’t worked, we are going to keep trying whatever we can but there’s a high chance that you may die, so we are going to try and help you with being as comfortable as possible. We have your family here who are going to be by your side, I think it would be a good idea to say your goodbyes. I’m really sorry there isn’t more I can do”
"It was beautiful and the DR was calm, cool but also very moved and clearly very sad."-Hour-Cow-4348
Putting It Bluntly
"i took my mom to the ER in september cause she couldn’t move the right side of her body. they immediately took her into a CT scan and a white coat doctor walked in 30 minutes later, leaned on the counter in front of my moms bed and said 'we found 3 tumors and we think you have cancer”' i don’t remember much after that cause i was in shock and crying, but he basically outlined everything that would be happening from then on and then left the room. she did have cancer and she died a month later"–straightupgong
Being in a profession dealing with people's lives is an upsetting occurrence, and you have difficult things and situations to navigate almost on the daily.
Developing a system might spare you some of the more acute pain of doing the unthinkable.
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Reddit user Key_Nectarine_1969 asked: 'What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?'
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinatecatholic the exorcist GIFGiphy
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleiaexercise push up GIFGiphy
Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologisturuguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy
At Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy
Not The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343dating app GIFGiphy
If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.
Who doesn't love a first date?
The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.
Even those first-date butterflies are fun.
You're hoping this could be the one.
Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.
Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.
Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.
Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:
"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"
Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.
I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.
PromisesPlayers Association Sport GIF by NBPAGiphy
“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"
"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"
"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"
He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"
"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."
"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."
"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."
"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."
"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"
"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."
"Does anyone know you're here?"
"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."
Previously...canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy
"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."
What happened to putting your best foot forward?
My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.
"'My ex looks way better than you.'"
"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."
"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."
"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"
"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"
"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."
"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."
"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."
"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."
Be SeriousShouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."
It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.
Or do they really believe what they say?
Happiness is relative.
The idea that money can't buy happiness sounds good, but the reality is money can buy many things that contribute to our overall well-being.
And isn't comfort happiness?
Reddit user Little-Two6210 asked:
"F*ck 'Money can't buy happiness' BS, what did you buy that made you so much happier?"
"My rice cooker."
"I always bought the cheapo $20 rice cooker and they’d under/overcook the rice and then eventually burn up and die."
"Saved up my pennies a few years ago and bought a nice Zojirushi model and it has been amazing. Absolutely love the Keep Warm function and the little song it sings when it starts/stops cooking."
"I was so impressed that I bought one for my mom who also loves rice with every meal. First she said 'oh honey it’s too expensive, take it back!'."
"Then she used it and refuses to 'give it back'. These cookers are absolute workhorses."
"I moved into my sister's old house (family land) when she moved in with her boyfriend and just assumed she'd be back 'any day now'."
"Well, I slept on a 'floor mattress'/cot for a year before I accepted that it was okay to start making it my home, bought sheets, pillows, blankets, everything and holy sh*t it changes how sore you feel in the morning."
"Same, except my dog is a cat."
"So much this. I really feel like the only unconditional love relationship I've had in my life has been with my pets."
"I realize that's kind of a pathetic statement, but I'm grateful to have found that type of love in some way."
"My first piano. It changed my life."
"For me it was my first acoustic. I had been playing for a decade on electric."
"Discovering how to use tone- and the beauty that tone carries- was magical."
"Flight tickets to Barcelona. I landed, had a blast, contemplated 'forgetting' to leave."
"Wandering around the city, losing myself in thought in the Gothic Quarter, sitting on a fontain's edge at a square."
"Barcelona is one of my favourite cities. I rarely go there because the flight is rather long, but Athens is a good subtitute for a weekend getaway."
"I ruined my teeth thanks to depression and poor self-care."
"Money paid for my teeth to be fixed and my confidence improved so much."
"Walking is dope."
"I don't have a lot of money so it makes me so happy when I buy anything."
"Like the other day, I got sushi, it was awesome."
"And I got a beautiful comfy beanie."
"Makes me so happy I'm wearing it now. Keeps me warm."
"When I was poor, like super poor, anything was the world to me!"
"My set of cheap pots and pans from Walmart, my first tv (small but awesome!) my first set of not donated sheets, my first new pillows, my first set of new flatware, a lot of firsts."
"My own apartment."
"Feel like my parents, siblings and myself get along better after everyone got their own place."
"Having your own space to just shut off and not be bothered takes such a huge load off."
"Time—help with housekeeping has been invaluable to keeping a sane household while working."
"Services...which to me is essentially buying time."
"So paying to have laundry washed dried & folded has brought me more joy than anyone could ever imagine. Or cleaning service for my house so that I can do other things."
"I've actually noticed that I'm much less grumpy when I don't have to do as much of my own house work."
"I can be so productive with other things I really need to do."
"What is one thing that is the great equalizer between rich and poor people? Time. No amount of money in the world can buy someone time."
"We all have 24 hours days and we will all eventually die. The one thing in this world rich people cannot buy is time."
"So they spend their money conserving time."
"It's why they travel in private jets, have chauffeurs driving them around, a cook who makes their meals, a cleaner for their home, and personal assistants to take care of mundane tasks."
"They cannot buy more time. Only use their money to conserve what time they do have."
"The most important thing money can buy is choice."
"With enough money you can choose to walk away from a sh*tty job or a toxic relationship."
"You can still walk away without money but it’s SO MUCH harder."
"Peace of mind.
"I grew up dirt poor."
"But I’ve had a pretty successful career. Unfortunately, my family has accumulated a lot of medical debt."
"And despite me having a low six figure income, we were living a low income life and worrying constantly about money and spiraling debt."
"The state I live in is very conservative, which translates to a general stance of 'f*ck poor people', despite being one of the poorest states in the country. So it took my spouse, who is a textbook case for the type of person for whom disability is intended, 7 years to finally get approved."
"After that, and refinancing the house, we’re no longer spiraling further into debt. We’re debt free except for the mortgage. And we’re actually growing our savings account."
"I can contribute to a retirement account now. And while we’re far from rich, the sheer relief I’ve been feeling for the last few months is just amazing."
What things have you bought that contributed to your happiness?
We've all heard that love and work do not mix, and we've definitely heard that we shouldn't take relationships or friendships with coworkers to the next level.
Between having our work, our jobs, our income, and maybe even our reputations on the line, there's simply too much at risk.
But maybe sometimes, the affair won't turn out quite the way we expected.
Redditor Nuff-Do asked:
"People who had sex with coworkers, how did that turn out?"
Rewarded with a Trip to Italy
"I was a young Airman at my first base in California and I worked with a girl (let's call her Sarah) who was way more attractive than anyone my small-town Missouri a** had ever hooked up with before."
"For some reason, she was into me. She was into a few other dudes too, but at the time it didn't matter because I was 19 and stupid and she was a few years older and far more sexually experienced than I was. We had sex a few times and sort of 'dated,' but it didn't really go anywhere and I was heartbroken but cool with it."
"This was right after 9/11, so U.S. military operations were starting to ramp up and Sarah got deployment orders. They didn't tell her where she was going, but she was on the hook."
"Her reaction to the news was to tell our Chief that she was pregnant with my kid so she didn't have to go. I knew she wasn't pregnant and just using it as an excuse not to deploy."
"The Chief came to me and asked if I'd go in her place. As I said, I was 19 and even though I was a little scared, I signed the dotted line and told him of course I'd take the deployment."
"It turns out, the 'deployment' was to a NATO base in Naples Italy where I'd be paid about 80 dollars per day per diem on top of my normal paycheck."
"As soon as Sarah found out where I was headed, she called the Chief and told him she wasn't pregnant anymore and would like to take the deployment."
"The Chief denied her request and I spent an amazing eight months in Italy, being paid more money than I knew how to spend and having the time of my life."
Watching Them Move On
"We met thru work and dated for one and a half years. She cheated with another coworker who is married. We broke up. She started to date a different coworker. Not the married one. She paraded that relationship in my face."
"Everything was great until it wasn't. It really f**ked over my self-esteem and self-worth for years. It sucked that I had front row seat to her moving on."
"I feel that last part. When my ex moved out, she did it slowly over the course of like a month. She came over every day and packed up slowly until she finally got everything."
"The worst day was when she finally came and took her cat. I still remember sitting in front of the door and crying for hours after she left that day."
"There's a band called Pedro the Lion that has this lyric, 'My old man always swore that hell would have no flame. Just a front-row seat to watch your true love pack her things and drive away.'"
"When I kicked my ex out this summer for having cheated on me, I gave her an arguably unfair timeline to leave before all of her possessions just went outside, and packed and moved everything for her to the garage overnight, since I couldn't sleep anyways."
"This is why. I simply couldn't handle those constant reminders and wanted it done and gone as fast as possible."
A Messy Breakup
"I had resigned and was leaving the company anyway but it was one of those classic hookups at a company party. We had fun for a while but then she decided to stop seeing me."
"I'm glad I had left the company by then; otherwise, things would have been messy."
A Huge Theft Ring
"I got fired and she got fired and all 20 guys she f**ked while we were dating were fired."
"I got fired under false allegations because she was my girlfriend and she was stealing from the store."
"She got fired for stealing from the store."
"The other 20 were fired because it was brought up that she was stealing and sleeping with managers and other coworkers while in a relationship with me. They thought that me and her were the center of a theft ring."
"Like, no... I don't steal so."
A Promotion for Everyone
"So my wife of over 10 years, who had cheated in the past and I forgave her, got a huge promotion at work which caused us to relocate."
"I guess she got tired of me because she kicked me out and we were getting a divorce."
"Four months later, I found out that a co-worker had a thing for me, so I took my shot. The sex was amazing. It could be that it’s been a long time for me since sex with the wife was basically non-existent for the last few years of marriage."
"Me and the co-worker have now been dating for over a year and I haven’t been happier. So for me, it worked out for the best. And the sex is still great!"
Too Many Options
"I worked at a casino as the only male cocktail waiter/bartender (roughly eight cocktail waitresses and four female bartenders). The floor was mostly women between the bar, servers, restaurant, and dealers."
"I slept with one of the cocktail waitresses for a couple of months even though I knew I had a bigger crush on her than she did on me. I also knew I didn't really want a relationship with her for a couple of reasons."
"Evidently, she told some people and gave me good reviews. After she quit and moved away, I had more interest than I really knew what to do with and kinda just went for it with anyone who showed interest that I was attracted to as I knew I had no more than a year left there no matter what happened. I ended up with four more of them over the course of a couple of months."
"One time on a shift, I looked around and all four were on the floor somewhere. All knew each other but I'm not sure any knew about the whole situation, and none were any false impressions of a relationship as far as I know so nothing bad came of it."
A Family Man
"Not me, but she was working in payroll and he was a security guard. One day, a coworker saw the security guard walking her to her car. Immediately, she was transferred to another branch. However, they continued to see each other."
"Soon after, they got married after finding out she got pregnant. In the next five years, they had three daughters, with me being the youngest. My dad ended up passing away from brain cancer when I was just a toddler."
The Downfall of a Friendship
"I had one good experience one bad. The first one we ended up dating for a year and a half. We had a ton of fun sneaking around at work, and even though in the end he totally broke my heart, it wasn't a bad experience."
"The second one was very bad. Do not recommend."
"I thought he would be safer because we were friends, so I figured communication and rules would be no problem. Instead, we didn't communicate at all because we were both so worried about hurting each other's feelings."
"It ended badly with major assumptions on both ends and now it's very awkward and uncomfortable."
"It makes me sad because honestly, I just miss my friend. While the experience can be fun, I don't recommend it."
A Suspicious Relocation
"Pretty fine. We worked at different locations in the company the first time we slept together, but we knew each other as she had trained at my location."
"One night we ran into each other at the bar and one thing led to another. A couple of months later, I ended up getting transferred to the location she was at and we just acted like it never happened."
"After a month or two of working together, we ran into each other again at the same bar, and history repeated itself."
"There was a slightly awkward moment a couple of days later when I had to find a way to give her back the necklace she'd left at my place without anybody noticing, but other than that, our working relationship didn't change at all."
Messy Feelings Everywhere
"First time: super fun but I got more attached than she did."
"Second time: kinda fun but she got more attached than I did."
"Moral of the story: don’t f**k coworkers unless you’re SUPER SURE."
"We dated for over a year and then one day she randomly decided to break my heart. Thankfully, we had stopped working together by that point. It still makes me tear up thinking about her, though."
Best Decision Ever
"We had an instant connection the moment she joined the foundation I had been working at for a year. We worked at the front desk together and we got to know each other very quickly."
"Neither of us enjoyed small talk and we would get angry emails from our unbelievably incompetent manager about the amount of laughter coming from the front desk. We got all of our work done, and then some, our manager just felt like she was getting left out. Which our manager was, but it was because she sucked."
"I worked from home four days a week before my new coworker started and a few weeks later she asked me why I was coming in every day. I told her something about training her how to answer the phones, which she instantly knew was bullsh*t (we got four calls a day, max)."
"The first time we hung out outside of work we told each other it would be a terrible idea to date. That lasted for about 10 days. The next time we hung out we slept together."
"That was a year and a half ago."
"We left the foundation after she told our manager that her 'management style' was untenable in an email. The two of us then called a meeting with her and we laid out a very well-planned strategy for departmental growth and change."
"Our manager nodded her head the whole meeting and told us how proud of us she was for taking ownership of our careers and how excited she was to implement our new plan."
"Three weeks later, they fired my coworker. They pushed me out, telling me that they no longer had a place for me (at my review the previous year, the CEO told me herself that she believed I had CEO potential)."
"We both have new jobs, she is a high school English teacher at one of the best high schools in the country and I became a private investigator."
"Her dad and I go to college football games together and our moms get lunch and do spa dates."
"We have been showing each other how to heal and grow as individuals and as partners."
"Right now, she's sleeping in my bedroom while I type this in the living room. I don't know what the future holds for us but I do know that she's the love of my life."
"Sleeping with my coworker is the best thing I've ever done."
"Marry this girl already."
Redefining the Coworker
"Pretty good. We have a kid together. Granted we'd been married for seven years before we became coworkers."
"She always wanted to teach at the same school as me. The school grew enough that it needed a dedicated English teacher. She has a master's in it so it worked out."
A Slow Transition
"We worked together for a couple of years and became close friends before we crossed the romance line one night after a lot of drinks. Honestly, it was and still is amazing. Happily married now over 15 years with two kids."
A Bartender's Love Story
"She's sleeping next to me, cuddling our cat."
"Turns out our chemistry working behind the bar together was also amazing outside of work."
We've all heard that love and work don't mix, and that we absolutely shouldn't get close to our coworkers, but from these Redditors, it seems that while things could get messy, sometimes it's worth the risk.