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Doctors Describe The Dumbest Injuries They've Ever Seen

Doctors Describe The Dumbest Injuries They've Ever Seen
Alterio Felines from Pixabay

Working in a doctor's office means helping people when they're at their lowest. Sometimes, that leads to wonderful moments when the patient is thankful for all the advice and care you provided.

Other times, it means taking something out of someone's bum that shouldn't be there.

Turns out, that second one happens a lot more than you might think.


Reddit user, XxFireflyxxX, wanted to hear about:

"ER doctors and nurses of reddit, what is the dumbest cause of injury you've ever seen?"

For Fashion And Protection

"I had a patient come in with lacerations to her fingers. Her blender got clogged and she stuck her hand inside to clear it. She cleared it and the blender resumed....um blending. Luckily, she had long acrylic nails. This helped lessen the impact."

Bornagainchola

Giphy

I'd Rather Go To Sleep

"Guy came in after being concerned the bed sheet had stuck to his lower leg. Turns out hed been using a petrol mower the evening before and it had exploded. Full thickness burn to his calf. No pain. He wanted to go home to feed his cows instead of being transferred to burns and plastics. Man it looked like white leather."

DamaskRoses

Why Play Typical Catch?

"Guy was camping with his frat buddies and they were firing air rifles at each other with a baseball glove on."

"The pellet was lodged well into his hand. Like, how did you think this was going to end?"

Milesofstyle

Close Eyes Off From The World

"I was in the ER as a patient next to a guy who was brought in via ambulance because he super glued his eye lids shut."

"He was high as a kite, but so was I from the pain meds I'd been given for my own injury. Whatever meds I was given made me think everything was hilarious. I got yelled at by the nurses for laughing hysterically in the next room. He was being a pain in the a--, ER was on diversion already, and they were not amused."

brubarbal

This One Is Kind Of Sweet, But Use The Mailbox Next Time

"Not really injury, but I had a young man come in in the middle of the night to the ENT ER with a foreign object in his ear. It was a tinnie tiny letter from his girlfriend."

punkrawke

That's Why It's Called A "Dog" Toy

"A few stand out. Person somehow swallowed a spiked dog toy."

"Someone tried to reverse his circumcision by cutting more of his d-ck off with a pair of scissors."

"About every object known to man up the bum. 'if you like it then you shoulda put a string on it.'"

bsn2fnp1

The Science On This Checks Out

"Not a doctor or a nurse, but I work in the ER. We had a guy come in, a 70 yr old. He was disabled, unable to speak or hear. So the nurse had to write everything down for him, all he did was put his hands like horns above his head (devil like horns). Turns out this dude was higher than a kite. He had drank Fabuloso (similar to Pine Sol). Sniffed rat poison. High on meth and cocaine. All he wrote down was that the devil was telling him to do that."

theweirdox

Incarceration Doesn't Mean You Stop Self-Care?

"When I was nursing in prison, I was called to the cell of an inmate who had smuggled Veet into the wing and rubbed it on his balls. He was not a happy bunny. He absolutely refused to say why he had done it but his motivation must have been strong, I mean everyone else was smuggling heroin and mobiles into the prison, but Veet????"

killycarthief

Yeah, But, How?

"I've seen an internal vaginal laceration from someone climbing a fence while trying to see something happening down the street."

midturbinate

Giphy

Which Way Was It Pointing?

"I was once in the [emergency] unit with my then bf. There was a guy with a tiny hole in the middle of his forehead. Nailgun accident..."

Blabsie

Again With The Butt...

"ER Nurse here"

"-We had a girl come in and who knows what she was doing but she had one of the thin glow sticks in her bladder, maybe some fun finger/glow play during a concert? I don't know but pretty wild."

"-Also I had a Spanish speaking only gentleman explain why a shoe polish bottle was in his bum, we had to use a video interpreter due to the language barrier but it's was pretty wild to hear the interpreter say "I have a bottle of polish in my anus" after expecting him to just explain why he had belly pain. We also proceeded to print out multiple pictures of common types of shoe polish he used to ask him if it was "this one or that one". It was hilarious when he identified what one it was based on the picture, he had to go to the OR"

AirFryersRule

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Sounds Like A College Guy Thing To Do

"Had a university student who ignited a firework in his anus while drunk for the amusement of his buddies. It exploded, causing full thickness burns of his rectum, resulting in him needing a colostomy"

ArcofRiolan

A Complete Lack Of Understanding Of How Sicknesses Work

"Not the dumbest ,but certainly the funniest....for me. So this young kid early 20's comes in triage all panic like and nervous. Chief complaint was Lung infection. We bring him back and before I can even ask him his name hes yappin a mile a min saying hes gana die and hes so stupid. I finally get him to slow down and ask what happen. He just keeps swearing hes got a lung disease."

"long story short his girlfriend had bronchitis and gave him oral sex. she told him after and he freaked out. He wanted us to check his penis for bronchitis. I am trying my hardest not to laugh in his face, bc he was first off dead ass serious and almost in tears. Secondly trying to be professional. So I do the only logical thing. I grab my buddy also a ER Nurse and ask the guy to tell him the story cause its always better to get a second opinion."

"Once he hears the story he starts crackin up, I loose it and this guy is crying saying we dont care if his dick gets bronchitis and falls off. we eventually pull it together and tell him he needs to see a doctor right away!. walked his dumb-ss back to fast track and he was discharged in 10 min. lol fun times. ER triage is sometimes the best free comedy you can get. Cant make this sh-t up."

Dingleberryfarmz

Bums And Chainsaws. You're Going To See A Lot Of Those In The E.R.

"Giant potato. Up the arse. Apparently they were peeling the spuds in the bath tub, naked, got up to answer the doorbell [apparently with the intention to remain naked], slipped on another potato, potato went up bum. Apparently there was 50kg of potatoes in tub, according to his recollection."

"Dude with chainsaw, for whatever reason, was upstairs in house when they decided to fire it up. Save time apparently."

"Tripped down stairs with chainsaw in operation. Lopped arm off. Not sure what the real story was, but the idea of a guy tumbling down a flight of stairs, in a house, with an operating chainsaw, a tad chortle worthy, in that galllows kinda way."

kiwi-potatoes

We're Never Going To Make It As A Species, Are We?

"In addition to the multitude of ass-related banality, there was the guy who tried to kick an obstruction away from the lawnmower while he was using it barefoot. He was lucky they managed to save a bit of his foot."

aquila-audax

Wow...

"Operating theatre - this woman came in with a frozen chicken stuck inside her lady parts. Apparently she had a habit of buying them, inserting them and then pulling them out, as she really had a thing for going through childbirth, but on this occasion, she hadn't allowed time for it to defrost properly /adequately."

Mike_OxonFaier

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Doctors have definitely seen some stuff. Do they want to remember all of it? That's a question only they'll be able to answer, years and years after seeing so many things taken out of so many anuses.

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Things People Secretly Love But Would Never Admit To In Public

Reddit user sweet_chick283 asked: 'What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?;

Collection of VHS tapes
Bruno Guerrero/Unsplash

What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.

Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"

These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.

Good Clean Fun

"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."

– MrDDog06

"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."

– Bogus_34

Act Of Unwrinkling

"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."

– eerie_white_glow

"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."

"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."

– xdq

Our solo actions can spark joy.

Big Brother Is Watching

"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."

– Bec_121

"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."

– doeswaspsmakehoney

The Multi-Tasker

"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."

– thickening_agent

Releasing The Kraken

"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."

– therapoootic

"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."

– TheWarmestHugz

Ultimate Comfort

"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."

– crazyloomis

Some people are obsessed with collecting things.

So Kawai

"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."

– HavingNotAttained

It's A Staple

"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."

"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."

– _CozyLavender_

Not Caring Anymore

"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."

– Bi-Beast

"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"

– deanie1970

Honorable mentions start here.

The Savior

"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."

– sky_kitten89

Hero Of The Moment

"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"

"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."

– chris14020

Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?

Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.

As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.

historical reenactors
Sigmund on Unsplash

We've probably all heard some variation of the saying "Truth is stranger than fiction."

Real life isn't just strange, it can also be downright ridiculous.

History is riddled with moments of absurdity.

So ridiculous that people have a hard time believing real life is, well, really real.

Keep reading...Show less