I love a good war of words. There should be a game show based on how everyone cuts the deepest and with style.
Can you imagine winning a million dollars for telling someone off?
I could die satisified.
The perfect way to use language in an insult has become an art form.
Especially when people who deserve a good tongue lashing can't tell they're being rightfully taken to task.
Redditorda-noob-manwanted to hear all the best verbal slings we love throwing. They asked:
"What is your signature insult?"
I've deserved several good insults thrown at me. I can be a bit a tantrum starter. And then I write down what I'm hit with and use on others.
Brainstorm
Mrw GIFGiphy"You only have two brain-cells, and they're both scrambling for third place." ~ Iloathwinter
"This reminds me of: 'you have two brain cells, one to keep a balance while walking and another not to poop on the floor.'" ~ L33K0R
Impossible...
"It’s impossible to underestimate you." ~ FourYearBeard
"Those who deserve this probably won't get it." ~ jennybella
"I'm so gonna use that." ~ AbaloneMore603
Say Sorry
"Go apologize to the trees for wasting the air they make for you." ~ abspencer22
"Drill sergeant in basic training made a guy apologize to all the trees for wasting their air. About 30 min of him running around yelling 'I'm sorry tree.'" ~ BjagzTTV
Kill It...
"You are a really good trier." ~ Roadkill_Bingo
"My wife tells me this... we were at a wedding last night and I thought I was killing it. We get back of the floor and sit at the table and I go..."
"I'm really feeling it tonight, I'm not a bad dancer..."
"She says..."
"Oh, hun...you're really good at trying."
"F**k... I love her." ~ KamikazeFox_
Envy
The Shade GIF by PepsiGiphy"I miss the time when I didn’t know you." ~ 221B_OO7
"Or, you can also say, I envy everyone who doesn’t know you." ~ dr4gonr1der
Ok, now, some of y'all are artists. Artists of the insult.
Fido Lerwks...
Dog GIF by ViralHogGiphy"If my dog looked like you I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards." ~ jackatman
Good Days
“I hope you have the day you deserve.” ~ bigysmals
"This reminds me of what my grandmother would say to rude people, 'Well honey, I sure hope your day gets better.'" ~ milesunderground
“I hope you spend the rest of your life surrounded by people just like you.” ~ rawysocki
Bad Basics
"Wow, your signature looks like s**t." ~ whywasthatagoodidea
"I can't read or write cursive because i transferred schools before my past school taught it but after the other one had I still haven't learned it because I haven't found a need for it yet." ~ jershdahersh
The Great Battle
"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person." ~ Bizzlebanger
"It's is easy to win an argument with a smart person but impossible to win an argument with an idiot, henceforth I withdraw from this debate." ~ Grim75
"My favorite response to this one: then stop looking into the mirror." ~ blueavole
Ouch
"You are not being the person that Mr. Rogers knew you can be." ~ IronChariots
"Damn that’s heavy, Ken. Especially since we always knew he loved us just the way we are, had our backs, but knew we could be so much more." ~ I_Call_Everyone_Ken
Liar Liar Movie GIFThese Actors Were Perfectly Cast In Their Roles | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Sometimes an actor comes along that is able to reach the audience on a deeper level. The actor that immediately comes to mind is Robin Williams. Although it ...Relations
"Are your parents related or something?" ~ screwplease
"I said this to a kid when I worked in a toy store. His friend said 'is that what makes it so you can’t stop bleeding' and oh my God I made a mistake." ~ a**inyourpants
IQ Stat
"You have a room temperature IQ 'is pretty good.'" ~ BustyOgre
"I sure hope the speed limit is lower than your IQ, but I’m not holding out hope." ~ Patchy-Paladin20
PERFECT
"I hope you will have as pleasant a day as you are. Yes, I work in customer service." ~ Arazos93
"This. Is. Perfect. I'm gonna try to translate this to my own language and use it." ~ TheBirdGames
Crayola
girl GIFGiphy"I have nether the time nor the crayons to explain it to you." ~ crazy-jay1999
"When someone is giving a difficult time understanding notes I’m making for them, I like 'I’d use a crayon but I’m afraid you’d eat it.'" ~ Eljaynine
The Dance
"My expectations of your intelligence were low but damn, here you are, limbo dancing with the devil." ~ SwiftRoboWolfBlue
"Your version missed an important part of the joke. I believe the original quote is: 'The bar was so low it was a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.'" ~ MediocreHumanThing
Drop It
"You look like you drop common loot." ~ Ih8Evrythng
"Seriously underrated, that would speak volumes to any gaming community." ~ ExternalSad8524
Lead
"You have the personality of a pencil." ~ atomicrutabaga
"Maybe it’s the designer in me but i feel you could get really personal with this one. 'You have the personality of a 9b Pencil.' For someone really boring and really f**king wet behind the ears." ~ palov43075
fart GIF by happydogSo Low...
"When I'm in a place where I cant properly insult someone I call them an ankle, as in you're a proper ankle, it seems harmless but an ankle is lower than a c**t." ~ irishtemp
I just spit out my coffee. This has to be a game show. Y'all crazy.
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"What has simultaneously gotten worse and more expensive?"
So Much For The $1 Menu
"Fast food."
"I rarely eat it, but every time I do it seems more expensive and I feel horrible after."- TheSecretStuffs
Fast Food Cheeseburger GIFGiphyHence The Shared Password...
"Netflix."- Lazy_Adhesiveness812
Nothing I Couldn't Make Better At Home...
"Going out to eat, Restaurants."
"It used to be fun, now it's too expensive and the experience has become mediocre."- mojoisthebest
"Dining out for sure."
"Mid tier restaurants are using lower quality food, much of it prepackaged from major suppliers, prices are up and service is terrible."
"Many of our local restaurants have gotten away from table service and you order from a counter and pick up your own food."
"I don’t go out often, but I do go out expecting a decent meal and service."- Caspers_Shadow
gordon ramsay cooking GIF by Gordon Ramsay's 24 Hours to Hell and BackGiphySometimes Bigger Is Better...
"Bars of chocolate."
"It used to be a fairly cheap and substantial treat when I was kid, but they keep getting smaller and smaller and they're ridiculously expensive now."- eezgorriseadback
You'd Think They'd Have Solved This Problem By Now...
"Most technology designed to be replaced every few years."
"We used to design things to last."
"Now we design things to wear out so people keep buying new ones."- riphitter
Lucky For Vegetarians...
"Meat from the supermarket."- pretty_monotonous
Supermarket Sweep Shopping GIF by ABC NetworkGiphyNo Matter Where You Get It...
"Food, in general."- BillyBobBarkerJrJr
Renting Or Buying...
"Housing."- pineconewashington
Something's Afoul...
"Scented candles."
"In fact, what used to be the premier candle, Yankee Candle had so gone down in quality the son of the original founder of Yankee Candle made his own company based on the original premise, quality, and scents of the original candles."
"It's called Kringle candle, but they're not available everywhere, so unfortunately, Yankee Candle it is."
"Yankee Candle, while never cheap, were of good quality and smelled good."
"Now the scents aren't as strong, the candles tunnel way too easily (they never used to do that), and they don't burn evenly."
"Yet they cost up to twice as much."- llcucf80
christmas sniffs GIF by TargetGiphyEspecially In America
"Education."- Inevitable-Ad-6315
Especially Over The Last Three Years...
"Living."- Callistai
Things Ain't What They Used To Be
"AirBnb, Uber, Lyft, and pretty much everything else that has always been too good to be true."- CatherineConstance
When Even The Nosebleeds Are Too Expensive...
"Tickets to major sporting events."
"I read somewhere that going to a family of 4 going to an NFL game is like on average a $1000+ expense."
"Who in the world is paying for that?"- lUNITl
Jacking up the price of anything is an easy way to make people believe it must be a quality product.
Even if customers will quickly realize they did not get their money's worth.
"What's a conspiracy theory you believe is 100% true?"
Anything Found On Reddit
"I would believe any conspiracy theory that explains why I see a version of this question in my feed 3 times per day."- Longjumping_Ad_6988
Hold On To Your Butts
"Several years back, Samuel L Jackson did an AMA."
"He announced it a few days before and said he would read, up to 300 words, any statement that was the highest voted."
"The initial comment that was in the lead was a series of words for a gps system."
"Left, right, turn, 1,2,3,4,5 etc and of course motherf*cker."
"Halfway through though, another comment took the lead and ended up winning."
"It was a rather bland announcement that he was retiring from acting and taking up a life of crime fighting."
'Till the end of time, I will believe that his team said there was no way he was going to read a script that would immediately be posted to create a product that he would not get paid for."
'I am sure Reddit admins put their thumb on the scale to get the other comment to win."- frodosbitch
Samuel L Jackson Wink GIF by LionsgateGiphyMystery DNA Collection...
"When I was in middle school some group came and had every kid in the grade fingerprinted and mouth swabbed as a 'If My Child Goes Missing' packet for the children and parents."
"We got a copy of our fingerprints with our name on a form."
"And the sticker from that form was put on the tubes the mouth swabs would go back into."
"They set up in our gymnasium and the whole school of about 500 kids did it."
"I believe that was just a super easy way to get biometrics on the population before cellphones became popular."
"This was early mid 2000s."
"I’ve always wondered exactly who got that dna."- Equivalent_Seat6470
"I’m still convinced all these DNA test kits will be used/sold as a means to do things like deny medical coverage, plant evidence at crime scenes, population surveillance on a biometric level, etc."
"Got one as a gift once, handed it right back."
"NOPE."- nomadiceater
"The Candy Man..."
"The Ms on M&Ms have always been Ws."
"Willy & Wonka."- NorthernGamer71
Willy Wonka Smile GIFGiphy"Cost Cutting" My A**...
"All the recent tech layoffs (except Metas) weren't about cutting costs but about making workers afraid again and trying to claw back some of the leverage workers had been gaining."- boones_farmer
Maps Be Damned
"Bielefeld, Germany, does not exist."- Mikeavelli
They're Not Fooling Anyone
"Area 51 is where the US develop and test Intelligence, Surveillance, Tracking and Reconnaissance equipment, and the UFOs people are are actually new forms of surveillance equipment."- dazedan_confused
Area 51 GIF by MOODMANGiphyWhy They Didn't Release The Snyder Cut...
"DC makes sh*tty movies to give people comic book fatigue to spite marvel."- Season8isGreat
All In The Eye of The Beholder...
"That Contemporary art is used to launder money."
"Look it up. It makes sense."
"Rich person buys an art piece for $1,000, turns around and values it at $1,000,000, then sells it to a private buyer for 1.5x it's value."
"The buyer pays with a form of legal tender (cash) that cash has now been cleaned and is in the rich persons pocket, then he goes and commissions more art and repeats the cycle."
"After 5 years he has cleaned more money than offshore accounts, shell corporations, and high cash flow businesses could in 50 years."- Weird-Replacement-61
Bored Modern Art GIF by unimpressionismGiphySeriously though, who actually uses change?
"The 'coin shortage' is just a way to have us all move to using our debt/credit cards and digital currency 100% of the time."
"When that finally happens, the government will have full access to viewing our funds and income and can freeze it whenever they want, which would give them full power over the economy."- Tomb5t0ne
Who Actually Bought Baseball?
"Michael Jordan’s first 'retirement' was because he was suspended for gambling."- trojan_man16
What Else Would "Central Intelligence" Mean...
"CIA drugging US citizens without their knowledge to learn how to manipulate people's minds."- Xtrepiphany
cia GIFGiphySome people will believe literally anything they're told.
But just about everyone believes at least one sensational fact with zero evidence to back it up.
