Breaking up is hard to do.[rebelmouse-image 18345994 is_animated_gif=
And the longer it is put off, the harder it is. The deeper wound it leaves. Is it easier to be alone? Definitely not. But the scars left by others run deep.
u/Nocturnt probed this challenging topic: Divorced people of Reddit, what red flag did you ignore before you got married?
And here were some of the answers.
History[rebelmouse-image 18345996 is_animated_gif=
During a discussion, she commented on how a couple years prior she slept with a guy that she really liked. The timing seemed wrong, since I knew she was dating another guy around that same time. When I asked if she had broken up with the one guy before she slept with the other, her response was "In my mind I had."
History repeated itself.
Eight[rebelmouse-image 18348061 is_animated_gif=
My mom's 8 ex husband's apparently ignored the red flag of how many times she's been married.
Poor chap number 9 ignored them to.
Euphemism[rebelmouse-image 18348062 is_animated_gif=
She wasn't mean, she was "honest".
50 Weeks[rebelmouse-image 18346000 is_animated_gif=
Bad credit. I knew hers wasn't good, but I didn't realize HOW bad it was until after we got married. I mean RIGHT after. When we showed up, with all of our s* in a moving truck and the apartment community mgr wouldn't give us our key because she had a vehicle repo on her credit that she didn't mention. I had to call my parents from their office and have them wire the $ to the bank and wait for confirmation before we could move in.
She also lost her sh-t on the person behind the deli counter at the grocery store because her "quarter pound of sliced turkey was one slice over, she asked for a quarter pound and she wanted a quarter pound."
We made it 50 weeks, she called me from her boyfriend's house while I was visiting her parents (had her 6 year old with me) to tell me she had spent the night with him. I rented a truck, got my dad and some friends together, drove to our place and emptied it to the bare walls.
Don't All Mothers Say This?[rebelmouse-image 18345995 is_animated_gif=
Standing around five minutes before the wedding starts my mother says "if we get in the car and leave now I will never say another word, you are making the biggest mistake of your life"
Within Our Means[rebelmouse-image 18348065 is_animated_gif=
Insisting on a wedding dress more than i could afford. Refusing to understand it was too much for me
Crazy? Or Just You[rebelmouse-image 18348066 is_animated_gif=
If all their exes were crazy. My ex husbands newest ex wife found this out and reached out to me this morning.
You Know It[rebelmouse-image 18348068 is_animated_gif=
I married my first wife extremely quickly. She wanted to get married, I didn't want to break up.
The day of my wedding, my friends asked me how I was feeling, and my response was "Well, I can always get divorced. "
Don't settle. Marry someone you really, truly love and can see spending your life wife. That you'll still want to hang out with when you're both old, and fat, and infirm.
I'm remarried, and it makes the world of difference. When you're with the right person, you know it. If you don't know it, you probably aren't with the right person.
The Shaking[rebelmouse-image 18348069 is_animated_gif=
Shaking/drops of sweat rolling off me everywhere, even my legs, right before the "I do". Also telling, when the officiant had us say vows, "...and fidelity...", he repeated, "infidelity". Turns out he was cheating the whole time lol.
My life is better now.
Time Being Away[rebelmouse-image 18348070 is_animated_gif=
I enjoyed my time away from him more than time with him. I would get super depressed when i knew he was going to be home from work soon. I brushed it off as being "antisocial" or "independent".
But now I'm with someone who I'm still excited to see every single day after 7 years and I'm still antisocial and independent.
That Gut, Though[rebelmouse-image 18348071 is_animated_gif=
My gut feeling that I was marrying the wrong person, as I was walking down the aisle.
No More Answering[rebelmouse-image 18348073 is_animated_gif=
Answering for my mom. She was married for 20+ years. She tried EVERYTHING. Books. Therapy. Attempting to be the perfect wife. She had dinner ready after work even though he got out at 3 and she got out at 5. She cleaned the house and he played video games. But once I moved out he took out everything on her. He couldn't divvy his anger up Any more. She started spending more and more weekends at my house. The just before Christmas she left. My dad said she did a horrible thing to him by leaving and that I was betraying him by staying neutral. He can get bent. I haven't talked to him in 3 years.
Money; As An Object[rebelmouse-image 18347276 is_animated_gif=
Not divorced myself, but as a lawyer I have been a bystander for a few marriage implosions.
One thing I know for sure: If you can't sit down at the kitchen table and honestly go over the household finances together, you cannot remain married to each other. Not saying you have to actually do it, but you must be able to. People who can't be open and honest with each other about money aren't going to make it as a married couple.
Not The Worst, But Not Married[rebelmouse-image 18348074 is_animated_gif=
We were best friends with little bedroom chemistry.
Not How This Works[rebelmouse-image 18348075 is_animated_gif=
He told me, "You saved me from being gay."
Nope.[rebelmouse-image 18347304 is_animated_gif=
I was on bed-rest while pregnant with our son, due to preterm labor (5 months). I was told no sex as that could start the labor again. Even though we were living together and engaged, and the child was his, he decided that since I was not putting out, under doctor orders, that it was not considered cheating to go have sex with a 19 year old. We were married 15 years and he never would agree that he cheated. It was my fault for withholding.
When His Family Knows....[rebelmouse-image 18345809 is_animated_gif=
Before we got married, his mom said "If you ever get divorced, we will know it was because of him and not you." Huge red flag, and all I thought was "Wow, what a mean thing to say about your own son!"
Don't Trust Him[rebelmouse-image 18345637 is_animated_gif=
He was a pathological liar. The first thing he said to me was a lie - his age. He said he was 21 when he was 23, no big deal. But it was a pattern.
He lied about everything. Big things, important things but also small insignificant things. There was no rhyme or reason to what he would lie about, except given the choice he would always pick lying before telling the truth.
At first I minimized it. I was inexperienced and 19, I didn't appreciate how big of an issue this was with him. By the time I realized it was an honest to god problem we were married and had babies. I convinced myself that he would never lie to me. It was also around this time I realized that he not only lied, but he also liked to work around rules - get one over on the man as it were. Little things like not paying to hike in a national park when it was on the honor system. Big things like ..... well, things that may be technically illegal but everybody does it.
I was a fool. As time went on I would catch his lies but I would ignore it. No point in calling him out as he would deny to his death that he would ever lie about anything, ever.
Finally, after wasting 24 years married and 27 years total with him he left me for another woman. He told me he was working late. He told me he loved me. It was all a lie.
Do not commit to a liar. It is not a good life when you cannot believe a word out of your SO's mouth.
Compromise[rebelmouse-image 18348076 is_animated_gif=
Spoiled. Was smart and really had her sh-t together but had to get her way with everything, even if would have been easier to let some small thing go. She would put herself first in every situation. Turns out times aren't always good, and when was I wasn't able to give her what she wanted she found someone who was.
Live Alone And Like It[rebelmouse-image 18346867 is_animated_gif=
I literally didn't see it because the opportunity wasn't there.
I never saw him live alone. He spent most of our late teens and early 20s living with my twin brother and roommates (international workers from the amusement park who were good friends of ours), and I moved in after that.
The house (and his apartment with Twin Bro before that) was always clean enough. Every once in a while, I'd see him doing dishes or cleaning up.
Once we got married, I realized that he did nothing. He did no housework. Twin Bro told me to tell him what to do. I did, and he'd occasionally do it, but I couldn't follow him around and make sure he picked up after himself all the time! So, especially as roommates started moving out, the house became a mess.
Then the baby was born, and again, he was very little help. He would play with the kid and occasionally change a diaper...but all the extra dishes, laundry, shopping (with baby in tow, of course), and cleaning were my responsibility, along with all the feedings.
Soon, to his detriment, I realized, "I could do this on my own and it would actually be less work."
(That wasn't the only problem in our marriage, but it was the big one, and the one I feel like talking about right now)
Don't be alarmed: There are some terrible corporations out there (looking at you, Nestle) but there are also some great brands that are selling decent products.
I know, surprising, right? Maybe we've all just gotten used to brands selling things of questionable quality that when we stumble across something worthwhile it stuns us.
Hold on tight when you find a brand deserving of your loyalty!
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor spwf asked the online community,
"What brand(s) do you swear by and why?"
"Their cast iron pans..."
"Lodge. Their cast iron pans are super durable and can last a lifetime."
Not just a lifetime. Your Lodge cast iron will outlive you, if (and even if you don’t) take care of it. Even if they get rusty they can be resurfaced. And damn is it satisfying to resurface a forgotten cast iron pan.
Asics, specifically the Gel-Nimbus series. I've suffered from joint pain and unbearable plantar fasciitis from a relatively young age... These shoes are life savers. Very pricey and I don't love the look of tennis shoes of any type but nevertheless I will praise these shoes to the end of days. Hopefully, I will always be able to afford them once a year.
Glad to hear you've found some much-needed relief!
"Warranty and service..."
"Victorinox. Excellent pocket knives, multi tools and their kitchen knives are probably the best ones you can get under 100 USD. Warranty and service is top notch."
Anyone who cooks, but can't afford or doesn't want to invest in a professional-grade chef's knife should get a Victorinox. They aren't nearly as good as a top tier professional chef's knife, but they are night and day compared with everything else in their price range.
"This one brand..."
"This one brand of granola bars called Sunbelt Bakery. Every other granola bar brand is so dry I can't eat them anymore."
Yes, these are so good! An excellent choice.
"Dickies. High quality pants. They're meant to be work pants so they're pretty durable and breathe well. Very comfortable."
"High quality" is right. Those pants last forever.
"It helps clean..."
"Dawn dishsoap. It helps clean dishes and it's great when one of my kids has an accident and I have to wash their clothes. Sometimes leaves a small stain but no smell. It has saved so many outfits."
Fantastic – it sounds like you should be their salesperson.
"They don't use..."
"New Balance. They don't use slave labor to make shoes."
They are comfortable and fit well.
I personally still don't like the aesthetics of many of their shoes, but still recommend them to people who want a good shoe.
"They are a retailer..."
"REI. Stand behind everything in their store. They are a retailer but you can beat something up they sell and they give you a full refund."
Many people use them for shoes, for camping gear... all kinds of stuff. They're very reliable.
"I wear my Timberland boots..."
"I wear my Timberland boots almost every day, I’ve had them for almost ten years, and they’re still just about as sturdy as they were the day I bought them."
These shoes tend to last forever. "Durable" is the perfect word.
"One large bottle..."
"Dr. Bronner's Castile soap. One large bottle lasts me about a year and I use it for everything. No toxic BS in them like pretty much every other soap and they smell fantastic."
"Also when I say everything I really mean it. All purpose cleaner, dish soap, body wash, shampoo, carpet extractor wash, dog shampoo, it’s called 18 in 1 for a reason."
If you're interested in the story behind the company, the documentary Dr. Bronner's Magic Soapbox might be right up your alley.
See? Not all brands are terrible. After reading about some of these, it might be time to change of your buying habits.
Have some suggestions of your own? Tell us more in the comments below!
You know what would be great?
If society could just stop with arbitrary dress codes. If you're not working with the public, why should you have to dress up so much? If you're a police officer, then it makes sense that you'd wear a uniform that identifies you as a police officer. If you're Ted from IT who sits in the backroom all day, I really don't see why you have to come in every day in a suit and tie.
Let's just toss them out, shall we?
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor Levels2ThisBrush asked the online community,
"What should be socially acceptable but isn't?"
"Leaving the office..."
"Leaving the office whenever you've finished your tasks for the day."
This is why I'm so glad remote work is the new office.
"And yet, I get it!"
"Taking off sick from work, WITHOUT giving an invasive reason. I supervise a small team and so I see all the OOO emails, and for gods sake I want people to PLEASE not feel the need to explain in detail what kind of diarrhea is afflicting them, or how bad their period cramps are, or how much bad sushi they ate the night before. Just say “I’m under the weather, I won’t be online today.”"
"And yet, I get it! I do it too! I feel guilty or like I’ll be looked at with suspicion if my reason for taking off isn’t sufficiently debilitating enough!"
"But… we need to stop this. As a manager I don’t care, I don’t THINK the people above me who are also on these emails care… let’s just all agree to take sick days without any details from now on!"
I do not miss my retail days where I had to organise someone to cover me and beg on bended knee.
"Cashiers or workers who don’t need to be standing all day not having a stool or chair."
Another thing I do not miss from my retail days. Having to stand for hours and hours only to come home with my feet killing me was not fun.
"Prices on apartments..."
"Prices on apartments and their respectable reasons for such price directly on their websites or advertising without the need for a tour or any secrecy."
I always assume if I have to ask the price I probably can’t afford it.
"Being quiet/not wanting to engage in conversation all the time."
In Finland, if somebody tries to talk to you, they are probably a tourist.
"Choosing not to..."
"Choosing not to have toxic family members in your life."
It feels very liberating once you accept that you don't have to put up with it.
"Employees calling customers out in public for being a**holes."
Absolutely. Many customers get away with treating employees horribly because they know they can do it without any pushback... most of the time.
"The fact that I sometimes..."
"The fact that I sometimes need to take my insulin in public. No, Karen, I am not doing drugs, I need to live."
You’re getting that sweet sweet insulin high… the high of being not-dead.
"Afternoon naps. I’m on team nap. Give me 25 minutes to charge up and I’ll give you back 3 hours of high quality work. Everyone wins. Plus I go home with extra energy instead of dead tired."
Short naps don't work for me. I can't do a 25 min recharge. When I take a nap it needs to be like a solid 2 hours
"Salary transparency. For some reason, in the US, there’s a taboo or stigma around discussing one’s salary. This should be done openly and freely, with zero embarrassment or judgment. The only winners from avoiding these conversations are the corporations that are able to pay people differently for the same roles. Speak up!"
The "for some reason" you're referring to is simply propaganda on behalf of corporations.
It's evident that something's got to change around here, and we're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!
Have some observations of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
As much as many of us don't like to disrupt the status quo, there is only so much time a person can tolerate a miserable situation before things become so unbearable that they ultimately have to peace out.
For some people, it takes a while for them to reach a breaking point. Eventually, there comes a time when they realize their self-worth is more important than continuing to please others who don't appreciate them for the sake of keeping up with appearances.
Curious to hear from people whose patience ran thin and made a strong decision, Reddit Prestigious-Order-62 asked:
"What made you say 'f'k this sh*t im out?'"
The unwarranted reprimanding was something that was never mentioned in the initial job description.
"In the late 90’s."
"One time I got pulled into the Security office at a Department store I worked at. They accused me of constantly using the sales day coupons for people that didn’t present one (we always kept an extra copy at each register). I had watched my own department boss do it many times so I assumed it was okay. We didn’t even collect the coupons to be counted for the cash office, we just chucked them after use."
"They claimed I lost the store hundreds of dollars and had been watching me 'for months' do this awful, unforgivable crime for people spending 90 bucks on already bloated price designer jeans. I’m sure the occasional 10% discount was just devastating. 🙄""I got this huge lecture of how I was LITERALLY stealing from the store and they COULD call the police but would give me a chance to work off the damage. I couldn’t believe how criminal I was made to feel over it. The best part when they called my boss in who pretended to have never done it before to save her own a**."
"I asked if they were firing me. They said 'Yes and No. You will be let go, but you can choose to work off the damages so we don’t take you to court.' I told them I will just quit and asked for my last check. They said they will deduct what I owe from my last check. And I said 'Well then you need to show me all the footage and prove that I was stealing.' They wouldn’t produce footage, finally called the cops, and when the cops arrived, they were just as confused and called it an internal problem and advised them that this was overblown. I think they felt sorry for me. So finally upper management came in and just said 'just issue the last check, I will sign it here.' So much drama over so stupid a thing."
"It was sad because that actual day my Mom and daughter had come to the mall to meet me for lunch and I had to explain I just was forced to quit that job and was never allowed in that store again like I was some awful jerk."
"It was nice a few short years later, the entire chain bankrupted."
"A coworker waited until we were in front of a large group of people to start 'disciplining' me for something 'wrong' I did (I took my lunch 15 mins late to help another coworker) when she wasn’t even my supervisor. Applied for a job transfer the next day and couldn’t be happier where I am now."
"I had a piece of sh*t of a boss. He'd praise you in private but berate you in public. In front of coworkers and customers. Always about stuff that didn't matter."
"He'd also happily break company policy to side with customers after you spent an hour telling a customer you can't give them stuff for free, for example. Any time he was around, everything was miserable."
"My only regret is that I wasn't there to see him marched out by corporate when he got fired, because I had gone on to a better job by then."
Human Punching Bag
"I used to work in a Kitchen at a pub, it was grim work, but I had freinds there and had worked there for 3 years, So it wasn't too bad."
"One Christmas season we were being absolutely pumped, full out functions and busy services. My boss at the time was very stressed and fair enough, We were busy, We were all working overtime and full out. He used any excuse to completely blow up and absolutely scream at me for little to no reason, essentially him yelling at me was his stress relief. But fine, whatever, kitchens are rough places, no appolagies or anything, move on."
"I then go away for 3 weeks over the Christmas holidays and spend the time road tripping around the country having an amazing time."
"First shift back, not pleased being back, he makes a snarky comment."
"F'k this, Im out."
Even though these employees weren't chewed out in front of co-workers, the low salary without room for negotiation made them not wanting to stick around for much longer.
You Only Get One Job
"They cut my hours so I had to get a second job. 3 days before I was supposed to start said second job, my manager at the main job told me that I couldn't get this second job because I had main job first and I needed to make it my priority. That's when I said f'k you and left. I didn't even give a notice, I literally just sent an email saying I wouldn't be coming in the next day, grabbed my sh*t and went home."
"I used to work Retail and after 7 years at the company, I found out I was only making 50 cents more an hour than someone who just started yesterday. I understood if they couldn't pay me more and asked for a good schedule. 7-3 or 8-4 every day and the same two days off every week. I didn't even ask for weekends off."
"I was told that they couldn't give me a good schedule so I quit."
Situations weren't much different outside the work place. Social dilemmas prompted these Redditors to say, "nope."
"Went to a pub because a friend kept asking. When I got there, he was with a group of people I didn't know, so I introduced myself and got the next round. As I come back with the tray, I hear them saying something along the lines of 'why is that b*tch still here? I thought she was just supposed to drop off a bicycle?' 'Ya, we don't want her to come to <this other town with more pubs> and now she is drinking with us?' 'She's so dumb' *proceeds to imitate and ridicule me as I was actively listening and nodding when I was having a conversation with my friend."
"Gave the beer to random people and walked right out after saying good evening to my friend and briefly explaining I did not appreciate being tricked into being a bicycle taxi for people who hate me directly after meeting me."
A Shocking Incident
"I was on my boat fishing for bass. I casted out my line and watched the lure hit the water but the line just floated in the air. Lightning and thunder crashed and the line fell to the water. F'k this sh*t, I'm out."
"She lined my bed with broken glass put the blankets over it and I dove on in lol."
"Edit: She was violent/crazy and on drugs, was like the 20th attack I took and that made me really think lol."– MyLifeForAuir1
Ally For The Ex
"I found nudes of his ex (from ten years ago) that I’d previously asked him twice to get rid of tucked in a pair of MY socks. Our couples counselor asked why he’d kept them and he said, 'You know. In case I ever needed to blackmail her.' He said it like it was a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to plan to do. The therapist and I locked eyes and I noped the f'k out of there and moved out."
Most of these Redditors realized leaving their situation was better than dealing with the consequences of sticking around.
The latter is never a good option. Why remain in a scenario you know is already going to consume your soul?
The lesson for today is–Don't be miserable. Your sanity is worth saving.Besides, you would never know that something better awaits if you just don't get the F out.
As we enter into the summer months, people now have to decide whether or not they want their morning coffee to be hot or iced.
Lucky for them, it's delicious either way.
One could make an argument that foods that are equally delicious hot or cold are perhaps the best, or at least the most reliable.
And this can include foods which are not customarily sold both hot and cold (cold pizza anyone?).
Redditor NectarineOther4989 was curious to hear which foods people enjoy either hot or cold, leading them to ask:
"What is something that tastes good both hot and cold?"
Fresh out of the oven, or the next day!
Chocolate withstands all temperatrues
"Chocolate."Chocolate Satisfying GIF by HuffPostGiphy
Can't go wrong with fruit and pastry
"Apple pie."- Hak_Saw5000
This doesn't only apply to food
"Revenge."- pushthestartbuttonkarine vanasse revenge GIF by HULUGiphy
Let the flavor develop
"2 totally different flavors depending on warm vs cold from fridge."- nonkowledge
So many to choose from!
A matter of textural preference
"Cheese, ya fools."- eat_dontpray_loveCloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs Eating GIFGiphy
Under a hot greek sun, or during a cold winter's eve.
While there's no better smell than a batch of chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven, those eating them the next day likely aren't missing out either.