Breaking up is hard to do.[rebelmouse-image 18345994 is_animated_gif=
And the longer it is put off, the harder it is. The deeper wound it leaves. Is it easier to be alone? Definitely not. But the scars left by others run deep.
u/Nocturnt probed this challenging topic: Divorced people of Reddit, what red flag did you ignore before you got married?
And here were some of the answers.
History[rebelmouse-image 18345996 is_animated_gif=
During a discussion, she commented on how a couple years prior she slept with a guy that she really liked. The timing seemed wrong, since I knew she was dating another guy around that same time. When I asked if she had broken up with the one guy before she slept with the other, her response was "In my mind I had."
History repeated itself.
Eight[rebelmouse-image 18348061 is_animated_gif=
My mom's 8 ex husband's apparently ignored the red flag of how many times she's been married.
Poor chap number 9 ignored them to.
Euphemism[rebelmouse-image 18348062 is_animated_gif=
She wasn't mean, she was "honest".
50 Weeks[rebelmouse-image 18346000 is_animated_gif=
Bad credit. I knew hers wasn't good, but I didn't realize HOW bad it was until after we got married. I mean RIGHT after. When we showed up, with all of our s* in a moving truck and the apartment community mgr wouldn't give us our key because she had a vehicle repo on her credit that she didn't mention. I had to call my parents from their office and have them wire the $ to the bank and wait for confirmation before we could move in.
She also lost her sh-t on the person behind the deli counter at the grocery store because her "quarter pound of sliced turkey was one slice over, she asked for a quarter pound and she wanted a quarter pound."
We made it 50 weeks, she called me from her boyfriend's house while I was visiting her parents (had her 6 year old with me) to tell me she had spent the night with him. I rented a truck, got my dad and some friends together, drove to our place and emptied it to the bare walls.
Don't All Mothers Say This?[rebelmouse-image 18345995 is_animated_gif=
Standing around five minutes before the wedding starts my mother says "if we get in the car and leave now I will never say another word, you are making the biggest mistake of your life"
Within Our Means[rebelmouse-image 18348065 is_animated_gif=
Insisting on a wedding dress more than i could afford. Refusing to understand it was too much for me
Crazy? Or Just You[rebelmouse-image 18348066 is_animated_gif=
If all their exes were crazy. My ex husbands newest ex wife found this out and reached out to me this morning.
You Know It[rebelmouse-image 18348068 is_animated_gif=
I married my first wife extremely quickly. She wanted to get married, I didn't want to break up.
The day of my wedding, my friends asked me how I was feeling, and my response was "Well, I can always get divorced. "
Don't settle. Marry someone you really, truly love and can see spending your life wife. That you'll still want to hang out with when you're both old, and fat, and infirm.
I'm remarried, and it makes the world of difference. When you're with the right person, you know it. If you don't know it, you probably aren't with the right person.
The Shaking[rebelmouse-image 18348069 is_animated_gif=
Shaking/drops of sweat rolling off me everywhere, even my legs, right before the "I do". Also telling, when the officiant had us say vows, "...and fidelity...", he repeated, "infidelity". Turns out he was cheating the whole time lol.
My life is better now.
Time Being Away[rebelmouse-image 18348070 is_animated_gif=
I enjoyed my time away from him more than time with him. I would get super depressed when i knew he was going to be home from work soon. I brushed it off as being "antisocial" or "independent".
But now I'm with someone who I'm still excited to see every single day after 7 years and I'm still antisocial and independent.
That Gut, Though[rebelmouse-image 18348071 is_animated_gif=
My gut feeling that I was marrying the wrong person, as I was walking down the aisle.
No More Answering[rebelmouse-image 18348073 is_animated_gif=
Answering for my mom. She was married for 20+ years. She tried EVERYTHING. Books. Therapy. Attempting to be the perfect wife. She had dinner ready after work even though he got out at 3 and she got out at 5. She cleaned the house and he played video games. But once I moved out he took out everything on her. He couldn't divvy his anger up Any more. She started spending more and more weekends at my house. The just before Christmas she left. My dad said she did a horrible thing to him by leaving and that I was betraying him by staying neutral. He can get bent. I haven't talked to him in 3 years.
Money; As An Object[rebelmouse-image 18347276 is_animated_gif=
Not divorced myself, but as a lawyer I have been a bystander for a few marriage implosions.
One thing I know for sure: If you can't sit down at the kitchen table and honestly go over the household finances together, you cannot remain married to each other. Not saying you have to actually do it, but you must be able to. People who can't be open and honest with each other about money aren't going to make it as a married couple.
Not The Worst, But Not Married[rebelmouse-image 18348074 is_animated_gif=
We were best friends with little bedroom chemistry.
Not How This Works[rebelmouse-image 18348075 is_animated_gif=
He told me, "You saved me from being gay."
Nope.[rebelmouse-image 18347304 is_animated_gif=
I was on bed-rest while pregnant with our son, due to preterm labor (5 months). I was told no sex as that could start the labor again. Even though we were living together and engaged, and the child was his, he decided that since I was not putting out, under doctor orders, that it was not considered cheating to go have sex with a 19 year old. We were married 15 years and he never would agree that he cheated. It was my fault for withholding.
When His Family Knows....[rebelmouse-image 18345809 is_animated_gif=
Before we got married, his mom said "If you ever get divorced, we will know it was because of him and not you." Huge red flag, and all I thought was "Wow, what a mean thing to say about your own son!"
Don't Trust Him[rebelmouse-image 18345637 is_animated_gif=
He was a pathological liar. The first thing he said to me was a lie - his age. He said he was 21 when he was 23, no big deal. But it was a pattern.
He lied about everything. Big things, important things but also small insignificant things. There was no rhyme or reason to what he would lie about, except given the choice he would always pick lying before telling the truth.
At first I minimized it. I was inexperienced and 19, I didn't appreciate how big of an issue this was with him. By the time I realized it was an honest to god problem we were married and had babies. I convinced myself that he would never lie to me. It was also around this time I realized that he not only lied, but he also liked to work around rules - get one over on the man as it were. Little things like not paying to hike in a national park when it was on the honor system. Big things like ..... well, things that may be technically illegal but everybody does it.
I was a fool. As time went on I would catch his lies but I would ignore it. No point in calling him out as he would deny to his death that he would ever lie about anything, ever.
Finally, after wasting 24 years married and 27 years total with him he left me for another woman. He told me he was working late. He told me he loved me. It was all a lie.
Do not commit to a liar. It is not a good life when you cannot believe a word out of your SO's mouth.
Compromise[rebelmouse-image 18348076 is_animated_gif=
Spoiled. Was smart and really had her sh-t together but had to get her way with everything, even if would have been easier to let some small thing go. She would put herself first in every situation. Turns out times aren't always good, and when was I wasn't able to give her what she wanted she found someone who was.
Live Alone And Like It[rebelmouse-image 18346867 is_animated_gif=
I literally didn't see it because the opportunity wasn't there.
I never saw him live alone. He spent most of our late teens and early 20s living with my twin brother and roommates (international workers from the amusement park who were good friends of ours), and I moved in after that.
The house (and his apartment with Twin Bro before that) was always clean enough. Every once in a while, I'd see him doing dishes or cleaning up.
Once we got married, I realized that he did nothing. He did no housework. Twin Bro told me to tell him what to do. I did, and he'd occasionally do it, but I couldn't follow him around and make sure he picked up after himself all the time! So, especially as roommates started moving out, the house became a mess.
Then the baby was born, and again, he was very little help. He would play with the kid and occasionally change a diaper...but all the extra dishes, laundry, shopping (with baby in tow, of course), and cleaning were my responsibility, along with all the feedings.
Soon, to his detriment, I realized, "I could do this on my own and it would actually be less work."
(That wasn't the only problem in our marriage, but it was the big one, and the one I feel like talking about right now)
History is full of infamous disasters one can't imagine experiencing in their lifetimes.
The same can probably be said of our ancestors if they became privy to some of the horrific events that have occurred in our modern era.
Which are the most frightening?
That is exactly what Redditor dat_b_o_i asked strangers on the internet in the subReddit titled:
"What is an terrifying historical fact that you know?"
Remnants from the past still pose risks.
"There is a missing hydrogen bomb somewhere off the beach where my family vacations..."
"Tybee Island AKA Savannah Beach"
'The Tybee Island mid-air collision was an incident on February 5, 1958, in which the United States Air Force lost a 7,600-pound (3,400 kg) Mark 15 nuclear bomb in the waters off Tybee Island near Savannah, Georgia, United States. During a practice exercise, an F-86 fighter plane collided with the B-47 bomber carrying the bomb. To protect the aircrew from a possible detonation in the event of a crash, the bomb was jettisoned. Following several unsuccessful searches, the bomb was presumed lost somewhere in Wassaw Sound off the shores of Tybee Island.'
"when the USSR collapsed, multiple nuclear weapons and boxes full of vials of smallpox were lost."
– User Deleted
Nuclear Weapons Gaffe
"Since 1950, there have been 32 'Broken Arrow' incidents, out of which 6 of these warheads were not recovered or accounted for. It remains unknown how many such incidents the Soviet Union had."
"Sleep well tonight, my friends."
These fascinating historical facts might be unfamiliar to most people.
"The dancing plague of 1518, or dance epidemic of 1518, was a case of dancing mania that occurred in Strasbourg, Alsace (modern-day France), in the Holy Roman Empire from July 1518 to September 1518. Somewhere between 50 and 400 people took to dancing for weeks."
Kids In Battle
"during the paraguayan war, paraguay sent 3500 poorly armed children between 9 to 15 yo, wounded soldiers and old men to face brazilian army (20 thousand men), because most of paraguayan combatants were killed. the date of this battle is now children's day in Paraguay."
The Next Step Could Be Your Last
"Near Mt St Helens, in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest, and before the volcano erupted in 1980, there were areas where you were not allowed off the footpaths. This was because Douglas Firs, which can reach 200ft, were buried in ash in prior eruptions, then rotted away. So you could step on a relatively thin layer of old ash, break through, and fall any number of feet into what amounted to a crevasse or a well."
The following examples depicted some of the most disturbing ways people have perished.
"A lot of sailors survived the bombing of Pearl Harbor, but were trapped in their sunken ships. There was no way to rescue them. People had to listen helplessly to the men banging on the inside of the hulls for days until they gradually went quiet."
"Humanity's Greatest Horrors"
"I went to the Killing Fields and was depressed beyond belief but also became intensely aware of the significance of being at the site of one of humanity's greatest horrors."
Ominously Beautiful Locale
"This reminds me very much of the suicide cliffs in Saipan. Wild story. Basically during World War Two, Saipan was occupied by the Japanese. When word got out that the United States army was coming to the island the Japanese soldiers began telling everyone that Americans will come eat them."
"The people of Saipan and Japanese living there started to throw themselves off these cliffs with their children and families. I forget the exact number but it was a massive amount of people."
"Here is a link"
"While I was working in Saipan it was a crazy place to be. There is a wall with a ton of names on it as a memorial to those who died. Incredibly beautiful scenery with just a horrible past."
"in the warsaw ghettos they would pile up body’s of people that might have not even been dead. someone who collapsed could have been tossed to the side and be covered with other bodies, slowly crushing them and suffocating them. until they did actually die."
The thread was full of some of the most frightening events in history that still haunts many people today.
These appalling and horrific events reinforce the significance of why we should learn from our past so as to never experience what previous generations have suffered.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Fame is one of those things people tend to want until they have it - or that people shy away from entirely because they understand how sideways it tends to go.
But what about people who end up famous after their deaths? Or who managed to get more famous from the afterlife?
Reddit user GCanuck asked:
"Which historically famous person do you think would be most surprised to learn they are famous?"
If your mind immediately went to that Vincent Van Gogh scene from Dr. Who then 1. you're a nerd (me too!) and 2. you're not alone.
Here's what Reddit had to say.
The Little Painter FellowVan Gogh Reaction GIF by GIF IT UPGiphy
"Vincent van Gogh."
"His paintings made billions of dollars for rich people, but couldn't trade a painting for a meal during his lifetime. Had to be supported by his brother."
"It’s amazing how many pieces he created in such a short time considering how unsuccessful he was in selling them while alive. He kept banging them out despite his 'failure'.”
"He was encouraged to paint as part of his therapy/rehabilitation. He was a pretty disturbed guy, and not in a romantic way."
"Have you ever seen the Doctor Who episode about him?"
"This is what actually prompted this question for me."
"Most of the world has read your diary."
"Wait...All of my diary?"
"Her Father censored some of it because she talks about her body and other things, I can't really blame him for that. Modern prints are uncensored."
"She’d have been thrilled, but I don’t think surprised is the right word. She dreamed of being a published author. She knew that she was creating something valuable and important with her diary, and she wanted it to be published."
"I wonder what she'd think of her diary being turned into a stage play including a Broadway run and thousands of young girls doing their best to recreate all the different facets both good and bad of how she acted during her time in the Annex."
Herman The Whalebart simpson episode 3 GIFGiphy
"He had a few early successes with seafaring books, but Moby-Dick was a total flop that got bad reviews, and he spent the final decades of his life working in the customs department."
"He would be shocked to hear he wrote the Great American Novel."
"My boyfriend is from New Bedford, MA. Apparently the local high schools there had big murals depicting scenes from Moby Dick." "
*That* would have amazed Melville."
"Dude, that's the best part. You never know what's coming next. It's like:"
"45 pages of unintentionally hilarious interactions between Ishmael and Queequeg."
"30 pages of incredible, brooding drama written in stage play format for some reason."
"100 page essay about some minor technical details about whaling and how some village built their chieftain's hall out of a whale's ribcage."
"Another 20 pages of Ahab chewing the scenery and embodying mankind's self-destructive obsessions"
"Then Queequeg speaking his last words but then deciding he doesn't want to die yet and miraculously springing back to life."
"Like the ocean itself, you have to accept that Moby Dick moves at its own pace lol"
We, In Fact, Did Not Forget
"Hegelochus, an actor who mispronounced a word in a play in the year 408 BC and was mocked so thoroughly for it, his mistake has made it into the collective ledger of things historians know about and generally agree upon having happened… and we're still aware of it over 2,400 years later."
"Imagine making a meme today with a word misspelled, and others found that misspelling so egregiously mockable that you are still known for it in the year 4422."
" 'Oh come on get over it. No one will remember about that by tomorrow' -Hehelochus’ mom probably"
"He must have went to sleep running the moment in his head over and over again, but he probably tried to comfort himself by thinking, 'well, at least it's not like some space-age hyper-futuristic society is going to be discussing this thousands of years from now on their magic boxes powered by lightning in some language that doesn't even exist yet'."
"This is the worst nightmare of everyone that has been told to stop worrying because no one will pay as much attention to what you're doing as you."
"Counter point: Hegelochus."
"Kafka. Rarely published in his lifetime, and when he did it was in obscure magazines which nobody read."
"Explicitly asked that his works be destroyed after his death. It's only because his executor disregarded his wishes and published his unfinished works (which comprise the majority of his oeuvre) that he is famous today."
"Kafka is a good example of how much can anxiety ruin a person's life"
"Kafka wrote his stories to be shared with a group of friends like story-telling at a campfire"
"Blind Willie Johnson."
"He passed away blind, poor and sick, lying in the ruins of his house after it was burnt down."
"And his song 'Dark was the Night, Cold was the Ground' left our solar system not too long ago aboard the Voyager to be listened to by life among the stars."
"I really like to think one day-thousands and thousands of years in the future, an alien race will find that golden disk and hear his voice."
"I think the fact he had such a poor life but could one day live eternally amongst the stars is so beautiful."
"Found out about him through a VSauce video."
"I listened to a couple songs and really liked them, he had a great voice and had a great talent for playing guitar despite being blind. Such a humbling and inspiring story he had"
"I remember learning about this in a Vsauce video and crying profusely afterwards, but not only from sadness, also from hope, and some other emotions I can’t possibly describe."
"The fact that he died at the lowest of lows, blind, sick, poor, and alone, yet he very well could be the man that teaches the stars about the very essence of humanity… there’s just something so intrinsically beautiful about that."
"Humanity, flawed as it is, is as intrinsically kind and beautiful as it is evil. The world forgets that sometimes."
Other Madonnamona lisa oh no you didnt GIFGiphy
"Lisa Gherardini, the Mona Lisa model."
"She was just some unremarkable random wife. Fast forward a few hundred years and she ended up as one of the most recognizable faces in history."
"HER NAMES NOT EVEN MONA LISA?!"
" 'Monna' was a shortening of the Italian word 'madonna', which was the equivalent of the English 'Madam'."
Honor Well Pass Death
"This is the dead body they used in Operation Mincemeat."
"The man basically consumed rat poison to commit suicide."
"His corpse was then used for a British secret operation to carry fake documents for the Nazis to find in order to make them think they were invading Greece and not Sicily."
"This man died in a alleyway and went on the become a dedicated Major in the British military buried with full military rites - under his fake name, but still him in physical form."
"He was originally buried under his covert identity (in Spain where his body washed ashore after being deposited in the sea nearby by a Royal Navy submarine), Major William Martin of the Royal Marines."
"In 2009 or thereabouts his real name (Glyndwr Michael) was added to his gravestone."
"I thought he died of tuberculosis so it’d be more convincing he was a British serviceman who drowned? Or maybe that was the guy used to make the Nazis think the Allies were invading Calais instead of Normandy."
"It was rat poison but it's not clear if it was a suicide."
"The poison was in the form of a paste that would be smeared on pieces of bread; rodents eat the bread, rodents die. Or in this case; poor Welshman eats the bread, poor Welshman dies."
"It's not clear whether he knew the paste was poison, or whether he was just hungry and thought he genuinely found some bread lying around."
"Where the confusion comes in is that the guy in charge of Mincemeat claimed the body was that of a young man who died of pneumonia, and that the parents had given permission for his body to be used as it was."
A Real Hero
"A literal hero of humanity who in some ways is still alive."
"Her family deserved so much better though."
"Can I get a short version? I don't think I've heard of her before"
"Her contribution to science is and continues to be gigantic"
Laws Of Inheritance
"Gregor Mendel, the monk and scientist who experimented with pea plant traits to describe what we today literally call Mendelian inheritance."
"The significance of Mendel's findings, which he published in 1866, went almost completely unrecognized during his life and after his death. His work was only rediscovered in the early 1900s when modern ideas about inheritance and selection started taking hold."
"I can differ there. When he first stated his theory, he was sure it was correct (as it was) but was rejected. I can imagine him not being surprised at the fact that his work was re recognised as right later down the line"
"It's entirely possible you're correct and Mendel suspected that someday he'd be proved right. At the same time, however, he spent decades after his discovery trying and failing to elicit interest from the academic public or individual biologists, and retired from science to become a monastery administrator, which looks a lot like 'giving up'."
Okay, so we learned some interesting history today. How about you?
Don't you love a good myth?
Let's put some of NSFW ones to the test.
RedditorWizzlyG33wanted to hear about what lies need to be exposed when it comes to sex, death and all things over the top in life. They asked:
"If MythBusters had a NSFW episode, what would you want to see on it?"
Oh JamieSeason 1 Love GIF by OutlanderGiphy
"A five second segment where Jamie points at a diagram and says, in complete deadpan, 'This is where the clitoris is.'"
"If they did such an episode, I could see this being in it for sure."
"I want them to purchase every pill they see on the internet that would make their penis bigger and see what happens."
"I think we can call that one BUSTED already. In what version of any world can you imagine there is a simple pill to make your junk more impressive and every dude you know doesn't already have a case of 10000 pills stashed under the bed?"
"Can you actually get an STD from a toilet seat?"
"This is an interesting thing actually. It was a myth deliberately perpetuated to make people less ashamed of asking for STD tests."
"Fun fact: There are multiple STDs that can be dormant (like inactive) for years. Like several years."
"You’d never know you had gotten it. Then something triggers it, maybe an infection or something, and then you start showing symptoms/Can now test positive. So technically a partner from years before could have given it to you and you either think your SO is cheating or haven’t been with anybody in a long time. Either way it’s scary when you think about it."
"Does a person really stay conscious for a few moments after beheading?"
"There was a French physician who tested this in the early 1900s. After a criminal was beheaded he picked up the head and shouted the criminal's name. The guy opened his eyes and made eye contact with the physician over a period of 30 seconds whenever his name was called. Edit: I provided the source in other comments but here it is on the original comment."
Theorieslooking down homer simpson GIFGiphy
"Size correlates to what? Feet? Nose? So many theories."
"I have size 12 feet and a massive nose and huge hands and the little guy is small."
Oh the lies and the rumors and the shade.
More is MoreSeth Meyers Dancing GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"They did prove that women with larger breasts will get more tips. Which isn’t really not safe for work, because Kari literally was working at a coffee shop."
"If breast enlargements will help your job would you be able to write them off on your taxes?"
"How deep underwater are you still able to orgasm?"
"Pretty sure there's no lower limit. When you're underwater, your body is under pressure, but for the most part doesn't actually get compressed. Only your air spaces (lungs, sinuses, inner ears) are really subject to compression from ambient water pressure. There can be painful exceptions like air pockets inside a tooth filling, which I do not recommend experiencing."
"Most of your body is water or various solids, which push back on the ambient water pressure. You prostate shouldn't be blocked by water pressure any more than your bladder is. Source: am old scuba diver, I've done all kinds of things a hundred feet underwater. At that depth the ambient pressure is 4 bar, which in olden-tymes units is nearly 60 pounds per square inch. Also: fish do it underwater, doesn't seem to stop them."
"Does pineapple make your semen taste better?"
"Post orgasm clarity: How much better can you solve puzzles or remember something?"
"Well, recently I did a lot of reaction time tests on humanbenchmark.com and while normally I get average of around 140-145, after a good O I consistently got around 130-135, very often getting single clicks close to 120 which almost never happens in other cases. And it's weird because I feel more tired but apparently my reaction time improves for some reason."
Safety FirstSafety Helmet GIF by Just SecondsGiphy
"A take on the top ten OSHA violations list to see if they are as dangerous as they say."
"Safety regulations are written in blood."
Well that is a ton of great suggestions. Let's work on it.
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Many people value solitude, and having time to themselves.
For others though, loneliness can be a crippling feeling.
Having no one to talk to or spend time with can get wearying after an extended amount of time.
Something many people know more than ever after the global pandemic hit in spring of 2020.
But while some people simply succumb to being lonely, others will find ways to help them cope with, if not completely forget, being all alone.
Redditor No_Blackberry_6286 was curious to hear the different ways people have of coping with their loneliness, leading them to ask:
"Reddit, how do you cope with loneliness?"
Make the most with what makes you happy
"I've learned to enjoy my own company and focus on my hobbies."
"Funny enough, this gives me stuff to talk about when I am around people."
Voices in the background
"Listening to people talk on YouTube so I feel less alone in my house."
Millions of friends, just one click away.
"Chat with random people on Reddit."internet computer GIFGiphy
Still figuring it out
"I don't I'm f*cking miserable."- Savathunh
"I don't :("- __MashedPotatoes__·
Get my body movin'
"It makes me feel better about myself and I have something to do alone."- DerpBread69Gym Working Out GIF by Chance The RapperGiphy
Who says I need to?
"I love solitude."- Befuddled_GenXer
"I become one with loneliness."- thenewyorkofficesolitude GIFGiphy
Hit the snooze button
"Sleep 12+ hours a day."- RockandRoll682
Instant tension and relief
"Lots of arguing online about sh*t I don't care about at all, just to have some form of social interaction, and get off at least 3 times a day."-
There are very few worse feelings than that of being alone.
But it's also quite remarkable how much doing something that makes you happy, be it ever so simple, can elevate your feelings.