Divorced People Break Down The Irreconcilable Differences With Their Former Partner
engin akyurt on Unsplash

When marriages or relationships fall apart, infidelity is not always the cause.


Deep-rooted problems often lead spouses or significant others to cheat on the other person.
So what are these issues that drive a wedge between people who once thought they would be each other's happily ever after?

Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor Liam_Tang asked:

"People who've divorced, aside from adultery, what were the irreconcilable differences that ended the marriage?"

You think you know a person when you walk down the aisle.

These Redditors were in for a rude awakening.

Pet Neglect

"My wife divorced her ex for many reasons, but the final straw was when she went out of town for a few days, and when she got back he had not fed or given water to the dog. The dog lived a long and happy life after that."

– StrangeCrimes

Obsessed With A Crush

"Not me, but I had an old coworker that divorced his wife for spending their entire savings on candy crush and games of the same type."

– Hexis40

Compatibility Musts

"ITT: Intimacy (sex/romance), beliefs (religion/spirituality/politics), kids, and I haven’t seen it yet but it’s coming: finances."

"The big four. You REALLY need to discuss these things in detail BEFORE getting married."

– rabbiskittles

Cult-Obsessed

"She went HARD into new age spirituality."

"Like cult-type sh*t. Special robes for the chosen few that traveled with this guy, they held him up as this godlike figure and paid out the nose to travel to his seminars. She'd spend all her free time meditating and sh*t, like it was to such an extreme. She walked away from a ridiculously well paying job for all this as well."

"She up and left the day before my birthday to fly to Hawaii for a seminar with him."

"It was a short marriage and my second cult experience, which isn't much, but it's still weird that it happened twice."

"I knew her for years but was never really exposed to what was going on until we got married. I definitely wasn't ready and it turned out it was all kind of planned to rush me into marriage between her and her cult friends. I was 20 or 21 at the time and didn't know better and still had a ton of issues I was dealing with."

– [deleted]

When Wokeness Backfired

"I dated someone heavily into tarot and astrology etc. the most unstable, arrogant, and egotistical woman I dated. We got engaged. Had her tubes removed bc she never wanted kids. Started talking about getting pig tubes to have kids with me. Just outright weird. She was a narcissist. 10 out of 10 DONT recommend. For me at least. I don’t think people realize that when they start learning self awareness and become more 'woke' that it further enhances the ego at first, causing the person to only 'think' they’ve gained humility, which actually initially sets them back."

– schindlersLisst

Physical violence is a legit reason for people to peace out of a relationship.

The Flattening

"She threatened to hit me with a hammer."

– michaelrohansmith

Hitting The Bottle

"She became an abusive alcoholic. It was sad but I had to get out."

– diegojones4

Sleeping With The Enemy

"He was beating me and regularly explained to me in detail how he could kill me and make it look like I killed myself so he could get away with it because everyone knows I get depressed anyways (bipolar)."

– strawberriesundae

Self-Abuse

"She became a drug addict that got arrested for stupid sh*t. Including prostitution. Her last felony got her locked up in a mental facility."

– Mynameispiragua

Emotional pain is too damaging to recover from.

Truth Hurts

"She told me as we stood in front of the judge ending our 7 year marriage, 'I never loved you, I just wanted kids.'"

– Pinch_Dogs

Multiple Red Flags

"She had a personality disorder. She was controlling and manipulative. Also no intimacy. Our marriage was not a good environment for the children."

– gbook2

Can't Fix Angry

"She was beautiful/smart but an angry angry person. I thought I could be sweet to her and 'fix' that. Heh. She kicked the crap out of me emotionally. Wife II has been a walk in the roses for 32 years now :)"

– lowlandr

A change of heart is worthless if comes too late.

"We Could've Had A Nice Marriage

"He could not understand that my wants and needs were as important as his wants and needs. We tried to make it work for 7 years. During that time, for things that were really important to me, I tried explaining logically, asking nicely, begging, crying, yelling, passive aggressiveness... cycled back through all of these options multiple times."

"(If I knew something was important to him, I would do that. For example, he was really into sports, so I went to all his events, even though that is not at all my thing.) When I finally threw up my hands and told him it was time to get a divorce, he suddenly panicked and said 'What can I do? Do you want me to do half the chores? I'll do it! Do you want me to get a job? I'll do it! Do you want me to buy you presents for your birthday? I'll do it!'"

"So, in other words, he could have been doing that all along, but just couldn't be bothered. That made me so angry. We could have had a nice marriage that we both enjoyed, but no, by the time he saw the light, that ship had sailed."

"We are both happily remarried now (to different people) and I joke that his new wife owes me a thank you note. It was his experience with me that taught him to listen to her and take her needs seriously."

– Bluebird-True

"What Can I Do?"

"My ex was exactly like this. I didn't marry him but when I told him let's break up, he went all like, what can I do? Let's get engaged, let's look at houses, etc. Basically all the pre-marriage topics that we should be discussing about after being together for 7 years."

"I got so angry and straight up told him it's too late... I don't need you anymore."

– gudetarako

As much as a couple wants to stay together, unforeseen circumstances can eventually tear people apart.

Very few people can maintain healthy long-distance relationships.

When a new job opportunity takes a significant other away, would you begrudge them for wanting a better position to earn more money? Or is it better for them to reluctantly turn down the opportunity so they could stay with you? Do either scenarios breed resentment?

These were questions I've often asked myself with past relationships, and my answers varied depending on the person I was with.

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