Divorce Lawyers Share The Craziest Ways A Spouse Has Screwed The Other Over
I'm taking everything.... even your soul!
Love is a beautiful, life affirming experience for many. Some love stories are the tales of legend; there are movies made about love and music and literature, so you'd assume it would always be a beautiful thing. Think. Again. Love can also turn dark and cold and vicious. There are movies and art made about that side as well. The dark side is never more on display than when it's the foundation of a divorce.
Redditor u/DarkFander14 wanted to know about the times when divorce proceedings descended into madness by asking.... Divorce lawyers of Reddit, what is the most insane (evil, funny, dumb) way a spouse has tried to screw the other?Interpretations.....
I am an interpreter who works frequently with police and lawyers. The most out there thing I ever interpreted in court went like this:
- Ms. So-and-So, we know each other for a long time, correct?
- Yes.
- As a matter of fact, we have known each other for five years, correct?
- Yes.
- And at the end of each and every meeting we had during the past five years, we always agreed on one thing, correct?
- Yes.
- Please, tell the judge what we agree on.
- It's not okay to break in my ex's apartment and lick all his cutlery.
- Yet, here we are, Ms. So-and-So.
I died 😂😂😂. MsStormyTrump
Slim....
GiphyHad a client whose wife wanted him out of the house. I told him not to leave, just move to a different bedroom for the time being because once he was out the chances of him ever getting back in were slim.
He texted his wife and told her he was staying in the house. She called back and left a VM that she wanted him out and if he wasn't out soon, she would start taking out her unhappiness on the children, and would remind the children that mommy was being mean to them because daddy wouldn't leave. Armada5
So much fun for us kids.
My dad is a divorce attorney. His clients couldn't decide who would get the Labrador puppy's from a new litter they just breed. The pups are worth $1000 a pop. Well they also hadn't been up to date on their payments. So dad brought a litter of 8 floppy puppy's home as collateral for us to have until they could negotiate the settlement. So much fun for us kids. Rogue_Kat15
if mommy loves you.....
I was an assistant for a family law practice, not a lawyer. So it was already a disaster of a divorce because the ex husband was a fool. But it got so much worse when the wife started dating someone new with a severe cat allergy like a year after they split up.
Her psycho ex bought a cat on his time with the kids, except he's not allowed pets at his apartment. He sends the kids back to their mom's house with the cat and all its stuff.
Mom is pissed because she didn't want a cat at all plus her boyfriend is crazy allergic. She calls us asking what to do because her kids are bawling saying that she can't get rid of their new "sibling" and she has the cat in the garage.
Ex told kids "if mommy loves you, she'll let you keep the cat since daddy is not allowed cats at his house." drlitt
$3.50....
Paralegal for a divorce lawyer here. Our client told us he didn't clear out the marital account after the parties filed. Which technically is true, because while he removed $45,000 he left about $3.50 in there. cannabisandcrabs
She didn't want the dog.
GiphyHusband and wife divorce after husband finds out wife is sexting other guys. He goes into a deep depression. They didn't have much. Lots of debt and two dogs. One was a dog he had had since before the marriage. He got her. The other dog was only about 3 years old and was bought to keep the older (7 year old) dog company while they worked.
Wife demanded that since he got his dog that she got the other. He is depressed and just wants to move on so he agrees. She gets the dog and has it put down the next day. She didn't want the dog. She just wanted to hurt him. fingawkward
70%....
This one hits close to home because it happened between my parents. We had a family "friend" who was a lawyer and my parents agreed that he would be the lawyer for both of them as a mediator. So, as the assets were being divided my dad got absolutely slammed. She was going to get the house, cars, half his retirement, and an insane amount of alimony. To the tune of like $2,500 a month for the rest of her life. My dad has a good job as a municipal employee, but that was probably 70%ish of his paycheck.
Turns out that my mom and the "family friend" actually conspired to rip my dad off and make it seem like that's what a divorce settlement looks like. And she was going kick back more money under the table after the dust had settled. Dad just didn't know how these things worked. So, after some convincing he finally went out and got his own lawyer. He got a very fair divorce settlement after that.
Mom still to this day can't understand why we don't talk to her much. wowitsclayton
Joke's on her.....
My uncle's ex tried to work it in that she would get half of whatever my grandmother would leave him when she passes. Joke's on her, my grandmother is passing over her kids (not maliciously, my uncle is very well off and so is my mom) and leaving everything to my brother and me.
Oh, also tried to get sole custody of both of their children... who are in their twenty's. eeyousoonbaboon
The Affair....
GiphyPersonal experience, unbeknownst to me, my ex was having an affair. I worked a lot of hours, so I didn't pick up on it.
We had always dreamed of buying a house on a huge local lake to retire in. We literally started shopping for houses and even toured a dozen or so. We found 2 well within our budget, but would need to sell our house first.
My wife convinced me to take out a couple loans in my name and get a couple credit cards, again in my name, (most of the bills were in hers, and the mortgage was in hers) so I did.
I spent about $25k in CC and loans to fully update our house and get it ready for market.
As soon as the work was done, she told me she was leaving me and wanted to sell the house. p4lm3r
Evil.
I'm going to school to be a vet assistant, my teacher is a veterinarian. She told us on Monday she's had clients bring their animals in to be euthanized so their spouse couldn't have them. Smdh. himoto-liz-chan
Everything screwed down!
GiphyOnce had a boss who had to leave his house for 6 hours while his ex wife grabbed all the belongings she was legally entitled too. When he returned home every knob and handle was gone. Door knobs, cabinet handles, drawer handles, anything that was screwed onto something and used to open it, she had taken. Every day for the next week he would occasionally yell out "SHE TOOK THE DAMN KNOBS!!" JortsEnthusiast69
Left the pieces.....
Not my case, but during my first year of law school lawyers from different practices came to give us a peek behind the curtain of different areas.
The divorce lawyer told the story of rather well to do couple that spent months and months and many tens of thousands of dollars fighting over absolutely everything all the way down to a single ceramic ashtray. He couldn't remember the significance, but somehow it had come through the husband's family.
Even after everything else had been decided, they spent many more months and nearly $100,000 fighting over just this ashtray. Then, after a court hearing the wife finally won the ashtray. She promptly strode out to the white courthouse steps... and smashed the ceramic ashtray. Left the pieces all over for the husband to see on his way out.
Decided that day I would not be a divorce lawyer. 105degrees_andrising
5 of 9....
I didn't handle the divorce, I handled parts of the aftermath. In the divorce, she went AWOL, was living in a truck somewhere, and just couldn't handle it mentally.
He gave her five of his nine companies.
They were the ones that owed seven figures in payroll taxes.
He had made her the bookkeeper on paper.
She spent decades trying to shake the IRS for the results. Flintoid
"I didn't know, I was high."
I'm a lawyer but have had a very limited amount of experience in divorce cases. The first case I ever worked the husband shaved/waxed every single hair off his body in an attempt to avoid a court-mandated drug test. NegligentNeanderthal
We had a guy at work do this. Shaved his whole body, razor burn on the back of his neck, cut up his elbows. He was a hairy dude.... Then he failed the urine test. I asked him why he went to all that trouble and he said "I didn't know, I was high." IgotCHUbits
Only in LA.
GiphyA soon-to-be ex-husband left his wife's prized Koi to die on the doorstep of their house. Apparently the value of these fish (six in total) was over $100,000. She was, according to her lawyer, so distraught that she couldn't be in court. Only in LA. hansrudie
Milking it....
IANAL but work in the court system. Once case that came in was a couple divorcing on mutual terms, the husband had one child with her and the wife had a child from the previous marriage. He agreed to pay child support for both children, I guess he really cared about this other enough to support her even though it isn't his obligation.
Judge signs the order, they go to set up the child support account and it gets kicked back saying you can't have two accounts for one child. Turns out she's been collecting child support from the biological father the entire time and never told him. She basically tried to milk two fathers for one child... and the other attorney knew about it. Dikutoy
Silly Rabbit....
GiphyNot my divorce, but my divorce lawyer told me about a case she was involved in where both clients were so petty that they had to all meet to argue over literally every single scrap of everything. The final object that neither would settle on was a ceramic rabbit statue, a really generic one from Home Depot or whatever.
Zero sentimental value but since it was the final item, neither side wanted to "lose" the last thing and they dragged it out over 3 separate meetings for this one thing. I don't remember which ended up getting it, but once they settled it and signed everything, the "winning" party stuck it on their lawyer's desk as a gift and walked out. Much_Difference
Leave the Cats....
Friend was going through divorce from insane husband. He had been texting her pics of the gun he bought and threatening her. Police were called. Nothing they could do because it was 'only a picture'. He was staying with a secret girlfriend at this point. She allowed him to go get his stuff from the house. She was scared to go back in the house alone. I went with her. First red flag was he had changed the locks.
So we waited for locksmith to open the house and change the locks again. Well, when the door opens... we noticed all of the furniture was gone. So we carefully went upstairs in search of her cats. The entire second floor was empty. No cats. No furniture. Even her clothes were gone. Come to find out he hired a moving company to pack and take everything, even the food in the fridge. Finally found the cats.
He had taken them to another vet in town and put them up for boarding under his sister's name thinking she would not be able to find them. He was finally forced to disclose what happened to her possessions. He had them taken to a storage unit far away from the home. JillAustin
-10 degrees
Divorce lawyer here. Spouse had been out of the house for weeks. She waited until he was on a business trip, came into the house, turned on all of the faucets, plugged the drains, turned off the furnace, and left. It was -10 degrees. He came back five days later. The house was ruined. The water froze and cracked the foundation. Slagathar1
Shady.... shady....
GiphyI'm not a divorce lawyer but my parents got divorced about a year ago. My mum didn't want my dad to show up in court because he would contest and then they'd have to split the assets. She phoned me and told me to put laxatives in his food so he wouldn't be able to make it there. She kept screaming at me, commanding me to but I refused. It's one of the reasons that she hates me now lol. Tittybean22
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
People Who Stayed With A Cheater Describe The Aftermath
Reddit user Menezeris3029 asked: 'People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?'
There are a lot of sayings about human nature that address bad behavior in a relationship.
One such idiom is "a leopard can't change its spots." Another is "once a cheater, always a cheater."
But is that really accurate?
Can a significant other cheat just once and never again? And even if they can, is the relationship ever truly healed?
Reddit user Menezeris3029 asked:
"People who have stayed in a relationship after their partner cheated. How was it like after?"
Projecting And Gaslighting
"It was super short-lived because of the hardcore projecting."
"Because she cheated, she assumed that I was going to cheat with all my women friends. She became super controlling and didn't want me to have any women friends."
"I ended up leaving because my friendships were more important than a broken relationship."
~ Ookimow
"It's in fact so common that people who baselessly accuse others of cheating are almost always cheating and projecting it on their partner."
"Every time I had been cheated on, this is the trigger that made me realize it was going on in the first place and was easily able to find proof."
"They out themselves."
~ PsionicKitten
"My ex husband tried to get me to go to therapy. And don’t get me wrong, I needed it and should have gone, to get the self-worth to leave his a**."
"But my point was, if you won’t stop cheating on me why waste money on therapy lmao‽‽ It’s like sitting in the ER while someone is stabbing you in the back."
"He swore on everything we had he wasn’t cheating on me again."
"Yeah…..he was the whole time."
~ WillBsGirl
Regrets, I Have A Few
"I really truly believed I would rise from it and forgive him, get over it, and come out of it stronger."
"It was never the same. I lost that trust and I couldn’t get it back. And eventually, I stopped caring to want it back."
"It was a 7 year relationship & although I don’t regret it, I sometimes wish I knew to walk out sooner."
"But it made me realize what I really deserve and it led me to the forever man in my life who treats me so well and loves me and honours our commitment."
~ backandforthlosing
"This got me in my soul!"
"My soon to be ex is not violent, he's grown into a lovely man, just not the one for me after what happened."
"I've just cracked my early 30s so I'm calling this my quarter life crisis and moving on...a lot of those things you have said resonated so much!"
~ Puzzleheaded-Ad-9724
"Reasons for not leaving—Fear, isolation, guilt, not wanting to hurt the person you love most in the world, even though they hurt you. Not wanting to lose them."
"It’s hard to let them go, because you have to let go of a part of yourself too and the life you thought you were building together. It is so hard to accept that it was all just an illusion."
"After some time passes, you try to put what happened at the back of your mind as a survival mechanism, and then your partner assumes that you have forgiven them because you no longer appear to be preoccupied with it."
"Sex also complicates things because some cheaters think that resuming sex equals their partner has moved on and are not upset any longer."
"You keep quiet and bottle up emotions to keep the peace, but at a severe detriment to your mental health and well being."
"This is where I am currently with my relationship. I am just trying to get through one day at a time until I gather enough strength to move forward."
"I too hope to wake up one day and say, 'FUK THIS!' I have known about the infidelity since 2021."
~ lunarmantra
Never The Same
"Happened in 2010, part of a mental breakdown on their side. Stood by and watched my world fall apart with a young child to look after."
"I believe in the vows I took when I got married, especially in sickness & in health. 13 years later, still married, perhaps stronger than ever but it still hurts."
"The pain numbs down over time from a glowing ball the size of the sun to a little pin prick of light but it still burns."
"I’m glad we stayed together, child is now a happy and rounded young lady—enjoying the world and her life ahead of her."
"We are now 26 years together so if any of you are reading this, good can come from bad, life does go on, listen to your heart but don’t ever get mugged off."
~ oldskoolplayaR1
"Caught her in an 'emotional' affair early on in our relationship."
"Both her and him told me it was a mistake and he apologized and told me it was over."
"I believed it all."
"However I will admit that it bubbled up during arguments over other issues because of how betrayed I felt."
"It weighed on me to the point where she told me I needed to see a therapist to get over it. I went to 3 of them over a period of the next 4 years."
"We went as a couple maybe a year after that."
"Flash forward another 2 years…I found the texts and pics."
"It never ended and it only grew. The entire time she told me to get counseling. The entire time we were in counseling together."
"The entire time I worked 2 jobs and 7 days a week because she lost her job and took a year off and I picked up the slack."
"You do not recover."
~ justaguylookinghappy
Tick, Tick, Tick...
"A ticking time bomb."
~ Ratakoa
"Yep. We spent a year trying to recover, then had 2 good years..."
"Then he cheated again... I think in the back of my mind I was just waiting the whole time for it to happen again."
~ naturally_eva
"This! Every single day, this is what's in the back of my mind and yup, waiting for it to happen again and hoping, at the same time, that it won't."
~ ahuh_itzme
"Ex wife was the same. We tried again, but she just had to get back in contact with him… lasted ten months, but only eight before she’d started seeing him again."
"It was a 12 year relationship for us, with most of that married. I don’t think she actually stopped seeing him really, looking back."
"When I started seeing a new girl, my ex wife tried to seduce me! Erm, no."
~ CabinetOk4838
"Shoot, mine never even stopped seeing the other guy. She swore up and down she wanted to stay together and it was all a mistake—so I laid out some very simple rules for moving forward, starting with no more contact with the guy."
"She never stopped."
"To this day I dont know what she was thinking. She just kept on trying to see us both. This was a 10 year marriage with kids, too."
"About a year into the divorce, she straight up moved 500 miles away (by herself), became a drug addict, and her entire life fell apart. Got arrested for felony drug possession etc..."
"Most bizarre complete self destruction I've ever seen in real life."
~ alonjar
If They'll Cheat With You...
"One of my buddies dated a girl once that cheated to be with him. Then after awhile she cheated on him too."
"He was so shocked."
"But I was like, bro, she cheated on someone to get with you. Her cheating on you to get with someone else shouldn’t be a surprise."
~ travworld
The Other Side
"That's not always true. I cheated once. It destroyed the person I love, and it sent me into a 2 year spiral of depression and anxiety that I had to be hospitalized for twice."
"I'll NEVER, EVER make that mistake again. People can learn from their past mistakes."
"That being said, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is true more often than it isn't - and that's quite sad."
"I just won't be one ever again. Absolutely not worth ANY of it."
~ reflUX_cAtalyst
The decision to stay with someone who has broken your trust is an individual one.
Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like there are many happy endings for couples after one partner cheats.
When I was in college, my friends and I went to Starbucks one December night. We had just taken the hardest of our finals and knew we did a terrible job and decided to go to Starbucks to cheer ourselves up.
One of my friends ordered a latte while my other friend and I ordered frappuccinos. The barista got super offended that we would have the audacity to order cold drinks on a cold night. She told us we should be ashamed of ourselves for making her make cold drinks on a cold night. Seriously!
I almost changed my order, but luckily, another barista came over to take care of us. As she put in our orders, she said the original barista we dealt with always judged people's orders and we should just ignore her.
This wasn't the last time we were judged by this barista, but we learned to ignore her opinions.
She is not the only person to get offended by something ridiculous or completely inoffensive. Redditors know this all to well and are eager to share their stories.
It all started when Redditor AdRealistic878 asked:
"What is the most ridiculous thing you've seen someone get offended by?"
A Greeting Is A Greeting...Or Not
"I had a boss get mad at me because when she said "Good morning" I responded with "Hello.""
"She got in my face and said "No.... I said 'Good morning'. Say it back.'"
"I didn't stay there long lol"
– isabelstclairs
"This reminds me of a time I was riding my bike early one morning. I was going up a steep hill, breathing hard, and a jogger running past me down the hill called out "good morning". I just nodded in their direction and continued my slog."
"The jogger stopped and yelled "hey, I said good morning!" I still can't understand the sense of entitlement, that somehow I owe them a verbal return of their greeting despite the obvious circumstances."
– FrightenedOfSpoons
"This reminds me of the first time I went backpacking. I was going up a steep subalpine mountain side on a trail that was basically a ladder made of rocks. I was breathing hard. Two men were coming down and gave a cheery “hello”. I said “hi” all redfaced and out of breath. One of them looked so offended."
– GogoYubari92
Not My Fault!
"When I worked at McDonald’s they discontinued the smartie McFlurry for a short time. When explaining to anyone who ordered one, you’d have thought I threatened their family or something with how offended people were."
– SarcastiKatt
Speak My Language
"I've seen people get very offended by a South Welsh accent. Accusing people of being racist and faking Indian accents when they're just speaking in their native accent."
"The internet is wild."
– Broshida
Freedom Of Speech?
"I was out for lunch with a colleague at a local pub and we were discussing a news story from the morning about a bus crash."
"A woman on a nearby table took great offence to this and stormed over to us and demanded we stop talking about it in public."
"We both just stared at her, not entirely sure if she was serious."
"She was."
"We carried on discussing it and she flounced out."
– ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN
Just Trying To Help
"I politely and quietly told a woman on line at the pharmacy that the price tag was still hanging on her jacket sleeve. She went on a long loud rant about my bad behavior."
– VosTutZich
"This is why mom taught me Don't talk to strangers."
– UnicornSlayer5000
Spoilers
"I got yelled at for ‘spoiling’ the Tudors. Like my god."
– altdultosaurs
"Imagine being that uneducated that you think someone is "spoiling" the Tudors."
– narniasreal
"Making a joke about Ann Boleyn. Apparently, it was too soon."
"I wish I were joking."
– LadyoftheHounds
"Woah, people are still losing their head over it?"
– SpittinImageofLlama
This Is Nuts!
"Not me, but the Korean Nut Rage incident. The Vice President of Korean Air (daughter of the CEO) was in first class and got furious that she was served nuts (like the peanuts you get on a flight) in a packaged bag rather than a wooden bowl. She made the captain kneel and beg for forgiveness and hit him, then forced the plane to return to the gate since she'd just fired the captain. Crazy stuff."
– FancifulPeaches
Well, Obviously!
"Me growing a beard. According to my brother's mother-in-law, only junkies grow beards, and that's so they can hide their drugs in it. I kid you not!"
– Grunthos_Flatulent
Watch Out!
"I was standing with my trolley waiting & had a lady freak out “You’re going to hit my son!”. I wasn’t even moving so it was a huge overreaction, but I understood that her small son may be hidden from my view behind the trolley & she was making sure he doesn’t get hit when I do move whilst not realising he’s there."
"I looked for him but couldn’t see anything. She continued to freak out at me “Don’t hit my son!” & physically restraining my trolley which is not moving."
"It turned out she meant the adult male next to her scanning things at the self scan till. I wasn’t going to hit him anymore than any fully grown adult in the supermarket."
– stowberry
Don't Lose Your Hair!
"My kid has very curly hair. When said kid was about three years old, a random woman started berating me in public because my kid’s hair was curly. She was convinced I’d had it permed, and how horrible to do that to an innocent 3 year old. I was the worst parent ever. Apparently she’d never seen someone with naturally curly hair before?!"
– Frozen_Feet
Stay Seated
"Being offered a seat on a crowded subway. I offered a woman who was 30 years older than i was my seat . She flew into a tirade yelling nonsense."
– rayneglyons
Talk About An Overreaction!
"I’m a Vet Tech, and people will LOSE THEIR SHIT if you misgender their pets. Jesus Christ. 🤦🏻 The folks who get the most offended are:"
"1. The ones who have chosen to name their male dogs a classically effeminate name."
"2. The ones who have chosen to name their female dogs a classically masculine name."
"Had a guy walk into our animal hospital with his Briard a few weeks ago. Wasn’t a known client/patient, so we asked what the dog’s name was. He responded with “Joy.” Kept talking to the guy about our services when Joy put their paws up on the counter to look at us. I said, “do you have a question, sweet girl?” Dude recoiled like I’d just uppercut his dog through the ceiling and roars, “HE’S a BOY” before dragging the dog out the door in a huff."
– ItsStrib1978
Taylor Swift was right: You need to calm down!
People Divulge Secrets They're Afraid To Tell Their Significant Other
Trust is key to any relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic or even just professional.
But does establishing and maintaining trust require full disclosure at all times?
In professional and platonic relationships, some mystery is understandable. Your friends and especially your coworkers don't need to be all up in your personal life.
But what about a significant other? Is there ever a reason to keep secrets from your sig-o?
Reddit user _Brunonono_ asked:
"What's something you can't tell your partner for fear of upsetting them?'
No Malice Intended
"The first piece of jewelery I bought my wife was a necklace. We went on holiday and she lost it."
"I said I would replace it but it wasn’t the same, she was upset that she’d lost it for sentimental reasons."
"I emailed the hotel and of course they hadn’t found it. So I bought a replacement and told my wife they found it."
~ EnzokuhleLesedi
"My wife has a beautiful heart."
"I jokingly call her a Disney princess because any animal that she comes across she has to talk to, and greet. She has cried by seeing a dead raccoon on the side of the road before."
"At the time, I was working day shift and she was working a swing shift."
"I had a busy day, but I saw she sent me some pictures of a young doe that was eating in our front yard. She seemed thrilled."
"I came home and saw the same deer!"
Giphy"Dead."
"On my god damned porch."
"I felt like I started to hear 'the first 48' theme playing as I realized I have six hours to get rid of this thing before my wife gets home and her world is shattered.
"I call my local city authorities thinking they wouldn’t want a dead animal in the middle of town. Turns out, they couldn’t care less."
"I called some local raptor shelters to see if they could take a stat donation but it turns out the dead deer business is booming and they didn’t have a need for donations at this time, especially in the next 6 hours."
"Frustrated, I call my dad to vent and get advice on what to do."
"His response is only a 'Hold on bud, I’ll be there in 15 minutes'.”
"I go back inside to take care of the dogs and within the next 15 minutes I see me dad back his huge truck into my back yard, has the tail gait down and is knocking on my door with a pair of nitrile gloves on and another pair in hand for me."
"It was starting to get dark out, but we had that thing loaded up and found a special place to, uh... dispose' of it. We made it back with 20 minutes to spare before my wife got home."
"I haven’t told my wife because I think it would either break her heart, or creep her out at how efficiently my dad can dump a body."
"Anyway, wifey thinks her deer friend is alive and well, and totally not at the bottom of a ravine."
~ EliseoJan
Oops!
"The remote didn't disappear."
"I accidentally put it through the washing machine and destoreyed it and threw it out in a panic."
~ NinaBen63
"It was me who cooked with oil and didn’t clean the spatters off the stovetop… not the cat."
~ Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
"I'm impressed your cat can cook."
~ Antillaa
"Well, nothing fancy, not what you'd call a feast."
~ Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
"Just a meowdest meal then."
~ Grunthos_Flatulent
GiphyBetter Left Unsaid
"That she is wayyy more like her mom and sisters than she likes to think."
~ Famannot34
"Could be worse ... my partner is becoming more and more like MY mother than she would like to think!"
~ DeeDee_Z
"That’s definitely one to keep to yourself."
"Forever."
~ msjammies73
"I hate your mom and I'm a little afraid you're going to turn into her, both physically and personality wise."
"Especially since your dad keeps talking about how you have your mom's whole face and personality from back when they first got together."
~ midnightsonofabitch
Giphy"I would like to go somewhere and be alone for a few weeks."
"I love them so much but I have never been on my own in my life and I would like to try it for a minute."
~ PeacefulWarCat
"I daydream/wonder what it would be like to live completely alone."
"How I wouldn’t have to compromise."
~ TA_MHGal
"Lord. I always thought when I met the right one I wouldn’t mind sharing my space."
"I’m a loner by nature."
~ illustriousocelot_
"I only put spiders outside when she sees them."
"If they're only noticed by me I let them continue hunting bugs, sometimes with a few soft words of encouragement."
"You're doing a great job, little guy."
~ c7hu1hu
Giphy"She is using words incorrectly."
"She has a half dozen she routinely misuses and does not want to hear it. Example: The middle of the road is the median, not the medium."
"Drives me insane."
"Married 20+ years. Some things you let go."
"I even tried repeating it back to her in the conversation properly to avoid the conflict. Still doesn't work."
"What is surprising is she easily reads a couple of books per month and is super bright. She just has words that somehow got stuck in her vocabulary along the way."
~ Caspers_Shadow
Is Manipulation So Bad?
"I wanted my husband to quit wearing denim shorts because they made him look old. He had gained a bit of weight, so I kept buying his jorts in his old size 34 and I bought khaki shorts in a 38."
"He will never read a label for any reason. He would put on the jorts and then lay on the bed and lift and spread his legs to stretch out the shorts a bit."
"He blew out the back seam of two pairs in the same day, then ended up putting on the khaki shorts."
"Since then, almost 20 years, he has insisted that khaki shorts are made better and fit more comfortably than denim shorts of the same size."
~ fire_thorn
Hiding In Plain Sight
"Not me but my parents. If my mom wants to hide literally anything from my dad, no matter what it is, she just puts it somewhere where he would have to bend over to see it."
"Doesn't matter if it's something like a package of oreos, if my dad has to bend over to find it he's never going to find it. I've tested it with my own snacks when I was still living with them to confirm it works.
"He'd be mad if he knew how many snacks we'd hidden from him simply because he doesn't bend over low enough to see it in the cabinet."
~ WonderfulFennels
"This is rather hilarious. Not quite what I was thinking of, but hilarious."
~ OP _Brunonono_
"Headline: Man Starves To Death In Home: Couldn't Find Food at Knee Height"
~ Papancasudani
GiphyMight Be Time To Speak Up
"I am tired in my soul."
"I carry the mental load, do 99% of the domestic chores, do the meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. I’m the breadwinner and also the one responsible for our finances."
"I’m tired in my heart and soul. You agree when we talk about our future but there’s no execution on your end."
"You see my frustrations and you think it’s postpartum depression but it’s you, not the kiddos. I’ve been doing the therapy and the Zoloft. Why aren’t you?"
~ Beagle_Gal
In almost every case, Redditors' biggest concern was their partner's feelings.
Except for those snacks.
Hopefully they put a few snacks in dad's line of sight.
We've all heard some things that sound too good to be true, but we've also certainly heard some things that were too weird to be true.
But as strange as they might sound, from weird scientific facts to things that people have done to animals that actually exist outside of a distant, mystical realm, there are some things that are simply, stranger than fiction.
Curious about others' takes, Redditor Former_Ladder9969 asked:
"What is a weird fact you know for some reason?"
The Draw of the Deck
"The King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache."
- MR_dizzaster
"He's also sticking a sword in his head."
- Uwumeshu
"He was shaving and missed."
- puneralissimo
Random Facts About Strangers
"Diddy, the music artist, doesn’t like the way towels feel on his skin. So instead of drying off like a normal person after a shower, he walks around his house to air dry instead."
"Why do I know this?"
"Because for some reason, this was a fact given during an old show on VH1 called 'Pop Up Videos,' where they would play a music video with random facts being shown throughout. I have zero idea why of all the vital things I should have stored in my memory, this was one that stuck after all these years."
- dabking24
Spacial Awareness
"Australia is wider than the moon."
- MrSatanachia
"I can't decide if I'm more amazed that the moon is actually way smaller than I imagined, or that Australia is way bigger than I imagined."
- 5Beans6
"This is my confusion, lol (laughing out loud)."
- TheTinyHandsofTRex
That's Commitment
"Crabs have a muscle that enables them to release their claw if they have to."
- Norwegianxrp
"It took me an incredibly long time to realize this means like… fully release it, like remove it from their body. I thought it just meant release the grip they have."
- wowowaoa
Mystical Representation
"The national animal of Scotland is a Unicorn."
- Batmans-dragon80
"Yes, that’s true. Mainly because we have so many of them roaming wild in the glens. Chasing the Haggi and avoiding Nessie."
- Bri1311
Education through Music
"Because of a song that used to constantly play on the radio I have it pretty well memorized that there are 86,400 seconds in the average day."
- Vanilla_Neko
"Because of a song on the radio, I learned that the minimum expectation for displays of love can be measured in 500 miles."
- Slight_Bodybuilder25
Where the Grass is Greener... and Newer
"There were no grasses on the earth when dinosaurs were here."
- Snowfl4ke85
"During the Jurassic and the Early Cretaceous, the higher flora was dominated by cycads, ginkgoes, conifers, and ferns. Other groups of plants included extinct seed plants with fern-like foliage. The exact origins of flowering plants are uncertain, although evidence suggests that they are not closely related to any group of modern non-flowering plants."
"Flowering plants underwent rapid radiation beginning around the middle of the Cretaceous period, and makeup around 90% of living plant species today. With the spread of these plants came the decline of previously dominant groups such as conifers. During the Cretaceous, ferns would also begin to diversify."
"The oldest known fossils of grasses are from the Early Cretaceous, with the family having diversified into modern groups by the end of the Cretaceous. The oldest large flowering trees are known from the Late Cretaceous, with the trunk having a preserved diameter of one-point-eight meters and an estimated height of 50 meters."
- UnexpectedDinoLesson
Weird Way to Say Hello
"Manatees control their buoyancy by farting. Toot toot, floaty sea cow."
- Plane-Vacation-1228
"Wait, so those bubbles you see on the water surface that signify their presence are...?"
- DismalDude77
Goals for Building the Longest Train...
"There's no maximum length to a train, you just add another engine."
- TrueGritt90
"That tracks."
- Snedro
The Smallest Philosopher
"That dead ants produce a pheromone that alerts the other ants that they need to move them to the ant graveyard."
"If a drop of this pheromone is placed on a live ant, it will take itself to the graveyard and stay there until the pheromone dissipates."
- Jessi_L_1324
"The ant: Am I dead?"
- Professional_Stay748
"That ant would make a great philosopher."
- skatalite2020
High-Risk Flights
"Some military helicopters on aircraft carriers are made of magnesium and should they catch fire, it's literally impossible to put them out as the magnesium will take the oxygen from the water and use that to keep burning."
"So the only thing that can be done is to push them overboard and even as they sink they will continue to burn until the magnesium is completely burned up."
- Strange_Stage1311
The First Scapegoat
"Some tribes of ancient people used to tie up a goat, whisper their sins to it, then allow it to 'accidentally' escape so it would carry their sins away and thus resolve them of guilt."
"It was, literally, their 'escape goat,' and that's where the term 'scapegoat' comes from."
- TheAbyssGazesAlso
The Power of Percentages
"Percentages can be reversed."
"For example, five percent of ten is ten percent of five."
- Routine_Leading_4757
"43 years and I'm only learning this now."
- TheMechTech80
Wordy Phobias
"The fear of long words is called 'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.'
- Illustrious_Hawk_734
"Also, the fear of palindromes is called 'aibohphobia,' which just goes to show that the people who name phobias are a**holes."
- PhoenixMason13
"The question is, who even has a fear of palindromes?"
- ConduckKing
"Eve, Bob, and Hannah."
- Lostarchitorture
Not only are these facts unexpected, but it's wild to think that some of them are true.
But the simple, plain truth is that the truth is always all that simple. It can be weird and hard to believe, and yet, there it is.