I am a proud burnt toast eater.
Please stop coming to my table with your slightly beige warm bread. I want toast toast. I want crunch, I want little charred bits of dark brown and maybe even some black.
If your bread has the color palette of a hamster, not a rottweiler - you did it wrong and I will die on this food hill.
Reddit user OtherwiseProject1338 asked:
"What tastes better a little burnt?"
I'm not even gonna bother with the whole big long story setup. Reddit food fights are a genre we know and love in these streets. Let's get into it.
Again.
Sautee A Little Harder
Vegan Veggies GIF by ShakaGiphy"Sautéed bell peppers and onions."
- ARgirlinaFLworld
"This is the answer. Extra cooked peppers and onions on lightly toasted bread and a thin slice of cheddar cheese chef's kiss"
- legocitiez
"If your peppers aren’t black in spots then they aren’t cooked."
- [reddit]
"Black onions are f*cking amazing."
- ThRoWaWaYrenter160
Lessons From Hubby
"For me it's McDonald's chocolate chip cookies, if you find an accommodating store ask them to put yours in the oven for just a little longer and they come out slightly burnt."
"They'll be slightly harder but the crunch and the slightly burnt ends is amazing."
"Learned this from my husband."
- Technical_Way3498
Grandma Gives Up Cooking
"Growing up, the only way that my siblings and I ever ate broccoli, was when it was burnt. We hated it otherwise."
"Our grandmother would always argue with us that it was so much better when not burnt, and she would scoff at our mother for giving us burnt food 😂"
"She is a strong willed woman, and eventually she just refused to cook broccoli for us, since we wouldn't eat it the "orrect way."
"We loved broccoli, so we'd often ask grandma to fix some for us. She'd always reply with 'Are you going to make me burn it? Then no.' Lol"
"You'd think she'd just be happy that kids were willing to eat vegetables."
- Purplecardgame
Natural Cooking Container
Giphy"Have you ever grilled corn in the husk?"
"Just toss it on the grill and turn it every few minutes until the outer layer of leaves starts to burn on the edges. You'll see a little steam around the silks usually when it's done."
"Best part? The leaves become pliable enough you can evert the husk and leave it attached to the cob as an instant handle!"
- Majik_Sheff
"It kills me when I see someone take a perfectly good ear of corn, shuck it, and then wrap it in tinfoil to grill it. You threw away the natural cooking container!"
- moxleycrue
Carbon Adds Flavor
"I’ve never liked asparagus, and I hate burnt food, but my boyfriend was craving the asparagus his sister makes. So I told him if he got the recipe I’d make it for him."
"Her trick? Burn them a little bit."
"Turns out I do like asparagus lol."
- unicornhornporn0554
"Carbon adds a bit of a bite and depth of flavor. Plus 'crispy without being hard' tends to be a pleasing texture."
- Mayor__Defacto
"Yes, my great grandmother used to 'stew' the asparagus, and I would eat it for the nutrition, but wasn't a huge fan of the asparagus. All her other cooking was incredible, god rest her soul."
"But as a grown up, I decided to try asparagus. Me & my dinner guests "burned" up some asparagus on the grill - which does make them quite enjoyable for me!"
"Also, AIR FRY! I love my air fryer, it makes everything so yummy!"
- rodoxide
Crispy Edges
"The top and side of lasagna."
- Sendmeboobpics4982
"My sister won’t eat this. When we’re eating it together, I ask her, 'Can I have your lasagna scab?' ”
- abriefdeparture
"Yes actually, those Lil burnt dots make it even better with those crispy cheese!"
"I learnt lasagna by watching 100s of videos and picking good stuff from each of them. The final recipe I came up with for it was amazing. I was in 3rd heaven eating, man it was like explosion of flavours inside ma mouth."
"I keep that recipe in my safe now to not lose it, it's that precious to me."
- beeg_brain007
"They have those Edge pans for lasagna now, a whole pan full of crispy side pieces!"
- twirlerina024
My Wife's Sausage
"Breakfast sausages."
"My wife is from a country where breakfast sausages are not the norm. She boils them and then lightly browns them."
"DAMMIT WOMAN!! Slam those suckers down on a hot oiled griddle and roll 'em around until at least half the skin is charred!"
- Thundersalmon45
"I only recently realized some people consider what I consider normally cooked sausage to be a little burnt.”
"I’d never considered cooking it any other way. Seems… not done without at least a bit of char on it."
- bakerzdosen
Illegally Limp
food porn bacon GIF by HuffPostGiphy"Bacon. Limp chewy bacon should be illegal."
- ClintorisMaximus
"Bacon is the way. Crispy-burny bacon is The Force."
- HeyCharrrrlie
"There’s a local place that deep fries bacon in lard. It’s the crispiest and crunchiest bacon ever."
"Now that I’ve been spoiled with deep fried bacon I’ll never eat any other bacon again."
- Due-Paleontologist69
"I legit want my bacon to be a meat cracker."
"When people ask how I like my bacon at breakfast I am always met with a look of confused fear when I say 'I like it super crispy' like they have no idea how to accomplish that."
"I always have to reassure with 'Dont worry, you literally can't overcook my bacon. Char it, it can be burnt black and I'll love it.' "
"I've had limp bacon friends that complained their bacon was overcooked and gave it to me - and it was still undercooked by my standards. I'll never understand those types."
- HelmSpicy
The Topping
"Crème Brûlée"
- ClosetoParfait
"Three different accent marks, this guy doesn't f*ck around"
- Money_Calm
"That burnt sugar topping really hits the spot."
- [reddit]
"Yessss and that incredibly satisfying tap when you crack through the caramelized sugar layer... Magic."
- Purplemonkeez
"There have been several correct answers in this thread, but this is easily the most correct of all."
- ConnorKeane
10/10
"Nobody said brownies?? Burnt edges of a brownie man, 10/10"
- KnottySpartan
"A gently burnt brownie gets me every single time. Glad to know there are people with good taste!"
- SunnyWays8
"Those burnt brownie edges defy logic. It's like the chocolate in those burnt parts has ascended to a higher plane of existence and taken me with it."
"It makes me forget who I am and all my troubles as the world melts away and all I know is the burnt chocolatey bliss I'm experiencing."
"So damn good I can't believe it's legal."
- Dead_Is_Better
It's your turn, food fans.
Tell us all about your best burned bits - is it marshmallows, toast, a veggie? Something completely left field like ice cream cake?
We can't wait to hear it.
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"What is the craziest conspiracy theory that you secretly believe in?"
Or The Singers Just Wanted To Travel?
"Ireland began deliberately entering bad songs into the Eurovision Song Contest in the 90s."
"After winning it consecutively for a few years it began getting too expensive to host so they sabotaged their chances of winning it."- Houlilala
They Weren't That Cute...
"Build-A-Bear came out with a bunch of new toys that were all the same shade of yellow right after their Minion launch severely underperformed."
"They had stockpiled yellow fabric in anticipation of the Minion toys selling well and getting a big production run and had to find a way to use it all."- everlasting1der
Be Careful What You Ask...
"I believe r/AskReddit is actually a data farming operation that is being used to feed AI algorithms in order to produce more effective propaganda, social control mechanisms, etc… but what do I know…" - Sackerson-502
Search Engine Instagram GIF by GiflyticsGiphyBut Where Do The Beans Go?
"This is dumb, but my mother believes that the coffee grinder machines at the gas station are fake..as in they make a lot of noise just to make you think what your getting is fresh coffee."
"When it's 'grinding' the beans, you never see the beans move."
"We called the gas station and the employee said he doesn't know how the coffee makers work since a 3rd party refills them up or changes the flavors."
"I've called her crazy but slowly i'm getting sucked into it, simply because it's fun."- james_castrello2
Which Would Be More Embarassing?
"Paul Pierce sh*t his pants during the 2008 NBA Finals."
"He sat on the floor apparently injured until he was taken off the court in a wheelchair and returned minutes later completely fine."
"Sitting on the floor and leaving in a wheelchair stopped anybody from seeing his dookie stains."- pierremanslappy
paul pierce GIFGiphyNot Exactly Helping Anyone...
"Micro plastics are making people dumber."- blackbeautybyseven
When They Could Broaden Their Client Lists...
"That the weight loss industry sets people up to fail, because if their products worked they wouldn't have return customers."- Funky_chicken89
What's Important, He's Out There...
"It’s not the cameras: Bigfoot is blurry."- QuillDidNothingWrong
Bigfoot Sasquatch GIF by MOODMANGiphyThe World May Never Know...
"North Korea had an underground nuclear testing site collapse."
"Kim Jong Un then went to China."
"North Korea declared in their state news paper that they have perfected the nuke, and will no longer do any more tests."
"My theory is that Kim Jong Un went to China to ask for help fixing their nuclear disaster."
"Xi told him to deal with it himself and to stop playing with nukes."
"Kim came back to N.Korea like a beaten dog."- Initial-Finger-1235
What Lurks Beneath Midtown
"Occultist architect Ivo Shandor outfitted most of the buildings in downtown Manhattan with a specific alloy which, when activated under the right conditions, would summon Gozer the Gozerian."- Rogue_Wallet
A Connection To Brag About?
"This is dumb lmao, there is a man who lived and worked as a teacher where I'm from in NC."
"His name was Peter Stuart Ney."
"It was during the early 1800s, there's a local legend that lives on that this man was in fact one of Napoleon's right hand men, and fought alongside him even."
"It's been disproven apparently by the French government over the years, it's just funny how this guy was supposedly executed in 1815, just to show up over in NC as a teacher with the same surname and military expertise just 1 year later."
"They say he was a skilled fencer, and he had precise military knowledge even though he was just a teacher for the local school system."
"On his deathbed he supposedly confessed to being one Marshal Michel Ney, the 'Bravest of the Brave', according to Napoleon."
"Wild story but part of me just fully f*cking believes it's crazy enough to be true."
"Records indicated he had shown up in Charleston SC in 1816, just a year after this Michel Ney was executed in France."
"Idk, it's just a crazy story."- actuallyjayft
pizza emoji GIFGiphy...Aside From The Fact That Fairy Tales Are Public Domain...
"Disney only do remakes to retain copyright on the stories."- AndPlagueFlowers
Likely True For Some Of Them...
"All those crazy Boomers have lead poisoning."- octavialovesart
Bodes Well For Online Dating Too...
"The Empty Internet Conspiracy."
"A large part of the population of the internet and, thus, a large part of interactions on the internet are completely fake."
"Just faceless chat bots tooling around; generating social media posts, YouTube comments, and opinion articles on news sites."
"With the rise of AI generated essays and research papers, it's becoming easier to draw lines between those papers and how random news articles can read in a way in which a human would never write."- Karmit_Da_Fruge
Internet Netneutrality GIF by Ryan SeslowGiphyAs long as people keep these beliefs to themselves, and don't try to promote them, then they have every right to believe these rather dubious stories are true.
And who knows, some of these stories are so far-fetched, perhaps the only way they came to prominence was because they actually happened.
Redditor pambannedfromchilis wanted the wealthy to spill the deets on being wealthy, so they asked:
"What is something only a wealthy person would know?"
Tell me the secrets. Just first let me get a pen and paper.
Private Listings
I Am Rich Nene Leakes GIFGiphy"You can opt not to be on those 'wealthiest people' lists - for a price."
draggar
"The number of people that actively avoid those lists is far higher than the number of people on those lists. Also, some people actively manage the amount the list shows."
Ragnel
Call Me
"The phone numbers from people who could help you out of any (even bad) situation."
purevenuscookieslog
"All you need is one person with the right phone number and worth that level of protection."
There is a neighborhood in Colorado Springs with a large number of former generals, nuclear scientists, corporation directors, etc. Within 5 minutes of a burglary alarm going off, the criminal was dead. I can assure you that the Colorado Springs police can't respond that quickly."
jeffh4
HELP!
"The less help you need, the more you get."
manIDKbruh
"You have access to favorable credit lines with better rates than ordinary folk. They just throw money at you when you have money."
dbx999
"Bob Hope used to say 'a bank is a place that'll lend you money, but only if you can prove you don't need it.'"
tommytraddles
Premium Help
"How to fully use a hotel concierge service."
Firebolt164
"Was in Australia at a nice hotel. Wanted to go to Royal Observatory but there were no tickets that evening - only the evening we could make it. Ended up in casual conversation with the hotel concierge. At some, told him how much we were enjoying our visit and he asked if there was anything disappointing."
"I said only that we could not get into the Royal Observatory. He said he’d see what he could do, catching me by surprise having been unfamiliar with what a concierge does before then. That night my wife and I were looking at the Jewel Box through the telescope at the Royal Observatory."
arriesgado
Celeb Encounters
Rihanna Boat GIFGiphy"You can rent celebrities for your private events. Not just musicians, but bonafide actors and actresses."
MediumRareTaint
"I remember a few years ago the founder of Lululemon, Chip Wilson, had the Red Hot Chili Peppers play in his backyard here in Vancouver. We could hear them from the beach below."
madam1madam
If had the money to rent people for private events, Adele would have plans forever!
What is Rent?
Alicia Silverstone My Bad GIFGiphy"Have a friend who is moving to the Bay area. To work for a non-profit. Part-time. She didn't know what her salary would be."
minervazahara
Fly High
"Private jets come with different size luggage compartments."
thinkx5
"I mean, do all cars have the exact same size trunk? No, some are roomy as sh*t and some are teeny. It makes sense that different models from different manufacturers would have different sized/shaped compartments, especially given there are some that seat 4 passengers and some that seat 14."
fireandlifeincarnate
Member-Owned
"The difference between an equity country club and a membership country club."
smurfsundermybed
"Some country clubs have vested ownership (ie 100% member-owned) while others are owned by corporations. It really isn't always a prestige thing, many older clubs in the sticks only came about because they were member-owned and built by a group of families."
"Of course, nearly all of today's old-school elite courses started out as member-owned but that doesn't mean all member-owned courses are elite."
Salamok
"Yeah, this is a good one. Also, the understanding that you can't just walk into most private clubs, write a check for whatever the fee is and become a member. Most of the equity clubs have a white ball/black ball system too, similar to fraternities, where two or three blacks DQ you."
xkulp8
When in Need
"The VIP hotline number at the children's hospital when your kid needs urgent care but there's a big wait in the ER (but your kid isn't sicker than anybody else's kid in the ER), and you won't get to the front of the line. Blew my mind when a very wealthy friend told me he did this for his child (the friend's father was a huge donor to the hospital). More power to him, but there is the wealthy and then there is the wealthy."
off_mode_auto
The Most Valuable
Seth Meyers Time GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"That wealth is not what people see. It's what people don't get to see. That the most valuable asset is not things, but time."
shidored
Whoever said money can't buy happiness is lying.
There is the biggest secret.
