I am a proud burnt toast eater.
Please stop coming to my table with your slightly beige warm bread. I want toast toast. I want crunch, I want little charred bits of dark brown and maybe even some black.
If your bread has the color palette of a hamster, not a rottweiler - you did it wrong and I will die on this food hill.
Reddit user OtherwiseProject1338 asked:
"What tastes better a little burnt?"
I'm not even gonna bother with the whole big long story setup. Reddit food fights are a genre we know and love in these streets. Let's get into it.
Again.
Sautee A Little Harder
Vegan Veggies GIF by ShakaGiphy"Sautéed bell peppers and onions."
- ARgirlinaFLworld
"This is the answer. Extra cooked peppers and onions on lightly toasted bread and a thin slice of cheddar cheese chef's kiss"
- legocitiez
"If your peppers aren’t black in spots then they aren’t cooked."
- [reddit]
"Black onions are f*cking amazing."
- ThRoWaWaYrenter160
Lessons From Hubby
"For me it's McDonald's chocolate chip cookies, if you find an accommodating store ask them to put yours in the oven for just a little longer and they come out slightly burnt."
"They'll be slightly harder but the crunch and the slightly burnt ends is amazing."
"Learned this from my husband."
- Technical_Way3498
Grandma Gives Up Cooking
"Growing up, the only way that my siblings and I ever ate broccoli, was when it was burnt. We hated it otherwise."
"Our grandmother would always argue with us that it was so much better when not burnt, and she would scoff at our mother for giving us burnt food 😂"
"She is a strong willed woman, and eventually she just refused to cook broccoli for us, since we wouldn't eat it the "orrect way."
"We loved broccoli, so we'd often ask grandma to fix some for us. She'd always reply with 'Are you going to make me burn it? Then no.' Lol"
"You'd think she'd just be happy that kids were willing to eat vegetables."
- Purplecardgame
Natural Cooking Container
Giphy"Have you ever grilled corn in the husk?"
"Just toss it on the grill and turn it every few minutes until the outer layer of leaves starts to burn on the edges. You'll see a little steam around the silks usually when it's done."
"Best part? The leaves become pliable enough you can evert the husk and leave it attached to the cob as an instant handle!"
- Majik_Sheff
"It kills me when I see someone take a perfectly good ear of corn, shuck it, and then wrap it in tinfoil to grill it. You threw away the natural cooking container!"
- moxleycrue
Carbon Adds Flavor
"I’ve never liked asparagus, and I hate burnt food, but my boyfriend was craving the asparagus his sister makes. So I told him if he got the recipe I’d make it for him."
"Her trick? Burn them a little bit."
"Turns out I do like asparagus lol."
- unicornhornporn0554
"Carbon adds a bit of a bite and depth of flavor. Plus 'crispy without being hard' tends to be a pleasing texture."
- Mayor__Defacto
"Yes, my great grandmother used to 'stew' the asparagus, and I would eat it for the nutrition, but wasn't a huge fan of the asparagus. All her other cooking was incredible, god rest her soul."
"But as a grown up, I decided to try asparagus. Me & my dinner guests "burned" up some asparagus on the grill - which does make them quite enjoyable for me!"
"Also, AIR FRY! I love my air fryer, it makes everything so yummy!"
- rodoxide
Crispy Edges
"The top and side of lasagna."
- Sendmeboobpics4982
"My sister won’t eat this. When we’re eating it together, I ask her, 'Can I have your lasagna scab?' ”
- abriefdeparture
"Yes actually, those Lil burnt dots make it even better with those crispy cheese!"
"I learnt lasagna by watching 100s of videos and picking good stuff from each of them. The final recipe I came up with for it was amazing. I was in 3rd heaven eating, man it was like explosion of flavours inside ma mouth."
"I keep that recipe in my safe now to not lose it, it's that precious to me."
- beeg_brain007
"They have those Edge pans for lasagna now, a whole pan full of crispy side pieces!"
- twirlerina024
My Wife's Sausage
"Breakfast sausages."
"My wife is from a country where breakfast sausages are not the norm. She boils them and then lightly browns them."
"DAMMIT WOMAN!! Slam those suckers down on a hot oiled griddle and roll 'em around until at least half the skin is charred!"
- Thundersalmon45
"I only recently realized some people consider what I consider normally cooked sausage to be a little burnt.”
"I’d never considered cooking it any other way. Seems… not done without at least a bit of char on it."
- bakerzdosen
Illegally Limp
food porn bacon GIF by HuffPostGiphy"Bacon. Limp chewy bacon should be illegal."
- ClintorisMaximus
"Bacon is the way. Crispy-burny bacon is The Force."
- HeyCharrrrlie
"There’s a local place that deep fries bacon in lard. It’s the crispiest and crunchiest bacon ever."
"Now that I’ve been spoiled with deep fried bacon I’ll never eat any other bacon again."
- Due-Paleontologist69
"I legit want my bacon to be a meat cracker."
"When people ask how I like my bacon at breakfast I am always met with a look of confused fear when I say 'I like it super crispy' like they have no idea how to accomplish that."
"I always have to reassure with 'Dont worry, you literally can't overcook my bacon. Char it, it can be burnt black and I'll love it.' "
"I've had limp bacon friends that complained their bacon was overcooked and gave it to me - and it was still undercooked by my standards. I'll never understand those types."
- HelmSpicy
The Topping
"Crème Brûlée"
- ClosetoParfait
"Three different accent marks, this guy doesn't f*ck around"
- Money_Calm
"That burnt sugar topping really hits the spot."
- [reddit]
"Yessss and that incredibly satisfying tap when you crack through the caramelized sugar layer... Magic."
- Purplemonkeez
"There have been several correct answers in this thread, but this is easily the most correct of all."
- ConnorKeane
10/10
"Nobody said brownies?? Burnt edges of a brownie man, 10/10"
- KnottySpartan
"A gently burnt brownie gets me every single time. Glad to know there are people with good taste!"
- SunnyWays8
"Those burnt brownie edges defy logic. It's like the chocolate in those burnt parts has ascended to a higher plane of existence and taken me with it."
"It makes me forget who I am and all my troubles as the world melts away and all I know is the burnt chocolatey bliss I'm experiencing."
"So damn good I can't believe it's legal."
- Dead_Is_Better
It's your turn, food fans.
Tell us all about your best burned bits - is it marshmallows, toast, a veggie? Something completely left field like ice cream cake?
We can't wait to hear it.
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Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked:
"What is the weirdest animal fact you know?"
Like Perry
"Platypus glow blueish green under ultraviolet light."
"They also don’t have nipples, they just exude milk from glands under the skin and the baby’s lap it up."
~ WakingOwl1
"They have electrolocation in their bills that lets them detect their food under water."
~ DrPlatypus1
"And they lay eggs."
"The more I find out about them the more I understand why people first thought they were fake."
~ Reidroshdy
"After seeing all these platypus facts I am convinced these things are aliens that have been abandoned on Earth."
~ SeattleOne206
Kapow!
"Mantis Shrimp have 16 different sets of cones. Rods and cones are in your eyes. Cones see color, rods see light and motion."
"Dogs have 2 sets of cones—green and blue. Humans have 3 sets of cones—green, blue and red."
"Mantis Shrimp are seeing colors we can't comprehend and explains why they're very colorful."
"That’s not even the strangest thing about them."
"They can also punch as fast as a .22 bullet which cause a cavitation bubble which boils the water around them at temperatures of several thousand Kelvins."
~ RigzDigz
GiphyTerrible Twos
"Cats have the mental capacity of a 2-year-old which makes a lot of sense."
~ Alive_Ad823
Cats Dragging GIFGiphyLike Tinder
"When a female sloth wants a mate she'll hang onto a tree branch and just scream."
~ Remarkable_Sink2542
GiphyGood Thing They're So Small
"Dragonflies are the most successful predators on Earth."
"When lions choose prey they have like a 10% chance of catching it."
"African painted dogs—who hunt in packs—have the highest kill rate of any mammal, successfully catching 51% of their prey."
"When a dragonfly locks onto a target, it has a 99.9% success rate!"
~ PurpleInevitable2103
GiphyOn A Swivel
"Owls have really long necks, but it's hard to notice that because their feathers are so fluffy."
~ ergonaut
GiphyWhat About Cousin It?
"Sea otters are the most densely furred animal with 600,000 to 1,000,000 hair follicles per square inch."
"Dogs have about 15,000 per square inch, humans on average are between 800 to 1,290 hairs per square inch."
~ atom1129
Giphy
Sucker Punchers
"Octopus punch other fish for no reason—so, for fun."
~ Samanthalynn8915
"There's a direct correlation between species' intelligence and dickish behavior."
~ TheDesktopNinja
Looks Are Deceiving
"Polar bear fur isn't white—it's translucent (for most frequencies of light). And they have black skin underneath."
"So polar bear fur lets all the light through to their black skin to warm them—except for a few visible frequencies to keep them camouflaged as white."
~ seedanrun
GiphyWho's Going To Attack One‽‽
"Honey badgers can turn their a**holes inside out and use the smell to deter attackers."
"Not sure what exactly has the guts to attack a honey badger, but if they have the courage to do so, the badger sure as hell isn’t gonna make it easy."
~ nonexistantauthor
GiphyBig Momma
"The Blanket Octopus exhibits the highest degree of sexual dimorphism known."
"Females: About 6 feet across."
"Males: About one inch."
~ Fabulous-Pause4154
High Times
"Dolphins will intentionally use puffer fish to get high."
~ altkaldra
"They upset blowfish so they inflate, and therefore emit poison. It gets the dolphins high. Then they pass it around, literally."
~ smack4u
"Not just the dolphins. I recently saw a video about 10 animals that like to get high. Very interesting."
~ s137leo__
"Lemurs do that with giant centipedes/millipedes too."
~ chubbyknuckles420
Fabrizio Frigeni on Unsplash
Better Than Bike Helmets
"Woodpeckers' tongues wrap around their brains to cushion them from the vibrations of slamming their face into trees all day."
~ we_made_yewww
"Their tongues also have barbs to grab bugs out of the holes."
"Their brains have additional cushioning because, you know, they spend their days smashing their face as hard as possible into trees."
~ RhynoD
Detachable Organs
"Argonauts [paper nautili] are small octopuses that are too lazy to have intercourse."
"They detach their penises and toss them into the open sea to mate with female argonauts."
"The detachable 'd*ck' is a tiny tentacle, complete with suckers and sperm, that develops in a cavity under the eye of a male argonaut [paper nautilus]."
"When it's time to mate, the tentacle explodes out of the cavity, instantly killing the male argonaut. The tentacle then swims towards a female argonaut to insert itself."
"Sexy, huh?"
~ Schwarzes__Loch
What's your favorite weird animal fact?
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
– insertitherenow
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
– TheEighthLord
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
– I_Have_A_Name37654
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
– 88Dubs
Brat Pack
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
– SonOfDadOfSam
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
– NicPizzaLatte
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
Contagious Femininity
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
– Lazy_Natural6154
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
– aliebabadegrote
Sexist Categorization
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
– ExaminationDouble240
It's Teamwork
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
– Mrbeardoesthethings
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
– constructionguy89
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
– Green7000
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
– MrFunktasticc
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
Never Submissive
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
– kamalaophelia
Stifling Emotions
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
– LambLifts
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"It wasn't."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate
catholic the exorcist GIFGiphyRetracing Steps...
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia
exercise push up GIFGiphyBad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist
uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphyAt Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100
Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphyNot The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343
dating app GIFGiphyIf anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.
People's Wildest 'WTF Is Wrong With You?' Experiences