I love presents. I try to hide my enthusiasm, and I do my best to appease the greater public by saying "it's the thought that counts." But that is a WHOLE lie. I don't just love gifts, I love great gifts. And if you go rogue from my lists, please keep a receipt. It's just plain rude to divert from what the recipient has requested.
This thought process has emerged from experience. I have received some trash presents over the years and now I'm too old to pretend you just went crazy while shopping. Like... "do you even know me?!"
Redditoru/sulemannkhannwanted to hear all about the presents some of us have received that we prayed, came with a receipt, by asking:
What's the worst birthday gift you ever got?
Have we met? That is an actual question I asked a gift giver once. (Who shall rename nameless) Football tickets. FOOTBALL TICKETS?! Who? What? I can't.
Looks Familiar
Broad City Wow GIF by Comedy CentralGiphy"My own scarf. Yes, that's right, my mother went into my room took my only scarf, wrapped it and gave it to me like it was a new scarf."
Devastation!
"Thought I was getting a bike for my 15th birthday but my foster parents announced that they were sending me to a group home after living with them for 11 years. Devastation! That place was a wake up call. More independence then at my foster home but those kids had it really really bad, 12 year old heroine addicts, abuse... what the entire hell! I hurried up, graduated from high school at 16 and got the hell out of that place. I turned out ok, work in the legal field, live in Las Vegas. I did forgive my foster parents before they died."
The Forgotten One
"My brother and I worked for a farmer one summer, and he paid us with a used car. At the end of the next year, my brother graduated high school, so my parents paid me out for my half of the car, and that was his graduation gift. I gave them all a big discount compared to what it was worth. So like $500 for my share of a $2500 car."
"2 years later, and I needed $50 for some graduation fees, so I borrowed it from my mom until I could get to the bank. (Before mobile banking and ATMs everywhere.) Later, when my mom is telling me they invited all their friends over for a 'graduation' party, I asked if they had gotten a gift for me. "Well I gave you fifty bucks."
"I paid it back the next day, and she didn't blink. The 'graduation party' was just my parents friends, who said congratulations to me, but it wasn't really for me. A few years later, my little sister graduated, she got a car. They bought a used car for her, and our other little sister got the same when she graduated. My parents are mostly nice, and I never felt like they singled me out at birthdays or anything. Just my graduation seemed like I turned invisible."
Office Party Fail
"HR complaint from two subordinates fighting over how to throw me a surprise birthday party."
- BBoySlim
"I've never worked in an office environment, but the stories I've heard of people being required to buy a cake for the whole office and to celebrate their birthday with their coworkers would be enough to keep me in blue collar work for life, were it not for the fact that I love being active and working with my hands and could never sit at a desk all day anyway."
Basics
law school finals GIFGiphy"My Asian mom's gift was "no extra Kumon homework after school homework" so my birthday gift was that I didn't get extra homework from her."
Regifting is trash behavior. Do better. I'd rather you just say I forgot. Or... I just don't care for that much. But regifting? No.
season 4 lint roller GIF by Veep HBOUnlucky 13
"Stomach flu and my first ever period, at the same time. I think it was my 13th birthday."
- kelpself
"Omg, exact same story for me. It was my 13th birthday and my family took us kids to visit our relatives in Subsaharan Africa for the first time. I was sick, jetlagged, overheated and riding down a bumpy road in a Jeep driven by my dad in the complete darkness. We had just eaten at a restaurant where I found a giant scarab beetle in the bottom of my soup bowl. I have flashbacks to this day."
Lazy Thoughts...
"My grandparents have been gifting me (and my brother) the same set of three vice grips for almost 10 years. Collectively we have 60 vice grips. I don't know if they bought a pallet of them, or where they are coming from. GET A GRIP GRANDMA!"
"I had a friend who's father was famous for doing Christmas shopping at the last minute. One year she complained that she went downstairs on Christmas morning and found, sticking out of her stocking, a spatula. Her birthday was a few days after telling that story, so myself and her friends all decided to get together and get her spatulas for her birthday, as a gag gift."
"Well, when it was our birthdays she retaliated. Which lead to a counter-offensive. And soon a new tradition was formed. And guys, I have so many spatulas now. Everything from dollar store cheap plastic, to hand-carved spatulas, a golden spatula, and even a replica of the famous Malaysian fighting spatula."
"I've got seasonal spatulas. As in, today it's time to pack away the Christmas spatulas and bring out the heart-shaped Valentine's day ones, followed by the bunny-shaped Easter ones. We've also been passing around this clip from the Weird Al Yankovic movie UHF. "Spatula City, we sell spatulas, and that's all!"
Their ultimate whack-a-doo move...
"A pair of homemade custom pajamas. Only problem was that they weren't made yet. It was just the fabric and a promise to make them for me. I had to give the fabric back and I never got the pajamas."
"Holy cow my parents do crap like this. It's so freaking weird. Their ultimate whack-a-doo move was to give my wife and I a few acres of their property."
"Nothing legal just at our wedding they gave us a card that basically said 'have some land.' When the dust settled I asked what they thought we would do with it, they said build a home. I said ok, gonna need legal ownership for like building a house. They said sure we will get right on that. Then they decide to sell out and retire and never mentioned our wedding 'gift' again."
Gross...
Disgusted Steve Carell GIFGiphy"My grandma got me a hairbrush with a plastic horse head handle. The horse head was all chipped up and there was hair in the brush."
Bummer...
"My Godfather sent me a Birthday card each year which said, he paid 100 bucks to a bank account which I was supposed to get, when 16yo. He then got into alcohol, used all the money and died."
Oh for God sake, why even bother giving anything at all? Lint rollers, used brushes, homemade pjs... y'all ever hear of a gift card? Just put five bucks on it and call it a day. You can't hide cheap, so stop trying.
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Wisdom is everywhere. I have found hope in the witty advertisement of a vodka bottle. You?
Truth
The One Where Estelle Dies Episode 15 GIF by FriendsGiphy"There is no problem so bad that you can’t make it worse."
Emilyx33x
I Love You
"Grief is just love that has nowhere to go."
i_am_scared_ok
Andrew Garfield’s quote on this subject really touched me. When talking about his mother who passed away he said, 'I hope this grief stays with me. It’s all the unexpressed love I didn’t get to tell her.'”
kyhansen1509
So Empty
“'What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the way in which we think about them. It is not things that disturb us, but our interpretation of their significance.'”
"-Epictetus"
Crypto_Bro12
"'Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it. -Rabbi Tarfon'"
"It helps when I'm feeling anxious about geopolitical events I have no control over."
HonestSummer
The Burn
"'Doing what you love as a job is a great way to make it something you used to love.'"
"Former boss that got burnt hard. That's funny but honestly idk what his past was. He was a very bitter person when I knew him. He said that when I was talking about wanting to be a full time artist when I was younger. The idea gave me pause."
Crying_Reaper
frodo GIFI'm feeling slightly inspired so far. You?
GIF by moodmanWinning
"There's this awesome webcomic called Multiplex that I used to read ( it finished its run a few years ago). It's mostly goofy jokes and snarky digs at Hollywood, but one of the characters said, 'You should get out of the mindset that for you to win, someone else has to lose. It's unhealthy.' Don't know why it stuck with me, but I've been trying to get out of that way of thinking ever since (I don't always succeed, but I'm trying man, I'm trying real hard)."
Raptorthrust
“it is what it is”
"Might be lame but my mom gave me a mug with 'it is what it is' written on it and it truly changed my philosophy about how I handle my anxiety. I was going through a lot but drinking coffee everyday with that mug really gave me a weird sense of peace."
corpcoincorporated
No!
"'Don't tell yourself no. Let someone else tell you no.' -- a co-worker who stopped me from canceling an interview 16 years ago. He's embarrassed that I bring it up because to him, it was just an off-the-cuff comment. But it literally put me where I am now."
farrenkm
'It's always those off-the-cuff remarks that do it. I will say, this one might be THE one from this thread that sticks with me... Most often it seems that the only person who ever gets in my way is myself."
CautiousCactus505
No Room
Black And White Halloween GIF by Fleischer StudiosGiphy"The graveyard is full of people who had the right of way."
SANTAAAA__I_know_him
Words have power. Do you have similar quotes to share? Let us know in the comments below.
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We need to prepare. Some of our regular daily life activities maybe not the best idea.
Streaks
GIF by Ramin NazerGiphy"I have astigmatism so I see light in streaks. For the longest time I thought that was how everyone saw it."
Onirity
hence the name...
"Visual snow. My whole life, my field of vision has always been covered by shifting multi-colored dots of light. Similar to light snow on an old TV transmission, hence the name. I see it all of the time, I never don't see it, though it is worse in the dark, or if staring at the sky. In the dark or when I close my eyes, it is all I see. I thought everyone had this until my early 20s."
smuffleupagus
"roll over laughing"
"I was joking around with my friends in 8th grade History and we were trying to see how many pencils we could stick into my friend's afro (with his consent) and right as I was trying to lift my arm and put the pencil in his hair one of them cracked a joke that sent us into a fit of laughter. My arms went limp and when my friends started coaxing me to put it in I told them I couldn't."
"They were noticeably confused, so when I regained my composure I explained that everytime I laugh, my muscles go limp and I am not be able to move them. It ranges from droopy head and weak knees, to full body collapse. Because of the term 'roll over laughing' and portrayals of people in media falling over in laughter I thought this happened to everyone, and they were just better at controlling it."
"My friends all agreed that it in fact did not happen to them, and that I should get it checked with a doctor. 1 year later I was diagnosed Type 1 Narcolepsy: a sleep disorder characterized by excessive daytime sleepiness, and Cataplexy. Cataplexy happens when a trigger, such as strong emotions like laughter or fear, trigger a sudden loss of muscle tone, making it difficult to move, stand, or even breathe."
I was lucky to be diagnosed as early and quick as I was, since the condition is widely unknown outside of the context of Narcolepsy patients and specialists. The symptoms of Narcolepsy are so common, in both puberty where it starts to present more heavily, and other diagnoses such and depression and anxiety."
"It's estimated that around 1 in 2,000 people have this disorder, and the lucky few that actually get diagnosed usually only do so later in life after 5-10+ years of multiple tests and misdiagnoses. The takeaway from this is that if you think that other people 'deal with it better' or 'suck it up' or 'control it better' chances are that's not normal, and you should speak up about it."
Savannahisded
The Friend Group
"I thought it was normal for every friend group to have one person that everyone picked on for no reason. I don't mean light roasting, I mean legitimately bullying them and putting them down. My brother's friend group had one, with my brother being a primary instigator."
"I was the punching bag in my middle school friend group. It took until the end of high school/the beginning of college for me to actually be treated like a person and realize that friends aren't supposed to make you feel like crap about yourself."
yeetgodmcnechass
You're gonna hear me...
brain roar GIFGiphy"The ability to make a roaring noise in my ears by tensing a muscle. link"
Jmen4Ever
The human body is a crazy thing. I sure the animal body is a sh**show too.
Once in awhile...
toilet bathroom GIF by South Park Giphy"Pooping once in 3-7 days. Since childhood I always do it in that frequency. However, when I was 21 my doctor told me that it's not normal at all and it should be everyday thing. I always thought that everyone does it once in 3-7 days, not everyday."
2 dippy eggs, please...
"I'm from Pennsylvania. Growing up, when we went to a restaurant and I ordered my favorite eggs, I would say, '2 dippy eggs, please.' It wasn't until I got married and moved out to the western part of the country that I realized most people don't call them that. I can still see the look on the waitress's face when I asked for dippy eggs. Apparently, most people call them 'sunny side up.'"
fourjoys99
For the Pizza
"Asking for permission. I was raised to always ask permission to have water, a snack, turn on the TV, or go to the bathroom any time I am in someone else's home. My best friend's mom thought it was weird that I would ask permission for small things. Like 'May I grab a knife and fork for my pizza?' instead of 'Where can I find a knife and fork?' was super weird to her."
Awkward_Society1
Lip Service
"Not being able to watch Movies/Shows without Close Captions or subtitles. Also never understanding what they are saying on the radio. Turns out, I have an Auditory Processing Disorder. If I don't see peoples lips moving my brain doesn't recognize they are words more than half the time."
SugarLily0420
Normal? Not
Season 10 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Having OCD. The thoughts that come with it I thought were normal for YEARSSS."
foxgirl1318
Well I have a lot to think about how I live my life.
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