It seems like sex is the ultimate gift when we discuss the ideas of the pleasure principle. But sex is not the end all be all. I know, you're shocked. Don't get me wrong, I like sex, but... I have had better experiences while shopping. Or winning an award.
Sometimes it's all the simple things in life that bring about the most joy.
Redditoru/oooliveoilwanted to hear about how everyone has indulged in G rated joy, by asking:
What was the greatest pleasure you ever felt?
Two names... Madonna and Adele. Have you ever been to either of their concerts? It's life-changing, I promise. The tears, the laughter, the euphoria... the pleasure, it was all there.
Toasted
Happy Jump GIF by notofagusGiphy"I had a dream that I was a toaster. I "woke" with a feeling of anticipation. Then I made toast with pure concentration. Afterwards I was entirely fulfilled, having accomplished the ultimate purpose of my existence."
Through the Nose
"This one is kind of gross FYI - I got surgery to fix a broken nose so I could breath better, this involved having my nose packed with packing (essentially tampons) for a few weeks. It wasn't the removal of the packing that was amazing, it was the first time I blew my nose shortly after."
"It felt like a 1/2 cup of mucus was pulled directly from my brain and there was a golf ball sized result in the tissue - the best feeling I ever experienced was directly after that where breathing through my nose was so incredibly easy I felt like a superhuman who conditioned in the Andes for months of something, I laughed with excitement."
Anamolies...
"I have an extremely rare (maybe 100 in the US) genetic anomaly that makes susceptible to growing GI tract and other cancers. I just had my 45th surgery (my younger sister has had 70). It's not the anesthesia I enjoy, but the pre anesthesia drugs they give you in the waiting bed, while under warmed up blankets. Hours of near bliss and conscious to enjoy it. Gotta look at the sunny side, right?"
I'm Wet
"The greatest nonsexual pleasure I've ever felt was 32 years ago. I was swimming with friends in the Pacific Ocean at Balboa Park in California. I got wiped out by a huge wave. My friends helped me out of the water, and I went and laid on the grass underneath palm trees looking up at the clear blue sky. A feeling of peace just washed over my body. I've never felt that kind of thing again."
Unclogged
loop people GIFGiphy"Had sinus surgery and removing the internal splints after about a week being clogged up was probably the best thing in the world."
- IrlCakal
Reliving physical pain is an ultimate pleasure. There is nothing like the relieving of a throbbing limb. And clearing up a sinus can be life changing. Tell me more...
Warming...
Happy Socks Coffee GIF by knoopsokGiphy"Putting my feet on or near my radiator after coming home from a cold day."
"I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!!"
"I had a small project go wrong. As I went to fix one part, a sub-part messed up. So I had to step back to work on that. Then a sub-sub-part messed up. I took another step back. What I expected to take 20 minutes took 4ish hours. But 3.5 hours in, I thought there was no way it would work out at all. When I got it all fixed, I did the Billy Madison I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!!! I've been riding that high for a few weeks now."
People Explain Which Conspiracy Theories They Believe Are 100% True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Hey Lobster...
"A pretty rich school mate treated us to a fancy restaurant for their birthday and they served us lobster ravioli for a starter. I can't explain the freaking explosion of joy and palette pleasure as I ate something like that for the first time. I don't know if it was the lobster itself, or the sauce. No meal has ever come close to how good that was. I can still remember it vividly 12 years later. Silly, but that's it."
125 Pages...
"After consulting 3 high powered attorneys about my fiancé's citizenship case, and being told they wouldn't take it bc it was impossible to win, I, a layperson spent a week, night and day, studying the law and putting together 125 pages document, received in the mail that he won the case and got his citizenship in the US."
- psychick
Day Off
Under The Covers Snow GIF by Fleischer StudiosGiphy"When school's cancelled for the day and you're half-asleep and overhear your mother tell your sister not to wake you up because school's out. Used to leave a smile on my face before snuggling back into my covers."
Best Ever
"Probably when I began to go to the gym. The first day was very rough because I have never went to a gym before, so I was really tired. When I got home I just took a hot shower, I let myself fell into my bed and man... I fell asleep like in 5 seconds, bro I reeeeeally slept well that night. The best sleep I've ever had."
Let it Go
"When a multi-day, vomit-inducing migraine finally lets go. I swear the brain gets flooded with good chemicals after that and you feel better than normal."
- sindk
"This should be the top comment. I lay on the bathroom floor convinced I was going to just... die. The pain just takes you to another place. Waking up the next morning feeling "normal" again was the best."
"flying"
"Wake induced lucid dreaming and flying in said dream. Never felt anything more pleasurable before."
"I used to be a competitive swimmer and was a lifeguard for the better part of 6 years. I used to have dreams of "flying" at the bottom of the crystal clear ocean. I still remember the sensation, the controlled breathing, my arms outstretched just gliding along."
Manga...
"Watching people enjoy food I cooked. It never gets old."
"Oh yeah, as someone who has cooked in fine dining and it turns into an industrial feeling with out any flair or individuality is being put in the dish, when I get the opportunity to cook one of my own dishes were I have experimented and perfected it, this is such a satisfying event. I love doing this for someone, expanding there flavor palate, it's a chef's dream. Our food is our art and self expression."
"And it saved me a lot of money, and created way better experiences when I've cooked for the SO on say their bday or Valentine's day. It always seems to mean a lot to them, a lot more than some over priced dinner where I have 0 control over the outcome of the dish. At least I know when I prepare it they will love it. Because I love them and I show this through food."
Hugs GIFI Got It!
"Getting a job offer (of your dream job) days after rounds of interview and assessments."
- ermermss
"Try months with several failed assessments, interviews, and majority of your emails being rejection emails. After almost 9 months after graduation and going ham on apps, got 3 all in one day. Biggest relief I've ever had."
"Getting a job after months of unemployment was what pulled me of rock bottom. Helped great with getting over my depression. I'll never forget those days and be grateful for it."
Merry Christmas
"It was Christmas Eve day and I was eating a pomegranate when one of the seeds became firmly lodged between molars. I tried floss and dental picks and toothpicks and the harder I worked to get it out the more firmly lodged it became. I knew I was facing being stuck with that seed between my teeth until after New years if I couldn't find someone to help."
"I called every single dentist in the phone book and finally a receptionist actually answered the phone and said they would be there until 4:00 and yes they could fit me in, and getting that pomegranate out between my molars was the best Christmas present ever."
"Spiritual State"
"This is weird, but the day I decided 100% to quit my toxic, full time job and retake my life even knowing I had no fall back. Driving two hours from my girl's house with the windows down, on a summer night with a warm breeze tussling my hair like getting a headpat by an angel, "Spiritual State" by Nujabes playing."
"This overwhelming feeling of sincerity and resolve took me over. Everything was on point. It wasn't a blast of pleasure you get when you do something cool like jumping off a 15 ft waterfall, but more of a glaze over of goodness and self care. Like my world opening up again."
The Run
Mo Farah Running GIF by NikeGiphy"Sitting down for the first time after completing my first Marathon... I swear that feeling was better than any orgasm. It almost made me cry."
- liaotown
Pushed Magic
"I once had a massage where I could feel what I can only describe as strings of stress being pushed out of my back. I could actually feel these things being ungrouped and pushed out of my shoulder blades. I still try and get massages when I can but have never felt that since. It was a magical moment."
That is a good list of fabulousness. Except the gym, I hate the gym. That is not a happy place, for me. Endorphins be damned.
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Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked:
"What is the weirdest animal fact you know?"
Like Perry
"Platypus glow blueish green under ultraviolet light."
"They also don’t have nipples, they just exude milk from glands under the skin and the baby’s lap it up."
~ WakingOwl1
"They have electrolocation in their bills that lets them detect their food under water."
~ DrPlatypus1
"And they lay eggs."
"The more I find out about them the more I understand why people first thought they were fake."
~ Reidroshdy
"After seeing all these platypus facts I am convinced these things are aliens that have been abandoned on Earth."
~ SeattleOne206
Kapow!
"Mantis Shrimp have 16 different sets of cones. Rods and cones are in your eyes. Cones see color, rods see light and motion."
"Dogs have 2 sets of cones—green and blue. Humans have 3 sets of cones—green, blue and red."
"Mantis Shrimp are seeing colors we can't comprehend and explains why they're very colorful."
"That’s not even the strangest thing about them."
"They can also punch as fast as a .22 bullet which cause a cavitation bubble which boils the water around them at temperatures of several thousand Kelvins."
~ RigzDigz
GiphyTerrible Twos
"Cats have the mental capacity of a 2-year-old which makes a lot of sense."
~ Alive_Ad823
Cats Dragging GIFGiphyLike Tinder
"When a female sloth wants a mate she'll hang onto a tree branch and just scream."
~ Remarkable_Sink2542
GiphyGood Thing They're So Small
"Dragonflies are the most successful predators on Earth."
"When lions choose prey they have like a 10% chance of catching it."
"African painted dogs—who hunt in packs—have the highest kill rate of any mammal, successfully catching 51% of their prey."
"When a dragonfly locks onto a target, it has a 99.9% success rate!"
~ PurpleInevitable2103
GiphyOn A Swivel
"Owls have really long necks, but it's hard to notice that because their feathers are so fluffy."
~ ergonaut
GiphyWhat About Cousin It?
"Sea otters are the most densely furred animal with 600,000 to 1,000,000 hair follicles per square inch."
"Dogs have about 15,000 per square inch, humans on average are between 800 to 1,290 hairs per square inch."
~ atom1129
Giphy
Sucker Punchers
"Octopus punch other fish for no reason—so, for fun."
~ Samanthalynn8915
"There's a direct correlation between species' intelligence and dickish behavior."
~ TheDesktopNinja
Looks Are Deceiving
"Polar bear fur isn't white—it's translucent (for most frequencies of light). And they have black skin underneath."
"So polar bear fur lets all the light through to their black skin to warm them—except for a few visible frequencies to keep them camouflaged as white."
~ seedanrun
GiphyWho's Going To Attack One‽‽
"Honey badgers can turn their a**holes inside out and use the smell to deter attackers."
"Not sure what exactly has the guts to attack a honey badger, but if they have the courage to do so, the badger sure as hell isn’t gonna make it easy."
~ nonexistantauthor
GiphyBig Momma
"The Blanket Octopus exhibits the highest degree of sexual dimorphism known."
"Females: About 6 feet across."
"Males: About one inch."
~ Fabulous-Pause4154
High Times
"Dolphins will intentionally use puffer fish to get high."
~ altkaldra
"They upset blowfish so they inflate, and therefore emit poison. It gets the dolphins high. Then they pass it around, literally."
~ smack4u
"Not just the dolphins. I recently saw a video about 10 animals that like to get high. Very interesting."
~ s137leo__
"Lemurs do that with giant centipedes/millipedes too."
~ chubbyknuckles420
Fabrizio Frigeni on Unsplash
Better Than Bike Helmets
"Woodpeckers' tongues wrap around their brains to cushion them from the vibrations of slamming their face into trees all day."
~ we_made_yewww
"Their tongues also have barbs to grab bugs out of the holes."
"Their brains have additional cushioning because, you know, they spend their days smashing their face as hard as possible into trees."
~ RhynoD
Detachable Organs
"Argonauts [paper nautili] are small octopuses that are too lazy to have intercourse."
"They detach their penises and toss them into the open sea to mate with female argonauts."
"The detachable 'd*ck' is a tiny tentacle, complete with suckers and sperm, that develops in a cavity under the eye of a male argonaut [paper nautilus]."
"When it's time to mate, the tentacle explodes out of the cavity, instantly killing the male argonaut. The tentacle then swims towards a female argonaut to insert itself."
"Sexy, huh?"
~ Schwarzes__Loch
What's your favorite weird animal fact?
Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.
But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.
If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.
Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:
"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"
You might find these guys at a bar.
The Dude Must Be Hungry
"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."
– insertitherenow
"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."
– TheEighthLord
If The Shoe Fits
"That they were an alpha male."
– I_Have_A_Name37654
"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."
– 88Dubs
Brat Pack
"Me and my bros are all alpha males."
– SonOfDadOfSam
"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."
– NicPizzaLatte
They sure thrive on making sexist comments.
Contagious Femininity
"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"
– Lazy_Natural6154
"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"
– aliebabadegrote
Sexist Categorization
"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."
"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."
"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."
"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."
"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."
"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."
– ExaminationDouble240
It's Teamwork
"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."
"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."
– Mrbeardoesthethings
Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?
Childish Things Are Too Girly
"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."
– constructionguy89
"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."
"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."
– Green7000
This Woman's Work
"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."
– MrFunktasticc
People discussed rules in the bedroom.
Never Submissive
"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"
– kamalaophelia
Stifling Emotions
"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."
– LambLifts
In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.
The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.
This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.
I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.
We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.
Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.
Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.
As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.
Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"
The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...
"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."
"We had to have an assembly about it."
"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky
Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time
"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."
"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."
"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."
"It wasn't."
"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."
"I quit a few weeks later."
"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin
The Bread Of Heaven
"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."
"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate
catholic the exorcist GIFGiphyRetracing Steps...
"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."
"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."
"Always kept about a half block behind."
"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."
"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep
Hygeine Be Damned...
"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia
exercise push up GIFGiphyBad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...
"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."
"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."
"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."
"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."
"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."
"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."
"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."
"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."
"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop
Things Best Left To Professionals...
"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."
"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."
"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist
uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphyAt Least A Lesson Was Learned...
"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."
"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."
"He ran off and no one saw."
"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile
All Creatures Deserve Love
"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."
'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."
"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn
That's What Friends Are For...
"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."
"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."
"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100
Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphyNot The Right Kind Of Manure...
"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."
"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."
"I did this because I was bored."
"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse
A Little Fantasy Now And Then...
"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."
"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."
"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."
"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."
"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."
'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."
"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."
"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343
dating app GIFGiphyIf anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.
Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.
Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.