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People Describe The Dumbest Ways They Ever Injured Themselves As Children

We really need to pay attention more as children. That's a hindsight lesson that we never truly get soon enough. We run too fast. We never look both ways and we always don't care. That's what being a kid is all about. And that is also why so much of our adolescence is spent in an ER.

Nine times out of ten all the injuries could be avoided with a little less stupidity. We're all guilty as silly sin, so let's chat.

Redditor u/Ital_Il_Grandewanted to discuss the ways we've gotten ourselves wounded in the past due to lack of "brain power," by asking:

What's the dumbest way you injured yourself as a kid?

I once cracked my front tooth because I chose to swing around a pole like a stripper. I neglected to notice the rock in my path and once my speed picked up... BOOM!

Man Down

Tired Give Up GIF by Boomerang OfficialGiphy

"I was bunk buddies with my brother, I always had the lower bunk. one night I convinced my brother to give me the top bunk. woke up in the middle of the night needing to pee. didn't realise I was on the top, face planted the floor. fractured my arm."

- jbearpvcxvzSf

Roll Away

"I attempted to take my brand new roller skates on pavement. I did not understand that it was a terrible idea, I was quite young. I fell and broke my wrist trying to catch myself so I would not land on my butt, which as an adult I think probably would have been preferable."

"When the doctor removed my cast, I was screaming and crying for him to stop because he was burning me with that tool. He assured my mother I was only scared and I was held down so he could finish. I have a permanently disfiguring scar on my hand as a result."

"I do not know what is stupider, that an adult automatically assumes a child is screaming from fear and not agony, or that I took roller skates on pavement instead of waiting for rollerblades. Now that I am thinking on it, I believe that was the first actively traumatizing memory I have. What came before is only half remembered, for which I am grateful."

- micarst

Stay Sober

"When I was 6 years old I stole a beer at a neighborhood party. Someone saw me and asked me what I thought I was doing, so I told him I was getting it for my dad. He believed me, I drank the beer and got drunk. As now known to me you should not drink and drive. I learned that that day as I crashed my tricycle. That is the story of my 6 concussions. Also, I can proudly say I have never driven drunk since!"

- P3pie002

Stop, drop and roll...

"I was told to start the fire on the outdoor grill and was given a cup of gasoline. Age 11. I lit the fire and then spilled the gas on my arm as I tossed the cup on the flames. The fire like... caught and climbed up the liquid while it was in the air and back into the cup in my hand. My arm caught fire before the liquid fully fell onto the grill. I was so shocked I kind of stood there for a second before my 9yr-old brother shoved me down and started screaming, "Stop, drop and roll. Drop and roll!"

- ForestOfHandsNTeeth

Dumb Kids

Mad Marbles GIF by DIRTY VELVET CLOTHINGGiphy

"I think I was like 2 or 3, and my older brother ripped open a beanie baby and shoved a ungodly amount of the beads in our ears. I was a dumb freaking kid. Doctor had to wash and suck out like 20+ beads out of my brothers and I ears."

- r_i_g_g_a_m_a_roll

I never understood the marble fascination. They seem like weapons of mass destruction. And I know roller skates is death on wheels.

Classic

funny kid stuck GIFGiphy

"Head stuck in the banister, classic."

- TapeDeckSlick

Slippin'

"Back when I was a toddler my mom would often bring me and my sisters to my grandmother for her to babysit us. One time while there, i climbed up a flight of stairs on the outside of the stairs. The stairs had a banister i could hold, but once i had reached the top, i slipped and fell 3 meters down."

"I fell down on the playden where my baby sister laid. I fell right on the edge on my belly and luckily both my sister and myself were okay. The real stupid part came when my mom came to pick us up. My grandmother was real nervous and told my mom the big lines, but didn't see it so could not tell everything that happened."

"So my mom asked me to explain what happened. I screamed: I will show you! And ran back up the stairs. My mom and grandmother tried to stop me of course. But before they could i was already on my way down. And that is the story of my 4 concussion."

- P3pie002

The Chunk

"When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade the teacher had us move our desks around in class for some reason. We had those kind of desks with the wooden top and the metal cubby underneath. At one point I bent down to grab something off the floor and somehow slammed my mouth into the metal part and chipped one of my front teeth."

"I amazingly didn't freak out, and I don't even think it hurt that much, but I looked down and there my tooth chunk was on the floor by my feet. I didn't ask to go to the nurse or even tell my teacher what happened, and I guess no one saw it cause I don't remember anyone asking if I was alright. In that moment, all my little kid brain could think was that I could probably still get at least a quarter from the tooth fairy for this, as no one had specified that she needed full teeth for the exchange."

"So I just casually slipped it into my pocket and didn't say a word about it for the rest of the day. When I got home I showed my mom to get her thoughts on what I could get for the tooth chunk, but surprisingly she wasn't as eager to talk business as I was. My tooth is fine now so I assume it was a baby tooth, so no harm done. I didn't get my due interest for the tooth chunk which I think is actually the most painful part of the whole thing."

- Mudbud16

daredevil escapades...

"I had made a jump for my bike out of 2 cinderblocks and a piece of plywood. I was having the time of my life jumping my bike pretending it was a motorcycle. Then it stated to rain. I put my bike in the garage and waited by the window for the rain to stop so I could continue my daredevil escapades in the driveway. Well, after about an hour, the rains let up and I ran outside got my bike and pedaled my bike as fast as I could go."

"I was completely unaware of what effect water has on plywood. I hit the jump, the wood bent in a way it had not bent before the rain and I was launched straight up in the air. landed back first on the 2 cinderblocks and then the bike landed on top of me. With the wind knocked out of me I laid there in quiet agony, not having the air in my lungs to muster a decent cry of pain for a few minutes."

- ELPwork

Thumbs Down

thumb cooking GIF by Disney PixarGiphy

"I was too afraid of going down a slope on a skateboard, so I decided to try to go down while sitting on the skateboard. My thumb went under the wheel and the nail was pulled out right away. It hurt like hell."

- brdieselp

How we survive long enough to reach puberty is a miracle. We should be made to live in bubble wrap until college. I send good luck to all.

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A man and woman naked and snuggling
Photo by Dainis Graveris

Sex is natural, sex is fun.

So sayeth the great George Micahel.

Spontaneous lovemaking leaves a lasting impression.

Or at least a great ten minutes.

Redditor hockeysmyh*e wanted to hear about all the times sex came as a surprise, so they asked:

"What is the most unexpected time you’ve ever had sex?"

One day in college... all it took...

Me on one escalator.

Him on another.

One wink.

Nerves

Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy

"After what I thought was a horrible 1st date. She was on her phone literally the entire time. When we get to her house she says 'Wanna come inside?' Turns out, she was just nervous on the date."

earic23

Questions Answered

"I was a very young-looking 22-year-old volunteering at a film festival as community service for a reckless driving ticket."

"One of the filmmakers visiting from another country who was around 30 started talking to me and she kept asking me weird questions like what year I graduated high school and whether I liked certain 15-year-old music."

"I was like this chick is weird, but then she said do you live around here, we went back to my apt and ended up having sex. Afterward, I was like - why did you ask me all those weird questions? And she said, 'I was trying to figure out if you were old enough!'"

"We ended up hanging out the whole week and then she went back home and that was it. Good times."

kaspm

And Nothing Else...

"I was at a hotel in college with a bunch of other college kids and a bunch of us were in one room drinking. I had to go to the bathroom but someone was using the one where we were. I said I was going back to my room to use that one and also to get some more beer. A girl in the group asked if she could come with me. When I came out of the bathroom she was wearing one of my t-shirts. And nothing else. I did not go back to the party room with more beer."

Amesb34r

Right Then and There...

"I got late-night sushi with a friend. She treated me since I was going through a nasty breakup. After a few sakes, we began to head out. She grabbed me by the sleeve and pulled me into the bathroom. She began hard-core kissing me and we ended up having sex right then and there."

topherthepest

Gor For It

like a virgin madonna GIFGiphy

"Gondola lift going up a mountain in Switzerland. My wife and we’re backpacking for 21 days around Europe and unexpectedly found ourselves alone on the gondola. We just looked at each other, smiled, and went for it. Fantastic experience."

CBus-Eagle

That gondola must have had might strong cables!

New bucket list item.

Burn Off

So Excited Reaction GIF by OriginalsGiphy

"Against the side of my boyfriend’s house while his family ate dinner inside."

"He wanted to take me up to his room, his parents said no, so he said we were going for a walk instead. Burn off some energy. It was surprisingly great."

whitneywestmoreland

'Ayyyy'

"For the record, I'm the most oblivious person ever. But a friend of mine invited me to attend her yoga class with her. I didn't think about it at the time but she was giving me a lot of hands-on attention and help. We went back to her place afterward and walked and talked on a Greenway near her house."

"She said something along the lines of 'I'll tell you a secret if you tell me one' and I said some s**t about not believing in myself and she told me she was 'trying to get f**ked tonight.'"

"I didn't realize she meant by me but as a joke, I said 'Ayyyy' like I was Fonzy or something and put my arm around her. The next thing I know she's putting her tongue in my mouth, I realized that I'm brain dead, and things progressed from there."

slaughterpuss25

Pillow Fight

"I went over to a friend's house. She and I had been friends since elementary school and never took it further than that because we had no interest in it. Anywho, we were watching TV in the living room having a fun debate back and forth and she threw a pillow at me so I threw it back at her and it started a pillow fight, she grabbed me and tried to take the pillow from me."

"We were not extremely close to each other and we noticed it and looked at each other...i t then turned into sex in the living room, leading into her bedroom. Afterward, we laid in bed and talked for a while and then it continued for several years. Now we’re married with two kids."

Metalblacksheep

NOW!!

"When my wife and I were dating, she drove a friend out of town to see her husband, who was just completing boot camp, and I tagged along for the weekend. We spent that 1st night in the same room, with us in one bed and the friend in the other. I wasn't expecting anything, seeing as how we had someone 'THISCLOSE' to us, but after we thought the friend fell asleep, my wife started kissing and groping me."

"She said she wanted it, but I resisted. After a couple more minutes, she finally just flat-out said 'Do Me. Now.' It was the most unexpected, slowest, quietest, and hottest sex ever. The next day, the friend made a comment that she couldn't sleep because we were moving around too much. She knew."

cb0044

The Crush

Alicia Silverstone Flirting GIFGiphy

"In the car with a co-worker who was driving me home. I admitted to another co-worker that I had an extreme crush on this girl. What I didn't know was that she immediately told her about my crush."

"So when she offered to drive me home (I always walked, it was only a couple of miles) I thought she was just being nice and taking me home... lol."

Real_Bug

Clearly we all need to be reading the signs and signals.

We miss out on so much.

Female patient cringing while listening to doctor
Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Though it may not occur to us, the longer we work in a field, the more we distance ourselves from the public perception of it.

Doctors are a great example of this, as they may forget what it's like to be a patient without deep medical knowledge when they're going through something troubling.

Because of this, sometimes doctors make out-of-touch comments that feel totally mundane to them, but the patient listening may find the comment to be incredibly inconsiderate or even alarming.

Curious about others' experiences, Redditor CR24752 asked:

"What's the weirdest thing a medical professional has casually said to you?"

Thanks for the Complex

"When I was like 20, my endocrinologist took a good look at me and asked, 'Are you okay with your face being so asymmetrical?'"

"I had never really noticed it before, but boy have I noticed it since!"

- Fragrant-Opinion2021

A Dental Prodigy

"When I was 12, I had a dentist say, 'Hold on, I think I might be counting wrong, you shouldn't have those yet... Okay, never mind, those are definitely your wisdom teeth. Your mouth is just huge, I guess.'"

"They then said I was the youngest they'd ever seen anyone get their wisdom teeth. So much so, they called in every dentist in the building to come to look at my mouth."

- kodlab115

Not That Funny

"Following a checkup... They said, 'We're going to have to remove your testicles... Just kidding, you should've seen your face.'"

- realpren

Highly Memorable

​"After destroying my knee riding BMX at 17, the emergency surgeon said, 'Wow, really f**ked that up.'"

"10 years later and after another serious knee injury from riding, I saw the same surgeon (he did a great job on the first one)."

"The first words out of his mouth were, 'I remember you. F**ked up the other one, huh?'"

- brianbmx94

"I like this guy. He waited 10 years for that moment."

- forestNargacuga

"D**n, I don’t know how I’d feel knowing I f**ked up enough to be remembered by an emergency surgeon."

- Reins22

"Not great, lol (laughing out loud). I literally 'broke' my knee 90 degrees sideways. It had to be forced straight (by him), and then we immediately went into surgery to repair basically every ligament and piece of soft tissue in there. Lucky I didn’t get a fake knee at 17 from that one."

- brianbmx94

"Since I'm not sure which knee this was, I just griped both of mine in horror, just to be safe. Hope that's cool."

- boobookenny

Not in Favor of Being Tall

"Back pain, I’m not young. The doctor just said basically, 'Well, that’s just life for you. You’re tall.'"

"'So I’m just going to end up being a hunched over 90-year-old?'"

"'Lol (laughing out loud), you’re not going to see 90.'"

"'Um… pardon?'"

"'How many tall old people have you ever seen?'"

"'Oh… yeah… okay.'"

- The_Town_of_Canada

"Oof. Unfortunately, he has a point. For a while, I knew a guy who was over six foot, five inches, and worked as a genetic counselor."

"One time we were chatting and he just casually mentioned that he wasn’t expecting to get terribly old. He knew the statistics because of his job, and the odds are not good for people over six feet."

"On the other hand, that’s just averages, not an individual outcome. Plenty of short people die in car accidents in their twenties, and plenty of tall people live well into old age."

- Should_be_less

Textbook Anomaly Examples

"The doctor said, 'If you don’t mind, I’d like to show everyone pictures of your tonsils.'"

"According to her, I had the most disgusting tonsils she had ever seen in her years in the business, and gosh darn, she wanted to show them off."

- Old_Army90

"I had a similar experience at a dentist. I apparently had a very rare problem and even the oldest doctor only had seen this two times in his life. For the next few sessions, all other doctors were called in and he showed them it."

"I was fine with it, but it was an odd situation sitting on the dentist's chair while four doctors and a few nurses were around you and looked very interested in what would happen next."

"So I was the real-life example for a textbook lecture."

- memesforbismarck

Not Answering the Same Question

"A nurse of some kind took my blood pressure. He said what the numbers were."

"I asked, 'Is that good?'"

"He said, 'I’m not qualified to give you a professional opinion on the matter. You should ask your doctor.'"

"I asked, 'But like, unprofessionally, is that good?'"

"He said, 'Unprofessionally? Well, in my purely personal opinion that I am sharing with you as an individual and not in any medical or official capacity whatsoever, you should buy stronger deodorant.'"

"For clarity, I was definitely stinky, I was homeless at the time. I was well aware of this fact. If you’re worried you’re a little funky, don’t. You would almost assuredly notice if you smelled really bad."

- InABoxOfEmptyShells

Already an Awkward Enough Situation

"'You just hang on right there; we will get you a wheelchair and admitted to the hospital. We have to do a colonoscopy, but don’t worry, I will knock you out before sticking a camera up your a**.'"

- MacDugin

"My GI (Gastroenterologist) doctor was named (no lie) Dr. Stiff. After my last colonoscopy, he told me in the recovery room: 'Well, that’s the last time you’re getting Stiffed. I’m retiring at the end of the year.'"

- mum2girls

"I appreciate people who turn their names into verbs."

- Nike-6

Pregnancy Talk

"I told an OB-GYN during an exam that my husband and I had just started trying to get pregnant, and she said, 'Are you tracking your cycle or just f**king all time?'"

"Hearing that come out of a small elderly woman was freaking hilarious! She was close to retirement and had zero filter, and now I miss her!"

- WiscoCheeses

"My OB-GYN told me that I had a wonderful uterus, just after he commented how cute my socks were."

- sarcastic_whatever

Awkward...

"'My son is about your age and single, do you want his number?'"

"This was said by my Gynecologist..."

- My_dal

Oh No, Not Like That

"My previous OB-GYN came through my line at my old job. For some reason, I blanked on who he was. Like, I knew I knew him, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember how."

"He saw I was struggling and said, 'Don't remember me? I'll give you a hint: last time I saw you, you were in my office with your ankles in the air!'"

"He said this loudly, in front of a line of little old ladies fresh from church, wanting to buy flowers from the garden center."

"He was an amazing doctor and figured out what was wrong with me when no other doctor could, but in that moment, the embarrassment could have killed me lol (laughing out loud)."

- Marauder424

"Being a knowledgeable, and even brilliant, doctor and being completely socially inept often go hand in hand."

- OpalRose1993

The Silver Lining

"I had a doctor tell me that my metabolism is so slow that I would do very well in an apocalypse."

- Rosemary324

"My doctor told me this when he noticed my chronic low body temperature and asked me other questions about weight gain and pooping frequency."

"He said, 'Some people are just built to hibernate. You're just, like, hibernating all the time.'"

"This was in the same conversation where he diagnosed me with a sleep disorder too. I can't even hibernate properly."

- wheatgrass_feetgrass

Such a Cool Moment

"I was getting my blood drawn for a mono test back around 2006. The older lady nurse asked me what sort of music I liked."

"I figured she was making small talk to get my mind off the needles, so I rattled off a few bands I’d been listening to."

"One of them happens to be Postal Service. She said, 'Oh, I know that one!'"

"I replied, 'Yeah, it’s the same lead singer as Death Cab for Cutie.'"

"She said, 'I know. He’s my son.'"

- piconese

"'Such Great Heights' is one of my top 10 favorite songs of all time. How cool."

- subieluvr22

"Yeah, I still love Postal Service. She was very nice, and I said something along the lines of, 'You must be so proud!'"

"I just really hope I meet Ben Gibbard someday so I can tell him that his mom took my blood, lol (laughing out loud)."

- piconese

Only in Ireland

"I live in Ireland, the surgeon who replaced my hip is also a farmer."

"The day before I was due to be discharged, he came in on his rounds, and he said, 'I may or may not see you tomorrow, it depends on the dog.'"

"So I said, 'Okay, what’s up with the dog?'"

"He told me the dog broke his leg and was having it set tomorrow, but he wasn’t sure what time, so I said, 'Sure, bring in the old dog, and I’ll mind him' (this is rural Ireland bear in mind and I was in the convalescent area of the hospital by then)."

"Shortly after breakfast the next day, he arrived in with the dog, a lovely border collie with his leg in plaster. He stayed with me watching TV until he doctor was finished replacing another person's hip and was ready to discharge me and we could all go home."

"It could only happen in Ireland."

- Rosieapples

From funny to wildly awkward, most of these comments were at least funny enough that someone could share them at a gathering for a good laugh from the crowd.

A few were alarming, however, and definite reasons for people to want to switch doctors.

coffee date
Jonathan J. Castellon/Unsplash

Infatuation is a curious thing.

One moment, you can be swept up in major adoration for someone to such a degree that you can't stop thinking about them.

But the next moment, you may suddenly find yourself moving on.

What is it that drives someone to lose their lust for their former object of affection?

Curious to hear from strangers who experienced going from hot to cold in casual dating, Redditor Romeothanh asked:

"Men who suddenly lost your interest in someone but for a weird reason, what was it??"

Questionable behaviors were seen as major turn-offs.

Poor Parenting

"The way she treated her children, her boy was permitted everything and her daughter had to follow very strict rules."

"I didn't have to ask to know what was going on, the boy's real father wasn't her ex-husband but a guy she had an affair with at work, her daughter was really from her ex-husband. She was always resentful of her upbringing and then her marriage for impeding some kind of dreamed life she thought she was entitled to. So the boy was seen as a piece of that dream and the girl was a piece of her boring life but she was also reliving her childhood through her and pushing her to excel in sports, school and manners and reveling in her daughter's accomplishments as if they were hers."

– Telesto1087

Past Grievances

"She accused me of cheating on her in a past life."

"I told her 'I don’t remember that.'”

– Breloren

"Sounds like something someone who cheated in a past life would say!"

– thefirecrest

At Least She Washes Her Hands...

"She spat in her hands and rubbed them together because she 'needed to wash them.' I cannot describe the colossal speed at which that switch turned off."

– whitesebastian

"Was she some sort of 1930’s farm hand or construction worker?"

– valueduser

There were some serious red flags.

Schadenfreude

"A elderly gentlemen fell in front of us, he took a nasty fall."

"She found it hilarious, instead of helping she just stood there laughing. I helped that person out and I felt so embarrassed for her behavior."

"Also that was the last time I saw her. It was a major turn off for me."

– oxide-NL

Good Guy Vs. Bad Guy

"I invited the girl from my psych course I'd been vibing with to a party. Her car rolled up and I came out to greet her, but it was a dude's car, and she was drunkenly making out with him as I walked up. I didn't flip out or anything, but she slurred her way through some weird attempt at reassuring me that I shouldn't worry, 'cause she was only sleeping with him to punish him because he was a bad guy (apparently that's a thing she does), and that I was a good guy. I didn't ask what happened to good guys. I felt bad for her date, whom she completely ignored the rest of the night. As for the girl, she ended up totally engrossed with the party host's gerbil, tapping on the glass of its cage whispering how she wanted to kill it. I found somewhere new to sit in psych class for the rest of the semester."

– MissionofQorma

I'm Generous And You're Gonna Like It

"She kept buying me stuff. It was nice at first but she kept doing it weekly and demanded I give gifts in return. I asked her to stop and she said "nope this is what I do." Felt like she didn't even care about what I wanted."

– Dry-Enthusiasm3515

Easiest Breakup Ever

"It was a really horrible relationship even this aside but my 'wow i think i actually hate this person' moment was when we were at Badlands National Park. We were just walking out of the gift shop with some other woman when she just let go of the door and it like slammed into that womans face. I said to her 'omg im so sorry' then when we got to the car i said to my gf in like a joking tone 'i cant beliehe you didnt hold the door for her haha' and because she was a very very miserable person all the time this makes her mad and she goes 'well YOURE the man youre supposed to hold the door. I dont NEED to hold the door for anybody' and yeah that one statement alone was very... eye opening for me."

"Seriously the easiest least heartbreaking break up ive ever gone through."

– ILoveTikkaMasala

The Cat Recognized Evil

"My cat didn't like her."

"Brought her home to introduce her to my parents, she meets my childhood cat and. It. Goes. Psychotic. Just for her reaching down to pat him, he panicked, attached himself to her arm, and wouldn't let go, just clawing at her like he found a demon to fight or something. When he eventually detached himself (they were both running around the room screaming as she tried to wave him off her arm) I checked her over and he did some damage. He's never reacted like that to anyone before or since. We broke it off shortly later."

"I found out a few years ago she was in the court system. Why? She tried to kill her own kid. I didn't dodge a bullet because of my cat, I dodged an artillery shell."

– GryphonicOwl

It's not me, it's you.

So Rude

"She didn’t hold the door open to people just meeting her at the door, would let it slam on people behind her, didn’t do the little thank you wave to other cars that let her out, didn’t say please and thank you to serving staff. She wasn’t overtly rude, she just had a bit of a me,me,me vibe."

– Hellenicparadise

Norwegian Love

"She told me she was pregnant and it was mine, 2 days after sleeping with me for the first (and only) time. Then proceeded to tell me she had a boyfriend."

"I should have twigged earlier really. She flew from Norway to sleep with me and flew back the next day."

– Perseus73

Face Reveal

"I’d been talking to this girl in class I thought was really cool. We ended up going for a bite after class one day and she suggested we go hang out in my dorm room. Hell yeah."

"Then she took off her glasses and she looked exactly like my mom. It was so jarring I excused myself to the bathroom to regroup, but when I came back I couldn’t unsee my mom’s face on her."

"I made some lame excuse and went back alone. I felt bad about bailing on her but I also how the hell would I tell her the real reason? Either she thinks I’m a weirdo or thinks I’m saying she looks like she’s in her fifties."

– OneSmoothCactus

Don't Speak

"My mate ghosted a girl simply because he didn't like her cadence when she spoke."

– Random-chick-98

My shallowest moment was years ago when I ghosted a hot tennis player I was dating because he had a particularly annoying gait.

Anytime we would walk around the city (in New York), he would gradually lean into me and prevent us from walking a straight path.

I thought he was deliberately trying to get close but it turned out that one of his legs was shorter than the other resulting in him taking uneven steps.

When he explained his situation, it weirded me out.

I didn't have the heart to tell him why I could no longer see him, so I just stopped responding to his incessant messages about when we were meeting next.

I remain regretful to this day about my immature behavior, and I wish him the best wherever he is.