Delivery Drivers Share Their Most Awkward Experiences At Someone's Door
I'm going to be honest here, I've never worked as a delivery person in any capacity. There's a reason for that. I grew up very close to my cousins. One, who was about three years older than me, took her first job as a delivery driver for a wings place. She quit after one hilariously awkward incident - and according to what I just read on Reddit, she's not the only one.
So let me set the scene, this is Christmas time in South Florida - so there are little hats on all the flamingos, our palm trees are lit up all fancytime, and Santa is chillin in board shorts. Christmas carols filled the air as she pulled up to the house to make her delivery. Now, if you're thinking things like Jingle Bells then you're clearly not from South Florida. Here, we have only Feliz Navidad - which we reserve for sacred moments - and THE official South Florida Christmas Carol, which was blasting. I'll tell you what it is in a second.
When the customer opened the door, it was a young latina who had apparently been hitting the coquito HARD that night. She took one look at my obviously afro-latina cousin, drunkenly shouted "WEPAAA!!!", grabbed her by the arm and dragged her inside. The family then proceeded to force my cousin to sing Mi Burrito (nope, I'm not kidding, that's what we listen to and it's about a donkey not an actual burrito, relax.) very very loudly with them while it blasted on repeat through the speakers.
Cousin had to let them beatbox and sing the song three whole times before they were satisfied, paid her, tipped her well, and let her go... but not before the entire family hugged her.
(If you've never heard it and you want to know what Christmas in South Florida is like, go grab some coconut rum and enjoy this four minutes of festive before moving on. There's rapping, way more percussion than the baby Jesus probably needs, it's sung by a kid, and most of us have twerked to it. Merry Christmas, right!?!)
So yeah, between that and some of these stories on Reddit, I'm 100% positive that delivery work is just not for me. If I can avoid getting dragged into someone's Christmas rap battle, having to touch the hole in anyone's head, or getting paid by a giant talking squirrel I will. Read through people's awkward delivery experiences (some were edited for language or clarity) and if you have your own horror stories, share them!
Definitely No Girlfriend There
I used to deliver Chinese food. I was a 19yr old female, so I had my fair share of creeps hitting on me, or drunk guys grabbing me, but nothing that ever made me feel unsafe. I was also the only driver, so all of the regulars knew me, and I knew all of them. This one time, I went to a house I'd been to before, but it was a different unit in the house. A guy was standing out in the front yard. It was like ten degrees out, so that was weird. I parked and took the food over, and the guy says he recognized my car from the neighbors ordering so he came out. He was middle aged, with a sufficiently creepy manner to him. The total is like $20; I give him the food and he gives me $30, and asks for $5 back.
Of course I don't have exact change, so I tell him just to give me the $20 and not to worry about it. He insists that he tips me, and starts saying "just come up with me and I'll get you some change." I'm already creeped out, and I keep telling him it's really fine. Then he goes "come on, I'll see if my girlfriend has change." That, of course, puts me at ease. If he's got a girlfriend in his apartment, he's probably not gonna attack me or anything.
So I follow him up these stairs at the back of the house (on the outside; he had the upstairs unit) and make a point of staying outside while he goes in the door. Then he starts going "oh it's so freezing outside, just come in a sec while I get the change." He was really insistent, so I just stepped halfway inside the screen door. He keeps trying to beckon me in and tries to shut the door behind me, but I'm looking around this tiny apartment, and there's definitely no one else in there. I panic and stammer that it's against restaurant policy for me to come inside, and I back out of the doorway despite him trying to assure me he'd get a tip for me if I just came in for a sec and trying to shut me in.
I tell him it's really fine- Merry Christmas and all that. I book it down the stairs and to my car, and he stands there on the deck staring at me as I leave.
I quit shortly after.
As a pizza guy in college, I had a gun pulled on me as a 'joke' at the door.
Guy opened up the door with what looked like probably a .45 or something pointed in my face and said something like "Who the f^ck are you?"
His wife and two young kids were standing behind him and everyone had a biiiiiig laugh at my expense. Not surprisingly, he gave me a shitty tip and then immediately went on the DO NOT DELIVER list.
Superbowl And A Dead Son
My junior year in high school I worked at a Chinese food restaurant as their delivery guy. It was Super Bowl Sunday and surprisingly we were not getting much business. (I guess pizza is the main choice for football games.) That night I delivered to an elderly mans home and he noticed me glancing at his TV in his living room to check the score. There were only 3 minutes left in the 4th quarter so he invited me inside to watch the end of the game.
We sit down in his living room and during a commercial break he tells me about how his son would always drive across the country to come and visit every year to watch the Super Bowl with him. I noticed a sad look on his face and he then explains how his son was killed in Afghanistan 5 years prior and how I reminded him of his son. Me and this random elderly man watched the last 3 minutes of the super bowl together. He ended up tipping me $40 and thanked me for sitting with him during the end of the game.
It was sort of awkward at first but looking back on it, I'm glad I was able to bring back some good memories for him.
Squirrel And A Pink Tutu
I do delivery for a deli/pizza/ice cream shop. This happened just the other night.
I was greeted at the door by a 400lb hairy man wearing nothing but a pink tutu. Thank God his family jewels were hidden. As he's signing the receipt, I hear a woman ask if it was the food and he confirmed. Out of nowhere comes this woman wearing a full furry squirrel costume (head and all) and hands me a $20 tip.
As I'm putting my phone away, both of them are standing there nonchalantly, checking their order, and acting like what I was witnessing was completely normal. Like everybody dressed that way at home. I ended up driving my car a couple houses down and having a good WTF laugh before heading back to the shop.
I delivered to a motel and the guy had climbed off his girlfriend to answer the door. He didn't bother trying to cover himself and made no attempt at covering up the girl. I turned and looked at the street while he searched for his money. He barely closed the door before he was already back on top.
Delivering pizzas and an obese black man at the door offers sex instead of money for the 5 pizzas. I politely declined, he reluctantly pulled a $20 bill out of somewhere and I drove off.
I got chewed out by this alcoholic woman in our delivery area once. She called us up, I took her order myself, and sent it on its way when it was ready. I got a call from my driver a few minutes later, and the alcoholic was saying she already got her order.
I was slightly confused because we weren't so busy that a doubly-made order would slip by me. I checked with the other drivers just in case, nobody else had gone that day. She did, however, order the same exact thing the day before.
We ended up settling on the solution that in her drunken stupor she forgot she made an order the day before, found yesterday's leftovers, and ate that thinking it was fresh.
Feel The Hole In My Head
So this didn't happen "at the door" but in the house.
I used to deliver helium and balloons. Mostly wholesale to party stores and such, but occasionally to an individual for a party.
I had to deliver to a lady with loads of health problems one time. She was legally blind, in a wheelchair, and had several brain surgeries I believe.
Once I deliver the helium tank and balloons, I explain how to set it up, and attach the nozzle and I place her hands where she can feel what I'm explaining.
As I'm getting ready to get the signature and leave, she starts talking about her brain surgeries and how she has a hole in the back of her head. I try to be polite, but dismissive and get on my way. But she is having none of that. She insisted I touch the hole in her head so I can see what she's talking about. I obviously politely decline and she presses further. She reaches out and grabs my arm and guides my hand to the indention in her skull - all in one swift motion before I can react.
The feeling of my fingers pressed an inch or two into a hole in that lady's head will always haunt me.
I used to deliver for a Butcher to Restaurants and Supermarkets.
At one Supermarket, I asked the Supermarket Butcher for Payment, as soon as I said "C.O.D." (that means cash on delivery - meaning he had to pay for the order in cash instead of getting billed for it later) he pulled a steak knife on me. (A butcher Steak knife is not like a table Steak knife). "You no say COD to me! You no say COD to me in front of customers!"
Obviously English was not his first language and he came from a culture where the illusion of self respect was more important than genuine integrity.
Saving Lives or Ruining A Birthday Party
One time i was delivering a bounce house to a summer camp in the So. Cal mountains. When I arrived the camp appeared to be deserted. After walking around for about 15 minutes, I heard some sounds coming from a cafeteria or multi purpose room. I walked in the door to find about 50 middle eastern men having some sort of meeting.
This was surprising to me because I had not seen a single vehicle on the premises. The moment I stepped in the room everyone went silent and started staring at me. I announced who i was and that i was there to deliver a bounce house. I was quickly told that I was not allowed to speak while I was in that room.
So naturally I kept talking, asking questions about what organization they were with and where I could set up the bounce house. The one man who was willing to speak to me started to get very upset telling me that I was not allowed to speak or be in the same room as these other men. The man ushered me outside and showed me where to set up the bounce house. i asked him what it was for and he replied that it was for the kids.
But I saw no women or children anywhere on the camps property. This whole situation had me very uneasy and seeing how it was November 2001 I decided to call the 9/11 anti terrorist hotline.
To this day I'm not sure if i saved lives or ruined a child's birthday party. I guess I'll never know.
Reddit user AceofSpadesYT asked: 'What is your most specific restriction when it comes to dating?'
When it comes to dating, I have my mental checklist. The guy must be kind, intelligent, funny, and a movie buff. He must be adventurous but also doesn't mind a Netflix and Chill date night.
Most of this is similar to the mental checklists other people have. Of course, I can be flexible. If someone is nice and I'm having fun with them, they don't necessarily have to check all the boxes.
However, I have one specific dating restriction that is a dealbreaker regardless of how many boxes the person checks, and that's religion. I've never been a fan, and now I'm an atheist, and I would want my partner to be as well. That's because I want kids, and the last thing I want is for us to argue about how to raise the kids when it comes to religion.
I'm not the only person who has one specific dating restriction. Everyone has that one thing that is a dealbreaker when it comes to a romantic relationship. Redditors certainly do, and they are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor AceofSpadesYT asked:
"What is your most specific restriction when it comes to dating?"
It's Just A Joke!
"No cruel or rude pranks."
"I saw a post by someone whose boyfriend "pranked" her by pretending to be dead on the kitchen floor. That is exactly how she had found her previous partner, dead on the kitchen floor, which her current boyfriend knew. He was surprised she dumped him and didn't think it was funny."
We're (Not) Gonna Party!
"No party people. Nothing wrong with it, I just ain't dealing with that sh*t."
"True. I like planning weekend stuff, but it has to be something meaningful - visiting a different city, movie marathon, mountain hike, fancy lunch, all okay. But... clubbing and drinking? How f**king old are we, 19? No thank you, I'm old and have no energy for listening to music I don't like while being surrounded by 50 people that I don't give a single half of a sh*t about."
"Same sense of humor. I have 0 interest sharing physical space with someone who doesn't laugh with me."
My Ears Are Bleeding!
"I'm a light sleeper. I cannot date a snorer. I can hear snores through ear plugs AND a fan blowing. It's not you, it's me."
At that point, it does sound like them 😂
"Have a f**king job."
"Found this difficult when I was funemployed. Was fortunate enough to be able to live off savings for a bit."
"People reacted oddly to it. “But what do you do???”"
"Was dating at the same time and some girls had the same sentiment. “You don’t have a job?”"
"I had a good enough job that I didn’t need one anymore. And one lined up 8 months from then. But there were two girls specifically who treated it as a deal breaker."
"I had a similar situation. I worked a high-paying job for a few years that demanded a ton of my time and had crazy hours. It burnt me out badly and I lived off of the savings from that job for a while and tried to date now that I actually had free time. I had more money in my bank account during that time than at any other point in my life but so many people were put off by me being funemployed and assumed I was looking to leech. But I guess there’s really no way to know someone's history and hard not to assume. Now I work full-time and have way less money overall but it looks better..."
"No smoking. Ever. I'm not kissing an ashtray, or smelling an ashtray. Instant turn off."
"100% I broke up with an old gf because she started smoking behind my back knowing I’ve got asthma and it was always a hard pass. She thought I was joking but it showed me that she was also untrustworthy."
That'll Do It
"I guess my husband restricts my dating."
"My wife has the same rule. But the jokes on her, I get around it by dating her!"
"Must like dinosaurs."
"That goes without saying."
What's In A Name?
"Cannot have the same name as any of my relatives."
"My last ex had the same name as my Dad and I reeeeeeaally didn't like it. So, fair."
"If they’re rude to people they’ll never see again (Waitstaff, cashiers, etc) I’m out."
"I can’t respect anyone who doesn’t respect themselves, and when you’re not polite to people you’re disrespecting yourself."
God Only Knows
"When I was dating, you had to be an atheist. I don't mess with religion. And I genuinely just don't think atheists + religious people work out."
"And I know... There's going to be someone who comments (assuming there are enough upvotes) who says "I worked out with my spouse who's religious and I'm not!" but you're the exception. When it comes to making decisions long-term, how to spend your money, where you think you'll go after you die, not to mention basic morality (!), and if you have children - that's a huge hurdle."
"We worked it out. It's absolutely an exception and not the rule. Don't do it if you can avoid it."
Let's Move Tonight (Literally)
"They need to be ok with cold weather."
"I grew up in the north, live in the south, and I'm tolerating it until I can move back north. If someone says they hate the cold it's an instant turn-off because I don't want to drag someone into a climate they hate."
"The same thing also applies to walkability. I want to move somewhere walkable, and I hope to meet someone with that same goal rather than try to talk them into it."
"Let me know when you find this mythical northern walkable community."
My Purr-fect Match
"Cat has to approve."
"They need to be male. Kind of important."
"So weird, I want the complete opposite."
Yeah, the male thing is kind of important for me too!
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.
Life is full of shock and surprise.
Apparently, that is part of the fun.
Who hasn't been left stunned by life events?
We always think we're immune to way too many things.
Anything and everything is possible.
It's important to be ready.
Redditor Bob_the_peasant wanted to hear about the things that have left people SHOOK, so they asked:
"What 'That can’t happen to me' thing happened to you?'"
I haven't been left that shocked that often.
I'm always expecting the worst, so I'm prepared.
But you never know.
I'm DeadSnakes Imacelebau GIF by I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! AustraliaGiphy
"A snake fell out of a tree and bit me on the head."
"ETA: I have always been more scared of snakes than anyone I know, so it’s just so ironic that this happened to me of all people."
Crash Into Me
"A car crashed through my kitchen last year."
"I woke up to a truck parking in my bathtub 2 weeks before Christmas a few years ago. I watched my sink roll past my bedroom door followed by a hubcap. The driver managed to cross a median, 3-lane road, up an embankment, through an iron fence and between trees. He'd been involved in an altercation nearby and was fleeing the scene."
Hot AirSwinging Hot Air Balloon GIF by Red BullGiphy
"My family and I were in a hot air balloon crash."
"My friend had one crash into her pool when she was a kid."
This is why hot air balloons and skydiving are just a HELL no for me.
Always have. Always will.
TragicCat No GIF by Looney TunesGiphy
"My wife cheated on me with my best friend. They’re moving in together next month. I’m in a new city thousands of miles away. I found out a month ago."
"Everyone else’s stories are very sad so here’s something a bit lighter. I’ve mentioned this story before but I got bitten on the neck by a penguin."
"I was at an event where the local zoo had a penguin and owl sitting on tables with handlers so you could take a picture next to them. The penguin went for my glass of wine, I moved the wine, and it bit me on the neck hard enough to bruise. They removed the penguin after that. 😂."
"Our house burned in a wildfire, we lost absolutely everything we owned and only salvaged a single coffee 3 cup."
"On the good side: There was a boy I crushed on all through high school. We went to summer camp together and I adored him. We ended up getting together in our 20s after reconnecting, and have now been together more than 20 years, married almost 17. We’re as madly in love as ever."
"Homelessness. It came swiftly and out of nowhere. had no savings and the landlord sold the house I was in. couldn’t afford a new place so lived in my car with my dog for a few months. ended up finding community assistance and got into an apartment."
"I can’t even imagine being in that situation. Hopefully, this is just the start of things turning around for you. Sending you good energy!"
Early Michael Myers
"About 10 years ago, I was stabbed in the arm with a flathead screwdriver. It was a coworker whom I had previously gotten along well with. He had stopped taking benzos and smoking weed a few days before and was on a hair trigger. I said something sarcastic, and he just snapped."
Bad LandingBad Day Seagull GIF by Sound FXGiphy
"I was lying on the beach and a seagull flying very high took a poop and it went straight in my mouth."
This is why I say... "Never trust a seagull!"
They are minions of the devil.
We've all heard the phrase, "You can't eat at everybody's house," but some of us have a few examples of our own to live by.
From not properly cleaning the environment to questionable hygiene ourselves, there are countless reasons why a person may not want to eat what you've cooked after watching you prepare it.
Bracing themselves, Redditor 195901 asked:
"What is your 'you can't eat at everybody's house' horror story?"
Fly Spray Sandwiches
"I told my dad my sandwich tasted like fly spray at my grandma's house. He didn’t believe me."
"Two days later, I caught my grandma spraying the benches 'clean' with the two-dollar fly spray you find at the cheap store."
"Dad figured it was safe to make sandwiches straight on the countertop because they looked clean. I dragged him over to see and he apologized and took my sister and me for fish and chips for lunch."
Special Seasoning Deviled Eggs
"My crackpot aunt served us a lovely tray of deviled eggs, complete with very old paprika sprinkled on top. So old, in fact, the many weevils mixed in it were dead."
A Disturbing Surprise
"I visited a friend's house who was living with his mother, and she asked if I wanted a coffee and I said I would."
"Upon getting to the bottom of the cup and taking the last few gulps, I found there was a used bandaid stuck to the bottom… I never ate or drank there again."
In Need of Child Protective Services
"I was babysitting a kid in a pretty dirty house. I was told to wake him up, supervise bathing and changing clothes, and feed him. I was welcome to whatever was in the fridge. Okay. The house and his clothes were filthy."
"Then, when I opened the cabinets, floods of roaches poured out. There were roaches in every opened box and container."
"I took him back to my house and returned him later that day. I hope the boy ended up in a better situation. I found out CPS (Child Protective Services) got involved shortly after."
Traumatized by Raisins
"I was gonna complain about raisins in the potato salad but the other comments on here are scary. Oh my god."
"When I was a young kid, I stayed over at a friend's place, and his mom made veal or something with godd**n raisins INSIDE the meat somehow. It was so nasty, I never forgot it."
You WISH That Was Vinegar
"My MIL fished around in the green bin (compost bin) with her bare hands, didn't wash them, WIPED her GARBAGE JUICE HANDS on the tea towel, and then WENT BACK TO PREPPING THE SALAD."
"She also got horrifically offended if I didn't want to eat at her house."
Poor Home Hygiene
"My first boyfriend’s parents invited me for Thanksgiving. I came over a few days before Christmas and all the same dirty dishes from Thanksgiving were still in the kitchen. I passed on coming over for Christmas dinner."
Every Surface Covered
"I went to a friend's house after school, he was going to teach a group of us to play D&D (Dungeons and Dragons)."
"We got there and his house was disgusting. I'm not the neatest person but the carpet hadn't been vacuumed in forever, clothes were all over the place, and dirty dishes were stacked everywhere."
"I tried to be polite even though the place reeked, but at some point, he was like, 'Who wants snacks!'"
"He picked up a bowl that was crusted with stuff, splashed in some water, wiped it with a towel that clearly hadn't been washed that decade, and poured chips into it. Then he asked if we wanted to stay for dinner. We did not."
O Holy Expiration Dates
"When I was a kid, Christmas Eve was always celebrated at Grandma's. I always got sick afterward. Like, Merry Christmas, you're going to puke now."
"It wasn't until I was all grown up and helping her out in the last weeks of her life that I learned why. She did not believe in expiration dates on anything!"
An Immune System to Remember
"My grandma made me a food phobic from a young age. Whether it was ramen with moths floating on top, or chunky milk in my cereal, it just scarred me for life."
"Dinner at her house was always a fight. Not eating her food was not an option. I'm not sure why that was the hill she would always choose to die on, because she was an amazing grandma other than this."
"Expiration dates aren't a thing. If the cheese was moldy, you cut it off... I think living through the great depression and raising kids in poverty changed her mindset on food."
"I mean obviously, she's doing something right because she's 91. She must have the immunity of a superhero."
"I used to help an old neighbor out with grocery shopping, I’d drop the bags at her door and she’d give me a check for the amount of groceries. She’d give me homemade cookies once in a while, chocolate chips."
"I didn’t ever eat them because one time I caught sight of her apartment. It was a large studio, a small kitchen, and tv, and a bed/couch. And there were about 20 cans of cat food, half-eaten, and one million flies and small maggots in different stages of growth, dishes with crusty food stuck to them, and a wall of empty beer cans."
"After I saw that, and got a whiff of her apartment, I started helping her with taking garbage out and putting groceries away, cleaning out her fridge, and making sure her cat was healthy."
"A couple of months later, she got the virus, ended up at a rehab facility, and passed within two weeks."
"Some people need help and a little company…"
No Longer Rice
"A girl I was interested in at the time had cats. I came to her house one day to pick her up for a date and he had a large sack of rice open in her pantry with the pantry door open."
"One of the cats hopped out of the sack of rice and she just casually laughed at it like, 'Oh, they are always getting into things.'"
"I came over the following weekend that SAME sack of rice was in the pantry and I could hear one of them tussling around in it again, we stopped dating sometime after that but anytime she offered to cook for me I immediately pivoted to taking her out to eat instead."
"Those cats probably used it as litter."
"Yeah, that was my fear."
Could Have Warned Her
"My mom told me one about going over to her aunt Virginia's house. She, her parents, and her siblings were sat around the kitchen while her aunt cooked, and my mom could not figure out why no one else was having ANY of this incredibly delicious bread that was on the table."
"She was on her third slice when her aunt stepped out to do something else, and my mom was told by her brother to go look in the flour bin."
"It was absolutely filled with miller moth larvae. Aunt Virginia had been losing her eyesight for years."
"It's f**ked of her parents not to warn her not to eat the bread... like, what the f**k, you KNOW the bread isn't safe, so you're not eating it, but you're fine with letting your daughter have three slices?"
Bad to the Point of Malnutrition
"I graduated high school at 6' 10" tall, but weighing only 120 pounds."
"That's not skinny, that's emaciated."
"The food prepared by my bio-mom was so bad that it wasn't providing me with the nutrients or calories I needed to survive. I went off to college where I had to cook for myself (I wasn't allowed to cook at home because my father insisted that "cooking was women's work")."
"Not only did I discover that food didn't have to be burnt to a crisp, flavorless, or boiled until everything was grey. I also discovered that food can be made to taste good, and using things like salt, or pepper, spices, or various condiments can make it taste amazing."
"The "freshman 15" likely saved my life."
"The thing is, I don't think that my biomom was even aware that her food was that disgusting. Whenever we went out for dinner (which was more often than what my father wanted, but he was the one who insisted on going), she did nothing but complain about how the food was undercooked, 'practically raw,' or 'too spicy,' to eat."
"When she went to other people's houses (including her own extended family) she would criticize them for 'doing it wrong' when she watched them cook anything. She would often end up refusing to eat their food because she 'watched them ruin it,' when they cooked it. We never had guests over to eat her cooking. Ever."
"We have a chili contest every year at work around Thanksgiving and I've stopped participating in voting for it because I want to know whose I'm eating before taking any. I work with some great people, but I wouldn't eat at or anything from their house. Strangely enough, the guy I absolutely despise I'll gladly eat his chili because he is clean and well kept and I know his house is."
"I also work with a bunch of people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom in any capacity and we've secretly kept a list so to avoid any potlucks where they take food or to get food before they do."
We're left with chills after reading these stories.
Where some people might make some mistakes in the kitchen out of just not knowing, like not properly washing rice before cooking it, most of these are just careless mistakes that have disgusting, if not dangerous, results.
What makes us all unique is our passions and the things we love, whether it's singing in the shower, reading books, or listening to specific music artists.
Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are judged for our various tastes and interests thanks to social media, and it makes us consciously selective about sharing the things we love on the internet.
Curious to hear about people's personal desires under anonymity, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:
"What do you secretly love that you would never admit to in public?"
These aren't really chores for the following Redditors.
Good Clean Fun
"Mopping, im a janitor and generally hate my work... but damn mopping is so good."
"When you have a great rhythm going it is something special. I get the same feeling while I vacuum, but won’t let my wife know I enjoy it."
Act Of Unwrinkling
"Ironing clothes. A dozen of them. Can’t explain how it relaxes me. I told one person and they looked at me like I’m crazy."
"My mum misses the days when dad would be out on a Friday night, my brother out with friends and me upstairs quietly playing PS1. She would pour herself a Bacardi & Coke and do the ironing while watching her TV shows."
"I'm sure she doesn't really miss it now that we've moved out and they've retired but it was her wind-down after a busy working week so I can see how people can find it relaxing."
Our solo actions can spark joy.
Big Brother Is Watching
"pretending to be on the Truman show and whenever im in my house i act all inconspicuous so they dont know that i know that they’re watching me."
"C’mon man, you’re not supposed to let him know. You signed a contract when signing up for live views. I’m reporting you."
"Playing video games naked at home while eating cheese."
Releasing The Kraken
"I love the feeling when you've eaten good fibre and let out a solid long train log in the toilet. That feeling is heavenly."
"Even better when it’s a clean wipe and not a poo crayon."
"My (male 41) weekend routine is coming home from work, make hot chocolate, start a fire, dress in a ugly pink nightgown made for old ladies and watch forensic files."
Some people are obsessed with collecting things.
"Sanrio stationery stores. All those different multicolor pens, a thousand kinds of erasers, spiral bound notebooks galore... my kids sadly have absolutely no appreciation for this wonderland..."
It's A Staple
"Office supplies have a weird, special place in my heart ever since I was a kid. They don't even have to be 'cute' necessarily."
"Japan's legendary stationery stores is unironically a reason I want to go."
Not Caring Anymore
"The older I get the shorter that list gets. Not because I love less things, but because I don't care about hiding it."
"YES!! I'm 53 now. I'm working my first job in public since 2006. Today is Halloween and we're allowed to dress up so I am sitting here waiting to go to work dressed as a VERY bad Wednesday Addams. My bf said I'd 'look stupid' because no one else will probably dress up and I'm like, 'WHO CARES!' My makeup looks horrible and not like I practiced, but I DO NOT CARE! I'm having fun with it anyhow and I don't care if my coworkers dress up or not. I'm bein' ME! :)"
Honorable mentions start here.
"Picking up worms from the street and sidewalks when it rains and moving them into the dirt so they don’t burn in the sun, every time it rains I do this."
Hero Of The Moment
"Yoooo I scoot SO many snails and worms. I work as a tech/mechanic at an automotive shop, I had a peoject car towed to my house the other day and it was covered in snails. I saw them when the tow guy/coworker was unloading and I was like, 'oh! It comes with free snails!' and began moving them. He laughed then realized and said, '... Oh, you're serious. Uh... Okay.'"
"I don't care who knows it. These little things barely can look out for themselves, why shouldn't we if we can take a moment to help? I don't care what happens next, it probably doesn't matter overall but I can help this moment."
Why should some of the hidden desires mentioned above have to be secret?
Redditors opening up about some of these would make them a hit at parties–no shaming.
As a matter of fact, I'll totally be down for a Forensic Files viewing party where we all make hot chocolate, light the fireplace, and cozy up together in our respective pink ugly nightgowns for old ladies.