It's an old adage for a reason: Don't judge the people around you because you never know what they might be going through.
It's pretty true, don't you think? And after Redditor Calithrix asked the online community "What is your deep dark secret that you need to let off your chest?" people were quick to unload.
Warning: Some sensitive material ahead.
"Half of it's..."
Genuinely feel alone in the world. Don't feel like I connect with any of my peers or coworkers. Don't get invited out to social gatherings, or have anyone randomly text or call to do something.
Half of it's intrusive thoughts, half was a series of life events that changed my normal life significantly.
"I am a single..."
I am a single late 20s guy and I sometimes wonder if all my parents and friends stopped talking to me if I would really care.
"I've been sober..."
I've been sober for two years and I pretend to think life is way better but in reality it sucks to not have a go to vice. I don't want to put people off sobriety or make my loved ones worry about relapse, so I don't share how much I fantasize about being able to use drugs or alcohol to check out. I'm a parent, midlife, and most of the time I'm just grinding it out. Yes, exercising helps, but it's just another thing on my to-do list.
I am happy for people who don't feel this way but I would love to meet another person in recovery who agrees that it sucks to not have any chemical options and that being present in every freaking mundane aspect of your life isn't necessarily a treat.
I don't love sobriety. I'm doing it because I have a family and my responsibilities there trump everything else. Not being a shit parent is worth it all.
But it still sucks.
"I have a successful..."
I have a successful and positive life, but if I give myself 10 minutes alone with my thoughts, I am succumbed into the deepest and darkest possible confusion about life that my mind can comprehend and I feel that I lose touch with reality more every day and I'm worried that soon I will lose my mind without any control.
"I don't trust..."
I don't trust my girlfriend. It's not her fault, and she's always been great to me. My last serious relationship was 4 years long and absolutely horrible. I was treated like crap and cheated on, and now I can't trust my current girlfriend just because I'm messed up. It leaves me constantly anxious and worrying, and I know that it's not her fault so I just have to deal with it.
"After finding out..."
After finding out I was infected with HIV as a child right before I turned 15, I suppressed every bit of my sexuality when I'm around other people to the point that even the thought of kissing someone gives me tremendous anxiety. Now that I've started working on those issues, along with my almost 20 year marriage ending, I'm terribly afraid I'm going to die sad and alone.
"I'm legit just..."
Who I am is a facade. I genuinely don't know who I am. I'm legit just an empty shell. I become the person people want me to be.
"It will be a few more years..."
I just want a do over on my life. I don't feel happy where I am even though I know a lot of people would kill to be in my position and I feel like an ungrateful pain in the ass because of it.
It will be a few more years before I can realistically change the way my life is but it doesn't feel like it will be enough at this point. I just want to start over.
"I feel like..."
I'm really bad at forming bonds with people. I might act like I care about people but deep down, I just want to be left to myself. I have to act like I belong with the people around me when I clearly don't. I feel like I'm just cheating everyone around me.
"That I've been lying..."
That I've been lying to everyone the past several months that I've gotten better. Don't get me wrong I drink less, but still a lot. Barely made it out of bed the past three weeks. Just incredibly isolating.
"My body issues..."
My body issues and increasingly low self-esteem prevent me from building confidence in myself. What someone may see as an average person walking the street, I see someone who gets In everyone's way and takes up space, like I would be better off just staying home.
"I don't like..."
I feel lonely all the time. I don't like anything my peers like, and after finding people who finally like the same things, I find out they are all weird, sensitive, annoying, angry, and jerks.
"I just think..."
I discovered I have imposter syndrome. : "Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success" I act proud and cocky about myself but in reality I define myself as a failure. Even serious accomplishments I feel like I cheated, or got lucky and didn't earn it. The most recent is completing a two-year MBA program in a year. I just think it was an easy program and anyone could do it.
That despite being depression free for over a year now, I still get horrible thoughts into my head every now and then. And not just the "I'm kind of sad" thoughts, the ones that say "You're a complete failure", "You don't deserve anything", "Everyone hates you", "You are worthless", "You'll never achieve anything", "You're a quitter!","No one loves and no one ever will", "You're just white trash, who could ever love you!?" and worst of all: "Just kill yourself. No one will care."
Those thoughts will just randomly pop into my head, especially at night. I've learned to stow them away but when they come, I feel just as deep into my depressed state as I did 18 months ago.
"There's no point."
I don't like myself. My family and friends think I am so smart and I will succeed. I'm not so sure. Everything I've tried, I've barely missed the mark. One of the ones that hurt the most was high school. I worked so hard in high school that I ended up feeling sick the entire second semester of senior year. 3.7 GPA, 1400+ SAT, statewide awards and many volunteer hours. Got rejected from my dream school. I thought I was overqualified based on average stats and anecdotes from others. I feel like I'm just immune to winning. Nothing I do works and I hate myself for it. I won't tell anyone tho. There's no point. Doesn't matter tho. There is nobody I care about enough to spill my emotions to.