People Describe The Darkest Thing They've Ever Done That They Don't Regret
Photo by Ashley Jurius on Unsplash

Sometimes we do things that have to be done.

And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.

What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.

We may still technically be in the right.

But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.

But still, many people don't care.


Redditor BirdyPizzawanted to see who would fess up about some of the worst things we're responsible for but have no shame.

They asked:

"What is the darkest thing you have ever done and don’t regret?"

I've stolen from department stores that overcharged. I was arrested. I didn't care. So there...

The Grief

"Five years ago my dad suffered a catastrophic stroke. Left paralyzed and robbed of his speech and ability to communicate he was a shell of the once vibrant, charismatic man he once was. He was moved into skilled nursing where he lived for nearly two years, he was miserable."

"On my last visit I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave us, that we would miss him but he should go. A week later I received the call that he had passed. Instead of immediate grief I felt relief. Relief that he was finally free. The grief came later and I still miss him every single day."

theroadtoeverywhere

Things Missing

"Got into a car accident and had to stay with my mom for a couple days to figure out what to do. Went back to my apartment (I had two roommates) and everything was missing from my room. Long story short one of my roommates had everything hidden in her room."

"I called and told her the things were missing from my room and she came up with a lie that a couple girls came to look at my room (I was moving out bc of the accident, long story) and that they must have taken my things. She had everything I owned. Including my grandmothers perfume bottles, stuffed to the back of her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser etc."

"So I packed all of my stuff up. Then took a giant black garbage bag and stuffed as much of her closet in it as I could. Took it to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole and burnt it. She called screaming at me that her stuff was missing. I told her the two girls must have come by and taken her stuff too."

udntsay

Violence

"I hit my uncle left right and center when he was trying to choke my father to death. I was 16 years old at that time, a very skinny girl. I beat his face neck and every part of him that I could target with so much intensity that my knuckles turned blue the next day. I had an animalistic rage that day trying to help my father get away from his death grip. I hate my uncle even today."

"I got anger issues because of growing up around him. And I don't regret beating him that day at all. He was physically abusive to his wife as well. One fine day, his wife retaliated by beating him blue with a stick. And he stopped being physically violent towards her post that."

avadakebakra

Danger

"A neighbor like 10 years ago was neglecting their dog badly in the heat. The dog escaped often and ended up at the shelter a lot. One day she jumped the fence and got her tie-out cable stuck on the fence. (She was not in danger of choking.) Neighbor put her on a 3-foot-long cable tied to a doorknob, no water, 90 degree day. I let some kind folks steal her, watched the whole thing and said nothing to stop them."

Oh-Oh-Ophelia

Goodbye

"When my father was dying and in pain I was the one who told the doctors he had been through enough and we couldn't see him suffer anymore. Doctor injected him with something, I assume a morphine mega dose and he passed peacefully moments after. Euthanasia may not be legal in UK but compassionate doctors know what's what. I don't regret it because my pa made me promise I would have his back when he got sick or old. I'm sad he got sick and never got to get old."

Express_Evidence_23

That is a lot of mess. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do.

Toxic

"One of my ex best friends in high school was a real narcissistic lunatic. Had so many egotistical fantasies about what he deserved but I remained his friend because we met through my close friend (his girlfriend). As I started realizing what a terrible person he was I convinced him to go after his fantasy of a harem by asking to add a 3rd to their relationship, that led to a fight between his gf."

"I called her about it and asked how she felt about him adding someone to their relationship and about him sleeping with her. She said she knew nothing about that and started crying because he cheated on her. I basically helped orchestrate their breakup and have no regrets. She is happy with her first child now and he is in a toxic af relationship with 3 kids, 2 of which aren't his and his partner is 8 years older than him."

skijeng

My Buddy

"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."

CarterS20884

The Ruin

"Turned a close friend into the fish and game. He would poach mountain lions and bears. His whole family would literally shoot them and leave them. He would brag about it. I couldn’t stand it and felt that I needed to stop him. He’s in prison and so is his uncle. I know I ruined his life but he was literally killing so many mountain lions and bears."

Donkey-Puncherr

School Daze

"In middle school, there was this group of boys that would corner me in the hallway and try to scare me. I was the perfect target for these little b**tards. I was short, skinny, and had (and still have) and anxiety disorder. One day I just had enough, and asked a friend if I could have an extra pencil, sharpened it as much as I could, and when I saw one of them in the hallway, I stabbed the hell out of his leg. Sh**head got what he deserved."

leserolith3

Hey Buddy

"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."

CarterS20884

spooky dooky...

"Turned off the lights in the school bathroom and left while people were in the stalls."

DespairGarden

"I used to work at a place that had those motion sensor lights that automatically turned off after a certain time period. You'd be taking your time with a leisurely dump and the lights would go off. But the stall blocked you from the sensor so you'd be stuck pooping in the dark. We called that a spooky dooky."

smallof2pieces

Horsey Time

"Paid £250 quid for a horse off an acquaintance that had been suffering from various ailments, been a bit neglected and couldn't even lay down to sleep any more and then moved the horse to a different yard and had her quietly put down a few days later to end her suffering."

littlevivid

"the new mate"

"Some people were bullying the new mate at school, and one day he was crying on the floor. I asked him for the name of the boy who made him cry, and I punched the guy, his nose was bleeding. Now, 'the new mate' is still my friend, after 10 years!"

AlecInnefable

He's Out

"Stabbed my own hand and blamed it on a kid I hated in kindergarten. He was a bully and would constantly flip over the girls' skirts as well as steal my f**king food, so I decided he gotta go. Got him expelled from that school."

AVGwar

For Vodka

"Not much darkness really compared to other comments but, Used to house sit for this 32 year old woman when I was 16, she would leave me cigarettes and told me to do whatever while she was gone to the liquor store usually and she came back and had me drink Svedka with her. Ahh memories."

TerminalReaper

Ruined

"I was on a jungle gym in 3rd grade running from this kid that bullied me. I let him talk crap to me until I saw a monitor and screamed and threw myself off of it. I got minor sprains and cuts and told them he pushed me. The hall monitor backed it up from the limited interaction they had seen and the kid got expelled. I remember his dad’s face (token military man) and the pure anger on it in the office. I often think of how dumb I was. I could’ve been really hurt and might’ve ruined this kids life."

Entertainer-Budget

Blocked

"Left my ex, knowing he would be homeless when I kicked him out. Grabbed up all of his things and dumped them at the store he was working at with his friends. Told him I never wanted to see him again, and left (and blocked him on all forms of social media) and i haven't seen him since."

Pear_Jam2

Dark Days

"Being an addict. It was the darkest time of my 30 years on this earth. I don’t regret it in the sense that I was happy as an addict, but it made me the strongest, most resilient person I know. 6 years sober and counting!"

hangingonforyouu

Wow... we really are a dark and secretive people.

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I may not be popular for saying this, but I think comedy is the best form of entertainment.

However, it’s not always easy to find great comedy.

There are lots of comedians who make me smile or even make me laugh at a joke or two. Yet, it’s really hard to find a comedian who can keep me laughing through their whole set.

If you’re having trouble finding those kinds of comedians, or are just ready to find a new comedian to enjoy, Redditors are here to help.

Probably hoping to find a great comedian themself, Redditor Plastic_Ad_6179 asked:

"Who's the best comedian of all time in your opinion?"

Sean Lock

"Sean Lock"

"For many reasons, but mainly for being the undisputed champion of the world in...Carrot In A Box:"

– Rymundo88

"What a HUGE talent. Luckily he left a lot of great footage. Terrible loss."

– Pan-tang

"The comedians comedian"

– FrederickBishop

George Carlin

"George Carlin."

"Honorable mention to Bill Burr."

– gobigred3562

"When I turned 21, my mom took me to Vegas. We saw Carlin perform and we laughed solidly for 90 minutes. I don’t remember any of the jokes, but I have never laughed like that since. He was a true master of the art."

– drCrankoPhone

"Carlin is the only correct answer. Nobody will ever touch that level of wit, wordplay, satire, and social commentary."

"Nobody."

– reflUX_cAtalyst

Mike Birbiglia

"I went to a Mike Birbiglia show at Zanies in Nashville back in 2008. Guy killed…got up on stage, told 1 story. Took him 90 minutes to get through that story. The whole time, he’s veering off on tangents that seemed completely natural, conversational even. Each tangent was a tiny hilarious story itself. The show seemed so smooth and flowed so naturally, that I could hardly believe it was written. It was masterful. Sure, he doesn’t tell jokes that leave you breathless with laughter, but he does tell jokes that get 90% of the way there with such consistency that I’m actually more impressed with that than the former."

– mavol

Norm MacDonald

"In terms of:"

  • "Being at the top of his game for a long period of time"
  • "Being perfect at timing and execution"
  • "Understanding comedy to a degree that other comedians notice and respect"
  • "Being clever and witty on the spot"
  • "Having memorable jokes and killer standup routines"

"Norm MacDonald"

– warpus

"My favorite story about Norm MacDonald I've heard is that when he was coming up if he bombed he'd wait in the back of the club after the show to shake everyone's hand in their way out. If he killed he wouldn't. What a legend."

– SixPieceTaye

"If you asked a group of comedians who their favorite comedian is I'd bet Norm would be near the top of the list. So much of his material was a deconstruction of comedy itself. If Norm MacDonald tells you a bad joke, and you laugh, is it still a bad joke? Why is it funny? Are you laughing at him or is he laughing at you?"

– foldingcouch

Mitch Hedberg

"Mitch Hedberg. RIP."

– onepotatotwopotato3

"I used to love that guy. I still do but I used to too."

– ChefHannibal

""I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That’s a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.""

""F**k you, zzzzzzzzzzip""

– StarktheGuat

Monty Python

"Monty Python, as a group."

"I don't think there's been a single more influential comedy act than Flying Circus."

– EarlyBirdsofBabylon

"I agree with it just because it’s one of the few non-American mentions here. People seriously think that humor ends on American Stand Up and television…"

"Also Monty Python is ALWAYS funny"

– RockThePlazmah

Robin Williams

"Robin Williams."

– Flicksterea

"Live on Broadway stands as one of the most memorable things I have ever watched."

– Grimlock64

"Idk why he isn’t higher on this list or mentioned more often. Robin Williams had absolutely insane improv skills. Watch the episode of Who’s Line with him as the guest star, the rest of the cast can’t keep it together."

– _xXmyusernameXx_

Lucille Ball

"Lucille Ball"

– LusciousofBorg

"Scrolled this far to find a female comedian! Love Lucille Ball"

– boonybun

"I saw I Love Lucy was streaming a couple months ago. Having watched it as a kid, I figured I’d put it on for a nostalgic chuckle. I was not ready for that show to be so, so funny—I nearly passed out I was laughing so hard."

– mypantsareawesome

"She was a comedic genius."

– DrWorm_DD

Rowan Atkinson

"Rowan Atkinson (John Cleese closely second)"

– DarkFluids777

"Atkinson is such an amazing physical comedian that it’s basically overlooked that he’s a first-rate stand-up, as well."

– HilariousSpill

Eddie Murphy

"Eddie Murphy"

– onterrible1

"He saved SNL. They wouldn't be on air today were it not for Murphy"

– Blackgurlmajik

"Goat of comedy"

– IndependenceScary644

Comedy may not be everyone’s favorite form of entertainment, but it is a can’t miss, so long as the comedian in question is a good one.

Luckily, we’ve got some great suggestions above.