People Divulge The Darkest Family Secrets They've Ever Uncovered
Since everybody has secrets, it makes sense that pretty much every family would have a secret or two as well. For most of us it's probably something relatively tame. Then there are the jucier things - like how some people have that one auntie who has had 3 husbands die on her... all in bed. ("Some people" may or may not be me.)
One reddit user opened up a serious can of worms when they asked:
What's a dark family secret you uncovered?
Fam, Reddit does not disappoint when they're asked to get dark. Some of the answers were so bad we didn't feel comfortable sharing them here. What we did share is full of things that some readers might find disturbing. There are stories of rape, murder, suicide, child abandonment, and more.
Proceed with caution.
I was the family secret. My biological parents started having kids as teenagers. For context, when my biological mom found out she was pregnant with me, she was 21 and I was their 4th child. They quickly realized they needed to get their act together. They were already struggling financially, had countless drug issues, etc. They decided that they were going to put me up for adoption. I was a baby.
I was adopted by a loving family quite quickly, only about an hour drive from the city I was born in. Coincidentally, I ended up returning to that same city for college. My sophomore year, I decided to seek out my biological family. Turns out, my biological parents separated right after I was born. My biological mom is still in and out of jail to this day, but my biological dad was able to start a new chapter. He got clean & sober, remarried, started going to church, and built a legitimate career for himself. He told his new wife about me when they first met, but didn't tell any of his children. My other siblings didn't know I existed.
Thanks to the internet, I ended up tracking down his work number and gave him a call. Later on, he said as soon as I said, "Hi, this might be really weird, but..." he knew it was me. Apparently, ever since I turned 18, him and his wife were waiting anxiously for me to resurface. They knew the day would come eventually. That evening, they sat my siblings down and told them about me. It was difficult at first, but now I'm 25 and me and him have a pretty solid relationship.
Grandpa Doesn't Know
My grandpa doesn't know that his dad was hit and killed by a drunk driver. He was like 2 when his dad died and can't remember any of it. The only thing he said was that he thought it involved a truck.
I found the article of my great-grandfather's death when I started digging into my grandpa's family tree. I also found that great-grandpa was the result of a teen pregnancy and was raised by his grandparents.
I'd tell him but I'm not really sure there's too much point in bringing it up now.
Great grandma ran a "hotel" in the late 1800s near a train Depot and army fort in the Oklahoma territory. Turns out it was a brothel. Great grandma was a madam! She must have been good at it cause she left a stack to my grandma.
When I was a kid I knew my grandfather was odd. He'd call me his grandson even when i was wearing a dress and clearly female, but my parents would tell me to ignore it.
Then I found out that when my dad was a kid, grandpa sold my dad's sister Barbara to someone and kept my dad and his brother because he didn't want a girl in the family. My dad found his sister Barbara around the time I was in middle school via calling around to get records, they were reunited, she's my favorite aunt now.
No one liked grandpa.
The Heirloom Dishes
We have a set of plates our family uses ONLY on Easter. My mom always fusses about that they are great grandmother, pre WWI family heirlooms. As someone who is interested in this kind of stuff, I looked up the makers mark. 1940s kitch, at best.
I haven't told anyone because I have my eyes on another set of china, and I want to seem magnanimous when I "compromise" with my sister to have these.
Not Her Fault
My cousin didn't stop talking the family for ten years because of her parents' divorce, like my parents said. She stopped because she and her dad got into an argument, and he physically shoved her into a basement, locked her inside, and refused to let her out.
He held her hostage down there for hours. Authorities got involved. He eventually got charged with domestic violence. A lot of the family blamed her for "getting her dad arrested" instead of holding him responsible for hurting her. So she stopped talking to them for about a decade.
She's married to a really nice guy and has two kids who she adores. This all happened about 20 years ago and she's doing really good now.
The "disabled" kid: My dad was pretty open about it but I know they kept it hush hush within their community. Idk how it when my dad found out but he discovered he had an older brother, his parents' oldest child. We'll call him Ron.
When Ron was preschool aged they were told he was "mentally retarded." Horrified, they turned him over to the state and never spoke of him again. Years later word got back to them that the kid was not in fact mentally disabled, he had "auditory dyslexia"(now called auditory processing disorder). He grew up to be a fully functioning independent adult.
He refused to have any contact with the family when my dad reached out to his brother. Totally fair, in my opinion.
Born Too Soon
My great aunt and uncle, had a baby when they were still in the dating phase. They were in love and getting married was a sure thing down the line. However, coming from a very conservative society in the Middle East back in the 50's, they had to give the child away to an orphanage. Once that was done, they got married and eventually had 4 children.
That child grew up knowing his origins and only allowed minimal contact with his family. He still isn't invited to family events and has a family of his own. When my great uncle passed away I was told he was amongst the randoms that came to the cemetery to pay respects, none of my cousins including myself know what he looks like but my dad and his siblings and cousins all do.
Its sad how he's punished for something that isn't his fault.
My grand-father tried to kill my dad with an axe. Literally showed up to his place of work and went looking to cut him down... and somehow, my unprepared dad fought him off bare handed.
So grandpa escaped and came back the next day to finish the job with a gun, but my dad didn't show up to work, so dude offed himself in the parking lot leaving the craziest suicide note ever.
There's a long backstory. To try not to go crazy here...
Grandpa beat my dad, dad's brothers and his mom. Grandpa was an alcoholic, for sure, but probably had mental problems too as they are run family. (yay)
Anyways, my dad had enough of it and worked a ton of jobs to save money. He was able to afford to escape and moved everyone out of the house in the middle of the night. They fled. New life kinda relocation thing.
So Grandpa was pretty pissed my dad "ruined his life" by, I guess, standing up for himself. Eventually the dude tracked down where my dad worked and went to end him.
I'm pretty sure his brothers and mom knew about the attempt, I don't know how many other family did. I only found out from my mom when I was moving away to university; and I have no idea why she told me. I thought it was bull, but eventually Dad confirmed it. It sort of filled in a lot of gaps in his character.
I have a vague idea of what was in the suicide note from what my mom said. I know it was a letter addressed to my dad laying the ultimate guilt trip. I think it was something about how much my dad had ruined his life by being born, then taking his wife away from him.
There was some passage about the church in it and how my dad had "let down all of religion" or God or something, and that Grandpa would see him in Hell. I'm kind of exaggerating, but whatever was in that note turned my dad into a staunch anti-religious person pretty much.
One Punch Grandpa
I asked my Mom why Grandpa didn't stay in his home town and take over the farm.
Turns out, Grandpa killed a man.
They had a bunch of local kids over to hang out. Grandpa couldn't find his sister and went looking for her. He came around the corner of the barn to find a guy was actually raping her.
Grandpa, grabbed the guy - gave him one punch in the head and killed him. He served 10 months in jail. After that, he decided to move a whole 10 miles away to another town.
The kicker is my Grandfather's name is Pleasant! He's referred to as one punch Grandpa now.
Mike The Mobster
When my Dad's uncle died, at his funeral there were a couple people there that dad recognized but only one he knew well. He and my dad had originally bonded because they were both named Mike. They became friends even though my dad was younger than him by about twenty years.
Mike was an acquaintance of dad's father, my grandfather. Mike was also involved in some shady, shady stuff. At the funeral Mike sat next to my dad and asked if he was doing good. My dad asked if he could be blunt, and admitted he was "glad the bastard was dead."
Mike got real quiet, and asked if he'd ever been hurt by his uncle. My dad admitted he had.
Mike told him that if anyone ever touched him like that again, to let him know and he and his boys would take care of them. My dad was about seventeen, so he would've known Mike about seven years at this point.
He trusted Mike. Always hung out with him when he came into town, which wasn't very often.
My dad took him up on his promise only once. He'd been having issues with some wannabe gang members in price hill and told Mike about this one kid who'd stabbed him in the thigh last time he crossed their turf. The kid had mugged him, stabbed him, and told him he was lucky it wasn't his throat. My dad ended up in the hospital with a few dozen stitches and a very large tetanus shot.
He told Mike, and Mike said he'd take care of it. My dad never saw the kid again, he'd just disappeared. Mike left town shortly after.
Few years later, my grandfather was in the early stages of the disease that would later take his life; and drunk as f**k so he was feeling talkative. He said to my dad:
"Ya know I outta thank you. You got that good for nothing mobster to skip town after killing that 'banger, and now I don't have to worry about paying my debts. You might not be a disappointment after all"
My dad never forgot that. Not just because of the back handed compliment, that was normal. But because of the bomb his dad had dropped about Mike being a part of the mob? Never knew that Mike had killed the kid, never knew that his dad was in trouble with him, never found out how his dad had gotten in with a man claiming to be a mobster.
Was Mike actually part of the mob? In Cincinnati in the '60s it was possible, but not probable. More likely he was part of a gang and used the threat of the mafia to keep my grandfather scared enough to be manipulated.
I do think he genuinely liked my dad, though. I don't think their relationship was more than platonic, but also I've never killed a man for my "friends."
My great uncle shot my great aunt. Apparently she had Alzheimer's and he decided it was best to just kill her, then he turned the gun on himself. From what I heard though he didn't die instantly but rather held on for around a week before finally dying.
I found out my grandma's grandfather was a Nazi scientist that fled Germany in 1945, changed his name and moved to South America. We still don't know what his real last name was.
I may or may not be a product of an affair between my mum and my (now) step-dad.
I found an old letter between them, talking about how he wanted to mess around and then hide in the cupboard when her husband got home. I also know that he bought her gifts before I was born...
Too scared to confirm though. I still see bio-dad, and have a half sister and family on that side. I hate to think of how everything would be turned upside down if it turned out to be true.
My grandmother actually told me before she passed that her cousin was Paul John Knowles, the Casanova Killer. As far as I know, my mother's side completely believes this to be true while my dad's side didn't know at all.
My dad believes this explains a lot about my mom. (Their divorce wasn't the nicest)
Family Toke SeshGiphy
My uncle found pot in his living room in between two couch cushions, so he brought it to my aunt's boyfriend who was dealing while being a chef in the early days of his restaurant.
Aunt's boyfriend looked at it an said "oh that's not mine, that's your mother's,"
Turns out my Grammy bought pot to feel better cause of retirement, and she and like 5 of my aunt's and uncles had a big toke sesh like that 70's show in my Grammy's basement.
Not dark but still, I wanted to share it
It's Not Official
My parents aren't 'officially' married. They are married in traditional Hindu ways but since my Mom had the same surname, they never bothered to have the marriage registered so technically, they have been in a very long live in relationship (about 25 years)
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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People Break Down Which Bad Movies They Absolutely Love
Cinema aficionados love to enjoy discussing and engaging in debates about their respective favorite films.
While there are many excellent movies in historical cinema, fans also enjoy trash-talking the absolute worst films ever made.
What they don't disclose, however, is the fact that they embarrassingly enjoy campy films and appreciate revisiting them behind closed doors.
Curious to hear about the films moviegoers secretly enjoy and appreciate while being cognizant of the fact that they're total garbage, Redditor HorsesSuck120 asked:
"What movie do you enjoy that you will 100% agree is a bad movie?"
Action movies don't aim to win an Oscar. Nevertheless, there's definitely an audience for them–even the really bad ones.
We Dig That One-Liner
"The Core. I’m paraphrasing here, but there’s a portion in the movie where everyone says it can’t be done; but one guy takes a drag on a cig and says: 'but what if…we could'. The entire movie progresses on that point."
Oldie But Goodie
"Flash Gordon was released in 1980, but re-released this year in 4K. Bad, but in the best way. (And that Queen soundtrack!)"
It Kept Their Afloat
"Deep Blue Sea. I mostly enjoy that one unexpected scene. Check it out!"
"Street fighter with Raul Julia as Bison and Kylie Minogue as Cammy."
"Oh, and a Samoan bloke as E Honda, because 90’s."
From Zero To 60
"Gone in 60 Seconds . Say what you will , but I can watch this everyday."
Campy films will always have a place in some moviegoers' hearts.
Dumb And Fun
"Fool’s gold. It’s a dumb movie that makes no sense but for some reason I go back and watch it at least once a year and enjoy it every time."
Can't Beat Funny
"Accepted. It's terrible and hilarious, has Justin Long at the peak of his teen movie years, and features Lewis Black as a version of himself as a jaded professor. So good."
We Love Ah-nold
"Batman & Robin is certainly a bad movie. I love it so much. It’s worth watching for Arnold and his puns alone. But the whole movie is just campy fun."
Sometimes we prefer the quantity of fantasy and animation films–regardless of quality.
"You know what killed the dinosaurs?"
"The ICE AGE"
"League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It's so much fun and I love the Nautilus."
Wolverine Wouldn't Approve
"Van Helsing. It's Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale ala the glory days of 2004. It's got a 27% on rotten tomatoes,. 6/10 on IMDb but there's something about the dry jokes smattered in what's supposed to be high tension scenes, or scenes of sexual tension. The special effects aren't the greatest but at the same time it also adds to the experience."
Hands down, the worst movie ever made in my opinion has to be the campy 1995 erotic film noir Showgirls directed by Paul Verhoeven.
The trite premise and performances in the unintentionally comedic drama were so embarrassing to watch, but the movie wound up becoming more entertaining for those reasons.
Elevating the rewatchable factor of Showgirls is the DVD commentary by solo comedy performer David Schmader, who leaves plenty of repeatable quotes that are absolutely hilarious.
Highly recommended viewing.
Some people just can't take a joke.
While we often find ourselves making sarcastic remarks amongst our inner circles, which are usually taken in stride, the same type of humor doesn't always go over quite as well with everyone.
Some might not see the humor in it and are easily hurt or offended.
In some cases, they might even get downright angry, making you realize all too late that this is the type of person you should never f**k with under any circumstance.
In these cases, people might have learned too late, but thankfully there are often some pretty telltale signs of when you are in the presence of someone you should never f**k with under any circumstances.
"What is a dead giveaway someone is not to be f**ked with?"
Just Don't Risk It. Ever...
"If you can't tell by looking, it's best not to f**k with anyone."- gregariousnatch
Don't Let Their Focus Fool You
"1000 yard/ disassociated stare."
"Especially when in a confrontation."
"That person is not all there and when they go they will GO."- OGschtinkie
Not As Tough As He Thought He Was
"Dude I used to work with who was absolutely massive got punched really hard once on a night out, unprovoked."
"He simply looked at the dude, smiled a wide genuine grin & said 'why would you do that man?'"
"The guy who hit him did not try for a second punch."- jinxsaysPunch You Oh No GIF by GritTVGiphy
Lighting A Match Around Spilled Gas...
"When they try to diffuse the situation instead of talking sh*t."- SeenY64
It's All In Their Carriage
"There's just a way that some people carry themselves."
"As a tiny nerd in 8th grade I accidentally became friends with a 7th grader from a very rough background."
"That was the moment I stopped being bullied, and my buddy genuinely never did a thing."
"I knew he was involved in some horrific violence, but in the time we spent together, he never put his hands on anyone."
"Basically the moment he turned to the offending person and assumed *that* posture and *that* stare, the argument was over."
"So I remembered that for ever, and now whenever I see people carry themselves like that I assume they're hardcore."- curmudgeonpl
"The biggest giveaway for me has always been someone looking around in a situation where they are about to have to fight."
"A person in their face yelling or posturing at them, and they aren't looking at that person at all."
"But are instead looking over them or around past them."
"That is someone who is about to f*ck another person up."
"If you are ever mad at someone, or shouting at someone, and they start looking past you, behind you, or to the sides, you are about to get f*cked up."- GeneralDisturbedlooking history channel GIF by Endemol BeyondGiphy
Size Doesn't Matter
"Never f*ck with the small bouncer."
"The big guys got hired because they’re big and intimidating."
"The little guy got hired because he’ll f**k you up."- shandragon
When In Doubt, Be Kind
"Spent a large chunk of my teenage years in juvenile correctional facilities and getting into stupid sh*t."
"Between age 14 - 20 I had been in more fist fights than some UFC fighters (quantity not quality)."
"I have nerve damage in my hands and they get stiffer and clumsier as I get older, had to pick up painting miniatures to keep fine motor control."
"I have tattoos to cover the scars at work (IT job)."
"With that I have learned:"
"1: Loud guys are soft guys. They want to be loved and accepted, but start sh*t out of fear they’ll be rejected or as a reaction to rejection."
"2: Cauliflower ear." They probably know what they’re doing.Avoid unless you’re a seasoned fighter or also know what you’re doing."
"3: Smart guys.They might not be the fastest or strongest, but they’ve learned the kinetics of fighting - momentum, balance, and gravity. 1 kid kept a hand towel near him at all times and used it in a fight and almost killed another kid once (caught his arm when he swung, wrapped, twisted, and flung him into a toilet and gave him a concussion)."
"4: Guys that walked slow and never broke eye contact. They weren’t afraid of anything and more often than not had a high pain tolerance. Usually pretty quiet."
"5: bulky/muscular guys aren’t always 'good fighters'. But if they caught you lacking - it was lights out."
"Most importantly though - I learned you don’t f*ck with anybody."
"The wirey funny guy always cracking jokes could be the one take you out of your shoes."
"And, some people can just snap."
"The guy that gets f*cked with can be the one that pops and that adrenaline rush gave the burst of strength to suplex you into a concrete bench."
"Be kind to everyone until you’re forced to not be so kind."- VadersbffBe Nice GIFGiphy
They Look Bruised And Beaten For A Reason
"You look at the hands."
"If the knuckles are all chewed up on a big set of meat hooks that dude has punched quite a few things and people."
"Also never fight stupid people."
"They don't know when to stop."
"They will just keep pounding your face until its mush."- punchinthelunch
Beware The Strong Silent Types...
"Those quiet people have a lot bottled up."
"They’ve been through it all in life."
"Don’t be the one to open it up."- Appropriate-Ad-2068
Calm Under Pressure
"Never f*ck with the person who is calmly minding their own business while everyone is freaking out/highly tense."
"That person’s seen some sh*t."
"Conversely, you shouldn’t f*ck with someone who is seemingly nervous in a calm situation."
"They have also seen some sh*t."
"I remember seeing this girl, she was a high-strung mess of a person, who just wanted to sit alone for lunch and chill by herself."
"She literally went to eat outside during the winter bc the boys kept messing with her and picking on her."
"At some point one of the guys tried to grab her arm, and I kid you not, she turned around and automatically beat the sh*t out of him."
"Didn’t miss a beat, and this dude was allegedly sent to the hospital."
"Happened years ago in middle school."
"She was always a nervous wreck, but since then, no one messed with her."- rzrbladessSucker Punch Fight GIF by Back to the Future TrilogyGiphy
Most Idioms Come From A Place Of Truth
"Usually quiet, calm when confronted."
"The phrase 'the loudest one in the room is the one who is scared the most' is usually true."- Boringdad25
When push comes to shove, and as many people above have noted, it's never a particularly wise decision to f**k with anyone.
Whether or not they possess the telltale signs.
People Explain Which Things Scream 'I Peaked In High School'
No two people had the same high school experience.
Some of us just can't wait to put the years of popularity cliques, varsity jocks, and drama club nepotism behind them, and find themselves flourishing in their college and professional careers.
For others, high school was the greatest time of their lives, and they remain BFFs with their high school friends and would give anything to spend their afternoons chilling at their local hangout, getting drunk under the bleachers, and reliving their senior prom.
With some exceptions, these are the people who have trouble adjusting to life in college, even professionally.
Some might even say, these are the ones who "peaked" in high school.
"What screams “this person peaked in high school” to you?"
Let's Be, Like, Entreprenurial!
"Hey girl hey!"
"'Do you wanna be your own boss babe while working from home?!'"
"And its just a pyramid scheme."- Tyler_origami94Scam Pyramid Scheme GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy
Dude, Get Over It!
"I had a conversation in a bar with a drinking buddy years ago."
"The guy kept going on about 'the one that got away'."
"How perfect she was and their chemistry together, how natural it was, how he hasn't felt that way about any girl since, yadda yadda."
"He was feeling pretty sorry for himself and uninterested in meeting anyone else because they could never compare."
"When I asked how long ago it was that she moved away, he said "8th grade."
Reliving The Glory Days
"I graduated in 05."
"I was sitting at a tire shop waiting for my truck to get done and an employee slightly older than me walks up to me and asks me, with no previous interaction, if I played football in high school."
"Wondering where this was going, I responded that I did, but I wasn’t great at it."
"He asked what school I went to, and I told him."
"Then he starts talking about himself."
"How he was 'all conference' and walking me through all of his high school accolades."
"I never asked for this conversation."
"I just sat there wondering why this nearly 40 year old, wildly out of shape, tire shop supervisor was telling me all of this."
"Then just as soon as it started he bid me good day and walked off."
"It was bizarre."
"The best comparison I could make was that he was like the manager 'Dan' from the movie waiting."
"That was his vibe."
"That’s how I knew he peaked in high school."- aznukedenzel washington football GIFGiphy
Still Thinking Mean And Cool Are The Same Thing
"Still acting like a typical 'Mean Girl' when they're damn near (or past) 30."- cpsg1995
"Anyone who bullies other adults as if they were still in High School."- pkeit32
Not Something To Brag About...
"Bragging about high-school hookups in their thirties."- SuvenPanBragging Season 2 GIF by The BoysGiphy
"My ex stepmother constantly bragged about being a cheerleader in high school and winning a beauty walk (in a town of like 500 people)."
"She was still bragging about these the last time I saw her."
"She was in her mid 40s."- jewelsforfools
In Case Anyone Needed Reminding...
"One guy I knew literally got our school emblem and mascot in a huge 'CLASS OF 2010' tattooed on his shoulder."- Empowered_Jackfruit
Same Old, Same Old...
"Regularly reposting the same picture of the one notable moment that they had in high school."- MissingDartsSad Book GIF by HollyoaksGiphy
Taking Others Down To Pick Yourself Up...
"Ridiculing the hobbies of others to make yourself look good."- littlebubulle
But Are They?
"'These are the best years of your life' on repeat."- Spirited_Tadpole_508
When Life Is Still A Popularity Contest
"Almost 10 years after high school a guy asked me if one of my friends 'was popular in high school'."- satirevaitneicsBut I Cant Help It That Im Popular Mean Girls GIF by filmeditorGiphy
"The people that ask you to join those MLM schemes selling body wraps or the like."
"Anyone that has a 'salt life' decal on their car when they live nowhere near the ocean or even a salt mine."- Static_Discord
There's nothing wrong with holding on to special memories of days gone by.
But growing up is part of life, and people who choose to keep living in the past are missing out on so many wonderful new discoveries life has to offer.
Women Reveal How They Really Feel When A Close Friend Confesses They Have Feelings For Them
Relationships -- any kind of relationship -- can be difficult to navigate. This is especially true when the nature of your relationship changes, or at least your feelings do.
It can be daunting when one person in the relationship starts to look at your bond differently... when one friend begins to view another in a romantic way. What happens then?
The women of Reddit have shared their stories of what happened when a close friend of theirs confessed to having romantic feelings for them, and as always, the stories are all very different.
Curious to find out more, Redditor Necessary_Produce515asked:
“Women, how does it make you feel when a close guy friend admits he has feelings for you?"
Lose A Good Friend
"uncomfortable. because 9/10 times, the friendship dies after they confess their feelings to you. especially if you start dating someone."
"I ruined a friendship with a good woman over this. Sucks. You want to shoot your shot because it could be awesome . . . . But you end up making it weird and uncomfortable for the woman. Especially if the woman is magnetic and they get hit on all the time it can really mess up a friendship."
– Deleted User
A Little Advice
"This is only from my experience but --"
"Women: You cannot treat your guy friends like your girl friends. You cannot treat your guy friends like your girl friends. You cannot treat your guy friends like your girl friends."
"If you want a guy friend, then you need to treat him like -other guys- treat their guy friends."
"It's not 100% accurate -- there are definitely guys out there that can do the guy as a girl thing, but for the most part, if you treat your guy friends like you do your girl friends, they will catch feels. They will misinterpret your emotional bonding as more -- especially if you are the more physically touchy type -- and it will end badly since he will feel that you were "leading him on.""
"Men: You cannot treat your girl friends like your girlfriends. You cannot treat your girl friends like your girlfriends. You cannot treat your girl friends like your girlfriends.
"Do you let your guy friend lean his head on your shoulder? Do you let your guy friend hold your hand casually? (no shame for the guy friends who do - in fact, you probably don't have this problem since you can separate romantic and platonic intimacy) Do you listen to your guy friends talk about their feeling for hours on the phone?"
"Guys getting "signals": Look at how your friend treats their girl friends. Is it the same kinda stuff that you are interpreting as signals? Is it the stuff that is making you have feels? Grow up. Let your friend know that you have to step away from the friendship; or at the very least, let them know that *action is normally something you reserve for romantic partners and to please stop *action."
If You Wanna Be My Lover...
"I think what happens before this declaration matters a lot. Like have you both been flirting a little and does she seems receptive? Have you hung out at all just the two of you? Has she chatted with you about her romantic feelings for other people? If the answers are yes yes and no, proceed and things will more than likely go pretty well."
"I think in my personal experience, it's worst when it's completely out of left field, like you genuinely had no clue until that second. This happened to me and I just kind of agreed to go out on the spot because I liked him as a person and wanted to give it a chance. It was a bad relationship for both of us and ended with a lot of hurt feelings, and honestly it was my fault for not having more of a backbone about it."
"It's definitely awkward though, especially if you don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone feel unworthy or unwanted."
"What I'm getting from this thread is that the Spice Girls gave out some really bad advice in that song"
What Happens After
"Asexual aromantic here. Before I realized I'm aromantic asexual, it was confusing to me. "This person likes me and I see no problems with this person, why I don't like them back?" If course, no one has to return feelings no matter their sexual or romantic orientations. Anyway things got much easier when I now can immediate dumb people: "Sorry, I'm not looking for a relationship." Which I know is true."
"It's the aftermath that makes it or breaks it. If the guy gets what I say and returns to the platonic relationship, that's cool. However, there have been also those who do hear what I say, but they just... keep hoping. And that gets really exhausting. :/ There have been people I had to cut out of my life because they got in stuck in "what if she actually changes her mind" loop."
Rarer Than You Think
"I think I'm the only woman this has never happened to."
"You're not the only one!!"
It Doesn't Have To Be Hard
"I agree with this! I always try to be considerate in the way I respond, and I do my best to behave normally around them to send the message that it's okay for you to have told me, I don't think less of you, I really value you, it's not awkward, etc. I don't feel like other peoples' feelings toward me are a burden in any way UNLESS:"
"*They're pushy and try to convince me to give them a chance/won't accept my desire to be platonic without lashing out"
"*They won't stop talking about it and can't return to normal. I understand needing to talk about your feelings, but I'm not the appropriate person to discuss it with."
"*They completely disappear. I see a bunch of people talk about distancing themselves, and I'm okay with that as long as its communicated to me! Otherwise I am going to feel like you didn't actually value our friendship. And that circles back to the whole issue of women feeling like men are just befriending them out of romantic/sexual interest rather than genuine friendship."
"I'm still friends with several people who have had feelings for me in the past. I think we value each other and I don't feel like they're hanging around to shoot their shot or anything."
"Likewise, I've had crushes on male friends many times in the past and have behaved the way I expect them to behave toward me. If I shared my feelings and they didn't reciprocate, then oh well. I behaved normally and moved on. It wasn't always quick and painless, but it also wasn't something I let myself dwell on."
Or Can Lead To A Happy Ending
"I married him…"
"The best partners are the ones you are friends with first, so I was thrilled when my friend opened that possibility with me. We are now married."
"With other friends I have politely declined and we have returned to the friendship with no problems whatsoever."
"Not everything has to be a big deal."
Not All Black And White
"Depends on the guy, if I'm single at the time, and how he says it."
"If I'm in a relationship and it is in any way other than past tense fun story type of thing that came up naturally (as in like asking why they did something dumb in college and they are like "because I had a crush on you and was too shy to be alone with you" type of deal), I'd be pissed."
"If I'm single and think he's cute/don't think dating him would drive me crazy I'd probably feel flattered and ask him on a date right then."
"If I'm not into him I'd feel bad at first, but tell him I'm not interested and would rather just stay friends, but if he doesn't drop it I'd probably get annoyed and stop speaking to him."
"All this is assuming it is said respectfully and I don't feel trapped, if the guy was setting of my internal alarms in any way that would probably be the end of the friendship though."
The Other Side
"“Now I gotta deal with this”"
"Yeah we do too, I assure you."
"Listen I understand this is a perspective from the other side, but the amount of times we as straight men are expected to just shut off our emotions and be platonic, especially when we have to go to school, or you’re friends with our friends, where it’s unavoidable, is frankly a little absurd."
"Yeah it f*cking sucks. Compassion seems to be in a cup with a hole in the bottom for things like this I’m sure, but we’re also expected by women and other men to be aggressive about stuff so we’re being pulled in two different directions. Be assertive and lead and initiate things. Also be able to disengage immediately on request. Eventually we figure it out but it is hard."
"On one hand believe me if we could turn that switch off we would. But we can’t. It’s very uncomfortable. If we could avoid you for a long enough time for the feelings to go away we would do that too. I have definitely done that and low and behold I’ve had women complain about not being their friend anymore."
"It’s extremely frustrating."
"and by all means if someone is a jerk about it or is too aggressive yeah, I bet it sucks. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. But we’re disappointed too."
"It's awkward. I never really had guy friends, and the first one I had told me he liked me even though he knew I was engaged and had met my fiancé. I am still cordial on social media if I interact with him, but I don't see him in person anymore, as it just became weird."
"Yeah… someone like that is kind of scummy. To try and develop an emotional rapport with someone who’s in a relationship/engaged/married is f*cked up and kind of speaks to what kind of morals that person has."
Ouch! That is awkward!