It can't be easy, as a father, to meet your son's or daughter's significant other. Your job as a parent is to ensure your child is raised right, with a proper set of morals, and to protect them from the harms of the outside world. Allowing them to date means you have to allow them to let a person close, closer than what might feel comfortable. A good parent would trust their own skills, believe their child can make the right decision, and be there if things go end.
Still, you're allowed to feel icky about it.
Reddit user, u/Greeferr, wanted to hear about:
In high school when I met my girlfriend's father for the first time he asked me how long my arms were. I said I don't know maybe 32 inches; his reply was "I want Amy 36 inches from you at all times."
We All Hate Him
Big sister here. My dad (and the entire rest of the family) absolutely despised my baby sister's boyfriend. He was a condescending jackoff that gave her an eating disorder, among other mental health issues.
One morning she walks into the living room with a black eye. Every one of us was ready to kill the moron. Turned out she dropped her phone onto her face. But the fact that we all believed he was capable of that really shook her.
I had warring feelings when they broke up. I felt bad for her because of how absolutely devastated she was, but was happier than a pig in poop that it didn't last. I also happened to get dumped the same day, so, joy.
Fast forward a few months, and one of her best friends finally works up the courage to ask her out (only took him 4 years). It's longer distance, because they are in colleges in different states, but she saw the immediate difference when the first weekend he drove out to her dorm because he wanted to see her.
Flash forward 3.5 years to today. They are getting married in a few months, and he's already part of the family.
Jokes on him.....
I personally never hated any of my children's interests, but I do remember having a girlfriend who's father hated me so much he thought it'd be funny to put me on a horse that wasn't tame and let me ride it (was my first time around horses and almost ended with me being thrown). Jokes on him cause I married that girl. We get along now, he's not so bad once you get past the trying to injure me bit.
My father HATED my first serious boyfriend, but was almost always warm and welcoming to him. I asked him recently (am now 45) why he didn't ban me from seeing him or stop him from staying over. His answer was that if he'd done that then I'd have run off with him and got married and it would have been a disaster. He was absolutely right and I'm so grateful he let me work out myself that I didn't want to live with a cheating speed freak.
Well for me it is pretty simple.
I want her to make good decisions, and that means choosing someone who also makes good decisions. The only people I have ever had a problem with are those that are don't make good decisions about their lives.
IMHO teaching your kids to love intentionally is the best life skill you can give them.
Not me but my SIL's last boyfriend. He was a total dbag. Made inappropriate jokes about their sex life in front of the family, was always talking crap about others behind their back and literally just smoked and played video games all day and relied on her to pay rent, food etc. He did carry me to some warzone victories tho so there was at least one positive out of the relationship.
My parents weren't keen on my boyfriend cause he was the type to make money out of nothing... so they thought of him as being a hustler... they love him now... I married him and he is a great father and husband.
My stepdad absolutely hated my ex boyfriend; at the time I couldn't understand it and thought he was being judgmental, but looking back I can see why.
He would always ask for lifts home if he came round (didn't wait for anyone to offer he'd just straight up ask) thought it was ok to smoke out of my window (I was trying to impress him by making out it was fine) and insisting on bringing his dog over; despite my stepdad being allergic.
This guy really thought he could get away with manipulating and taking advantage of people because he was charming, I'm so glad my stepdad saw right through him.
I had terrible taste in boyfriends, my dad hated them all. So when I brought my now-husband home for the first time, my dad was literally cleaning his guns in the living room to intimidate him i guess?
But my dad was impressed when he recognized the guns and started chatting about them confidently.
with a passion....
My middle kids boyfriend. I hate him with a passion. She's made so many bad choices while with him (I know her choices I should blame her and I do) and he encourages them. They abuse drugs together etc. it's a mess. And he's just a jerk I know her problems won't go away even if he was gone, but good lord do I just want him to go away.
I met my best friend now by dating his daughter. His daughter and I didn't last two years but he and I have been friends for over 35 years. Apparently all her previous boyfriends had been pieces of crap. One so bad that he threw him bodily over his car hood for something he said.
Twenty-twenty hindsight I dodged a bullet with his daughter. Nice enough person but we would have been divorced in less than five years.
My eldest is 6 so her first and only "bf". Hate is a strong word and I never let her know what I thought. This is her paraphrased description:
He is 7. He gets in trouble sometimes for climbing the fence. He wears knee pads even when he gets off his bike. He is nice to me.
I remember listening to her and silently screaming "f*** she likes the bad boys. This is going to be a big problem in about 8 years".
Oh well. Kinda expected since I was one of those bad boys.
Well, my daughter's dad hates all boyfriends now and to infinity of our 16yo. That's why she doesn't tell him anything. I know which ones she's talked to. I'm also a teacher, so I have an inside track. I've been ok with the ones she's liked. Right now, one of my former students is a tentative beau.
Even though he's 18, he's VERY respectful in every situation I've witnessed and heard about the two years I knew him and now. I know his mom and what she expects. Even better, he knows I will kick his everloving butt if he acted up. I like that level of fear in respect. Doubly awesome, he's off to college soon on a baseball scholarship.
A Hero's Welcome...
Our daughter's first boyfriend was a confused young man, nice enough guy, but later events somewhat explained his behavior. On a Friday night if they had a date she would be excited all week, rush home to get ready and then from 30 minutes before the time he said he would pick her up, she'd sit on the couch and look out the window in anticipation.
He worked at a mall kiosk and had a sh!tty car, but he was good looking, popular and he was her world. But, for every date he would call her, often just 5 minutes before the pickup time and say he was going to be an hour late because of work.
Then he would do it again an hour later, and then again. Our kid was trying to be understanding and not get mad, but you could just see the disappointment wash over her each time, and her enthusiasm deflate out of her.
The last part of the fool move was to call her one last time and say he couldn't make it at all, and then show up 5 minutes later to a Hero's welcome. Our daughter would be so overjoyed at seeing him, albeit often 4 hours late, that she would just forgive him. I thought it was a fool move and was emotional manipulation, and I called him out on one day, but he played dumb.
The relationship ran its course in a few weeks, as young love does, and we didn't see him again. We did hear through the grapevine that after the relationship with our daughter ended, he changed teams. That was actually his challenge all along, he didn't want to spend time with our daughter because he didn't like girls, but he was trying to fulfill societies expectations.
My dad and stepdad both hated my ex, and honestly so did every single person in my life. But the worst thing he said to my stepdad happened after I picked him up from downtown after a night of drinking. I brought him back to my house, and we were in the living room with my mom and stepdad. I don't remember what happened in between this, but he told my stepdad how he was going to have sex with me.
"For my Daughter"Giphy
This one little fool was a total good for nothing. No job (in fact never had a job) and spent his days sitting watching TV. They were officially a couple for about a year, though he didn't take her out for a meal even once. I didn't see it going anywhere - and thankfully it didn't.
Maybe I was being too hard on him - both of them were only 3 and a half years old, but you've got to look out for your daughter.....
I'm a single mom of a girl. She's almost 20 now but when she was about 16 she brought home this boy and I HAAAAAAATED him. I like to think I'm a pretty easy going mom, but I flat out forbid her from seeing this idiot ever again.
She brought him to a family picnic and we kept telling me and our family that if we wanted "good vodka". He knew where to get some and could hook me up, that he only drank the best beers and had a good collection of liquids. I finally told him to go home and that a 17 year old bragging about the high end alcohol he consumed wasn't impressive to anyone. God I hated him.
I hated my daughter's boyfriend because of what he represented. Otherwise he was a good kid.
But I Called.
My parents are the kind of people who adopt all my partners. Very sweet, very welcoming, supportive people. My dad gave one of them a job long after we'd broken up, even.
Anyway, this guy I dated a few years ago cheated on me and kicked me out aaaand it was a big mess. His life kinda fell apart afterwards tho so I feel like I dodged a bullet.
Anyway. My dad hates him and we regularly talk crap about him. I tell my parents about every time I hear from him specifically so we can laugh at him.
He bought my old car from me recently and tried to scam me out of a few hundred dollars (after trying to pay me in part with oxycontin, because that's what he spends all his money on) and I told him I'd called my dad over it and that my dad had said he expected nothing better from him/was disappointed/etc. (even though I hadn't, I just did it to be mean) and this guy drives away in tears over it.
Told my dad that afterward and he said he wished I HAD called him, because he would've had much harsher words than that.
"A Young Fella"
My daughter is 15 and was going out with a young fella who was 16. They would frequently argue about her friends because he was jealous, I tolerated until she started not socializing with her friends then I had a word with him. Told him that if he could not accept she was her own person without trying to control her to combat his own insecurity then I would put a stop to him spending any time with her. He seemed to listen.
Fast forward a week or two. She was all excited because they were going to the beach and would get to play on someone's JetSki. She came back into the house a few hours later shaken and in tears, said he had taken her a few hundred metres off shore on the JetSki, started yelling at her, calling her a moron and then pushed her off threatening to leave her there.
Yeah. So I went down to his house and spoke to his parents. Told them that I wasn't going to deal with him because, well, you know. Said that they needed to deal with him and if he contacted her again I was going to the cops.
Turns out, Samoan's mums and dads take that sort of thing pretty seriously. He turned up with his dad who told me the mum had taken the jandal to him... basically spanked her 16 year old after tearing a shred out of him in front of the family. He was made to apologize to me, my wife and my daughter and promised to stay away. The dad told me to let him know directly if he didn't keep that promise.
I almost felt sorry for the little sh!te but, nah, not my daughter buddy.
My daughter is 20. She's still dating her first boyfriend that started at 15. He's a really great guy. I hope they get married someday. So I guess I hate him the most, lol.
"She Got It"
Older brother here. Little sister brought this dude to a winter cabin rental. Omg, 3 days and this dude NEVER stopped talking. He was slightly a know-it-all, but it was way more annoying that he felt we all needed to know his opinion on everything. My 3 other siblings were all very nice to him, but once the weekend was over we could not stop ranting about him (not telling my little sister of our disgust).
Luckily she figured this out on her own and she broke up with him a month later.
None. I have four daughters, and the partners they have chosen to be in their lives are great. Smart, solid people. I credit their mothers with helping them understand what really matters.
The drug dealer I found in my basement, who I told publicly that in public that if I found him within 10p yards of her again, I would give him a slow painful death. 21 years old chasing a 14 year old girl. I kicked him out of my house. I did t open the door. Best repair bill I ever paid. Set my reputation around here among the boys.
My dad HATED my ex- he "bowed" theatrically when he met my family and made a mockery of how important it was for me to have them all meet. Literal worst first impression and it only got worse from there when he turned emotionally abusive and slept with my friends.
Years after the breakup, my dad saw my ex walking the street in the city. My dad, who is typically kind and passive, hacked a mouth full of spit/snot at him and kept walking.
"I'm super lucky."Giphy
I'm super lucky. My daughter was suffering from bipolar disorder (she's ok now) and was ostracized by most of her friends. One boy reached out and befriended her while she was sick. They've been dating for 2 years now. She's in college now, he's joined the Marines and was recently accepted to their Recon unit (their special forces). She has a love letter from him on her fridge, and whenever I read it I think how lucky I am that they found each other. His parents are super cool too. I hope they get married some day.
"An old Mate"
Older brother here. The one I hated the most was actually an old mate I no longer associated with. He was a grub, had hit his previous girlfriends, came from a super abusive household with holes in all the walls, and had even stomped on an ex girlfriends belly to abort a baby.
Oh yeah, and when him, me and his best mate got caught in a rip at the beach, me and him got out of it. We looked at each other, I looked over at his best friend who was drowning, and when I looked back at my sister's future boyfriend he had already bailed.
I didn't even like the guy who was drowning but I wasn't just gonna leave him there to die. I went back to help while my sister's future boyfriend swam up to the beach and laid on the sand.
Oh yeah, and when she asked him about it he said that I was the one that bailed and HE was the one that stayed to help the drowning mate.
Father of a 2 year old.
She's infatuated with this scumbag named Elmo.
He never stops laughing.
Can't stand the guy.
"- on my daughter's wishes -"
There were several but the one who had a secret daughter that he never mentioned until the child support people came knocking was a shock to all concerned. The guy had already been caught lying and I gave him the benefit of the doubt but when that poop landed I stood at the door of their house - on my daughter's wishes - and waited until he'd packed his crap and escorted him off the premises. Los of empty threats and BS but he never showed his face again.
Not a dad but my dad's daughter. He hated a bf I had in college, because he treated me like garbage, constantly hurting me, breaking up with me at night to take another girl home then apologize in the morning, texting other girls, and hit me when he was drunk. After we broke up I went into a dark depression we all thought I'd probably die from, and my dad cried over it and I'll always hate part of 22 year old me for that.
I get regular nightmares about one of my sister's boyfriends. He shows up, like he always did, never leaves, like he never did, and no one listens to how much I hate him, like no one did. I was gaslighted to hell and back regarding his behavior. I hate him so much. I can't quite grasp or describe it. My current brother-in-law is an angel and I'm so grateful for him. But the memories of this one person just wont go. I had a nightmare last night.
Her first high school boyfriend. I saw the texts between them, he was pressuring her to have sex with him and demeaning her so, I picked up the phone when he called one day and without saying anything to him at all he had an attitude problem with me. I told him he needed to check his attitude with me and treat my daughter with respect. He promptly told me verbatim to "go screw myself" and then dared me to do anything about it. I had a discussion with the school principal and his football coach, he was promoted to student only within the week.
"A Good Lot"
I liked all my daughter's boyfriends. They were all interesting and respectful and decent, at least to me. I'm sure she would not have put up with any bullcrap. I don't often run into them despite this being a big small town but I always enjoy seeing them when I do.
I mostly of hate all of them, I'm old and of course, its not that i don't understand their generation, it's them, and i stand by it (insert skinner meme).
But it's not up to me. I've always been very open about the fact that I only care about how they treat her. It doesn't matter how I relate with them.
That being said, I'll stab a kid if he doesn't treat her properly.
"She's had Two"
The first one. She's had two, him and the current one who's a nice guy (other than we absolutely don't agree on politics, but hey).
I "didn't know" about the first one. Her mum told me about him as he was actually someone I taught. So I had to see him several times a week while I just _know_ he was lording it up at me "not knowing" he was seeing my little girl (by little, I mean 17/18). I never got to give him the "treat her well" speech because of this. And he didn't. Dumping her was the best thing he did for her, though.
I have a 7 year old as well, so maybe I'll get a chance to threaten her boyfriends when she grows up.
My daughter is seven. She has not had a boyfriend yet. I am going to hate.
The control freaks (you cant have any male friends and if you don't answer my texts right away, I'm going to accuse you of cheating),
The egotistical ones (I'm damn awesome and God's gift to women, you better be feeling lucky to be with me),
The materialistic ones (my suped up car needs new seats so imma spend all my money on them then watch my car sit on my driveway cuz I can't put fuel in it).
The abusive ones (you'll do as I say and like it or else fool).
The lazy ones (nah babe. Am just going to sit in my room and play console all day and ignore you, but later maybe i might give you 5 minutes of my day).
Not a dad, a friend. I have disliked every one of my best friend's boyfriends. Unfortunately she is now marrying one of them. Is this the one I hate most? I'm pretty sure, but it might be just because of the fact that I know I'll have to deal with him until their eventual divorce.
My daughter had her first "boyfriend." Piece of work asked if she wanted to be his girlfriend and then ghosted her after a week. She had to see him every day at preschool, but he wouldn't talk to her for some reason. Her tiny little heart was broken bad, and I wanted blood.
I'm a father with a boy in 4th grade. That kid already had at least 6-7 "girlfriends". Worst one was a blonde one who made him carry all of her stuff and made him get everything for her, from pencils to her lunch box. He used to come home everyday crying because his back was hurting and his feet ached. I asked him what happened and he said "My girlfriend is making me her butler".
I asked him why doesn't he stand up to her and leave her (After congratulating him for having a girlfriend haha) and he said "because she's smokin hot" That night I told him what a real lover is supposed to be like and told him to leave her and never talk to her. I saw her later when I picked him up early when school let out for COVID-19 quarantine and saw what he meant. The girl threw her backpack at her dad and hopped into his Range Rover. Hated her after that stunt she pulled.
Well, That's Just RudeGiphy
Mofo emptied all but one ice cube out of the ice cube tray and didn't refill.
Never On Time, Never In The Moment
Her current (first) one. She's 16 and "in love" and I'm trying to be supportive but this boy is a complete a-- hat. He frequently blows her off to play video games, is never on time when they're supposed to meet up (by like hours) and just doesn't seem to appreciate her or her time. I've told her this multiple times, and have subtly suggested maybe they should take "a break" but they're still together.
Your Background Doesn't Matte As Much As Your Actions
It's funny because my 2 daughters thought they had a read on me and didn't. They thought I wanted the male college graduate from a prosperous family. I don't know how they came to that conclusion. One is gay and one has fallen for an army guy. I like both of their choices because they work hard, respect my daughters, and will stand up to me to defend them (not viciously or anything.)
The boyfriend I hated was the one where my daughter was trying to please me. He was going to engineering school, prosperous family, nice car, and good grades. But he was an a--, would pressure her to do things that got her in trouble, and made her think he wanted to marry her in high school if she would wait. He was manipulative and wasn't respectful of my daughter, me, or my wife. I'm glad he moved and is out of the picture. The new guy has nothing but respect and a hard work ethic.
Keep One Eye Open
The one who became her first husband because I knew his parents and that spousal abuse is a learned behaviour.
You Can't Be Serious...Giphy
Guy comes rolling down the driveway on a ratted out, semi-bobbed Honda motorcycle with no baffles in the exhaust. He stood about 5'7" 120 lbs, wearing a leather vest, no shirt, biker chaps, and zero helmets on the bike. I thought it had to be some kind of practical joke. His name was "Ace". He told me this from behind much-too-large aviators. Cocky little bastard.
He attempts to fist bump me at the door, calls me "dude" and calls my 18-year-old daughter "sweet tits" when she walked out of the house.
Guess who stayed home and watched movies with Daddy that night?
Faking It Till He Makes It
I don't hate him, don't even dislike him but he goes overboard with the whole "sir" thing, always bringing my wife flowers, always so goddamned formal and overly respectful to the point of parody in my mind.
Probably just the way he was raised but it keeps me from being able to tell what kind of person he really is because I'm always confronted with this obviously false persona.
It feels either disingenuous or like he's trying way too hard.
He was raised in a Trumpian conservative household (which doesn't bode well for their relationship but at the moment she's ignoring it) so again maybe it's just the way he was raised.
I'll give him some time to get more comfortable, hopefully he'll come around.
Probably should have used an alt. Since my daughter is a redditor and knows my UN, f-ck it maybe if she sees it it'll start a discussion.
The one that touched the thermostat
If They're Jerks, They've been Jerks Their Whole Life
My daughter is only 2.5 years old and I already hate all of her boyfriends.
Let me guess: They put paste in her hair, steal her juiceboxes, and leave Lego on the floor?
Never Come Between A Father And His Mango
I had been saving a mango for days waiting for that perfect ripeness. Almost ate it one evening but decided that one more night would be perfect. The following day my daughter's a--hole then-boyfriend decided to eat that perfectly ripe mango before I came home from work. Never forgave him! --Also he was an entitled jerk in many other ways!
I still hate that guy that mentally abused her. The guy that didnt want her to show her tattoo ( small one that says survivor on her lower arm) because it didnot fit in the class he wanted to be in. The guy that didnt want her to cosplay because it was either too childish or softporn. The guy that didnt want her gothic clothing because it wasnt fitting to his circles. The guy that didnot want her to see her best friends and didnot want her to come along to the parties of his friends. The guy that always compared her to his female friends. The guy that gave her psychologic problems that caused her to have problems studying wich caused her dropping out of university.
Yeah, I still hate that guy.
Luckily with all the support from us, her current boyfriend and a very good psychiatrist she is overcoming her anxieties and insecureties. Last month she graduated as a certified nurse working with elderly people with alzheimers. I am so freaking proud of her.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.