I will never forget my first trip on the high seas. One of my best friends and I took a fabulous trip to the paradise Bermuda. It was a glorious trip into the horizon. But beyond the beach, the grandness of the ship and the sense of peace on the water, one aspect of the trip stuck with me most.... witnessing the behavior of cruise life. Cruise life is a real thing, that people take very, very seriously. Who knew? Guests on cruise ships are crazy. I mean.... crazy. Most for good but some.... highly questionable. Workers on cruise ships deserve a medal I swear. LOLOL. I can't wait to set sail again.
Redditor u/bubba1217 wanted staff on the open seas to tell a tale or two about cruise life behavior by asking.... Cruise Ship Employees: What's the stupidest thing you've witnessed a passenger doing aboard the ship?
Out of Shanghai
Fire Extinguisher GIF by Playing With Fire
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Worked for Royal Caribbean for 7 years, was based out of Shanghai at the time and saw a guest put a lit cigarette in a garbage can. You can guess what happened 30 seconds later. Luckily there was a fire extinguisher near by.
Not Without my Chair
Saw 2 employees escort a 30-something year old woman from the pool deck back to her cabin while others were scrambling to get some rags. She had peed while lounging on a poolside deck chair, and the huge puddle was streaming into the pool. Her excuse was she did not want to give up the chair.
So many questions....
Not a cruise ship but I worked a couple of contracts on a passenger ship. Special questions passengers asked me (stupid questions don't exist but dang it, these people came close):
1-does the crew sleep onboard? (During a multi day sail). No ma'am. We change the crew every night with a submarine with a nightshift. (This one gets asked a lot).
2-could you stop those vibrations? (Sure, let me shut down the engines quickly).
3-could you stop the ship for a few minutes (after a passenger saw a whale and wanted to take pictures).
4-can i get a tour in the crew's area? (I sort of understand this question but let's just assume that we don't really like to show our house to random people you meet at work). No sir, regulations don't allow that.
5-what do you mean I should know not to hang my clothes there? (Right after a passenger found out that the sprinkler head actually goes off if you brake the glass tube when you try to hang your clothes hanger on there. It was a nice fire fighting exercise).
Overboard
doc savage dive GIF by Warner Archive
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Not an employee, but a former frequent cruiser. I once saw someone sitting on the railings that surround the top deck of the ship. If they'd fallen, they would've been killed instantly.
Who is not Stupid?
I wasn't an employee but I was on business to work with the employees so kind of had the backdoor experience. The dumbest thing I saw was someone standing on railings, luckily it didn't last long.
But one of my favorite things I saw was in the "club" style bar. A woman maybe like 85 was straight up dancing like she were 23 to some techno. We joked that her hip replacement must have been top notch.
As a passenger I think the stupidest thing I witnessed was myself ordering liquor drinks like they weren't watered down.
Death's Trip
Die.
Hear me out. Many cruises, especially the cheaper ones, become YOLO nursing homes for the extremely elderly/unwell who want to spend their last days on vacation. Because forget everyone who will be massively inconvenienced by your death aboard a vessel in international waters. The amount of extremely frail or sick old people on cruises is staggering. There's a trend of blowing their retirement/life savings on a non stop series of cruises with the expectation that they will either die on board or their kids will put them up somewhere when they get back.
Not only is their death a problem but they tend to treat the service staff like their hospice nurses, requiring an extraordinary amount of maintenance to keep happy and comfortable. Almost any cruise employee develops an intense hatred of old people by the end of their time.
Dangerous Tides
I saw a woman walking through one of the buffet restaurants, stop pull a funny face, wiggle a bit and then carry on walking. You guessed it she had just shat herself and then left a log on the carpet and carried on straight outside to carry on eating. Absolutely vile. Of course the restaurant had to be shut until it could be cleaned properly and the whole area sanitized thoroughly.
I personally got arrested in Spain once, but I was lucky and got out of the clink before anyone noticed I was gone so I turned up to work the next morning as if nothing had happened (drunk and disorderly type of thing)
I'm sure I can think of more given time...
will ferrell snl GIF by Saturday Night Live
The stupidest thing I've ever seen was probably on one of those weekend booze cruises. There was a group of former cheerleaders who were clearly out of practice and very drunk. They attempted to do a pyramid on the pool deck and 2 out of the 3 ended up in the infirmary.
The stupidest thing I've ever done when I was working on ships? I got drunk on Absinthe in St. Petersburg, Russia, and nearly got arrested before I got back to the ship.
Stay Sober
Drinking so much they fell down a flight of stairs and broke their spine. Putting a still smoldering cigarette butt into a trash can inside the ship and setting the can on fire. Both happened while I was working onboard, seen by coworkers. Other than that, just really stupid questions and any generic dumb crap customers do at retail/hospitality places/restaurants on land.
Rona Days
Cruise Ship GIF by GIPHY News
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Boarding a ship during a pandemic. (Not actually a cruise ship employee.)
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I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
Donald Duck Sleeping GIFGiphy"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
Pippi Longstocking Chaos GIF by ZDFGiphy"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
Tired Fight Club GIFGiphy"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
andrew huang pots GIF by SoundflyGiphy"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Cloud Storm GIF by Weather UndergroundGiphyWhy beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Pluto Flyby GIFCan you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
No Idea Reaction GIF by BounceGiphyThe sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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