I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
Donald Duck Sleeping GIFGiphy"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
Pippi Longstocking Chaos GIF by ZDFGiphy"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
Tired Fight Club GIFGiphy"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
andrew huang pots GIF by SoundflyGiphy"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Cloud Storm GIF by Weather UndergroundGiphyWhy beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Pluto Flyby GIFCan you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
No Idea Reaction GIF by BounceGiphyThe sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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People Break Down The Cruelest Thing A Family Member Has Ever Said To Them
In a perfect world, family has your back harder than anyone else.
In the real world, it can sometimes be your family that cuts deeper than anyone else. Intentional or not, the people closest to you have the ability to seriously super suck.
No, you're not the only one who has dealt with a mom who just, for the life of themselves, can't NOT be critical. Or a dad who just always seemed chronically underwhelmed by you.
One Reddit user asked:
What is the most cruel thing a family member has said to you? Who?
You know what they say; sticks and stones may break your bones but words can ... leave you deeply scarred and in need of therapy. Whoever said they couldn't hurt you was a lying liarpants.
Too Young To Have Problems
"As a child (13) i was diagnosed with kidney cancer."
"The news hit me pretty hard because, as a kid that had lost family to cancer, I knew how serious it was. My diagnosis threw me into horrid depression."
"The mother of my step father (so step grandma) laughed at me when the news got to her because "You're too young to have problems so just get over it."
"My mother was flabbergasted. She already hated the woman. Probably a factor in us cutting her completely out of our life once my step father passed - he had already been in the hospital for 2 years at that point and he hated watching the two of them (my mother and his mother) fight."
"My mother sparred telling him for the sake of peace. He died without ever knowing what his mom said. I'm still in and out of remission, currently doing good."
- metalicoe
Glad you're doing much better now! That's a relief.
"Like You Ruined Mine"
"When I (a married adult) told my father I was expecting a baby he said: "Get an abortion, a kid will ruin your life, like you ruined mine." Broke my heart. My kids are the two best things that have ever happened to me and my husband."
"They are adults now and I cannot for the life of me ever understand how a parent could feel the way my father feels, much less understand why he would say such a vile thing."
"It says more about him than me. His loss."
- Veganmon
It says sooo much more about him than you. Vile, indeed.
Not The Call OP Was Expecting
"Toxic childhood, my mother had no parenting skills."
"When I was 15 she assaulted me pretty terribly for asking if she would buy groceries because I hadn't eaten in a few days. I moved out the next day and couch surfed for a long time."
"After putting myself through university and getting an advanced honors degree, she called me... to tell me that I'm stuck up and think I'm better than my family."
"I'm doing well now. I have a lovely wife who loves me, a good job even through the pandemic, and I haven't spoken to my family in a long time, which is for the best."
"Still struggling through that for sure (guilt, anger, etc.), but doing alright with it."
- AwkwardCranberry7
The projection!
You know that's projection, right?
It says nothing about you – and a lot about her.
Too Ugly, Too Dark
"My mom wouldn't ever let me go to parties with her and my dad when I was a kid. She brings my sister and little brother though because they have light skin (we're from Asia)."
"One day I dressed up and got ready because everyone else did. And then she asked me "Why are you getting ready?" and I asked why "Aren't we going to a party?". She stared at me and told me "No... you're too ugly" in our language."
"I'm 21 now and our relationship has never been the same since. I aged well though thankfully but it still stings whenever I remember it."
"I also remember our most recent fight - I was mad that my sister who graduated college more than 5 years ago now still gets allowance while I, still in school, with full units, with a full scholarship, am working for my own bills and allowance."
"None of my siblings had to work while they're studying. Now she even gets my savings and gets mad at me whenever I ask for it back."
"I know my life's sucky right now but after I'm done with school, I'm planning on going no-contact with everyone and will build my own life and hopefully find people who truly love me."
"Sorry for the rant. It's nice to let out a little sometimes when I can."
- artmxs
No need to apologize – this is a safe space, after all.
Not Exactly Worried About A Rapist's Review
"I'm a pale woman with dark body hair. My mother saw that I hadn't shaved my legs in a while and said: "You need to shave that hair off, what happens if you get attacked and they rush you to emergency and the doctors have to see that hair?"
- grindelvvald
WHAT?
Pretty sure the doctors won't care a bit – and that your hair would be the last thing on your mind.
Beat Me Stupid
"My dad told me if I didn't change my attitude my future husband would beat me stupid. I'm actually married to a very smart and kind man. My father is, and always has been, a piece of sh*t."
"Me always being strong was what made my father hate me even more. He was abusive and would hit us. So this was a common thing he would say to break me down."
- postylowkeyokey
Another abuser projecting their nonsense on the people around them. Hope you've gotten far, far away from that – and that you're happier now!
Too Stupid, Naïve and Immature
"When I was in middle school I applied for a college training type program. They help you apply, gain knowledge etc while you're still in school."
"On the way to the interview my dad told me he was wasting his money, gas and time on something so ridiculous, because I was too stupid, naïve and immature to ever be accepted into this program, let alone graduate hs or make it to college."
"I spent that entire ride bawling my eyes out, aced that interview, and had my first two years of college paid for. F*ck you dad."
- GothSpite
You did it! The best success is revenge, as they say.
What Do You Even Contribute?
"I (23f) got a notice in the mail saying that my insurance company was lowering my rates on car and rental policies. I told my mom (53) and she said, "rental? What do you even contribute to the house?"
"I'm 23 years old, I'm a medical biller and make a decent salary for someone who has two years experience but not enough to move out yet."
"When my dad passed away at age 49 from cancer five years ago, I helped my mom a lot by helping her settle my dad's will, help her make financial decisions, cook, clean, signed us up for medical insurance, help my older brother (26) with his and her taxes I also helped him apply for school financial aid. I was a teenager."
"I took time off of work take care of her after two major surgeries because my brother didn't feel "comfortable". I would drive him to places too. We use to share a car and I paid for over $100 a month for gas and he would only give me $20."
"I snapped at my mom because I know if I didn't step up my older brother wouldn't even do anything. I told her everything I did and still do for this family. I don't mind that they rely on me to help them but I'm not going to set myself on fire to keep them warm anymore."
"My mom did apologize and she didn't realize how much I did for her and my older brother. I accept the apology but those words still sting my heart."
- Calypos_Luna
Naturally. The best apology is changed behavior. Hopefully her behavior changed.
I Left For A Reason
"I tracked down my estranged mother a couple years ago after she had been gone from my life since I was 5. When she figured out who I was, her response was: "I don't have a daughter. I left for a reason."
"Then she hung up the phone and I just stood there in my living room trying not to cry. It hurt, but I made it 34 years without her and I have every intention of continuing to do so."
- feralhippie
This is a very good point. You did it before and you're doing it now. You are stong – and certainly do not need that sort of energy in your life one bit.
She Took My Hand And Said...
"When I was 9 I adored my older sister (8 years older than me). I just wanted to be like her in every way."
"One day I did something (probably an annoying little sister thing) and she took my hand, led me to my room and told me, "You don't understand how powerful the word hate is yet but you one day will and you should know I hate you. 100% hate you."
"She said it so matter of factly and just walked out. It broke my heart. Changed me from that day forward."
- KaEcold
What?! She said this to a child?! Why?
Hopefully you've steered clear of her in your adulthood.
After Mom Died
"After my mother died, my first cousin's wife told me that I was no longer a member of the family because I was adopted (as an infant, FYI) and the death of my mother severed my membership in the family. I was 41 when she said this to me."
"For an adopted child—at least for me, fear of rejection is an early childhood trauma you can't escape. I had WONDERFUL adoptive parents."
"When she said that to me I half expected them to rise from the grave to defend me. They loved me, I am secure in that. But the knowledge that she felt that way and nobody else shut her down still hurts."
- CartoonistSpecific75
Understandably! We're sorry you had to deal with such pain.
Family, blood family, is unfortunately not guaranteed to be your biggest support. That's why it's important to remember that you can choose your family. And that's freedom.
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