During the span of years between Kindergarten and Senior Year, a slew of horrifying actions are committed by children.
These faux pas are not entirely their fault. Nobody's brain is fully developed and for a hefty bulk of those years, everyone interacting with one another is completely at the whims of strong hormonal dynamics.
But, my God, how hilarious to look back on it all from the safety of adulthood, knowing that--hopefully--you are not so dumb or terrible or insecure or awkward anymore.
That said, we're not suddenly seamless these days either. we only grow so fast...
A Devastating Event For Anyone
Playing an icebreaker where you have to pick a cereal box off the ground with your teeth and cannot let your knees or elbows touch the ground.
I bend down but my tight khakis ripped right at the crotch level. Oh and I wasn't wearing boxers.
Picture me, squatted as low as possible teabagging a tiny piece of cardboard COMPLETELY hanging out in the middle of a circle of like 40 people.
A Plagiarist and a Hack
Did a stand-up comedy routine at the elementary school talent show that was just me retelling an entire Pinky and the Brain episode.Giphy
Maybe Get Some Butter to Get Things Movin’
Leaned too far forward in my desk and tipped it over. It was the kind where the chair is attached to the desk so I actually got stuck in it.
Everyone in the classroom watched as my TA had to run over and tip the desk back upright with me still in it.
Accidental Don Juan
I had to teach sex ed and one of the students asked me how many girls I'd been with. I panicked and said: "I have no idea" which was recieved as "So many I've lost count."
Puberty. Nuff Said.
Got caught by the Principal (she saw me through the window during her rounds) while drawing my English teacher nude during her lecture. And she showed the drawing to my father.
Love is NOT the Same as XBOX Live
In 3rd grade I wrote a love letter to a girl I liked, and signed it "iron raptor" because I thought that sounded so fu**ing cool.
When Friends Aren’t There For Ya
I had walked around school all day in light wash jeans covered in period blood.
A Crisp Fall Day, What Are You Gonna Do?
I still remember the day when we talked about Nazis (since we live in germany it was a topic about "how to spot them")... and I happened to wear EXACTLY the clothes the guys who visited the school described.
The Imperfect Crime
I had a great evening and forgot to close the tab, came in class and opens my laptop with full smile to hear AAAHHHHH HARDER PLEASE AAAAAAAAAAHHH ,Giphy
Cut Your Losses
Middle school. I'm out walking the halls for some reason. Hottest girl in school is walking up the stairs right in front of me. She trips and faceplants into the stairs.
I was so scared to talk to her that i sprinted up the stairs right past her instead of seeing if she was alright.