You guys, kids are creepy. If you're a parent, you probably know this - or maybe you just were the creepy kid - like me! Remember guys, all of the "quirky" "dark" celebs we love were probably creepy kids at one point. So we're not saying creepy kids stay creepy - just that we really need to acknowledge their existence. And maybe get to some healthy redirecting. I mean, it's not their fauly they're creepy. They just are.
Reddit user @Edge_Goldie asked:
Brace yourself, you're about to enter a world of entitlement, lack of boundaries, inappropriate activities, and at least one or two pet murders. Yeah... kids are terrifying.
"I Think We May Have A Problem"
Tried to kill my baby by smashing his head between the couch and coffee table. I told the mother. Next night she says, "yeah, he tried to do it to the dog, I think we may have a problem". Oh yeah, THAT'S where we should draw the line. Christ.
The Peanut Butter Sandwich
We had friends at church who were very nice, but somehow ended up with deeply disturbed children. I walked in on their son pleasuring himself with half of the peanut butter sandwich I had just made him.
Using It As A Foot Massager
Not a parent, but once at a sleepover when I was about 12 my dad ordered pizza and one of the girls kept stepping on a slice and using it as a foot massager... my dad is still perplexed by this even over a decade later.
I am not a parent but we used to have this creepy neighbor kid that didn't understand boundaries. He wasn't allowed at our house after a few incidents, but our neighbor thought we were being harsh and let him play with her kids.
He was around 10-12 and her daughter was 8 or 9. After their play date her daughter told her the boy had wanted to play house and he was going to be the "Dad" and she would be the "Mom."
After pretending to beat her around as "Dad" he then started dry-humping her.
Obviously, he was never allowed over again and the neighbor went to raise Hell at that kid's parents but they got defensive of their son and threatened her.
It's pretty clear now that he was reenacting what he thought Moms and Dads do based on what went on in his own home.
I'm the weird kid in this story...
There was this kid I used to hang out with all the time, I used to go over to his house and we played video games for hours straight. This one time, me and another friend went over to his house to ask him if he wanted to come play with us. They weren't at home, but they had their cleaning lady in their house working.
Now I can't remember if it is the lady who invited us in, or if we invited ourselves in given our familiarity with the place, but one way or another we went inside and helped ourselves with his video games, completely unaware of the weirdness of the situation that we're in. The lady even brought us snacks. They eventually came back to find two kids in their living room playing video games. His mom got upset with the lady I think, but I do remember her calmly explaining us that it was not okay and we shouldn't be in their home again unless they are home.
I really wasn't the brightest kid.
Not A Service I Offer
11 year old kid comes to my house. Friend of my daughter's. She goes into the bathroom, poops and then calls out for assistance. Apparently her parents still wipe her @ss.
Sorry kid, this is not a service I offer.
"I Just Wanted To Be Like Her"
A girl came over to my house and did come super psychopath "I want your life" sh*t.
This girl I knew from 1st grade came over for a sleep over. We must have fought over something, because I went up to my room because I got so mad at her, I forget why, it must've been big though because I'm not one to march out on a guest. Anyway, while I'm upstairs crying, I see in the mesh pocket of her away bag a bright pink Easter egg with some fur stinking out of it...and I realize I hear faint squeaking. I go over, pick up the egg, and it's warm and shaking. I open it and my pet mouse like explodes out of there. I'm absolutely horrified! I see in the bag all of my favorite toys and some of my clothes.
She took them and squirreled them away in her clothes to try to hide them. I go down stairs with the Easter egg, ready to absolutely raise Hell with my evidence, only to see my mom in the kitchen quite shaken already. There she is, looking down at my pet guinea pig in its cage, nose bloody, right front paw TORN OFF, and obviously dead. This kid was sitting on the couch watching TV acting like she had no idea what happened. In less than one hour this kid brutally murdered my pet, tried to take another one for later, and planned to take my favorite toys and even some of my clothes. My mom was like "nope," sent me to a friend's house and drove that kid home because she wasn't waiting for her parents to come get her. When my mom talked to her about it while in the car, she said the girl said "I just wanted to be like her."
Never saw that kid again. Hope she's safely locked away somewhere.
I was the creepy kid.
I was staying at a friend's house for the night for her birthday. Before we all laid down, we had scared each other with stories and creepy videos. I'm easily scared and kept imagining a monster under her bed, so I couldn't sleep. Instead, I kinda sat in the hallway and tried to fall asleep there.
guess her dad came home from work because he walked into the house, rounded a corner, and saw me there hunched over and unresponsive when he called out. He went into the bedroom her mom was staying in, but I felt embarrassed so I got up and went back into the room all the kids were in. Our door was cracked, so I overheard him walking back into the hallway and saying, "I swear there was a kid here! She was just sitting there!" And the mother replying, "yeah okay, go to bed." Bonus: he peeked into our room after that and saw everyone asleep (I closed my eyes when I saw him approach the door because I was worried about getting in trouble) and muttered something about ghosts, so I'm pretty sure I helped convince that guy that his house was haunted.
One of my kids ex-friends tried to convince her to give up a toy she got for Christmas, saying things like:
"If your Mommy and Daddy loved you, they would buy you another one if I took it"
"If I had a toy like this, I would let you have it, because you should always make your friends happy."
I over heard this, then asked her to leave and not come back after she said "If you don't let me have it, I'm going to get really sad and tell your Mommy that you hit me with it, and when she puts you in time out, I'll steal it."
Friend is 4.
He Doesn't Live Here
There was a kid in our neighborhood that was two years older than me, and four years older than my brother. He was the "bad kid" in the fifth grade, but he did a really good Eric Cartman act for his mom, where he could pass himself off as a little angel and so my mom and his mom decided it would be great for us to have a sleepover.
My mom left for 10 minutes to pick up a pizza and in that amount of time he was able to root through my parent's closet and find my mom's "ADULT" toys, which he used to beat the sh!t out of my brother. It was pretty funny actually.
Two weeks later, I'm home sick playing Unreal Tournament on the PC while my parents are at my brother's soccer game, and the doorbell rings. It's two uniformed police officers, with this 12-year-old shithead in handcuffs because he had gotten into the under-construction house across the street and somehow managed to collapse about half of their attic onto the second floor of the home, and when the police caught him he told them that he lived at my house.
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
RedditorMidoriSpicewanted to hear about the lack of skills some people really need to acquire when it comes to sexy time. They asked:
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
"Assuming they already know what their partner wants/likes and doesn't communicate or take any instructions."
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"I had an ex who literally never wanted to do any kind of foreplay. He just wanted basically sex of any kind for him. He said oral on women was gross."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
"Honestly? With the partner I have, I'd think it was pretty hot and romantic lmao. I'd check in after the deed to make sure he was serious but our relationship is already very serious so it wouldn't be a big deal."
Talk to Me
"Not talking or making any noises. We don't have to dirty talk the whole time or even at all but you gotta let me know you're enjoying it at least."
"I think there's some balance between having some small talk, silence, and dirty talk while being in bed with someone. Or maybe that's just been my experience. I don't know--I think there's some fun in trying to carry a side conversation while having sex lol."
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
"I have a feeling most men will say 'lack of enthusiasm' and that most women will say 'being selfish about pleasure.'"
"I’m a woman and my first thought was lack of enthusiasm, but my own lack of enthusiasm. The only bad sex I’ve had is when I don’t genuinely want to be there. I’ve had sex with guys who weren’t ‘good at sex’ but still enjoyed it because I was really into them."
"They are convinced they know more about what works for you than you know yourself. Just cause your ex-lover Pat liked technique X doesn't mean everyone does."
"Have experienced this, it sucks. He wouldn’t listen to what I enjoyed, didn’t want me to say ANYTHING even if it hurt or wasn’t working, and would just say something along the lines of 'every other woman I’ve been with liked it.' I’m thinking, all you’ve had are one-night stands, really, so they probably didn’t say anything."
"I’ve had numerous partners and love sex. Crashed and burned with this one and he really crushed my self-esteem and sexual confidence."
"The biggest thing is always going to be selfishness and the inability/refusal to communicate and listen to your partner. I've seriously had a guy yell 'I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!' when I was trying to tell him how I liked whatever he was doing. He then got even more upset when I said 'did you just f**king yell at me? Alright, off, I'm done.'"
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
"Lack of variety. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean crazy kinks or positions from the karma sutra, but more when it's really predicable. I has an ex that had this weird routine of positions, it was exactly the same every single f**king time in exactly the same order."
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
RedditorProblemNice5257wanted to hear why so many people are still on the hunt for that perfect one. They asked:
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Same! Also it's extremely difficult when you feel so at peace being by yourself. The fact that I have to find someone whose presence outweighs my level of comfort being alone seems impossible."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"Yeah, I describe myself as a shut-in, lol. I leave my apartment to work, I leave my apartment to buy food, and occasionally I’ll bring out the trash, otherwise I just watch Hulu, play online chess, surf Reddit."
"Same. I've spent months trying to find an apartment I can afford without a roommate and finally settled on a small studio apartment for $1100 a month because I'd rather living in a tiny space and be left the hell alone than share a much nicer place even with a good friend."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
"Idk your issues but everyone's got some crap. Not sure how unique yours are but everyone's got some crap. It's good to share some of your struggles with other people. Just don't open with it haha."
"Issues unresolved or not, (in my case) only makes it worse when you feel like you could open up to them, and they just take those to use it against yourself afterwards."
"I hardly go out and expose myself to people. I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself being in a relationship at this point. Also, I'm very dry in terms of personality."
"I spent a year entirely isolated due to covid and now I can't handle physical contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and a hug is enough to make my body shut down. I'm hopeless."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
"Last relationship was so toxic, I've sworn off dating, at least for awhile. I haven't had this much free time in ages. It's nice."
"Edit: Hey, it's really great hearing from so many people with similar experiences. Like many of you, I've been taking it in stride and focusing on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. It's done wonders for my health and I feel a whole lot better. I wish y'all the very best. Stay excellent, my friends."
"I'm 35yr old single father to a 5yr old and I work nights. It's hard to find free time to meet someone, especially in my area. If I do have free time to myself, I like staying home and ordering a pizza while drinking some beers and playing video games. I pretty much faced the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life."
"I was in an 8 year relationship (married for two) to my high school sweetheart. Exactly this same time last year, we got divorced because I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. The best friend I had known LONGER than him and was friends with since fourth grade."
"She was living with us to try to get back on her feet. Yeah lol. So I lost my best friend and the man I had been with for 8 years within the same night. So I moved to another state, got an apartment by myself, and am now single and divorced all by 26. Not really looking unless the right person comes along."
"It’s pretty happy and peaceful now that they’re both out of my life though honestly. You realize people’s toxicity and flaws the most once you get space away from them."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
But even those who don't practice an organized religion tend to believe that there is a Heaven, a happy joyful place where our souls will remain for eternity.
No two people share the same idea of what heaven would be like, but everyone who believes in it probably has an idea of the first thing they'd do after entering the pearly gates.
Redditor WeDidItGuyz was curious to hear what would be top on everyone's list upon entering the afterlife, leading them to ask:
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"Probably cry for about 30 minutes because the biggest existential fear at the very core my humanity has now been lifted."
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"We arranged for a race but he was shot multiple times and bound to a wheelchair until he passed a few years ago."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But living with the idea that something wonderful awaits when our time has come is all people need to continue to live their lives to the fullest, and treat others with the respect and kindness they deserve.
"Fun facts" generally refers to a tidbit of information about a specific topic which the general public might not have otherwise known about.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
Redditor Alternative_kachocho was curious to hear some "fun facts" which were anything but fun, leading them to ask:
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Speaking from personal experience here, but your body can randomly decide to become allergic to damn near everything edible at any time."
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
"In some regions of Australia, 90 percent of koalas have chlamydia, which poses a threat to the species' extinction unless a vaccine is created or widespread koala culling takes place."- tiffanyjcrusekoalas kiss GIFGiphy
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"The giant tortoise was so delicious, it caused not only itself to be hunted to extinction, but also the dodo."
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Also, it was the perfect food for sailors at the time, as their bladders stored 1 litre of purified water, and they could survive without food in hibernation for almost a whole year in the hull of a ship."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"It was so delicious, they went unrecorded for a long time because expeditions to bring living samples of wildlife to Europe kept eating them on the way."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
"HOWEVER, one day, someone discovered if you cooked dodo meat in the more delicious tortoise fat, it tasted just like chicken."
"So now, sailors were hunting a few tortoises at a time for their fat and water, storing them, and then hunting dodos on the daily."
"Overhunting, plus the introduction of rats to the environment (because sailors) which would eat eggs, led go the population to decline at a rate they could not breed to keep up, leading to both animals going extinct."- Kyhan
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
"The person who had the first facial transplant had her face chewed up by her Labrador dog while asleep due to sleeping pill overdose." - User Deleted
It's hard not to read some of these "fun facts" and wonder if there should be an alternative term for the facts which aren't fun.
Oh yeah, probably not....