Breaks aren't meant to be comedy fodder.

But if you don't laugh you'd only be crying.

I've never thought of throwing in a little wit when dumping someone.

Maybe it would've eased the pain.

Or gotten me punched in the face.

Again.

Let's hear some relationship humor for the bitter end.


Redditor Jamicandude69 wanted to hear all the creative one liners people have used to drop someone.

So they asked:

"IF people used 'break up lines' instead of 'pick up lines' what would some of them be??"

I've only broken up or been broken up with the old fashioned way.

Cherish

madonna cherish GIFGiphy

"I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you."

REDDIT

"That is so good. Wish I would have thought to say that as a parting line to my ex-wife!"

Grace_Upon_Me

"Hahahahaha haha this is cold!"

REDDIT

L...

"If you take the 'L' out of LOVER. It's OVER."

hex_the_nitezombii

"Gotta hold up the thumb and forefinger 'L' as this is said, of course."

bilgerat78

"You droppin' Ls."

AngelsAteMyBaby

Slow Down

"Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend. Not so fast."

REDDIT

"A private was at boot camp when his father died. The mother asked the drill sergeant to let him know. So he had all the privates line up, and said, take a step forward if you have a dad. When the boy stepped forward the drill sergeant said, 'What are you doing stepping forward private, your father’s dead.'"

Woodworker2020

Together

"We need to cover more ground so we should split up."

HyperNathan

"Shaggy, you and Scooby check the basement, Velma check the library, Daphne and I will check the bedrooms."

Azza2404

"NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY!"

fullmetalmcfly

Burn

Season 5 Wow GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy

"I checked my heart and it seems to be pretty broken down and my love for you is pretty empty so I’ll go investigate my thoughts."

drater29

"Genuis."

yummypuddin

The gym destroys everything.

Stay home...

Pumping Iron Sport GIF by Joko GIFsGiphy

"Hey babe, I think it's about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore."

spongej0e

"Damn, I left my ex after a fight involving me taking her off my gym membership. I should have used this."

luminousfractal

Weak

"A boyfriend when I was 14 and I agreed if we ever broke up we would text the other 'I break up with you.' He broke up with me and didn't use the line. Weak. I loved him more than he loved me and it was too much for him. We stayed friends for years after until he got another girlfriend and she didn't like me and told him we had to stop talking, 10 years later they're still together and we haven't spoken since."

restore_md

The Diet

"Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet."

Bladepuppet

"Girl, you look like a piece of lettuce and I'm going off my diet."

herbys

"This reminds me of some meme I saw years ago that said 'Your pants say yoga but your butt says McDonalds.'"

intensely_human

Goodbye

"You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years."

Victim_of_Conscience

"Sometimes goodbye is a second chance."

Casual_Reddit65

"So a long distance relationship? I don’t know. I’m just not ready for that level of commet-ment right now."

REDDIT

Drifting

"Are we tectonic plates? Because we’re drifting apart."

comrade_batman

"The use of tectonic plates could also be used as the pick up line for the same person. For example..."

"Are you a tectonic plate? Cause I'd love to to ram into you with force resulting in tremendous friction and heat."

REDDIT

"They say opposites attract, but you’re just too negative for me."

redgamesftw

Let Go

true love cry GIFGiphy

"Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down."

ExistentialBob

Empty Pockets

"Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke."

Zedfourkay

"That wouldn’t be good for me I would owe her $25k in debt if the relationship was like my financial status."

Mickey0110

That Girl

"I knew this girl in middle school who would break up with boys by saying: roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you."

ledge-14

"When I was in middle school I told a boy I was dumping him. He confidently yelled 'You can't dump me, I'm not garbage!' Respect. Allan was, and probably is, a very awesome dude. Sorry I dumped you in middle school."

DrSandwich2890

Wow... people are ruthless when a relationship ends. Just say goodbye.

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