For those looking to live within a Homeowner's Association's jurisdiction – whether it's a house in a community, or a unit in a condominium – specific rules imposed by the HOA can be downright ridiculous.
Potential buyers who become aware of demanding HOA rules like maintaining manicured lawns "twice a week" can easily elicit a hard "no" response.
Basically, if the neighborhood you're considering to live in looks like Wisteria Lane from Desperate Housewives, do a 180. Otherwise, you'll have your work cut out for you.
Curious to hear from homeowners on the internet, Redditor imback91 asked:
These Redditors complained of strict rules that may have been temporary inconveniences.
But perhaps the biggest grievance applied towards an unsympathetic HOA president.
"House in the neighborhood caught fire. Luckily everyone was okay (they had small children), but the fire burnt a hole in the side of the house."
"While waiting for it to be repaired, the family covered the hole with a blue tarp to prevent rain from getting in and causing more damage."
"HOA fined them because the tarp was an 'eyesore.'"
"The president of our HOA came to wish me well when both of my parents died (I lived with them, I was 18). Literally the next day he sent me a fine for forgetting to bring the trash cans in. I drew a middle finger on the paper and sent it back to them and then proceeded to park my car on the lawn until I was able to sell the house. Never did pay that fine or the fines they sent me for having cars on the lawn lol. I know I'm petty."
That's Just Garbagedrag race no GIF by Robert E Blackmon Giphy
"My old boss lived in an HOA that demanded that trash cans couldn't be at the curb for more than THREE HOURS before or after trash collection. She got fined all the time because she was working during those hours and would have to bring it in late."
Some rules have no rhyme or reason for existing. Like fining people if they don't mow their lawns TWICE A WEEK or for not mowing lawns THAT DON'T EXIST.
Must be HOA presidents who are hungry with power.
"When we were looking for a house, I was pretty against homes in HOAs, but I'd still look and wanted the bylaws available so I could see if they were something I could live with if I really liked the house. Like our last house we rented was in an hoa and the rules were basically 'keep the grass decently mowed, don't park cars or campers anywhere not paved, animals outside of a fenced area need to be on a leash. Thanks!' So yeah, normal things."
"We found a home we really really liked, but the hoa rules were absurd. Like you had to mow the yard 2x a week between the months of April-October but no mowing after 5pm (because noise) trash can't be taken out before 8am and must be back in the garage by 10 am on wednesdays, no food smokers without prior approval, all grills must be gas and have approval, no cars in driveways longer than 15 minutes" it was insane. No thank you."
Christmas Has A Cut-Off
"My parents HOA is stupid strict. Can't have any holiday decorations up past the first week of Jan. My mom pulled a Clark Griswold and broke her ankle falling off a ladder putting up decorations before the holidays so a wreath was left on the front door longer than allowed. They got a letter with a picture and a threat of fine."
"A few summers later they and some of their neighbors decided to stick it to the man. They got a flock of plastic lawn flamingos and planted them in one of their yards. Whenever the HOA would send a letter the flock migrated to another yard. Kept it up for about a month and a half."
Mowing Without A Lawn
"The first month in our townhouse, we got a notice that we had not mowed our lawn and were in danger of being fined. We didn't have a lawn. The entire yard was covered in topsoil, seed, and straw. The 'lawn' turned out to be a single weed that was growing up in the shade of a bay window."
"I didn't pull it. I tied it to a stake and told them it was our garden."
"Can't take a walk after 8PM."
"People's dogs bark and apparently this is others' fault for walking outside..."
These HOA community rules for maintaining a sense of uniformity were scoffed at as they were created to benefit HOA presidents.
The Second CoatGiphy
"We have to get HOA permission to repaint the house the same color it already is."
"The fences on your property must all be the same color, and match the adjoining fences of the neighbors property. The community was planned single-family houses with fences between houses. Looking from the street it went House-fence-house-fence-house-.... I was in the middle of the row and had a shared fence with both neighbors, that each had their own color. I got a violation notice the same week I moved."
"If I painted my fences to match each other, at least one of my neighbors wouldn't have matched theirs on the other side. This would have sent a cascade of violations down the street."
Keeping Up With Appearances
"Not allowed to park pick up trucks in the drive way with two exceptions: the Cadillac EXT and the Lincoln Blackwood. These were described as luxury vehicles. The HOA president also drove an EXT so he basically exempted himself from the rules."
Some Shady Business
"Everyone in my neighborhood was fined for having 'dirty roofs.' Seriously, they claimed that everyones roofs were dirty and made the neighborhood look bad. It's not like they were covered in mold or anything, hell idk how a roof is even dirty but 268 of the 284 houses in my neighborhood were fined $75 for it. We found out later that the HOA president started a power washing business and likely just wanted to drum up some business. He was impeached because of it and none of us even paid the fines."
"Edit: I've replied in the comments with this a few times but it should be noted; power washing asphalt shingles will ruin them. It's strips them bare and you'd have to replace them as a result. The HOA presidents son conveniently owned a roofing company, which was 1 of the 2 that were approved by the HOA to work in the neighborhood. So after he would have ruined your roof and made money from that, you'd have to hire his son to replace your roof."
Why can't HOA's just stick to what's important? They act like members of Congress, don't they? There are far more pressing matters but you want to focus on the trivial. SMH!
I remember a story about an HOA that told a resident he was not allowed to have a pickup truck because of the ban on "work vehicles" in the bylaws. There was no contractor or business sign on it, the truck was a personal vehicle. The HOA wouldn't budge. He went out and bought an old station wagon that he painted camouflage and stuck a picture in the back window of his brand new shiny pickup truck with a sign that said, "The HOA will allow me to have this car, but not this truck in my driveway." The bylaws were amended shortly to allow non-commercial pickup trucks.
Go Away?Go Away Reaction GIF by MOODMAN Giphy
Not allowed to put a welcome mat at my front door.
Hush little baby...
Friend of mine lived in a building that didn't allow vacuuming between the hours of 1-3pm; the time of the HOA president's child's nap time.
Here's your fine for vacuuming.
I wasn't vacuuming,
Yes you were I have a recording of it.
I assure you I was no vacuuming, I was at work all day, and I live alone.
Then why did I hear a vacuum going inside your apartment
I set up a 2 hour long track of vacuum sounds to play automatically from 1pm to 3pm. They say music is good for plant growth, and my cactus hasn't done much recently so I though maybe it liked vacuums, have a good evening.
I Love Flowers
We have a landscaping committee. If you want to plant flowers, they must be approved by the committee before you plant them.
I have this rule as well.
When I moved in I noticed a bare spot in the landscaping facing my house. I was wondering what to put there and when I met my neighbour next to me I asked about what we were allowed to put there.
"Oh, nothing.... you're not allowed to add anything to the landscaping."
"Can... I put a potted tree or something there?"
"No. If you're really torn up about it though, you can e-mail the strata."
"Oh, do you have their e-mail?"
"It's mine. Here."
This is stupid for how we were asked to handle it....
HOA covenant says trash cans can't be visible from street. We keep ours at the side of the house like half the neighborhood. You can only see them if you follow the outer edge of the cul-de-sac and are really trying to look for them. And of course that traffic is minimal since it is a cul-de-sac.
Management company told us put them in garage or behind house. I opted for behind the house where the entire freaking neighborhood can see since we back up to the main road into and out of the neighborhood.
So many colors...
My parents moved into an HOA a few years ago. I lived with them temporarily. One day, someone from the HOA went around to every house with a color palette of shades of white that were acceptable for mailboxes to be painted in. If the white paint on a mailbox didn't exactly match one of the shades of white on their color palette, the mailbox had to be repainted, at the expense of the homeowner. My parents had to repaint their white mailbox so its shade of white was acceptable.
I prefer Red...Shiba Inu Bounce GIF Giphy
In my neighborhood, we are not allowed to have blue trampoline covers. They must be green or black.
Not my HOA, but when we were condo-hunting we looked at one community that had a change log for their house rules. They'd been amended from no pets to allowing one cat per unit, and then two weeks later back to no pets. What did that cat do?
Not Without my Camper!
My parents live in an HOA neighborhood. It didn't have a ton of rules or restrictions so they moved in. One of their main rules is you can't have a camper visible from the street.
In the county they live in you can't have a camper parked in front of the house (basically the front door is considered the front of the house). They knew this going into the house so first month they had poured a drive way addition that ran to the side of their house and into the back yard.
Their house is at the end of the street so you can only see this camper I'd you walk into their side yard.
One HOA sent my dad a pic that someone took standing in his yard. He copied the county's trespassing laws and gun defense laws to a letter and forward it to the HOA.
He hasn't heard from them since then.
Isn't a neighborhood supposed to be welcoming? That is the whole point of community no? I feel like an HOA should be a band of merry peeps trying to keep the neighborhood happy for all. Who twisted the meaning?
Battle of the Pigeons
Not necessarily a rule, but my HOA has been having a never ending battle with pigeons since I bought my condo 5 years ago. Their latest plan was to leave trays of poison seeds all over the complex (on the ground, no less). This resulted in a pigeon corpses appearing all over the complex with no noticeable decrease in the amount of pigeons hanging around. After a huge storm blew the trays over, it also resulted in everyone being afraid to walk their dogs for fear of ingesting poison. A+ work HOA.
Edit- INFO- This post inspired me to go back through my HOA emails to refresh myself on the situation. The poison was put out by a pest company. I did some research on the matter out of curiosity. Apparently in Arizona, pigeons are not protected & it is legal to kill them, but use of poison is highly discouraged due to our large protected birds program.
"Hedge" your bets...
I have hedges in the front yard. There's dirt under them because you know, plants grow from dirt. HOA comes by and says we absolutely can't have any exposed dirt, including under the shrubs. I didn't even know what I was supposed to do about that?? I just poured mulch over the dirt under the shrubs. They haven't said anything so I think that was the right thing to do. It definitely looks worse than just the plain dirt.
Wildest thing is that it was just the dirt under the shrubs for a literal decade.
In the Dark
At my parent's house growing up, you weren't allowed to have the garage door open and illuminated after dark for 1) aesthetics and 2) bears. We got cited because we were packing for a camping trip, bringing things from the garage to the car in the driveway. When we pointed out how dumb that was, they said we could have done it without violating the agreement if we'd loaded the car in the dark.
You can't leave your trash cans anywhere visible unless it's trash day. For reasons too difficult to explain, it's almost impossible to get the cans in the back yard, so we had them at the side of the house (in the shade, practically invisible unless you were standing in our driveway). Fast forward to a letter from the HOA reminding us of that rule and helpfully including a photo of our cans.
My dad's/stepmom's condo association told them they had to get rid of a potted plant on their front porch because it clashed with their front door. Their WHITE front door. No colors clash with white!
Window washers hired by homeowners must be chosen from an approved list of window-cleaning businesses by the HOA.
I SpyBinoculars Watching GIF by Originals Giphy
We are only allowed to have chained link fences. No wooden or any other fencing. I'm sorry, but I want some privacy in my back yard. Our houses are so close together I can see everything the neighbors around me are doing.
Edit: so I just checked hedges are ok. No mention of slats in the fences. Our bylaws are kinda vague.
The Welcome Note
I recently started renting a house in an HOA community. One of the first pieces of mail I received was from the HOA telling me that my fence had not been approved by the board and the house is in violation of the HOA rules. That was a fun note to get in the first week after uprooting and moving across the country with no money.
Worse than the Cops
I actually live in a condo now with a pretty chill HOA... the worst place was actually when I lived in an apartment in a town that didn't allow overnight parking. I had to park like 1/4 mile away in a municipal lot but had to have the car moved by 830am. Overnight guests had to be reported to the police so they didn't get ticketed.
When I busted my knee and was on crutches, I had to get a letter from my doctor faxed to the police dept in order to get special permission to park on the street near my place overnight.
After having to play "may I have an overnight guest" with the police, an HOA would have to be really nasty to be worse than that.
When my parents bought the house I grew up in during the early 90's, they got a letter in the mail saying that they hadn't paid their dues for the HOA. They took the letter into the office and asked what fees they were referring to.
The office lady was really rude and pulled out a piece of paper saying that my parents had signed a contract and they were legally obligated to pay their monthly dues and follow the rules blah blah Karen Karen blah.
Well, when my parents looked at the sheet they supposedly signed, it wasn't their signatures. Their names, not their signatures.
Someone at the HOA had forged the paperwork, presumably bc they'd forgotten to get it signed. Needless to say, the contract was void and my parents refused to sign a new one. They were one of about 5 houses that they'd done this to in the neighborhood, one of which was our nextdoor neighbors. About 3 houses to this day still don't have signed contracts including theirs, and they get to do whatever the hell they want with their house, to the immense frustration of the HOA.
""Find a Hobby"
Some people really need lives. I can totally understand noise issues, ugly horticulture, or bad behavior issues. But people are already paying a ton of money for the house and the land, so why do you need to pinpoint every little personal thing? Are these people's lives that dull or empty?
The HOA I'm in currently is controlled 100% by the building company that developed the neighborhood. That control moves to elections once 100% of the plots are developed within the development for residential purposes. The literal last plot currently has a nice looking storage garage for landscaping equipment for the communal areas that the builder maintains. They've maintained control of the HOA for the last ten years.
They don't pester anyone. The only rules for appearances are that the property must comply with state/county/town codes for appearance, building, and fire code.
Attractionpaula abdul 90s GIF Giphy
My Friend lives in a neighborhood with an HOA and it doesn't let you paint your room any colors except white or light grey, because it can "attract attention" if seen through a window.
Never Before 7
Can't be parked in the same reserved parking space for more than 72 hours. Kinda F'ed up they enforce that during a pandemic.
Can't park your vehicle with the front or rear bumper sticking over the curb.
Pick up trucks have to have a bed covering.
No kids toys, including bikes and scooters can be left outside when not being used.... got a fine for that one when my daughter took a break to eat lunch.
Can't have interior lights on past 10pm without have curtains closed.
Trash has to be put out behind your car after 9pm the night before it's picked up. It doesn't get picked up until around 7am. No fun when you have to leave before 7. No guidance on where to put it if you don't have a car or have to leave before 7. When asked, they tell me to just take it to the dump myself if I can't follow the rules.
A Rigged Election
Dumbest rule in ours is when they pass something it only requires the majority of people who voted to pass it but to stop it from passing you need a majority of the entire neighborhood.
So 50 ppl vote and 26 vote for it and it passes but if 26 vote against it, it doesn't count because you need 51% of the 2600 houses in the neighborhood to vote against it.
They up everyone's HOA bill if they need to replace a tree or some bushes, well one time our HOA bill was in the 7,000 because they had a tree break one of its limbs, fast forward a few weeks there are about 20 new small trees and the playground got remodeled.
I didn't even know about this rule until I sold my townhouse but the HOA had a stipulation that only certain loans could be used to purchase a townhouse. This excluded first time home buyer loans. That stupid rule cost me $8,000.
They had a stipulation that you had to use their financing or pay a $1500 fee if you used your own financing. I worked for a mortgage company and asked about this clause and was told it was illegal to penalize someone for using their own financing.
Fill the Gaps
Garage doors have to be closed all the way when closed with no gaps. The dumb part is that this rule was added because of me. I used to drive a tow truck and was often on call at night. There was already a rule that commercial vehicles couldn't be parked in the driveway or on the street, okay, fair enough, I'll park it in the garage. It wouldn't quite fit with the boom, so I'd lower the forks down and close the garage door on them. It wasn't too much longer after that everybody got a notice of the rule change and I had to park about a mile away after that.
The really dumb part is that when I confronted one of the board members about it, she claimed that had always been the rule and I knew about it when I moved in. Stuck to her story even when I showed her the letter of the rule change. Eventually, everyone got sick of that kind of crap and elected a new board, but I'd already quit that job so it was a pyrrhic victory at best.
Keep it Baredirecting homer simpson GIF Giphy
No car covers and no basketball hoops... Apparently, these are distracting to drivers. And nothing else distracts drivers going 20 mph, but it was very important to eliminate these very basic distractions.
The HOA representatives police like it's their job or something. Freaking damn losers, get a real hobby.
Into the Wastelands
Not me, but my parents--
- No BBQing between 4-7PM.
- First-floor curtain must be neutral colors
- Garage door can only be held open for more than 20 mins at a time unless you have permission (usually only granted if you are doing work around the house).
I would rather die than live in one of these wastelands. Just full of people who are mind numbing bored so they entertain themselves with petit-facism.
"Understanding & Consequences"
I feel like the only way to truly understand an HOA is to join and try and destroy it from within. Infiltration maybe the only key to change. Because some of these places are being run like a communist nation. And we all know how that usually turns out.
The existence of an HOA was enough to cause my wife and I to pass on buying what would otherwise have been our dream house.
That was at the top of our "absolutely won't live with" list when my husband and I were shopping for our home. We found a dream home, and as soon as we saw the area, my husband literally said, "This will have an HOA for sure." The first thing our realtor said when we met her at the front door was, "There's no HOA here." We bought that house for that and many other reasons.
but it's our heritage...
We got fined every time we were putting out Indian decorations for every celebration. Diwali lamps (tea lights in clay pots) outside our front door were a "fire hazard", chalk and powder driveway decorations that wash away with rain were an "eyesore" (but kids could draw hopscotch blocks), flower garlands during harvest season violated the gardening rules.... but people could put up whatever decorations (including garlands) they wanted for Christmas, Easter and Halloween.
get your own waiver...
I'm not in one currently, but I was looking at moving into a park with HOA fees earlier this year. No dogs. 1 cat okay, but required a waiver. WTF? You need a waiver for an inside cat? It's a neat way to make you buy a house but still feel like you're under a landlord's eye. Why not ask that if you have an aquarium you can only stock freshwater fish, only two of them, and you need a waiver for a castle.
Are you just bored?
My old condo had a rule that forced you to keep your recycling and trash bins against your house in the middle of your carport. This took up space meant for the length of your car/truck. Because of this rule, my extended cab tacoma stuck out into the street, leading to complaints about it sticking out in the street. The 80 year old busy body HOA lady told me I had to park the truck in the adjacent lot, not in my carport. I refused, since my tools would be stolen, then moved my bins into my walled in back patio, and parked my GD truck properly in my carport. Morons.
by the bladesurreal grass GIF by Mina Mir Giphy
My grandparents once told me someone from the HOA came around one time to measure their grass with a ruler to see if it was over the allowed length.
No 2 Wheels
Just bought a townhouse.
First thing I noticed in the rules (written in 1974) was "no motorcycles" but I bought one anyway and haven't heard anything yet so hopefully they realize how dumb and outdated that is.
There is a singular guy who runs the HOA. He doesn't get payed or anything, he just runs it because he's a power hungry moron. There is no legislature, he has complete power to enforce any policies he wants uncontested.
Right now, he's trying to fly drones through a private company to "map" out the neighborhood, even though it's 2021 and everyone has access to google maps. He's been hesitant though, because the residents have told him that if he flies drones through the neighborhood, they will be shot down regardless of légal repercussions.
I can't stand the guys he's a slimy "man" on a power trip because in the real world he's a looser.
We are not allowed plants. It's a golf course but, really? My edgy neighbor planted some basil. So far, so good. We put up with possible fly balls going through our porch while drinking our coffee each morning, I think you could let us grow the occasional freaking tomato.
Reasons and Laws
There's a rule that you can only have a cat if you fill out this absurd amount of paperwork beforehand, and No Dogs. This was a whole big thing. Two months after we moved in the monthly HOA newsletter had an item in it stating that people who had service dogs were allowed to have them because of Reasons and Laws, &c., worded in the most cranky, passive-aggressive phrasing I've ever seen used in a professional setting. It was hilarious.
I joined my board in large part to clean up the rules. Right now, they allow "cars" and prohibit other vehicles including "trucks"
What's a car? What's a truck? Are we using EPA rules? A specific dictionary? Is a motorcycle a car? This is literally a law school fact pattern that my professor used to introduce interpreting ambiguous laws.
As far as I can tell, the rule has never been enforced, so after 50 years it's probably waived out of any legal force, but if that's the case, why have it at all?
Same goes for the many references to faxing. I'm 95% sure no one has faxed the HOA anything lately. The rules are pure legalese, which I'm fine with as a lawyer, but most of our residents aren't lawyers, so they shouldn't have to parse through 50 pages of not-even-good legalese to figure out whether they can park an SUV in the HOA.
All for $66?
Not a rule, but still an HOA story. So, I bought my townhouse in July and read my closing paperwork very closely. It said there were no overdue payments to the HOA, but there are 2 $66 payments due in July and November. No problem, I pay them but start to wonder why this isn't just part of the monthly dues. So, Christmas comes around and I check my bank account. I'm missing $66 and my HOA took out my normal dues plus that much. I call them the following Monday and ask what the heck is going on.
They say "the previous owner didn't make his $66 payment in March, so you have to pay it." I say "no, I do not. That should have been disclosed in the closing paperwork. Any payments he didn't make at this point are between you and him. I've made all of my payments for this year, so what you're doing is theft. You're going to give me that $66 back or you'll be hearing from my attorney." I got that money back 3 days later.
More than one thing...
It's not so much one single rule. It's bending their interpretation of the rules to whatever they want and selectively choosing facts to back it up. And then fining you for taking too long when literally half the time is spent waiting for them to respond.
Bought an older home in an older sub. Builder came in and built new homes around the older homes. A bother but oh well. Then he tried to enforce rules from the newer sub on the older sub. That was not well received at all and we refused to "join." His HOA enforced "no sheds." Many of us in the old section have sheds. One of his houses caught fire in the garage and went up quickly. Fire department said it was because the family had no shed and gasoline, mower etc. were a safety hazard in the garage.
Be Original...Gay Hearts GIF Giphy
My gf parks in the garage and I park in the driveway. I was getting quotes to get a little roof to go over my driveway to protect my car from our crazy weather.
Block charter states that the house cannot be modified from its ORIGINAL design that was built in 1986 to include a roof extension either permanent or temporary. We get a severe hailstorm at least once every 2-3 years that causes billions in damage to homes and vehicles. But FORGET THAT we gotta make sure all our houses look similar.
Many HOA guidelines are cosmetic-oriented with the aim of preserving the cleanliness and uniformity of the association's zone.
As you can see, many of these strict HOA guidelines were out of personal interests for the HOA enforcers.
But hopefully, in exchange for paying HOA fees, residences are provided with killer amenities – not limited to tennis courts.
Unless residences are required to mow those as well.
There are few conspiracy theories that annoy me lately as much as the QAnon conspiracy theory. Other than it posing a grave threat to our democracy, I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would take any of it as gospel. It's also remarkably easy to debunk––I'm still waiting for "the Storm" amid the ever-changing goalposts, by the way.
Turns out there are quite a few other conspiracies out there annoy the hell out of people, as we discovered once Redditor Sonic-the-edge-dog asked the online community,
"What's a conspiracy theory that annoys you due to how easily disprovable it is?"
"Some dude I know..."
"Some dude I know swears nuclear weapons and related tech is all a lie. The Manhattan Project was just for show. We never nuked Hiroshima or Nagasaki (or any other test site afterward). Those cities were conventionally bombed and we made up the story afterward. I can't even begin to address the number of people required to keep that secret is...unbelievable. not to mention that okay the weapons are fake but then how are we generating power from all of those power plants? That's all fake too?"
"My friend really, truly believes..."
"My friend really, truly believes that space is not real, that we are just living under a giant screen and Earth is an enclosed experiment being run by someone."
Sounds like The Truman Show, if you ask me. Did you know that there's a type of delusion named after the film? The more you know.
"It has been known to be a sphere..."
"Flat earth. It has been known to be a sphere for thousands of years. Newton calculated that it is wider at the equator without leaving his house.
Why would the Earth be flat if other celestial bodies are not? What do they think NASA or whoever has to gain from lying to us?"
Remember: The Flat Earth movement has followers all around the globe.
"Being annoyed by that..."
"The Holocaust being fake. Being annoyed by that is putting it lightly."
That 5G caused the coronavirus.
I thought 5G was supposed to turn everyone gay? Are we past that now?
"Everybody who barely looks into this..."
"Vaccines cause autism.
Andrew Wakefield published fraudulent data. His medical license has been revoked. Everybody who barely looks into this can find that he's a liar who told a lie that ruined his professional life."
Andrew Wakefield trolled us all and to think that there are people out there still quoting his "work" is a big reason why there are so many out there who are dying from completely preventable diseases.
"Why would Bill Gates..."
"That vaccines are for putting nanotech chips into people for easier tracking...
Why would Bill Gates need to mass-produce some of the most advanced tech in the world to track you when he can already do that through your phone?"
"Someone making this argument..."
""Jet fuel can't melt steel beams." Someone making this argument literally supplied me with the article on eutectic combinations that explained how it worked, but the person supplying the article never read past the first paragraph and thought it meant the opposite of what it was saying."
People never seem to read past the headline––it's so aggravating.
"You know you could have just simplified..."
"That Jewish space lasers are responsible for California wildfires.
You know you could have just simplified the conspiracy to "Jews lit American forests on fire."
Oh, yeah, and this person is in the Congress of the United States."
Yeah... she's really something, isn't she?
"We brought back..."
"What gets me are people who say THE moon landing was faked. We went back FIVE MORE TIMES. It wasn't just the one time. We brought back a bunch of s*** and left a bunch of s*** up there. If it was fake do you think all of the dudes that went up there and that the thousands of people who worked on the project would have been able to keep silent about it?!"
These conspiracy theories must be profitable. But remember when they were seemingly harmless? Didn't people believe Avril Lavigne had a clone or something at some point? Those were the days.
Have some conspiracy theories that annoy you? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
The gift of hearing is an awesome thing. So many of us have the luxury to take it for granted.
How many 'first' sounds do we hear regularly that barely register for memory?
For those of us who are given sound after never having it or losing it and regaining it, have an appreciation most of us will never understand.
They embrace sound with such thankfulness and clarity. They can also tell you when hearing disappoints.
After all they have a build up of imagination in mind.
Redditor u/XxXNoobMaster69XxXx was hoping the formerly hearing impaired would sound off a bit by asking:
Ex-deaf people of reddit, what was the most underwhelming sound, respective to your expectations?
I'm used to being disappointed about a lot in life. I've given up on looking forward to much. This way anticipation doesn't trip me up. But I've never been let down by sound. Music can be underwhelming sure, but that's usually due to the lack of creativity. So this should be fascinating.
Too Loud!All That Nicksplat GIF by NickRewindGiphy
"I was home alone after having my cochlear implant turned on for the first time and I nearly peed my pants when the refrigerator started making ice. Also discovered that my cat purrs very loudly."
"Some dude in an old thread surprised clouds colliding didn't make noise."
"DUDE THAT WOULD BE SO DOPE just like HUUUUGE distant, near peaceful thuds of clouds hitting each other, like a low rumbling in the ground you can feel with the same bassy noise of a far off explosion. God, I've been hearing everything all my life and now I'm sad clouds don't make noise. It would help people realize how large and heavy clouds are, too."
Sounds along the way...
"I've worn HA all my life though until around 2010 they had always been analog so not very good at picking up little sounds. I was being fitted for my first pair of digital HA and kept hearing this odd noise even asking my audiologist what's that noise? Turned out it was me moving my feet on the carpet. I'd never heard that shifting around sound before."
"Got newer and even better ones a couple of weeks ago and holy cow I now hear all sorts of noises I've never heard. Technology can be a wonderful thing."
"Also, remembered another sound - the bubbles popping in a soda/coke. Never had heard those little fizz/pops before."
"When my uncle got cochlear implants, he spent the whole next day wondering what this constant, obnoxious, 'ugly' noise was. After hours of searching, found out it was the clock ticking. He questioned why the hell it needs to make noise. I suppose without having it tuned out, it would be pretty annoying."
"On a happier note, when he first got them in, he cried with happiness when he realized his brother sounded different than the nurse."
Several ItemsListen GIF by The Maury ShowGiphy
"My friend was deaf and he said the most underwhelming things were opening something carbonated, and a dog bark and the most surprising things was lights not making noise and for some reason trees not making noise?"
Sirens can try anybody's last nerve. I know they are necessary but Lord can they be brutal. I think I would be more surprised if sounds didn't match. I'm genuinely surprised when people's voices are higher or lower than what I thought they'd be. Let's hear some more.
The Sizzleshaking still life GIF by jjjjjohnGiphy
"My sister refused to get hearing aids for the longest time. She finally got some and she said the first thing she noticed was like a weird popping sizzling sound. It was the carbonation in her soda."
"When I got my hearing aids, I remember sitting in my room and think it was pouring down outside. Went to have a look, dry af. Turns out it was the sound of my clothes moving against each other. So overwhelming. Now, the silence is more anxiety inducing, because I know that there's so many things around me that are happening and I don't know about them."
'oh, I wanted you to sound better'
"I have a friend who was born deaf and had cochlear implants put in when he was a baby. I don't fully understand it all, but I do know he couldn't hear pitch, even with the implants. To him girl and boy voices all sounded roughly the same and he couldn't listen to music because it all sounded the same."
"A few years back he got his implants upgraded or replaced, like I said I don't really understand it. Anyway, he was suddenly able to hear pitch. He said the single scariest thing was emergency vehicle sirens."
"He'd never heard the proper noise before, so assumed it was just a kind of monotonous whine they made. He was absolutely terrified when an ambulance turned on its siren next to us. Suddenly he could hear the wailing all these emergency vehicles made. He said he found the wails to be very eerie at night."
"Also, when he first heard my proper voice he said 'oh, I wanted you to sound better'. Ouch."
Where to Begin?
"I got a BAHA (bone adhered hearing aid) implant this February. I'm 29F, moderately hearing-impaired for the past 15 years."
"I'm still surprised by:
- clothing rustling
- my own footsteps
- my stomach making quiet gurgling sounds
- the sound when I scratch an itch
- squirrels running across the roof 😊
- picking out individual instruments in a song"
"I hate that I now hear:
- chewing and eating sounds
- farts (I used to only hear the loud ones!)
- peeing is SO LOUD
- background TV noises in businesses — used to just be white noise for me, now that I can parse speech it's super distracting
- random neighborhood sounds, e.g. children yelling, dogs barking, weed whackers, etc.
...and the sound quality of music is kinda meh via my implant. Still 50000x worth it."
At 31...halloween monster GIFGiphy
"I got hearing aids at 31. The sound of the refrigerator surprised me. I'm an engineer by trade and was trying to figure out why it made such a terrible noise thinking it must be broken."
In the end, it's a great thing that everyone on this list can finally hear. Not that there is anything wrong with people who can't. I'm going to try and be more cognizant and grateful.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Schools are like their own little universes. A whole mini-society, complete with its own specific rules and customs, some of which make absolutely no sense whatsoever. You can't help but wonder what the faculty was thinking in some of these cases, or why no one stopped to think about why they were so weird.
While schools are a place of learning, they can also be places of absolute stupidity.
What's the dumbest rule your school ever enforced?
It really makes you stop and think, what event led to these weird rules being put into place?
"My school had 3 staircases along a very long corridor. We were banned from using the middle staircase because it got overcrowded. The ban was lifted once they realised it only made the other two staircases just as crowded."
"This road has too much traffic. We should close it."
How did they get to be principal?late school GIFGiphy
"The new Principal made a "morning round-up" rule where anyone arriving to class after the last bell had to go to the cafeteria and listen to a lecture about not being late for class. This took about an extra 15 minutes, making the students even more late to class than they would have otherwise been. Needless to say, everyone hated it, even the teachers. That principal didn't last long..."
"Lmao this sounds similar to a rule at my high school. If you weren't in your 1st period class before O Canada played, you had to head to the cafeteria, miss class (yup cuz THAT's smart) and "sit in silence". The first day it went into practice, I walked in just as the principal was telling everyone over the PA to stand up for the national anthem, so technically O Canada hadn't started yet. Regardless, my teacher said I was late and I had to head to the cafeteria AFTER the national anthem had finished playing (Again, I'm already in the class so what was the f*cking point?)."
"The cafe was FULL with other stragglers and the teachers on duty couldn't have given less of a sh!t. I sat with some friends who were also late and spent the entire time playing cards. The next day the rule was cancelled. Go figure."
No drinking water allowed.
"I was sent to the principal in elementary school for getting a drink of water out of line (as in we walked down the hall in a formation and we had designated water drinking stops). To this day I still remember the principal asking angrily well what if every one started getting water without permission? And I still don't have an answer."
Doesn’t the dean have better things to do?
"Toilet paper rationing. This was in 1997/98, btw. Apparently the high school girls room was going through too much toilet paper so the dean, a woman, stood outside the door and distributed a few squares of 1-ply institutional toilet paper to us as we went in. If she noticed toilet paper on the floor, our ration got cut down. If we asked for more for...bigger jobs...we were told to save it for home."
"There were several episodes of girls stuck in stalls until friends could beg for more TP because of period messes or unexpected bowel incidents. The dean wouldn't even hand it over--she would go in the bathroom and pass it a few squares at a time over the door. If you didn't catch it as it fell and it landed on the floor, well, that's your fault and you're not getting more. If you used more than she thought necessary, tough luck, go to class with blood/sh!t on your body."
"It took about a week of extremely angry parents coming to the school and calling both the school and the school board, but we finally got our toilet paper back, unlimited."
"How did we celebrate?"
"By TPing her car, of course."
It’s incredible how far some schools go to enforce the zero tolerance rule. It’s like they don’t fully understand what it means to be bullied.
A bit of the ol’ ultraviolence.stop it science fiction GIF by FilmStruckGiphy
"After 9/11, my school instituted a zero-tolerance policy on bullying and violence. What 9/11 had to do with bullying, I don't know. Anyways, Halloween 2001, I dressed up as the guy from Clockwork Orange. He carries a cane around."
"The principal pulled me aside, told me walking around with a cane could be a weapon, therefore just walking with it is an act of violence, and suspended me for a couple of days, telling me that after 9/11, "we don't mess around with that kind of stuff"."
Neither of these rules make and sense.
"That if you say/do anything back to your bully it becomes a mutual conflict and isn't bullying, so if they start calling you slurs and making you feel bad every day and you call them stupid once or twice the school probably won't help."
"Also dress code required school branded hoodies... they were 50 dollars. If you wore a non school hoodie you got in school suspension."
What kind of gang would that be?
"No beads. Apparently, they thought beaded jewelry was gang-related?"
"Nothing says hardened criminal like matching bead bracelets that say "BFFs <3" ."
And of course, we can’t forget the truly bizarre rules that were put into place by clueless adults.
This is just sad.Bored Fun GIFGiphy
"My school was in a poor area of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Not a lot of schools here have money for anything. Because of a huge donation of books at the time I was in school, my school got an absurd number of books, including expensive ones."
"There were a few dumb rules, but the dumbest of them all?"
"We basically couldn't touch the books in the library without permission. It might sound reasonable at first, but check this out."
"The library was huge, and there were lots of books, including contemporary classics, non-fiction like The Last Problem, English Literature like Infinite Jest, How to kill a Mockingbird and whatnot. Dude, there was so much there, that place was probably the most valuable place in the entire school."
"I mean, it was awesome, there were enough books there for each student to lend about 100 every day."
"Here's the problem, the library went all but untouched for the entirety of my time there. Why? The amount of work it took to read one of those books was ridiculous and pretty much made sure not a single student bothered to try."
"First, you couldn't take any of the books home, period. Forget the fact that they had your address and all your parents info, so in the case that someone took it and didn't return it, they could just get it back - it had happened before at least once before the rule was made."
"Second, you couldn't leave the library with them, no matter what."
"Third, if you wanted to read the book, you'd have to do it in the library at the lunch break, which was about 45 minutes, so unless you weren't hungry ever, you had only a few minutes to go to the library. It was only open for a few hours around the break and not at all at any other time, so unless you stayed there for hours until the break for the afternoon classes, you just wouldn't have another chance. (Those hours around the break could be used for you to be tutored by a teacher, which almost never happened)"
"Fourth, once you went through all of that, you could only read the book under the observation of the people that volunteered to work in the library for credit, which was never more than two or three people, sometimes no one. Which means that if you got there and there were already three people there, forget it. Unless you were willing to read it standing up close to where the book was kept and even then they'd check on you every minute or so."
"Fifth, you couldn't get inside the library with a backpack, with food, in groups, speaking, without the appropriate uniform - you couldn't get in with the gym one, for instance -, with other books, earrings, necklaces or anything that could make noise while you were walking. Some were reasonable, but the issue was that one simple mistake and you would get banned."
"Sixth, any banishment from it was permanent. I complained about it once in the second year and was never allowed inside ever again. I even tried to get some teachers to help me, but it didn't work."
"Seventh, and probably the dumbest, only the students that had a certain amount of high grades could get any book at all. If you got something like 4/10 on your last biology exam, you couldn't even get inside the library. The standard was so insane, only six other students and I in my classroom had enough good grades to get books."
"In all my time there, the library was basically deserted for the majority of it. I tried to go there many times, but it was too much work. Out of all the books I only managed to read two Brazilian ones "A guerra do lanche" (The lunch war) and "Blecaute" (Blackout) which I remembered to this day in details. There were times where I legit thought about straight up ditching class to read some of them."
"I tried to get more, like The Last Problem, Kafka's Metamorphosis, Ulysses - which I know I wouldn't have been able to do it, but I was just curious -, A brief history of time, Withering Heights, etc."
"But the amount of work it took was so much that it was just almost impossible to be able to read more than one or two books a year, and even that took dedication, because I basically had to sacrifice part of my lunch time."
"The rumor was that the principals* - we had more than one - basically saw us as "savages" who would destroy the books if we were allowed to touch them and even though they had no reason to believe so - the library worked well without those restrictions a year before I had gotten there, with only minimal incidents and even those didn't result in the books getting destroyed."
The principal did WHAT?
"We were not allowed to have facial hair at all."
"Like to the point where the principal would walk around during lunch with razors and shaving cream and do "Stubble checks"."
"Absolutely ridiculous and he would send tons of us to the bathrooms to shave during lunch, no matter how small the stubble was."
"It wasn't really the rule that was dumb but the reason for it. In my last year of high school, the school issued a rule that all students had to wear student IDs. If you didn't, you had to immediately go and pay for another ID. While you can see how many students may have saw this a way to skip class, the reason for this was the school shootings that happened the previous year."
"The reasoning was that it would be easier to spot who is a student and who is not a student to then see who has malicious intent.....except that most shooters were students....so..."
It's safe to say that every single one of these rules were entirely unnecessary. Like, worse than the "two finger" rule when it came to wearing tank tops (to prevent girls from, god forbid, wearing spaghetti straps). These rules are completely absurd, and it makes you wonder how the adults in charge got their jobs in the first place.
To all the kids stuck in schools like this- stick it out, because I promise that the real world is nothing like this.
People lie. The tagline of the popular TV series House, MD, was "everybody lies." That includes my parents and yours, folks.
Sometimes parents lie to their children to protect them. Sometimes they lie because it's easier than telling the truth. But unfortunately, not all parents are good people. Some lie to manipulate their children, or hold control over them. And that story is way more common than any of us would like to think.
"What is the most ridiculous/f**ked up lie your parents told you?"
People had plenty of stories to go around.
I Hate You, You Hate Me
"My dad got fed up of watching Barney the dinosaur when I was a kid, and one day when I asked to watch it, he said:"
"'Because Barney died'"
"I never did watch Barney again."-b14nn
"Not too f**ked up, but ridiculous. When I was little, my mom told me if I didn't finish my dinner my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain."
"A few nights later I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain."-DragonStangFlyer122
The Waltzing (Away) Matilda
"My Dad told I had an older sister named Matilda, but she kept screaming in the car so he dropped her off at the side of the road and left her there."
"It didn't stop me screaming in the car until one day he actually stopped the car and told me to get out. He only drove 10m away but I never screamed in the car again."-AnoniemGebruiker
Some are to control our behavior as kids, but some persist into our adult lives.
A Little Respite
"Around the time Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti and he told us that he could press a button and go 'to infinity and beyond' to jump over other cars."
"He'd have us close our eyes and press the button and he'd speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. as a kid i was d u m b f o u n d e d and thought he was magic."
"It's actually a nice memory compared to the other ones on here lol."-nopenonotatall
Rooster Farts Needed
"We used to have a farm when I was a kid. My uncle gave me few hens he had and I told my dad that I want them to have baby chicks and sell them."
"He told me we need to buy you a rooster for your hens. I said why? They lay eggs and they don't need to have a male around. He told me the eggs won't be fertile and will never hatch."
-"'But what can a rooster do to make it hatch?'"
-"'He picks the back of their necks.'"
-"'Well I can do that with a needle every day!'"
-"'And then he farts in their butts..'"
"The worst part I remember is me running to my mom after we went home to tell her about my recent discovery……."-Rio1231233
Manipulation For One
"Gaslighting. About obviously wrong or easily disputable things."
"Like, I hated the babysitter I had from age 3 to 4. She was a b*tch who favored boys and didn't much like me either."
"I was an easygoing kid, but I hated her. My mother insisted all the way through college that I loved this woman. We'd go back to visit my hometown, and she'd force me to skip seeing my friends to visit this lady."
"At 16, these visits would go something like 'Hi.' 'Oh, it's you.' And then she'd ignore me and talk to my mother while I stared at a wall and nodded politely until we could leave."
"My mother doubled down on this every time I disagreed until one visit back to the church we used to attend (social center of small towns), this lady saw my mother coming and began the conversation with 'wasn't it funny how much your daughter and I always hated each other? I only watch little boys these days. Can't stand girls.'"
"My mom briefly attempted to convince both of us that we shared fond memories, but... By that point we were approaching 20 years of mutual dislike. It was a bit absurd."-TragedyPornFamilyVid
People Should Not Be Allowed To Be Parents
"My mom would drive us to random huge nondescript buildings, screaming the whole time claiming that it was the orphanage & that she was getting rid of us."
"Sometimes she would get out & physically pull our arms trying to rip us out of the car."
"If she was near the police station she would try it there too, telling us we were horrible kids & that the cops would understand and take us away from her."
"Which was super bold to me! it's a shame she never got caught in the act abusing her kids."-miserable-now
Lying can be a form of abuse.
Whale Toe Soup
"When I was younger i learned that mushrooms were a fungus and refused to eat them."
"My dad made me some soup with mushrooms in it and i threw a fit about eating it, so he inspected the bowl and told me they were whale toes."
"Apparently i was old enough to know that mushrooms were a fungus but not old enough to know that whales didnt have feet. >_<"-SelfBoundBeauty
Reversing The Lie
"It's not that f**ked up but it's kind of a revenge story. When I was very young my parents told me I couldn't get carbonated soft drinks cause they said it was bad for me and I could die. Mind you I was an hyperactive kid at the time."
"At one point I got a genius idea, I lived with my mother and my father would pick me up every weekends."
"My plan was Friday evening when my father would pick me up I would tell him 'mom gave me coca-cola cause she said it's okay you're going to your father's anyway.'"
"And at this moment my father accepted the fake challenge I have given him. The next Sunday evening my father gave me like a 1L of 7up just before dropping me off."
"So I was pretty excited, my mother asked me like what's up with you ? And I told her pretty much the same thing 'dad gave me 7up cause he said it's okay you're going to your mother afterward anyway' and then my mom took on the challenge too."
"They never spoke about it out loud it was kind of a war and I was the instruments. What they didn't know was that I was the evil mind behind it all. So all in all, I got my revenge, I got carbonated soft drinks and they never learned the truth until I told them years later."-lrdrchin
An Unforgivable Act
"I came home and my dog was missing. I searched for her for weeks. I was 10 so I couldn't really go anywhere to see if she'd been turned in. I called vets offices and stuff though."
"In my 20's I found out my mom took her to the humane society and dropped her off. I hope she found a new family that loved her the way she deserved to be loved. I hope that she didn't wait for us to come get her every day, crying for me."
"My mom has a dog now that she adores and the thought has crossed my mind to take her and drop her off at the local humane society and let my mom know how it f**king feels but I could never do that to another person."-SendRamenNoodz
Parents can be horrible people, too. And some of the parents in these stories no doubt deserve the "worst parent" award, swiftly and quickly rewarded to them upside the head.
But some of these lies are innocuous. Not all lies are bad things, and when they end up being kind of cute ones for your kids to make them happier, those are the best kind. But keep in mind that not being honest comes with a price. You may cause your child to resent you forever.