Conspiracy theories are undoubtedly problematic. They place blame in the wrong place, painting incidental tragedies as vile plots. Mourning is replaced by paranoia.
But some are just so outlandish--and strangely, quite benign--that they demand being shared.
These theories of corrupt schemes, silently dominant overlords, and dramatic cover-ups crop up constantly. As sure as people talk about current events, imaginative explanations will be produced and shared, person to person.
So the internet is a helpful tool for rounding them up. Redditors have susceptible uncles and strange acquaintances with stranger friends. All those relations go toward the occasional overheard theory.
And then, for our reading pleasure, a Reddit thread is born, its sole purpose being to compile the weirdest niche explanations: to prescribe the purpose of all humankind; to shed light on one particular television show; to cast doubt on natural occurrences.
RealNumber44 asked, "What is the craziest conspiracy theory you have ever heard?"
An Arms Race with no Finish Line
"There was no Cold War in reality, it was just a cover for two allies to build super advanced militaries to prepare for alien invasion. Their mammoth nuclear arsenals are not meant for each other."
"This is all continuing even today and North Korea doesn't exist. It's just a black site, off the paper testing ground for Russian-American super-advanced weapons and technologies."
"Humans lived on Mars but ruined the ecosystem so they took a ship and crash landed on Earth and that was the meteorite that took out the dinosaurs." -- Flynt25
"There's a theory that everything in the Bible that is pre-Noah took place on Mars and Noah's Ark was a spaceship to Earth." -- DarthNecromancy
"You forgot the part where it was only Adam and Eve in the pod that crashed." -- ghostfaceinspace
The Creativity Demands Respect
"It has become a pretty mainstream 'conspiracy theory' that many politicians, billionaires, and celebrities are participating in a massive sex trafficking ring..."
"It is a more tangential conspiracy theory that they're actually torturing and murdering kids to drink their blood for adrenochrome because it gets them high or acts as a performance enhancing drug for their lifestyles..."
"But what if shutting down Epstein's island cut off their supply of 'the good stuff' and now they have to drink more and more blood to get the same high?"
"Blood is very rich in ferrous iron(Fe2). The symptoms of Iron Poisoning are dizziness, shortness of breath, fatigue, aches, seizures... Exactly the same as the new virus."
"What if the virus (real or fake) is just to mask the symptoms of our vampire overlords?"
"Virus... Fe2 poisoning... CoV... FeFe... Covfefe"
Circles Against Old People
"More roundabouts are being put in by millenials to spite the older generation and take away their driving freedom."
"Said by an old person talking to another one at the gas station after almost causing an accident in a nearby roundabout (guy just stopped in the roundabout to let people in, big truck behind him had to slam hard on brakes)."
"I just continued pumping my gas as the guy rambled on."
And Here I Just Thought They Were Annoying Wild Animals
"Wolves howl at full moons because aliens tap the power to relay subliminal messages." -- Back2Bach
"Tap the power of the moon?" -- Axtyn77
A Conspiracy Not Fit for the Spotify Age
" 'Back masking' or whatever it was called in connection with heavy metal records. I think the theory pre-dates heavy metal though, possibly going way back to the 1960s?"
"There were persistent rumours that satan-worshippers hid secret messages by recording them backwards in the tracks of records. If you played the record backwards, slowly or speeded up, you might be able to hear the message. Rumour was, it could even brainwash impressionable teens."
"A thing to do back in the 1980s, was for kids to get heavy metal tapes, and carefully wind the tape to play backwards. In the hopes of hearing a secret message."
Genius, if True
"Coke needed to replace their sugar to corn syrup in the 80s because it was cheaper and more efficient for them to do so. But the taste was noticeable."
"Anyone who's had Coke from Mexico knows there's a distinct flavor change so the marketing people were terrified of people rejecting it."
"Throw in the gains Pepsi has been making and Coke was in no position to give up marketing dominance by any slip up."
"They invented New Coke as a way to make people hate the new product so when they returned to the original formula people would just be so happy to have it back they would never notice the change in sweetener."
Game Show Messiah
"Ken Jennings was a plant to reinvigorate interest in Jeopardy on the heels of a lot of subpar TV game shows." -- elevenghosts
"Come on. Don't ruin Jeopardy for me." -- Catnap42
"It must have worked pretty well because he's been brought back for like 4 special tournaments over the years. I guess they need to keep boosting that sweet, sweet high veiwer count." -- TheRealYeastBeast
So That's Why He Wanted to Go to the Moon So Bad
"My favorite is that no one actually died in the 9/11 terrorist attacks... what actually happened was we went to the moon to sign a contract with the aliens to give them some people as slaves, JFK was going to reveal this fact which is why he was assassinated."
"And the people who 'died' in 9/11 are actually fulfilling this contract that JFK died for by mining the dark side of the moon for our alien overlords."
What About When They Grow
"Trees aren't real. Trees used to be as tall as mountains. What we see today is like looking at pebbles in a river. Over time these massive giants eroded to tiny trees we know today."
"Also, trees aren't alive."
Echo, Echo, Echo
"I'd say that whole 'hollow Earth' theory is pretty crazy." -- [deleted]
"Maybe so but it still makes more logical sense than the flat Earth theory!" -- Glitch_in_the_plink
"And it was so prevalent actual governments tried to fund expeditions to find routes to it, including the US." -- Illier1
When Kindness is Radical
"The show Sesame Street is an attempt to brainwash American kids into communist Soviet sleeper agents." -- i_f***in_luv_it_mate
"To be fair, that whole 'sharing' concept is kinda commy." -- MercutiaShiva
"When I was a kid, the school made me join a 'social group' which was run by the school. It was 100% socialist propaganda." -- locks_are_paranoid
"Spam was made so that the aliens that live here could eat. Apparently its the only thing they can digest properly." -- Mysterion_x
"So Hawaii is home to the most aliens?" -- JayGold
"Read that as sperm and stared at my wall for five minutes." -- HermaeusMoron69
"Well it's not like humans can eat it..." -- Moonpaw
A Reaching Explanation of Character
"The Chinese put mind-altering chemicals in the plastic bands of ball caps so that when Americans wear them backwards, the chemicals cause them to do crazy things. I thought they were just being themselves." -- Pigs100
"Florida explained." -- Cav3tr0ll
"I mean, if that keeps people from wearing their baseball caps incorrectly, whatever works." -- meiyoumayo
"Everything is Chrome"
"There was once a silicon era, where all life was A. made of sillicon and B. huge. Mesas - and many mountains, in fact - are the stumps of massive trees. Many cliff faces and rock formations aren't just features of geography, but rather the corpses of giants."
"Edit: silicon, not silicone. English vowels and I have a tense relationship."
Where Did They Find That Guy?
"Paul McCartney died and was replaced by a lookalike years ago." -- mallocuproo
"Eminem, too. Although I believe the theory is that he was replaced by a series of lookalikes and ultimately a robot." -- issacoin
Hot Takes on Obama
"My mother-in-law thought President Obama was in ISIS. She thought that the President of the United States was a member of a fundamentalist terrorist organization." -- Phranquelyhnne
"I mean, our current president does jack sh*t about domestic terrorists, so she was just a few years off really." -- -MPG13-
"My mom explained to me that Obama was actually the Anti-Christ." -- ms_old_field
A Sudden Development
"The cute woman working the perfume counter at a Belk became much less cute when she started telling me about how Hugh Jackman f***s animals." -- illogictc
"Well he does identify as a wolverine." -- Genghis_Chong
A More Accepted One
"The craziest conspiracy theory I ever heard was that Jeffrey Epstein killed himself by hanging himself with braided toilet paper in jail, while on suicide watch, while the guards were asleep, and all the cameras conveniently malfunctioned at the same time."
You'd have to be pretty crazy to believe that."
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.