Marriage is - theoretically - a forever kind of thing. Not a lot of people go into it thinking it's something they'll do until they get bored and something else comes along. Having said that, forever is a really long time to spend with a person and divorce is all too common. That doesn't mean it's a must, though. Millennials have been blamed for "killing" divorce (umm, you're welcome?) but it's not like they're the first to be able to battle back from the edge.
One Reddit user asked:
Redditors who salvaged their marriage from the brink of divorce, what's your story and how's it going now?
A surprising number of brave people stepped up to talk about it - and what it mostly boils down to is that honesty and communication are a must. Oh, also maybe don't play so many video games and handle your mental health people!
The responses have been edited for language, but that's it. These are people's stories in their own words. Some are heartbreaking, some are kind of funny, but they're all honest and vulnerable.
Warcraft = War At Home
Husband played World of Warcraft. A lot. We had two kids. I was miserable and controlling.
I went to therapy for myself and got some emotional tools on how to deal with life. It was mind blowing. I also learned how to not let fear dictate my decisions. Husband noticed. I basically went from controlling and nagging and a mean sobbing mess to calm, independent and in some ways less caring. He got nervous and agreed to go to therapy.
He went for two sessions. Basically he got his view of reality called into question. I swear our therapist was like a non-evil Hannible Lecter. He was good at getting to the heart of things but both myself and my husband were desperate for change.
My husband stepped up. And I stepped down from trying to micromanage his life. I want him to enjoy video games. I do too. But he needs to be emotionally available. If I'm making dinner I'll tell him "Don't start a new game, dinner is almost ready" or he'll ask how much time he has ... Or wait to game after kids sleep.
It's the communication, the consideration and the priorities that need to be changed. If you're using gaming as a crutch for other issues, you'll just find a replacement if gaming is taken away.
So, yeah he still plays. But he plays because he enjoys it, not as a way to escape real life every second he can.
Life is good.
Re-Directed Emotional Energy
I caught my wife chatting with someone else online. When I called her on it, she said she knew I was talking to someone else too. We had been (emotionally) cheating on each other because we felt like we weren't getting what we needed from the marriage.
We realized that if we just took the effort that we were spending on the other people and spent it on each other, we'd be happy and getting what we needed. Now our marriage is really amazing.
Most of our problems came from his family full of awful, abusive, intrusive, boundary-stomping as$holes.
We moved 1000 miles away and no longer speak to them. We're happy now.
We Forgot To Be In Love
Go back 17 years ago, we had a young son. He was my dream child. I lost my focus on my husband and centered entirely on my son. My husband never said much.
I was so tired too. All I wanted to do after working 9-10 hours was sleep. He had a job he hated and works 10 hours a day too.
We forgot to be in love. Period. I nagged a lot and he just ignored me. I caught him telling our problems to a stranger on the Internet. I asked for a divorce.
It was around January. I said we would let my son finish the school year and I would leave in June.
After that, we coexisted as friends. We had been together for 16 years, so that wasn't hard. Our parents knew we were divorcing and they didn't understand because we were such good friends.
Around March we were bored. We wanted to go out to dinner and a movie. I asked my mom to babysit. It was just as friends. I actually took the time to get ready. He did too. We went to dinner and then the movie. By habit, I just grabbed his hand. He never said anything, but just stroked the back of my hand and never let go.
We got back into the car. It was late, so we let our son stay overnight.
I don't know what happened that night, but I felt something I had never felt before. I was holding on to my best friend and I wasn't going to let go.
We went home and just held each other. Divorce was never mentioned again. In my own head I realized that I had to put him first. He needed me too. I balanced my time and he learned to give me the reassurance that I needed to feel loved.
As I currently watch him sleep, with our young 7 year old between us, I know that our marriage is about as perfect as a marriage can be. We have both forgiven and accepted each other's faults.
My advice to you..
- Make one date a month. Make it special. 2 Every 3-4 months, plan to go out-of-town for a night. Act like teenagers. I can't tell you how much I need these nights. We go to concerts, ball games, casinos, or even just camping.
- Don't argue about something that won't matter in one month. If he didn't take out the trash, will that really matter?
- Learn to enjoy each other's bodies. I had gained weight and lost all self-esteem. Once I realized that he wasn't looking for perfection, just attention, things changed. I wasn't happy with what I looked like and o have slowly improved.
My oldest son is getting married. His soon-to-be wife told him he wanted marriage just like his parents had. That told me everything I needed to know. We had made it.
Boiled Down To Communication
After I had my kids I felt like I lost who I was. I was "mom" and that was it. I was permanently exhausted. All my energy was spent on the kids so by the end of the day I just wanted to get into bed and sleep. My husband would stay up late playing computer games. We spent no time together. I nagged him because I felt like I was doing all the work at home.
I also gained a lot of weight during my 2 pregnancies and I didn't lose it afterwards, which made me feel fat and unattractive. It didn't help that my husband seemed to completely lose interest in me. He stopped telling me I was beautiful. He stopped saying "I love you". He has never been a very expressive guy so when that stopped, and he wasn't being physically affectionate with me either, I truly believed that he didn't really love me anymore. It was a bit of a vicious cycle, because the more I felt that way, the more weight I gained and the more terrible I felt about myself. I would always be the one to initiate any intimacy. It completely blew my self-confidence.
While all this was happening I met somebody online (to clarify, it was not on any dating site or anything like that) who I used to chat to regularly. There was nothinginappropriate that happened. It was just sharing about what had happened during the week, getting advice on things, talk about parenting etc. This guy lived on a different continent. I never shared anything about my husband with him, never complained about him etc. He was more like a spiritual mentor. I realized though, that even though nothing inappropriate was going on, it was wrong because without realizing it, I was emotionally investing in somebody else when I should have been using that time and energy to invest in my relationship with my husband. Although I put an end to that, things still didn't improve. I felt like with every month that passed the gulf between us got wider and wider.
I caught my husband looking at porn a number of times, which at the time, was devastating to me. It made me feel even worse about myself...his sex drive was fine, it was just me he wasn't interested in. I took it very personally. He was completely withdrawn from me, and there was actually a point where I worried that he might be having an affair. I was absolutely miserable.
The tipping point came a few years ago, when my husband went snooping online and found some "anonymous" confessions I had made on Scary Mommy confessions (unlucky for me, even though I had never saved any of them, he worked his software engineer magic and knew which ones were mine). It was my place to vent about how crappy I felt about motherhood, about myself and about my marriage (and even about both our families).
When my husband saw them he was devastated. Because he's always had trouble expressing any emotions he wrote me a long letter telling me that he had gone snooping and found them. He told me how hurt he was and how he didn't realize that I had been so unhappy.
A very hard discussion followed, with lots of tears on both sides. Once everything was out in the open things got so much better. He made more of an effort to tell me he loved me and that I was beautiful. He encouraged me to go back to school and to follow my own dreams. I started seeing a personal trainer 3x a week. I also discovered that the reason he doesn't initiate sex very much is not because he doesn't want it, but because he never wants me to feel pressured to do it. Our sex life has been amazing since. We also spoke about love languages.
For us, fixing things really boiled down to communication. I think the key to any good marriage is good, open communication and not letting things build up until you're miserable and full of resentment.
Not Doing This Alone
We had two kids in diapers and we were working opposite schedules so that we could care for them without resorting to daycare.
He called me at work to say "We're both not happy. We should separate."
Without any emotional tears or anything I said
"I'm not f***ing doing this alone so get over yourself."
Then I hung up the phone.
Tomorrow is my 30th anniversary. The kids are grown and successful and we love each other more than we ever have.
We Got Therapy, We Grew Up
Marriage was a sh!t show. We were both still immature in several ways. Things got bad. There was lying, fighting, yelling, verbal and psychological abuse. Divorce was used as a threat, and so was custody of our kids. Husband was having an emotional affair with his ex wife. We reached a tipping point during an argument in which I was told my opinion was wrong, and I needed to change it or be gone within the week.
I left the next day.
We fought more, we both filed for divorce. We had one hearing where we talked about custody to the judge. Time passes, my lawyer had everything ready to finalize it and all it needed was my signature.
I opted not to have it filed and not to sign.
During the three years we were separated, we continued to talk on the phone. I let him see our kids as much as possible. We were hundreds of miles apart - twelve hours driving. My car would not have made the trip. His was in better condition. He may have been a sh!t husband, but he's always been a good dad. We talked, and talked. We both sought therapy individually. We grew up.
Eventually he moved back, and I moved back in. We've continued to work on our marriage so we never get to where we were.
As for right now? Things are okay. We're not perfect people, but we're making it through.
Workaholic Mama's Boy And The Emotional Affair
I did that cliche movie thing where my husband comes home from work and finds his wife (me) sitting at the kitchen table with a drink gesturing at the other chair like, "Have a seat, we need to talk."
I basically laid out everything that was wrong with our relationship and family life - and there was a lot. I had thought a lot about it all for literal years (married for 9 years at that point), but obviously the communication was so far deteriorated that I hadn't brought any of this up before. He took it very much in stride and said, "That's fixable! I'll fix it!" I was silent and looked down. He said, "Unless... you don't want it to be fixed. Are you telling me you want a separation?"
I had wanted a separation, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that. This conversation was going differently than I expected. I thought he'd jump at the chance to leave me; I thought he hated me. So, I said, "Well, no." And we talked some more, and made plans to improve our relationship.
Several days after that, we were out having dinner and I was too distracted by my thoughts about our shitty marriage to have a good time. He noticed and asked what was wrong. I said, "You expect everything to improve overnight. Nothing is better. I feel the same." After a bit of angry back and forth, we got the check and stormed home (we live walking distance from the restaurant we were at, so we angrily power walked home, it must have been comedic to people who were watching).
Everything, everything came out that night. All the ways that he had wronged me, as far back as 10 years ago, that he had never apologized for or acknowledged, all the way up to the present. He said, "Why now? Why are you telling me this now? What has changed? Has [longtime friend of mine] pitted you against me for some reason??" And so the truth came out: I said, "I met someone else."
It was true, I'd met someone else and it was mainly an emotional affair, though we exchanged pictures and sexted. But what struck me was how differently they both treated me. I mean, long story short, it was like night and day. To put it very simply, the other guy respected my time and made me feel like I had value as a person separate from making him happy, whereas my husband did not make me feel like that.
I had not wanted to tell my husband about the affair. The other guy and I were not going to get together and were in fact starting to end our relationship, so telling my husband would be just pointless and hurtful. I mainly told him in order to clear my poor friend's name (he really thought she was trying to get me to divorce him) and to put the nail in the coffin of our relationship so I could just move the on.
That was actually the turning point of the evening. He told me that it didn't line up with who he knew me to be - which was a good, honest, faithful person. He said that I must have felt really backed into a corner to turn to infidelity, and that actually made him sit down and examine how he had been acting for the past ten years.
As for how he had been acting: he was a workaholic who had literally zero time for family life including fun interesting conversations about non-work related things. He never came with me to visit my family, hardly spent time with our son, expected me to do everything around the house - which I didn't really mind except he would complain terribly when it wasn't up to his standards instead of just fixing things to his liking without complaining. For example, he would complain to me about a sock being on the floor rather than just picking it up as he walked by.
He didn't listen to anything I said, and I had a running joke where if I wanted to end a conversation, all I had to do was talk longer than 30 seconds because at that point he became very dismissive and would literally walk away. Not in an overtly mean way, more like, "ahah well I've said everything I need to say, and now I'll get back to work" while backing away. Then after a while, whenever this happened, I'd say, "Hah see, this is what happens when I start talking!" and he'd say, "ahah no it isn't" over his shoulder as he was sitting back down at his desk. It didn't really feel like it had any malice behind it, but it was really upsetting anyway. He told me later that he was afraid to spend time on anything that wasn't work. The conversations were usually work related, so when I started talking, the usefulness of it would be over, as I usually expanded the conversation from work to other things often still related to work, but in a less direct way.
He would threaten me with divorce every time we had a fight - I eventually asked him to stop and he more or less did, but occasionally lapsed. His mother lived with us for years and she was incredibly emotionally abusive in ways that I cannot and will not ever forgive- but whenever I brought it up with my husband, he got very defensive, defended her, and said that I was wrong for feeling the way I did. Most hurtful was the fact that he didn't work for a year by choice and despite all of his free time, he did not spend a single day hanging out with me and our son. That was when I was convinced he didn't love me, and that's when I met the other guy, which spearheaded all of this.
After that initial big conversation, we did a LOT of soul searching. I went on a trip planned long in advance, to visit my family (it was one of those family trips that he never took with me, so he didn't have a ticket and therefore didn't come along). During our time apart, we thought a LOT about what we wanted from our marriage and each other and whether we were willing to work on things, whether we were able to come back from the hurt we'd caused each other. We spent a lot of time texting and on the phone. On the day I was supposed to come back, we were both pacing and debating whether we actually wanted to see each other again.
We decided to stay together and make it work. He has a better work life balance, and does things around the house. I speak up when things bother me. We have conversations about things that aren't work related. He values what I say. He apologized for the way his mom treated me, and for not acknowledging how hurtful it was - which made me feel like a huge load was lifted from my spirit. He said that he didn't even realize that's how he was acting all those years - that he was acting like a person he never wanted to be. I believe him. I always knew he had a good heart. I feel like his behavior now matches with who he is on the inside.
I didn't know our marriage could be as good as it is now; if I had, I definitely would have tried to have that conversation years ago, preferably without the infidelity.
A Breast Reduction Changed Everything
I had surgery. I know it sounds weird.
I'm a female, make the most money, work the most, etc. My husband also works but has very few skills and smokes weed a lot because of back pain, so any time he DOES get an interview for something better, they drug test and he doesn't get the job.
We also have a son with autism. We aren't having more kids. When my son turned 8 I got my tubes cut out so I couldn't. Every day is exhausting and honestly, neither of us were happy. I never wanted sex because I was tired, he wanted it all the time. He snapped about everything, I shut down about everything. We had our 10 year anniversary and I knew I wanted a divorce.
I has a breast reduction because of pain issues that were affecting my work. That surgery is serious stuff. I prepared myself for having to go at my recovery with no help. I was delusional. I was a mess afterwards. I didn't want to ask him for help at all.
He turned into a different person. He helped me in the bathroom, took me in the shower to help me, drove me to all of my appointments, made me food, checked on me every 20 mins. Never once did he get impatient with me.
4 weeks after my surgery I felt really lovely from my surgery. I was in a good mood, I liked how I looked in the mirror. I asked him if he liked how I looked. He looked like a dog staring at a treat. I told him I wanted sex.
Ever since then, things are TOTALLY different. I don't know exactly what happened. Maybe him realizing that attention to me matters and showing care, and I realized I needed to give up control. Now we make a little date time. We have sex 1-2 times a week (It had been about once a month before). We laugh with each other. I talk to him when I'm frustrated instead of trying to solve everything by myself. But it's pretty awesome.
Long story short, I was a very heavy drinker for 15+ years. Verbally abusive to my wife when drunk. Wife lost her father from cancer the same year we married. Lost her mother the following year due to unknown cause, possibly heart issue. We had a kid. June 2016, my wife's sister gave birth, then unexpectedly, her sister died a week later. I started drinking more heavily and ramped up my verbal abuse. My wife suppressed her feelings and said she was "used to death now."
End of August 2016, she says she wants a marriage break. I didn't want a break. Early September 2016 I decide to quit drinking cold turkey (average 15 drinks a day down to 0) and start working out. One week later, I find out she's having an affair. The affair continued for 6 months on and off, but I maintained my sobriety and tried to convince her I changed the whole time. She never believed me and expected me to revert back to my old ways. December 2016, we were headed for divorce. February 2017, the affair had ended a month prior, she's gone thru a lot of therapy at this point (she started going weekly in November 2016), and we decided to try and give our marriage another shot. We did marriage counseling bi weekly and started to get to know the new us, individually and as a couple. That April, I started school again after a 10 year hiatus.
Today, 9/27/18, I'm down to 170lbs from 220 (this weight was actually all lost in the first couple months after finding out about the affair), I'm 80% of the way done with my bachelor's degree, wife and I are more in love than we ever have been since knowing each other, and we're expecting our second child in one week! I'm still sober with no outside help. I did it in silence and I'm damn proud of myself! 2 years ago at this time, I wouldn't have believed this was possible, but I pushed thru and I'm making good decisions, finally!
I was a dick and didn't deserve the beautiful woman who put up with my daily drinking and verbal abuse for over 5 years. She shouldn't have cheated and maybe some think I should have cut my ties, but I made the choices I made and I stand by them. I love her. My Wife and I finally found our true selves and our marriage is stronger than it's every been. We were both in the wrong for different reasons, but we worked hard and fixed everything that we could.
Just wanted to get this off my chest because I feel accomplished. I'm finally happy with my life and where it's going for the first time since youth.
Keep your head up, most bullsh!t in life is just a phase unless you make it bigger than it should be. Stay focused.
We've all played the "What I would do if I was rich" game.
You've imagined a trillion scenarios for what you would do (after you paid off your debt, of course) with wads of cash. In your imagination, you've given money to friends, started charities or businesses, and probably bought your fair share of imaginary real estate.
And that's all just the basics. We haven't even gotten into all the rich-people hobbies you could take up like SCUBA golfing, sailboat customization, or learning how to melt down antique jewelry to make gem-encrusted bongs for yoga Wednesdays at the gym-slash-coffeehaus.
Reddit user BabySuperfreak asked:
"What's your fantasy 'rich person hobby'?"
Reddit is absolutely right there with you, folks.
CarpentrySeason 4 Wow GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"Woodworking, which I already enjoy. But I'd have a huge workshop with all of the expensive tools."
"It's fun to figure out how you could spend increasingly large amounts of money on a hobby."
"$10k? Sweet garage shop."
"$100k? Build a huge shop and tweak it out. Loan it out to people who don't have access to shops."
"$1M? I have no idea. Train under the best woodworkers in the world? Visit exotic locales to see how materials/supplies are produced?"
"I just want my own bandsaw and I'll be happy, but yeah it's my dream to have my own little shop in a quaint little building in my backyard. It would be the cutest girliest little grandma-core workshop out of a fairytale picture book."
"I'd have little organized stations for everything and it would be so satisfying!"
"I've built a pretty decent 'shop' through marketplace and estate sales. Taken a while but I have most of the major tools I need. Affording wood is another story"
Want To Grab Lunch?
"I want to be a 'lady who lunches'."
"You could even step up your game and do 'Brunch' on Sunday! They would say 'wow she is so rich'.”
"Word. Except I think I would hate those people and just lunch w people who are self-employed artists and/or homeless."
"Those are the only two groups you'd eat lunch with?"
MiniaturesStartup Miniatures GIF by Mighty OakGiphy
"I love building miniatures. I helped my dad build a few models as a kid. Then I stumbled onto those miniature rooms you can buy on Amazon. Surprisingly cheap for the decent quality. I've done about 10 of them and have another 20 on my wishlist."
"I went to a hobby store the other day in search of a material for a custom mini, and my friend brought to me a giant box of a model of the Enterprise. For $1200. 3 months' rent."
"I know my first stop after winning the lottery"
"As a gamesworkshop fan I feel you. I’ve got a wishlist too."
"Being rich, you could build 1:1 scale miniatures."
SailingSewing Bee Hello GIF by The Great British Sewing BeeGiphy
"Sailing sounds fun as hell"
"Sailing is fun as hell. I’ve been crewing now for about 7 years."
"Sailing is cheap. It is owning a boat that’s expensive. I pay $350 a year for access to my local club’s boats if I do want to go take a boat out myself."
"Boat owners frequently spend $350 on parts for a single event, and people always need dependable and reliable crew."
"I’ve even gotten flown out to tropical places and had my accommodations paid for at bigger events! I don’t even own a boat, just pull lines!"
"If you live near a racing community, you can get into sailing at the cost of maybe some sandwiches for the team, or occasionally replacing sunglasses you drop in the drink, you just need the right attitude."
"I agree, but only during the day as the ocean according to videos seems pretty terrifying looking at night"
"Sailing is it for me too, particularly cruising. I'd like a nice, 45 ft catamaran that I could cruise around on with the family."
"I have more immediate ambitions to get a little beach cat (Hobie cat, etc) or a dinghy and improve my sailing skills."
"My local 'yacht club' has a learn to sail class that's pretty affordable for a two day introductory class and going out sailing twice (~$100). I did it last year, but I'm considering doing it again as I didn't exactly consolidate my skillet with practice in between."
"Traveling. I know it isn’t much of a hobby, but traveling can be very expensive, and I’ve always wanted to travel the world."
"Beside the cost, getting time off from your full time job can be very hard. I want to spend the summer traveling in XYZ, not fly in, have a couple of days looking around then fly back to work. There's no time to really relax and enjoy the experience"
"Be one of those people perpetually on vacation."
"I'm with you on that. I see all the wonderful places to travel and will never be able to go to them. At least many are on streaming channels now."
"Traveling without budget or ANY money worries. I'd like that. No more sh*tty third-grade hotels and public transportation *joys* and just enjoying the trip."
"I'd travel the world till I physically can't lol that sounds fun"
Esthetic Farmingcalfs GIFGiphy
"Owning a hobby farm/garden with *small breeds of farm animals (mini cheviot sheep, serama chickens, bantam call ducks, miniature jersey cows) *lush vegetation (english garden/new cottage style landscaping) *an orchard with a huge range of different kinds of each fruit and climate controlled greenhouses for plants that wouldn't grow in my region"
"Would they be miniature fruit trees? I want the small animals walking amongst the small trees with small fruit."
"I would love it to have ducks, cats, dogs, rabbits anything to be honest and just watch them enjoy their time and play around. A small pond for the animals to cool down, big trees for nice cool shadows and also some fruits that drop for them etc."
"I'd like to have a large collection of really cool fossils. The really neat ones are expensive."
"Oooh, good thought. You know there's a tech billionaire somewhere (I'm blanking on which one) that got really into collecting gemstones after he got swindled into buying some fakes."
"He found the geology of them fascinating and now he has the biggest jewel collection outside of a royal family and was in a documentary talking about them."
"I think pure geekery unfettered by financial restraints may my favorite use of a large fortune."
"Like a complete T-Rex skeleton and a complete Triceratops skeleton and make them fight like action figures... I'm not going to judge."
Preservation Of WildlifeHappy Feel Good GIFGiphy
"I'd really like to hire a ton of experts to help me find and preserve a wildlife habitat with all native species."
"Get rid of all the invasive plants and whatnot and make it how it was before we got here. I'd be the anti gardener."
"Same goals club! I’ve got a good 100 acres chugging away just woods. Have had several offers to buy it but they’re gonna have to wait til I’m dead."
"Last guy asked me why I wouldn’t sell. 'Because somebody already lives there sir.' Him-' but your house is way up there.' Me- 'yea but the birds and bugs live here.' Also learned that old people get pissed off when young people own land and don’t develop it into housing editions. 'People could live here!' People could live somewhere else too."
"Mine is similar: I want to make a huge bee sanctuary filled with all sorts of wildflowers and plants, with an absolute ton of pollinators like bees, butterflies and moths."
"Also all sorts of other interesting plants like oak trees and wild grass."
"Yours is my favorite I think :)"
'Paying' It ForwardTalking Season 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"Anonymously paying debts or giving things to people in need."
"Robin Hood, that you?"
"I'd help with that if I could!"
"I think it would feel pretty amazing to sit in a bankruptcy court and pay off a defendant’s judgment. Idk how it works, though, like whether you can make a payment anonymously on someone else’s behalf."
"I wouldn’t pay off debts (other than to immediate family members), but I like the idea of randomly paying for groceries or gas for strangers."
"Especially at the last week or so of each month. Have some type of set up so I could have an arrangement with a store’s manager to call down to the cashier to just tell the customer after they scan everything, 'It’s your lucky day! You don’t have to pay!'."
"Operating a maker space that enriches the community and enables everyone to have access to tools and space to create anything they need / want."
"oh yeah my husband and I have talked about doing this"
"I'd love to have this for music. Like a rehearsal complex for certain younger artists I see potential in."
"Also have a recording studio nearby as well. Just try to develop some sort of niche community of musicians that focus on certain aspects of music"
"Have all the stuff like drumkits, guitar amps, all that in each room already (kind of like a normal rehearsal space you pay for). Maybe even some cheaper guitars so that even if you don't have money you can use them"
"Maybe do some community events with all the people, and who knows. Maybe some amazing bands or groups could come from it."
Alright bougie broke friends, it's your turn at the mic.
We know what Reddit would do for hobbies if they got rich, but what about you?
Anybody suddenly feel like funding a documentary into Tevin Campbell's life, music, and how homophobia robbed him of a bigger career and the community of a cornerstone personality?
No? Just me and my love for Mr. Campbell acting up again?
When it comes to expressing love, there is a multitude of ways to go about it. Most people stick to the classic: using the words "I love you."
But that's not the only way.
Using thoughtful gestures, love languages, special messages, or even just remembering little details about another person are all great ways to express love.
Curious about all the different ways of expressing love, Redditor sadesspresso asked:
"What is the best way to say “I love you” without actually saying “I love you”?"
"The moon is beautiful...."
"Some old japanese man told me some story and 'the moon is beautiful ' is supposed to mean I love you...."
"Minä rakastan sinua"
"Just say it in another language, and keep learning new languages."
Through Their Stomach
"I made your favourite food"
"This is the way. I bake my husband his favourite treats even though he’s the only one who likes them. That way if he’s having a blah day at work he opens his lunch and feels love"
"Definitely the way! I would love to just receive some homecooked food without having to ask first!"
Pride And Pride
"I’m proud of you"
"My wife pulled me aside after an especially brutal day at work and hugged me and whispered this in my ear. This was two weeks ago. I'm still floating."
Appreciating The Superstitions
"Kissing my husband goodbye before he goes to work."
"I read somewhere that men who kiss their wives before leaving for work live five years longer than those who don't. So even if I'm not a morning person, I drag myself out of the bed to make sure that I give him a kiss before he leaves for work. It might or might not be true, but I wish to do everything I can so he could live longer because I kinda like him."
"I kiss him when he arrives at work. He will live long."
Using Their Love Language
"There are different kinds of love languages aside from saying I love you. Giving gifts, physical touch, doing acts of service or nice things for them, and spending quality time. I think for me, time is such a selfless love language, because you’re showing that person that they are actually worth your time. And it doesn’t have to spent doing anything extravagant."
"Figuring out their love language and doing something that speaks to them most."
"Depends on what their love languages are. That shi* works."
"Remembering the small details."
"Remembering their likes and dislikes, favorite color, personal style, etc. Using the knowledge to please them often."
"The best way is to show how you care."
"Eg, you're making a coffee or cup of tea and you make one for them without asking, because you already know they'll say yes if you ask."
"Or they're working outside in the sun and you come out with a cold drink for them."
"Small things that show you're thinking about them."
"Surprise them with their favorite food or snacks/dessert. Ask them how their day is. Do their chores before they notice."
"Making sure their phone is fully charged for them before they leave the house."
Getting Home Safe
"Text me when you get home"
"This. My BF and I say this every time and do text each other when we do get home."
I Choose You
"If I had to choose between rescuing you or my PC from a fire, it'd only take me 10 seconds to choose you."
"I cleaned out the cat’s litter box so you don’t have to."
"According to my wife... Doing the dishes."
"Came home from work yesterday knowing I had to do laundry."
"In my apartment complex that just means walking up a flight of steps, walking down an outdoor hallway, and unlocking a door to the laundry room. But it's such a pain in because you have to set alarms for yourself and come back out to move the clothes to the dryer and collect them before you even get to worry about folding them."
"So yesterday I came home from work and my bf had done my laundry for me. He didn't fold it, but it was sitting, clean and done, by our bed ready to be folded and put away. No alarms, no trips, just a quick little in-place chore and it was over."
"That to me is love."
Well, after all, actions speak louder than words.
It doesn't have to be all about action, however. Just finding a new way to say, "I love you" can do wonders for you and the people you love.
Humans, we fall in and out of grace with one another constantly.
But there are reasons.
People change one another's mind through behavior.
At first you can really like someone.
Enjoy their company.
Spend tons of quality time with them.
Then one day, they drop the facade of their character and show you some true colrs.
And those colors can be stomach turning.
Then respect goes out the window.
And all you can say is...
"I can't even look at you anymore."
Redditor MissMona_69 wanted to talk about all the people we can longer be face to face with. They asked:
"What types of people have you no respect for?"
I can't stand hypocrites. I lose all respect there.
"People who fake mental illnesses for attention."
"SO TRUE. In middle school, I had a friend who faked mental illnesses (not 100% sure but at least 99.9% of the things they said were self-inconsistent). Screwed up my perspective on mental illness and I'm still trying to change that."'
"People who don’t understand the difference between opinion & fact and assume that their opinion is a fact."
"For some reason I see a crap ton of this in a horror movie group I'm in. Horror is such a subjective genre with many various subgenres and the amount of people that just absolutely crap on movies and state their opinions as fact is annoying as hell. Of course the music groups I'm in do the same thing too."
"People who can't admit they are in the wrong and sidestep by blaming you for something that happened years ago."
"My mom does it to me too. If she screws up, she blames me, and once proven wrong, she immediately brings up how I screwed something up from like 14 years ago, and somehow uses that to make me feel like it is my fault."
"People who take advantage of old, senile people. What caliber of piece of crap must you be. Fucking cowards, I spit on you."
"I used to work in supportive housing for folks with various disabilities, one day a client came to be crying because he didn’t have rent for the month. The reason?"
"He was scammed by someone pretending to be from social security. They called him to say that he had to pay back money from a (fabricated) overpayment or he would go to jail. It was extremely sad. Also saw lots of lonely elderly folks get scammed by internet 'girlfriends,' F**k scammers."
"YES! Here is where the true rage comes in! I live in a beautiful city and the amount of litter is revolting. It makes me so angry. I never chuck anything on the damn floor as there will undoubtedly be a bin nearby. It’s just laziness and carelessness."
Why do people litter? It's so gross. Save the world.
The Real Truth
"People who speak 'truth' without trying to understand perspectives outside their own."
"Along those lines, people who describe themselves as 'brutally honest.' Nah, chances are you're just an a**hole."
"People who are rude to wait staff and people who leave their shopping carts around the parking lot."
"I have always believed there are two types of people, those who return the cart to the corral and those who don’t. And this simple action tells me more about a person than a 2 hour long conversation."
"People who have no introspection and always play the victim."
"So I see you have met my brother. In the process of being sentenced for armed robbery but he still blames his pregnant dope head gf with some bs about how it was to support them and regularly busts out the alligator tears to get our mom to put money on his books."
"People who crap on retail workers or lowest wages just to feel better than them with no reason, screw them all."
"I had a coworker like this, dude was brainwashed into believing the franchise license and stock when the giant corporation had very negative company health and it reflected... Most popular chains in retail encourage low wage and try to establish an odd seniority hierarchy."
"People who smoke around children, especially in the same car."
"I 100000% agree with you and I’m a smoker. I don’t care if it’s cold, raining, windy, hot I’m going to stand my a** outside and have a smoke. I don’t smoke inside my house and I never have."
"I think you’d like to meet my neighbor that lives downstairs. She smokes all day long with an infant strapped to her chest."
Well this is a long list of nonsense people. Steer clear.
So many animals are only dangerous because of their need for survival or hunger.
Humans make the relationship with the animal kingdom worse.
Is there no way to co-exist?
One Redditor wanted to discuss aspects of the animal kingdom.
"Which animal gets undeserving hate?"
Tigers and lions. Have you seen the videos of the tigers and lions who have bonded with their human? It's possible.
Bless Youbat flying GIF by eve_agramGiphy
"Bats. They eat billions of insects. You should be thanking them."
"Vultures, eating dead bodies might seem ugly to some but other animals do the same thing but also murder them so how is just finding something that’s already dead and eating that worse, also eating a carcass removes deadly diseases like botulism from the environment."
"I always show my appreciation to the local goth turkeys."
"Blob Fish... they just get yeeted out of the water and the massive pressure difference makes them look 'strange.' Kinda rude I guess. Like if we get yeeted into space and Aliens would laugh at our disfigured forms and print T-Shirts of it."
"I think I read somewhere that the pressure change causes their cells to explode and that’s why they look so horrific after being pulled out of the water. Dunno how factual that is."
Not the Villain
"Hyenas, partially because a whole generation grew up watching them help kill Mufasa lol."
"I've seen people arguing this before but people hate hated hyenas years before the lion king came out. They were constantly used in folklore as villains and opportunist and were often considered unlucky in most african cultures."Eaglekingoftheskies
Back Upearth skunk GIF by Lil DickyGiphy
"Skunks are cute, man. Just give them space."
Skunks? Um... from afar, they're cute. But stay away...
Geniushomer simpson crow GIFGiphy
"Crows. Yes, I understand the caws can be annoying, but they're far more intelligent than a lot of people give them credit for."
"Possums! They eat pests and won't typically bother you unless rabid or provoked."
"Quick reminder then you need to specify which kind of possum, because not everyone here is from America. There a lots of possums here in Australia but they are completely different from the American kind in temperament! Only annoyance with possums here is if they get into your roof. Meanwhile in New Zealand, possums are ALWAYS a pest."
Bad Movie Vibes
"The guy who wrote Jaws ended up writing another book explaining how misunderstood sharks are. Because the movie Jaws scared everyone, and fishermen began to hunt sharks, making them endangered."
"I was gonna say this! They're not bad guys they are just doing shark stuff! It's the freakin' dolphin types you gotta watch out for. Orcas will kill for fun. A shark is just trying to eat and don't see that well."
"Black Cats.They aren't evil and they don't bring bad luck."
"It's a frequent mistake, but black cats actually bring good luck and blessings from The Void!
"Be sure to tell all your friends. If we work together to insist that black cats are good luck, we can help turn over the discrimination. Also, I have proof that they are good luck - whenever I see a black cat I become happy. Coincidence? I think not!!"
Heroesfrog michigan GIFGiphy
"Frogs. They eat the mosquitoes and other bugs you don’t like."
So many animals need some PR help.
Which ones would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments below.