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Couples With Vastly Different Sex Drives Explain How They Cope

Back view of a couple sitting on a park bench and feeling distant
Charlie Foster/Unsplash

Even the most passionate couples can hit a snag in their relationship when it comes to bedroom activities.

Sometimes it's just bad timing. A person in the coupling could have had an exhausting day at work or they may not be in "the mood" for some action. It could be nothing.

But when couples are perpetually experiencing this slump, it could be an indication of a deeper problem.

So how do those with opposing sex drives deal with the situation?


Redditor red_darrow99 sought answers from strangers online and asked:

"People with sex drives way higher than their partners…How do you handle it?"

Like with many issues in a relationship, it all starts with being communicative to resolve them.

Let's Talk

"I have a relatively high sex drive, but my new partner has a lot more than I do, so for the first time I've had to say sorry, not feeling it, I felt like I failed her."

"But I communicated it to her and she understood and I think that's as healthy as it gets."

– Elijah_Wouldnt

Identifying The Conflict ​

"We talk about it and don’t play games about it. Neither one of us are embarrassed. I (f) have the higher drive than he does and he is very physically affectionate and lovey but there’s no mixed signals. I admit when we were first together, rejection didn’t feel great but I find that really talking with him openly and looking at this from an 'us vs the problem' instead of a 'me vs him' problem is something we are strong with."

":It’s easy to feel like it’s you versus your partner, especially with a bit of a bruised ego (which is fair to have). I learned to enjoy the cuddling and touching and kissing but really pay attention to the signs he gives. There are some things he will only do if he seems like there could be a chance for him to get into the mood."

– pwrflwor

​Full Transparency

"Absolutely this. It's all about transparency, but I think you need to have this level of transparency very early on in the relationship, otherwise these kind of future problems can be very difficult to navigate. Talk to your partner. Be open and honest early on in any relationship."

– Digitek50

Some Redditors found a solution.

Relieving The Tension

"I’ve read that some people use sex to ease tensions in their life (me). Other people need to have tensions eased BEFORE having sex (my wife). So what I have been doing is easing those tensions for my wife before initiating such as cleaning, laundry, dishes, bills, etc. It eases her mind and makes it easier for her to get in the mood. Also, its good for our relationship anyway. That’s my advice. No guarantee that it will work, but it helps in my case!"

– nimrod823

There's Always The Consolation Prize

"You take matters into your own hands."

– sm12511

Reading Erotica

"If she likes to read tell her to start reading smutty novels. Holy f'king sh*t."

"My wife and I have been together 20+ years. Super high sex drives for first 15 years for both of us, basically until kids."

"Then her drive just dipped pretty low. Then she started reading these books and sometimes I can't even keep up."

"I read one of them and it's ridiculous. I don't get it, story sucked, writing sucked, but it definitely put me in the mood. And her too."

"She doesn't like to watch porn and life as a mom / worker / wife is just stressful. Reading is relaxing. Reading puts her in the mood while relaxing. Win win."

– bNoaht

Understanding His Perspective

"I never try to force my boyfriend or beg him to have sex. We just chill, and he initiates if he is actually in the mood cause lord knows I am always ready LOL. Otherwise, I take care of myself."

"It definitely hasn't been easy. I am like a once everyday kind of person minimum. My boyfriend is a once every couple of months, maybe. If he's really stressed out at work it can be a while. I felt very rejected at first and unattractive. But I had to understand it from his perspective. To him, it's not important and when you're stressed unimportant things go on the back burner. For me, it's a stress reliever so the more stressed I am the more I want it. Just like when someone people are depressed they eat, but when other people are depressed they'll starve themselves. Everyone is different."

– BysshePls

People continued sharing their experiences.

Check The Testosterone Level

"My wife has had the same issue. She wants to be more intimate, but it doesn’t come naturally, and I’m very sensitive to her feelings. One thing to check is her testosterone level. Women actually need a healthy testosterone level for procreation, and it can be suppressed by a number of reasons. For us, it was breastfeeding."

– brentnic

It's Not Personal...Sometimes

"It's frustrating and disheartening. I have to work really hard not to take it personally or as a sign that he's not attracted to me. I don't initiate at all anymore because the rejection really hurts."

– placentacasserole

Long Drought

"The beginning of our relationship was filled daily with it. 7 years later and we go 10+months between each time. I'm not handling it I'm slowly breaking.."

– CyberMech96

Marriage Might Not Be The Right Answer

"I have a high sex drive, I am very affectionate, and I create opportunities for intimacy. My fiancé is now the exact opposite, coming up on a year of communicating my needs and feelings with no feedback other than 'just not interested or not feeling it' then she goes back to her phone (little world). It’s clearly depression. A year of pecks on the cheek for kisses, and that’s it."

"I’ve asked, pleaded, and begged for her to call a Dr. To seek some help. But it’s just been excuse after excuse."

"I do love her. I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me. I can’t force her to seek help when she doesn’t feel there’s an issue."

"I can feel resentment growing as I debate whether I’d be happier just with a dog in my life. At least then I’d have another being wanting to go for a walk with me and spend time with me."

– ohp250

Ignoring the problem won't make it go away.

Have those hard conversations and find solutions or make compromises together.

That's if the relationship is important to you.

Products That Are Rarely Used For Their Intended Purposes

Reddit user OfficialDampSquid asked: 'What product is rarely used for its intended purpose?'

There's this ongoing, universal joke that no one reads user's manuals for new items, so often items aren't built or used quite the way they were intended.

But some products, whether there's a user's manual involved or not, will be used for activities that they were in no way designed for.

Redditor OfficialDampSquid asked:

"What product is rarely used for its intended purpose?"

Clothespins

"Clothespins have spent years keeping bags of chips closed in my house, not a minute hanging up clothes."

- jpiro

"Great in the shop as mini clamps, specifically when gluing the linings to acoustic guitars."

- Fluffy-Anything-5528

Free Parking Corner

"The corner that says FREE PARKING on the Monopoly board."

- DanielleAntenucci

"I don’t know one single person who plays that game correctly. It’s insane how house rules caught on and became almost universal."

- Dr_broadnoodle

Cotton Swaps

"I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I use a Q-Tip correctly."

- PM_DEGRADING

"95 percent for cleaning electronics. Five percent for cleaning your ears."

- Fried-Pig-Dogs

Bubble Wrap

"Bubble wrap. It was invented as a wallpaper in the 1950s."

- fuzzysarge

"Just mist down your windows with plain water and the bubble wrap just sticks by itself."

"I didn't know this trick when I had to make a bathroom more private. As a stopgap, I just sprayed the windows with fake Christmas snow."

- RedditZamak

For Surgical Purposes

"K-Y Jelly was originally developed as a surgical lubricant."

- JiveChicken00

Fixes Everything

"Duct tape. Works on everything but ducts. (They make a special tape for that, and it’s not called duct tape.)"

- ImpliedSlashS

From War to Screen Doors

"WD-40 was originally created to stop nuclear missiles from rusting."

- ShoopufJockey

Great for Kids Crafts

"I want to say pool noodles. I see a new craft for them weekly and rarely see them actually in a pool."

- gigieileen

Baking Powder Uses

"Not 'rarely used' per se, but the amount of baking powder not used for baking things is quite high."

- DayOk6350

"You can use it to instantly set super glue and create a stronger bond that is as hard as plastic and nowhere near as brittle as a regular superglue bonding."

- Happy-Personality-23

The Question Is In the Name

"Glove compartment in a car. Who actually has gloves in them? I think they are a throwback to when people had driving gloves."

- Urbanredneck2

Yardstick Purpose

"Yardsticks."

- procrastinatorsuprem

"When I was in school, all the teacher ever used it for was to smack the chalkboard to get everybody's attention when the class was acting up."

- Rich_handsome

"We use it to push the button on the smoke alarm, get spider webs on the ceiling, and every once in a while measure how deep a snow storm is."

- procrastinatorsuprem

Treadmill... Closets

"Treadmills at home."

"Or any exercising equipment at home... ends up being a clothes holder."

- shubidoobie

Mouths Instead

"Listerine was originally sold as a floor cleaner."

- mtgkajhit

"Listerine was one of those products which was marketed to do literally anything to do with clearing."

"It was also used as a medical antiseptic during surgery."

- Woffingshire

Great for Crafts

"Pipe cleaners."

"Does that count if they’re called “chenille stems”, brightly colored, and for sale alongside kids’ craft supplies?"

"Because if that does count, so should Play-Doh. It was originally invented to clean wallpaper, but once kids started playing with it (it had been nontoxic from the beginning IIRC) they changed the marketing and sold it in lots of colors."

- DBSeamZ

Cell Phones

"Mobile phones, used for anything, except for making phone calls."

- FatCat_85

"Mobile phones are used for their intended purposes, but that purpose has just changed over time."

- Reddit

These products are all a great example of how products can have multiple purposes, which technically means we can have fewer items in our homes, which means fewer things to clean!

And if cleaning the floor is a concern, apparently we can use the Listerine... while brushing our teeth. Who knew?

Stacked burger
Lefteris kallergis/GettyImages

The food industry is highly competitive with restaurants duking it out to stay relevant.

They do this by presenting diners a spin or a gimmick on classic entrees.

While some eateries succeed by a wide margin, many fail by coming up with bizarre dishes that may seem inventive but fall flat on the palate.

This just goes to show that you shouldn't mess with what already works. But playing it safe is just bad for business, though. Right?

Well, customers chimed in when RedditorFremblem_Feldsher asked:

"What is the most overrated dish in the world?"

Some people thought gourmet burgers were all hype and in bad taste.

Bigger Isn't Better

"'Gourmet' burgers. You pay top dollar and get a burger that's difficult to eat (stacked to high and falls apart) and where there's so much attention to toppings you can hardly taste the beef and cheese."

"Anything made with truffle oil gets an honorable mention."

– Treantmonk

Too Many Toppings

"$18, tall, stacked, giant burgers slathered in fifteen different condiments and toppings. They're hard to eat and usually not as good as a simple burger."

– hiro111

"Burgers should be wider not taller. I don't want to take a single bite only to lose half the toppings from the other side."

– ProphetOfPhil

Not Lovin' It

"Knife and fork burgers are bullsh*t. I hate the feeling of having to rush through eating my burger because my hands and gave are slathered in sauce."

"If it's stacked and/or messy af, it's not a good burger, even if it tastes good. It's some kind of knife and fork entree but definitely not a burger."

– FictionalContext

Sometimes people want something sweet without going over the top.

Identity Crisis

"It’s not a dish, but those milkshakes that you see that have chocolate all over the glass and a giant piece of cake on top. Ruins the milkshake with the crumbs mixing into it, and honestly could of put the cake on a plate and let us eat it normally".

– Meckles94

Dough-Not Want It

"Donuts from places known for 'cRaZy' donuts. The most 'extreme' donuts I’ve ever had were the most mediocre. They tasted like somebody put stale cereal on top of grocery store donuts."

– cppadam

Behind The Scenes

"I work with a guy whose wife runs her own bakery. He told me that most of the places selling donuts these days don't actually make their own donuts. They buy pre-made dough that is uncooked. Then the places doctor them up. Hence, the stale cereal on grocery store donuts taste. It's because that's exactly what they are."

"Apparently, making multiple types of all homemade donuts is a lot of work. I go to a Mennonite bakery at a farmers market who make all of their own stuff, dough and all. They are legit working from before they open until after they close."

– qotsa_gibs

A Big Twist...And Not The Glazed Kind

"There's a place in Niagara Falls called Country Fresh Donuts and they've got some of the best donuts I've ever had. Their long johns are the stars of the show, but their other donuts are also super good."

"Big twist? They excel at wonton soup. Anyone who goes there goes for the soup first, donuts later. It helps that they're open 24 hours a day (or, they were at one point). 3am wonton soup and a donut is mana from heaven."

– SimonCallahan

Mini Cakes

"Cupcakes during their 2009-2014 reign of terror."

– JonathanWattsAuthor

"With the icing piled so high it would go up your nose"

– Live_Reindeer7833

Not everyone fancies a fancy meal.

History Of Lobster

"Lobsters used to be peasant food - they literally fed it to prisoners. It's weird how things change, but like most things it just comes down to supply and demand."

"Lobster is quite hard to farm so, although it's not a hard-to-come-by food unless you're very far from the sea, there is still a bit more effort required in producing them. Couple that with their image as a 'luxury' seafood, which increases demand, and you get high prices."

– fantalemon

Not Worth The Hype

"Any steak from Salt Bae’s restaurants."

– WishboneCrazy9289

"Controversial but I think steak in general is overrated. I love steak and have some really good servings in nice places but I still think it isn’t as good as people go on about."

– itsyaboigreg

How Posh

"Expensive food with gold shavings. What's that about? Do you eat it to feel rich and powerful or something? I'm sure gold doesn't taste very good and is not normally supposed to be eaten."

– thegreatc*msl*t

"You can buy the gold foil on its own and it's cheaper than you'd expect (still expensive)"

"After trying on on its own, I can say gold is one of the lower ranking metals that I've tasted. Silver, stainless steel, and titanium all taste better. I'd put gold in the same tier as copper, above aluminum."

"Edit: to explain how I know this, someone asked me for advice on different types of silverware and I had to try it out myself before recommending anything. The copper is an exception as that was a dare."

– Notbbupdate

I see the appeal for Instagramming food, but if the beautiful food items photographed in portrait mode are making me salivate, they better deliver on my taste buds.

I actually patronized a diner that advertised an amazing pancake dish that had caramel sauce with crushed pecan and whipped cream. The idea looked better on paper.

When I order the breakfast delight in question, it looked nothing like how it was pictured. It was flat, messy, and undesirable.

And of course it tasted horrible. I was a sucker for that damn Instagram post.

Sometimes food is all hype. That's the worst kind, especially if you're a sucker like me and you fall for it.

As children, when we saw grown-ups behave in certain ways, we more than likely promised ourselves we would never be like them.

That we would never lose our temper at minor things, groan over the slightest ache in our bodies, or choose work over fun.

However, when adulthood creeps up on us, certain things about the person you become you have little to no control over.

As a result, you might find yourself screaming at children for being too noisy or going to bed at 9:15 instead of seeing a midnight screening of your favorite movie and realizing that you have become the very thing you've been trying to avoid your entire life.

Redditor UglyLikeCaillou was curious to hear what type of person the Reddit community ended up becoming, despite vowing they wouldn't, leading them to ask:

"What type of person did you swear to never turn into growing up, but did anyway?"

Letting It Out Can Ease The Pain...

"The one that makes noises when I get up off the floor."- tutohooto

The Wise Know The Vital Importance Of Being Silly

"I swore I’d never stop being goofy."

"That I’d always try to find the positive and wouldn’t give up hope."

"But then life happened."

"It’s hard staying an emotionally sensitive and caring person when so many people are just plain mean."- Lucky_Garbage5537

It's Possible, Even In A Room Full Of People...

"I never thought I would grow up to be so lonely, but here I am."- oldbaldgrumpy

Sad Season 2 GIF by FriendsGiphy

Temper Temper...

"An angry person."

"Life and people are just too much all the time."-Jumpy-Air-3385

Some Call It Frugal, Others Call It Cheap....

"The kind that put something back cause the store brand was 20 cents cheaper."- penndelnj

A Far Too Common Occurrence

"I never thought I'd live paycheck to paycheck by my age."

"I thought I'd be on my way to being financially independent by now, in fact."

"It's always been my goal, I was willing to work so hard from such a young age and never scared to make sacrifices but unfortunately my people-reader is skewed and all I ever really got was taken advantage of."

"It's not too late, I'm smarter now and I'll get there."- FriendCountZero

2 Chainz Pockets GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphy

Working Hard For The Money...

"A corporate slave."- lapdanze

"My dad was an engineer and I vowed to never be like him in any way."

"Growing up, I always said over my dead body would i become a corporate slave chained to a desk."

"Guess who is a desk jockey engineer now."- Lame_usernames_left

Watch Your Mouth!

"If my child self met my adult self, he’d tell me that I shouldn’t say so many bad words."- BarthRevan

The Apple Doesn't Fall Very Far From The Tree...

"My dad."- PolarBearChuck

"The most relatable one, nobody wants to become their parents, it’s horrible (unless you have good parents)."- Fine-Macaroon-3202

season 2 episode 6 GIFGiphy

The Comfort Of Your Own Home...

"A homebody."

"In my early 20’s I would never miss an opportunity to go out on Thurs, Friday, or Sat night and couldn’t understand why my parents would ‘waste’ a perfectly good weekend night, just to stay home."

"Now I get it. MAN, do I get it."

Derogatory Term, Or Term Of Endearment?

"I remember learning what a nerd was and thinking 'thank God I'm not a nerd' as I went home from school to play Pokemon Emerald and talk on Pokemon message boards about the upcoming Diamond and Pearl games."- hectoByte

Early To Bed, Early To Rise

"The dad that gets up at 4:30 am to exercise, and is ready for bed by 9 pm."- GreyPilgrim1973

Work Out Pain GIF by I Want You Back MovieGiphy

Beauty Comes In All Sizes...

"Overweight."

"Not super big, but not skinny anymore."- hoosierhiver

One Can Indeed Be The Loneliest Number...

"Crotchety, single old lady."

"I'm only sometimes crotchety, but I'm almost fifty and still single!"- GimmeUrNachos

Love What You Do! If You Can...

"An office drone."

"Redditing as we speak to avoid looking at yet another ghastly eyesore of a spreadsheet.'

"Why have we done this to ourselves as a civilization?"- onemanmelee

Still Waiting Office Tv GIF by The OfficeGiphy

Growing up can be scary, hence why we always promise ourselves we won't turn out a certain way.

Even so, some things about the type of person we grow up to be are completely out of our control.

And rather than bemoan our current situation, it's always best to embrace it and enjoy the precious time we have on Earth with our family and friends.

And maybe cut our parents a little slack for the behavior we judged them so harshly on as children...

My aunt and her ex-fiance were often hailed as the gold standard by my family when it came to romantic relationships. They were perfect for one another and had the healthiest relationship most of us had ever seen. My cousins and I all hoped to emulate their relationship someday.

Then, the marriage we'd all been looking forward to was called off.

Why? My aunt liked to hang toilet paper "over" (which is the right way), and her ex-fiance liked to hang toilet paper "under." When her ex-fiance replaced the toilet paper, my aunt would be annoyed that the toilet paper was hung under, and would complain, but that's where it ended.

When my aunt replaced the toilet paper, her ex-fiance would go so far as to change the position of the toilet paper every time he used their bathroom, and she couldn't take it anymore.

My cousins were so confused. That seemed like a ridiculous reason to call off a wedding. Being a few years older than most of them, I knew realistically, their issues were less about toilet paper and more about the fact my aunt's ex wasn't willing to compromise. However, the party line was that the wedding was called off because of the toilet paper, and to this day, we still tease my aunt about it (who, by the way, found another man, and has been happily married to him for 12 years).

Redditors know people who have called off their own weddings for absurd reasons and are eager to share the stories.

It all started when Redditor AnuragSlNGH asked:

"What's the most absurd reason you've heard of someone cancelling their marriage?"

Prophecy

"One of my friends was engaged and is Catholic. Her husband had to convert and he had a dream where he was in a Catholic Church but not getting married, he was a priest. So he had a vision of becoming a priest and now the wedding is off."

– Southern-Pay9792

All About The Money

"I was going to be a guest at a wedding and found out it was canceled 2 weeks before the date. The bride found out that the groom had gotten a significant discount on the price of the venue and she was insanely angry that anything at her wedding cost less than premium."

"Keep in mind, this was her dream venue that she had chosen. She was just mad that her fiancé was “cheap”. Or something."

"I was never super close to either of them, but the last I heard they never ended up getting married."

– NotSureWhatThePlanIs

"Guy dodged a bullet there."

– thefman

"No doubt, my wife and I high-fived when we got a discount on our venue."

– Old_Employer2183

What's In A Name?

"My cousin called it off 3 days in advance because the bride and groom couldn't agree on whether to hyphenate their last names, or use his."

"In retrospect, there was a significant class/ culture divide of which that was merely one symptom."

– thefuzzybunny1

"I used to work with a guy whose last name was West. When he married a woman with the last name Wild, she said she was happy to take his name. He told her that she was insane, and they were not under any circumstances passing up the opportunity to be the Wild West family."

– transluscent_emu

Ban 4

"They realized after everything was already planned, invites sent out etc. that they didn't like the date. They moved it to 2025 so there wouldn't be a 4 in their wedding date."

– MarkmcZack

"Their kids are just gonna jump straight from 3 to 5."

– TripodTheSuperCat

Yikes!

"Bride cancelled the wedding a week before because she was a hardcore disney adult and she was offered a temp job at disney and felt she "couldnt miss the opportunity of her dreams.""

"We live quite a few states away from disney and she said she couldnt do the long distance. Really she just wanted to party like a frat bro in Florida without any repercussions."

"She made a "songs to have sex to" playlist on their shared spotify a few days after they broke up. It absolutely crushed him."

– Reddit

"Oh man, what a sh*tty chick."

"Sounds like he dodged a bullet in the long run, but that must have hurt a ton at the time."

– Sunshine030209

Where's The Ring?

"My friend's former fiancé was a nice dude. Firefighter, easy to talk to, treated her well and got her a nice ring. Every now and then the ring would go missing but he would eventually find it, safe and sound."

"She had a good job, too, and was giving him thousands of dollars a month to fix up a house they had bought to live in after they'd gotten married."

"Turns out, dude was living two lives or attempting to at the very least: he's married for 10+ years and had two kids, the engagement ring was his wife's and he stole it back every now and then to "find" it for her. There was never a house, he never bought one, and used all the thousands he had been given solely on cocaine."

"Needless to say, they cancelled the wedding."

– Zenthoor

Last Minute Non-Planning

"They did nothing."

"They picked a date, sent mails with it to invite people. And then did nothing until a week before said date."

"Of course they could not rent the venue they wanted nor find another one. They couldn't find caterer, dresses etc on time."

"But also, legally, they couldn't get married in such short notice."

"So, they cancelled the wedding, and will get married later."

"It's been 5 years. They're still not married."

– Marawal

"kinda sounds like they're made for each other, lol."

– alohamoraFTW

Worst Prank Ever

"The best man said in his speech that he slept with the bride about 2 weeks before the wedding. All hell broke loose. The groom demanded that the marriage be cancelled. It took a few days to get the truth out & for the groom to finally listen. The best man thought it be a great prank. The groom was apologetic to the bride, but she didn’t forgive him. Because he believed in others’ lies & won’t let her talk."

"He is a big AH. While hunting for the truth, found out best man has a history of sleeping with groom’s past GFs & crushes. Still trying to figure out why groom stayed friends with this AH. Awhile ago, bride found out groom is still friends with AH."

– RottweilerBridesmaid

What God Says Goes

"My uncle and ex aunt called off the wedding because “God told them to wait” a month before the wedding. They lived across the country so my parents had to fly with three children under 10 years old and the tickets were non-refundable. My uncle called my dad with the new date, about 6 months after the original date."

"My mom called him later and when he asked if we would be coming to the wedding she said that she spoke to god and he told her to bring her kids to Disney instead. My parents still joke about it today and my uncle divorced that wife a year or two later. Happy ending though, he married his best friend about a decade later and they are truly perfect for eachother. She really is a wonderful woman and we couldn’t be happier for them."

– Big_Meesh_

I Wouldn't Give Money Either

"They didn't have enough donations from friends and family."

"They set a date, and when they sent out the invitations, they included a line stating invitations returned without the required minimum would not get seated in the hall, another not allowed into the wedding. The bride and groom would make an appearance outside in the parking lot so they could have a chance to congratulate them, though."

"They received... $0.00!"

"Why? Their minimum was $100. $250 if you wanted food. $500 included "cake service." For alcohol $50 got you 6 drink tickets, and I think the cheapest drink was 2 tickets, and some were 10."

– Demorant

The Future's In The Food

"My Italian uncle canceled his wedding because the bride's family (not Italian) would not serve lasagna at the wedding reception."

"He ended up marrying an Irish woman whose family was okay with serving lasagna at the reception."

– rockyroadicecreamlov

"This actually seems reasonable to me. It doesn't have to be about lasagna but about communication, compromise, and treating the groom as an equal partner. It's indicative of what the entire relationship might be like."

– metmerc

Yup, sounds about right.