Couples With Vastly Different Sex Drives Explain How They Cope
Even the most passionate couples can hit a snag in their relationship when it comes to bedroom activities.
Sometimes it's just bad timing. A person in the coupling could have had an exhausting day at work or they may not be in "the mood" for some action. It could be nothing.
But when couples are perpetually experiencing this slump, it could be an indication of a deeper problem.
So how do those with opposing sex drives deal with the situation?
Redditor red_darrow99 sought answers from strangers online and asked:
"People with sex drives way higher than their partners…How do you handle it?"
Like with many issues in a relationship, it all starts with being communicative to resolve them.
"I have a relatively high sex drive, but my new partner has a lot more than I do, so for the first time I've had to say sorry, not feeling it, I felt like I failed her."
"But I communicated it to her and she understood and I think that's as healthy as it gets."
Identifying The Conflict
"We talk about it and don’t play games about it. Neither one of us are embarrassed. I (f) have the higher drive than he does and he is very physically affectionate and lovey but there’s no mixed signals. I admit when we were first together, rejection didn’t feel great but I find that really talking with him openly and looking at this from an 'us vs the problem' instead of a 'me vs him' problem is something we are strong with."
":It’s easy to feel like it’s you versus your partner, especially with a bit of a bruised ego (which is fair to have). I learned to enjoy the cuddling and touching and kissing but really pay attention to the signs he gives. There are some things he will only do if he seems like there could be a chance for him to get into the mood."
"Absolutely this. It's all about transparency, but I think you need to have this level of transparency very early on in the relationship, otherwise these kind of future problems can be very difficult to navigate. Talk to your partner. Be open and honest early on in any relationship."
Some Redditors found a solution.
Relieving The Tension
"I’ve read that some people use sex to ease tensions in their life (me). Other people need to have tensions eased BEFORE having sex (my wife). So what I have been doing is easing those tensions for my wife before initiating such as cleaning, laundry, dishes, bills, etc. It eases her mind and makes it easier for her to get in the mood. Also, its good for our relationship anyway. That’s my advice. No guarantee that it will work, but it helps in my case!"
There's Always The Consolation Prize
"You take matters into your own hands."
"If she likes to read tell her to start reading smutty novels. Holy f'king sh*t."
"My wife and I have been together 20+ years. Super high sex drives for first 15 years for both of us, basically until kids."
"Then her drive just dipped pretty low. Then she started reading these books and sometimes I can't even keep up."
"I read one of them and it's ridiculous. I don't get it, story sucked, writing sucked, but it definitely put me in the mood. And her too."
"She doesn't like to watch porn and life as a mom / worker / wife is just stressful. Reading is relaxing. Reading puts her in the mood while relaxing. Win win."
Understanding His Perspective
"I never try to force my boyfriend or beg him to have sex. We just chill, and he initiates if he is actually in the mood cause lord knows I am always ready LOL. Otherwise, I take care of myself."
"It definitely hasn't been easy. I am like a once everyday kind of person minimum. My boyfriend is a once every couple of months, maybe. If he's really stressed out at work it can be a while. I felt very rejected at first and unattractive. But I had to understand it from his perspective. To him, it's not important and when you're stressed unimportant things go on the back burner. For me, it's a stress reliever so the more stressed I am the more I want it. Just like when someone people are depressed they eat, but when other people are depressed they'll starve themselves. Everyone is different."
People continued sharing their experiences.
Check The Testosterone Level
"My wife has had the same issue. She wants to be more intimate, but it doesn’t come naturally, and I’m very sensitive to her feelings. One thing to check is her testosterone level. Women actually need a healthy testosterone level for procreation, and it can be suppressed by a number of reasons. For us, it was breastfeeding."
It's Not Personal...Sometimes
"It's frustrating and disheartening. I have to work really hard not to take it personally or as a sign that he's not attracted to me. I don't initiate at all anymore because the rejection really hurts."
"The beginning of our relationship was filled daily with it. 7 years later and we go 10+months between each time. I'm not handling it I'm slowly breaking.."
Marriage Might Not Be The Right Answer
"I have a high sex drive, I am very affectionate, and I create opportunities for intimacy. My fiancé is now the exact opposite, coming up on a year of communicating my needs and feelings with no feedback other than 'just not interested or not feeling it' then she goes back to her phone (little world). It’s clearly depression. A year of pecks on the cheek for kisses, and that’s it."
"I’ve asked, pleaded, and begged for her to call a Dr. To seek some help. But it’s just been excuse after excuse."
"I do love her. I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me. I can’t force her to seek help when she doesn’t feel there’s an issue."
"I can feel resentment growing as I debate whether I’d be happier just with a dog in my life. At least then I’d have another being wanting to go for a walk with me and spend time with me."
Ignoring the problem won't make it go away.
Have those hard conversations and find solutions or make compromises together.
That's if the relationship is important to you.
People Explain Which Things They Couldn't Live Without Once They Tried Them
They say ignorance is bliss, and there is truth to that statement.
Whether it involves trying a new fashion fad, type of food, or starting a new activity that spikes your endorphins, it's to go back to the way things were prior to experiencing them.
It's like opening Pandora's Box. The joy of discovery is exciting, but it also has the potential to consume you.
Curious to hear from strangers online who were unable to get the toothpaste back into the tube, Redditor Kapuishon88 asked:
"What’s something you can’t live without once you’ve tried it?"
Computer-related activity is addictive.
"Started in 1983 before I had reliable memories of anything. It's been a daily obsession since then."
"Original Zelda. Level 1. 32 years ago. Resistance was futile."
Opening Up The Periphery
"A second monitor."
The following involve the things that make life easier.
"For me it’s noise canceling headphones."
"A decent income."
Preference For The Dark
"Blackout curtains for me. The noise-cancelling headphones of light."
"Quality underwear / socks."
It's a hygienic thing.
The Perfect Backsplash
"Was gonna say the same. I explain to people that once you use one, you'll feel like a peasent when you wipe your a** with TP."
"Baby wipes. Damn, they are good at cleaning up so many things! The kids are 10 and 15 now and we still buy them by the case. Clean the counters, clean your shoes, get stains out of your clothes, bring them with you when you go eat ribs. Better than a napkin. Clean the table. Clean the desk. Clean the island. Wipe up the spill."
I have to agree about bidets being a life-changing discovery.
Ever since I was a kid going to visit my relatives in Japan and noticing virtually every toilet having a built-in spray 'n wash button, I was like, "Why doesn't America have these wondrous devices installed in every toilet?"
Not only is it super satisfying, it saves trees.
Most of us love animals and take stock of other people's pets. Some people have a better chance of remembering another person's pet's name than the person themselves.
Part of that allure has to do with the fun and creative names that many people come up with for their pets.
The Redditor, who has since deleted their account, asked:
"What is the best pet's name you've ever heard?"
The Autobots Would Be Proud
"I had a friend once who had a bunny named Hoptimus Prime."
Extra Hoppy Beer
"I live in northern Colorado which has a pretty big craft beer scene. One of our biggest and most popular breweries is Odell Brewing."
"One of my coworkers named her dog Odell because he had three legs which, in her words, made him extra hoppy."
At the Race Track
"I once heard of a race horse named Thunderbritches!"
From the 'Tragedy of Julius Caesar'
"I had a friend who had a 14-foot python as a pet named Julius Squeezer."
An Ode to Eminem
"My wife's fish was named Swim Shady."
Such a Giant, Cuddly Dog
"An Old English Sheepdog named 'Woolly.'"
Not Like the Movies
"My cat's name, he's named 'Gremlin'."
"A lot of people believe the movies were the inspiration, I just wanted to give my cat a weird but cute name."
What a Tongue-Twister
"My guinea pig was Wanda Wilhelmina Wobblebottom."
Tiny But Mighty
"A Redditor once posted a photo of their little, black kitten named Admiral Anchovies."
"That is all."
"A little pug named Barbecue, or perhaps a corgi mutt with eyebrows named Party Time."
Adorable Stage Names
"I still love the name Kitty Purry (Katy Perry's cat)."
"Someone in the 'backyardchickens' subReddit named one of their girls Attila the Hen."
A Name Upgrade
"A friend of a friend had a cat named Snack."
"Eventually, Snack had a few too many snacks, and they started calling him Meal."
Sounds Like a Big Boy
"A French bulldog called Tankerbell."
A Fair Question
"Between Chairman Meow and Benito Meowsolini, uh, there are a lotta cats with dictator names. What's next, Meowseph Stalin? Kitler?"
"Then again, cats are all wannabe dictators..."
Not only are some of these names hilarious, but these pet owners were on high creative alert when they named their furry loved ones.
Whether or not to bring children into the world is a very personal decision.
While there are many arguments as to why anyone should, or shouldn't have children, it's not a decision for other people to make for you.
Some people dream of being a parent since they were children themselves, and can't wait to shower their own children with love.
While others always dreamed of having children, but for one reason or another, it simply never worked out.
Then there are those who never saw children as part of their life plan and don't feel any kind of void without having children in their lives.
"Why don't you have kids and/or do not plan on having kids?"
Don't Want Them Enough
"I just don't feel like I want it badly enough, and one should really want to have a child in order to be able to give their 100% as a parent, every child deserves that."- SignificantFunny1523
Prefer A Good Night's Sleep
"I love sleep."
"I get up when I'm being paid to get up but otherwise my great and immediate joy is sleeping until I don't feel like sleeping anymore."
"I much prefer sleep to children."- DamnIGottaJustSay
How Long Have You Got?
"Why do I plan not to have children?"
"'unrolls a list that's miles long...'"- HagBasket
"This curse ends with me."- DaveTheRoper
Too Short A Fuse...
"Don’t have the patience for kids."- Leoimirmir
When Weighing The Pros And Cons...
"I don't see the upsides."- igna92ts
Plain And Simple
"I don’t want to be a parent."
"That’s a perfectly valid reason."- AllyriaCelene
"Kids are great if you don’t like money or sleep."- ComplicationOnRS
"Clean house, financial comfort, ability to travel/leave the house whenever we want to."- Dear-Cockroach4589
Knowing What's Best For Yourself
"The whole process seems incredibly painful and difficult."
"I'd f*ck my kids up."
"I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style as a result of my toxic parents."
"I wouldn't be able to properly parent."
"I'm incredibly inpatient and would change my mind 3 months in, if I even made it through the whole pregnancy.'
"I want freedom."
"Having kids means being available and responsible."
"I am not and will not be these things."
"I wanna live for me, live to enjoy life, and I most definitely won't enjoy having kids."
"The world is overpopulated and f*cked."
"I don't see any point in bringing more people to this world."
"I have more reasons but these are my top 5."- mayo_nnais3
"Because I am scared of being a bad parent."
"I can't bring a life in this world just to screw it."
"Thanks for f*cking me up Narc dad."- WaywardRoads
"To quote Homer Simpson 'aww I have 3 kids and no money. I wish I had 3 money and no kids'."
"I like my lifestyle."
"I am starting a 'college fund", but instead of paying for a 3-year degree I’m going to blow it on a looooonnngggg vacation."- timberwolf0122
"Cost of raising a kid, and the lifelong stress of raising a kid."- Typical_Conclusion_5
There are those who might call people selfish for not wanting children for the reasons listed above.
Perhaps these reasons are selfish, but on the other hand, they know they would not be able to give a child the attention, love, and support they would need.
It's the people who know this and have children anyway who might be considered the selfish ones.
People Explain Which Piece Of Information They've Learned That Almost Feels Illegal To Know
Everyone loves a juicy secret or insider knowledge.
From knowing about a secret love affair happening between colleagues to understanding how to cheat the system when booking a table at a hot restaurant.
There are times, however, when holding onto a valuable piece of knowledge comes with a fair share of stress.
Indeed, sometimes knowing something which isn't common knowledge to everyone feels like it could get you in pretty serious trouble.
Almost as if the simple act of knowing what you do was illegal.
"What piece of information did you learn, that feels illegal to know?
"Sometimes you can play around with URLs and find clean copies of watermarked previews."
"Helps a lot when trying to learn a song that you don’t have sheet music for."- funkycat75Sheet Music Animation GIFGiphy
Not Illegal To Know, But Possibly Illegal To Use
"You can order maintenance keys on Amazon for most models of coin op laundry machines."- Reddit
"You can buy many keys online."
"Among them are:"
"There's the Ford fleet keys, which can get you into cops cars."
"There's firefighter and maintenance elevator keys which let you control elevators."
"You can turn them off, or turn it to fire evacuation mode (it just goes to main floor and is then unusable) and even firefighter/maintenance mode which the elevator will only go where you want it to go.''
"It won't stop at other floors to pick up other people."
"Keys for bulldozers, backhoes, and other heavy equipment."
"Often one key will open many models from the same manufacturer."
"There's also something called a Lishi Tool."
"It can be used to pick locks, but it's also set you to tell you the position of each pin in the lock."
"That allows you to have another key cut from code (useful if you lose your keys and don't want to replace the whole lock.)"
"And of course, handcuff keys."
"I've used a real handcuff keys in toy cuffs, so I'd imagine toy keys could work in real handcuffs."
"Generally these would all be legal to own (except the Lishi which is a type of lockpick and has various legalities around the US.)"
"All you need is an internet connection, a credit card to pay for it and an address to send it to."- David2022Wallacediy colour GIFGiphy
I Mean, They Weren't Going To Use Them...
'If you go to the plant section of a store and walk around, you will likely find a few clippings on the ground."
"You can pick those up and take them home with you and stick them in some dirt and illegally download a plant for free."- periyyas
Can Delete The File, Not The Info
"One time I received an email from my boss with an attachment that he clearly didn’t mean to send."
"It was an Excel file showing the compensation of everyone in my extended department."
"I gawked at it for a few minutes before he showed up at my desk."
"He made me delete it while he watched.'
"He couldn’t delete it from my brain though."- DWright_5shift gmail GIF by Product HuntGiphy
Good To Know, I Guess?
"If you use a natural gas then fire fighters will think it was a gas leak whereas if you use something like gasoline, it leaves identifiable burn marks."- Crash_Junior-
A Helpful Glitch
"Doesn't seem to work anymore, but there was a restaurant chain app that I realized that after I had used rewards points that gave me $6 off one of my orders."
"My usual order was about $12, so about half off."
"I then noticed next time if I selected re-order previous order it would still include that $6 off every time, even though I had nowhere near the rewards points to keep getting that amount off, it just copied all the specifics of the previous order."- turkeysandwich1982
"En passant."- Normal_Public3520Chess GIF by NETFLIXGiphy
Always Look For The Loophole
"In Australia, no electrical apprentice can work within 600mm of green domes ( where houses are connected to underground power) but you can work as close as you want if you don't have any electrical license."- thorpie88
When You're Dealing With Something Bigger Than The Law...
"Jury nullification is something every U.S. citizen should know about."
"Disseminating information about it could actually lead to charges being pressed in certain circumstances, so it kinda is illegal at times."- Mrgoodtrips64
When You Don't Feel Like Paying
"You can just create a new email and extend your trial limit."- HolyFire-Giphy
...Make Friends With A Gardener?...
'In Brazil, it's not illegal to consume and grow hallucinogens mushrooms though it's illegal to sell them."- MuriloJCD
It's always exciting to hold on to secrets or privileged information.
And all the trouble it has the potential to get you into might make it only more exciting.