Couples Reveal How They Overcome Awkward Obstacles In Their Relationships
Couples Reveal How They Overcome Awkward Obstacles In Their Relationships[rebelmouse-image 18347564 is_animated_gif=
At a baseline, bringing two people together creates an inherently different environment for the two individuals to deal with. And then jealousy can easily rear its ugly head. Love is a great equalizer, but the awkward obstacles still have to be surmounted.
So an anonymous Reddit user appropriately came with the question:
Couples with a very significant achievement gap, be it academic, professional, financial, intellectual, or any other you can think of that may fit, how do you live with each other without feeling like two aliens?
And the internet came back with good advice.
Team Players[rebelmouse-image 18347565 is_animated_gif=
I have 2 degrees and work as a lawyer. My husband never finished uni but has a job that he loves. He's a great father and husband. It doesn't really matter that I earn more than him because it's all just family money. We're both working hard and supporting each other and our kids.
Finding someone that you respect as a person is way more important than the status bullsh-t of degrees and cash. I'd take my husband over a hundred high earners. Just because he didn't get a piece of paper doesn't mean that he's not intelligent, and just because he doesn't earn as much doesn't mean he's not successful. Without his support I'm sure I wouldn't be where I am.
Just find someone who wants to be in your team. Forget keeping score.
The Shared Plan[rebelmouse-image 18347566 is_animated_gif=
I think being fair and honest with each other and taking care of which areas of the relationship you are better suited/equipped to do. The whole idea of a relationship to me is that you're better off combined than as individuals.
For example: in our relationship I work in IT and she's a teacher. I make four times what she does so we split all bills etc. by that ratio. She contributes in a meaningful but manageable way. I pay for most of the "extra" expenses (e.g. holidays) and I bought her a laptop, but she doesn't feel like a kid as she's still involved in the majority of "living expenses" expenditure (and it's not my home, it's ours).
Alternatively, she's at least 374 times smarter than I am and far better educated (bilingual with a top-tier Uni education). She makes the decisions around things like housing (her dad's an architect so she knows what's what) plus things like education for our future kids, as that's obviously an area she knows far more about than me.
The guilt of me knowing she works longer hours and is smarter but makes way less than me is a bit hard to stomach sometimes. I was lucky to fall into an industry which is in demand and has good rewards. We were both pretty poor when we met, so that helps.
Overall though, we have a shared long-term plan - the details of how we get there are less important. My success is her success, and vice versa.
Mutual Respect[rebelmouse-image 18347567 is_animated_gif=
I have a doctorate in my field and make almost 200k more than my husband yearly. He helped me get through school and pretty much raised our children on his own while I climbed up the ladder. It wasn't just my achievement, it was ours. I don't know many men that would have sacrificed as much as he did. Our marriage is strong because of mutual respect and admiration. If that doesn't exist, I don't see how the relationship can work.
Achievement Is Not A Factor[rebelmouse-image 18347568 is_animated_gif=
She has a very technical degree in a small field, and so she makes approximately twofold as much as I do. Fortunately, all that means is we, as a couple, do alright. Personal achievement isn't a defining factor in our relationship. What we do at work, what we did during school, personally, wasn't really a part of who we are. It's actually kind of weird to think that other people might view that as 'alien'.
Treat Them Like Your Equal[rebelmouse-image 18347569 is_animated_gif=
I make 2x what she makes. She refuses to let me pay her half of stuff so I'm basically just saving half of what I make because doing stuff alone is boring and I have to fit her budget. Lucky for her I love her so she is just saving for retirement by making me save. (She loves her job so I'll probably retire at 60 and do my own projects while she keeps working.)
Find Common Ground[rebelmouse-image 18347571 is_animated_gif=
I'm a cook. She's a doctor. We are both intelligent, share the same interests and love each other as people. Also, there's honestly more in common between the ER folks and Kitchen folks then I would have ever imagined. Both professions drink and smoke too much, cuss too much and generally f-cking hate people.
Complements[rebelmouse-image 18347573 is_animated_gif=
It's a partnership as much as a relationship. Love can't keep you together, but honest, kind, communication can. Part of being a partner is absorbing your partners bad days, and helping celebrate success.
My wife has a Phd. I have a high school diploma. She works for a really great job. I'm a stay at home dad. She's always out earned me (rightfully so. I'd be upset for her if I were making more in retail than she is with a phd).
I never put much thought to it. In her field she knows her sh-t inside and out, as you'd expect. But she can't cook, clean, or do yard work for sh-t. To the point I can't wrap my head around it. How you do char boiled eggs? Our talents and success are ours, but they complement each other. Even if we weren't married, we would be a good team.
Honesty it's only as hard as maintaining a happy marriage. Not that it's easy, but you use the same tools.
If you do feel resentment, you're gonna have to learn to let it go. Do that by finding out why you have resentment. Once you find out why, you may find out you can't ever change it and the opportunity you're pining for is gone forever. Gotta let it go. Whatever the problem is, you're gonna have to let it go. You can't live in resentment forever, and it'll fester and infect the rest of the relationship. Let it go.
It's A Partnership[rebelmouse-image 18347575 is_animated_gif=
I spent 30 years doing computer systems work and had some pretty high paying positions, as well as achieving a pretty high degree of personal and professional success.
My wife mostly babysat during the time our kids were growing up then had a pretty good career with the government although she never got very high, not starting till she was over 40.
She did express some jealousy on occasion at how "smart" I was and how well I was doing but I never, ever made that an issue. We're a team, she took care of the kids, I brought in the moola.
I've heard of people who think marriages are supposed to be 50/50 but that is so much bullsh-t, it's not even technically possible. Marriage is no a contest, like I said, it's a partnership, two people working toward a common goal. Sometimes you give more, something they give more, it's not worth worrying about.
We Love Each Other For More Than Our Gaps[rebelmouse-image 18347579 is_animated_gif=
We love each for other reasons than the key gap. So in the end we get past this.
Gap - she has an MSc Management - I have no degree and did not go to university.
Gap 2 - she is a lady of leisure - I work and earn a lot of money with no degree.
The only time it becomes an issue is talking about future child's education. She is adamant that we force our kid into university. I am against the forcing - if kid wants university great. If kid would rather do a private professional qualification/ apprenticeship then ok.
I am only going to stop my child from "doing nothing that could better their life".
Wife hates that, I think she sees it as a dig at her saying her degree is not worth anything. She is not from the UK so can't understand even after marrying me how a lot of people can excel in the UK without degrees.
So we either argue about it infrequently or do not talk about it. Tbh there is no point in talking about it until we have a sense of what child and their abilities they have.
Apart from that - we enjoy lots of the same things and share the same views and have the same life goals - our own home, a child, a pet, travelling to see the world a new place each year, taking care of Our families.
The Importance Of The Work[rebelmouse-image 18345701 is_animated_gif=
I have a Master's degree and make more than $80,000 in the Public Relations field.
My wife has no degrees - just a certificate from a community college and makes about $20,000 a year working part time.
But that certificate is in nursing, and she works in home hospice -- providing comfort to people as they die, helping their family members through the grieving process, etc all in the comfort of the dying person's home.
So while I make a lot more money, her work is inifinitely more important than mine is.
Always The Money[rebelmouse-image 18347580 is_animated_gif=
My wife currently makes a lot more money than me. I make some, but she does pretty well. She is also about to get her PhD and I didn't even finish college.
However, I work extremely hard at what I do, and I am getting better, and I know it will really pay off in the end. She sees that too and supports me. I support her in every other imaginable way. She is very type A and can get stressed, emotional, and overwhelmed, and sometimes just needs me to sit there and let her vent or hold her. We have become best friends, and as cliche as it may sound, we do complete each other in many ways.
On top of that, we share some things in common: we both love running, and we love our dogs to death (we met in a dog park). Good food and whiskey, lounging around reading, and hanging out with friends. I really don't know how I got such an incredibly beautiful and intelligent woman to marry me, but I will do all I can to support her and do my own thing so we can share a wonderful life.
Hard Work[rebelmouse-image 18347581 is_animated_gif=
I am 38 and my wife is 31. She has 3 graduate degrees in the STEM fields, 2 from ivy league type schools. She is now working on her 4th graduate degree in some type of computer science I do not understand. I never attended high school, and had to lie and make a fake high school transcript to get into college, where I have never completed even one full year. Mostly because I can not pass a math course which is 2 of my wife's degrees. We now have a kid, and have been married 7 years July 2017. We are very completely different people in completely different worlds.
I am not sure how we have made it work. She is somewhere on the autistic scale and I am very outgoing and social. I think we understand our own and each others limitations, and are understanding those boundaries more and more every day. She is a college professor and doing well at it, while I stay at home and play a support role. I never had a career or a future, so nothing really there to give up or miss. The best job I ever had was working construction for a low voltage company. 60+ hard hours every week with shitty pay and no benefits. Being a dad and a loving husband has given my life purpose I thought I would never have. I am pretty sure she feels and understands that she would not be able to work as hard and achieve what she has while having a family with out someone like me at her side.
Some tips; find something you both really really enjoy and force yourself to do it together on a very regular basis. For us it was video and table top gaming. We both love it, and play very differently so it makes for some interesting and heated gaming.
Use sex as a tool for bonding. Having a good line of communication is difficult for us, being so different. We have found for us that sex can be a good place for us to enjoy each other being each other. Levels of education or experience or history seems to melt away when passion rises.
The last one I can think of is listen and try and understand. Nothing makes my wife happier than when I make an effort to try and understand what shes talking about. There is also the extra bonus of over the decade or so of knowing her, I have learned quite a bit more than I thought I ever would about the STEM fields.
Now the bad. We do feel like aliens sometimes. We see things differently, and recently discovering how differently we parent. We do fight, maybe more than some. There are going to be things that will always be an issue, like having proper communication and understanding. Every relationship has to be built on compromise and hard work to make it last.
Gaps In Knowledge[rebelmouse-image 18347080 is_animated_gif=
My boyfriend is in a full time job in the type of work he studied for. I am finishing my degree, still.
It definitely becomes difficult with three major factors: Time management, money and maturity.
Time is uncomfortable because I feel like I have so much more free time than him, but then to counter that I work a part time job that takes all of my Sunday. This just needs to be organized around, and I think it's important for the person who's working full time to never assume the other is less busy just because they are not physically clocking in and out at the end of the day.
Money is self-explanatory. He makes money, I hemorrhage it out of my broke, broke pockets. For this I think there needs to be a balance of a show of self-sufficiency on my part, and a show of both generosity but also full belief I can do it "on my own" on his part. Talking openly about financial differences is good, and I personally appreciate when it's acknowledged that he lives a much less anxiety-driven life because money is not an immediate concern for him. This dynamic would change if I were to move in with him, but it would still be about willing to spend a "percentage of what we have" to make things work.
Finally, maturity. Sometimes I feel like I sound like a child when I talk to him about my university shit while he's out there actually being a person and having a job, and the only way this can be cured is understanding that your partner, well, loves you. They would not be dating you if they did not think you were a strong, capable person, especially if they are from a position with a lot more status/power/authority/what have you.
This is a valid question, and I have definitely struggled with it a lot in my own time.
Kindness Over Talent[rebelmouse-image 18347582 is_animated_gif=
My dad was a working-class genius. He didn't have any advantages in life (like the ones I have an frankly squander) but he quite literally is a hero, he overcame them and did some great things.
My mom is the most wonderful loving woman in the world, but on occasion not that bright. I don't think she ever made more than maybe 15 dollars an hour in her life slaving away in a job she hated, different kind of hero.
The difference between them was/is huge. But you wouldn't know it really, unless you got to know my dad.
Once my mom said something really stupid, and I was about the stupid age of 12 or 13 where I knew she was wrong, and I was arrogant enough to think it was cool to call her out on it. My dad heard me sort of arguing with her. He came in, asked what was going on, and then he said something like, "Bill just leave it alone." and he kissed my mom and gave me this look and a sort of head motion like "you better come with me or you're f-cked" so I did.
He told me something like, "Son, your mom is a good woman, I know she isn't the smartest woman but she's one of the best. Let her be happy. You have no idea how lucky you are to have someone who really loves you. Don't f-ck that up by arguing about shit that doesn't matter."
Adore[rebelmouse-image 18347583 is_animated_gif=
My husband is really really smart, and I'm not. He grew up with a very upperclass family, and I grew up under the bluest of collars and the strappiest of boots.
Over time we've had to have a lot of conversations, as I have felt insecure about my intelligence and class around his family in the past.
BUT! THEN I realized that I know how to change a tire, change our own oil, fix the lawn care equipment, clean every mess, and I'm generally a more organized person. I know how to put the work in until something is completed. So I stopped worrying so much, because my husband sure wasn't worried about it.
It's led to some stressful situations with my in-laws before, but at the end of the day, all you can say is f*** it. Plus, for some reason, my husband adores blue collar life way more.
It's give and take.
Again, Being Equals[rebelmouse-image 18347584 is_animated_gif=
I was a high school teacher and now I'm a SAHM. My husband is an environmental engineer who makes (low) six figures. When I was teaching, I brought home ~20k. We pooled all of our money and didn't differentiate. Even now when I'm not working, we have an equal amount of weekly "personal spending" money we don't have to explain or account for in our budget. I absolutely would not have agreed to stay home if my husband and I didn't share these beliefs about finances.
He values the domestic work I do as much as a monetary contribution to the household. The work I do at home during the week (cleaning, largely, but errands and cooking and so on as well) means that our evenings and weekends are straight-up leisure time for our family. When I was working, we often spent weekends playing catch-up on chores and errands (and grading!) instead of relaxing.
I'll go back to work when the baby is a few years old, but we both really value a few years of parent-controlled education and discipline in the home (vs. daycare or a relative providing child care).
Ultimately, it comes down to mutual values and a shared vision for our lifestyle, and understanding that our roles are very different and symbiotic. Moreover, though, he respects, appreciates, and admires my work as equal to his.
This Sounds Familiar[rebelmouse-image 18347585 is_animated_gif=
She is an immigrant aspiring model and I am a celebrity billionaire who is also the president of the United States of America. We don't always see eye to eye, but luckily she is always able to stay in our New York skyscraper. Also she wouldn't divorce me no matter what I did because when she looks at me she essentially sees a giant orange old gremlin standing in the way of her billions of dollars - and I'll be dead pretty soon.
It's a good system.
Make Someone Happy[rebelmouse-image 18346617 is_animated_gif=
My wife has a college degree and can speak 5 languages with actual fluency. She gets every job she applies for and tries to get.
I have no degree, speak English only with fluency, have struggled to find work. However, I'm funny, computer savvy, can open tight jars, I make her laugh and happy. It's equal because we make each other happy and i'm starting to work now and it's good pay and I'm doing very well. She just loves me for me. Not my resume.
Communication[rebelmouse-image 18347586 is_animated_gif=
My fiancé and I have lived together for a year now. We are very similar intellectually, but he's going into a scientific research field and is in grad school on his way to a PhD while I am doing my best to make it as a music teacher.
So we know finances are going to be very different in the future as it won't be practical for me to pursue a second degree for awhile. We knew this was going to happen, though, and we constantly communicate to check in about how we're feeling, if we are in need of more help, if I can do anything around the house to help with his long hours in the lab, etc.
As usual, communication is key. It's not perfect, and I'm self-conscious about my situation sometimes, but I have to consistently remind myself that a lot of the problems that I face with my career path are not my fault and I'm doing the best I can, and my fiancé is right there for me.
Amazing[rebelmouse-image 18347587 is_animated_gif=
Doesn't matter. My wife has art degree in photography and a PhD in microbiology but was making barely like $40k in acedamia. I have a HS diploma and dropped out of college. I've been doing backup and storage support for 15+ years and bring home $100k+. She's left academia and went into government contracting and is almost up to where I'm at now. While she was in academia she was doing the good work and I would happily have continued to support the household if she wanted to continue. She didn't and I'm happy that she's enjoying her new work and success. My willingness to contribute everything is the same as it always has been.
Reddit user BlondCurvyDiva asked: 'What's the worst thing that's ever been said to you?'
When parents see their children grow aggressive and resort to hitting and throwing things, they often tell their children to "use their words".
While violence is never the answer, this advice might not always be the best advice, as sometimes words can hurt much harder than a punch or being hit in the head by a flying object.
Indeed, some people are still finding ways to recover from things people have said to them in the past.
Be it a demeaning insult or learning news they hoped they would never hear in their lives.
"What's the worst thing that's ever been said to you?"
Also, None Of Your Business!
"'Why did you stay with him?'"
"'Weren't you guys only dating for what, like a year and a half?'"
"Two years you mother f*cker and it was because I refused to leave the love of my life as he was dying rapidly of brain cancer."- Squeakymeeper13
Ugliness Comes From Within...
"I was at a bar to see a friend's band."
"Random woman walks over and tells me, 'People who look like you should stay home so the rest of us can have a nice time not having to look at you'."- ChrisNEPhilly
So Much For Love...
"The reason I want a divorce is because I don't want to spend the rest of my life taking care of someone who's handicapped"- Kervon37
The Truth Can Hurt So, So Much...
“'I’m sorry - there was nothing more we could do'.”
"I was 27, the love of my life had died in my arms."- billdogg7246
Part Of Being A Parent Is Just Showing Up
"My dad left my family when I was a little girl."
"One day after years of unresolved feelings I talked to him on the phone as a teenager."
“'I just don’t feel like you’re my dad'.”
“'We’ll I don’t feel like you’re my daughter'.”- callathanmodd
The Only Dreams That Matter Are Your Own
"When I was like 8 I was a huge dinosaur nerd."
"I remember saying I wanted to be a paleontologist, my mother promptly says 'honey I'm pretty sure all the dinosaurs will be discovered by then...' I was devastated."
"I think she thought she was looking out for me."
"Anyway now if a new dinosaur gets uncovered I send her a clipping in the mail (I make sure it's physical piece of paper so she knows I put work into it)."- twlvfngrs
"I'd say "forget about learning to draw, you will never be an artist anyway" said by both my mother and my younger bro, who are both pro artists who went to art school."
"Still gonna draw though. I'd do it even if it kills me."- RandomDude1801
You Only Stop Living When No One Remembers Your Name
"'You don't have a dad anymore'."
"Said by my mom when I asked how long he's going to spend in a hospital."
"I was 7."
"He died from a heart attack right before my eyes, and mom tried to resuscitate him for forty minutes while waiting for an ambulance to arrive."- NTaya
Not Everyone Is Meant To Be A Parent
"'If you get a girl pregnant, run'."
"Thanks for letting me know exactly how you felt about me 'dad'."
"I hope you've enjoyed the decades of no contact."- CleverName9999999999
News No One Wants To Hear
"'I'm sorry, she's gone'."
"Wife went to the hospital because she hadn't felt our daughter moving in her tummy for a couple hours."
"She calls and asks me to come to the birthing center immediately and I ask if I need to bring the overnight bag."
"She said 'no, just bring our son'."
"I knew then but couldn't believe it."
"Our daughter died from a true umbilical knot at 36.5 weeks and was delivered 2 days later stillborn."
"She was a perfectly healthy baby but was suffocated slowly by her own lifeline."- grievingdad2022
"Was in a bad place mentally."
"Decided I am going to start jogging to help how I feel."
"Where I decided to go is a fairly main road."
"A car of young men decided to hang out the window and yell 'going to need to run faster fatty'."
"I have struggled with working out publicly ever since."
"Can’t say my mental state is much better and that happened years ago now."- sirius917
Or, They Could Have Actually Helped Before...
"I had many 'friends' tell me I should have tried harder to get my husband into rehab after he died from alcoholism."
"Ya know yeah I just let it happen."- prpljeepgurl30
Probably Shouldn't Be Teaching Anywhere...
"In high school, one of my teachers told me 'you are the reason I hate coming to work and teaching here'.”
"It was a challenge to stay focused after that."- unicycle-rider
Intimidation Is Not Encouragement
"My Gym teacher in 8th grade while I was running a relay race: 'you don't really try in anything do you'."
"I really was trying as hard as I can."
"F*ck that guy."- oboshoe
Most physical wounds or injuries can be treated and go away or diminish over time.
But when someone says something harmful to us or tells us something we never want to hear, it will linger in our memories for the rest of our life.
It’s not uncommon to tell little white lies, especially to a child or sibling. After all, messing with them is half the fun. Sometimes, white lies and tall tales go beyond the standard Santa Claus or Easter Bunny. Not only that, but often, the person being told the lie goes on believing it for far too long. Here are some of the dumbest lies people believed.
1. This Untruth Got Flushed Awaygrayscale photography of two girls closing their mouthsPhoto by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash
My best friend was a girl, and she thought it would be funny to get all the girls I knew in on a prank against me. She told every girl I knew, including my teacher, mom, and sister, to tell me that girls didn’t poop if I asked. They all went with it for a couple of days and I fell for it. I believed this was the case from about fifth grade up until the ninth grade when my sister forgot to flush.
I went in immediately after her, and the truth suddenly hit me. There they were—four years of lies just floating there, mocking me for being so stupid and gullible. My friend thought it was hilarious when I confronted her at school the following day. She couldn’t believe I hadn’t figured it out. She had also almost forgotten about that prank.
2. A Crock Of Cheesered strawberry fruit on green leavesPhoto by Justus Menke on Unsplash
There were many times I had been duped, but one stands out. I was about seven years old at the time, and my sister was 13. We were eating strawberries. There was this huge one, and me being the annoying little sister, of course, I had to get it before her. So, I took it and had the biggest bite possible. When I saw what was inside, I just started screaming. The strawberry was filled with ants.
So there were ants running out and my mouth was full of this strawberry-ant-mix. I was hollering in horror at the top of my lungs. Meanwhile, my sister was about to pass out from laughing so hard. She told me to just calm down and eat cheese because the cheese will kill the ants. I was relieved, so I ate almost a kilo of this feta-like cheese. I ate and I ate and I ate.
I ate so much that my mom was scared there wasn’t going to be any cheese left for breakfast. After half an hour of eating cheese, my sister told me, while laughing like a maniac, to stop eating because she had just made it up to calm me down. However, I didn’t believe her.
3. She Drummed Up This Tall Talewhite red and blue umbrellaPhoto by Ana Lucia Cottone on Unsplash
When I was little, and my mom got me fast food, I would use the straws like drumsticks on the passenger side dash of the car. My mom told me to stop because I could set off the airbag and break my own neck. Fifteen years later, I drove a friend to get food. He started doing the same thing. I told him sternly not to do that because I didn’t want the airbag to go off.
He just stared at me like I was insane. That moment made me question everything else my parents ever told me.
4. Stuck Between A Rock And A Hard Placemulti colored plastic round toyPhoto by elnaz asadi on Unsplash
When I was a child, I got upset after a button came off of my shirt. My mother told me not to worry and that if I placed the button under a rock in the yard, the button fairy would replace it with a quarter. I believed it, and to my mother's dismay, I took her story to heart. She discovered I had pulled the buttons off of every shirt in my closet.
To this day, 40 years later, shirt buttons can still be found under random rocks in my parents' backyard.
5. It Was A Total Snow Jobsnow covered cars parked on snow covered road during daytimePhoto by Katt Yukawa on Unsplash
One time, when I was about five or six years old, I was staying in with my father, when his good friend came by. It was evening and I was doing my own stuff, such as playing with Legos and watching TV. Meanwhile, they were in the kitchen talking, laughing, and generally, doing what adults do, or at least that’s what I thought.
Then, my dad suggested we all go for a walk. It was deep winter, but pleasant out—very snowy but not too cold. So, of course, I was down for the walk. I figured I would get to play with snowballs and mess around. We went and at some point, my dad's friend started to walk sideways and behave funny. A few times he even fell in the snow and started eating it.
It was very amusing, so my dad and I laughed our butts off. When we came back home, his friend just collapsed in the corridor and my dad got him some pillows and a blanket. I asked him, “What's going on?” He said that his friend ate too much snow. We laughed again and I went to sleep. When I was 18 or 19 years old, it finally hit me that they were both loaded.
The walk was to go to a store and get more booze.
6. I Was Out Of Tune With RealityFile:Grammy Awards, Best Alternative Music Album - 2005, John ...commons.wikimedia.org
When my sister and I were kids, our mom lied and told us that she was a Grammy-nominated and winning singer. She said that all of the trophies were in our attic, knowing that neither of us would ever go up there and check for them. My sister and I bragged to all of our friends about it for years, only to discover that our mom wasn’t a very good singer at all.
We held this lie over her head for years. We finally gifted her a fake Grammy that had her name and her favorite music category engraved on it, citing her as the winner of it. She laughed until she cried.
7. Her Answer Wasn’t Quite Black Or Whiteblack traffic light turned on during night timePhoto by Tsvetoslav Hristov on Unsplash
I was four, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom. One day, she was washing dishes in the sink and I came over and asked her what my dad’s favorite color was. Without turning around, she told me it was grey. I said, “Grey? That’s an ugly color!” She replied, “Well, don’t you know that your dad’s colorblind and can only see black and white and shades between?”
I obviously believed that wholeheartedly because Rugrats didn’t have an episode explaining what color blindness was. I then spent the next four years telling my dad what color the stoplights were when he and I were riding together. I figured because he was colorblind, he didn’t know what color the stoplight was. I never did it when my mom was in the car because I knew she obviously had a secret signal to let him know while he was driving without making it obvious.
So, every car ride would always start out with me telling him the light was red, and then green, or that it was green so he could drive straight through that but the next one was yellow and he needed to hurry up, and so on. His response was always polite at first, but it would escalate until he yelled, “Thanks, thank you, yup, thaaank you, THANK YOU, YES I KNOW YOU CAN STOP NOW.”
I would end up pouting the rest of the ride. Eventually, I stopped and learned his favorite color was blue. I was telling this story at my high school graduation party. My dad overheard and confronted my mom in front of everyone, exclaiming that he had never known why I had done that and how annoying it had been. My mom had never realized I was doing it because I never did it when she was in the car.
8. A Grizzly Talebrown bear selective focal photo during daytimePhoto by Thomas Lefebvre on Unsplash
My dad always liked to make up silly stories to freak me out when I was little, and this one I believed for YEARS. He would sometimes pick up odd jobs to do for friends. One time, when I was about six, we were at our friend’s house. He was trimming up the bushes in the backyard, while I stayed inside playing. He came into the house with huge scratches all up his arm. I started freaking out. I asked him what had happened.
He told me, "Well I was out in the backyard cleaning things up, and all of the sudden a bear came out of nowhere and asked me to race him! So of course, I did and OF COURSE, I won. The bear was so angry that he scratched up my arm and ran away." I literally believed this story until I was in high school. We were with family and I had brought up that one time my dad raced a bear in the backyard, and I swear I've never seen my dad laugh harder than that.
9. He Was Just Pushing My Buttonsboy sitting on plane seat while viewing windowPhoto by Hanson Lu on Unsplash
When I was a kid, my dad always told me not to touch the button on the armrest of a plane because it was an "emergency" button. One time, when I was about five, we were flying to visit family. My dad fell asleep, so I pressed it a bunch of times because I was curious. Nothing happened, and I fell asleep thinking it must be broken. I woke up in a stroller with my parents, upset because the plane had to make an emergency landing. I started crying because I thought it was my fault.
10. His Story Didn’t Ring A Bellgreen and yellow trees on brown grass fieldPhoto by Lasse Nystedt on Unsplash
When I was five years old, my dad told me and my nine-year-old sister that telephone poles were actually trees that had been genetically engineered by the power companies to grow straight up into a perfect pole with two little arms on each side to hold the lines. It was just one of the many “dadisms” that he preached when Mom wasn't around.
One day, he brought my sister home earlier than usual from school. He explained to my mom that the principal had called him to come and pick her up. When she asked why he told her that a local power company worker had come to her class that day to talk about power line safety. The power company worker had asked the class, "Who knows how telephone poles are made?"
My sister raised her hand and proudly shared what my dad had told her. The worker laughed and said, "I think your dad lied to you." My sister's response completely threw him. She said, "I think you're a liar." We still quote her at family gatherings whenever we think someone is pulling our leg.
11. This Strategy Backfiredchess pieces on chess boardPhoto by Seri on Unsplash
When I was younger, I was told that my stepdad traded his watch and all the money in his wallet for our family's chessboard and that he had hiked out of the jungle with it. My mom corroborated the story and it was easy to believe cause my stepdad was a former officer. About a decade later, my then-boyfriend walked into my house and said, “Hey my ex-girlfriend has a chessboard just like this one!”
I told him that was impossible because my stepdad had hiked it out of the jungle. He said, “No, really!” What happened next shattered me. He proceeded to pull the chessboard up on eBay. It was $30. Later, I confronted my mom by sending her a screenshot. She just laughed. I was honestly hurt and felt very stupid.
12. I Was Conditioned To Believe This Taleblack metal appliancesPhoto by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash
When I was about ten, I was in the car with my father on a hot day. He told me to roll my window up because the air conditioning would run out. Because of this, I believed air conditioning was consumable in a vehicle and if you had it on with the window down you would run out. I was 22, driving in my work truck, and every time my coworker rolled the window down when he lit up, I turned the AC off.
He finally asked me why I did that. I'll regret my answer forever: I told him it was because I didn't want the air conditioning to run out. He laughed for the whole hour's drive back to the shop.
13. My Stuffy Was Away On VacaySock Monkey plush toy on brown panelPhoto by Denisse Leon on Unsplash
When I was five, I lost my stuffed animal in the Miami airport. It was my favorite, and I was really sad about it. A few weeks later, my mom presented me with a brown dog that otherwise looked exactly like the white one I had lost. She said the workers at the airport had found it and mailed it to us, but he got a tan because he was in Florida. For a few years, I bought it hook line and sinker.
14. A Salty Taleorange camping tent near green treesPhoto by Scott Goodwill on Unsplash
As a kid, my whole extended family would go camping, and my great grandfather would bring a giant salt shaker for every kid. When we arrived, he would pass them out to each of us and tell us, “If you get salt on a squirrel’s tail, it throws off the squirrel's balance, and he can’t climb the trees anymore. That’s how you can catch one and keep it for a pet.”
We all went running around for hours chasing squirrels with salt shakers trying to catch one while the adults sat around drinking uninterrupted. I never got my pet squirrel.
15. This Movie Was Pure FictionFile:Inmate in full harness restraints.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
When I was about seven years old, I could not understand how all the gory scenes in action movies seemed so realistic. So, I asked one of my older brothers how they did it. He told me the most disturbing lie possible. He explained that they empty out the state prisons in the area the movie is being made, dress the inmates up, and tell them that if they survive the filming, then they get to leave prison after.
I believed it until I was around ten.
16. I Didn’t See This One Cominggirl in blue and white shirt wearing pink framed eyeglassesPhoto by Zahra Amiri on Unsplash
It was the summer of fifth grade. I was told that if you sit too close to the TV or a computer screen, you will go blind. Then, when I was in sixth grade, I got glasses. As I was trying on my first pair of glasses, all I heard was, “I told you." I was then told that my sister, who was a year younger than me, wouldn’t need glasses because she listened.
She got HER glasses less than a year later.
17. Poisonous Gingerbreadbrown cookies on white ceramic platePhoto by Casey Chae on Unsplash
Back in elementary school, when I was about seven years old, we would make gingerbread houses with icing and stuff. My teacher told us NOT to eat the gingerbread and the icing because it was poisonous, and we could get really sick. Being the teacher and someone you should listen to, I believed her. So, while I was growing up and for most of my life, I thought that gingerbread was poisonous.
I never ate a gingerbread house in my life nor any of the icing. At 29 years of age, my fiancée and I were making a gingerbread house, and she started eating hers. I freaked out. It was then that she informed me that the teacher probably said that so she wouldn’t have 30 kids hopped up on sugar in her class for the rest of the day. I couldn’t believe I was duped that hard and never realized it.
18. This Lie Stunkgrayscale photo of man making silly facePhoto by Denis Agati on Unsplash
We used to make an annual trip to the mountains in North Carolina for about two weeks starting the day after Christmas. I went through a phase when I was younger where I wanted to know the etymology of every word. We were driving through Jacksonville just before rush hour. At the time, the area used to reek from the mills and the coffee plant.
The smell was so strong that even if you weren’t paying attention to the road, you knew you had reached the area, simply from the smell. So, while everyone in the car was commenting on the odor, I asked my dad how Jacksonville got its name. Not knowing, he did what every good dad does—he made something up. He said it was because everyone passed gas at the same time.
For years, I had this image in my head of business people all over Jacksonville, commuting to work in their business suits and skirts, holding briefcases throughout the entire city, all busting wind in unison throughout the day. It was one of those lies that you believe as a kid, and don't bother questioning it. You don’t even think about the answer until you're sitting in class and the real answer is explained in a book. I'm guessing I believed that one until I hit middle school.
19. My Uncle Milked This One As Much As He Couldbrown and black wild cat sitting on brown rackPhoto by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
A college nearby has a cougar as its mascot, and they sell cougar cheese. It's delicious. My uncles told me that cougar cheese was made from the milk of cougars. It made sense to me. Then when I got older, I saw a can of that cougar gold and wondered how they milked the cougars. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized that you couldn’t have a cougar milk farm with angry cougars hooked up to milking machines.
I got a chuckle out of the image and realized that I was a grown man who believed that they were milking cougars down at the college and turning it into cheese.
20. This Story Was Bearly Believablebrown bear on green grass during daytimePhoto by Rey Emsen on Unsplash
When I was ten and my brother was seven, we were on a lake trip. I was just wandering around the treeline and he wouldn’t stop following me, so I told him that I was looking for "bear eggs." Since he had recently learned about the platypus in school and wouldn't shut up about them, I also explained to him that the bears in our area were actually marsupials that, "fell off the back of a truck.”
Since the zookeepers couldn't catch them all, they were now an invasive species. I told him that if he found anything brown and oval that wasn't a pinecone it was probably a “bear egg.” We were exploring an area where people walked their dogs and stuff. He found a lot of brown oval things before we left and my mom slapped the daylights out of me when my uncle and I laughed.
To be fair, at the time, I still believed "fell off the back of a truck" was a real thing and not a euphemism for misappropriated goods.
21. Time To Hit The Kentucky TaleFile:Ohio 2021 license plate Montgomery County.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
I’m from central Kentucky and growing up we would always see tons of Ohio license plates on the road. So I asked why that was. My father proceeded to tell me that Ohio had a state law that was basically a curfew. He told me that once Ohio residents leave the state for any reason, they have a limited amount of time to return.
Therefore, if they didn’t make it back, they couldn’t re-enter the state. So, the Ohio drivers on the road were vagabonds, forever driving the surrounding states until they could go home. He told it so well and with such conviction that I believed it until I repeated it to friends in high school and finally realized what an idiot I was.
22. I Couldn’t Handle The Truthboy writing on white paperPhoto by Yogesh Rahamatkar on Unsplash
I was seven years old, and one of my teachers wanted us to write a letter to a family member, friend, or someone. I wrote the letter, got the envelope and the stamp. My mom worked at the county prison at the time, and she suggested I write to one of the inmates who never got mail, so I did. I wrote something along the lines of, "I'm sorry you're locked up, but I hope you get out." I even signed it with my seven-year-old signature. While I was writing the letter, my mom had left to go to the store.
I asked my older brother what our address was because I needed to put a return address. Unknowingly, he gave me the address to The White House. I wrote it on the letter and put it in with the mail that my mom was sending out. Years later, I went to pick my mom up from work, and one of the corrections officers called me Mr. President. When I asked why he said that, he mentioned the letter I wrote years prior and how it was a joke in the prison any time my mom mentioned me.
23. The Seven Year Mythgreen Doublemint packPhoto by Hunter Newton on Unsplash
On my fifth birthday, my older sister gave me a pack of gum. It was my first time trying gum, and I swallowed it. I told my sister, and she told me that because I swallowed the gum, I would pass in seven years. I was so sad. I never told my mom because I didn't want to make her sad. So I lived the next seven years of my life awaiting my tragic end.
My mom couldn't understand what my problem was on my 12th birthday because I was so sad. Finally, before bed, I told her how much I loved her and that I hoped she would miss me. She said, "What are you talking about?" I told her that I wasn’t going to make it through the night. My sister got yelled at, and my mom assured me I would not be gone before the morning.
24. This Was A Bunch Of Blarneya statue of a man holding a baseball batPhoto by Tim Wilson on Unsplash
When I was little, I thought that Leprechauns were real. I spent many hours and several iterations designing traps to try and catch one because if you caught one, you would get his pot of gold. A few times I tried, I got a piece of gold, and that's what kept the magic going. It turned out my dad was painting rocks with gold paint and sneaking them into my traps at night.
It is actually a really sweet memory as a kid, but it fell apart when I started asking other kids how their traps were going, and no one knew what I was talking about.
25. This Lie Blew Upgray and white mini fan on white surfacePhoto by Call Me Fred on Unsplash
We didn't have air conditioning or central air in my home growing up, so we used box fans a lot. They sat on the floor and weren’t all that sturdy, so sometimes they would fall or get knocked over. At one point, my mom told me not to leave them running when they fell over because they would "explode." My child mind, of course, took that to mean the same as it does in movies.
I got spooked and imagined our whole house exploding into a massive fireball. I remember one time a fan fell over next to my dad, and he wasn't urgently picking it up. I went into a panic and was yelling at him while he gave me a confused "what is your problem?" look.
26. Wood You Believe This?colse-up photo of brown wooden dollPhoto by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash
From when I was about five to twelve years old, I believed my father had a wooden plate in his head. Whenever anyone said, “Knock on wood,” he would knock on his head. He would say it was because he had a wooden plate from when he jumped into an empty pool as a kid. He kept the lie going by adding that whenever he went to the doctor, it was because his wooden plate was being replaced due to termites.
27. Mirror, Mirrora man wearing glasses looking out a windowPhoto by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash
My dad always told me to be good because he said that he could see around corners. Sometimes, if I got told off for being naughty, I would walk out of the room and flip him the bird and he would always know. So, once, when I was around 12, the same thing happened. I had done something wrong and he shouted at me. I then walked out of the room and, clearly out of sight, flipped him a double bird.
He knew it and ran out after me. That's when I had the most jaw-dropping revelation. The door to walk out of the living room was next to the back door for the garden, which was glass. He could always see me in the reflection. I couldn’t believe I was so stupid for so long.
28. Beam Me Upperson holding BMW vehicle steering wheelPhoto by Andras Vas on Unsplash
When I was seven years old, my mother married my stepfather. He had a really great job, and as a result, had a BMW. One day, I got to ride in the front seat of his car for the first time. I had never in my life experienced anything so modern or so expensive before then. I was in awe of the dashboard, the interior, the seat warmers—everything just blew me away.
I think he must have noticed, because he was like, "Hey, watch this.” He raised his hand in the air, in front of the dash, and made a gesture like he was turning the volume dial for the music, without touching anything. What I didn't see, was his other hand on the steering wheel turning up the music from there. He then told me to try turning down the volume.
When it worked, I was just amazed. I actually believed his car could magically do that until I was 16 years old. I didn't ride in his car very often, so it kind of kept the illusion of it alive. My stepfather couldn't believe that I had kept on believing for so long. Then again, I also thought lacrosse was a big, secret joke that the whole world was in on.
29. I Couldn’t Brush This One Offblue and white plastic bottlePhoto by 莎莉 彭 on Unsplash
When I was young, I once asked my older cousins if they also hated the burning after-taste when you swallowed toothpaste. They looked at me with matching expressions of horror. My cousin told me, “Don't swallow toothpaste. You only have like three chances. After that, you've had too much of the chemicals, and you'll be a goner by the time you turn 21."
I was horrified and said, "But I've accidentally swallowed toothpaste in heaps." They grimaced and said, "Oh gosh, I hope not." Several years later, it suddenly dawned on me that they were obviously making it up.
30. I Had My Bubble Burstwhite airplane on brown field under gray cloudsPhoto by Anthony Duran on Unsplash
When I was young, we lived near a small private airfield. My mother told us that if we waved to the airplanes as they passed by, they would throw us bubblegum. We were the idiots waving like goons at all the small planes overhead for far too long. When we asked her later why she told us that she said, "When you have kids, look at the trust and belief in their eyes and see if you'll be able to resist messing with them."
31. His Lie Left Me Sorewoman standing in front of childrenPhoto by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash
My dad told me that canker sores, or “ulcers” as we called them, came from telling lies. He said this to me a few times. In third grade, when the teacher asked if anyone knew why we get them, I raised my hand and proceed to spout out, “My daddy said they come from telling lies.” My teacher's awkward silence and lack of eye contact let me know it was my papa who sat on a throne of lies!
32. The Apple Fell Far From The Treea bunch of apples hanging from a treePhoto by Bozhin Karaivanov on Unsplash
When I was very little, every time I went to visit my grandpa, he would take me out to the garden to pick an apple from his apple tree. Four years after he had passed, when I was 16, we were sitting around sharing stories about him, and I said, “Hey, whatever happened to that apple tree?” My family laughed and finally exposed the truth.
It was just a regular tree, and he would go tie a few apples to it with string before we went over. Looking back, it was a skinny little tree, with big perfect red apples in it.
33. She's A Rich GirlFile:Walt Disney World Resort entrance.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
When I was around eight years old, my family went to Disney World and shared a hotel. On the floor was a vending machine. At the time, I had a habit of looking through the coin slot of vending machines to see if people had left behind their change. On this trip, I hit the jackpot. Every time I passed the machine, there would be a few coins waiting for me—every single time.
I ended up with almost $6.00 during that trip. I thought the machine was broken. Many years later, I was telling this story to a friend of mine, and my dad started laughing. He then revealed the truth, which was that my grandmother would put the coins into the slot before I had the chance to look.
34. The Parent Trapwhite power switch on wallPhoto by Steve Johnson on Unsplash
When I was little, I was just TERRIFIED of burglars. My mind was just wrought with fear over someone breaking into our house. My parents would always try to ease my worry but to no avail. Until one day they came up with this lie to make me feel safe. By our front door, there was an outlet with three switches. Two of them controlled outside and inside lights but the third didn’t seem to connect to anything.
I always asked them, “What does the third switch control?” My parents decided to tell me that it detonates devices buried in our front yard. My dad decided to build upon the story and said that one night he buried a ton of devices under the ground in the front yard and if a burglar stepped in the yard, a signal would go off. He would then flip the switch making the devices detonate and destroy the burglar.
It was definitely a really weird and intense lie to tell a six-year-old, but I never worried about burglars at that house again.
35. I Should Have Ditched This Conceptaerial photography of calm body of water during daytimePhoto by Jukka Heinovirta on Unsplash
There were these ditches dug along the roads so that plowed snow had somewhere to go in the winter. So, naturally, they collect water and are really marshy and grow reeds. I used to think you could sink into them as one would sink into an actual marsh. My sister, who was three years older than me, decided to mess with me—and boy, she did not hold back.
She told me that kids have been lost by sinking into the marshy ditches and that there were trolls who live underneath who ate them. She said that after a girl had been lost, they lowered a bag of chips into it, and they could hear the trolls crunching and munching on them.
36. This Idea Shouldn’t Have Taken Flightaerial photography of clouds and mountainsPhoto by Daniel Olah on Unsplash
I was pretty smart and could deduce some pretty complex things. Well, I figured that in order to turn, there were weights inside the long wings of airplanes that could move from one end to the other. When going straight, the weights are in the middle, and to turn left, the weights shift to the left, into the wingtips, and so on. It was so dumb to think that, but I would like to believe that such a design could actually work in practice.
37. Her Lie Left Me Coldperson holding glass figurinePhoto by Matt Foster on Unsplash
My sister once dramatically exclaimed, "My hand froze off!" She said this while running her hand under warm water after a ski trip where she had lost a glove. I was terrified and hid in my room for an hour. Later, I came out, and her hand was back to normal. I asked her how she got her hand back. She said, "Your hand just grows back if it's frozen off. You only really lose it if you cut it off."
I distinctly remember telling my teachers and schoolmates that my sister grew back her frozen hand. I was only seven years old, but even when they tried to tell me she was messing with me, I just assumed my teacher was dumb and didn't know what I did.
38. This Story Was All FluffBetter Being Underground | Peanut Butter Rice Krispie Treats… | Flickrwww.flickr.com
I was picky about food. One day, I proclaimed loudly that I didn't like marshmallows. Then, someone told me that marshmallows were used to make Rice Krispie squares, so I informed my mother I would not be eating Rice Krispie squares because I didn't want to eat marshmallows. Until I was an adult, she made sure to warn everyone I would come into contact with—whether it was other parents, my teachers at school, basically, every person who she could get to—that her Rice Krispie squares were made with sugar glue.
I was 18 before I learned that was a lie.
39. Switched At Birth Shamman and woman holding handsPhoto by Austin Lowman on Unsplash
I had always had an inkling that I was adopted, and my older brother played into that a lot by making fun of me and telling me that I was. I also was the only member of my family to look Mexican, and people always thought I was, while my family was half white and half Indian. When I was young, we moved to a new city a few hours away.
The people who owned the house before us had a maid service and that company gave us one month free to see if we liked it. The maid that worked for us was a young Mexican woman named Juanita. My brother very cleverly came up with the lie that Juanita was my birth mother and that she had an affair with a very famous person.
Since this person couldn't have the public image of cheating on his wife, he paid her a lot of money to put me up for adoption. He continued, saying that my parents had found out about Juanita being in this city, and we moved there so I could be closer to my birth mother. I believed this story for two years!
40. They Told Me A Historic Liebrown rock on white surfacePhoto by Anton Maksimov 5642.su on Unsplash
When I was a kid, my dad got these little arrowheads from some gift shop and put them out in our backyard. He told me that Indigenous people used to inhabit where our yard was and that if I looked around I could find different things that were left behind. When I found those arrowheads, I almost squealed with delight. I thought I had discovered artifacts from Indigenous civilizations in my backyard.
I told people about it every now and again and was pretty proud of it. I bragged about it to friends, teachers, and even people at the local historical society. I really felt stupid for believing it for as long as I did. I should have realized sooner that it clearly wasn’t true based on the fact that the explanations about them were too far-fetched, the placement of them was obviously in places where a kid would be able to find them, and that the concept wasn’t told to me before or after that one afternoon.
41. It Was A Twisted Deceptionlong exposure photography of hurricanePhoto by Nikolas Noonan on Unsplash
When I was about four or five years old, I was a really anxious kid. Even though we lived in an area where tornados were rare, but not unheard of, I was really fixated on the possibility of a tornado coming to destroy our house. So, to alleviate my anxiety, my dad told me that those spinning attic vents you see on houses were "tornado stoppers.”
He said that they spin the opposite way to a tornado and cancel it out, with an effective range that went to the end of our street. I accepted this at face value and didn't question it until many years later when I looked at our roof and noticed we didn't actually have a spinning-style attic vent. My dad had just assumed we had one and neither of us had bothered to check.
42. A True Fairy Tale?santa claus with red backgroundPhoto by krakenimages on Unsplash
When I was a kid, about seven or eight, I asked my mother if Santa was real. She decided to tell me that he was not. I wasn’t too bothered and apparently felt that this made sense. I then asked if the tooth fairy was real, and my mother, overestimating my grasp of sarcasm, told me that the tooth fairy was, in fact, real. I figured that there was no reason she would lie to me given that she had just admitted to Santa being fake.
Later, my mother caught me explaining to other kids that Santa was fake, but that the tooth fairy wasn’t. Unfortunately, I believed in the tooth fairy for much longer than I care to admit.
43. The Meaning Of "Gullible"opened book on brown tablePhoto by Pisit Heng on Unsplash
My dad convinced me that the word "gullible" was not in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I was probably six when he first told me. My mom and sister agreed with him at the dinner table. We had a dictionary on the bookshelf next to the table. I would look it up and find it. Then, I would forget and he would re-convince me of it at random intervals—sometimes a year later, sometimes six months later.
It was probably the fifth time that I looked it up when I finally stopped believing him.
44. There Was Not A Crumb Of Truth To Itbread on white ceramic platePhoto by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash
My parents told me that eating the crust of bread for sandwiches or toast was important as it contained all the healthy nutrients I needed to grow healthy. I believed that garbage until I was 26, and I saw my wife cut away her crusts. I told her how she was throwing away the healthiest parts of the bread. I'll never forget the look on her face.
She looked at me dumbfounded and thought I was stupid. Of course, she corrected me.
45. A Haunting Talegray scale photo of cemeteryPhoto by Vicki Schofield on Unsplash
We were on our way to a volleyball game when my dad told us that there used to be a cemetery where the school now stood. They had tried to contact the families to move the bodies, but any that weren't claimed were still under the school, so the place was probably haunted. As fifth graders are chatty, especially with something as juicy as "the school is built on deceased bodies," his story made it around our school and the competing school pretty quick.
My dad got in a bit of trouble for that one.
46. What A Croc!crocodile in body of waterPhoto by Shelly Collins on Unsplash
Growing up, I had some family that lived a town over. We would visit them often since they'd host all the family events because they had a big home. Going to their house involved driving over an area with a large pond that had a road built over it. One day, we drove over the pond, and I noticed a log sticking out of the water.
I asked my dad what it was, and since we had watched some Crocodile Dundee, he said, "It's a crocimagator." Even though we lived in Canada, where there aren’t any crocodiles, I believed him. Every time we drove past, that log was in the same place for years. At first, I doubted it, but I watched a documentary that said crocs or alligators could lay dormant for months on end and not move.
Hence, I believed it for years. Eventually, the log vanished. It probably sunk into the pond and I didn't think much of it. I just thought the crocimagator moved somewhere new. Then it hit me that I was an idiot.
47. I Was Sunk By A Titanic TaleFile:Titanic in color.png - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org
My mom and I were watching Titanic when I was around four. She obviously didn't want me to see the love scene, so she covered my eyes as she forwarded through it. Her reasoning was wild. She told me that vampires come onto the ship and chase Rose and Jack away. I was terrified of vampires and dumb-little-me believed her.
Not only that, but I continued to believe her for the next three or four years, and was always scared of that movie because of those supposed vampires. In my mind, it had become a horror movie. It was only when I was at my best friend's house and her siblings had that movie on, that I found out my mother had lied to me. I felt so betrayed and as I grew older I was just confused.
When I asked my mother why she said vampires of all things, she said she panicked and couldn't think of anything else. To this day we joke about all of the vampires in Titanic.
48. I Was Neither Older Nor Wisergrayscale photography of child and toddler while walkingPhoto by juan pablo rodriguez on Unsplash
When I was a kid, my older brother and I used to fight a lot. He used to insult me and torment me in many different ways. Being a girl, and three years younger, I was too little, weak, and dumb to defend myself against him. So one day, I asked my mom why my brother was older than me. My mom replied, "Honey, you used to be older than him but then you got sick and stayed the same age. During that time your brother grew older and now he is older than you!"
I bought it. Not only did I buy it, but I was so happy that there was a time in my life, even though I had no memory of it, that I was the older sibling and I was the one tormenting him. Of course some years later, when apparently I had overcome that strange disease that prevented me from growing older, I realized that my mom was lying.
49. Soda Jerkseven assorted-brand soda cansPhoto by Jonny Caspari on Unsplash
One time I was at my dad's house, and he and a friend were hanging outside chilling while I was playing with my plastic ninja sword. My dad never let me have soda. His friend left, and he went inside to do the dishes. I saw a 7 Up can on the deck table and sprinted towards it. I took a huge swig. It turned out they had been putting their cig butts in there.
It was horrible. I ran inside and threw up. My dad asked, “What happened, what happened?!” I lied and said nothing, but he figured it out. So, he came up with the most genius lie: He told me all the soda he buys tastes like that, even if they are unopened. I believed him for a few years until I was about nine.
50. Hot Dog!hotdog sandwich on white platePhoto by Jessica Loaiza on Unsplash
My grandpa was a country guy, who liked to fish, hunt, and ride ATV four-wheelers. He also liked to lie to kids, and just let you think whatever nonsense he put in your head. When I was young, we traveled to our weekend property in the sticks. I saw a cattail reed out near the lake and asked what it was. He said, “What’s it look like? Those are hot dog trees!”
We usually grilled for dinner. My mom and I went to get stuff, and she asked if we had hotdogs. I answered there were plenty of hot dogs back home. We showed up and started unloading all the groceries. My grandpa was filling up the grill as my mom prepped the food. She asked where the hot dogs were. I went to get a pair of scissors and got my shoes on.
She was very confused and upset after I told her I had to go cut them down and that Grandpa showed me where they were.
"Someday we'll laugh about this."
You have to wonder if the people involved in the following historical events saw the humor at the time—or ever.
People are laughing now.
Redditor crooked_yellow asked:
"Which event from history will always be funny?"
We All Fall Down
"Ancient Korea had special recording officials, whose job was to record everything. They were considered separate from the government, so the emperor of the time wasn’t allowed to give them orders or tell them not to record something."
"Of course, some emperors would try anyway."
"On one occasion, King Taejong (15th century) fell off his horse while hunting. The recorder nearby wrote it down. The emperor insisted that it be removed from the record, and even tried to have the report destroyed."
"This lead to some nonsense as the emperor kept destroying their work, but the recorders kept copying it and hiding it in increasingly obscure places. And of course, recorded the whole thing as it happened."
"A few hundred years later, and the only thing that emperor is famous for is trying to hide the fact he fell off his horse."
"I picture some dude writing something like:"
"'at 11:35am on Sunday, the 9th of September the emperor fell off his horse'."
"11:37 emperor says 'don't write that down'."
"11:39 emperor tries to take book from me'."
"11:43 emperor fell in mud chasing me yelling 'Don't write that!'"
"11:50 lunch is being set as the emperor cleans up. He is upset today'."
Monkey See, Monkey Won't Do
"During the Napoleonic wars a French ship sank off the coast of Hartlepool England. The only survivor was the captain’s pet monkey which he always dressed in a French military uniform. The locals freaked out because the law was that any French military found on British soil must be executed as a spy."
"So they ordered the standard punishment for spies—death by hanging. Except instead of dying, the monkey just kept climbing up the rope."
"Because it was a monkey."
"Hartlepool has since embraced their failure at executing a tinyprimate for military espionage."
"Their local football team mascot is H'Angus the Monkey."
"Spanish chicken farmer Juan Pujol Garcia tried to become a spy for the MI5, but they rejected him. He then applied to become a spy for the Nazi SS, who accepted him. The SS gave him the order to start a spy network in London, but instead he set up shop in Lisbon."
"There, he started feeding the Nazi commanders a bunch of BS intel, based on publicly available newspapers and magazines. They were believable enough for the Nazis to accept it as truth, even though they were completely made up. Every once in a while, he would be confronted about 'bad intel'."
"He'd blame it on one of his fictional subordinates, and told his commanders he had 'rectified the problem.' In one situation, he told the Nazi's that his subordinate 'had fallen ill' and later 'died'."
"A fake obituary was placed in the newspapers to back his story up. He even convinced the Nazis to pay a pension to the (again, FICTIONAL) agent's widow."
"The MI5 became aware of his existence after they saw the Kriegsmarine waste considerable effort in hunting down a non-existing convoy, based on Garcia's (again, fake) intel. They enrolled him into their ranks, and that's when his bullsh*ttery started getting serious.
"He was given the nickname 'Garbo' in reference to 'the best actor in the world' Greta Garbo."
"Because the Nazis believed he was 'one of theirs' they even sent him an Enigma, to encode the messages he was sending them. It was promptly turned over to the codebreakers at Bletchley Park."
"His most important work was on Operation Fortitude. He helped convince Nazi high command that the invasion of Normandy was a diversion—officers believed a larger army was due to land in Calais."
"For his 'efforts' he was awarded the Iron Cross, authorized by Hitler himself. Understandably, the medal was awarded via radio."
"He was then also given an MBE medal by the British king, making him one of two people known to have received such prestigious medals from both sides."
"He faked his death and fled to Venezuela after the war, where he then ran a bookshop. His secret identity was undiscovered until a journalist got interested in the story, and managed to track him down in 1984."
"He managed to finagle the real name of 'Garbo' from a former spy and then found Garcia after literally calling every 'J. Garcia' in the Barcalona phonebook until he managed to get in contact with Garcia's nephew."
"The whole story is just so incredibly goofy. It's a prime example of 'wait, that worked?'."
Eiffel Tower for Sale!
"The con man who sold the Eiffel Tower twice and got away with it."
"You left out the part where the same guy later conned Al Capone out of $5000. Between the Eiffel Tower, the Rumanian box, and conning one of the biggest gangsters in American history, Victor Lustig is a freaking legend."
Guess He Showed Them...
"When Persian king Xerxes punished the sea for ruining his bridge."
"He tried to build a bridge across the Dardanelles to get to Greece faster but a storm destroyed the bridge."
"'Infuriated with the sea, Xerxes ordered his soldiers to punish it by whipping it with chains 300 times and poking it with red-hot irons. Handcuffs were also tossed into the water to symbolize the sea’s submission to his authority'."
"Literal embodiment of 'old man yells at clouds' energy."
"In 1945 the Americans were pushing through Germany."
"General Eisenhower sent General Patton a message, instructing him not to take the city of Trier because it would require 4 divisions to seize the city."
"Patton sent a message back saying 'Have taken Trier with two divisions… what do you want me to do, give it back?'"
"In 1982 cartoonist Gary Larson drew a cartoon of a caveman giving a classroom lecture, pointing to the spikes of a stegasaurus dinosaur tail and calling that the thagomizer 'after the late Thag Simmons'."
"That particular arrangement of tail spikes had no name at the time, so scientists who were fans of Larson unofficially named it the thagomizer."
He Followed Us Home, Can We Keep Him?
"In 1866 when going to war, Liechtenstein's army of 80 men came back with 81 men after making a friend from the enemy's side."
"The Kettle War."
"It was the 8th of october 1784."
"The Dutch kingdom and then Holy Roman Empire had a short naval battle and the only casulty was a kettle full of soup that got hit by a cannonball and that was the only shot that was fired."
Apparently Bugs Was a Republican
"President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a rabbit while paddling around in a rowboat."
"The President was minding his own business rowing around a small pond and fishing when a rabbit left the shore and swam deliberately towards the boat, apparently crazed."
"Carter splashed the rabbit with water, driving it away from the boat."
"According to Press Secretary Jody Powell:"
“'Upon closer inspection, the animal turned out to be a rabbit. Not one of your cutesy, Easter Bunny-type rabbits, but one of those big splay-footed things that we called swamp rabbits when I was growing up'."
"The animal was clearly in distress, or perhaps berserk."
"The President confessed to having had limited experience with enraged rabbits."
"He was unable to reach a definite conclusion about its state of mind."
"What was obvious, however, was that this large, wet animal, making strange hissing noises and gnashing its teeth, was intent upon climbing into the Presidential boat.”
"Staff back on shore initially didn’t believe the president’s account, but a photographer managed to capture the moment."
"Carter’s political enemies used the incident as fodder to show that he was weak and claimed that his response to the rabbit attack incited the Soviet Union to invade Afghanistan that same year."
While these events are funny in hindsight, one has to wonder if people saw the humor in the moment.
Hopefully we're laughing with them and not just at them.
Death is always shocking and sad, but the ways people die can give way to a whole host of other emotions.
Sometimes people die in the most pointless of ways. Other times, they die in some sort of freak accident.
And other times, they die in the strangest way... or in a very ironic way.
Redditors know all about people who died in a weird way and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor Pitiable-Crescendo asked:
"What was the most disappointing movie you paid to see?"
"My mom's friend died in a plane crash. But she was on the ground. The plane fell on her."
Fast As You Can
"In 1923 Frank Hayes, a jockey from Ireland, died from a heart attack in the middle of a race. The horse, Sweet Kiss, ended up finishing in first place with the man's body still on top of it."
"The horse was a 20-1 outsider (very unlikely to win) and Hayes had never won a race prior to that event."
"Edit: He was from Ireland. The race that he died in took place in New York."
"I'd run really fast too if I had a dead animal on my back."
"Jennifer Strange - entered a radio competition to win a nintendo wii. 20 contestants had to keep drinking water and the last to wee wins the Wii. I can't remember if she won but she died of water intoxication a few hours later"
"I believe that a nurse heard about the contest and even called to warn them about the dangerous, yet she was ignored and they still continued the contest."
"Pour soul... wasn't she trying to win it for her son or something?"
Careful What You Dip
"2009: Vladimir Likhonos, 25, a student of Kyiv Polytechnic Institute from Konotop, was killed when his chewing gum exploded."
"Likhonos had a habit of dipping his chewing gum in citric acid to increase the gum's sour taste. On his work table police found about 100 grams (3.5 oz) of unidentified explosive powder which he used for chemistry studies. It resembled citric acid, and it is thought that he confused the two."
"The explosive was found to be four times stronger than TNT, and the explosion was possibly triggered either by reacting with Likhonos' saliva, or the pressure exerted by him chewing on the gum and explosive powder."
Proved His Case
"The lawyer who, while trying to prove that his client did not shoot the victim but the victim had accidentally shot themselves, managed to shoot himself with the gun and died later. His client was acquitted."
"Well, he's an effective lawyer that's for sure."
"Effective, but single use."
"Tommy Cooper, a brilliant British standup/prop comedian had a heart attack on stage and the crowd thought it was part of the act. You can watch it on youtube, crowd is laughing the whole way through."
"Not necessarily the weirdest, but I remember hearing about a guy who wanted to train a goat to be aggressive (I think he wanted a guard goat or something?). He did this by chaining it on a balcony and going out to beat it daily. One day the goat headbutts him, knocks him off the balcony, and kills goner."
Novelty Of Molasses
"In 1919, a large tank of molasses broke open in Boston, Massachusetts. The tank was 50 feet tall and 27 feet in diameter. When it burst, 21 people died from the flood. Some were crushed by the wave of molasses and debris. Others suffocated under the dense fluid. One name for the event is The Boston Molassacre."
Inside The Dinosaur
"The guy in Spain who died inside of a papier-mâché Stegosaurus statue. He'd dropped his cellphone and was looking for it inside the statue (I guess?) and he got trapped and died."
"If it’s papier-mâché can’t he just break it and get out?
"I guess not."
"Edit: looking at this further, he was stuck head first down one of the legs. Not much you can do when stuck like that."
No Point In Growing It Out
"Heard about a man with a very, very long beard. During a fire, he accidentally stumbled on his beard while running for his life and snapped his neck."
"Not how I expected that to go after reading about the beard and the fire."
So Very Strange
"Back in Victorian times, a man startled a mouse. The mouse panicked and ran up the man's pant legs, and continued up until it passed his shirt collar. Desperate for a place to hide, it darted into the man's mouth when he let out a cry of surprise and got lodged in his throat. Suffocation."
As if mice didn't scare me enough before I heard this story!