More specifically, when it comes to men who lack self-awareness, the things they say or do in the presence of women can be highly inappropriate or intimidatig.
Unless they are called out for their toxic masculinity, guys will continue to get away with it.
Fortunately for this thread, women pointed out a few things everyone could benefit from when Reddit metallicmuffin asked:
"Women of Reddit, what things do men do that frighten you without them even realizing it?"
For the guys don't have a clue, things were spelled out for them.
Not Up For Debate
"Demanding justification for every no, and when it's given, arguing about how my reasons aren't valid."
– nesapotamia01
Lack Of Spatial Awareness
"Invading my space. I used a massage chair a few weeks ago at the gym, and it’s one of the newer models that will lift you and bring you to a reclined position about three feet off the ground (I’m 5’1 so for some that may not seem too high, but for me it’s pretty elevated feeling. There was this man who walked into the room, kept looking at me, and tapped me to ask me my name and tell me I was 'pretty.'"
"I had headphones in, my eyes were shut, and I CLEARLY was not wanting to engage with anyone. Flashed him my engagement ring (my fiancé wasn’t at the gym at the time) and told him my fiancé was coming to join me. Never saw a man book it so hard."
"It’s so frustrating that no matter who CLEAR you are trying to make the fact you are a woman who is not interested in talking to people it’s not respected. Until you insinuate a more masculine partner is present."
"May have been intentional there, but I feel like a lot of times invasion of space can be unintentional."
– BlooberrySoftServe
In Conversation
"The only things they say to you (even if not inappropriate) are sexually charged or are inappropriate…"
– Lumpy-Actuary8275
Obsessed
"This dude used to come into The restaurant I was waitressing at and would wear this 'Cum & Go' shirt and would offer to buy a bunch of underage girls shots. He didn’t realize he was creepy, you could tell by the way he paraded his friends around with his boom box and play loud music on the patio of the restaurant. Apparently he was a rich pr*ck who donated money to the restaurant all the time."
"After I left, I heard a story that he fixated on one of the waitresses that was nice to him, and he would follow her around and to her car. He even bought her a sh*t Ton of expensive presents for Christmas which she refused."
– Catcrazyfwm
There Are Boundaries
"It's not frightening, per se, but it definitely makes me wary because it could lead to situations that are frightening..."
"When talking to a guy, he's super pushy. Like, asking for pics of this and that (and that) and even saying no, they're still pushy... all that makes me do is not want to meet him. If he's THIS pushy via text/messaging, how pushy is he going to be in person? If he can't take no NOW, what are the odds he can take no in person?"
"I once had a guy DEMAND that I rank my sexual partners. I told him no. I told him 'I can't and I won't.' Dude flew off the digital handle. I blocked him right then."
– erikalg_vo
Just because a woman is by herself doesn't mean it's an invitation to get to know them.
Creepy Ride
"Approaching while in a car and blocking our path with said car. Happened while I was on a walk so he could have parked, approached on foot, and maintained a respectable distance."
– stellacdy
When Not To Approach A Woman
"Please don't talk to or approach a woman pumping gas, especially at night. I'm sure the moon does look amazing but I am not interested right now. Gas stations are creepy enough without having to make small talk with a stranger. This goes for parking lots at night as well."
– museum-mama
He Just Wanted To Be Friends
"Oh god I had one of these guys, he 'opened' the train door for me to get off (it opens automatically) and so I said 'thanks.' Apparently he took that as an invitation, because he then followed me through the station trying to talk to me. I was polite but dismissive. He was creeping me out so I stopped to top up my metro card even though I didn’t need to. He stopped and waited for me. I pretended I didn’t see him."
"He then followed me out of the station asking me where I lived (I lied) and then asked me if I had a boyfriend (I said yes). He then asked if I had Facebook (I didn’t answer) and then asked me if my boyfriend had my Facebook password?? He then told me 'you don’t need to be scared of me, I just want to be friends.'”
"By this stage I was fully freaked and was texting my boyfriend about it. I didn’t want to go to my bus stop in case he followed me home, so I walked to the most populated street I could find, still ignoring him while he followed me. Eventually I went into a supermarket and thankfully lost him."
"I have never spoken to a man on a train or at a station ever again. I don’t even make eye contact."
– lorealashblonde
Please, Don't Follow
"Too many people feel comfortable doing this. I had a stranger do that to me on Hollywood Boulevard once. Ended up going into the CVS and asking a friend to come and walk me home."
"People: A lot of us are not prepared for a stranger to follow us around. Whether or not your intentions are good, it makes us uncomfortable. Find a different way."
– yendysailartsua
Things don't always turn out horrific.
"Horrible Date Plan"
"3 years ago I matched with a guy on tinder and agreed to meet up with him. He suggested going to a park and when I got there it was a heavily wooded area with a trail and I stupidly followed him into the trail. We walked around for a while, sat on some rocks, then it started getting dark and we decided to head out but we ended up getting lost and not being able to find the exit and we stumbled upon a grave sized hole in the dirt and at this point it was pitch black and I was thinking it was all a set it up and that I was going to be ambushed. I pointed out the grave sized hole and he seemed scared too so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and stayed quiet. We finally found an exit after about an hour of stumbling in pitch black darkness. We’re still dating to this day and I’ve brought up what a horrible date plan that was, and how it came off the wrong way lol and he said he didn’t realize it at the time. It was a total curb your enthusiasm moment (I was picked up that day so I didn’t have a car with me to back out and drive home, so that was pretty dumb of me too)"
– Top_Ant40
Lesson Learned
"Guy who I sometimes see at work, has at least 20 years on me, f''king pulled my ponytail to 'say hi' one time. So shocked that I just smiled awkwardly and didn't say anything. Like what world are you living in that you think that's okay??"
"Edit: This got kinda big. Some more details -- I was able to talk to him later that day about how that wasn't acceptable and to not do anything like it in the future. He actually took it pretty well and has been fine to work with since. In this case, since there was no escalation, and I know my boss and other coworkers have my back, I didn't feel the need to do anything further. While some people have good intentions and don't know their behavior is out of line--those actions still cause hurt. Personally, as long as the person is able to acknowledge that hurt and do better moving forward, I'm good with them. Malicious predators are a different story. It can be hard to tell the difference in some situations. Y'all be careful out there."
– almeisan_s
Gentlemen, check yourselves–especially your behavior around women who don't know you.
Some of your actions could be interpreted differently than your intentions, and it's time women's voices are heard.
Fun to do, not to watch.
"Watching people eat."- elladeighthecat·
Just not my style
"Gauged ears, or is it gaged ears?"
"I don't know."
"Big gross holes in people's ears gross me the f*ck out."- alienanimal
Blood? No problem. Saliva on the other hand...
"Spit."
"I was a nurse for 6 months before I found a better paying job and I could deal with blood, feces and urine no problem but if someone is drooling or spitting it grossed me out."- sayziell
watching arrested development GIFGiphyJust because it's nature doesn't mean it isn't gross.
"When animals are 'doin' it'."- Colonelfudgenustard
Every month!
"Periods."
"I know it's completely normal but just the initial cramps and mood swings honestly suck."
oscar isaac eating GIFNot pleasant to watch or do.
"Vomiting."
"The feeling after you puke is terrific."
"It's all the sh*t you feel beforehand and the act of throwing up itself that weirds me out."- geico_fire
No one needs them or needs to see them.
"Skin tags."
"I know people can’t help them and they’re painful to remove but they make me physically ill."- Stealthnt13
Wash your freakin' hands!
"Dirt in your nails"- dejavuthrills
If I didn't actually have to, I wouldn't...
"Pooping!"- stormwaltz
Toilet Pooping GIF by Alberto PozoGiphyPerhaps what's most difficult about these particular aversions, is that ignoring or avoiding them, or simply looking the other way might not be possible.
Leaving one no other choice than to grin and bear it.
And maybe occasionally withhold the vomit you feel coming...