Being an officer means making quick calls on the fly. You need to take in a flurry of information, comprehend what's happening, then understand what to do from there. So, what do you do when the information coming to you doesn't make any sense and is, strangely enough, true?
Reddit user, u/XxJIAA99xX, wanted the men and women of law enforcement to share:
But He Still Bought It, Right?
GiphyDuring a search of a person I pulled out a bag of a sticky dark substance consistent with heroin. The subject had multiple drug priors and is a known heavy heroin user. He immediately tells me it is burnt sugar and he is pissed someone sold it to him.
Long story short when i tested the substance it did not test positive for heroin.
I Mean...Whatever Floats Your Boat
Former marechaussee here (look it up it is a Dutch thing, police but also military). We also had jurisdiction over the american soldiers stationed here. One day we got called over to a possible case of domestic violence. We arrive at the house and the guy opened wearing only underwear . He told us he and his wife were roleplaying. Ofcourse we didn't trust this and asked to see his wife. After denying us entry we told we would come back with a warrant. He reluctanly agreed to let us enter.
So we go in and he opened the basement door and inside was the freakiest sex dungeon. I mean chains, whips things I couldn't identify hanging on the wall. And in the middle hanging in chains was his butt naked wife. We asked her but she told everything was okay. Turned out they were really into some kinky stuff. Asked them to keep the screaming part in the basement and to a minimal. We did the whole thing with a straight face but as soon as we were in the car......
Messing Up A Deal
I'm running booking one night, guy gets brought in for posessing a truly stupendous amount of drugs. Im talking like 2 rubbermade totes full of shrooms, a huge bag of weed, and enough heroin to overdose half the county. "Well," says he, "I'm a DEA informant and they told me to make the drop so they could be there and raid the crap out of everybody and let me go for helping."
Uh huh. riiiiiight. Face left please.
Guy is like "I'm tellin you dude, theyre gonna be suuuuper pissed that you mess up thier bust!"
Whatever, get in the holding cell and shut up.
About 3 hours later three guys show up, DEA agents, theyre super pissed that our deputies f-cked up thier bust. I go back to the holding cell to let the guy out, and he's just like "theyre super pissed huh?"
yeah.
"told you so."
They Have People Everywhere...
I went to a disturbance at a backyard bbq once. Turns out it was a bunch of Roma (gypsies). As I was trying to figure out what was going on I had some old lady approach me and want to talk to me off to the side.
She told me she was an informant for the FBI and that if I left, she would be able to get some information on a matter the FBI was interested in. I rolled my eyes and thanked her and said I would be out of there as soon as I could make sure there was no violence going on.
Anyway I determined it was just verbal so I cleared the call and went back in service. About 15 to 30 minutes later dispatch radioed me to head back to the station. I got there and got a message to call some FBI Field office and ask for a certain agent.
I called and sure enough this agent said he understood I spoke with his informant and wanted to know everything she told me.
Blew my mind.
Bursting At The Seams
My dad is an officer and he pulled someone over for speeding and running a red light and they said their breast implant burst. He called ems to rush them to the hospital and turned out it did and it's actually very dangerous if they leak.
He's Not Wrong, Right?
My dad was a cop and my favorite story of his goes like this:
He's a young cop in a rough neighborhood. It's so late that the stop lights are flashing red, meaning treat it like a stop sign. Out of nowhere this pink caddy goes rollin through the intersection. My dad pulls him over. A big black dude was driving, the caddy had fur interior, dice in the mirror. A real "pimp" car if you know what I mean. My dad goes "sir do you know you ran that light back there" and this guy says "officer, I do believe I got between the flashes." My dad was laughing so hard he had to let the guy go
It's All The Allen Screws, Isn't It?
GiphyCop here - got a call of a domestic dispute that sounded very heated and a lot of banging was heard. Get to scene and I can hear someone yelling and swearing and brawling, doesn't sound good at all. Guy answers the door, shirt off and angry, but seems bewildered as to why police had been called.
He told me he was building Ikea furniture - sounds like the most bullsh-t thing. But, we enter, see the new IKEA furniture half set up and no one else is home. Colour me surprised.
How Can You Not Cry?
Mid July in like 2008? - Young kid going 93 in a 55... I swing and he immediately pulls over. Approaching the car, his first words before I can even start speaking, "My dog died, he hung himself! I gotta get back before my mom gets home!"
Wat.jpg
Anyway, he calls other family members, his Aunt, Uncle and 2 cousins come out to the stop and between all their sobbing, they verify that the dog had actually hopped over the fence on a leash/runner and couldn't get back over. Everyone's crying now. They showed me a photo on their phone.
Apparently they found the dog and called the kid at work and he just left. I didn't even bother verifying further than that. Cousin drove the kids car back so they could take care of the dog and prepare for Mom.
Some said that I should have wrote him, but losing an animal sucks enough, he knew he f---ed up and adding financial burden to him wasn't going to help him or me.
Redditor AMGBOI69420 wanted all the men out there to share some necessities, so they asked:
"What are some 'guy secrets' girls don't know about?"
Decisions.
Don't be afraid to make them.
Guys appreciate a decisive nature.
But don't be aggressive.
Thank You...
Episode 5 Thank You GIF by PBSGiphy"We will NEVER forget getting a compliment. I used the same conditioner until it went out of production because someone told me my hair felt soft and smelled nice."
LordSwitchblade
Good Morning
"Sometimes when it's up, it's not because we're horny. But don't let that stop you, Queen."
Spiceinvader1234
"I once had a guy tell me 'If a guy has a morning erection it doesn’t mean you turn him on, he was probably just having a sex dream about someone else.' Ever since then I NEVER try to initiate anything in the morning. Is that true?"
LoisLaneintheRain
"It‘s because the body tests any function while you sleep and most of the time that time you begin to wake up it tests the function to get an erection."
Gennerig_LP
Back Up...
"Nice try honey, I still won’t tell you where I keep my snacks."
XxLongoTxX
"Oh, I found them. Days before I was silently soaking in the glory of my private eye skills while we watched (XYZ) on Netflix, and relishing over the fact that the joys of your deceit will soon evaporate into the void during the exact moment you discover you’ve been left with only the lemon flavored ones."
TheOGPotatoPredator
And you are?
"Dudes can be friends for years and not know each other's real name."
theonetrueemanu
"I've lived in my house for 2 years. I chat with my neighbor just about every day when leaving for work. I didn't want to ask him his name so I looked up the property records to find out that information."
ku_chi_mun_chin
"I worked in a grocery store with a guy who went by his middle name. I went by a nickname completely unrelated to my name. We both found out we didn't know each other's real names until 2 years after we started working together."
Funkeysismychildhood
Breathe
Tuesday Morning Reaction GIF by The Secret Life Of PetsGiphy"That big sigh my wife just asked about while we’re watching the 10 o’clock news? Nothing profound, nothing bugging me, I just remembered to breathe."
Gudakesa
Breathing is everything. It can change every moment.
What Up?
houston rockets yo GIF by TwitterGiphy"We have an entire language around the headnod."
baka2k10
"It’s weirdly sophisticated too. You can actually tell how comfortable guys are around each other based on if they say hello with an up-nod or a down-nod."
Juxta_Lightborne
Fake it until...
"Sometimes, that male confidence that you find attractive is us totally faking it while shaking on the inside, insecure AF."
Ok_Technology390
"I just had this exact conversation with my husband the other day. I was telling him how he seems so confident and I would never guess that he's really nervous or that he's not sure of himself."
"I would've never dreamed he gets all nervous and all that good stuff still to this day with me. I don't feel like it's still sunk in completely bc I was so shocked at how nervous he was explaining he'd get at times lol so props to the guys who fake it til they make it. Keep on bc you're doing a good job 💯."
Exciting-Courage4148
Stay Calm
"We don’t want to tell you certain things are worrying us because we do not want you to worry also… now there are just two people worrying, whereas before, one was worrying, and the other was happy, which is a reminder to us not to worry so much."
Mundane_Tour_3215
"It's a bit different if the person you're telling can do something about the issue, but for something currently unsolvable there's no reason to extend the misery to anyone else."
Zncon
Just say it!
"Please for the love of God let us know if you’re into us. Don’t wait for us to tell you first because we won’t because we don’t want to be called creeps."
Wunderbolts
"My current partner and I used to flirt and talk through text all day, every day for months before I told our best friends. I was so into him, but unsure how he felt. My girlfriend was like: he’s usually just like that; he’s friendly with all of our other friends that are girls and would even ask me if I wanted to stream things with him when [her bf and his best friend] was at work."
"So I put that to rest. But then his friend helped a little bit by interfering and he was nonchalant about his feelings for me to him. When I got the green light I should just do it, I admitted my feelings for him. We’re close to celebrating a year in our LDR. We met in person for the first time a couple of months ago and he’s coming here soon. Best decision of my life to just say how I was feeling."
emeraldpotion
So many secrets.
So many truths.
Lesson? Try not to worry.