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Cops Reveal The Dumbest Criminals They've Ever Met

Police officers can run into all sorts of criminals over the course of their careers and not all of them are necessarily the sharpest knives in the drawer.

Today's burning question came from Redditor NobleDragon777, who asked the online community: "Cops of Reddit, what is the most stupid criminal you have ever met?"

There are a lot of them out there. Law enforcement officers and even regular citizens chimed in.


"3 guys broke in through a large window..."

Not a cop but I used to work at a smoke shop. 3 guys broke in through a large window, left blood everywhere just trying to get in. Walked right past the high end fancy expensive glass and proceeded to grab as many cheap Chinese bongs as possible. They went back through the window breaking 2 or 3 bongs in the process of crawling through the tiny hole they made probably cutting themselves even more than they already have and high tailed it across the street.

They seemed to have dropped damn near everything while running because there was literally a trail of broken glass leading to the apartment across the street. Cops came, followed the glass trail leading directly to someones door. Looked over the little fence to their bottom floor balcony and saw 3 guys all cut up smoking from a broken bong. We estimated they took 8 or 9 bongs, they were smoking from the only survivor. They turned out to be regulars. Never seem em again after that.

chino520

"So I went home, called the cops..."

Not a cop myself, but about 10 years ago I got held up and robbed by a group of 3 guys with knives. All they wanted was the money in my wallet, so me being the smart guy not wanting to mess with knives just obliged. At the end of the ordeal he put the knife to my throat and said "If you ever tell the cops my name is <redacted> I will slice your throat right now".


So I went home, called the cops, told em where it happened and gave them the name they guy told me. The name instantly rung a bell with them since the guy had come into contact with the police in the past. Cops went to the spot where I was robbed and they were laying in ambush for a new guy to appear. They could instantly identify the guy he was arrested and thats about it.

Happened in the Netherlands, don't know his sentence or anything.

Omugaru

"Teen gets fired..."

Teen gets fired from Red Lobster, returns to rob same restaurant that night. They refuse to give him money from register so he grabs charity coin box (muscular dystrophy or similar) and then he leaves on bicycle. I go to find him and see coins scattered about, follow trail off same which leads me to him hiding in bushes at a church. Bicycle was leaning up against the bush he was in.

dumbgringo

"Went to a job..."

Went to a job of 2 males attempting to break into a car. Job description said they had been at it for at least an hour.

Got there and the car was theirs. They had apparently locked themselves out. Checks confirmed it did belong to one of the persons mum. On their person was stolen mail and heaps of phones and new stuff in boxes in the car so they got arrested for theft anyway.

Ended up that the drivers door they had been trying to break into was the only locked door out of the 4. Was unlocked everywhere else the whole time they were there.

Benny_skater69

"My ex stole a car..."

Giphy

My ex stole a car and went to pick up his friend at the police station in the stolen car. He parked right in front of a cop. The cop ran the plates and escorted him into the building. Next day, he was on the news as the most stupid criminal in town.

dorvekowi

"Took a vehicle burglary report..."

Took a vehicle burglary report where the victim found a drivers license sitting on her driver seat that the suspect must have left behind. Seems damning, but if he had any criminal smarts he would just say his license was stolen and the thief must have dropped it while breaking into this new victim's vehicle. Without any other evidence, the case would have gone nowhere.

The next day I take a report at a church that was a couple of blocks away from the vehicle burglary. This guy stole the video cameras from the building. He must have thought the footage came with the camera, because when we checked the video, there was a High Def close-up of the suspects face as he removed the camera. Good evidence, sure, but I still didn't know who the guy was... until I looked at the license I collected the day prior and saw it was the same exact guy.

Requirement6

"He once told me a story..."

My father is a police officer. He once told me a story of a call he went to for reports of a man and woman fighting in an apartment (call came from neighbors for noise complaints/concern). He was 3rd shift, so this was at some point very late at night, when all the crazy people are up and at em. When he arrived he could hear the yelling through the door, he knocked and let them know it was the police.

There was immediate silence and a man answered the door... completely naked. The naked man didn't even give my dad a chance to speak or ask questions, the first thing he said was "I don't have a knife behind my back." Well, he definitely did have a knife behind his back. And the naked woman he was with had drugs, which was what they were fighting over. They both got arrested that night. Tip: don't do illegal drugs, and if you do, don't answer the door for the cops.

cambastian8

"Social media is a treasure trove..."

Can't go into too much detail, but kid (14) shot another kid (15) in the leg after a fight in their apartment complex. The victim is able to describe the gun the shooter used in detail. We get get shooters name from another kid who knows him from school, my partner looks up his Instagram and would you believe it, there he is posing with the gun described to us exactly.

Social media is a treasure trove of wannabe gangsters incriminating themselves.

Maverik45

"So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork."

So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork. I'm looking out of the window, and a few yards away is a bus stop. A young lad is smashing the glass of the bus stop, as a way of showing off to a couple of girls. So I sigh, walk about 20 yards over to him and arrest him.

Another time, a lad had just broken into a pharmacy and stolen some drugs. Sleeping tablets, which he started taking (maybe to hide the evidence - who knows how these people's minds work). There's a foot chase, which gets slower, and slower, and slower... I ended up just walking slowly behind him. The guy fell asleep while I was booking him in.

oddstream

"My cousin is a State Trooper..."

My cousin is a State Trooper, and he had a funny story about a guy he caught running drugs on the interstate. One day as he was about to head off duty, he saw a car going easily 100mph in the opposite direction, so he whipped around and eventually caught up to him and pulled him over. The first words out of the guy's mouth were, "You can't pull me over!" To which my cousin replied, "Um, I just did?"

After a search of the vehicle that yielded a pound of weed, a pistol with the serial number scratched off, some meth, and a notebook with his own rap lyrics, my cousin arrested the guy. While questioning him, he read some of his lyrics back to him including the line, "Ain't no pig ever gon catch me... F--- the police"

SteveHeaves

"He basically gave himself away."

My dad is a cop and he was interrogating a robber which was denying he had any involvement since the start.

Dad: "The Man told us that you robbed him of $500!"

Robber: "No it was only $300!"

He basically gave himself away.

invalidusermyass

"An idiot high schooler..."

My dad is a cop, and I remember that he called me one night and said that he wanted to tell me how glad he was that I'm not as stupid as the guy he arrested that night. An idiot high schooler was caught stealing alcohol after his fake ID was rejected. His fake ID said he was born in 2001, three years younger than he actually was. Poor guy couldn't work out why his ID didn't work. My dad recommended that he pay better attention in math class.

Gideon_Syme

"I pulled over a dude..."

Ex police officer here,

I pulled over a dude for having a brake light out. Nothing serious, ran his plated and the likes. It all came back clean and nothing seemed off, until he exclaimed, "I haven't had any alcohol!" In an over enthusiastic tone.... for some reason he thought this was a good idea... so nearly got away with it (vodka doesnt smell). I breathalised him... legal limit in England is 35 he blew over 60.... Arrested on the spot and his vehicle towed. Idiot.

Dintox

"We had an inmate..."

We had an inmate that would constantly call crime stoppers on his contraband cell phone and try to get them to give him the reward if he confessed to his crimes. He did this several times a month.

sccrj888

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.