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Cops Reveal The Dumbest Criminals They've Ever Met

Police officers can run into all sorts of criminals over the course of their careers and not all of them are necessarily the sharpest knives in the drawer.

Today's burning question came from Redditor NobleDragon777, who asked the online community: "Cops of Reddit, what is the most stupid criminal you have ever met?"

There are a lot of them out there. Law enforcement officers and even regular citizens chimed in.


"3 guys broke in through a large window..."

Not a cop but I used to work at a smoke shop. 3 guys broke in through a large window, left blood everywhere just trying to get in. Walked right past the high end fancy expensive glass and proceeded to grab as many cheap Chinese bongs as possible. They went back through the window breaking 2 or 3 bongs in the process of crawling through the tiny hole they made probably cutting themselves even more than they already have and high tailed it across the street.

They seemed to have dropped damn near everything while running because there was literally a trail of broken glass leading to the apartment across the street. Cops came, followed the glass trail leading directly to someones door. Looked over the little fence to their bottom floor balcony and saw 3 guys all cut up smoking from a broken bong. We estimated they took 8 or 9 bongs, they were smoking from the only survivor. They turned out to be regulars. Never seem em again after that.

chino520

"So I went home, called the cops..."

Not a cop myself, but about 10 years ago I got held up and robbed by a group of 3 guys with knives. All they wanted was the money in my wallet, so me being the smart guy not wanting to mess with knives just obliged. At the end of the ordeal he put the knife to my throat and said "If you ever tell the cops my name is <redacted> I will slice your throat right now".


So I went home, called the cops, told em where it happened and gave them the name they guy told me. The name instantly rung a bell with them since the guy had come into contact with the police in the past. Cops went to the spot where I was robbed and they were laying in ambush for a new guy to appear. They could instantly identify the guy he was arrested and thats about it.

Happened in the Netherlands, don't know his sentence or anything.

Omugaru

"Teen gets fired..."

Teen gets fired from Red Lobster, returns to rob same restaurant that night. They refuse to give him money from register so he grabs charity coin box (muscular dystrophy or similar) and then he leaves on bicycle. I go to find him and see coins scattered about, follow trail off same which leads me to him hiding in bushes at a church. Bicycle was leaning up against the bush he was in.

dumbgringo

"Went to a job..."

Went to a job of 2 males attempting to break into a car. Job description said they had been at it for at least an hour.

Got there and the car was theirs. They had apparently locked themselves out. Checks confirmed it did belong to one of the persons mum. On their person was stolen mail and heaps of phones and new stuff in boxes in the car so they got arrested for theft anyway.

Ended up that the drivers door they had been trying to break into was the only locked door out of the 4. Was unlocked everywhere else the whole time they were there.

Benny_skater69

"My ex stole a car..."

Giphy

My ex stole a car and went to pick up his friend at the police station in the stolen car. He parked right in front of a cop. The cop ran the plates and escorted him into the building. Next day, he was on the news as the most stupid criminal in town.

dorvekowi

"Took a vehicle burglary report..."

Took a vehicle burglary report where the victim found a drivers license sitting on her driver seat that the suspect must have left behind. Seems damning, but if he had any criminal smarts he would just say his license was stolen and the thief must have dropped it while breaking into this new victim's vehicle. Without any other evidence, the case would have gone nowhere.

The next day I take a report at a church that was a couple of blocks away from the vehicle burglary. This guy stole the video cameras from the building. He must have thought the footage came with the camera, because when we checked the video, there was a High Def close-up of the suspects face as he removed the camera. Good evidence, sure, but I still didn't know who the guy was... until I looked at the license I collected the day prior and saw it was the same exact guy.

Requirement6

"He once told me a story..."

My father is a police officer. He once told me a story of a call he went to for reports of a man and woman fighting in an apartment (call came from neighbors for noise complaints/concern). He was 3rd shift, so this was at some point very late at night, when all the crazy people are up and at em. When he arrived he could hear the yelling through the door, he knocked and let them know it was the police.

There was immediate silence and a man answered the door... completely naked. The naked man didn't even give my dad a chance to speak or ask questions, the first thing he said was "I don't have a knife behind my back." Well, he definitely did have a knife behind his back. And the naked woman he was with had drugs, which was what they were fighting over. They both got arrested that night. Tip: don't do illegal drugs, and if you do, don't answer the door for the cops.

cambastian8

"Social media is a treasure trove..."

Can't go into too much detail, but kid (14) shot another kid (15) in the leg after a fight in their apartment complex. The victim is able to describe the gun the shooter used in detail. We get get shooters name from another kid who knows him from school, my partner looks up his Instagram and would you believe it, there he is posing with the gun described to us exactly.

Social media is a treasure trove of wannabe gangsters incriminating themselves.

Maverik45

"So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork."

So I'm sitting in the station, doing paperwork. I'm looking out of the window, and a few yards away is a bus stop. A young lad is smashing the glass of the bus stop, as a way of showing off to a couple of girls. So I sigh, walk about 20 yards over to him and arrest him.

Another time, a lad had just broken into a pharmacy and stolen some drugs. Sleeping tablets, which he started taking (maybe to hide the evidence - who knows how these people's minds work). There's a foot chase, which gets slower, and slower, and slower... I ended up just walking slowly behind him. The guy fell asleep while I was booking him in.

oddstream

"My cousin is a State Trooper..."

My cousin is a State Trooper, and he had a funny story about a guy he caught running drugs on the interstate. One day as he was about to head off duty, he saw a car going easily 100mph in the opposite direction, so he whipped around and eventually caught up to him and pulled him over. The first words out of the guy's mouth were, "You can't pull me over!" To which my cousin replied, "Um, I just did?"

After a search of the vehicle that yielded a pound of weed, a pistol with the serial number scratched off, some meth, and a notebook with his own rap lyrics, my cousin arrested the guy. While questioning him, he read some of his lyrics back to him including the line, "Ain't no pig ever gon catch me... F--- the police"

SteveHeaves

"He basically gave himself away."

My dad is a cop and he was interrogating a robber which was denying he had any involvement since the start.

Dad: "The Man told us that you robbed him of $500!"

Robber: "No it was only $300!"

He basically gave himself away.

invalidusermyass

"An idiot high schooler..."

My dad is a cop, and I remember that he called me one night and said that he wanted to tell me how glad he was that I'm not as stupid as the guy he arrested that night. An idiot high schooler was caught stealing alcohol after his fake ID was rejected. His fake ID said he was born in 2001, three years younger than he actually was. Poor guy couldn't work out why his ID didn't work. My dad recommended that he pay better attention in math class.

Gideon_Syme

"I pulled over a dude..."

Ex police officer here,

I pulled over a dude for having a brake light out. Nothing serious, ran his plated and the likes. It all came back clean and nothing seemed off, until he exclaimed, "I haven't had any alcohol!" In an over enthusiastic tone.... for some reason he thought this was a good idea... so nearly got away with it (vodka doesnt smell). I breathalised him... legal limit in England is 35 he blew over 60.... Arrested on the spot and his vehicle towed. Idiot.

Dintox

"We had an inmate..."

We had an inmate that would constantly call crime stoppers on his contraband cell phone and try to get them to give him the reward if he confessed to his crimes. He did this several times a month.

sccrj888

People Share The Weirdest Facts They Know

Reddit user Former_Ladder9969 asked: 'What is a weird fact you know for some reason?'

Man explaining weird theory
Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash

We've all heard some things that sound too good to be true, but we've also certainly heard some things that were too weird to be true.

But as strange as they might sound, from weird scientific facts to things that people have done to animals that actually exist outside of a distant, mystical realm, there are some things that are simply, stranger than fiction.

Curious about others' takes, Redditor Former_Ladder9969 asked:

"What is a weird fact you know for some reason?"

The Draw of the Deck

"The King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache."

- MR_dizzaster

"He's also sticking a sword in his head."

- Uwumeshu

"He was shaving and missed."

- puneralissimo

Random Facts About Strangers

"Diddy, the music artist, doesn’t like the way towels feel on his skin. So instead of drying off like a normal person after a shower, he walks around his house to air dry instead."

"Why do I know this?"

"Because for some reason, this was a fact given during an old show on VH1 called 'Pop Up Videos,' where they would play a music video with random facts being shown throughout. I have zero idea why of all the vital things I should have stored in my memory, this was one that stuck after all these years."

- dabking24

Spacial Awareness

"Australia is wider than the moon."

- MrSatanachia

"I can't decide if I'm more amazed that the moon is actually way smaller than I imagined, or that Australia is way bigger than I imagined."

- 5Beans6

"This is my confusion, lol (laughing out loud)."

- TheTinyHandsofTRex

That's Commitment

"Crabs have a muscle that enables them to release their claw if they have to."

- Norwegianxrp

"It took me an incredibly long time to realize this means like… fully release it, like remove it from their body. I thought it just meant release the grip they have."

- wowowaoa

Mystical Representation

"The national animal of Scotland is a Unicorn."

- Batmans-dragon80

"Yes, that’s true. Mainly because we have so many of them roaming wild in the glens. Chasing the Haggi and avoiding Nessie."

- Bri1311

Education through Music

"Because of a song that used to constantly play on the radio I have it pretty well memorized that there are 86,400 seconds in the average day."

- Vanilla_Neko

"Because of a song on the radio, I learned that the minimum expectation for displays of love can be measured in 500 miles."

- Slight_Bodybuilder25

Where the Grass is Greener... and Newer

"There were no grasses on the earth when dinosaurs were here."

- Snowfl4ke85

"During the Jurassic and the Early Cretaceous, the higher flora was dominated by cycads, ginkgoes, conifers, and ferns. Other groups of plants included extinct seed plants with fern-like foliage. The exact origins of flowering plants are uncertain, although evidence suggests that they are not closely related to any group of modern non-flowering plants."

"Flowering plants underwent rapid radiation beginning around the middle of the Cretaceous period, and makeup around 90% of living plant species today. With the spread of these plants came the decline of previously dominant groups such as conifers. During the Cretaceous, ferns would also begin to diversify."

"The oldest known fossils of grasses are from the Early Cretaceous, with the family having diversified into modern groups by the end of the Cretaceous. The oldest large flowering trees are known from the Late Cretaceous, with the trunk having a preserved diameter of one-point-eight meters and an estimated height of 50 meters."

- UnexpectedDinoLesson

Weird Way to Say Hello

"Manatees control their buoyancy by farting. Toot toot, floaty sea cow."

- Plane-Vacation-1228

"Wait, so those bubbles you see on the water surface that signify their presence are...?"

- DismalDude77

Goals for Building the Longest Train...

"There's no maximum length to a train, you just add another engine."

- TrueGritt90

"That tracks."

- Snedro

The Smallest Philosopher

"That dead ants produce a pheromone that alerts the other ants that they need to move them to the ant graveyard."

"If a drop of this pheromone is placed on a live ant, it will take itself to the graveyard and stay there until the pheromone dissipates."

- Jessi_L_1324

"The ant: Am I dead?"

- Professional_Stay748

"That ant would make a great philosopher."

- skatalite2020

High-Risk Flights

"Some military helicopters on aircraft carriers are made of magnesium and should they catch fire, it's literally impossible to put them out as the magnesium will take the oxygen from the water and use that to keep burning."

"So the only thing that can be done is to push them overboard and even as they sink they will continue to burn until the magnesium is completely burned up."

- Strange_Stage1311

The First Scapegoat

"Some tribes of ancient people used to tie up a goat, whisper their sins to it, then allow it to 'accidentally' escape so it would carry their sins away and thus resolve them of guilt."

"It was, literally, their 'escape goat,' and that's where the term 'scapegoat' comes from."

- TheAbyssGazesAlso

The Power of Percentages

"Percentages can be reversed."

"For example, five percent of ten is ten percent of five."

- Routine_Leading_4757

"43 years and I'm only learning this now."

- TheMechTech80

Wordy Phobias

"The fear of long words is called 'hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.'

- Illustrious_Hawk_734

"Also, the fear of palindromes is called 'aibohphobia,' which just goes to show that the people who name phobias are a**holes."

- PhoenixMason13

"The question is, who even has a fear of palindromes?"

- ConduckKing

"Eve, Bob, and Hannah."

- Lostarchitorture

Not only are these facts unexpected, but it's wild to think that some of them are true.

But the simple, plain truth is that the truth is always all that simple. It can be weird and hard to believe, and yet, there it is.

Person holding up magnet of Florida
Done By Alex/Unsplash

In all deference to the people of Florida, the Sunshine State is not known for being the ideal place to live.

Aside from being a major tourist destination and an escape from the cold weather months in other parts of the country, the retirement refuge is reputable as being problematic and the butt of a joke for a number of reasons.

But the real kicker is the frequency at which many Florida residents make headlines for unhinged behavior earning them the label of "Florida Man," prompting the rest of the U.S. to shake their heads and remark, "Only in Florida."

Curious to hear about other parts of the world that have a similar reputation, Redditor Ltimbombo asked:

"What is the 'Florida' of Europe?"

These are almost, but not quite, Florida.

The "Crazy Sh*t" Stereotype

"In what sense? Spain's Costa del Sol ticks the 'entitled retiree destination' box but the 'people inexplicably doing crazy sh*t' stereotype firmly belongs to Russia."

– epeeist

Deutscheland

"Adam Carolla used to have a segment on his radio show called 'Florida or Germany' where he would read newspaper articles of strange crimes and callers would guess if it took place in Florida or Germany. I thought it was entertaining."

– CurvySmokeShow

It's A Zoo Out There

"As a Florida Man who has found an Alligator in my backyard before (no joke, this is serious) I’d definitely have to say Russia."

– anon

"I’ve had 2 pythons show up in the yard of the house I grew up in, years before it was widely known how invasive they were."

"Never got a gator though."

– Sss00099

Talking Geography

"In that the Ural mountains are the technical dividing line between Europe and Asia, I'll have to go with Western Russia. In particular, you could overlay Florida on top of the part of Russia that spans from Voronezh to Saratov and then down to Volgograd."

– themistergraves

Gotta love some o' the Brits.

Im-Posh-ters

"When I was in Barcelona this past June I had the opportunity to witness a young, trashy British couple act as though they were posh. It was then that I realized that the British are the Floridians of Europe."

– mattswa

"Ohhh trashy Brits are on another level, you have to see it to believe it lol."

– YetiPie

Defined By TV Shows

"I was in Dublin last summer, met some Brits from Leeds and they literally asked the Irish guy I was hanging out with if they had the same queen. Then when it came up I was american one of the women shrieked and said 'Young Sheldon’s me favorite tv show' and Jesus Christ I couldn’t help but laugh"

– BureaucraticHotboi

Admittedly Floridian

"Florida is kinda stupid for stupid’s sake. Here in the UK we tell ourselves we are civilised, refined, smart and in control while still doing equally stupid stuff."

– npri0r

Making Up For Size

"Blackpool, England. Admittedly it's on a smaller scale but what it lacks in size, it makes it up in STD rates, welfare distribution and average tooth count."

– DavosLostFingers

"Fun fact! Blackpool is the only city in the uk with the same average lifespan as the US!"

– TinyChairty4151

Feels Like Home

"I went on holiday to Britain, driving the whole island. Some seagulls nicked my chips and my pastie in Blackpool while some guy vomited into a trash can next to me. Same exact thing happened to me in Miami (swap the pastie for a taco). So ya this checks out."

– sothatsathingnow

Meanwhile, over in the Mediterranean...

Cretins

"It’s probably Greece and specifically Crete. People like to go there for vacation, it’s hot and all the people own guns and are conservative religious madlads."

– SpaceAgeIsLate

Italiano

"Italy, it's hot, full of tourist, and has a history of going facist."

– weedtrek

"And it's the wang of Europe."

– swash_mcbuckle

Looks like every Floridians are not alone in their tainted reputation thanks to the number of people who had to ruin everything.

But one thing seems certain.

It's doesn't seem to be about what's in the water Floridians drink.

There are several things in this life we know to be rare, resulting in millions of people seeking them out, or taking the opportunity to enjoy them.

These include seeing a solar or lunar eclipse, vintage bottles of wine, the first issue of a comic book, or being upgraded to first class without warning.

Sometimes, however, we take for granted certain things we just assume are part of daily life which are, in fact, quite rare.

Be it an uninterrupted night's sleep, a life-threatening illness, or a old recording on our DVR (or, for that matter a VHS!), some things we think can be enjoyed or could happen to anyone might be much harder to come by than we think.

Redditor f*ckandfrolic was curious to learn all about the seemingly everyday things that are, in fact, anything but common, leading them to ask:

"What is far more rare than people realize?"

Or, Perhaps, The Vaccines Are What Made It Rare?

"Tetanus."

"We get vaccines for it, but it's actually a bit harder to get than you may believe."- pheat0n

Meow

"Solid brown fur cats, apparently it’s some kind of recessive gene in them."- TheJadedSF

"We have a male tortoiseshell cat."

"Cat people tend to know they’re quite rare but others probably don’t."- Tacoma__Crow

In Love Cat GIFGiphy

You Never Know Who Your Friends Really Are...

"People who remain friends with you once you leave school."- GrockleKaug

"Good, honest friends who don’t have ulterior motives."

"The ones that genuinely enjoy your company and friendship."

"Hold onto them!"- ZealousidealWealth88

Think Carefully About The Last Time You Saw One...

"Blimps."

"I live in northeast Ohio near the Goodyear hangar."

"We see them all the time."

"I had to pull up a list, that northeast Ohio has 3 out of 4 operating Goodyear blimps named Wingfoot 1 2 and 3."

"Only maybe 12 are operating anywhere in the world, with a total of 25 existing at all."

"But we see them all the time at Wingfoot lake disc golf course."- Worried_Place_917·

good year zeppelin GIF by DiggGiphy

Making Others Green With Envy?

"Green eyes make up just two percent of the global population."- New-Tomorrow-4309

Not A Routine Occurrence

"Northern lights."

"The amount of people I’ve heard say: 'We’ve come all this way, what time do they come on?' Is staggering."- The_Town_of_Canada

Amen!

"Bit of peace and f*cking quiet."- Winoforevr1

Taking A Long, Hard Look At Ourselves...

"Humility and an understanding that we’re sometimes the victim and sometimes the perpetrator."

"No one is ever just one or the other."- Fitandfriendlydude

Money Talks

"Being a multi-millionaire."

"Lots of people faking it out here."- tab_completion

Some Might Say Thinking In General...

"Critical thinking skills."- hstarbird11

Thinking Think GIF by Rodney DangerfieldGiphy

Sobering Reality

"Clean water."

'My son and I have been discussing this lately."

"He is a chemical engineer and works exclusively with water."

"Many of the studies he has been published on also have to do with clean water and forever chemicals."

"Water is a huge issue that is becoming bigger everyday and normal people are forgetting about it."

"Flint Michigan is in year 9!"- No-Fishing5325

Rare, Or A Myth?

"A stable, loving, peaceful domestic life."- reginapinsley

In Dreams, Maybe...

"Absolute silence and being in a place where no man-made light exists."- whiskey_formymen

black and white dark GIFGiphy

Perhaps we can all rest a little easier knowing that some things that keep us up at night worrying are actually not a big deal in the slightest.

Or, next time we see and experience something truly beautiful, we might want to stop and truly take it in.

For all we know, we just experienced something that was truly once in a lifetime.


Two young boys are having a pillow fight
Photo by Allen Taylor

Parents are meant to teach offspring how to survive in this world.

They're meant to guide us on how to be a good member of society.

But either some parents fail, or too many adults don't get the message.

And all that can lead to a mighty dysfunctional adult.

Redditor spirallinggg wanted to hear about the ways we can decipher if others have bad parenting, so they asked:

"What immediately tells you that a person wasn't raised right?"

Basic human decency is a sign of a good upbringing.

Garbage

"They throw trash out a car window."

shershae

"I live on a busy road and I’m so sick of people throwing their trash in front of my house. Some guy tosses out a tall boy beer nearly every workday. I can’t wait to move. Also- so many cigarette butts! We live in a high fire hazard area so I’m worried one of these days they’ll start a fire. I try to go pick up litter twice a month."

Pinkmongoose

Random Aisles

"People who dump refrigerated grocery products on random aisles."

glockops

"I work in a grocery store. The best one I saw was someone who ordered a hot pizza from our pizza station, which is made-to-order. Then abandoned it in the cooler with the refrigerated take-and-bake pizzas we have."

"I get finding stuff from our service case abandoned, it's already cold and our prices are much higher than some people think (the last abandoned item I found was a $20 container of our fresh fruit salad [which comes in pre-cut]), but the pizza station has set menu prices, they should have known what they were getting into before they ordered."

weedtrek

Be Responsible

"Lack of personal accountability. they can never admit wrongdoing on their part. it's always someone else's fault."

Sona-kin

I always told my kids that a mistake doesn't define who you are... but what you do AFTER the mistake DOES. We're human. We're gonna screw up throughout our lives. It's unavoidable. What we can control, however, is choosing to apologize, fix the situation, make amends, etc."

nakedwithoutmyhoodie

Rude

Mean Girls Gossip GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphy

"When they talk badly about someone who hasn’t done anything wrong behind their back."

flowerzforthedead

THIS. I've seen coworkers talking behind the backs of new employees and drawing conclusions about every aspect of their lives. Like, you've seen that person for three days, you MF.

Cold-Load-4388

If you can't say it to their face, then don't say it.

Why do people have to crap talk?

Check Please

Escalate Customer Service GIF by FILMRISEGiphy

"Being super rude to people in any service profession. There is a time and place for actual, appropriate complaints but I see people constantly abuse service staff for no damn reason. Hell, even using 'please' and 'thank you' seems beyond some people. Bums me out."

CaptainLawyerDude

Others

"Lack of consideration for others."

NewVAinvestor1

"A lot of people do not fundamentally understand other people exist. They understand things exist. They understand those things should be referred to as people. But they do not understand those things have an entire existence and experience all their own exactly like them."

Sh3lls

No!

"When they can't take no for an answer."

NerdyPlaneResident

"I'm going to step up and admit to being guilty of this. For the longest time, I had it in my head that persistence pays off. Some of that was pop culture, some of that was tenacity in other areas of my life being rewarded, and then applying that to interpersonal relationships. Older and wiser me, though is more along the lines of learning to let go. It's still a struggle though, working against that original conditioning."

SergeantPsycho

Professions

"When someone looks down at others based on what they do. That just clearly shows that they've learned the same thing from their caregivers."

Leekayleigh_

"Oh yes. My husband took on a second job doing pizza deliveries. A few people laughed at him doing that at his age. They don't laugh when he explains his main job is simple and, deliveries are just driving blasting tunes and adds $900 a month after tax to our income. Then they see all the travel. Usually shuts them up."

CurvePuzzleheaded361

Offensive

For Real Wow GIF by DeStormGiphy

"Zero manners."'

Fuzzteam7

"I took a guy to a family beach condo because he says he never goes to the beach. Let him tag along with our group. Never said thank you one time. I dropped him back off at his house, and I said can you at least say thanks, he was so offended I asked or was trying to force a thank you."

berrey7

"BUT"

"When someone apologizes, and then adds a but onto it. For example, my boss held a meeting among the kitchen staff where he apologized for his attitude, and then added 'But you guys need to understand that I'm a no-bulls**t kind of person.' No sir, that's not how apologies work."

GimmickInfringement1

I hate a BUT.

Either you mean what you offer or don't say it.