People Break Down The Coping Mechanisms They Developed As A Kid That Are Not Normal At All

Sometimes the only thing one can do in life is find the best way to survive.
Anyway you can make it through, take it.
And it all starts in childhood.
Childhood trauma is where it all begins.
We have to take on a lot as a kid and in order to do that we have to find ways to keep going.
And some of those ways maybe aren't the healthiest.
That's why when we're older we have to face the demons.
RedditorGreggOfChaoticOrderwanted to hear about the lingering effects of childhood. They asked:
"What is a childhood coping method you unknowingly developed only to realize later that it wasn't normal?"
Thumbsucking. I sucked my thumb until 13. Not great for the alignment of my mouth.
Deceit
"I learned to lie rather convincingly. I was petrified of getting in trouble for the smallest things that I learned to hide quite a bit. I had such high anxiety as a kid."
throwingplaydoh
"For the same reason, I’m scary good at lying… to the point I will halfway believe the lie myself. It’s not a trait I’m proud of, but it is useful at times."
Disastrous-Mafk
Hungry Hungry
"Eating too fast. I remember noticing this even as a child still. I was always done first. And I never out grew it. Neglect and abandonment issues."
AlternativeRope5639
"I do this too and I don’t really know why… People comment on it all the time but I don’t really know how to stop doing it. As soon as I start eating it’s like a black out or something and I don’t come back to reality until the food is gone."
Studleyvonshlong
"problem"
"Cleaning or doing things behind the scenes for my family so they're always happy, life goes smoothly and my life is serene. The latter isn't the case unfortunately, I'm exhausted and always on edge."
Crazei
"SAME. My mom was a huge neat freak to the point of abuse and as an adult, i can not handle a messy home. it's not normally a 'problem' until I'm really stressed by outside factors and find myself vacuuming the couch/cleaning the fridge/etc at like 2am."
teruravirino
Too Much
"Saying I am sorry all the time."
strawberrywine5880
"My friend did this. It was irritating to me at the time, but looking back, she had a lot of stress on her shoulders even in high-school. She lived with her grandma because her mother was a hoarder and a two-faced woman."
throwingplaydoh
Trauma
"My husband used to get really annoyed when I would apologize too much. He said that if I apologize as much as I did it would make the word meaningless. As he learned more about my trauma he wouldn't get annoyed anymore. Also helps that I don't do it AS much now, but I still do sometimes."
fried_egg_on_toast
Man, being a kid is rough. We carry way too much with us.
In the Wardrobe
"Hiding in the closet."
evilmonkey9361
"I used to hide in a big wardrobe when my step mom would come looking for me. Also hid/slept in the trunk of my car to avoid her and ditch college classes. I still get that urge to hide myself away places and just feel comforted at being able to be left alone. It's really nice to see other people have the same coping devices even if it's not great we had to have them in the first place."
Danceswithunicornz
an actual thing...
"Dissociation and maladaptive daydreaming (I just learned that's an actual thing with a name)."
Melonqualia
"This is so relatable to me. I’ve always done this for one reason or another. Now a days I work extremely long shifts and find myself placing myself out of my body as much as possible."
"My home life has gotten bad so I’ve been doing it at home recently too. I feel like the problem with this is i’ve slowly normalized not living my own life to the point where I can work like a robot for 14 hours a day and it doesn’t affect me at all, but I’m never really happy."
UnfriendlyToast
Pulling
"I’d pull out my eyelashes."
Lucky-Refrigerator-4
"Eyebrows and eyelashes here. Reading through all of these responses makes me realize how messed up I really am. Your response makes me realize that I do it out of nervousness."
elanrach
The Tone
"Making my voice as monotone as possible to prevent people (my parents) from picking up on any tiny hint of emotion. My parents would lose their sh*t if I had 'a tone' or sounded upset in any way. It's taken years and years of practice to regain some emotion in my voice again."
Jazzlike_Log_709
No Resolutions
"I can’t have an aspiration or a dream because I don’t want to disappoint myself. Like, I can’t even say that I am gonna get a good grade on a specific subject out loud, cause I am scared I will disappoint myself. Same thing with other things in life, when I apply for a specific college I will just do it and ignore it until I get a result, because I don’t wanna get my hopes up and end up not getting accepted."
"I can’t even have a New Years Resolution cause somehow I think I would fail and I would rather already expect that than get my hopes up and fail. I am scared of being disappointed in myself."
rianabdussalam
Dodgy...
"Escaping into my head. I don't do it much anymore, but as a kid and teen I lived there. I can also walk into a room and sense immediately if something is about to go down, and spot dodgy people on the street from a block away. my wife on the other hand is completely oblivious."
randomnameandanumber
"What's a confrontation?
"Shutting down when faced with confrontation."
NoToe9649
"What's a confrontation?"
"For me, this was a part of learned helplessness. I realized early on that there was no point trying to reason with my mother. I'd just say whatever I thought would shut her up. This also made me internalize the idea that getting angry was always irrational & no one who got angry had a valid point. She literally never did & filled her crap over nothing. I had to un-learn a lot in therapy."
2PlasticLobsters
authority figures are jerks...
"Assume anytime someone in a position of authority wants to talk to me, it's bad news and I've done something wrong (even if I can't remember doing anything potentially bad)."
FA-26B
"I feel you. I think the same because most authority figures do want to talk to us when its bad or done something wrong even though not always. But my experience most authority figures are jerks simply because they were mistreated by authority figures and continue the vicious cycle."
Johnnybones08
Footsteps
"Listening for the smallest sounds. Before I was old enough and had enough money to move out, when I was a teen I could hear the faint sound of the garage door opening because it would always squeak when it opens, and then I would bolt upstairs to my room because the garage opening meant that my mom was home. I can distinguish her footsteps easily. I developed a hypersensitivity to sound because of her."
bunniesandmilktea
flipping a switch...
"Blocking out all background noise to avoid emotional damage from whatever’s going on."
masterofyourhouse
"I know that... it's like flipping a switch. It's most noticeable to myself when I'm watching a movie and a scene comes on that triggers some kind of memory and so you mentally switch from being in-tune with the movie to staring at the box on the wall while the pictures on it move. Completely removes all emotion."
Christmas_Panda
Coping
"Trying to think/mentally prepare myself for every possible horrible thing that could happen to me, so that if it did, I wouldn’t be blindsided. It didn’t work I want to add that my mother died in a freak accident when I was a boy and I was blindsided."
"My coping mechanism was to prepare for situations where a friend or family member is killed out of the blue etc, so I wouldn’t be caught off guard again. It caused me severe stress and the inability to relax ever. I am older now and therapy has done wonders for me."
Budson420
speaking poorly...
"Listening closely to what's going on in my apartment or the people I know around me to hear if anyone is upset or talking about me or yelling or fighting."
lovepplusethings
"This is one I still have to actively fight. It caused me so much anxiety growing up hearing people talking in the house and assuming they were speaking poorly of me. I would waste hours in the dark and quiet listening and waiting till it was safe to emerge and not be seen. I still listen for people out and about at work so I can move around without having to have an awaked encounter."
Danceswithunicornz
caught off guard again...
"Trying to think/mentally prepare myself for every possible horrible thing that could happen to me, so that if it did, I wouldn’t be blindsided. It didn’t work I want to add that my mother died in a freak accident when I was a boy and I was blindsided."
"My coping mechanism was to prepare for situations where a friend or family member is killed out of the blue etc so I wouldn’t be caught off guard again. It caused me severe stress and the inability to relax ever. I am older now and therapy has done wonders for me."
Budson420
"not care"
"Shutting down emotional responses and forcing myself to 'not care' about any perceived loss. Apparently it made it pretty annoying to discipline me because I would suddenly stop caring about anything that was threatened to be taken away. Nobody really taught me how to properly cope with loss when it started happening and I guess my response was emotional repression."
PeculiarInsomniac
Signs
"Looking for signs, such as microexpressions, about what kind of a mood the other one is in. My therapist told me not all people do this, and I do it a lot. He also told me I developed it because I was always on the lookout on the mood of my often angry, drunken stepdad."
theWelshTiger
"I developed a reflex where I apologize and ask if they are angry at me. I have a hard time telling how people are feeling unless they tell me. Apparently that just ended up with me being the sorriest sack of crap they'd ever seen."
GreggOfChaoticOrder
Facing the past is hard. We can do it. You're not alone.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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- People Who Have Confronted Their Parents About Toxic Behavior ... ›
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- People Share The Coping Mechanisms They Had To Un-Learn After ... ›
Why do bullies bully? More importantly... how do we get bullies to back off?
Can we just use words? Does it always have to resort to violence?
There is no reason in this world for anyone to be a bully. It's all about power and self worth.
The bully has none and it's all they want.
RedditorYaboi2tallwanted to hear about how bullies can be stopped.
"How did you get a high school bully to never mess with you again?"
I swung on my bully, with a pencil. Never had an issue again.
Pea Soup?
"Vomited all over him. After that he never messed with me again."
Linklee2
TRAUMA
"A group of sociopaths from my school that always tormented us followed me and my friends to my house one day in a pick up truck. They stole my friends shoes, pushed one of them until she fell, and took my sketchpad and threw it in a puddle. My stepbrother came outside, beat one of them badly, stole his pants, and threw his keys into a sewer grave before hitting him with an empty vodka bottle. It was traumatizing for me on both ends, but that group of kids never even looked at us again."
LittleKaty_E
"Watch it!"
"He tried to shove me down an embankment while on a field trip. Had I fallen, I would have broken my leg or worse, because the embankment ended about 25 feet down, then dropped off into some deep brush and trees. Anyhow, my best friend was next to me, and said 'Watch it!' as he came at me."
"I side-stepped him, and he tumbled down the embankment and over the edge into the brush. Fractured several ribs, dislocated his shoulder and broke his ankle. He never did anything to me again. F**k you Darren! You b**ch!"
Darklord_Bravo
Trash
"She told me, my face made her want to kill herself. So I told the school counselor that she had confided in me she wanted to kill herself. She had to explain to the everyone what she really said. She would call me fat, and ugly everyday. She also would tell me I was trash because I was adopted. 'Your own mother thought you were so ugly she didn't want you.'"
JustJessJ_Art
Think Twice
"Made friends in the football team. Bullies think twice when you are buddies with a 6'2 250 pound Samoan. Crazy how nice so many Samoans are."
Large-Statistician-3
I do like Football players. I knew they'd good for something.
Wheeled
"I was bullied for my wheelchair, so I ran their feet over."
puthypanther
"Fast and furious."
Sigmr
The End
"A bully was harassing my daughter on the bus. Instead of calling his folks, or jumping on him, I did this…"
"I pulled him aside at the bus stop one day and asked for his help. “Hey Danny. I was hoping you could help me out. I guess there’s a kid on the bus who is picking on my daughter. She’s a girl and small and I’d like for you to help protect her. If you see anything like that, could you stick up for her please and let me know about it.'" That was the end of the bullying."
Relax-Enjoy
Farewell
"Graduated."
Bjarki56
"Pretty much the same. Stopped associating with our mutual friends when I realized they're not my friends if they're friends with a bully like this person and ever since we graduated, and I've been out of that social bubble, it's just was over."
Independent-Clerk310
My Chair
"Not a bully per se, but a d**k." In my French class a guy who sat behind me would always kick my chair repeatedly, and I was at the point where I was visibly infuriated by this happening every lesson. The girl who sat next to me turned to him and said 'Hey, you should probably stop doing that, he looks like he's about to hit you.'"
"Guy laughed it off and said I wouldn't. I didn't, but I turned around and cocked my arm back. He was leaning back on the hind legs of his chair with his feet on mine, so when I did this, he flinched, fell backwards off his chair, and got a few laughs from the people behind us. He never kicked my chair after that."
Pm_me_yo_nudes_
Duel
"Challenged him to a fight at lunch, left during the period before lunch to move 800 miles away."
undercoverhippie
Sometimes all it takes is one good punch. Not that I'm advocating violence. But most bullies are just cowards.
As much as we love to have eyes for others, those eyes are witness to some yuck.
We are easily turned on by many things and people.
We're humans, humans are easy.
But turning off and shutting down is also easy.
And once we see certain things, they can never be unseen.
And so... we move on.
Let's make a list so people stay vigilant.
Redditorfiginjosejospewanted to hear about what makes us yell a big NO for some things.
"What is your biggest turn off?"
I am easily turned off. It's my one flaw. Anything can do it. Alas...
Bad Sniffs
"When people smell bad. Hygiene is important."
ccherry124
Better
"One-uppers. Whatever you have done/seen or place you have gone, they have done it better."
UgliestDisability
"I struggle with this SO BADLY. I hear someone’s story and think 'I can relate! I’ve done XYZ' and tell the story. As soon as I see their facial expressions change I know they’ve taken it as me one upping. It’s so hard for me to relate without telling the story WHY I relate."
notanaltaccount88
Be Straight
"Deception. Say what you freaking mean, and your actions must match your words."
armywalrus
"I don't know if this counts as deception but I have the hardest time verbalizing my thoughts in the way that I think them. So I say something that doesn't match my thoughts but it's like theres a disconnect in my brain that doesn't let me say what I want to say. I've had multiple tbi's from a young age but I don't know if that has any to do with it."
potato-san
Just Listen
"When they constantly cut you off during a conversation."
Exact_Mammoth6874
"I noticed my bad habit of interrupting when I started dating my partner. I worked on it because it bothered him so much. Now when I'm around my family who I don't see often, I'm keenly aware of how bad we all are at it. Dinners, drinks, video calls are a literal cacophony of people talking over each other and having to repeat yourself because no one listens."
helenmaryskata
Over time...
"Entitlement."
Hercdajerk35
"Having been on this earth almost six decades, I can say this has definitely gotten worse over time. Now, you can see it getting worse by the year."
Cautious-Damage7575
I hate entitled people. Nobody is owed anything.
That's all...
"When a person is rude or just behaves poorly and everyone around them says, 'that's just how he/she is.' No. There is no excuse for piss poor behavior."
Sarahkm90
Be Prudent
"Over sharing at social media."
naniyamanaki
"I had an ex who would straight up get pissed if I didn’t post about us on instagram or facebook back when I had it. Even if we just hung out and did nothing Lol. She got even more upset if I did post something and not include her... or if I got more likes than her."
AskinggAlesana
"Social media has completely ruined our brains… it’s so sad to realize the damage that’s been done in such a short amount of time."
e-commerceguy
Trash
"Littering. I absolutely hate it when people litter just because 'there is no trashcan close' or 'Yeah, but everything here is anyway already dirty.' That makes me so annoyed and just ugh. I can understand that it's annoying to keep on holding onto trash but like... It's not that difficult."
TheWanderingLich
Lips Together
"Open mouth chewer. Or any kind of lip smacking while eating."
welshegg
"At a family reunion, I got seated in front of a woman I hadn't met before. Food gets there and we started loading ourselves up. I still remember what we had: tostadas."
"They're a flat baked or fried tortilla topped with pretty much whichever ingredients you want. Usually meat, some veg, cheese, cream, and salsa. This is relevant because half of that food ended up smeared on her face. I have never seen a grown a** adult eat like that. Open mouth chewing, with food actually spilling out as she ate."
"Loud, boisterous talking and laughing, with more, half chewed food spilling out everywhere. And napkins seemed to not be a thing for her because she never used one, making all the cream and salsa get stuck to her lips and cheeks. I was freaking disgusted, as was everyone around her. That was not a pleasant meal."
Ihlita
Hang Up
"Using phones every time we hang out."
mortally_guarded
"My wife has a friend that if you aren’t talking to her about only her, she zones out and just stares at her phone."
mofoofinvention
When the turn is off. It's off. And that's all.
When trying to eat healthy you have to do research.
We have to be vigilant and read the labels.
Just because it says "healthy"... that means nothing.
That was just years of gaslighting.
Also, just because it says "diet" you can't have 10 of them.
RedditorJoltyJobwanted to dissect what's on the menu.
"What food do most people think is healthy but is actually unhealthy?"
I love fruit. But... some fruits are just sugar. Now they tell us.
No Juice
"Jamba juice."
versionii
"Can confirm this. I used to work there and most of the smoothies on the menu are made with frozen juice concentrate which was just liquid processed sugar and multiple scoops of sherbet. Not sorbet. Sherbet."
Coconut_Less
Nudes
"Naked smoothies/juices and flavored yogurt."
blaynevee
"Looking through the various yogurt's nutritional information while trying to find a good High-protein Greek Yogurt recently was very eye-opening. The majority of them were pretty much just softer ice cream."
mordahl
Not Free
"Some people think 'Gluten Free' means 'healthy.' Not automatically, it doesn't. This is NOT about people who MUST follow a GF diet."
notthesedays
"As someone with celiac disease it’s astounding how often I have to explain this to people. Gluten free diets are no healthier than regular diets. Gluten is just a single protein being omitted from your diet. The difference is you’re probably eating way less bread, or you’re just generally more anxious about eating so you might lose weight as a result."
Willow5331
Less Fat?
"I'm shocked how many moms think Nutella is better than peanut butter."
I-amthegump
"When it first came out in Australia they advertised it 'less fat than peanut butter' and 'less sugar than jam' so that sounds great..."
"Until you think about it, peanut butter is high in fat but low in sugar and jam is high in sugar and low in fat. So of course Nutella has less fat than peanut butter, it's got to make room for all the added sugar. And of course it has less sugar than jam, it's gotta make room for all that palm oil."
Azzulah
Same for apples...
"Granola bars. They're chocolate, oats and sugar for the most part. Oats can be healthy by themselves. But a granola bar is unhealthy due to all the sugar, chocolate and stuff along with them. Same for apples. Apples are healthy, apple pie, not healthy."
SinisterMeatball
The truth about granola bars has been out there forever. Beware...
Bad Products
"Cereal."
Confident-Laugh138
"That's because when I was kid the food pyramid posters were printed by the American grain council. They said we needed a couple of servings of both meat and vegetables and like 9 servings of bread and various grain products."
RUfuqingkiddingme
Sugar No!
"Juice. Most packaged juices you get are super high in sugar."
PhreedomPhighter
"Ha. One of the reasons why I switched providers last year for my prenatal care was because the first one told me, in all seriousness, I needed to drink three cups of milk and two cups of juice per day. I was like, say what now???"
Lindsaydoodles
"Same with ketchup 25% of it is sugar."
GetOutOfTheWhey
Check the Bag
"Veggie Straws."
supernaut32
"This is actually a pretty good response. A surprising number of people didn't check the back of those packages to find that they're just Pringles that included a little bit of vegetable dust in the potato chip mix. People actually think they're just eating salty crispy vegetables."
no_comment12
Unsafe
"Anything 'natural' doesn’t immediately mean healthy. At least in the EU when a product is natural, it doesn’t need to go through all the testing that is required for other products. This doesn’t mean that the product is safe, as many natural products can be harmful."
Adriana-meyer
Dirty
"Panera Bread...healthy 'clean' ingredients. It's full of salt, sugar and processed crap."
Carrann823
Just because it says healthy or diet doesn't mean it's true. Lesson learned.
People Break Down Which Modern Day Practices And Beliefs Will Be Considered Barbaric In The Future
It's hard not to look back on history and be disgusted by a number of things which were at one point deemed acceptable, even not so long ago in the grand scheme of things.
The endless list includes segregation and women not having the right to vote.
We'd certainly like to think that we've come a long way.
But when we look back on how much we, as a culture, have evolved for the better, it also makes us stop and wonder what current customs or practices accepted in society today people twenty years from now will look back on in disgust.
This piqued the curiosity of RedditorSalt-Campaign6402,leading them to take to Reddit to ask:
"What modern day practice/ belief is most likely to be considered barbaric and outdated in the future?"
A revaluation of medical practices
"The way that f*cking speculum is shaped."- PopK0rnAndMMs
"Gynaecology procedures being done with out sedation or some type of proper numbing agent."- baconbutt96
"Chemotherapy."- sphygmomanometito
The end of stigma
"The entire system surrounding mental health."- crapgarbage
More respect for the environment
"Deforestation hopefully."- CrumbledTheCookies
More sustainable materials
"Single use plastics."- Lemilli000000n
Improvements in wages and working hours
"Working long hours to the point of sleep deprivation and exhaustion."
"Right now people brag about it."- HonestlyPizza
"Hustle culture."
"It's a scam made up by the rich to make the poor feel good about being exploited."- whythatusername
More humane treatment of animals
"Breeding dogs that can’t breathe."- username-alrdy-takn
Possible life saving advancements in science?
"I feel like organ transplants from strangers will seem bizarre in the future."
"I imagine we will be able to grow genetically-identical organs and use those instead."- thunderbiird1
Twenty years from now, we'll likely find ourselves relieved that some things have finally changed.
Then too, we might look back in horror at many things we wouldn't even take a second thought about at the time.