Kids Reveal The Most Dad Thing Their Fathers Have Ever Done[rebelmouse-image 18347451 is_animated_gif=
Dad jokes are having their well-deserved moment in the sun right now. The wholesome, corny, giggles that only dads can provide are just the kind of thing we all need right now. One reddit user asked:
The responses were a master class in cheesiness and commitment to a joke. To the dads about to rock puns, we salute you. Here were some of our favorite lame and loveable dads.
Swishy Pants[rebelmouse-image 18347452 is_animated_gif=
Mine wears Swishy Pants. Like, I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I've seen him in something else in the last five years and two of those times were funerals. The swishy athletic pants, an inexplicably beat-up pair of New Balance sneakers (he literally just bought them, how do they look like that already??) and a jacket with a (insert name of local sports teams) logo. Oh, and a baseball cap. He has one for our hometown team, and all four of our major regional sports teams' various championship years.
"They Didn't Say"[rebelmouse-image 18347453 is_animated_gif=
My dad picks up the phone and answers "Hello...?" before taking a long pause. His expression widens and grows very worried and surprised. My sister and I are already fucking baited and hooked.
"You don't say..." He says, with a light gasp. "You dont say!?". My sister and I are trembling at this point with curiosity.
He then clears his throat "Well, okay then... goodbye" before hanging up.
In unison, my sister and I ask "Who was it?!"
"He didn't say..."
Hunting And Gathering[rebelmouse-image 18347454 is_animated_gif=
**"I have hunted and gathered and I have returned victorious!" **... Yes Dad, I'm sure ordering pizza was quite the ordeal.
My Newt[rebelmouse-image 18347456 is_animated_gif=
Cleaning out the massive pond they have in their garden, he comes in all wellie'd up holding a small newt is his hand and scares my mum with it.
"What the HELL are you doing?!"
"Just showing you we have newts in the pond. It's a sign of a healthy pond, look at him, he's so cute. I'm going to call him 'Tiny' I think."
"What? What a rubbish name, why?"
Then he goes for the pun on the word "minute" like super small and goes:
"Because he's my newt."
Oh the dad jokes were strong that day, many eyes were rolled and groans were had. I chuckled and felt ashamed.
Lady Gaga[rebelmouse-image 18347457 is_animated_gif=
Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" came on in the car when he was driving me somewhere and he poked my face multiple times during the "Popopopopopo popopoker face" parts.
He also loves Lowes and Home Depot.
Bagel Shop Contest[rebelmouse-image 18347458 is_animated_gif=
I was at my local bagel shop with a friend and a we needed a dad joke for a contest they were having so I texted him asking for a dad joke and he responds with:
"A fish swims into a wall and says dam."
Proud Of A Pun[rebelmouse-image 18347460 is_animated_gif=
My dad got into a terrible accident where his foot became severed and was only hanging on to him by a flap of skin.
There was no way to re-attach the foot while retaining full mobility. If the foot would be re-attached, his ankle bones would have to be fused together, making it impossible for him to bend his ankle. The nerves would be pinched and he would be in a lot of pain. Every doctor he spoke to recommended amputation.
"No," my dad stubbornly said, "I've grown attached to my foot."
And that is the story of how my dad has been living in daily pain for almost two decades because he was proud of a pun.
Al Pacino[rebelmouse-image 18347461 is_animated_gif=
I was on the phone with my mother talking about wanting a frappucino and my dad busted in the room like "what about Al Pacino?"
The Gang Way[rebelmouse-image 18345811 is_animated_gif=
Not my dad, but I kinda wish he was.
My husband and I were on a cruise this past New Years and the captain came over the intercom with instructions on how to exit the ship. He said something about the "gangway" and the kids next to us asked their dad what the gangway was.
"You can't explain the gang way. You just live the gang way."
The kids looked confused but my husband and I were cracking up.
Hanson[rebelmouse-image 18347462 is_animated_gif=
Couple of years ago I got stuck at train station when buses from station were cancelled.
Called Dad to ask for a lift, I'm standing in the waiting pick up bay with tons of other people in the same situation, Dad drives up with MMMBOP blaring out of the car speaker system.
A Bath Towel And A Loaded Gun[rebelmouse-image 18347464 is_animated_gif=
After reading all these replies I think my dad is crazy... I remember him screaming from inside my closet "POWER TOOLS" then seeing a drill bit go through the door. Or when I saw him in our front yard in this dying pine tree pouring gasoline down the truck from his unsafe perch in the top few branches. And most recently... I had texted him that there was a possum on the porch (I had just gotten home from work it as like 11pm) and he comes out wearing just a towel and asks me where it went. I said it's under the porch and he goes inside and comes back out still in a bath towel with a .22 in hand laughing like a madman.
I love my father.
Buzz Cut[rebelmouse-image 18347465 is_animated_gif=
My Dad has long hair, whenever he is in a long line of people he likes to wait until the person behind him complains so he can turn around and say "Tell me about it, I had a buzz cut when I got here."
Overboard[rebelmouse-image 18347466 is_animated_gif=
Its just a really typical dad thing to take their hobbies overboard.
If he brews beer he wants a full brewery setup in the basement. If he likes fish he wants a 500 gallon saltwater zoo exhibit. If he likes to grill he wants the brand new Weber Genesis 4-Burner.
Personally my dad was into high end audio equipment. My basement was completely acoustically dead, he had interconnects worth more than my bike, I wasnt allowed within like 2 feet of the stereo.
My husband's dad went to the hardware store for a saw to cut down a couple small trees. Came home with a chainsaw that was the most expensive they sold, and that they actually warned him against buying since it was generally only used by professional lumberjacks.
Next time I visit, he pulls me outside to his brand new grill that cost as much as some cars. He looked at me, took a long sip of wine and said:
"This is the grill I don't ever have to worry about again."
A Guy Named Cliff[rebelmouse-image 18347468 is_animated_gif=
Dad (to screaming sister in the back seat): "If you don't stop yelling I'm going to drive this car off a cliff!"
Brother: "Dad, there are no cliffs in this town."
Dad: "I'm sure there's a guy named Cliff somewhere in this town!"
The Baker[rebelmouse-image 18347469 is_animated_gif=
My dad is a baker. We were walking in a busy area on a family outing, we are passing this really short guy, and my dad says:
**"Haha that guy needs some yeast" **
It was so bad it was funny...
Has A Mustache[rebelmouse-image 18347470 is_animated_gif=
He wears socks with sandals. Has a mustache. Starts a lot of conversations with:
"I'm not paying for anything."
Hot Dog Hand[rebelmouse-image 18347471 is_animated_gif=
My dad called me to ask if i wanted to eat a hot dog. I said no.
Later he comes home, and i see my room door open slightly. Only his hand slips into my room with a hotdog container. He leaves it on my desk thats right by the door, hand slips out, and the door closes.
It was so quiet. So quick lmao.
Oh and the door opened slightly again for a moment for him to slip some ketchup packets onto the desk too.
Cashiers Cringe[rebelmouse-image 18347476 is_animated_gif=
Makes cringey comments to the cashier like:
Cashier: your total is $202.76
Dad: Easy for you to say!
Grandpa[rebelmouse-image 18347477 is_animated_gif=
My grandpa once asked me what I was up to. I casually replied:
**"Not much, what are you up to?" **
He said: **"Oh, about 5'9" **
The Waitress[rebelmouse-image 18347478 is_animated_gif=
When we're out to eat, after he finishes his food, the waitress asks if he enjoyed his meal. My dad with empty plate in front of him:
"Oh, no, we didn't like it at all!"
Every. Single. Time. Help.
Be it to a foreign country on the other side of the world, or merely a town a few miles north or south of you, there is always a slightly uneasy feeling of being in a new place.
Sometimes, however, you don't only suffer from homesickness upon arriving, but find yourself genuinely scared.
Perhaps you don't find yourself particularly welcome by the residents, or there are no people to be seen for miles around.
Either way, there are places all over the world where not long after arriving, the only thing on the minds of visitors was to get out of there as fast as they could.
Redditor 8-tentacles was curious to learn the places fellow Reddit users would never set foot in again under any circumstances, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest town/city you’ve been to, and why?"
"I ended up driving through this tiny town in the middle of Nevada that I assume used to be a mining town."
"It looked like a steady paycheck hadn't been seen in this town for 20 years, the houses were all dilapidated, and the locals looked just as worn out."
"Bullet holes and burn marks could be seen on pretty much every building."
"The only reason I drove through the town instead of just sticking to the main road was to top up on gas, but I couldn't find anything, not even a small convenience store."
"It must've been hell for those folks considering the closest town with an actual store and gas was around 70 miles away."
"I took a look via Google Earth, at some of the towns people mentioned and I found it!"
'Definitely not a place I'd want to go back to."
"Everyone talks about Gary, IN, but there is a town over the border in Illinois called Harvey, IL."
"I can't put my finger on exactly what makes it worse, but being there felt like I was on the moon."- theredditforwork
El Alto, Bolivia
"El Alto Bolivia."
"This was 15 years ago at least."
"It's above the habitable zone, and locals were openly fighting in the streets."
"Good times."- ooo-ooo-oooyea
Somewhere in New Mexico...
"I stopped at some gas station out in the middle of where-the-f*ck, New Mexico, only to pee."
"Parking lot not even completely paved.'
"My SO stayed behind in the car, and our son, so I have no corroborating witnesses, but this was the weirdest f*cking place of business I ever stepped into."
"Some David Lynch level sh*t."
"First of all, this place was huge for no obvious reason."
"As far as I know, there wasn't a town nearby."
"I mean, it was isolated out in the desert."
"When I entered, there was a store in there, like a convenience store."
"I passed through that, and entered a hallway."
"There was a restaurant in there, completely empty."
"I follow the signs to the restroom, and go down this hall."
"It already feels a little creepy to me, and horrifyingly enough, I am navigating to the bathroom by the sound of someone who seems to be puking violently far off down the corridor."
"I could hear this sound echoing down this crazy hallway."
"The hallway has a bend in it, and I'm starting to wonder how f*cking big is this place?"
"I turn the corner, and there is one of those claw grabby machines where you try to pick up stuffed animals and other cheap sh*t, standing in the hall."
"A group of young boys are there, crowded around the machine."
"When I come around the corner, they all look up at me wordlessly, with no trace of joy or excitement or pleasure."
"They just play the game with inscrutable faces, silently, like cats surrounding a mouse."
"The hall continues, and so do I."
"Where the g*ddamned f*ck is the toilet.'
"This hallway is disturbingly long and I've been driving for two and a half days."
"I like my bathrooms simple and direct."
"This does not seem to be either of those things."
"I finally locate the can way the hell down there around another unnecessary corner, and upon entering, I can no longer hear whoever was retching and choking."
"It is now silent, but for the stench so bad it was nearly foggy in there."
"Somebody's feet under the sh*tter door."
"I get out quick."
"Walk past those seemingly soulless and bored boys."
" Why the hell is this hallway even here?"
"There are no doors, no other businesses, these kids are creeping me out in the sinister way they stare blankly at me as I pass."
"I am at a loss to even explain why those kids are here, this place is isolated AF, the hall has too many dark corners and bends in it with no apparent logic."
"It feels like an anxiety dream, it feels like reality itself is being manipulated like the little crane arm claw the one boy is guiding."
"It feels like I want to get out of here, get back outside, get in the car and put this whole place in my rearview mirror."
"So I do."
"I get in the car."
"'Do you feel better now?'"
"'No. Actually I don't'."
"'You shoulda seen this place'."- Alternative-Amoeba20
"Johannesburg, I grew up in a pretty rough city and would say it doesn’t compare to there, you can feel how tense the air is and you really need to pay attention to everything at all times."- Much_Committee_9355
"No, it's not a story of how dangerous it is, or how cops tell you to run red lights ."
"That happens, but it's mostly myths that get perpetuated by people who never visited."
"Gary is just desolate."
"It's almost post apocalyptic."
"Nature has overtaken many areas, and many of the 'vacant' houses you see are actually lived in by homeless people."
"What makes it scary isn't that it has dangerous people, it's that it can be incredibly quiet for a populous city."
"The few times I've had to go through Gary or IN Gary for something, I've always seen something that has frightened me."
"Like people staring at me through half boarded windows, people crawling out of bushes to ask for money, or people just straight up walking in front of your car trying to get you to slow down or stop."
"It's one of the few places in America that actually feels heavy to be in."
"I swear TV shows and movies are missing out on some of the easiest post apocalyptic scenery that they have ever had."- NewAccount971
"My mom and most of her family is from there and the town is just so damn sketchy."
"People being shot the next street over seems like a daily thing."
"My crazy Great Grandma lived in a 4 story house by herself , house had been in the family for a while, and she never locked the doors, just slept with a 9mm next to her bed."- SidtheGoat87
It's sad to hear about these places, and the hard times they've fallen under.
One hopes they might find a way to bounce back one day, and make people excited to visit, rather than avoid them at all costs.
Listen ... we're just gonna be totally honest with you.
The answer is "not much" IF loved ones can come too.
Reddit user benharper09 asked
"Americans of Reddit: What would it take for you to consider moving to Europe to live and work there?"
We don't know if this Reddit user is, like, gathering market data or just really wants to know why Americans don't leave - but here's what Reddit had to say.
Whole Squad Comes With
"My wife and I have discussed moving out of the States, but family keeps us rooted. Maybe when the parents have passed."
"I used to live in Louisiana and it’s a damn nightmare there but when me and my wife found out we were pregnant in 2020 I decided that by 2022 I wouldn’t be in Louisiana anymore raising my child and we let all our family know. There’s still FaceTime and social media and mailing gifts and all that."
"If they want to see him or us in person then they can travel here but I wasn’t staying in hell so he can be near his family. It’ll be better for him to be somewhere that’s not as damn horrible. I literally had fear for my life from about age 10-33 when I moved. Nothing was gonna make me stay and raise my kid with that same fear."
"This is a big one. Our entire support system is either here in town or within 2 hours away."
A Jobhomer simpson job GIFGiphy
"Um, job opportunities? Europe doesn't let you just up and live there if you want to."
"Here in Austria we are currently looking for a large number of people willing to work. Austria has around 150.000 job openings that cannot be filled because there aren't enough people."
"I doubt Americans will fill many, particularly with professional jobs requiring a college degree, as salaries tend to be far high over here."
"There are obviously a few exceptions, but as a general rule I don’t see it happening."
"There are pretty significant differences in cost of living too though, as many European countries have healthcare, childcare, you can actually live in many European cities without owning a car which as I understand it is realistically impossible in the US. Looking at salary v. salary is too simplistic to really compare the buying power you're left with after taxes."
Are We Even Wanted?
"Do they even want us?"
"Not if you are old without money. Or young without skills."
"Yeah. We do. I would welcome Americans with open arms. Though I understand it's hard for most Americans to move to Europe."
"I mean maybe you personally be okay with Americans moving to your country but your immigration laws are not so amenable."
"It's not that Americans don't consider or want to move to Europe as this question implies, we want to but it's not easy to do legally."
"We are strongly considering making the move. My biggest concern is the language barrier. I know some people may speak English as a second language but I wouldn’t want to presume."
Pros Over Cons
"Consider yes. Actually moving to one of the many countries with their pros, cons, and immigration policies is a whole other matter. This kind of thing works best for people who are very young, very rich, or have an employer involved."
"Not Europe, but I looked into Canada for a while and the pros and cons ended up convincing me it wasn't worth it for my family."
"For the last few years this has been an annual discussion my wife and I have. The pros just don’t outweigh the cons yet. Burning a huge amount of money to move away from family and friends to be an outsider in a place where seasonal depression would crush me and cold weather issues would be detrimental to my wife’s health issue along with a lower paying job with fewer prospects for advancement in a place where the cost of living is so much more expensive…it always seems like a good idea until we list out all these things."
"That and Canada seems to be experiencing the same issues the US is - albeit on a much quieter level (which to some degree is often more concerning. Trucker convey tried to happen here and it got egged out of existence with them all fleeing. In Canada everyone stood around and just let it exist. For days. And days.) - which make me realize I might be better off staying put. It also seems wrong for me to be the one to up and move when I am white, straight, and in a decent financial position. My vote, my voice, my donations all make a difference for marginal groups that are fighting. We have a lot of friends in the LGBTQ community and being the ones that got to leave would just kind of haunt me."
Language Barrierseason 10 friends GIFGiphy
"Aside from everything everyone has said is language. I took Spanish for 6 years and maybe understand 10%. I took German for a year and can say hello. I did duelingo polish everyday for six months and got nowhere."
"I've accepted its damn near impossible for me to learn a language. I could sell my house to have the money. I could leave my family. But job stability and language...those are my 2 big problems."
"This is the big one for me. You could go to Germany, Denmark, Norway as a tourist and just speak English. But working a day-to-day job, going to the supermarket and all that, you really need to speak the language to be productive, no matter how patient your co-workers are. (I’m a software engineer)"
"I will say, being in the country helps immensely. I can't imagine trying to learn a language while sitting in the US."
Once You Understand, It Makes It Hard
"My family are immigrants to the US so know how hard it is to start somewhere new. Also a lot of my family is in the US and I don’t want to miss my nieces and nephews growing up"
"I am a UK person living in America (have been here ages) - I know my wife and children dont like the way america is shifting, and through citizenship of me and my children I could easily get everyone legally into the UK."
"But... would my (college age) kids want to go there? Would we be able to make friends as near-retirees? Would the (inferior) material standard of living be too much of an adjustment and we would be shivering through the winter wondering what we did?"
"The favorable exchange rate makes it tempting too... but the reality is I think there would be some big personal drawbacks for my family"
"Being able to guarantee my safety as a practicing Jew."
"I love Europe, have loved my time in Europe, but the track record on that score .....is not great."
"I feel the same way as a black woman. I'm used to and can often reconize/avoid most of the racism in the US. But it's an entirely different beast in other countries. At my age, I don't think I have it in me to navigate those complexities."
"I can understand this. The problem about saying “moving to Europe” is that Europe has so many different cultures and attitudes depending on where you go."
"Here in the UK, racism certainly still exists but as a mixed race person, I’ve only experienced racism towards myself a handful of times and I personally believe the UK has some really good attitudes to race, especially in London probably the most diverse place in the world"
MoneyThe Simpsons Money GIFGiphy
"And help with the paperwork and whatnot. It’s not easy to immigrate to Europe, they’re not really interested in you just arriving."
"It can be expensive, long and frustrating but I just did this with a big family and pets about a year ago."
"Particularly thankful today to be "somewhere else" with my teens and twenties daughters."
"All the help you need is on Reddit. Lots of helpful people and resources."
"You start at the beginning, and learn learn learn. Just like any other thing you want to know. People figure it all out every day, and I am confident you could, too!"
Marketable Skill Or Marriage
"I have no marketable skills that eu countries want. And most don’t accept a lot of what I can do for a work visa. So my best bet to immigrate is marriage."
"Same. No one in Europe wants me, so the answer to OP's question is, "it would take any counry in the EU wanting me."
"Came here to say this. From the research I've done, the desirable skills for most countries are stem/healthcare/etc. and while it makes sense why that is, not everyone can just up and make a career change to one of those fields."
"That can be expensive or daunting even if you're just doing it to change jobs and stay in the US."
"This. If it was easy/possible for most Americans to move to Europe a lot more of us would be leaving. Even if you ignore the legal hurdles, more than half of Americans can’t afford a $1000 emergency (the most relevant statistic I could find), and probably couldn’t afford to move states let alone continents."
"I'm married to an eu citizen. My kids are eu citizens. But I still can't get residency until I'm at least conversationally fluent in the language."
AS Long As There Is No Dragonsstop motion horror GIFGiphy
"The castles look nice, but the threat if dragons keep me away."
"That's not much of a problem in Europe, my hometown only got destroyed 5 times by a dragon in 30 years."
"Did the smith and the cobbler survive the dragon strike? Or did the plague do them in?"
"So you have 'dragon season' like we have Hurricane season and Tornado season. Got it."
"We have sorted that problem in Wales and advertise the fact on our flag."
"The dragons you see coming. It's the rats that get you"
You've seen what Reddit has to say, so now it's your turn at the mic.
Americans, what would it take for YOU to head across the pond to live in Europe?
Men have this reputation for being simple, straightforward creatures.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Humans in general are not simple, straightforward creatures, but men are just ... baffling.
At least as far as the women of Reddit are concerned.
Reddit user Theunknowndud asked:
"Women, what do you find the most confusing about men?"
These fine femmes saw an opportunity to vent and ask questions and they absolutely ran with it.
Here's what they most wanted to know about.
Not Going To The Doctorperry cox whatever GIFGiphy
"Why some men don’t go to the doctor or dentist, unless someone else makes the appointment for them."
"Because if someone else makes appointment for me I feel obligated to go. But I don't care about myself enough to make the appointment myself and I just learn to live with whatever the problem is."
"It's like reading my own mind."
"I go because I'm told it is medically necessary by my wife. Otherwise I've been conditioned to determine whether it is financially necessary. In other words, if I'm not missing work because of it, it isn't necessary."
"I can't speak for everyone, but that is what I grew up with and I can't just "break" it, so I really do rely on my wife to force the issue, otherwise the cost factor pretty much overrules everything."
"I hate making appointments unless absolutely necessary. I don’t feel like going to a doctor is a necessity unless I’m not feeling well (I know I’m an idiot). As far as the dentist goes my wife made the appointment once and ever since then the receptionist makes my next appointment."
"You can be completely oblivious to any mess in the house but can spot a wall has been brush painted in the wrong direction from 20ft away."
"Wall is permanent mess is temporary"
"I am a man. I don't know anything about painting so don't spot stuff like that but every time I visit someone I spot how they set up their router/WiFi and see why they might have problems with their WiFi connection as they just hide their stuff away instead of putting the box in a way the waves flow unobstructed. I work in IT."
"English is not my first language and I'm kinda tired but hope what I wrote makes sense."
"I learned some guys are like this because they were never raised to clean up after themselves. Their moms or caretakers always did the tidying for them, so they never learned to “see” mess and do anything about it."
"Compare this to something like wall painting which can be something that they spend a lot of time perfecting."
Breath, I Forgot To BreatheBreathe Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy
"I'm a man. But something that confused my wife is when I suddenly take a deep breath for no reason. She's like 'are you ok? You sure? Anything you need to talk about? What's going on?' And I just say 'nah I'm fine, think I just forgot to breathe and catching up'."
"To be honest, I feel really blessed that I have someone who cares enough to ask if I'm OK. But yeh, seriously just forgot to breathe 😀"
"Dude it's so fukin true that i was taking a deep breath as i was reading ur comment."
"Are you ok? Anything you need to talk about?"
"My wife's biggest gripe is that I will spend time hiking / drinking / driving / whatever with friends I haven't seen in months, and when I get home I will have absolutely nothing to report back despite having talked solidly with them for six hours."
"My wife on the other hand will casually pass a friend in the street and within ten minutes knows what theyve done every day since they last spoke, the health and financial status of them and all other friends and relatives, and a forward facing calendar for the next three months."
"It’s funny though. All the bullsh*t we talk about as guys slowly leaks a bunch of personal information over time. You can tell that one guy isn’t happy with his relationship, one guy is broke, one guy hates his job, one guy has a medical issue. You know all of this without really talking about it just because you spend quality time with them. Yet even we can’t recount it directly, we just know it in the moment when we are with the boys."
"Damn you really hit the nail on the head there."
- User Deleted
Going Into Screensaver Modelooking homer simpson GIFGiphy
"I’ve learned a lot being married to my husband, but there’s one thing I fail to understand in general. Why do you guys like to stare out the window so often? It’s usually just going up to a window or looking out the front door, and you fall into a trance. What’s up with that?"
"I actually do this a lot."
"Also when I’m in the shower I will just stand and think."
"I’m usually thinking how to solve a problem that will probably never occur."
"Lol. I love it. It’s particularly amusing to me when I’ll realize the room has fallen silent and I look up and he’s just there. Staring. My dad did it too."
"It's a way to trick your brain to go idle long enough to enter screensaver."
Power Saving mode
"My gf is still baffled at the fact that I can just turn off my brain and not think of anything"
"There's a science museum where I live and there's a game you can play that uses brain waves. Basically it has a ball in the middle of the table that moves based on who has the least amount of brain activity at the time. And you want the ball to move away from you."
"You put on a head piece and when both players are ready, they touch the two pads on the table with you hands. I'm currently undefeated at a record of 14-0. Idk if I'm dumb or if I just shut everything off but life support lol"
"I found my husband on the couch in a dead silent house whistling tunelessly and playing bongos on his own tummy. When I asked what he's thinking about as he's doing that he says 'You know...nothin'. Like listening to the wind in your mind and sh*t. Everyone does it'."
"No Cowboy, we don't all do that. Y'all have some magic happening. Sounds nice."
One Of The Worlds Mysteries
"D*cks, the way they work is confusing. Like I’ve been told they only react when seeing or feeling something they like but I’ve also been told it will just decide to pop up randomly though the day with nothing."
"True, d*cks are doing what they want. Sometimes out of nowhere it just decides to stands up. Also, it can stand up when you're aroused (obviously) or when you're excited to see someone you haven't seen in a long time."
"Can confirm, i got a got a penis and im still confused how it works at times."
"Fun fact: The penis has pressure sensors, just touching it a bit or squeezing a bit can be enough to trigger an erection."
"Boners are strange. Morning wood is the result of overstimulation from a dream. We get nervous boners. We get sad boners. We get angry boners."
Forgive And Forgeti forgive you hug GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphy
"I find it confusing how men are so forgiving. It’s one of the things I adore the most about men and find the most baffling. I’m learning now that men will get over things like 40 minutes after they happen and genuinely get frustrated and sad when their girls hold grudges. I’ve found that the people I’ve had falling outs with and was able to rekindle my friendships with were mostly all men."
"I also find it weird how men will fight each other and then be best friends the next day."
"You get angry in the moment but then after you're removed from the situation you gotta let yourself cool off. Once you're thinking clearly you'll realize it wasn't that big a deal and get over it. Usually the start of a fight isn't that big it's the stuff that comes after that escalates it so you just recognize that both of you just human and do and say dumb things when your blood is up. Also I think women tend to plan more and then act and men will just act and plan on the fly so that leads to women believing slights or f**k ups are more intentional whereas men will just think of them as mistakes and forgive them."
"Coincidentally, just yesterday I was reminiscing on a friend and me getting into a fight. I hit him over the head with a glass bottle and he gave me a really clean two-piece in response."
"I laughed for a few minutes at how inconsequential that fight was after the fact, but how extreme it was looking back on it. We’re still thick as thieves to this day, lol"
"As a guy I feel we are a bit more black and white about forgiveness. I can easily forgive and forget most low-level things given time but I still have some grudges from over 10 years ago. I will likely never forgive them."
"Basically men work like traffic tickets. Small things are forgiven quickly. Bigger things take time. Some things are permanent."
"Some women feel more like an actual criminal record that never gets expunged."
"If someone is kind/self-aware/brave enough to apologize after they screw up, then it becomes easy to accept an apology from someone who understands they did something wrong and wishes that they hadn’t. Everyone makes mistakes, especially men, so forgiving and moving on is much more sensible than holding a grudge"
I Am OkayAnimated GIFGiphy
"When guys are seriously injured but act like its just a scratch… that they can somehow walk it off. All the guys I know are like this."
"A serious answer is because we don't want to panic and cause an issue"
"This is it right here. As soon as a calm guy starts panicking, everyone is panicking."
"Reminds me of when I accidentally cut a chunk of my finger so deeply that it hung off and you could see white underneath. I was internally freaking out and didn't even want to look at it, but did so I could assess the damage. I calmly asked my partner to bring me some bandages and alcohol and when I turned to look at her, she was pale and her lips were turning blue. She said 'Okay, but I need to sit down for a sec...'."
"I ended up walking all the way to the first aid box on the bottom floor of our apartment building while holding a cup under my finger to catch all the blood. I wasn't gonna try and walk it off, but I absolutely knew I couldn't panic for her and my sake!"
"TLDR: Someone will have to fix it, and panicking makes problems harder to fix."
"Exactly. Panicking doesn't help the situation. A clear head and talking to people on how to help solves way more."
They Jiggle Jiggle...
"How their crotch doesn't hurt when they run or go up the stairs. Like, even with underwear, you just have stuff hanging down there. I don't even have a large chest and it hurts to run regardless if I'm wearing a bra or not"
"I gotta tell you, the penis doesn't weigh much."
"A boob weighs more, and you ladies have two of them."
"One testicle also hangs lower than the other for the specific purpose of not getting crushed when walking."
"I'm a guy and I didn't know this, lol. Neat."
"Our stuff is not as heavy as yours, so we don't feel the dangling effect much. Also, sometimes it hurts when we wear very tight/ short undies"
"A couple things: Breasts are considerably larger and heavier than testicles, so they bounce a lot more. I jump up and down a few times when I get out of the shower, so my towel doesn’t have to soak up quite so much water, and I do support my balls while I’m jumping. That was a mistake I made exactly once. But if you’re wearing briefs, and the bouncing isn’t as much, it’s not really an issue."
"You’ve had your breasts since puberty. We’ve had our penis since birth. We had to learn to walk with it. You had a decade to get used to walking a certain way before your build changed dramatically. We’ve had essentially the same hardware our entire lives."
... at this point I might be more confused than I was going into this article.
We've got mess-blind people, refusal to acknowledge injury as if denial is somehow a healing agent ... and a dude who forgets to breathe.
The land Down Under is one of the most highly anticipated travel destinations for tourists around the world. Australia has fascinating history, beautiful sights, great food, cool wildlife, and some pretty cool people.
But as with any travel destination, there's bound to be a certain degree of culture shock. Have a seat and listen up, because you're in for some surprises.
Australians shared some information with us after Redditor emchmu123 asked the online community,
"Australians of Reddit, what is something that the rest of the world would be surprised or shocked to hear about the country?"
"There are more wild camels..."
"There are more wild camels in Australia than the Middle East."
At some point, the British were just like, what other animals can we introduce to this place? And then they just did it.
"You can drive for 26 hours straight and still be in the same state. It's kinda unsettling, especially those really tiny mining towns that have like a gas station and just flat dryland for as far as you can see."
It's kind of crazy how desolate so much of the country is. You don't just go to the Outback, you prepare to go there.
"In some parts..."
"In some parts of the country you are closer to space than the nearest town."
That's another way to hammer this point home.
"While I was working..."
"While I was working in Whistler people were often shocked to hear we have ski resorts in Australia."
Wow, you guys have everything.
Why do you get all the good stuff?! What about the rest of us?!
"I've never had..."
"I’ve never had shrimp on the barbie - ever!"
Can you even call yourself Australian at this point? How can we possibly process this information as the ignorant tourists that we are?
"Every spring, Magpies take to swooping people who come near their nests. Not a secret really, but I don't know how widely known it is."
I love magpies. They are the mascot of chaos and destruction.
"That there are..."
"That there are vast areas of rainforest as well as the better-known desert areas."
And it's beautiful! You forgot to mention that it's incredibly beautiful.
"The last confirmed death..."
"Almost no one here dies to spiders or snakes. The last confirmed death from a spider bite was in 1979."
This is exactly the kind of propaganda a deadly Australian spider would spread.
"It was a conservative government..."
"It was a conservative government that introduced gun control laws."
A nice fact to whip out at dinner parties the next time someone says that only liberals are for reform.
"You're supposed to eat Vegemite toast with butter. Not just a thick slather of Vegemite like Nutella."
"You're supposed to eat Vegemite toast..."
Hang on a second!
They've certainly not told us everything, but take heed, fellow traveler, and report back. Australia is a hell of a place and you'll have plenty of stories to tell when you come back!