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Kids Reveal The Most Dad Thing Their Fathers Have Ever Done

Dad jokes are having their well-deserved moment in the sun right now. The wholesome, corny, giggles that only dads can provide are just the kind of thing we all need right now. One reddit user asked:

What is the daddest thing your dad has done or said?

The responses were a master class in cheesiness and commitment to a joke. To the dads about to rock puns, we salute you. Here were some of our favorite lame and loveable dads.

Swishy Pants

Mine wears Swishy Pants. Like, I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I've seen him in something else in the last five years and two of those times were funerals. The swishy athletic pants, an inexplicably beat-up pair of New Balance sneakers (he literally just bought them, how do they look like that already??) and a jacket with a (insert name of local sports teams) logo. Oh, and a baseball cap. He has one for our hometown team, and all four of our major regional sports teams' various championship years.

"They Didn't Say"

My dad picks up the phone and answers "Hello...?" before taking a long pause. His expression widens and grows very worried and surprised. My sister and I are already fucking baited and hooked.

"You don't say..." He says, with a light gasp. "You dont say!?". My sister and I are trembling at this point with curiosity.

He then clears his throat "Well, okay then... goodbye" before hanging up.

In unison, my sister and I ask "Who was it?!"

"He didn't say..."

Hunting And Gathering

**"I have hunted and gathered and I have returned victorious!" **... Yes Dad, I'm sure ordering pizza was quite the ordeal.

My Newt

Cleaning out the massive pond they have in their garden, he comes in all wellie'd up holding a small newt is his hand and scares my mum with it.

"What the HELL are you doing?!"

"Just showing you we have newts in the pond. It's a sign of a healthy pond, look at him, he's so cute. I'm going to call him 'Tiny' I think."

"What? What a rubbish name, why?"

Then he goes for the pun on the word "minute" like super small and goes:

"Because he's my newt."

Oh the dad jokes were strong that day, many eyes were rolled and groans were had. I chuckled and felt ashamed.

Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" came on in the car when he was driving me somewhere and he poked my face multiple times during the "Popopopopopo popopoker face" parts.

He also loves Lowes and Home Depot.

Bagel Shop Contest

I was at my local bagel shop with a friend and a we needed a dad joke for a contest they were having so I texted him asking for a dad joke and he responds with:

"A fish swims into a wall and says dam."

Proud Of A Pun

My dad got into a terrible accident where his foot became severed and was only hanging on to him by a flap of skin.

There was no way to re-attach the foot while retaining full mobility. If the foot would be re-attached, his ankle bones would have to be fused together, making it impossible for him to bend his ankle. The nerves would be pinched and he would be in a lot of pain. Every doctor he spoke to recommended amputation.

"No," my dad stubbornly said, "I've grown attached to my foot."

And that is the story of how my dad has been living in daily pain for almost two decades because he was proud of a pun.

Al Pacino

I was on the phone with my mother talking about wanting a frappucino and my dad busted in the room like "what about Al Pacino?"

The Gang Way

Not my dad, but I kinda wish he was.

My husband and I were on a cruise this past New Years and the captain came over the intercom with instructions on how to exit the ship. He said something about the "gangway" and the kids next to us asked their dad what the gangway was.

"You can't explain the gang way. You just live the gang way."

The kids looked confused but my husband and I were cracking up.

Hanson

Couple of years ago I got stuck at train station when buses from station were cancelled.

Called Dad to ask for a lift, I'm standing in the waiting pick up bay with tons of other people in the same situation, Dad drives up with MMMBOP blaring out of the car speaker system.

A Bath Towel And A Loaded Gun

After reading all these replies I think my dad is crazy... I remember him screaming from inside my closet "POWER TOOLS" then seeing a drill bit go through the door. Or when I saw him in our front yard in this dying pine tree pouring gasoline down the truck from his unsafe perch in the top few branches. And most recently... I had texted him that there was a possum on the porch (I had just gotten home from work it as like 11pm) and he comes out wearing just a towel and asks me where it went. I said it's under the porch and he goes inside and comes back out still in a bath towel with a .22 in hand laughing like a madman.

I love my father.

Buzz Cut

My Dad has long hair, whenever he is in a long line of people he likes to wait until the person behind him complains so he can turn around and say "Tell me about it, I had a buzz cut when I got here."

Overboard

Its just a really typical dad thing to take their hobbies overboard.

If he brews beer he wants a full brewery setup in the basement. If he likes fish he wants a 500 gallon saltwater zoo exhibit. If he likes to grill he wants the brand new Weber Genesis 4-Burner.

Personally my dad was into high end audio equipment. My basement was completely acoustically dead, he had interconnects worth more than my bike, I wasnt allowed within like 2 feet of the stereo.

My husband's dad went to the hardware store for a saw to cut down a couple small trees. Came home with a chainsaw that was the most expensive they sold, and that they actually warned him against buying since it was generally only used by professional lumberjacks.

Next time I visit, he pulls me outside to his brand new grill that cost as much as some cars. He looked at me, took a long sip of wine and said:

"This is the grill I don't ever have to worry about again."

A Guy Named Cliff

Dad (to screaming sister in the back seat): "If you don't stop yelling I'm going to drive this car off a cliff!"

Brother: "Dad, there are no cliffs in this town."

Dad: "I'm sure there's a guy named Cliff somewhere in this town!"

The Baker

My dad is a baker. We were walking in a busy area on a family outing, we are passing this really short guy, and my dad says:

**"Haha that guy needs some yeast" **

It was so bad it was funny...

Has A Mustache

He wears socks with sandals. Has a mustache. Starts a lot of conversations with:

"I'm not paying for anything."

Hot Dog Hand

My dad called me to ask if i wanted to eat a hot dog. I said no.

Later he comes home, and i see my room door open slightly. Only his hand slips into my room with a hotdog container. He leaves it on my desk thats right by the door, hand slips out, and the door closes.

It was so quiet. So quick lmao.

Oh and the door opened slightly again for a moment for him to slip some ketchup packets onto the desk too.

Cashiers Cringe

Makes cringey comments to the cashier like:

Cashier: your total is $202.76

Dad: Easy for you to say!

Grandpa

My grandpa once asked me what I was up to. I casually replied:

**"Not much, what are you up to?" **

He said: **"Oh, about 5'9" **

The Waitress

When we're out to eat, after he finishes his food, the waitress asks if he enjoyed his meal. My dad with empty plate in front of him:

"Oh, no, we didn't like it at all!"

Every. Single. Time. Help.

H/T: Reddit

Lifehacks, if applied properly, can really change the course of a single household chore.

Chores can really be such a pain to take care of, and nobody wants to do it. But with a little life hack under your belt, you might be able to turn chore time into something a little fun.

u/rat-avec-london asked:

What is a lifehack that seems fake, but is a true lifesaver?

Here were some of those answers.


My Finger, The Glass

If your ring gets stuck on your finger windex will slide it right off. Worked at a jewelry store for five plus years.

coykoi314

You can also use any oil (cooking, automotive... anything).

You can also reduce the size of your hand (and finger) by holding it up in the air. Chilling your hand in cold water THEN holding it up in the air for a couple minutes whilst rubbing oil &/or dishwashing fluids in there... trifecta of ring removal.

Should work on anyone that just stole Sauron's prize - though biting it off also works, i suppose.

SageSilinous

Multiple Uses

Use shaving cream as anti-fog. I used it on the inside of my motorcycle visor. Smear it on, let it dry, then rinse off and dry. It also works for bathroom mirrors. You can use it on a small spot so you can still see when you get out of the shower.

Caspers_Shadow

Shaving cream also removes the smell of urine. If you ever have to take care of someone who is old and/or sick and who wets the bed, a little shaving cream on a rag wiped over their buttocks after they are thoroughly cleaned up helps them really smell clean again.

It's a bit of a sad tip, I know, but you never know when you might end up caring for someone who needs help with things like this. Nobody wants to smell. A dab of shaving cream to restore a bit of dignity? Priceless.

Gen-Jinjur

Pretty Important For Stage Actors

Every male should know this. If you want to get rid of an awkward boner flex any muscle in your body maybe an arm. For a minute. The blood will rush to that muscle and away from your penis. Crisis averted.

GingerOverseer

These life hacks really don't seem real at all, but if you can swear by them, they can save your life.

Obligatory Poop Hack

I saw a comment on one of these kinda threads that recommended gently rocking back and forth while pooping. I've never had any problems in the bathroom, but I happened to be sitting on the toilet when I read the comment so I decided to give it a test drive. I was pleasantly surprised at how quick and effortless the whole experience was and I haven't gone back to my old stationary technique since. As a bonus, #1 and #2 now require the same amount of time in the bathroom!

ASS_LORD_666

It's The Alcohol

If you have funky armpits and need to fix them fast, use hand sanitiser. I figured this out years ago when I remembered that the smell comes from bacteria reactions - which antibacterial hand gel kills stone dead. Instant results and the medical smell lasts only a minute. Don't do this routinely though as it's delicate skin.

ihadanideaonce

But Hopefully It's Just A Playing Puppy

True lifesaver: if you are ever attacked by a dog, push your forearm INTO the bite. This pries the jaws apart and prevents them from clamping down. If a dog is attacking you, the best thing you can do is offer your forearm, push as far back as possible, and then grab the dog by the scruff of its neck with your other hand to hold it. The dog is now functionally muzzled and you have control of its head. The sooner and harder you push into the bite, the less damage the bite will do.

IAlbatross

Get It Off Anything

That rubbing alcohol removes chewing gum.

I'd go through a 20 layer deep marketing funnel to get to that tip because it really does work.

Also wow! Thank you for all of the awards nice Redditors. I completely forgot I left this comment and came back and my notifications had blown up.

omgIamafraidofreddit

And previously impossible situations will give way at long last.

Sayonara Capsaicin

Rubbing vegetable oil (or any cooking oil) on your hands after you cut up jalapeños or other hot peppers. It gets rid of the awfulness that would normally be left on your hands from the peppers. I rub my hands with oil and then wash it off with dish soap. I can totally remove my contacts after doing this. It's crazy how well this works.

PaulRuddsButthole

Crying Crying

Put your onion in the freezer for 10 minutes before chopping it. It freezes the juices just enough to slow down the process of it turning in to a gas, giving you a few minutes to chop the onion without tears. I learnt this tip from a kid's science show years ago and I haven't had to deal with onion tears since. So many people don't believe me, and then are genuinely surprised when it works.

Lost_in_the_Library

Just A Quick Little Base

The cheapest, most effective, and safest insecticide against roaches (especially those huge "water bug" roaches that we have in the South) is a spray bottle of mostly water with just a little liquid dish soap in it.

Shake the bottle & get the water a little foamy, then spray the roaches. They will run, scrabble, and attempt escape, of course, but they will die. The soap film suffocates them faster than any chemicals will.

A friend told me about this, & I thought she was nuts, but I tried it & it works amazingly well. Plus it's very easy to clean up and safe around food (not that you want to spray soapy water ON your food).

SnooPickles3213

Incorporating any of these lifehacks into your home may make a big difference. You'll never want to turn back.

Or you will, whatever. But they're worth a try!

Image by Olya Adamovich from Pixabay

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