College students living on campus can sometimes struggle to adjust to life on their own. Some party too hard, some adjust fine, others fall into a mischievous streak and start pulling pranks - and then there's the freakishly disproportionate amount who somehow manage to burn popcorn or light grilled cheese on fire with such vengeance that they set off fire alarms and force entire buildings to evacuate.
I may have been that last one.
So when one reddit thread devolved into a conversation about the weirdest college fire alarm stories, I had to scan through it to make sure nobody was talking about me or my many, many "moments" my first year in college. In my defense, I had never lived alone and had a very overprotective family who didn't let me do things for myself. Also, I'm absentminded and toaster ovens are hard.
Anyway, here are some of the funnier comments in the thread, none of which are about me. Some have been edited for language or clarity.
My Bad
First week of freshman year of college in my dorm, I tried to drunkenly smoke a cigarette while taking a dump one night, but ended up passing out mid-smoke and somehow ignited the toilet paper roll enough that it smoldered and set off a smoke detector, which triggered the fire alarm for the whole building. It was not one of my finer moments.
Middle Of A Blizzard
Graduate apartment, someone burns food while cooking. They open their door to let out the smoke - exactly what they are not supposed to do. The hallway smoke detectors are a lot more sensitive than the kitchen ones and we all have to get outside at 1 am in the middle of a blizzard. Luckily I was sleeping with underwear on and I grabbed sweatpants and a tshirt quickly.
Tired
I once woke up to a fire alarm in college. Kind of. Exhausted I wake up and think
"F*ck it, it's probably a false alarm."
A minute later I smelled smoke so I sat up, but then decided "nah I'm going to bed" and actually went back to bed. In the morning I found out there was a big ass garbage can on fire in the room next to me.
Boy was I tired during college.
Like Clockwork
My freshman year of college I got caught in the shower every fire alarm and drill like clockwork. The first couple of times was kinda funny, I put on my pjs still wet and with shampoo in my hair but laughed it off, by the 3rd time I started to revolt.
It was 11 at night and it went off, I started screaming and me and my RA fought through the door with me trying to convince her to let me stay cause "the fire can't get me in the shower." Didn't fly. The fourth time I just came out in my thinnest towel since this was a Christian school and I wanted to make everyone else feel awkward, I was fine.
By the fifth time the RD told my RA she could start warning me before hand. I managed to stay out of the shower during fire drills after that but we had a tornado warning one morning and when my RA came to wake me up I told her just to charge me the 100 dollars for staying in bed. She made me get up and I laid in the basement in my blanket cocoon till I had to leave for my chem ll exam.
My second year I roomed with the RA so I never had to worry about it, though she did have to stop me a few times from jumping in the shower right before one happened. My junior year I just straight up told the RD I would leave the apartment naked if she didn't give me some warning. I think we only had like 2 that year though.
Fake Rapture
It's actually pretty great. So we knew were getting a late night fire alarm, like 2 a.m. late, so most of the hall decided to stay up, it was a weekend after all. Well someone throws around the idea of faking the rapture and we got IN on it. We invited one of our friends to come watch Tangled in the lounge and she went to shower while we got to work.
Everyone changed out of the clothes they were wearing and we placed them all over the room like we had just been taken. Some of us were on the couches, others at the table, and even a few on the floor. We had books open, the movie playing, popcorn popped, hell we even put underwear in the piles to make it more believable. So we do all this set up and almost everyone on the hall piles into one central room. And then we wait.
This girl was in the shower for like an hour so as we all sit there we start to get worried, we're on a time frame after all and what if the alarm goes off before we can pull this off? Then we hear talking in the hallway and it's the RA and RD coming to pull the alarm for the drill! So we grab them and shove them into the room with us and make them keep quiet cause we are NOT letting all this work go to waste.
The girl finally leaves her room and we hear her calling for everyone in the lounge. She's mostly just confused but when she starts knocking on doors we start to get worried. So we shove one of the people in the room with us out to convince her it's happened (I was suggested as a sacrifice but I can't keep a straight face to save my life so that wasn't happening). They actually wake up another girl who is not in on it but realizes pretty quick what is happening and plays along. The girl we were trying to trick is about to call her mom in a panic and see if she was taken when we all pile out of the room to stop her.
Many laughs were had, the rest of the hall was awakened by our shenanigans and they finally had the fire drill.
Then like a week later, a group of guys tried it on there hall and filmed it but that kid lost his mind when he thought he had been left and we were banned from ever doing something like that again :<.
Left A Deaf Kid Behind
During my first week of college the fire alarm went off and the RA in one of the sections skipped checking the rooms. They left a deaf kid behind. Luckily, it was only burnt popcorn and no one was hurt, but we all had to stand outside in the pouring cold rain and the whole dorm was lectured on how we had to leave.
It wasn't until it started to storm that they let us back in over an hour later.
A Pristine Crack
So we had firedrills every term in my dorms. However, nobody was informed of the first one because they wanted to make sure we were on our toes. I was having a pretty bad time in the restroom, I forgot what I ate that day. Whilst struggling, the alarm went off.
My first thought was, "Sh!t I have to go right now!"
But then I thought, "I'll have to skip cleaning up and meet up with my hallmates outside with a messy brown canyon in my pants."
It was a pretty compelling thought. So I decided to take a capital L by staying and cleaning up, all while the alarms blared and flashed. I lived on the top floor, mind you.
Ultimately, if I died, I wanted everybody I knew to know that I died with a pristine crack.
Dabbing
In college, the fire alarm went off in my dorm at 6ish AM. Less than half the building actually left, and a bunch of people took the elevator. Everyone thought it was a fire drill so they either kept trying to sleep, kept showering or kept pooping. Turns out it was a fire drill, and the fire marshal that triggered it was super pissed. The school got in trouble because they were "responsible for our safety", and started doing fire drills regularly. That made people even less inclined to get up for it, but there was no real punishment they could dole out.
Eventually, one kid lit his room on fire with a mini torch when heating his dab, and only about 1/4 of the building evacuated. Once the fire trucks arrived everyone started pouring out, but a few kids had to be treated for smoke inhalation.
After that everyone exited the building when the alarm went off, for about 6 months.
Finish Your Business
I was in University and I was on the toilet at the time the fire alarm went off in the dorm. At first I panicked a bit, then I quickly wiped the worst of the mess away, flushed and evacuated. We were supposed to gather across the street from the dorm but I went straight to the nearby dining hall and finished my business in the bathroom there.
Good Job
I was mid shower in a communal shower in college. I was an RA at the time and it was my job to open all of my residents doors and make sure they were empty. Then get out myself. I had about 10 rooms to check.
I grabbed my towel and with shampoo in my hair bolted as quickly I as could out of the shower. The look on one guys face when I opened his door was priceless. I then got to stand outside in my towel and sudsy hair while the fire department did their thing. Turns out a microwave caught fire.
My Residential Director thought it was hilarious, and commended me at our next meeting for doing my job under such circumstances. I was mortified.
Highlights
I was at the Dr office once and the fire alarm went off. My doc was in a mixed use building so there were all kinda of businesses and was across from the local mall. Right after my appointment finished the alarm went off. When we got to the designated evac zone, one girl was in the middle of getting highlights or her hair dyed, another was in the process of getting shampoo. I felt so bad for them as it took over an hour before they were let back into the building.
Twisted
I was once in the bathroom at work taking a dump when we had a tornado drill. The bathrooms were one of the designated shelters, and of course the shelter closest to my department to boot. I finished up and walked out in what I hope was a nonchalant way only to see all my co workers including the guy I was crushing on. They were all very cool and professional about it luckily.
Burned Popcorn, Burned Scalp
I was in the middle of dying my hair in, like, February when an engineering student caught his microwave on fire while making popcorn. Stood outside as long as I could bear with my scalp burning, walked to a friend's dorm to rinse and ended up just staying the night there instead of heading back. Dorm didn't really try to account for all residents, just that no one was still inside.
H/T: Reddit
Many of us sometimes fantasize about what we would do to our worst enemies, especially in the moments when they're actively making our lives worse.
While most of us would never actually do any of the things that we contemplate instead of screaming at that super annoying person at the office, we do get pretty creative with the ideas.
Redditor take_me_there_ asked:
"What WOULD you wish on your worst enemy?"
This One Would Hurt
"A conscience. Let her realize the horrific things she’s done."
- Jenny010137
"Seriously. Introspection, self awareness, and empathy are traits that would improve a lot of sh*tty people."
- el_muerte17
"Oh I wish I had thought of this one. If my enemy had a conscience, wow life would be much different."
- Shelbysouth43
No Pearly Whites For You
"I’d like all their teeth to turn really yellow and stay yellow no matter what they do."
- toothfixingfiend
"What did I ever do to you?"
- Spideredd
"I don't even know you! Give me back my enamel!"
- AngryMustache9
Everything You Own Is Orange Now
"Permanent Cheeto fingers. Just orange cheese dust getting on everything."
- cocoapuff1721
"This has to be one of the most evil things I ever heard, yet absolutely hilarious."
-Merk0411
"The Midas Touch: Snack Edition"
- MaryVenetia
Ouch, But Forever
"Stubbing and breaking their toe and right as it’s about to be done healing it happens again over and over for the rest of their pitiful time on this hell we call earth."
- No-Bee-2971
"Sisyphoot"
- Alpha_6
"More of a Toemetheus imo"
- PykeTheDrowned
Self Reflection
"For them to realize how big of an a-hole they are."
- mayhemanaged
"Same for me. The trouble is mine probably knows what a tremendous a-hole he is, and just doesn't care (it's what defines him, is his outlook more than likely), so, give mine a conscience as well, he undeniably lacks one."
- RhoadsOfRock
"a crushing moment of self realization is something that can destroy you mentally. I wish that on them."
- chancetodream
Bury Them Under A Mountain Of Minor Inconveniences
"Always being hungry two hours after eating no matter how large the meal. Slow internet. Traffic jams no matter the location. Self doubt. Allergies. Favorite shows spoiled."
"Nothing major enough to be life altering but constant, low grade inconveniences that wear on your soul every day."
- I_Love_Small_Br**sts
"Every bite of food they eat/drink they drink being slightly the wrong temperature."
"Coffee? Warm but not hot. Cola? Cool, but not cold. Muffin? Ever so slightly frozen."
"Not enough to ruin their life, but just enough to not quite have full enjoyment of anything.."
- HappiHappiHappi
They'll Never Be Able To Use Their Computer Again
"Quick scan with McAfee on their computer."
- halflife_3
"You f**king monster."
- Orion_2kTC
"The constant pop-ups from McAfee is too far."
- _Land_Rover_Series_3
That's A New Level Of Evil
"Bed bugs."
- thrawn1825
"Currently dealing with bed bugs, and I can absolutely confirm this is the kind of thing I would wish upon my worst enemy. It is miserable and painful, and I've tried everything to get rid of them at this point."
"I would easily wish this upon my worst enemy, x10."
- ArbitrarilyStagnant
"Oh hell no, you went there... Hopefully they aren't living in an apartment complex or you've cursed everyone in the building."
- expect_less
Well of course I know him. He’s me.
"$100,000. I sure could use it."
- Sparklesperson
"'It’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy'"
- FishyVonFishenHymer
"Lol I thought this was that deep sh*t like 'pray for those you resent to have all the things you want in life….' Then I realized."
- No-Chipmunk9527
Forever Constipated
"That they can never have a satisfying poop. They always feel like they have to go to the bathroom and when they do nothing comes."
- [User Deleted]
"Wow. That's evil. Always feeling the need to pee would be good (as in horrific) too."
- ipakookapi
We definitely don't recommend implementing any of these plans (not that most would actually be possible), but here's some new ideas for the next time you're stuck in a meeting with your most annoying coworker and need a little fantastical escape.
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I grew up poor, and I remember the little things that made me smile when we just happened to have enough that week.
The little things that a truly rich person would not think twice about.
Ah, the luxury of it.
What spells luxury for you?
Redditor ConAir161057 wanted to compare notes about the things in life that feel like items only money can buy. They asked:
"For people who grew up with little money, what always felt like a luxury?"
New clothes. I had so many hand me downs and thrift store clothes... new seemed like a dream.
Anxiety
"After growing up in a home where every unexpected problem was a financial emergency, my idea of wealthy became 'I just want enough money that if something breaks I don't get anxiety about how to deal with it.'"
Obiwan_ca_bl**me
Literature
"Getting to buy something from the scholastic book fair."
Rich*itch3232
"My school, at the end of it a bunch of books were 'donated' and then spread out on a table in the library. We all got to go pick one book. So even if kids didn’t get to purchase a book, in the end they had a chance to still get a book. It’s actually how I got my first Harry Potter book. Was a cool idea for any school staff or parents active in their kids’ schools."
glass_pillow
Christmas
"Getting new clothes at Christmas from relatives. I don't know if that is exactly a luxury or the kind of answer you are looking for, but we never had a lot of money when I was in middle school. I went an entire year wearing the same pants everyday. The funny thing was my parents didn't even buy them for me."
"I got them for Christmas from my Grandparents. All the kids use to give me so much sh*t for wearing the same pants everyday. I always told them that I had 5 of the same pair which made me feel good inside and kind of made them ease off even though I know they didn't believe me."
"I remember I fell on the school bus one day and the jagged floor cut a hole right in the knee cap and the panic that went over me was just insane. It was one of the worst feelings of my whole life because I knew that I didn't have any other pants to wear and that now all of the kids in my school were going to know that I only had 1 pair. Needless to say I could not wait for the last month of school to end."
themagicman_1231
I'm Away
"Summer camp, or basically any school trips that had to be paid for. At my school the kids who couldn't afford to go on trips that happened during school hours still had to come to the school, we just sat in a room and did extra work like it was detention."
Helpful_Yams
"I was lucky. If you taught at the day camp your kid could go for free. That was just day camp though not sleepaway camp. My mom found a camp teacher who had no kids of his own and he signed me up as his kid so I could get free day camp. Did that all through elementary school."
randtcouple
Big Deals
"Going out for pizza was a big deal. Those free mini pizzas for reading books were huge."
Shroom4Yoshi
Food is always an issue when you're broke.
Damage
"Being able to turn on the heat in the cold and pay a professional to fix damaged appliances, plumbing, and other issues."
Liggettef
Spoiled
"When my grandma would come pick me up and spoil me. My parents didn't have much money and were addicts so when my grandma would come get me I would come back with new clothes, video games, toys, etc. I used to think my grandma was rich but she actually just had a stable income."
nawlepen
"I was in this position when I was younger. I always thought my grandma had SO much money… but all she did was go to work everyday. Always made sure I had clothes and all my school supplies. I miss her pretty bad."
Keywork29
Water
"I am from a small island in the Pacific. While I mostly still take cold showers, I have always felt that a hot shower is the finest luxury one can experience. I had my first hot shower when I was 22 years old and I can never forget it."
FSMPIO
"This is the kind of luxury I think people take for granted, I always avoided showers in the winter as a kid since most of the time they where cold showers and the temperature here was around 12c° during those times."
PowerfullDio
Showerware
"Towels. Honestly, I was almost 10 When I realized people didn’t just put back on their dirty clothes after a shower because my family was so large (12 kids total including myself) and extremely poor. I thought towels were just for hotels or were maybe a prop on television. I went to a friends house and she asked for my help folding her towels. I remember laughing and thinking she must be rich."
"Long story short, I wasn’t sure which way to fold the towels, and begged my mom to buy them after I revealed that my friend, Simone, had them. She bought a box of used ones from a local auction and I walked around with them on my head feeling like a frigging empress after that, even though—-let’s be clear… these were second hand towels!"
shakezula1025
Or BK...
"Grew up poor and when I was a kid I used to think you were rich if you had a dishwasher and a millionaire if you had one of those refrigerators that have a button for ice. McDonalds was also a luxury, a couple times a year on our birthdays."
chinderellab*tch
Everyone should have access to all of these things. Why is life unfair?
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And there are just as many grievances for which we are not at all sorry.
Curious to hear about people's track record of their questionable behavior, Redditor NanoPKx asked:
"What is something bad you have done with no regrets?"
Is it petty theft or flat out stealing? You decide.
The Parting Gift
"'Forgetting' to bring back a company ipad after they forgot about me having it. Actually they never asked for it back so I still have it and use it."
– Koetjeka
Furry Companion
"I stole a barn kitten while delivering packages for FedEx. He kept climbing my legs and getting into the van, sitting under the wheel when I tried to back out (it was a steep driveway, no way to swing the van around). I called the number on the package, looked the name up on facebook, called the local non-emergency to get contact info, all failed."
"So I took him. Now, if you're not from a rural environment, you might not understand that barn cats like that are 'no-man's-cats.' For all the owners know, he got sick or got got by a coyote. And he would have died, because when we got him to the vet he had a nasty upper resp infection and some other nasties."
"Now, one deformed nasal passage and the cutest snore later, we have a bonkers little orange cat with the heaviest penchant for snuggling I've ever seen (his name is Monty btw)."
"Edit: I forgot to pay my Cat Tax: https://imgur.com/a/HIXS4us"
"Edit Part 2: Monty loves the attention. Thank you for loving him as much as we do :3"
"MmmmMMMMRrrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW" -Montgomerey Valentine, 2022
– SonOfSkinDealer
The Dirty Treat
"A housemate of mine kept eating mine and my girlfriends food and even though I asked him to stop the only thing he would ever say is 'I thought it was mine' then keep eating it."
"Well I bought my girlfriend some ice cream she really enjoys and she put the half she didn’t finish back in the freezer. Well when she want to get the rest it was gone and it made me madder than I think it probably should have."
"The very next time I saw him and somehow keeping a straight apologetic face I told him how he accidentally ate our sex ice cream and that bits of it had been on our parts etc. I told him I felt guilty not to tell him and that I had to apologise for him to eat such a thing."
"I will never forget the face he made when I told him. A face of pure self disgust and shock to which all he had to say was 'I wish you never told me that' and proceeded to move out around a month later."
"Although he didn’t actually eat sex ice cream, like why the f'k would you put it back after use anyway? Sometimes I wonder if I went to far but in that moment I just did not care at all. He still doesn’t know it isn’t true and I’ll probably never see him again."
"F'k you Vitas buy your own food."
– SpicyDolphin74
Vengeance is sweet.
Payback Time
"A drunk driver hit my parked car, left a huge dent in the front driver’s side door, and then drove away. I happened to be looking out the window at the time and saw the whole thing, including his plate number. Cops got there not long after and took my statement. After a couple days and a couple phone calls, I found out nothing was going to come of it because he was the son of the sheriff the next county over."
"Fast forward a couple months, I see his car parked behind a local bar within walking distance of my apartment. I got out my hunting knife and sliced all four of his tires, and made a couple trips around it destroying the paint job. Yellow Pontiac Sunfire, and I still remember the goddamn plate number even after almost 20 years."
– IgnoreMe304
For The People
"I was a GM for a retailer that was going out of business. During the liquidation I let my employees that worked until the end store product they wanted to buy in a closet I claimed I didn't have a key to. Oh the final days I sold them all the items they requested for 95% off. 70" tvs, ipads, gaming laptops whatever they requested."
– Midnights606
Surreptitious Swap
"Years ago I worked for a wealthy dude who was married to someone semi-famous. He would waltz in every morning and talk about the fantastic dinner he had the night before, how he hung out with some other famous person or whatever else."
"He paid me peanuts. I had a hard time making ends meet."
"I was the office assistant and IT guy. So it comes time to get a new computer for one of the designers. I spec something out, and show it to him. It was a ripper of a machine for the time (early 2000s). But it wasn’t expensive enough for bossman."
"So I added a really high end graphics card. Boss was happy then. The card added nothing for the designer: they only did illustrator and photoshop."
"So I came in that weekend and swapped the graphics card for my aging one from home."
"No one ever knew. Or cared. And I got a new graphics card."
– Dudeinairport
When times are tough, people had to do what it took to survive.
T.P. Crisis
"In college I was so poor I would steal toilet paper from the supply closet in our major building."
– Business_Loquat5658
Hungry College Buddy
"I stood watch for a college friend who was going hungry because he’d been disowned and his roommates had made living with him intolerable after he came out."
"I was loosely affiliated with an off campus program with local churches that gave free student dinners on Thursdays. We would go to church to eat, then bring dishes into the kitchen."
"Anyway, he would go in there and steal stuff like peanut butter, literal bread (not an allegory), granola bars etc. while I watched out for the pastor."
"Eventually we both got caught, the pastor for the college students got a bit mad because he was responsible for us while we were there to eat. And I think it was offensive on some level to steal from church. But then he saw what my friend was taking, and asked him if he had enough to eat. My friend shamefacedly said no, not usually."
“'Okay, fine. Put the food back, and come with me.' Took my friend grocery shopping instead, got him connected with the food pantry and community garden at church instead."
– SchnarchendeSchwein
Based on these examples, people didn't twice about their actions in the heat of the moment.
Within reason, we all gotta somehow get by.
But do you think their actions deserve punishment?
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When a person sees someone they care about going through a struggle or crisis, their instinct is to uplift them with positive advice.
But sometimes, the wisdom imparted by friends isn't always helpful or relevant to the situation.
Curious to hear from strangers online who could do without specific knowledge, Redditor Saibotnl1 asked:
"What life advice can just f'k off?"

These Redditors have a problem with how certain people have on outlook on life.
Time To Rest
"Sleep when you’re dead."
"Cool, but you’re going to be dead a lot sooner."
– Tag2graff
Irrelevant Sadness
"People have it so much worse than you so don’t be sad!"
– notrachelmar
"To that I like to say, 'people have it so much better than you so don't be happy!'"
– ___jupiter____
Your Life Path
"Almost anything relating to what age you must be in order to buy a house, have children, marry, have a profession, or do anything else. Seriously, everyone's life is different from everyone else's. Make your life the way you want it to be. If you so desire. Up to you."
– Frn071
On The Contrary
“Cheaters never prosper”
"Yes, they f'king do."
– waqasnaseem07
People can get out of any situation they find displeasing.
But others feel people should just "stick it out."
Ignoring Bullies
"Just ignore bullys or get someone else to handle it for you. I have never seen this work, only makes it worse. The only effective way I've seen to deal with them is by not making yourself an easy target and make them scared to f'k with you again. If going psycho on their a** is the only thing they'll respond to that's their fault. Also want to add in schools they will punish you for self defense but that punishment is only sitting around a few hours in detention or sitting around at home with a suspension. The punishment is temporary boredom, it's absolutely nothing compared to being bullied and when it's over the important message will still stand that you will not tolerate being a victim."
– User Delted
Remain to be Miserable
"Stick it out"
"Whether that's sh**ty jobs, shi**y relationships, shi**y living situations..."
"By all means don't just give up on things when you face challenges, but if something feels wrong or is wrecking your peace then take some control and change it if you can!"
– petitezoey
"Easy for you to say," might be an auto-response to these suggestions for many people.
Invitation For Recklesslessness
"Live like everyday was your last"
Yall know what people do when they learn they have a single day left to live?"
– LimeGrass619
A Possible Consequence
"I did that as a teenager and ended up homeless and addicted to heroin. Didn’t pan out for me too well."
"19 years sober though today."
– Open-Section-7263
A Practical Approach
"If I knew with certainty that I had one day left, I'd double-check all my financials, my will, and my insurance policies, make sure my wife had all of my passwords and knew where all the money was, spend the rest of the day with her and the kids, then call the medical examiner and ask to lie down on the gurney so that when I die they won't strain their back moving my remains out of my house."
– Asteriad
Nose Stuck In A Book
"Work while they sleep. Study while they party"
"That's not a recipe for success, that's a recipe for a lot of white hairs, burnout syndrome and a stroke before your 40s..."
– Khomuna
Doesn't Apply To Everyone
"Do what you love and money will follow"
"I love walking my dogs and grilling food for my friends but That sh*t doesn't pay the bills as well as my engineering degree!"
– Elons_android
While people's intentions are good, they're better off keeping their two cents in their own pockets.
Not everyone likes to hear platitudes.
Sometimes, people just want to know they're not alone with their problems over listening to unlikely solutions that are nothing more than superficial pick-me-ups.
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