If you or anyone you know has ever gone to law school, you understand that person essentially disappears for a few years. The work load is insanely heavy and difficult, the classes are next to impossible, and socializing becomes a strategic career move. One Reddit user's already clingy boyfriend isn't adjusting well to the change at all and she isn't sure how to help him - or if she even should.
Here's her initial post ... as she warns you, it's a long one:
I'm gonna preface that I am a mix of exhausted, stressed out and generally overwhelmed. It's gonna be lengthy.
I've [22F] have been with my BF [21M] for over two and half years and for the most part the relationship has been rather low turbulence in comparison to my prior relationships. We met in my sophomore year of college and his freshman year when I was only a few months off a break up. I initially wanted nothing to do with him and was not willing to date what so ever. My breakup had been truly awful and I was just really starting to get on my feet. He persisted for about a month before I agreed to go on a break up.
For the majority of our relationship, he's been incredibly doting and supportive. But I would be lying to say if that doting didn't spiral into obsessiveness and clinginess. The majority of our fights have been over the fact that I need space, as I'm a fairly independent person. I didn't want to be together 24/7 and he really struggled with that once the honey moon phase was over. But eventually, he seemed to get better about it and it was tolerable.
As we've dated, I discovered that while he has a generous and kind heart, he can be incredibly immature. He can't manage to show up in a timely fashion for anything, can't keep a part time job and whines the moment he isn't entertained (i'm sure this is part of the current problem) for example. Just lots of little immature and generally exhausting things to deal with. Once again, he's made progress in the past that it reach a tolerable level.
He is also whole heartedly way too reliant on me. Stupid shit like "Should I go grocery shopping right now or go to the gym?" And i'm like, "Why does my opinion matter? This isn't something I should have an opinion in." Because it's really not. What would happen whenever I refused to answer is he just wouldn't do either option and just lay around all day. It's ridiculous, annoying and has been a constant problem in our relationship.
I will lend that the majority of my friends and family love him. He's super easy to get along with, is always willing to jump in and help, and fits in really well with my crowd. The general consensus is that he comes off a bit immature but he's always friendly and kind. My mom in particular is really fond of him, which makes this whole mess a bit frustrating.
Right now, I'm two weeks into Law School and the relationship seems to be self combusting.
I've been wanting to go to Law School for the past two years and I've been incredibly vocal and driven about this. It's non-negiotable to me that i'm going and that this is a priority to me. He has always been incredibly supportive and very, "Whatever you need just let me know." Sounds great, right? I had zero idea that this was going to be such an insane and rocky start.
I spend probably 6-8 hours a day just studying, reading and doing school related things where I am not checking my phone or social media. I just don't have time, brain cells or energy for it. When I go to school, I disable the wifi on my laptop and turn my phone off so that I can try to focus. I absolutely let him know that I was becoming less and less available out of sheer survival. I'm trying to make myself a future, I really am. Well this is absolutely not going well on his end. In a 36 hour period, he texted me "What are you doing" 17 times. 17 bloody times. I was texting him plenty in those 36 hours, but for example I would turn off my phone for class from 8-12. When I would get back, I would have 3-5 messages of "Hey, what are you doing?" half hour chunk of time, "What r u up to?" and so forth. I ended up face timing him and was like this is unreasonable, unhealthy and needs to stop immediately. He seemed to hear it but a few days later, he's back at texting me several times a day to ask what i'm doing.
Don't get me wrong - I get that I'm the one who change here.
I went from being available almost all the time, to basically not available at all. I get it. It sucks, i'm aware. I'm also changing as a person because I have to be more responsible, more mature and more scheduled then ever before. But i'm also being very very forthcoming about the fact that this is what I need to do to survive law school. I'm only a few weeks in and this is really hard and taking some adjusting. Every day I get a better handle on things, but i'm still adjusting to the learning curve of just the giant work load. I physically and mentally can't be more available to him then I am at this moment.
Plus, I just don't want to be.
Every time i've talked to him in the last 10 days we've gotten into a fight. Everything from a full blown fight to passive aggressive squabbles. It's reached the point that the moment he starts being passive aggressive, I just say I have to go and hang up. I'm so brain dead that staring at a wall and doing nothing is actually relieving, I don't have the energy to constantly fight with him and deal with passive aggressive comments. He's like, "Why don't you FaceTime me more often?" Because every time we talk, we fight or you harass me about when is the next time we are going to see each other. On that note, he is not in class this past week and wanted to know if he could come up and stay in my new apartment for my first week of law school. I said heck no. I genuinely am gone all day, i'm exhausted and I need to be making friends with my colleagues and adjusting to my new city and life.
This didn't settle well and he's asked probably every other time we've talked about when he can come visit. I genuinely can't even gather the free brain cells to think about what to have for dinner, let alone when I can squeeze in time for a visitor and the amount of pre-work I would have to do.
I guess what i'm failing to get at, is i'm trying to decide how long I should give him to adjust before I call it. Our relationship has problems naturally. I don't enjoy who I am around any more because the little things of his personality really get under my skin and it just makes me cranky. This is just becoming more and more irritated by law school and he's sorta combusting.
If you read this entire thing, thank you and you are wonderful person.
tl:dr I went off to law school and became rather unavailable every day. Boyfriend, who was already clingy, is self combusting and picking fights.
Reddit was ready with some hard truth. (Some comments have been edited for clarity.)
Reflection On YouGiphy
I am currently a 3L and I just have one more thing to add. If you choose to continue dating your boyfriend, be cognizant that, should you work at a firm your 2L summer, he will likely be invited to events with you. If he behaves immaturely, shows up late, etc., these things will all reflect on you.
Just food for thought. I had this specific realization this past summer - I deeply appreciated my current boyfriend for being someone I could be proud of, and realized my exes would not have fit that bill.
This Is About You And You Alone
Law school is not easy-congrats on making it there! His lack of adjustment is not your problem to fix. Prioritize yourself and protect the time you need to do well in your classes.
I dealt with a similar dynamic with my husband when I started medical school. Ultimately, I just shared my calendar with him, including all my classes, skills labs, research team meetings, and independent study sessions. Once he realized how busy I actually was, things changed drastically and he began taking care of himself and helping me out more. However, if you have any shred of doubt that your partner will do the same, it's time to move on. Graduate school is no time for manchildren- this is about you and you alone achieving your dreams.
Relationships Generally Don't Survive Law School
Just call it now. I went to law school. Literally every single couple (that wasn't already married) broke up the first year except 1 and they had been together 7 years already. Even a few married people got divorced. Relationships do not generally survive the first year of law school, and all signs point to this one being on its way out the door anyways. Sucks, but it's going to suck more later.
Rip Off That Band-AidGiphy
As someone who went to law school and let it drag on too long with my college boyfriend before ending things, rip off that band-aid now. First year is by far the hardest year of your law education and you're doing the right thing by dedicating yourself to your studies. Your grades are so important that year and will follow you when you start applying for clerkships and jobs. You're not in the wrong here, but neither is your boyfriend. I'm sure this change is super hard on him, and the break up will be hard too.
Just keep in mind, you can't provide him with what he needs now. You can't be a great partner. Right now. The spouses and partners of my friends in law school actually had a weekly "support group" because they were so ignored the first year (by support group, it was a weekly session of drinking wine and hanging out. I'm sure lots of venting went on too.) It's ok to end things and focus on your work. This doesn't make you a bad person. You sound like my college boyfriend and me, which is you've outgrown each other. There's nothing wrong with that.
Update: Pulled The Plug
I decided to take a week to let things settle in even further. I made it explicitly clear that his behavior wasn't ok and we needed a change if this relationship was going to survive. Verbally he was on board, but after 24 hours it really fell apart.
Tonight, I pulled the plug. It was hard, and awful because I do love him and I will always love him but we are no longer in love. He asked me what I wanted, and I said I wanted him to be ok with less communication and be confident in our relationship, so that I could be at school guilt free. I asked him what he wanted, and he said he wanted more of my time, communication and energy.
His wants had nothing to do with what was best for me, or would make me happiest.
That was really hard to hear and we both cried for a while when I pointed that out. He understood, he saw it coming and he didn't beg or fight it. We just cried.
So anyway, I wanted to say thank you to EVERYONE who reached out to me. Seriously, it made me feel like I was actually in control of the situation and not crazy for walking away. Thank you for being a community that validates others feelings and is honest and truthful.
Now, I'm gonna go shower and watch stupid shows on netflix.
TL:DR Broke up with my boyfriend when he couldn't adjust to the lack of free time I now had in law school.
Easier When You're Angry
It's hard because it's easier to break up with anger against the other person for being so unreasonable/immature/bad etc. Its harder when it's just a compatibility issue. But when you think about it...you started dating the person for a reason. While obviously lots of people get bamboozled by manipulative people, just as many people date and there's nothing more to it than it just doesn't work out. Not every break up needs to be because there is something wrong with one of the given parties.
Takes a lot of maturity to make that kind of honest change.
An Inspiration Not A HypocriteGiphy
I didn't read the first post, so I initially commented calling the original poster a hypocrite. So many people pointed out things that I missed that proved how wrong I was. I'm going to highlight a few things from her previous post that further clarifies the situation:
He can't manage to show up in a timely fashion for anything, can't keep a part time job and whines the moment he isn't entertained
He is also whole heartedly way too reliant on me. Stupid shit like "Should I go grocery shopping right now or go to the gym?" And i'm like, "Why does my opinion matter? This isn't something I should have an opinion in." Because it's really not. What would happen whenever I refused to answer is he just wouldn't do either option and just lay around all day.
In a 36 hour period, he texted me "What are you doing" 17 times. 17 bloody times. I ended up face timing him and was like this is unreasonable, unhealthy and needs to stop immediately. He seemed to hear it but a few days later, he's back at texting me several times a day to ask what i'm doing.
Every time i've talked to him in the last 10 days we've gotten into a fight. Everything from a full blown fight to passive aggressive squabbles. It's reached the point that the moment he starts being passive aggressive, I just say I have to go and hang up. I'm so brain dead that staring at a wall and doing nothing is actually relieving, I don't have the energy to constantly fight with him and deal with passive aggressive comments. He's like, "Why don't you FaceTime me more often?" Because every time we talk, we fight or you harass me about when is the next time we are going to see each other.
wanted to know if he could come up and stay in my new apartment for my first week of law school. I said heck no. I genuinely am gone all day, i'm exhausted and I need to be making friends with my colleagues and adjusting to my new city and life. ... This didn't settle well and he's asked probably every other time we've talked about when he can come visit. I genuinely can't even gather the free brain cells to think about what to have for dinner, let alone when I can squeeze in time for a visitor and the amount of pre-work I would have to do.
With all of that in mind, OP absolutely did the right thing, and it couldn't have been any more timely.
The way I see it, he wasn't getting something he wanted from her, so he was resorting to passive-aggressive behavior in an attempt to shame her into sacrificing all of her independence, her ambition, and her attempts to make a life for herself in order to lavish him with as much attention as he wanted. No matter how you look at it, this is emotional manipulation, plain and simple. Either he is hopelessly naive or consciously malicious, because no one in their right mind would think that forcing the one you love to return from 8 long hours of non-stop studying to over a dozen texts asking where they've been is in any way benign, especially after it's been warned against in the past.
Even if you take the former optimistic answer that he's just an idiot, it is still completely and utterly unacceptable, and he has a lot of learning to do before he's ready for another relationship. But if you take the more cyncical latter answer, she didn't just escape an overly-attached boyfriend; she deftly evaded a malicious attempt to drag her into an endless cycle of abuse.
Either way, OP saw it for exactly what it was and she would not have any of it. She asserted her agency, and it shouldn't just be accepted, but celebrated.
Like, goddamn. If only more women (and men!) had her willpower and foresight. If more abusers were more conscious (or caring) of the pain they were inflicting upon the ones they supposedly loved. And if only we, us so-called "relationship experts", would do more to empower the victims of abuse, instead of criticizing them for not being "more understanding" or "more patient" for the benefit of their abusers.
Thank you to everyone who was willing to confront me with what I was doing. And to OP, I'm so sorry. You are not a hypocrite. You're an inspiration.
More Than Most Can Give
You did the right thing. Your ex texted you "what are you doing" 17 times in 36 hours and couldn't go grocery shopping without asking you first. He wasn't just asking for more communication on a reasonable level. He was asking for more than most people who aren't going to law school can give.
Never Going To Get Any Better
Coming from a lawyer, you did the right thing. The legal profession will demand just as much of your time as law school. So, this issue was never going to get any better. Best of luck!
Learning How To "Do" Law SchoolGiphy
I'm a lawyer and lots of relationships don't survive law school. It is intense and demanding and it takes serious commitment and understanding from the non-law school partner to survive it. I always felt bad for my friends' spouses who would come out to dinner or drinks with a bunch of law students and we would talk about nothing but law school. It had to have been annoying and exhausting for them.
Take this time to be single and focus on school. Learning how to "do" law school is the hardest part of the first year - years 2 and 3 were much easier for me. Good luck!
Society places a lot of expectations on us based on our perceived gender, and those expectations can be a major burden. Guys who like pink or want to be nurturing fathers, women who like sports, gaming, or working out, all are often ridiculed or deemed suspicious by society. Nonbinary folks are often not acknowledged at all, and are expected to rigidly adhere to the role predetermined by their sex assigned at birth.
Reddit user Zealousideal-Way3105 asked:
Kids Are Great
Showing enthusiasm towards random children.
Why do I have to pretend like they don't exist?
I had a daycare when my kids were growing up so they were used to giving littles attention. Later my son worked in a grocery store and realized that parents get offended if a man shows a reaction to their cute little kid. Even if that kid is waving at him, he waves back and mama bear gets angry. So dumb. He's not gonna jump in the cart with your kid. Geez
Ironically, being a woman that doesn't really enjoy being around kids and doesn't want them myself, I wish it was normalized for me to not show enthusiasm towards kids.
Anyone Can Struggle With Mental Illness
Mental illness, but that should be for everyone. Being a 6'5 250 pound dude with anxiety? Yeah I don't get taken serious in the slightest bit.
Unfortunately I think women aren't taken seriously either. It's just society deems women to be "weaker" and this falls in line with societal expectations/perceptions as "fragile" beings. There is hardly true support or understanding.
I feel you. I'm a 6'6" 280 lb man who's dealt with depression and anxiety since my early teens. Despite having what should have been very obvious symptoms that were readily visible to my parents, teachers, and school counselor, I didn't get any help as a kid. And having that attitude projected towards me made it take me a long time to realize that it was okay for me to get myself help as an adult.
Tradespeople Can Be Any Gender
I really wish women were more common in the trades.
Additionally, it shouldn’t be shocking when a woman knows how to use power tools or understands how a house is put together. It’s a valuable life skill.
Agreed. My mom is the handy one of the house and she’s teaching me. I think it’s vital for all genders to learn all aspects of running a home (cooking, using tools, cleaning properly) because it’s all equally important and it’s stupid that you’re supposed to be exempt from half of it if you’re a certain gender smh
It Doesn't Matter What Time Of The Month It Is
Having a bad day because you're having a bad day, not because you have PMS
Or when you aren't feeling good people's first question is if you're pregnant
"I said I have a sinus infection, Cathy, not a baby infection."
Nobody Has To Wear Makeup
Not wearing makeup or having to look pretty all the time.
I would settle with just not being asked if I'm sick if I go without.
On the flip side I wish I could conceal my adult acne without being judged for makeup… lol
Pink Is For Everyone
Not for me but my son. He loves pink. He's always been drawn to it. He picked out a pair of pink glasses at the eye doctor and I immediately said yes because he loved them. I'm so afraid he is going to get bullied but he is so proud of his new glasses. He wanted his hair pink this summer and I let him do it. Why can't little boys like pink too? He also loves monster trucks and dinosaurs. We live in the American south in a small town so you can probably imagine what the people in this town are like.
Being a stay at home dad. Mom does it and she's a hero. Dad does it and he's a failure. It's not cool.
Have a friend that is a SAHD. It has been a struggle for him over the years. Between the lack of support structures online (ie: good online communities for talking about different things or venting stress/concerns) and just how family and in-laws act about it.
He at least hasn't had to deal with societal issues at large for a number of reasons. One of the things that triggered the f**k out of him though was when he went in with his kid for regular checkups, the doctors/nurses would ask his wife questions about the kid even though the staff knows he is the main care taker. At one point his wife had to snap at the staff and tell them they need to ask him those questions because he knows more.
For as progressive as the West has moved in some ways on these kinds of things, it's still stuck in certain mindsets.
I'm a woman who is into watching certain sports. Some guys don't think that's normal.
So many guys have to quiz me on my fandom. It's crazy. They don't do that to their guy friends.
Oh boy, as a woman who's been playing video games and reading comics for over 20 years...I know all about the quizzing.
Boys Like Flowers Too
Getting flowers. Ain't no one ever get flowers for men. Flowers are great.
Told my partner I think it's bullsh*t that men don't get flowers and the next day she surprised me with a bunch of chrysanthemums. Needless to say I was over the moon.
Kitties For Everybody!
Being cat dad. I mean seriously, what is weird about a guy having a cat?
Years ago my roommate and I were picking up a cat from a farm, and they legit asked ‘what do 2 guys want with a cat anyways’ same thing as everyone else.
Arbitrary gender-based societal expectations hurt everybody. It doesn't hurt anyone for folks to have a mixture of likes and dislikes that are considered mascilune or feminine.
It's not every day that we hear about people actually enjoying their jobs.
Right now, in the U.S. there are record numbers of people quitting their jobs. Restaurant workers, hotel workers, retail store workers and healthcare providers have left in droves.
We're also seeing strikes across the nation calling for better working conditions and higher wages. So much so that they're calling it "striketober."
So it's interesting and almost novel to hear someone say they actually enjoy their job. Everyone right now probably wants to know what those jobs are and why they love them so much.
Redditor LordFlick asked:
"People who actually enjoy their job, what do you do for a living?"
Whatever it may be, we want to get a piece of that enjoyment.
Please, please mister postman.
"Royal mail postman in a small rural UK village."
"I love it and have absolutely no fear of doing it for the rest of my life."
"Walking 8 miles a day means I can eat basically what I want and stay lean, and my fitness level is always high. Also no managers breathing down my neck, and I make friends with lots of nice elderly people."
"This sounds so wholesome! I'm so jealous."
"I am impressed at how well you sell the job."
"I'm a residential window washer, and I think we love our jobs for the same reasons."
Cemetery grounds keeper.
"I take care of a cemetery. Every day is different and it's pretty much a nature preserve (we treat it like that anyways). You end up sorta taking ownership of it so you sort of 'want' it to look good. It's nice choosing what you do for the most part, and seeing lasting results."
"Also the residents rarely complain, great low maintenance tenants."
"Eh they only come out once a year."
"It's quite lovely when you go to visit a loved ones' grave and the gardens and surroundings are beautiful and well kept. To me, it's a real show of respect for the people resting there. Thank you."
"Did this for 7 years before moving over to another department with the city that was in need of management. I loved working at the cemetery. And you're right, it was my cemetery, I was responsible for everything there, and I wanted it to look the best it could. The best part was the compliments from the towns people for taking care of it properly."
Getting paid to think.
"Physician scientist. Sometimes I see patients. Most of the time I do science. I get paid to think about stuff. It's great."
"Oil exploration geophysicist. Most of the time I get paid to use science and my imagination to map the geometry of rock formations beneath the Earth's surface. I get paid to have an imagination. Companies trust me enough to drill million dollar wells to test my ideas. It's great."
Truck driver turned gardener.
"Gardener. I was a truck driver for a decade. 15 hour days, sleeping on the side of the road, the whole week away from home and all for sh*tty pay.
Decided I needed a change so I started a gardening business. I earn 2-3x more money than I did driving trucks, I get to work in nature all day every day, I get to pick what work I do. Don't get good vibes from a customer....turn the job down. Don't like a garden.....turn it down. I don't have to take sh*t from anyone. I get to do work I enjoy."
"I pick my own schedule. Get to wake up with the kids everyday, come home for lunch and get to read a bedtime story to the kids every night. When I was trucking I'd go all week without seeing the kids. Gone from working 15 hour days to 7-8 hour days and lost 100lbs in the process."
"Same here! (except instead of truck driving, I was working sh*tty office jobs) but man, you summed it up perfectly! becoming a self-employed gardener is the best decision I've ever made. At first I was nervous to make the complete career change and start a new business, but I'm so happy I did and I've never looked back."
"Its great isn't it. You get stuck in a career path and think this is what I'll have to do forever. Glad I decided to force a change."
Gelato taste tester.
"I'm a manager at a gelato/coffee shop! Though customers can be a lot and rushes can be stressful, I work with a great crew and get to sample the new flavors my boss tests and makes each week. He will bust out from the back with a spoon full of a new flavor of gelato and say, 'Try this.' So I guess I'm also a taste tester!"
"The best job I had before getting into my career was a server at a little mom & pop gelato shop in my city's Little Italy. I still reminisce sometimes about that summer!"
A positive perspective on education.
"High school teacher. 10 years. Despite many criticisms for the profession, I love my job. I get paid decent. I have great interactions with students every day. On my feet learning, feeling, engaged, and get goosebumps when a kid makes a cool connection (us history/American government teacher)."
"Doing my student teaching next year. Happy to hear a positive perspective for a change. Thanks!"
"Accountant. I know it's the epitome of a boring office job, but it works for my aptitudes and interests. Lucrative, stable, predictable, engaging but I don't take it home with me."
"Do you work like 60 hours a week? I am in a big4 and know personally that accountants can make big bucks. But they don't have the time to enjoy their earned money."
"I work at a big4 and within the year I work on average 40h/week - slightly more during q1, less during q3. Work/life balance is great, salary is above my country's average and I really like my job."
Maybe you'd be happier with more stability. Maybe you'd be happy with more freedom.
Everyone has different reasons for loving or hating their jobs, but it might take a few tries before you find the right fit. Don't be afraid to make the change. It may be scary, but your happiness is worth it.
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Nobody is better than anybody else. Why is that such a difficult concept for so many people? One person doesn't get a pass for certain things that another person would be scolded for "just because."
Even in family dynamics, double standards are at play. Why should sons get a later curfew than daughters? Why can't a man vacuum? HOW are we still having these conversations?
It's time to break down the constructed hierarchies that have been imposed upon society. Let's get it all out there, so that we're all aware, so we can do better.
Redditor u/WistfulNightSky wanted to discuss the most unfair issues we all face on the daily, by asking:
What double standard are you tired of?
One of the worst places where double standards are constant is in the hospitality industry.
Take my time...email GIFGiphy
"My principal taking days to read and reply to my emails, if ever, VS me being told at 8 in the morning that I should have known something because he sent me an email at 10 in the evening the night before."
"Politicians who come up with dumb to asinine laws, and vigorously enforce them upon all of the regular citizens, but somehow find ways to exempt themselves from being subject to the same obligations to keep and follow them, as we are."
"Easy. Big corporations and the rich, using legal bribing through lobbying to "bend" the rules in their favor more and more as time passes."
"Defending yourself. The fact that someone can punished for defending themselves when no one else would, in my experience worse, is bullsh*t to me. Example a former bullied kid that punched back and got screwed."
"In my case, I got beaten up, didn't retaliate at all. Bully had rich parents who supported the school. So I was the one who got in trouble as I allegedly swore and instigated it, meaning him beating the crap out of me was apparently self-defense."
"Speed limit laws bother me the most on this. You're telling me, on a road on which there are no cyclists or pedestrians, that I have to drive 25mph, but the mayor can drive 40mph to a press conference that he's late to and abuse the privilege of a police escort. See: NYC Vision Zero.
"They also use this law to increase red light cameras. For further context: in NYC a yellow light means "slam your brakes now"/"stop now" more than it does "slow down"/prepare to stop as it does in other parts of the country. Meanwhile a counter study (I will try to find he source later) showed that increasing the length of a yellow light by something absurd like one or two seconds would decrease the amount of red light violations significantly more effectively because people would have adequate time to stop while still allowing for a flow of traffic."
"Obviously, it's all a money grab. Meanwhile the mayor regularly is caught on camera flaunting this traffic regulation when he finds it inconvenient. It's infuriating. NYC has enough congestion as it is, so knee-capping people when they can finally move is just insulting."
Finding the BestJob GIFGiphy
"Entry level jobs" that require experience."
"They think it weeds out the ones with no experience, but it just gives them candidates who are prepared to exaggerate or lie."
How does one acquire experience without being given a chance to earn it? Quite the conundrum.
Check the ClockSeth Meyers Time GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Your boss getting angry if you're a couple minutes late but then expects you to have no problem regularly staying on 2+ hours after your shift is meant to end."
"To borrow from Matt Haig: people being ok with mental illness until someone shows symptoms of one."
"100%. People like to talk about being cool with it, act all understanding, and then get super hostile if someone with untreated mental illness shows up. They don't mind it when they can't see it, but can't handle it when they actually see it in action."
All out Assault
"Customers being able to verbally and sometimes physically assault workers while the worker just has to stand there and take it or they'll be fired."
Nurse here. Almost every single one of my colleagues has been physically assaulted at some point in their career. We are often discouraged by upper management not to press charges or contact the police. We're also often asked what we could have done differently."
In my Mouth
"Why is dental insurance different from "health insurance" aren't teeth part of my overall health wth!!"
"The dentist lobby game is strong. They've pushed for decades to not be considered part of the health industry and they've banked because of it. Sure I understand it's a specialty, but my teeth are attached to my skull."
The Bad Dipper
"My boss dipping out on a Thursday afternoon to go get messed up at the golf course, but i ask for one Friday off every few months and he's like AAHHH CMON MAN I NEED YOU TO BE A TEAM PLAYER!!"
Nows we know better. I hope. Be a better boss and a better person. So we can be a better society.
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I'm going to say something sad but true. Love is not destined for everybody. Read that back a few times. Take a deep breath and embrace it. There are other things in life besides falling in love and staying in love forever.
For starters, acknowledge other kinds of love in family, friends, or self. There isn't one definitive answer that puts you in the single category.
We have to stop seeing being single as a death sentence or a punishment. A lot of people embrace the freedom and solitude. We should be seeking advice from them more often.
Let's talk about the current state of being single in this dysfunctional world of relationships.
Redditor u/One_Sherbert_2797 wanted to hear from the lovelorn and relationship searching, or happily alone, by asking:
Why are you single?
I am single. I am out of shape, so I'm uncomfortable and I trust no one in this Covid world. There are other reasons but those are the big two.
I'm LostYeah I Guess Season 2 GIF by ScreamQueensGiphy
"Because I'm clueless when it comes to dating or even asking someone out."
I just can't...
"Yeah, I like the idea of being in a relationship, but the thought of how much effort and potential pain I'd have to go through to find someone and maintain a relationship just makes me not want to even try. I don't want to be alone forever but being alone is so much safer and easier, you know?"
"I don't understand people very well so I don't try to find anyone. It often feels like everyone else had a few extra days in school to learn a new language and I just missed it all. I'm not sure if one day I'll figure it out but at this point it doesn't seem likely I'll spontaneously develop and understanding of human emotion and communication."
"Because I am totally in love with someone who will probably never feel the same way about me. I have actually told him already and he says he has feelings for me too, but he is not ready for a relationship and I don't think he ever will be. We have a history even though we were never together and I just think that we would have ended up together by now if it was in the cards."
"Damn same. Moving on is a pain. If you've already told them and gotten rejected, then I wish you the best with the process. If you've not, take the leap friend. If you don't it'll be a constant what-if for you for as long as you know them."
The ZoneLonely Lamorne Morris GIF by New GirlGiphy
"I'm in the zone where the women I'm attracted to aren't attracted to me and I'm not attracted to the women who are attracted to me. T'is a painful existence."
Get in a different zone. That is lesson one. Try it all from a different angle, it'll bring a fresh perspective.
Just CuzSeason 5 Happy Dance GIF by FriendsGiphy
"Because why not. Person reading this, why do we place a lot more value on romantic relationships than with platonic friendships?"
The Bonds that Break
"Just never happened tbh. (24, never have had a girlfriend) I don't have problems forming a connection and a bond with women, but I do think I may spend too much time just enjoying the feeling of a genuine friendship that I kinda forget to make a move and they end up either finding someone else or assuming I'm not interested. That and everyone just wants to blast through everything so quickly nowadays, like at times it feels like if you aren't DTF or have made a proper "move" by the end of the week then it's over, even when you have just met the person. It's obnoxious."
"I was intoxicated by love, chose the wrong person, ignored the warning signs and checked all the relationship boxes - marriage, child, house. Unfortunately, marriage didn't mean as much to the person I chose as it does to me. A family was all I ever wanted. My only goal, man."
we all do this...
"...you can't swing the sword without letting your shield down. When you make to grab your chance you always open yourself up to failure. It's okay. everyone gets rejected... and in the end no one cares... we all do this... ask her out or the regret will kill you. Do it enough times and you got a gf."
I need a Map
"I have no idea how dating works."
"I believe there's different ways of going about it. One is the slow way which is start off purely as friends and see if something more develops. The other is to directly ask the person out. In both cases the goal is to talk and do meaningful things together."
"Go to dinner, hang out and watch a movie, play sports or video games together. The goal is to find common ground or areas of interest and see if being together is better than not being together. Get to know the other person and along the way get to know yourself."
"If you like what you see, keep doing things together. My wife would try new things with me or for me and that is one of the things I love about her; I dated a girl before her that wouldn't and I chose to end that relationship in large part because of that. Even if you don't want to pursue the person romantically, hopefully you've ended up with a good friend."
Alone not LonelySaturday Night Live Nbc GIF by HULUGiphy
"I like being single."
"Same. Love. It."
Why is it all so complicated? Or do we just make it that way? Maybe cheers to being single.
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