Who hasn't had people over for too long or people that proved themselves to be nightmares? We all wish we had creative ways to get these people out of our houses but usually we fall short because in the moment it's hard to come up with that.
But now we have a Reddit list, courtesy of u/Kingnoamxz, for that very reason:
Here were the best ways.
In my third year flat, my flat mate had this constant need for attention. He'd stand in my doorway or sit on my bed for hours chatting, I didn't mind at first, but it turned into every night of the week without fail and got really, really tedious.
I used to say all sorts like I'm going to chill and watch a film, he'd invite himself to watch it. Got to do my Diss work, he's bring in his laptop to do this.
In the end the only way to get rid of him was to play warcraft while we chatted he'd have half my attention and eventually give up.
Thanks, Square EnixGiphy
Start talking about a topic that bores them.
Had that one friend living in the same building and visiting me too often and too long. But she kind of detested video games so whenever I started with "When I was playing Final Fantasy the other day..." she always blocked "Oh, look at the time! I have to go! Bye!" and went home for the day.
My grandpa used to get up, put on his pyjamas and act surprised that people were still in his living room. Worked like a charm.
My girlfriend and I always act like we're getting pissed at each other and about to fight. No one wants to be around that.
Irritable Visitors SyndromeGiphy
Stomach problems. Tell a guest that
"as much as I'd love for you to stay, I'm about to have serious gastrointestinal distress and I'd like you not to have to experience it with me!"
That has always worked for me.
English here. I have 2 sets of tea mugs in my house, small and large. If someone turns up and I don't want them to be there long, I give them the small mugs and hope they leave when they've finished.
It's Down To A ScienceGiphy
If you're British, you wait for any lull in conversation, put your hands on your knees as you stand up and say, "Well then..."
Panic Isn't HelpfulGiphy
Say, "Well, it was great catching up with you." Stand up, head towards the door. Yawn loudly.
Although one time this didn't work and I lost it. We had friends come to pick up an item they'd bought. They wouldn't stop chatting. Oh, the questions about everything. I had an appointment 2hrs drive away and I didn't want to be late. SO and I finally got them out of the house but they just stood there now talking about different stuff. I'd said I had to leave. Now. That I might be late. I felt panic. "It was great seeing you." I walked to the car and started getting in. SO was trapped on the doorstep talking to them. I lost it, screaming, "Hurry up (SO's name), we're going to be f-cking late. Get in the car, now." I look up to three shocked faces. SO says, "I'm coming. We're just saying good bye."
You Don't Have To Go Home But You Can't Stay HereGiphy
Play 'Closing Time' over and over again until they get the hint.
My sister comes back from university for the weekend and one her friends gave her a lift home, let's call him Adam. Bare in mind she arrived home at around 4pm. I get home from school around 5 and Adam is still there after inviting himself in as he wanted a quick rest from the 2 hour drive from Birmingham to London.
Anyway, skip forward a couple of hours. It's 7pm, he's still there and keeps saying he needs to leave soon as he is having Friday night dinner at his aunties, whilst my mum is cooking for our Friday night dinner. Finally my dad walks in at 7.30 and is greeted by Adam who he has never met before with his hood up and feet sprawled over the sofa. My bald dad asks why he has his hood up to which he responds wittingly with "I didn't want to make you jealous of my hair." Dad's not happy, but laughs it off.
Eventually, Adam asks if he can stay for dinner, my mother being the typical Jewish mother that she is even though she has only cooked for the four of us can't say no. Now, we don't have a traditional Friday night dinner it usually last around 45 mins- 1 hour so think he will leave after. Oh, wrong we were, he's still here at 11pm and not looking likely to leave any time soon.
Eventually, Adam leaves to use the toilet. At which point my dad comes up with an ingenious solution, someone will phone the mobile and he'll pick up and pretend to be his brother claiming some emergency and we all have to go to his house. So, Adam comes out of the toilet, I ring my dad's phone, he has a fake conversation with no one and hangs up. He tells Adam we have to go over to my uncles whilst my dad puts on his coat. Adam accepts this and start to get ready to leave.
10 minutes later, Adam is still there 'getting ready'. This time my dad say we have to leave now and ushered everyone outside, locks the front door and we head to the car. Adam, gets into his car and just sits there. We wait a couple of minutes expecting him to drive off, but he never does, he just sits there looking at his phone. This is getting ridiculous now, my dad turns on the ignition and drives off. We go around the block and drive back up the road, and he is still there. So my dad parks up in the road next to house and wait 10 minutes to go back when he has finally gone.
We had to run away from our own house to get rid of an unwanted guest, because we are too polite to tell him to f-ck off.
Apple A Day Keeps Squatters At BayGiphy
In most Arab countries when you get visitors for the evening so not dinner, you start with a refreshment--> then tea with sweets --> finally fruit. So when fruits have been eaten, you should f***ing leave. So if you want people to leave, you give less sweets or bring out the fruit quickly.
Drink a lot, pass out, wake up, look around and say "what the f*** are you lot still doing here?". Pass out again. I didn't know I did this but I'm told it worked quite well.
As a guest, I try avoid all of this with an "exit contract."
There we are, having finished dinner and chatted for a few minutes. I take a deep breath, shortly followed by, "ah, well, this has been great. Thank you so much for having me, but I should probably get going and let you folks unwind." That's an offer to leave.
Sometimes my offer is accepted right then, in which case I'm happy to go home and resume my life as a curmudgeon. But nine times out of ten, the host/hostess will make a counter-offer: "Oh, won't you stay for some dessert? I made my (insert relevant dessert) just for this occasion." Their spouse will then say something along the lines of, "You really should stay. Susan's (insert relevant dessert) is out of this world."
If I'm not into the dessert, or if I know that Susan is a bad cook, I'll end the negotiations right there. I'll insist that I don't want to become a burden, and then pivot to excuses about my own responsibilities for the next day. Depending on my mood, I might also make a self-deprecating joke about how dessert won't help my (already terrible) figure.
If the dessert is something I fancy, however, I'll make a counter-offer to stay for that course of the meal, conditioned upon the right to leave shortly afterwards: "Well, okay. You've convinced me. But after that I really should be going." The host/hostess accepts, and boom. Contract made.
It's understood that I'm going to demolish Susan's strawberry cheesecake with the extra-thick graham cracker crust, and then bounce. No coffee. No cordials. No half-awake blathering. Just cheesecake and f*** off.
Rinse and RepeatGiphy
I've once tried telling this person I have to study, that they should leave, stop serving drinks, studied and ignored her, cooked and ate a dinner for myself only, hopped into the shower... and she didn't leave.
I had to actually shove her out of the door. In my towel. Even though she was twice my size.
So yeah, I guess shoving them out is the most effective way.
If you're Minnesotan you say "well it's getting pretty late..." and then your guests will say "oh yeah we better get going.." and then you say "Oh but there's no rush, feel free to stay as long as you want" and then you start talking about something stupid for another four hours and then you say "well it's getting pretty late..." and then the cycle repeats itself, the snake eats its own tail.
Edit: but seriously, what my friends and I do is say "I don't want to be rude but everyone needs to get the f*** out of my apartment"
Have some business cards printed up with the simple phrase, " Please Leave", and have someone quietly hand it to them. It's effective and the reaction is priceless!!!
Mr. Clean ApproachGiphy
I always start doing the deep clean of the kitchen, dishes, taking out garbage etc. I feel like this is usually a big enough cue. And if a few guest do linger then I have some company during my chores and the good ones will offer to help. I'll usually decline and then by the time I'm done they can see how tired I am.
Well, my mom told me this one, never seen it in practice though.
Back in the day, they had friends that always overstayed their welcome. This was how they apparently made it clear that they were overstaying their welcome.
Whenever the time came that they should really leave, they would say the following to their guests:
"Before we go to bed, we always take a glass of milk. Would you also like to have a glass of milk?"
The Mandela effect is when multiple people share the same, incorrect memory.
Its name stems from when paranormal researcher Fiona Broome falsely believed that the future president of South Africa, Nelson Mandela, died in prison in the 1980s.
A false memory she shared with a number of others.
Our memories have been known to deceive us, as we might frequently forget someone's name or one of our numerous online passwords.
But when we share a memory that turns out to be false with many others, convincing ourselves it wasn't the truth can be a very difficult ordeal indeed.
Redditor Mysterious_Boat_1701 was curious to hear people's most unsettling experiences with the Mandela Effect, leading them to ask:
"Which Mandela effect freaks you out the most and why?"
A mysterious gym
"Just had one personally."
"Went to a mall where there was supposedly a gym, asked around and nobody that worked at the mall knew what I was talking about."
"Looked around and couldn't find it."
"Come back a few months later and it’s right there in front of my face, you'd have to be strung out to not notice it."
"idk how or when it just appeared but it freaked me out."- prex320278
A "fruit"ful logo.
"That the fruit of the loom logo never had a cornucopia."
"What’s crazy about that one is that someone emailed the creator of the logo about it and he said even he remembers it having one."- mrcock2·
Less well intentioned than they thought.
"I Mandela effected my whole family once."
"Years ago there was a football player on a rival team that always did a dumb celebration after he got a sack and my family and I always hated it."
"One night after he did it my family started trashing the celebration and I said as a joke 'we are all going to feel terrible when we find out he is doing that celebration as a request from a make-a-wish kid'."
"Fast forward to years later and our team is playing that team again."
"The player got a sack and did the celebration."
"I rolled my eyes and said 'I hate that celebration so much' my mom instantly turned and said 'don't say that, he is doing it for a sick kid'."
"'I actually like it."
"So I was like 'what?'"
"'No there is no sick kid', my whole family then proceeded to argue with me'."
"They all vividly remembered reading articles about it, seeing special report segments before games about it, and other information."
"Some of them even thought they knew the disease the kid had and even extra details about why the kid chose that specific celebration."
"They all had these shared memories that they were sure were true."
"I was floored by all this and insisted none of that was true."
"So we looked it up.'
'No kid like that ever existed.'
"They still have trouble wrapping their heads around this one."
"Turned out human memory is not near as reliable as we think"
"It was American Football and the player was Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and his cattle roping sack celebration."
"This was maybe 10 years ago."- AUSpartan37College Football Win GIF by Michigan State FootballGiphy
His eyesight was better than we thought.
"Mr. Monopoly's monocle."- Additional_Day9903
It's not easy being green.
"I have a personal one that to this day a decade later still destroys my mind."
"I had an old(ish) 2001 dodge neon."
"With BLACK SEATS.'
"I drove this car for years and years, like 80,000 miles.'
'All through college."
"I took work breaks in my car, commuted hours every day total, to college and then the opposite direction to work and back."
"I even lived out of this thing on several occasions.'
'The day I go and trade it in, I'm pulling misc things out of the car at the dealer."
'And the seats are GREEN."
"Not even a little."
'Like very unmistakably GREEN."
"In my black Neon, with black interior, that ALWAYS HAD BLACK SEATS."
"My girlfriend then, wife now, goes oh they've always been green."
"EXCEPT THEY F*CKING WEREN'T DON'T LIE TO ME."
"This is still upsetting to this day..... life is a lie and nothing is real."- ZakuLegionWinona Ryder Omg GIFGiphy
An urban legend was born.
"Not a global one, just a family thing."
"Back in 2002 my grandma had her 60th birthday, my father took us home at 10.00pm, ready for bed."
"We, me and brother, were 12 and 14 at this time."
'All went well."
"Over the years, a story was made up that we went missing after visiting the local playground after dinner at said grandma's birthday party."
"Some neighbors help to search us, the whole train of 'missing children in a smal village'-thing."
"Fun fact: we never went missing."
"Dad brought us home, put on 'Toy Story' on tv and left."
"My brother and I heard first about this in 2015.'
"From different people on different occasions."
"'Ah your one of the missing boys'."
"I first thought they were mocking me for a different event.'
"I got lost, but it was 2013, alcohol inflicted, different story."
"But then they ALL tell us the same story about us going missing."
'And the stories are damn close to 'true' in every story my mum is driving around the same neighbors to different locations to search, old wine yard, old mill etc."
"Sometimes I think I got lost on the most brutal way."
"I was lost and changed this plane of existence with another one."
"It sometimes made me think about my whole life."- tjorben123missing kenny mccormick GIF by South Park Giphy
Memories are a fascinating thing.
They can be changed or altered with even the tiniest suggestion.
And making the truth seem less believable than lies.
One last time. One last meal.
How do you chose a last meal?
Let's hope we never have to find out.
People on death row get that option.
Do they deserve it?
Whose to say?
But they have it.
A steak. A pizza... Burger King.
The food world is their oyster.
Oyster. Also an option.
The menu is endless...
Redditor No-Caterpillar4212 wanted to know what our menu choices would be if we faced the end. They asked:
"You're on a death row, you have one hour left, they ask for your final meal - what is it?"
I'd want 2 hours in a Golden Coral with a bar. Covers it all.
Masailor moon cooking GIFGiphy
"Everything my mom has ever made."
"I want a nice filet mignon, medium rare, a baked potato with everything on it, and a nice Cabernet from a good year - I'm thinking 2135."
"'Sorry, we couldn't get the Cabernet from 2135. So instead of what could have been a great wine request from a more plausible period of time, you get this crappy stuff we sourced from Wal-Mart. Enjoy your meal, I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it."'
"Something badly cooked so I will be sick and want to die sooner and have diarrhea so bad it will be a last revenge!"
"Taco bell it is!"
"If Taco Bell makes you poop a lot, it's a sign that you probably need more fiber in your diet."
The Yuck Factor
"A huge bowl of baked beans, a bowl of shredded wheat, a six egg omelette, and a gallon of apple cider. I'm gonna make it awful for everyone."
"Save yourself the hassle of eating all that, just ask for one pack of sugar free Haribo gummy bears. Should make for an interesting time for the folks watching you die."
"You void your bowels when you die too so that should be lovely."
PerfectFried Chicken Scandal GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"Fried chicken with some Fanta."
Fried chicken is on the top of everyone's list!
DetailsInterested GIF by Nick CannonGiphy
"150mg of MDMA. I’m dying happy."
"This should absolutely be allowed. If our leaders insist on the practice of capital punishment then the condemned should be able to ingest any substance they damn please."
"McFlurry. Those machine are always broken. I just bought myself some time."
"Is this like an American thing? I worked at a McDonald's in Denmark once and our machine was never once broken when i was there."
"I saw a video about this once. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think it has something to do with the contract that was signed in America. Only one company is allowed to do maintenance on the machines and they basically lock out if it's cleaned incorrectly. It's a crap system."
"Cabbage!! Add some cabbage. I don’t know if an hour if enough to take effect but there was an old coworker on a cabbage diet. Omg she smelled, like it was coming out of her pores. She knew she smelled and kept apologizing and reminding us of the diet."
The OG Always
"Olive Garden. Unlimited soup and breadsticks."
"I saw a sketch once, can't remember who it 2qs from. But a an inmate ordered the all you can eat buffet and had been eating for like 8 years. He's constantly on the toilet and takes micro-naps between bites."
"Unlimited for 1 hour. Cool."
How GoldenGolden Girls Dorothy GIF by HULUGiphy
"If my grandma is still alive her potato soup and cheesecake. Hopefully I'd be able to cook said meal with her one last time."
Let's hope none of us has to make this decision.
Most people have friends they've been close to for most of their lives.
But at the same time, friends evolve, and everyone finds themselves losing touch with any number of people they at one point considered their friends over time.
Most of the time, this isn't intentional, but just simply happens.
On rare occasions though, people might realize that their friends were not exactly who they thought they were, and didn't like who they revealed themselves to be.
Redditor One-Refrigerator69 was curious to hear stories of people who realized their friends were not exactly the nicest people to be around, leading them to ask:
"When was the moment you realized that your friends are assholes?"
Compared to others...
"When I started hanging out with better people."- Darklink326
All it took was getting my life together
"When I quit drinking ‘cos it was killing me."
"There were people I literally saw every single day who just disappeared as if by magic."
"12 years ago this week, as it happens."
"I’m not anti-drink, far from it."
"Some people, me included, just can’t enjoy it without it becoming a problem."
"Everyone is different."- bigdaftgeordie
A little perspective goes a long way.
"After I realized that other people don't sh*t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."- ViscousPlatemanThe Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphy
Lack of respect for other people's things
"I let my friend borrow my ps2 when I went to boot camp."
"When I came back, he said he sold it and gave me $50 I think?"
"This was in 2006."- madmike-86
Lack of mutual respect
"When he does sh*t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, then I do the same back and he gets offended."- Primary-Maybe-2749·
Constantly being taken advantage of.
"They only bothered with me when it suited them."
"I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."- zombi33mjhappy eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
When they literally revealed themselves to be criminals
"When they robbed me at gunpoint."- Ok_Student8032
When they stopped liking them after a change of situation
"Fourth grade, when my parents economical situation went downhill and suddenly no one invited me to their birthday party."
"Until Seven years later no one had never invited me to their birthday, or to anything at all actually."- Justalittletoserious
Not being able to get a word in...
"When they tell me to shut up when I say anything."- the_golden_cheesela respuesta GIF by Becky GGiphy
Violently playing with emotions
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions, telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc, and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly."
"One night I was crying on the phone cause I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bullsh*t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call, because I didn't get it and I was so upset."
"I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."- Juliemj
It's always sad when our friends disappoint us.
But when our friends proved to be completely different people than we thought they were, it can be devastating.
As the saying goes, one never truly knows who their friends are.
When visiting any foreign country, one should always be familiar with the laws and customs of the land.
After all, what might be generally accepted on your home turf, might be frowned upon, if not illegal, elsewhere.
For that matter, even locals might need a refresher course on what they can and can't do while at home.
A recent Redditor was curious to hear what tourists and locals alike should avoid doing in the USA, leading them to ask:
"In the United States, what should you never do?"
Stay out of the skies!
"Don't fly a drone in Washington, DC."
"The whole D.C. Area is a no fly zone."
"It's a federal offense."
"Just don't do it."- PeytonCarrK
Cops can't be bribed.
"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over."
"I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once.'
"Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."- PeytonCarrK
"Don't pay off the police."
"My dad has friends from several third-world nations where it is common practice to give the police some cash when you are pulled over."
"However, if you try to bribe a police officer here, you'll get into a lot of trouble."- JohnASmiley
Know your rights.
"Everyone, including foreigners, has the right to be silent and have a lawyer when being questioned."
"Don’t say anything."
"Also, even if you speak English fairly well, ask for an interpreter."- WickedLilThing
Enjoy all that nature has to offer... carefully!
"Don't wander off in the national parks."
"It's very real wilderness and you can get lost and die out there."
"This includes going over railings you aren't supposed to, or off trails."
"People have died accidentally falling into a steam geyser that looked like normal water, mauled by animals or left to the elements."- AlphaOhmeganational parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphy
Allow plenty of time!
"Expect consistency at TSA in airports."- WickedLilThing
Some terminology doesn't translate...
"If you’re from England, they’re called cigarettes here."- Yung_Onions
Make sure your license is up to date.
"If you come from a walkable country don’t come here expecting the same."
"There are some areas with good public transportation and bicycle/pedestrian friendly streets but for the most part, especially outside of cities, the areas are designed to accommodate cars more than anything else."
"The reason a lot of Americans drive everywhere is because, depending on where you live, we have no choice."- The_Cars93Dog Driving GIFGiphy
Wait for instructions.
"Get out of your car and approach the cop when being stopped by a cop unless told to."- hildrash
Whether your'e waling down a street in a foreign country, or the street you've lived on for your entire life, it's always wise to be on guard and aware of your surroundings.
Not to mention, obey the law.