Clever People Reveal How'd They'd Trick A Genie Into Granting Them Immortality
[rebelmouse-image 18347144 is_animated_gif=It happens in the movies why oh why can't it happen in real life? Wouldn't we all love a Genie who lives in a magic lamp; whose life goal is to make our every whim a reality? Of course we're a greedy group and the usual 3 wishes are no where near enough to satisfy even the best of us. One of life's greatest fascinations in life is the belief that immortality is possible. To be able to still be standing after the dust of life settles with roaches, Keith Richards and Cher. But what if that wish wasn't a direct option? How do we make it one?
Redditor _Noak_Andreasson wanted to know what tricks people would pull to enhance their lives by asking... A genie grants you immortality under the condition you choose one possible but improbable way you can be killed. What is your immortality loophole? _You'll learn that people are weird.
HIT ALL THE RIGHT KEYS!
Having a piano dropped on me. If I must die, it will at least have a comical effect.
THOUGHTS?
In a mine shaft. That way you would be A flat miner.
That'd B major injury.
BON JOVI'S IDEA WAS BETTER...
[rebelmouse-image 18347145 is_animated_gif=Shot through the heart with a piece of mistletoe by a blind man who was tricked into it. At least I'd know my killer would know Norse mythology.
AIM HIGHER...
[rebelmouse-image 18347146 is_animated_gif=Getting shot by an arrow in the heel. It may not have worked out well for Achilles, but in 2018, who the heck is gonna come at me with a bow and arrow?
CONTROLLING AND SEVERE.
[rebelmouse-image 18347147 is_animated_gif=Suicide of course.
I'm the captain of my soul.
AND THIS IDEA?
It has to be! some other suggestions ITT are impractically hard, after 600 years if you get bored,you don't want to get stuck here forever, waiting for the heat death of the universe.
Suicide and accidents with fault aren't the same thing.
Like a Darwin winner wouldn't be considered to have committed suicide.
LIVE IN PEACE FRIEND, DON'T BE SO MORBID.
[rebelmouse-image 18347018 is_animated_gif=I have to purposely and willfully shoot myself in the head of my own volition with no outside influence or someone trying to force me to.
MAKE IT LEGENDARY!
[rebelmouse-image 18977595 is_animated_gif=That two people that don't know each other that happen to have the same name stab me directly in the heart with a blade made of bone one second after midnight on Friday the 13th while saying my name backwards. Even if it happened I would be super impressed and accept it.
WEIRD AL SHOULD ALWAYS BE INVOLVED.
[rebelmouse-image 18354321 is_animated_gif=Crushed by a 650 lb albino woman named Zacharia on the third thursday of a 31 day month during a leap year while a choir of octogenarians do a cover of Weird Al's greatest hits.
THE AVENGERS CAN'T SAVE YOU...
[rebelmouse-image 18977596 is_animated_gif=Being killed by Ultron is impossible. Ultron is a character from a comic book. Comic book characters can't kill you.
-OR-
Being killed by a black hole is possible, though the probability is incredibly tiny for a few billion years.
THERE'S ALWAYS WWIII....
[rebelmouse-image 18977597 is_animated_gif=Being killed by a veteran of WWII is possible. In a hundred years that will be impossible. It comes down to whether or not the type of death must be possible at all times.
EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING!
[rebelmouse-image 18977598 is_animated_gif=The simple answer to this question, obviously, is to stack so many qualifiers together that the probability goes to zero. But, honestly, that's not fun.
So, I choose that I will be killed by the act of completing everything I've wanted to do in life.
THE RESPONSE?
We got a genius right here.
But then what if you want to die? Then you'd be immortal, as that's something that you want to do but can't because you haven't done everything you want to do yet.
WHY MAKE IT BRUTAL?
[rebelmouse-image 18977599 is_animated_gif=I have to fall from a bridge while on fire. You can't make it too difficult because it would kind of suck living for an eternity.
GO SKY HIGH!
[rebelmouse-image 18977602 is_animated_gif=I can only die at the top of mount Everest. Climb Mount Everest!
A FEW POINTS...
Yeah no, Everest isn't even the deadliest mountain, IIRC the death rate for climbing K2 is like 25%.
Uh... "plane crashes into top of Mt Everest... immortal dies but no other passengers suffered injury."
THAT'S NO FUN...
[rebelmouse-image 18360704 is_animated_gif=I die when all of Reddit goes an entire day without a repost...
... welcome to immortality...
I PREFER CARROTS...
[rebelmouse-image 18977603 is_animated_gif=i have to be struck by exactly 32 peas that have come from 13 different countries that have been frozen for exactly 63 minutes on the 3rd Tuesday of the month.
CREEPY...
[rebelmouse-image 18977604 is_animated_gif=After I take out (murder or date) at least 50% of the population.
REACTIONS?
Calm down Thanos.
"The hardest choices require the strongest of wills"
JJST GO ON AND ON AND ON....
[rebelmouse-image 18977605 is_animated_gif=I would have to be the last living human in order to die. Arguably, I would no longer desire to be immortal if I were the only one left...although maybe that's still too late for sanity.
ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL...
[rebelmouse-image 18347134 is_animated_gif=Can only be killed via heat death of the universe.
OR...
Run over by tour bus for band named "Heat Death of the Universe" 3 days after making wish.
Sounds like someone has read the machine of death.
IT ALL COMES BACK AROUND...
[rebelmouse-image 18977607 is_animated_gif=Hit by a reentering spacecraft.
My friends would all say "it's how he would have wanted to go," and they'd be 100% correct.
DON'T TEMPT THE FATES...
[rebelmouse-image 18977608 is_animated_gif=Someone who finds their own genie has to use their wish on me dying.
WE HAVE A WINNER!!
[rebelmouse-image 18977609 is_animated_gif=I can drown to death, but only in a giant tub of ice cream.
Have you ever heard of a certain job that people call a career and thought... "PEOPLE PAY YOU FOR THAT?!?!"
All hard, honest work is good work.
And then there is just trash work.
And I don't mean garbage collection, that is honest work.
I don't know how some people live with themselves.
Redditor MrTuxedo1 wanted to discuss the careers they don't believe people should chase. They asked:
"What job do you have no respect for?"
Ticket scalpers. How do you the audacity to say that's a job?
Actual burglars have more empathy.
Disrespectful
"There are debt collectors who call relatives of the deceased to pay off their debts when they are not legally obligated to."
Top_Gun_2021
Shady. Shady.
"Australian Real Estate Agents. Laws don't seem to apply to them. Just as dodgy in sales and rentals alike. Never seen anything like it overseas."
snave_
"I'm in the US, it can vary state by state but my state is pretty strict on realtor laws. Some states require attorney review and there are definitely penalties for being reported for shady sh*t. It does require consumer reporting though."
ilostmytaco
Etransfer
"Where I live, tax info was leaked and now scammers are targeting low income individuals/families (people earning under 30,000 per year) with etransfer scams. I got one the other day that was an etransfer warning that 240$ 'a family member sent me' was about to expire."
SnowyInuk
"That’s disgusting. The scammers know what they’re doing, they know the harm they cause people and yet they don’t care."
surelysandwitch
Should be illegal...
"MLM managers. Not the low level idiots that get suckered into it, they suck too for trying to bring new people into that sh*tshow, but the people who create them know exactly what they are doing and are pretty much the only ones who profit off of it. Should be illegal. Pyramid schemes are illegal. None of them ever get the just desserts except occasionally by vigilantes I assume."
Wereno
I hate debt collectors. Yeah, you calling me one hundred times a week is going to miraculously make money appear.
Animals
"Paparazzi."
VictorBlimpmuscle
"I met Jack Gleeson (King Joffrey from Game of Thrones) at a bus stop in Dublin. Really nice guy but he said he quit acting due to people being nasty online and constant hounding from paparrazi. He's happier now but it sucks that he was pushed away from a career he was quite good at."
goobi94
Scumbags
"The pastors at mega churches whom ask their followers for money for private jets. Absolute scum to abuse others faith for your own greed."
ichancho
"Brian Tamaki is a greedy freaking pig, he takes advantage of so many people who are already struggling. Every time he’s in the local news (which btw is often) I get more and more pissed off at him and his wife. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Tamaki "
surelysandwitch
it’s a thing???
“'Dating Expert.' Sadly it’s a thing. It’s basically a self appointed title that requires no training or qualifications. What’s worse, is that I have a female friend who uses one. It’s very much a blind leading the blind situation."
Mean_Manufacturer_61
"Most of the self proclaimed “dating coaches” I know are women in their late 30s or early 40s who have never been married or had a longer relationship."
ipozgaj
EVIL
"Poachers. Especially big game poachers who purposefully hunt nearly extinct animals from species they know they are on the brink."
"I know there are poachers that come from rural villages who are trying to just put food on the table, which has my sympathy but poachers who come from money and hunt down animals minding their business in most shelters or restricted areas just to put a head on their wall as a trophy are absolutely heinous."
GetterdoneObiwan
I See It All
"Psychic Mediums. Specifically those who prey on the grieving."
JamesDeadite
"I've always found it interesting how many magicians go after people like this. I think it's because they know what it takes to trick people for the art. The slight of hand and mentalism. And they abhor people who use these tactics for such sh*tty purposes."
34HoldOn
I want so bad to believe in psychics and mediums. What say we on that topic?
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The nose is constantly being attacked by odors of the world.
Going through one day without having to hold my breath during a certain point, is a miracle.
Of course, I'm a New Yorker, so I maybe exaggerating for people in the countryside.
What's funnier is odors that are pleasant, that shouldn't be.
Have you ever looked and something and thought... "yuck."
But then you smelled it and it was like... "oh lovely,"
Redditor HappQueue wanted to know what aromas are arousing to the senses that may come as a surprise to many. They asked:
"What smells good but shouldn't?"
For some odd reason I love the things burning. Anything, food, pots, pans. You name it. Weird.
Blow
"Matches/candles on a birthday cake. I remember lighting matches as a kid purely to blow them out and inhale that sweet match-y smell."
semispooked
"guilty good"
"I work at a Chemical plant. We make a highly acidic product that is dark blue, viscus, highly corrosive, and smells exactly like Fruit Loops. It is incredibly disturbing."
Turin082
"Organic chemistry has many 'guilty good' smells. Thiophosgene (sulfur derivative of a chemical weapon used extensively in WW1) apparently smells like meat. Phosgene is used to make polycarbonate, thiophosgene is used to make some sulfur-containing molecules which eventually end up in therapeutic drugs."
HammerTh_1701
I can't huff it...
"Paint, specifically house paint. I love the smell. But anytime I hear that anyone is painting a room or their house, I volunteer. I just love sitting on the floor in a room that's been freshly painted, closing my eyes and just inhaling that slightly chemically, slightly creamy aroma."
Neowza
A Hint of French...
"A fish and chips shop burnt down as couple blocks from work a few years ago. The whole neighborhood smelled amazing for days. Just the slight hint of French fries. Nothing overpowering. It was so awesome. Until I found out someone was trapped in the fire and died."
stevey_frac
Drag
"Race fuel. Instantly puts me in a good mood as it reminds me of going to the drag races with my dad when I was young."
garfnodie
Fuel and matches get me too. And they sort of go together. Interesting.
Just like the Movie...
"The water from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Mmm, bromine."
Stalkerslovemy
"This is one of my favorite scents of all time, and Disney is very aware that people enjoy it. Evidently it’s a lot harder to recreate than just adding bromine to water."
cash4panties
"black widow".
"There's a chicken wing restaurant near my house that has a challenge sauce called "black widow." The owner claims it to be around 500,000 scovilles. A few years back some buddies and I decided to try them, the sauce was a dark molasses color and smelled almost like a BBQ sauce, no hint of the danger that lurked at all. We each grabbed one wing and it went terribly. I don't know how something so spicy could smell so innocent."
Final-Chapter
Endless Weekend
"Hotel/rented rooms whenever you go on vacation. There's this particular smell that just says 'you are on vacation,' especially on a beach/swimming trips/out-of-the-town vacays."
Yummy_Llama
"Bath and Body Works has a plug-in scent called Endless Weekend that replicates that scent (to my humble nose)."
Exxcentrica
"oh no..."
"Someone you are attracted to's body odors. Anyone else who is slightly unhygienic smells repulsive."
Mini_gunslinger
"I remember back in high school a girl leaned over, sniffed me, told me that I smelled really good, and asked me what cologne I was wearing. I asked if she was joking, and she's like, no, you smell really good. When I told her I had just gotten done with gym class, she gets a small 'oh no...' look on her face and turns away. I think we both had a revelation that day."
user deleted
That Smell
"The smell inflatable things give off. I have no idea how to describe it, but it’s… nostalgic? to me."
crestfxllen
I do love the smell of plastics and inflatables. Ahh....
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At one point in time, we've misplaced things that we've considered priceless possessions.
It's hard to imagine how to go on without the lost object–whatever it may be–but over time, it becomes a distant memory and we move on.
That is until we magically find ourselves presented with this opportunity proposed by Redditor mikehotel288, who asked:
"You find yourself in a room with everything you’ve ever lost in your life. What do you look for first?"
There are necessities people cannot do without.
No More Dry Lips Ever Again
"Gonna be a lot of chapstick in that room."
– camefromxbox
There are things that bring us comfort and are irreplaceable.
Safety Blanket
"My baby blanket. It became tattered over the years—to the point where I couldn’t reasonably wash it anymore—so I had to throw it away a little while back."
"I have heavily regretted that decision. I was really attached to it (hence it being in tatters), but I really wish that I kept what was left of it instead of throwing it away. Just knowing that I’d still have it would be a huge comfort to me."
– Uearie
Sentimental Heirloom
"The pendant my dad had made for me with my grandmother’s engagement diamond. It was 2 carats. It disappeared from a Las Vegas hotel room 20 years ago. It was hidden deep in a suitcase where it would not have been easy to find. It was just GONE. Cops didn’t do anything. Didn’t even come to take my statement. Cleaning lady said she thought she saw an elderly man enter my room. The guy I was with was not sympathetic in the least. Entire situation was f**ked. I’m still so upset about it."
– MaritimeDisaster
Lone Shark
"My plastic shark toy I lost when I was 10. Ain't no f'king way it just VANISHED."
– Guilty_As_Charged__
Not everything lost is tangible.
Tick Tock
"The time I wasted."
– shinyfennec
It Holds Value
"My private key with 6 BTC in it."
– Significant_Mirror19
"I didn't lose one, but I'll check my room for yours just in case."
– Smodphan
Finding Purpose
"The reason I walked into the room."
– Lloyd_lyle
Lost Opportunity
"That one girl i spoke to on omegle lol"
– h-amishh
If only we get to reunite with those we've lost.
The Loved Family Member
"My grandpa."
– Splatty_boi_420
Grieving Parent
"My daughter. She’ll be in my brother’s arms. So I’ll find both things I care to look for."
– SeeTheFence
Missing Mom
"My mom. She died of cancer in 2017. She never got to meet my daughter. I miss the hell out of her and wish she was still part of my family’s life."
– X-Arkturis-X
The Animals That Come Into Our Lives
"My pets that have passed: especially my horse, Blue. It's been 4 years, but it feels like just yesterday."
– Baciandrio
While many of these scenarios are unlikely, the thread gave people an opportunity to reflect on the things that made a strong impression on their lives.
Sometimes, the memories of the things we've lost–whether they are random objects or sources of love–is all we have.
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What's worse than returning home from a night out or a workday and discovering your home was broken into? Being home when the break-in happens.
Home invasions are a common trope portrayed in horror films like The Strangers and Funny Games, and they're absolutely terrifying because they are based on real-life incidents.
Redditor silentagent47 asked strangers to consider this horrifying hypothetical.
"You have 5 minutes to prepare before a guy breaks into your house with the intention to kill you. You can not exit your house. What is your strategy to survive?"
The hunter becomes the hunted, inspired by TV and movies.
Duplicating A Scene
"There was an episode of Burn Notice where Michael puts aerosol cans in the microwave with kitchen utensils and hits popcorn button. I really want to know if this works or not."
– JohnSterlingSanchez
Epic Burglar Trap
"Speed-watch Home Alone."
– pluribusduim
It's about the choice of weapon.
Jump Scare
"I get the vacuum cleaner ready in a certain room, I turn it on as hes about to enter to create a distraction, then I jump out when he's inspecting the noise and bonk the f'ker on the head with the piece of 2 inch steel tube I keep as a weapon."
– BustedBastard
Beware of Dog
"Unleash the Hounds"
– myassonreddit
Make A Weapon
"Duct tape a bunch of knives to the end of one of those tall lamps to make a spear of blinding and then proceed to go sicko mode."
– DubTheeBustocles
Preparing For A Thwack
"Turn shower on, for some reason I have a shovel behind my wardrobe?? So grab that. Wait for him to check shower, whack with shovel. Boom."
– hypersp00p
It's Just A Game
"Corner camp with a shotgun."
– Arrow3619
A Warm Welcome
"Hairspray and a lighter to his face."
– WorkingClassSheep
The effectiveness of these tactics are questionable, but points for creativity are warranted.
Stand Still
"Put a lamp shade on my head and stand in the corner of the room."
– Cannabis_Sir
Make It Erotic
"I turn on all the lights, take off all my clothes, rub butter all over myself, and start a fake conversation on the phone. As soon as he breaks in I say into the phone: 'I’ve gotta go, my next appointment is finally here…”
– FrankieTheAlchemist
Forget The Stairs
"Go to the LIVING ROOM."
– on-oath-never-again
Removing The Element Of Fun
"Draw an X on my forehead and grab a beer."
– Candycoatedmuffin3
And that's why I would opt for living in a commune or apartment complex.
People who own houses are just asking for forced entry.
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