Having someone ask you about your procreation habits is awkward at best, a nightmare at worst. But, it's a trope in romantic comedies for a reason; it happens ALL THE TIME. If you're a young person who doesn't have children yet, brace yourself. The question will probably come up at some point. We got you, though. One Reddit user asked:

What's the perfect response to "So, when are you two going to have kids?"


Clapback Experts Share Their Best Responses To The Question, "When Are You Gonna Have Kids"

[rebelmouse-image 18347090 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]


Honestly, consider this list our gift to you. Use all the ammo you need from here to swerve your way around that trap of a question. You're welcome. Oh, and obviously we all know how kids get here... Sometimes a little shock value is needed to prove your point.

Food Metaphor

[rebelmouse-image 18347091 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

When he starts making me his Twinkie instead of his Toaster Strudel.

Practice Makes Perfect

[rebelmouse-image 18347093 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My fiancé loves to say "when we're done practicing."

Keep Trying

[rebelmouse-image 18347094 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I'm gay, whenever people ask my husband and I that I usually respond with something like "I dunno, we keep trying and trying but so far he just isn't pregnant! But we'll keep at it."

The Dismount

[rebelmouse-image 18347095 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I always used to say "as soon as I get the dismount right".

Most of my aunts stopped asking after I said that. And then there's the one that kept asking how the dismount was coming.

Mission Impossible

[rebelmouse-image 18347096 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Oh, we only do butt stuff."

Someone, Anyone

[rebelmouse-image 18347097 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

At Christmas about 8 years ago, I was asked "When are you going to give your parents some grandchildren?", to which I responded "Ok, when I get home, I'll just knock someone up."

That was the last time the topic came up.

Railing Pun

[rebelmouse-image 18347098 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"We tried this morning, a couple of times on the stairs. Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't want to hear about me having sex with my wife? You should probably stop asking about it, then."

Stillbirth

[rebelmouse-image 18347100 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My family liked to ask us this even though we had a stillborn daughter a few years ago. I liked to respond with "I don't know, I guess when we feel like we can afford another baby coffin." Yes its F'ed up, I know, but they stopped asking.

Darth Vader

[rebelmouse-image 18347101 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"I find your interest in my sex life... disturbing." It's better if you do it with a Darth Vader voice.

The Courts

[rebelmouse-image 18347102 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"When the court reverses their decision."

Don't say what decision, or what court. Just leave it at that, and change the subject.

Nobody Said Anything About HUMAN Kids

[rebelmouse-image 18347103 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"I have to get a good fence up first. Did you know goats can jump?"

Boredom

[rebelmouse-image 18347104 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"As soon as I get bored of traveling, vacations, sleeping in past 8:00am, having extra money, etc."

The Adoption Option

[rebelmouse-image 18347106 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Actually, we're planning on adopting a highway."

On Sale

[rebelmouse-image 18347107 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"Next time they're on sale at K-Mart. But we might just buy lawn furniture instead."

They Still Ask

[rebelmouse-image 18347108 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

I lost two, maybe three prior to having my daughter. I almost died post childbirth, still have nerve damage and scar tissue to the point that uterine rupture is a real possibility. Some family who know how bad it was still pressure me that I NEED to have another.

I reply that I think my daughter would rather have her mother alive than a sibling. And my husband would rather his wife alive than another child.

They still ask every so often.

Suggest A Position

[rebelmouse-image 18347109 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

Yeah, my husband and I, when the situation was warranted, would say "Well, we keep doing it and doing it- doggy style, missionary, reverse cowgirl, you name it and it's just not happening. Any suggestions for us?"

That would usually shut folks down pretty quickly.

Instructions Unclear

[rebelmouse-image 18347110 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

"We're trying. Every night before bed, I look her in the eye, tell her I love her, and kiss her on the lips...but so far, nothing."

Just For You, Mom

[rebelmouse-image 18347111 is_animated_gif= dam=1 expand=1]

My mom keeps asking me when she's getting grandkids (she's asking me, her single kid, and not her married son for a reason I don't quite know...). Finally I responded "Mom, if you want me to get knocked up so badly, I'll do it, just for you."

She said "...no thank you..." and had never said anything about it again.

H/T: Reddit

Brooke Cagle/Unsplash

Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?

Yeah, us either.

The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.

Keep reading... Show less
Photo by UX Gun on Unsplash

No one wants war.

Keep reading... Show less
Pexels.com

So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.

Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.

Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.

I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.

The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.

Keep reading... Show less
Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.

And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?

We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!

Keep reading... Show less