People Break Down The Circumstances Where They'd Stay In A Sexless Relationship
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Sex is an important part of life.

That is just a fact.

But sex is also about connection and intimacy.

So it's not a surprise when many relationships take a hit after the sex dries up.

It's not something to ignore.

It's the biggest problem in the world, but partners should discuss it.

Redditor ItsyBitsyJoxy wanted to hear about reasons to stick around with a partner when there is no sexy time. They asked:

"Would you be in a sexless relationship? What circumstance would you find acceptable for this?"

Sex is fun. And when the sex stopped in my relationships... so did the fun. But that is just me.

A Certain Era

Very Funny Oops GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy

"I'm over 80."


"There’s a lot of people that are going to be real shocked once they hit their 70s."



"Our second child has ruined her sex drive. Intimacy is still there but extremely infrequently. I've learned how much that intimacy brings to the relationship, it feels very lonely and although I know it's not her fault, it can still make you feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. It can be pretty lonely too if you go from a romantic relationship to borderline platonic one. You can't help wonder how much is body changes and how much is you."


Let's Hug

"I had rectal cancer and because of the surgery I can no longer get an erection, it's very lonely."


"Not sure if one exists, but a site to just make friends to be cuddle buddies, or whatever, should exist for people like you & me. I lost my sex drive & would like a relationship for that occasionally."

"In my case, it's not wanting to see someone very often, as well as the lack of sex drive, that I think would make it difficult. I also don't like people over to my home as it's too small for a couch & we'd be hanging out on my bed, which is weird to me."



"I'm in one now. My husband had a stroke... no sex is not the big problem for either one of us."


"This comment brings a lot of perspective. My gut reaction to this question was no. Sex was and still is pretty significant in my relationship with my wife. We’re in our 30’s and have been together over a decade. But if something happened to her and it was no longer an option? I would never leave her and love her too damned much to imagine it, no matter how much we love sex."



Scarlett Johansson GIF by NETFLIXGiphy

"I have a near sexless marriage. The love is strong, but the desire is one-sided. That hurts."


Sexless over loveless is definitely easier. So there is that.

Over time...

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"I am happily married to my good lady for decades and decades. There are times when it has been sexless for whatever reason but never has it been loveless.I wouldn’t have lasted 2 days in a loveless relationship."


You play the cards you are dealt

"I’m dating a man who got diagnosed with prostate cancer a year or so into our relationship. Prostate had to come out and it’s a hit or miss whether or not sexual function comes back. In his case, it was a miss. He wanted me to move on because he got very depressed over it."

"He’s so pleasant and a real decent human being so I stayed with him. Who would abandon someone due to a health crisis? Unfortunately he got bladder cancer next so this is another hurdle to go over. You play the cards you are dealt. We are together in this."


Key Factors

"The reasons for the 'sexlessness' and the depth of the relationship are key factors. My wife got breast cancer at 40 and while she lived another 8 years, the chemotherapy nullified her libido and made intercourse impossible. And yet I dearly wish we could have grown old together whether or not this would have changed. But that’s completely different from cohabiting a loveless marriage or even facing such a situation in one’s youth only a few years after marriage. That would be hard."



"A sexless relationship is better than a loveless relationship, as long as I'm loved and we share physical affection like cuddling and kisses and I'm allowed to beat my meat when I need too I wouldn't care. Just a heads up to all the people who take this personally enough to comment how wrong I am."

"There's no such thing as a wrong option, my opinion is in regards to myself and myself alone I'm not answering for anyone else. Different opinions aren't wrong... OP asked a question to be answered from your own point of there's no reason to call anyone else wrong... it's about you, answer for YOU I've answered for me."


Love is there...

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"I'm in one. Not happy about it, but love is still there so that's nice."


"Same. Maybe had it once in the last 12 years. Finally decided to go to couples/sex therapy this year. Not sure it is helping, but at least I finally brought up that I wanted to try something. My wife is my best friend and I love here with every fiber, just wish there was more intimacy there."


it never happens...

"We haven't had sex in five months due to numerous reasons. Never have alone time with my mom and daughter here. We're both too tired. Our bed we have sex on is where my mom is sleeping. Our waterbed is difficult to use. We always say next weekend and it never happens. We're still going strong though. We love each other and that's what matters."


Married for 28 years...

"I was in one. Married for 28 years. Her mental health changed and became a bitter person. There was no intimacy for the last 15 or so years but I stayed with her because I thought it was the right thing to do. Then one day in 2019 I got a knock on my back door. It was a sheriff's deputy serving me a restraining order and eviction papers."

"Get some things together and get out he said. I never laid a finger on her or threatened her ever but she fabricated lies. I told him to talk to her and see who you're dealing with. After about 5 minutes he pulled me aside and told me to file a restraining order on her,I'll call the judge and tell him your on your way. Both orders got thrown out and I was back in the house in 2 days."

"They told her to get counseling. Fast forward 2020 she left but would come around when I was at work , destroy my personal effects and damage the house. Re-filed the restraining order and am now in divorce proceedings. Last I heard she was in a homeless shelter. I'm 58 she's 63. And I don't give a heck."



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"Definitely easy for me at least. I always had a weird relationship with sex. I'm still questioning myself if it is because of some unknown problems, if my sex drive isn't that high or if I'm ace in some way."


“I’m starved”

"She likes sex. I like sex. Both relatively sex positive. When we have sex we both have a blast and get off. But toddler. We’re both all touched out and tired and sometimes frustrated with toddler happenings. So there will be large swaths of time where there has been no sex. And that’s fine."

"There was a time when I was younger where I would’ve said 'I’m starved' but really all I needed was a perspective change. If I were able to talk to my younger self I’d tell him 'it’s fine, you really need to quit devoting so much time and negative mental energy to these thoughts.'"


Be Cool

"I'm asexual, but didn't realize until after I had been in a committed relationship for a few years. Love my partner but couldn't care less about sex. I only do it because they enjoy it and I want them to be happy. But if I could go the rest of my life and not? Yeah, I'd be cool with it."



"I wouldn't enter a sexless relationship, but I'll stay in one, depending on if she still loves me.My marriage is pretty sexless. It isn't because she doesn't love me, so even though I'm sexually unfulfilled on an always basis (I have a high sex drive, which is challenging when feeling unfulfilled), we still love each other and are life partners. Maybe, eventually, things will change with her sex drive. I'm not counting on it, because I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen."



"Yes, as long as there is still physical intimacy (cuddles, touches, kissing, etc...) and as long as my partner is ok with me having some alone time to take care of my sexual needs, then I don't mind. Love and affection are more important than the sex itself."



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"If something happened to my wife where she couldn’t have sex any more, I would definitely stay with her. We’ve been married over 47 years, she is my life."



"Currently in a sexless relationship, that at times is borderline abusive... ever since we got a house together and joint mortgage, any intimacy has gone and her mood swings have gotten worse, everything is my fault. Constantly walking on eggshells... it freaking sucks."


Well I guess some people can make it work. More power to you.

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