I'll take 'A new spine' for a thousand, Alex.
Those of you who only know me as "the chick who lost her eyeball to glitter" probably imagine that if I ever had a chance to have a body part replaced, I'd have two eyes in a heartbeat.
My spine is way more janky than the eye was (due to the same condition. What's up, fellow EDS zebras? But you can't exactly pluck out your left spine and still get by with just your right spine.
Humans are kind of a mono-spine situation; which seems like a bad idea considering how important it is.
If I had a spare lying around and could switch this one out, I could save myself daily pain. And also maybe finally break that 5-foot mark since my spine would be straighter.
Reddit user Enough-Restaurant954 asked:
"If you could choose an extra or new body part, what would you want and why?"
Spare spines. Get into it, folks.
Wear And TearConfused Hanna Barbera GIF by Warner ArchiveGiphy
"A brain. Mine has a lot of wear and tear."
"Same here, but my brain is so worn, I didn't even think of that one!"
"2 brains for double the mental health issues? No thanks."
Kickin It Old School
"Prehensile tail. All sorts of stuff to get up to with that."
"I KNOW RIGHT?!"
"I WANT MY TAIL BACK! My distant ancestors chose the wrong monkeys to make babies with."
"I’ve been telling my wife for years that I would balance on my tail and one leg to tie my shoes."
"She thinks I couldn’t do it."
"New teeth because young me was hella stupid/depressed"
"Everything with teeth can be fixed. So making it to adulthood with bad teeth is just this billboard that you grew up poor or you made poor decisions as an adult."
"I had bad looking teeth, overbite/big gaps, that I got fixed a few years ago in my early 30s."
"I was surprised at how much friendlier people were. They were never rude, I was just avoided I guess. It was kind of a mind f*ck at the difference it made."
All That JunkSeason 2 Chocolate GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"A new digestive system. I wanna be able to eat all that junk again"
"Whatever tolerates lactose, I want one."
"THIS! I cant even eat much chocolate anymore, I can only nibble a little bit or it is a fiery hell in my stomach."
"Wings would be cool, but flying sounds exhausting and wings would have to be stupidly large to lift my weight (no hollow bones, ya know)"
"So I'll take two extra arms instead, please! Imagine how many grocery bags I'll be able to carry!"
"Have to carry it in one trip don't we?"
"I have always thought that if your lazy ancestors had bothered to evolve a second smaller set of arms with more fine motor function so our primary set could have stayed larger and more tuned towards strength and locomotion it would have been overall better."
"I find myself constantly wishing I had more thin and flexible fingers to work on small projects and also wishing I had bigger, stronger arms and hands to do heavy lifting with more efficiently. Why can't we just have both?"
"New spine, please."
"As per my last MRI, I have facet disease on every vertebrae they looked at, most of my discs are bulging, and both my spinal cord and the nerves coming out of the spinal column are becoming compressed in several places."
"It is a challenge."
"Still waiting on disability, even though my hearing was in January. I can't sit upright for more than about an hour without significant pain, and even being awake takes up pretty much all of my mental bandwidth to try to focus through the pain, so I can't really work."
"Thankfully, I have some doctors who take good care of me, as much as Medicaid will allow them to."
Wing WoesFlying Johnny Knoxville GIF by Jackass ForeverGiphy
"I'd choose wings, so I could fly wherever I wanted."
"As I am a human in a world full of humans, I can say with total certainty that you will get shot down in under a minute lol"
"I’ve thought about this a lot. Bear with me."
"We have legs. We have the ability to run everywhere. Very few humans run anywhere, let alone everywhere. It takes a bunch of energy and makes us tired."
"Now imagine wings. If running makes you breathe hard, imagine the effort required to get a human (with solid bones, unlike birds) off the ground."
"We’d just have cars with bigger seats to accommodate our folded wings."
Business And Pleasure
"Mantis shrimp eyes."
"I can use my regular eyes that need glasses for business and my shrimp eyes on stalks that can see a million colours for pleasure."
"Be kind of a curse wouldn't it?"
"You'd see the fluid stains everywhere. You'd be a cursed artist, painting art nobody else can appreciate or probably even see. And what if you ever needed glasses?"
"Special shrimp glasses can't be cheap."
All Things Secondary
"A brain expansion that makes me now capable of telekinesis and telepathy. That might require a larger head tho, so I'd only take it if it comes with such necessary preconditions."
"If altering other things doesn't come with altering the chosen thing, then lots of peoples suggestions wouldn't work. Gills wouldn't have enough room. Wings wouldn't have the support. Your tail would just hang there and do nothing."
"A digital interface would probably be useless without a built in encryption/description capability. You get it."
Epicron swanson allergies GIFGiphy
"I have three kids. Need a third arm more often than not"
"Having an extra arm would be so good. Imagine fighting, grabbing someone with one arm and absolutely destroying them with 2 others?"
"3 arms: Epic"
Tell me I'm wrong. (but do it in the comments so we can all argue together.)
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