Woman Upsets Her Trans Sister-In-Law After Excluding Her From Observing The Birth Of Her Baby
A woman requesting the presence of her two sisters during childbirth led to an awkward misunderstanding involving her transgender sister-in-law.
Redditor "AITAThrowaway8787" excluded her brother's wife from attending the intimate gathering and was consequently accused of transphobia.
After a severe backlash, the original poster (OP) asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) in the popular subReddit forum where people discuss if they are guilty of committing something objectionable.
The expectant mother wrote:
"So basically, I thought this was a pretty cut and dry situation, but apparently not, as I'm getting a lot of judgement (some bordering on abuse) from different people and my phone is blowing up."
"So I want to know if I was out of line."
"So I'm 6 months pregnant, and I've been very open about what kind of way I want to give birth."
"I've discussed this with my group of girlfriends extensively, along with my family. I ideally want to have a natural, unassisted birth at home, which is near a hospital if things start to shape up as problematic."
"Now, for this process, I want support, and of course my husband is going to be there, but also I want my two sisters to be with me."
"This is where things get controversial."
"In my many conversations with friends and family, I mentioned I want my sisters there with me. I do not want my brother there, that would just be weird!"
"But, in these conversations, my trans-sister-in-law was present, and she got the idea she would be included in this childbirth situation."
The OP mentioned she did not know about of her sister-in-law's transition until recently and explained the reason for excluding her.
"Just for reference she transitioned around 3 years ago. I was unaware of this until last week, when she told me if there is anything in particular she should bring for the birth."
"I calmly mentioned that I am very selective over who I want in this very intimate situation, and told her than I hope she isn't offended if she isn't there for the birthing."
"This is when things blew up. She lost her temper and I got a torrent of emotional outbursts."
"She said that she would never be able to give birth herself and excluding her is taking away from her womanhood and depriving her of her only chance of experiencing this expression of femininity."
"When she found out my two sisters were going to be there she told me that I was transphobic and she has as much of a right to be there as they do.
"After this, I received many emails, facebook messages, and text messages from several different people, calling me transphobe and many other hurtful things."
"My trans-sister-in-law is very active in the transactivism community (which I fully support), and apparently she told them what had transpired. This has obviously rallied them to harass me, and now I'm starting to wonder if I messed up."
"I kind of wish I never mentioned anything about the birthing process to her, maybe I should have just kept all these plans to myself so she wouldn't feel excluded."
"I'm aware transpeople have a pretty sh*tty deal in life, and perhaps this added to their feelings of exclusion."
"But the other part of me says, it's my birthing, I'm going to very vulnerable and exposed, and I (perhaps selfishly) owe it to myself to make it as comfortable and safe for me as possible."
The OP opened the floor for discussion on whether or not she was being the a**hole.
Many Redditors expressed that childbirth was not a spectator sport and that the dispute had little to do with transphobia.
"NTA - UM WHAT?!? No one gets to be at the birth unless the mother (you) invites them. People are there to support you, no one has a 'right' to be there."
"The fact that she reacted this way and made it about herself and her experience is proof she shouldn't be there. If you had a female born sister who felt entitled, but for WHATEVER reason you didn't want there I'd tell you the same thing."
"Make sure there is no way she can show up. You don't need that stress to deal with." – AlwaysAnotherSide
"Plus it's her sister .. in law. Sisters arent typical birthing room invitees to begin with. In laws even less so. The fact she assumed instant invite as an in law is very Just No." – rainjays
"Same here. I would have liked to be present during the delivery to hold my sister's hand and encourage her, but she clearly stated she wanted our mother and her husband and no one else."
"I never gave it a second thought as I didn't want to be the cause of stress during such a huge occasion." – LibertyUnderpants
"I think it depends on how close you are. I know many aren't but my my sister and I are in our 30s and best friends."
"We talk to each other every day and see each other almost as much. I would want her with me in any life changing situation, because our lives are so interconnected for so long, I trust her to take care of things with my best interest in mind if something went south." – BlatantNapping
"Yeah, some how she got the idea because OP was doing it at home/happy talk about her plans that it was a big tea party rather than a child birth. She can stay away!" – AlwaysAnotherSide
"Especially after this behaviour... how are you going to feel comfortable now?! People need to understand that the mothers relaxation, trust and comfort is literally life saving for her and the baby."
"And (more likely) will reduce labor times and minimise pain. No one has a 'right' to be there for any reason if it makes the mother uncomfortable." – AlwaysAnotherSide
"So let me get this straight...."
"Your sister-in-law only just told you about her transitioning a week ago, yet she expects you to include her on the most terrifying/joyful event in your life? And when you said no, only expecting to have people you've known for your whole life there, she sent a wave of misinformation out there to get people to harass you?"
"Tell her it has nothing to do with her being trans, but everything to do with her behavior now and not respecting your wishes about an incredibly life-altering event. It's your pregnancy, not her chance to use you as a proxy." – TheAlfies
This user did not appreciate that the sister-in-law made it about her.
"Even if she were there, it's not something you make about yourself, you're support for the mother not making the whole thing about your 'experiencing womanhood'. She needs to get over herself, childbirth is not a spectator sport." – frecklyfreakyfoo
"The way I see it she is using the fact that she is trans to be manipulative. Because she's not getting her way she perceives it as an attack because she's trans and that's not the case."
"She then in turn is getting other people to call OP transphobic, all because she isn't getting what she wants." – littlejupiter5
We got to hear from another perspective.
"Trans woman here. You are not being transphobic here. You alone decide who gets to attend the birth and you are NTA."
"Dysphoria is a b*tch and your SIL should get this sorted out in therapy." – SuddenPresentation0
Redditor "AlwaysAnotherSide" offered a no-holds-barred explanation to avoid further confusion over the sacred and personal nature of childbirth.
"Is this a cultural change? Why are people confused?"
"It's not hard: mother needs to feel ok moaning, pooing, moving around in weird ways, not being able to talk, being afraid, crying, not having control over her body, having her cervix expand to 10cm!!! and vagina stretch, perenium tear."
"Why on earth would you think you are invited just to see baby the very second it rips out of her vag?
"Is it because we don't have some social construct for introduction Bub to the family/community? Or people just don't understand because birth and post partum life are not depicted accurately in popular culture?"
"NTA...even if she WAS a biological woman NO ONE has a 'right' to stare into another person's vagina while they push out a human naked and in pain without thier express permission and enthusiastical consent."
"F'k her for using this MANIPULATION tactic. And her friends for harassing you. As if your vagina is public property for viewing by and and everyone for the sake of political correctness."
"Your sister's are YOUR sister's. They aren't near strangers whose family you married into. Even if she was a bio woman you would STILL be in the absolute right to be uncomfortable with a near stranger seeing you like that over your own family." – Mlynn44144
It is ultimately the OP's choice.
"NTA - Your birth your rules. If you decided to pick one blood sister over the other then that's also your choice."
"Her being trans isn't an issue. They're an in-law and not someone you grew up with."
"Your sister in law seems entitled. I understand sensitivities due to oppression her community receives but this is not one of those cases and they're being entitled."
"There's plenty of born women who never experience giving birth. She should get over it."
"SHE and no one else has any rights over your birth."
"If you wanted to replace your husband with a juggling clown that's YOUR CHOICE." – CookingwithHafsa
"NTA and your f'g husband need to stand up for you! My wife is pregnant and if anyone in my family demanded to be in the room while she was giving birth I would nip that sh*t in the bud instantly."
"OP no one is entitled to your experience and your body. You did nothing wrong and the people contacting you have a pretty sh*t moral compass." – AlluringAllura
Reddit has spoken. Childbirth is about the mother and child most of all.
People Describe The Scariest Thing They've Ever Woken Up To In The Middle Of The Night
There's nothing more unsettling than waking up in the middle of the night.
Particularly if what woke you up was a loud, unsettling creepy sound.
The only thing that could make the experience more nightmarish is opening your eyes and seeing something that makes you jump out of bed.
Most of the time, what ends up scaring the living daylights out of us is nothing more than a pile of laundry we forgot to put away or a cat's shadow, and find ourselves laughing about it weeks or even days later
Others however, haven't been so lucky, waking up to discover they were actually in legitimate danger.
Redditor SpaceHubYT was eager to hear the most terrifying things people woke up to in the middle of the night, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest thing you’ve woken up to in the middle of the night?"
Keeping an extra close eye...hopefully?
"My grandmother just standing there in the dark by my bed, quietly wringing her hands and staring at me."- fryinpaskettimobster
Terrifying no matter when
"My mom saying I needed to get up and go with the cop."- abletable342
An experience no one deserves
"My mom screaming up the stairs 'get out of the house now!!!' and my brother swinging my door open to get us out."
"The house was on fire."- stoneytopaz
One hundred little fingers...
"Centipede crawling on my face."
"I still shiver thinking about when that happened."- Slight_Librarian_399
A lesson well learned?
"A cop walking into my Airbnb at 4am in Tennessee."
"Somehow he had the code and just.. walked in."
"I was sleeping on the couch right near the front door."
"He yelled at me and asked my name and what I was doing there."
"I was dazed and said 'ugh, I’m sleeping here man' and he’s like 'we were called about a B n E at this address'." - Reddit
"And I said 'I dunno man' and he was like 'well, sorry to disturb you'."
"And he walked out."
"Found out later that the call came In from a different address and the cop still had the door code from a previous call that was put in at this building before."
"This is where I learned if someone breaks in to where I’m sleeping In the middle of the night, I ain’t gonna do sh*t."
"My reaction time is about 5 minutes."- ReferHvacGuy
Sharing a midnight snack?
"Cat dropping a giant a** spider on my chest, then giant spider disappearing in my panic."- lady_of_the_lac
One can only imagine...
"My wife sitting straight up out of bed and screaming while pointing down the hallway."
"She talks in her sleep, usually it’s hilarious."
"That time it was not."- BrotherOfTheOrder
Nature's alarm clock
"8.8 Richter scale earthquake at 3am."- sparkdaniel
There's a first time for literally everything.
"Lived in an old building in NYC."
"Had a neighbor across the hall that would seldom have night terrors."
"1st time it happened, it was about 4am and I was pretty sure she was getting murdered from the piercing screaming and loud thumps from her flailing around and the sound of glass breaking."
"I grabbed a meat cleaver and went into the hallway in my underwear to see that everyone else in the building was also awake and poking their heads out into the hallway wondering what to do."
"Me and 2 other neighbors eventually knocked on her door and when she answered she looked pale like a ghost and was dripping in sweat."
"She didn't remember any of it, apologized and explained to us her condition."
"That was some blood curdling sh*t."
"She was very apologetic about it and bought us all six packs of beer for freaking us out."
"Me and the two neighbors that decided to take action were all 100% sure that she was getting murdered at that moment."
"I lived there for 2 years and I think she only had 2 episodes during that time."- azninvasion2000
Be it over nothing, or something incredibly serious, being woken up at all hours of the morning is never a pleasant experience.
As the place everyone should always feel safest of all, is in the comfort of their own bed.
Bullying seems to be a concept that has always been around. It comes in all forms, and in varying degrees.
Sometimes, the bullying can be mild and temporary. That doesn't make it okay, but it does make the bullying easier to deal with.
Other times, the bullying is harsh, and can even go too far. Sometimes, that can mean relentless teasing. Othertimes, it can mean that a bully took their torment to a new level, even proceeding into physical violence.
Whatever the case, when bullying goes too far, it sticks with you. Sometimes, you get revenge. Other times, you just deal with it until you can find a solution. Whichever method you choose, you will never forget it.
Curious about how far is too far, Redditor tylerboyzzz asked:
"People of Reddit, when did the bully go to far?"
Deserved Retaliation
"One of my friends had been getting bullied for crying after her mother's death. One day I got sick of it and shoved his head into a door. I know violence shouldn't be used in some situations but I felt like this needed it. He never bullied my friend again and I only got 1 detention."
– NonuMac
"Kids are so dumb, making fun of someone for losing their mom is the stupidest thing ever, good on you."
–TundraTrees0
Possession
"This guy bullied me for years, relentlessly. He saw another guy bullying me one day and lost his mind and beat the guy half to death. It was f**ked up. Not even that he beat the guy, whatever there, but in this ultra weird like "staking his claim" kinda way. Like I was his to bully and no one else. It literally made me fear for my life a bit. I got a restraining order."
– KingGuy420
Protective Brother
"7th grade."
"He took a thick piece of metal wrapped it with electrical tape and hit my friend in the head. He had to get stitches but wouldn’t say out of fear who did it."
"I ratted him out. A day later he jumped me as two of his friends held my arms. Then he stole my bike."
"My mom went to talk to his dad who was drunk and hit on her so she left frustrated."
"A few days later he tried to jump me again while on my bike when I was at the ice cream truck but my older (in high school) brother saw it."
"He literally jumped down three flights of stairs from the 3rd fl of our apartment complex and literally grabbed the back seat of the bike and picked it up as he tried to pedal away. He was freaking out screaming."
– catheterhero
Bullying The Teachers
"My class was terrible. On multiple occasions they had managed to make teachers leave the classroom in tears. For the record; I never participated, I was bullied too in this class."
"One of the worst days; they were really taking it out on this nerdy teacher. Like, this was definitely the worst and the most direct insults they had ever given to a person and he broke surprisingly quick. It turned out that the day before he was diagnosed with testicular cancer..."
– Th3_Accountant
Bullied BY The Teacher
"Bullied by a teacher. I grew up in the 1980's and there was something wrong with my digestive system that doctors here didn't understand at the time. Parents and friends were aware that sometimes I needed a toilet without much warning for either vomit or poo. I could easily dose off sometimes and always had a crampy tummy."
"First week of high school, I needed to go, now. I asked the teacher if I could be excused. She said I was old enough to be able to hold it in. I tried to explain that I needed to go. She was all boo-hoo, the baby needs a nappy, the baby needs burping. Some friends tried to explain to the teacher that if I had to go, I had to go. Teacher said no. I couldn't hold anything in any more and made for the door, the teacher shouted something and I passed out, vomited and sh*t myself."
"From what I remember, dad had the teacher fired. School policy was changed so that if a kid needed a loo break, they got it. Ironically there was an increase of tp related thefts and bathroom vandalism."
"I spent a week in hospital being prodded and poked, and we found out what was wrong."
"I went back to school, some kids pointed and laughed at the kid who sh*t herself in maths but they were quickly silenced by my friends and some kids who I didn't even know."
– ThePhoenixBird2022
Heartbreak
"I had a huge crush on one of the "cool" kids, who was actually a really nice, down to earth guy who was always nice to me. We even played Magic: The Gathering together a few times."
"I overheard my bully tell my crush he was planning to wait until the last day of school and "f- me up real good." Crush grabbed him by the throat and said "Don't you dare touch her!" so of course, the bully had to do something."
"He stole part of my crush's cherished favorite deck and left it in my backpack with a really sweet (fake) note. Then he told my crush he'd seen me steal the cards. His plan worked perfectly, I was looking through the cards when crush walked over. The look of hurt and then anger on his face is still burned into my memory. I gave the cards back, apologized, and tried to defend myself, but he never forgave me and we never spoke again."
– z0mbiegrl
You Showed Her!
"She bullied me for how I looked, would underhandedly called me ugly, and was the root of all my insecurities...A year later I won a major beauty pageant and she blocked me on IG"
"still kinda insecure cuz of her though"
– Careful_Pickle555
That's Catnapping!
"I befriended the problem girl in high school. Thought she just needed a friend. Anyway, she turned on me for whatever reason. Broke into my house while I was away on vacation and stole my cat and every item of clothing I owned. She ended up donating most of my clothes to goodwill, but the stuff she liked she wore to school. I called her out on it. That same day the principal pulled me out of class and said I “need to stop bullying X.” Anyway, she never did get in trouble but I did get my cat back after a few weeks."
– operasinger22
Yes, He Did Fall
"6th grade. He sat behind me in study hall. He, an 8th grader, had been picking on me since the beginning of the year. I told my parents and my dad said next time he messes with me just stand up for myself."
"Next day he flips my ear really hard. I turn around and tell him don’t ever touch me again. I turn back around and then I feel something getting put into my ear. It was a pencil. I jumped up, grabbed my thick as hell math book, and hit him directly in the face. It ended up knocking four of his teeth out and broke his nose."
"The teacher was the gym teacher, who was also an assistant coach on my baseball team. He came over and said with great surprise…..what happened did he fall out of his desk? Needless to say he never messed with me again."
– Kilroy27
"Maybe im being simple here, but: every time. Any form of bullying is always too far."
– dragon6layer
Yeah, that's probably true.
Bullying is wrong, but you will never be wrong for standing up for yourself.
Here we are, decades into the life and journey of the internet.
And we still can't clean up all of the horrible spots.
The internet is a fantastic invention with many, many flaws.
Our screens have been exposed to things that will remain with our souls forever.
So let's talk about it.
***WARNING!! THIS IS AN NC-17 ARTICLE***
RedditorPowered_programmer wanted to hear about all the things that we've seen on the web that has left us shook. They asked:
"What is the creepiest thing that you've come across on internet?"
So let's all take a deep dive into the darkest places of the net.
Bad Footage
"Rotten.com back in the day."
u004665
"Surgical footage and trauma footage look very different. Even if you know next to nothing about anatomy watching a surgery looks neat and clean."
"You can clearly see the boundaries of different flaps of tissue and stuff, and can kinda see how it would fit back together once the surgeon is done. Trauma just looks like chaotic hell. Nothing makes sense, it all looks like badly ground hamburger, and any recognition of parts only brings more horror as you realize the part is broken and relocated to somewhere it doesn't belong."
venbrou
Too Far a Reach
"Years ago I came across a website that was just a collection of links to unsecured camera feeds. Webcams, baby monitors, security cameras… basically anything with a lens and WiFi capabilities. Apparently most people never set up their devices properly and just leave default passwords or none at all, and this website was just trawling through the internet finding them all."
ShallowBasketcase
Messed Up
"I watched Luca Magnotta kill his BF but when I watched it, it was uploaded to a horror site by him and everyone thought it was a really good special effects. I don't get spooked much but I stopped watching when he started stabbing the corpse with a ice pic or something. A little while later I found out he was on the run and that video was a real person he murdered, it messed me up for a while."
ChineseChaiTea
Broadcast
"A website that broadcasted millions of private security cameras of people houses who had no idea that their security camera was just on the Internet and they could be watched during all hours."
moosa_jafri
Why did we ever create the internet?
Look Close
"That one video where the car was driving down that mountain road and you had to pay close attention and then it turned out to be a screamer."
Natural-School5690
LONG!!
"I’m going to go with creepy, not horrifying or even f’d up. I can’t remember who it was, but back in the day on YouTube a man posted LONG videos of himself just sitting and looking straight into the camera with a smile, not a single movement the whole time. Always a live feed."
"One day someone broke into his home DURING the live show, and actually ended up leaving without stealing anything because the guy didn’t react at ALL. Just sat there, wide eyed and smiling at the camera. Thinking back as a thief that would scare the heck outta me."
Smooth_Bet_4849
Oh Mickey
"This picture of mickey mouse that was added to my DSI's wallpaper. I have never owned or known someone that owns a Mickey Mouse plush. I do not recognize the area, wall, chair or anything in the picture. I have not lent my DSI to anyone. It just appeared one day when I opened it. It creeps me out and I still question how could this have happened."
Galastique
Was it Real?
"Those 'ghost showing up in mirror' YouTube videos. To this day, I’m still scared to walk past mirrors at night sometimes."
NiamhHA
"I could never find the video but i can never forget it. its about two boys who remove a talisman from a large stone and out of it a ghost pops out moaning, the boys immediately dart out of the cave and run at full speed screaming as they see that the ghost is following them even catching up to the boys. Never got to see the ending of the video. Was it fake? Was it real? Don't know, it was just creepy."
sharpie-sapien365247
Wake Up
"When I used to browse the hellhole known as 4chan I came across a crazy green text story. Some kid ran away from home, found a place for the night and slept in his sleeping bag. Woke up to what he thought was homeless guy peeing on him and chased him off. When he stopped and smelled himself he realized that the homeless guy was pouring gasoline on him. Still creeps me out to think about what could have happened."
mgtz_
Well that is a lot of drama I never want to see.
Everyone always harps on the importance of first impressions.
But we also need to pay attention to all that follows.
I'm starting to believe a first impression can be a great fake-out.
People will allow their true colors to shine over time.
Redditor Xanax_Sprite wanted everyone to open up about what things people can do that immediately change one's opinion of a person's character, not for the better.
"What immediately makes you think less of someone?"
It's entirely too easy to turn me off. I admit, it's an issue. Maybe that's a thing people suddenly dislike about me.
Bad Behavior
"Intentional embarrassment. When someone brings something up in front of a group to humiliate someone else."
mr_xen_
Man Up
"Not taking responsibility for their actions."
DragonVash
"Even worse. people who make excuses for their mistakes, no matter how bluntly you point it out to them that this is their shortcoming. Man up and admit you make a mistake. Stop telling me A happened then B happened so C happened. we are here to work, not tell each other make believe stories."
Chomusuke_99
Be Quiet
"Someone who interrupts a serious conversation to make it about them."
-Zuine-
"Being subject to that infuriating s**t was what eventually inspired me to listen to people more, especially regarding heavier topics. Sometimes people just need to be heard and held, and it isn't fair for them to expose their vulnerabilities only to have you dismiss them by trying to make their suffering about you."
I_Consume_Shampoo
Where are they?
"How they speak about a person who is not present in the conversation."
weirdlikenick
"One of the most important lessons my father taught me..."
"Don't speak about a person if they're not in the room."
"They don't have a representative in the room and especially if your words get back to them and they can't say 'I know, he already had that convo with me.' I've earned a rep for not speaking behind people's backs to the point where when someone claimed I did, that person called them a liar. Pops sucked but I thank him for that lesson."
thatswhatshesaidxx
Be Consistent
"Hypocrites."
silentsurge95
"100. People can change their opinions, but not flip flop regularly."
0rd0abCha0
I can't with hypocrites. My life's biggest pet peeve.
Be clean
"Littering."
Miniturbo23
"Yep, had a coworker once who spit on the floor inside."
"It was a warehouse-type building, but still. This particular guy also left cigarette butts on the floor inside and dumped a dog on the business property. Needless to say, he didn't last long here. Some people are just really rude and stupid."
UnderstatedEssence
Say Sorry
"Had a friend who never, ever apologized for anything or really took any responsibility. Even in situations which were funny and non-serious, he’d always talk his a** out of it (in a jokey matter). But when some s**t hit the fan, that guy turned into one of the scariest, manipulative and aggressive people I’ve met that would rather die than take accountability for the things he’s done."
"And for which there were many witnesses and evidence against him. Moral of the story, if you know someone who won’t say sorry or admit they did something wrong for even the least serious things, run, because when they actually do something seriously bad it’s just gonna get real ugly."
confused-girly
Face 2 Face
"Lying to my face. There’s no going back in my eyes because I will never trust you. Secrets are fine and dandy. That’s not quite the same as straight up lying. A direct example is people lying about their family dying to get out of work or when this older woman in her 40’s tried to lie about cleaning up her work station when she left it for me to clean."
brazosandbosque
“as a joke”
"Being mean to animals."
Catatonia86
"Even when people joke about being mean to animals. I have a cat I love dearly and the number of comments I get about harming cats because people don’t like them 'as a joke' is infuriating and not funny, Ken."
indiscreetraven
"I include poorly training their pets in this. It’s neglect/negligence and it’s abuse."
baby_*itchface
Eyes Up
"When they’re looking at their phones, not paying any attention to you when you’re trying to have a conversation with them."
Beedalabupp
It doesn't take much to change an impression. Let's do better.